THE KAISER TO HIS SECRETARY
“Peace upon earth and unto men goodwill!”Such words rang true of yore. (Excuse my laughing.)Ironical they’ll ring while Huns are stillA-strafing!My Vaterland, I know, has set its backAgainst such old-world heresy and schism,And deems such tidings but a mere anach-ronismNot till our Eagles twain replace the U-Nion Jack from Dover Harbour unto Calais,Proving thereby the truth of “Deutschland U-ber Alles!”Not till all men shall hearken my decree,Not till all worlds shall tremble at my nod,Shall peace on earth be countenanced byMe—or God.
“Peace upon earth and unto men goodwill!”Such words rang true of yore. (Excuse my laughing.)Ironical they’ll ring while Huns are stillA-strafing!My Vaterland, I know, has set its backAgainst such old-world heresy and schism,And deems such tidings but a mere anach-ronismNot till our Eagles twain replace the U-Nion Jack from Dover Harbour unto Calais,Proving thereby the truth of “Deutschland U-ber Alles!”Not till all men shall hearken my decree,Not till all worlds shall tremble at my nod,Shall peace on earth be countenanced byMe—or God.
“Peace upon earth and unto men goodwill!”Such words rang true of yore. (Excuse my laughing.)Ironical they’ll ring while Huns are stillA-strafing!
“Peace upon earth and unto men goodwill!”
Such words rang true of yore. (Excuse my laughing.)
Ironical they’ll ring while Huns are still
A-strafing!
My Vaterland, I know, has set its backAgainst such old-world heresy and schism,And deems such tidings but a mere anach-ronism
My Vaterland, I know, has set its back
Against such old-world heresy and schism,
And deems such tidings but a mere anach-
ronism
Not till our Eagles twain replace the U-Nion Jack from Dover Harbour unto Calais,Proving thereby the truth of “Deutschland U-ber Alles!”
Not till our Eagles twain replace the U-
Nion Jack from Dover Harbour unto Calais,
Proving thereby the truth of “Deutschland U-
ber Alles!”
Not till all men shall hearken my decree,Not till all worlds shall tremble at my nod,Shall peace on earth be countenanced byMe—or God.
Not till all men shall hearken my decree,
Not till all worlds shall tremble at my nod,
Shall peace on earth be countenanced byMe—
or God.
Steeple falling
But since the time is fitting, down you sitAnd write—forgive the French—un petit billet-Doux with the season’s compliments to Lit-tle Willie.Tell him how once his courage I admired,How recently—to my surprise—I’ve heard an(I trust) unfounded rumour that he’s tiredof Verdun.Bid him select a new cathedral’s spire,Bombard it! Seize it! Never mind the losses!Tell him its peal of bells will make more ir-on crosses.To Hindenburg say—he must do his best,And if he can’t advance, then he must dig aNew line, “according to our plans,” due westof Riga.
But since the time is fitting, down you sitAnd write—forgive the French—un petit billet-Doux with the season’s compliments to Lit-tle Willie.Tell him how once his courage I admired,How recently—to my surprise—I’ve heard an(I trust) unfounded rumour that he’s tiredof Verdun.Bid him select a new cathedral’s spire,Bombard it! Seize it! Never mind the losses!Tell him its peal of bells will make more ir-on crosses.To Hindenburg say—he must do his best,And if he can’t advance, then he must dig aNew line, “according to our plans,” due westof Riga.
But since the time is fitting, down you sitAnd write—forgive the French—un petit billet-Doux with the season’s compliments to Lit-tle Willie.
But since the time is fitting, down you sit
And write—forgive the French—un petit billet-
Doux with the season’s compliments to Lit-
tle Willie.
Tell him how once his courage I admired,How recently—to my surprise—I’ve heard an(I trust) unfounded rumour that he’s tiredof Verdun.
Tell him how once his courage I admired,
How recently—to my surprise—I’ve heard an
(I trust) unfounded rumour that he’s tired
of Verdun.
Bid him select a new cathedral’s spire,Bombard it! Seize it! Never mind the losses!Tell him its peal of bells will make more ir-on crosses.
Bid him select a new cathedral’s spire,
Bombard it! Seize it! Never mind the losses!
Tell him its peal of bells will make more ir-
on crosses.
To Hindenburg say—he must do his best,And if he can’t advance, then he must dig aNew line, “according to our plans,” due westof Riga.
To Hindenburg say—he must do his best,
And if he can’t advance, then he must dig a
New line, “according to our plans,” due west
of Riga.
cannon firing
To her who knows how Bulgars’ palms areGreeced,Send greeting suited to a Royal Queen—oh!And bid her give her brother’s love at leastTo Tino.To Enver write: “Since some of you seem lostAnd some of you don’t seem to know quite where ’e are.I’ve squared at—well—at never mind the cost,Bulgaria.“That is my part; you must now stop the gab(Why, anybody can do that much, damn it!)Of those who try to shake the faith of Ab-dul Hamid.”Then when I’m satisfied that General Bird-Wood and his Anzacs at the DardanellesAre busy studying the latest wordIn Hells,And my supplies are safe, then right awayI’ll hie to Egypt—not by ocean liner,But by a rather safer route through A-sia Minor.These plans of mine, at which some seem surprised,Are not, as fools think, calculated solely onThe out-of-date campaigns of undersizedNapoleon.For when I’ve got the British blighters beat(Here comes my cunning), what I mean to do isTo exercise, on water smooth, my fleetNear Suez.Then, finally, for Double Eagles’ head,In order to perpetuate my Kultur,By Royal Decree I’ll substitute instead—A Vulture.H. B. C.
To her who knows how Bulgars’ palms areGreeced,Send greeting suited to a Royal Queen—oh!And bid her give her brother’s love at leastTo Tino.To Enver write: “Since some of you seem lostAnd some of you don’t seem to know quite where ’e are.I’ve squared at—well—at never mind the cost,Bulgaria.“That is my part; you must now stop the gab(Why, anybody can do that much, damn it!)Of those who try to shake the faith of Ab-dul Hamid.”Then when I’m satisfied that General Bird-Wood and his Anzacs at the DardanellesAre busy studying the latest wordIn Hells,And my supplies are safe, then right awayI’ll hie to Egypt—not by ocean liner,But by a rather safer route through A-sia Minor.These plans of mine, at which some seem surprised,Are not, as fools think, calculated solely onThe out-of-date campaigns of undersizedNapoleon.For when I’ve got the British blighters beat(Here comes my cunning), what I mean to do isTo exercise, on water smooth, my fleetNear Suez.Then, finally, for Double Eagles’ head,In order to perpetuate my Kultur,By Royal Decree I’ll substitute instead—A Vulture.H. B. C.
To her who knows how Bulgars’ palms areGreeced,Send greeting suited to a Royal Queen—oh!And bid her give her brother’s love at leastTo Tino.
To her who knows how Bulgars’ palms areGreeced,
Send greeting suited to a Royal Queen—oh!
And bid her give her brother’s love at least
To Tino.
To Enver write: “Since some of you seem lostAnd some of you don’t seem to know quite where ’e are.I’ve squared at—well—at never mind the cost,Bulgaria.
To Enver write: “Since some of you seem lost
And some of you don’t seem to know quite where ’e are.
I’ve squared at—well—at never mind the cost,
Bulgaria.
“That is my part; you must now stop the gab(Why, anybody can do that much, damn it!)Of those who try to shake the faith of Ab-dul Hamid.”
“That is my part; you must now stop the gab
(Why, anybody can do that much, damn it!)
Of those who try to shake the faith of Ab-
dul Hamid.”
Then when I’m satisfied that General Bird-Wood and his Anzacs at the DardanellesAre busy studying the latest wordIn Hells,
Then when I’m satisfied that General Bird-
Wood and his Anzacs at the Dardanelles
Are busy studying the latest word
In Hells,
And my supplies are safe, then right awayI’ll hie to Egypt—not by ocean liner,But by a rather safer route through A-sia Minor.
And my supplies are safe, then right away
I’ll hie to Egypt—not by ocean liner,
But by a rather safer route through A-
sia Minor.
These plans of mine, at which some seem surprised,Are not, as fools think, calculated solely onThe out-of-date campaigns of undersizedNapoleon.
These plans of mine, at which some seem surprised,
Are not, as fools think, calculated solely on
The out-of-date campaigns of undersized
Napoleon.
For when I’ve got the British blighters beat(Here comes my cunning), what I mean to do isTo exercise, on water smooth, my fleetNear Suez.
For when I’ve got the British blighters beat
(Here comes my cunning), what I mean to do is
To exercise, on water smooth, my fleet
Near Suez.
Then, finally, for Double Eagles’ head,In order to perpetuate my Kultur,By Royal Decree I’ll substitute instead—A Vulture.
Then, finally, for Double Eagles’ head,
In order to perpetuate my Kultur,
By Royal Decree I’ll substitute instead—
A Vulture.
H. B. C.
H. B. C.