THE BOOK OF ANZAC CHRONICLES
And it came to pass that King Hun called together his mighty men and said unto them:
2. “Behold I have dreamed a dream, and the Gott of Boasts hath appeared unto me and said:
3. “‘Bring together all your ships of the sea, your wealth of the land, and your mighty men of valour, including your first-born.
4. “‘For I say unto you, now is The Day.
5. “‘Ye shall go forth to battle against the kingdoms of the earth to wage war against all who do not bow down to thee and call thee “TheOne.”
6. “‘For I have decreed that thou shalt rule the earth to the uttermost corners of it.
7. “‘Let thou and thy son take but six days’ rations in your haversacks, for on the seventh day thou shalt dine at the Palace of the Buckinghamites with the King of the Allyites as thy mess orderly.
8. “‘Forget not thy pomade nor thy tooth-brush, neither shalt thou leave behind thy gases nor thine iron rations, for thou mayest have need of them.
9. “‘And go ye forth to kill and plunder; spare none, but put all to the sword; and put your trust in yourself alone—and—er, myself, if it so please thee.
10. “‘For this is The Day.’”
11. And all his mighty men bowed down to him and said: “O King, live for ever; verily thou hast truly said, and thy kingdom shall extend to the ends of the earth and the heavens and to the depths of the sea.”
12. So King Hun blew his bags out, smote him on the chest, and called aloud, saying, “I am IT.”
13. And the same day he brought together all his legions of men and his ships of the sea and all the wealth of the land: for they were all ready.
14. And they counted and found umpteen million men of valour, two ships, seventeen anchors, fourteen shillings and fivepence in gold, umpteen billion rolls of paper money and ennygottsquantitee gas.
15. But they left the two ships at home, fastened to the seventeen anchors.
16. And the King-of-all-the-Huns said, “It is enough, IMSHEE!”[22]
17. So they imsheed.
18. Now, it came to pass that the Huns ran amok both East and West, North and South, and their cry was “Strafe!” and “Ber-lud!” and they got both in abundance.
19. For they threw themselves on the neighbouring villages, breaking through the back gate without warning, and slaying the watchdog and the pig, the husbandman and his wife, the baby and the nurse, the cat and the canary.
20. Nor even did the Boy-about-the-place have time to reach his air-gun from off the shelf; for the Mad Mass tarried not to wipe its sword, but only to quench its blood-lust and its thirst.
21. And when they had laid waste all that land, they boiled over into the next.
22. But it came to pass that by this time the cries of murder and children in torment had reached far and wide, and before another sun had set two men met the horde of Huns.
23. And the Huns lifted up their bleary eyes and asked, “Gott strafe, but who vas dis dat do dry stob our leedle game?”
24. And the Man-from-the-west with the strong arm and the iron jaw proclaimed to the multitude,
25. “I am K. of K., and THIS IS THE END OF THE SECTION.”
26. And the Butchers all lifted up their voices with one accord, saying, “Gott sh-sh-traf,” and “Hic, Ber-lud.”
27. But the Huns stopped, yea, verily.
28. And so it came to pass that the King of the Huns dined not at the Palace of the Buckinghamites with the King of the Allyites as his mess orderly—neither on the sixth day nor in the sixth year.
29. But the King of the Huns and Little Willie ate their iron rations instead.
30. And the flood was over the face of the earth for many days and many nights till the Mighty Winds arose and drove it back.
31. And behold, the King of the Huns said unto himself, “Verily, it was a dream, and instead of ‘The Day’ is now nothing but ‘The Night.’”
32. So he fell asleep.
33. And great was the fall thereof.
Genesis Gallipoli.
And it came to pass that on the seventh day of the week of the fourth month of the year, being the twenty-fifth Sunday after the Melbourne Cup, there journeyed forth from the land of the Greeks, yclept Lemnos, a mighty host.
2. And “Birdy” commanded them, saying, “Take from the Turks the land of Gallipoli, that we may occupy it. Possess yourselves also of the command of the Narrows, that all who are free may enter.”
3. Therefore, the Colonels, Majors and Captains took heed, and after much lengthy pow-wowing issued to their men this edict: “Hear ye, men of Australia and New Zealand, what the‘Boss’ hath commanded. Ye shall girdle yourselves about with ammunition, and, after landing as seems meetest, make assault upon the hills and valleys of Gallipoli, which the sons of Abdul do hold to our detriment.”
4. To the Ninth, and the Tenth, and the Eleventh, and the Twelfth Battalions of foot soldiers this follower of Medon addressed himself thus: “Prepare ye the track that the First, Second and other Brigades, even your comrades, may make peaceful footing. And each man take with him a first field-dressing and two days’ rations, for we know not what difficulties we might encounter.”
5. And to the Army Medical Corps likewise he addressed himself, commanding them to attend to the weak, the injured and the weary, and lo! his words were not in vain, for the land was treacherous and harboured many pitfalls.
6. And it came further to pass that the enemy proved themselves “hard-doers”; yea, verily, they were a stubborn folk, for they had builded unto themselves dug-outs and trenches on the land of their forefathers, and were aware of the coming of the invader.
7. But “Birdie’s” host were of the hills and dales; men of much cunning and resourcefulness.
8. Therefore, without the flourish of trumpets, they sallied forth to the right, and to the left, and the centre.
9. And they did that which was right in the sight of the “Boss,” for they used their “Blocks” and held the ground, which seemed impossible to those not possessed of faith in his judgment.
10. And on the day of the twenty-sixth, and of the twenty-seventh, and on succeeding days, they did also build trenches, and burrow holes into the earth like unto the rabbit, that they might abide safely, for it was further commanded that this should be done.
11. Now it came to the ears of the Chief, and it was a true saying, that the Valley of Shrapnel was even as Gehenna, fraught with many dangers to the unwary. Therefore it was commanded that the pioneers should prepare a track crooked, making it thereby difficult, yea, insurmountable.
12. And when this and sundry tasks were completed, the First, the Second, the Third and the other Brigades of human pack-horses, so that the good work might be continued, were reinforced by a multitude of those who are known as the Lost Horse Regiments.
13. And lo! the host of Birdwood flourished amazingly, even to the extent of rum and porridge.
14. By this time, being the twelfth month of the same year, it waxed “plurry” cold, even unto a fall of snow, and the erstwhile Land of Jacko did breed much “flue” and “pneu,” and it did seem as though the plagues of the ancient Gyppos had descended upon them.
15. But the Iodine Infantry were magnanimous with their potions; thus in our generation the sick were cured of their suffering, and the balm of Gilead descended upon them.
16. At the time of the eleventh month of the same year as this is written a Chief of the Rulers journeyed from afar to take counsel with his chiefs, and, by his guiding, smooth out and make plain the difficulties which had beset their paths.
17. This accomplished, it was given unto “Birdie” that he should command all, excepting only the good shipArgon, which contains such a heterogeneous mass as that good ship of Noah’s did contain.
18. Now, the rest of the Acts of Kitchener, and all that he did and said, have they not been written in thePeninsula Pressand other vaporous rags, erstwhile our “filthy contemporaries”?
19. Heed ye all of this, ye who dwell in the Antipodes, for the time is nigh when the clouds of war shall lift and we may abide in halcyon peace; for this is the Dinkum Book of Jobs, as will be written in the Book of Revelations.
W. R. Wishart,No. 1 Aust. Stat. Hosp., Anzac.
Now a multitude of Egyptians journeyed unto Anzac, even nigh unto the seats of the mighty. And when they had come unto the place whereon it was written they should rest, they took counsel one with the other, saying, “Lo, behold, we have no light.”
2. Then one, more bold than the rest, journeyed forth to gather fuel that peradventure had been washed to the beach and had escaped the claws of Apollyon, the Camp Commandant. And after he had searched a while he raised his eyes and praised Allah. For near to the waters he found a tin can having a wick, like unto the lamps of his forefathers, even from the days of the Prophet. And straightway he returneth to his companions, saying: “Rejoice with me, for Allah has been bountiful and I have had good fortune.” Thus saying, he kindled the lamp, but it would not burn. And he kindled it a second time, but still the lamp refused to give her light. Then they cast it into the fire, and they all gathered round to enjoy the light and warmth thereof.
3. And it came to pass that while they yet warmed their hands there was heard a mighty crash, and of the “Gyppies” that remained were picked up seven stretchers full.
4. Verily it is not meet at Anzac to put to “base” uses such jam-tin bombs and other trifles as Apollyon abandoneth, even when you find them kicking about on the seashore.
Capt.A. Alcorn,No. 1 A. S. Hospital.
FOOTNOTES:[22]Imshee is the Arabic for “go away.” The Australasian Corps, which had so far employed it only to street hawkers in Cairo, used this war cry on April 25.—Eds.
[22]Imshee is the Arabic for “go away.” The Australasian Corps, which had so far employed it only to street hawkers in Cairo, used this war cry on April 25.—Eds.
[22]Imshee is the Arabic for “go away.” The Australasian Corps, which had so far employed it only to street hawkers in Cairo, used this war cry on April 25.—Eds.