Compassion sometimes sets the fatal sign,
The man was poor, and humbly begg’d a line;
Else how should noble names and titles back
The spreading praise of some advent’rous quack?
But he the moment watches, and entreats
Your honour’s name, - your honour joins the cheats;
You judged the med’cine harmless, and you lent
What help you could, and with the best intent;
But can it please you, thus to league with all
Whom he can beg or bribe to swell the scrawl?
Would you these wrappers with your name adorn
Which hold the poison for the yet unborn?
No class escapes them - from the poor man’s pay,
The nostrum takes no trifling part away:
See! those square patent bottles from the shop,
Now decoration to the cupboard’s top;
And there a favourite hoard you’ll find within,
Companions meet! the julep and the gin.
Time too with cash is wasted; ’tis the fate
Of real helpers to be call’d too late;
This find the sick, when (time and patience gone)
Death with a tenfold terror hurries on.
Suppose the case surpasses human skill,
There comes a quack to flatter weakness still;
What greater evil can a flatterer do,
Than from himself to take the sufferer’s view?
To turn from sacred thoughts his reasoning powers,
And rob a sinner of his dying hours?
Yet this they dare, and craving to the last,
In hope’s strong bondage hold their victim fast:
For soul or body no concern have they,
All their inquiry, “Can the patient pay?
“And will he swallow draughts until his dying day?”
Observe what ills to nervous females flow,
When the heart flutters, and the pulse is low;
If once induced these cordial sips to try,
All feel the ease, and few the danger fly;
For, while obtain’d, of drams they’ve all the force,
And when denied, then drams are the resource.
Nor these the only evils - there are those
Who for the troubled mind prepare repose;
They write: the young are tenderly address’d,
Much danger hinted, much concern express’d;
They dwell on freedoms lads are prone to take,
Which makes the doctor tremble for their sake;
Still if the youthful patient will but trust
In one so kind, so pitiful, and just;
If he will take the tonic all the time,
And hold but moderate intercourse with crime;
The sage will gravely give his honest word,
That strength and spirits shall be both restored;
In plainer English - if you mean to sin,
Fly to the drops, and instantly begin.
Who would not lend a sympathizing sigh,
To hear yon infant’s pity-moving cry?
That feeble sob, unlike the new-born note
Which came with vigour from the op’ning throat,
When air and light first rush’d on lungs and eyes,
And there was life and spirit in the cries;
Now an abortive, faint attempt to weep
Is all we hear; sensation is asleep:
The boy was healthy, and at first express’d
His feelings loudly when he fail’d to rest;
When cramm’d with food, and tighten’d every limb,
To cry aloud was what pertain’d to him;
Then the good nurse (who, had she borne a brain,
Had sought the cause that made her babe complain)
Has all her efforts, loving soul! applied
To set the cry, and not the cause, aside;
She gave her powerful sweet without remorse
The sleeping cordial - she had tried its force,
Repeating oft: the infant, freed from pain,
Rejected food, but took the dose again,
Sinking to sleep; while she her joy express’d,
That her dear charge could sweetly take his rest:
Soon may she spare her cordial; not a doubt
Remains, but quickly he will resfc without.
This moves our grief and pity, and we sigh
To think what numbers from these causes die;
But what contempt and anger should we show,
Did we the lives of these impostors know!
Ere for the world’s I left the cares of school,
One I remember who assumed the fool;
A part well suited - when the idler boys
Would shout around him, and he loved the noise;
They called him Neddy; - Neddy had the art
To play with skill his ignominious part;
When he his trifles would for sale display,
And act the mimic for a schoolboy’s pay.
For many years he plied his humble trade,
And used his tricks and talents to persuade;
The fellow barely read, but chanced to look
Among the fragments of a tatter’d book;
Where, after many efforts made to spell
One puzzling word, he found it - oxymel;
A potent thing, ’twas said to cure the ills
Of ailing lungs - the oxymel of squills:
Squills he procured, but found the bitter strong
And most unpleasant; none would take it long;
But the pure acid and the sweet would make
A med’cine numbers would for pleasure take.
There was a fellow near, an artful knave,
Who knew the plan, and much assistance gave;
He wrote the puffs, and every talent plied
To make it sell: it sold, and then he died.
Now all the profit fell to Ned’s control,
And Pride and Avarice quarrell’d for his soul;
When mighty profits by the trash were made,
Pride built a palace, Avarice groan’d and paid;
Pride placed the signs of grandeur all about,
And Avarice barr’d his friends and children out.
Now see him Doctor! yes, the idle fool,
The butt, the robber of the lads at school;
Who then knew nothing, nothing since acquired,
Became a doctor, honour’d and admired;
His dress, his frown, his dignity were such,
Some who had known him thought his knowledge much;
Nay, men of skill, of apprehension quick,
Spite of their knowledge, trusted him when sick;
Though he could neither reason, write, nor spell,
They yet had hope his trash would make them well;
And while they scorn’d his parts, they took his oxymel.
Oh! when his nerves had once received a shock,
Sir Isaac Newton might have gone to Rock:
Hence impositions of the grossest kind,
Hence thought is feeble, understanding blind;
Hence sums enormous by those cheats are made,
And deaths unnumber’d by their dreadful trade.
Alas! in vain is my contempt express’d,
To stronger passions are their words address’d;
To pain, to fear, to terror, their appeal,
To those who, weakly reasoning, strongly feel.
What then our hopes? - perhaps there may by law
Be method found these pests to curb and awe;
Yet in this land of freedom law is slack
With any being to commence attack;
Then let us trust to science - there are those
Who can their falsehoods and their frauds disclose,
All their vile trash detect, and their low tricks expose;
Perhaps their numbers may in time confound
Their arts - as scorpions give themselves the wound;
For when these curers dwell in every place,
While of the cured we not a man can trace,
Strong truth may then the public mind persuade,
And spoil the fruits of this nefarious trade.
LETTER VIII.
Non possidentem multa vocaveris
Recte beatum: rectius occupat
Nomen Beati, qui Deorum
Muneribus sapienter uti,
Duramque callet pauperiem pati.
HORACE, Ode 9.
Non propter vitam faciunt patrimonia quidam,
Sed vitio caeci propter patrimonia vivunt.
JUVENAL, Satire 12.
Non uxor salvum te vult, non filius; omnes
Vicini oderunt; noti pueri atque puellae;
Miraris cum tu argento post omnia ponas,
Si nemo praestet, quem non merearis, amorem.
HORACE, Satires.
----------------------
TRADES.
No extensive manufactories in the Borough; yet considerable Fortunes made there - Ill Judgment of Parents in disposing of their Sons - The best educated not the most likely to succeed - Instance - Want of Success compensated by the lenient Power of some Avocations - The Naturalist - The Weaver an Entomologist, &c. - A Prize Flower - Story
of Walter and William.
OF manufactures, trade, inventions rare,
Steam-towers and looms, you’d know our Borough’s share -
’Tis small: we boast not these rich subjects here,
Who hazard thrice ten thousand pounds a-year;
We’ve no huge buildings, where incessant noise
Is made by springs and spindles, girls and boys;
Where, ’mid such thundering sounds, the maiden’s song
Is “Harmony in Uproar” all day long.
Still common minds with us in common trade,
Have gain’d more wealth than ever student made;
And yet a merchant, when he gives his son
His college-learning, thinks his duty done;
A way to wealth he leaves his boy to find,
Just when he’s made for the discovery blind.
Jones and his wife perceived their elder boy
Took to his learning, and it gave them joy;
This they encouraged, and were bless’d to see
Their son a fellow with a high degree;
A living fell, he married, and his sire
Declared ’twas all a father could require;
Children then bless’d them, and when letters came,
The parents proudly told each grandchild’s name.
Meantime the sons at home in trade were placed,
Money their object - just the father’s taste;
Saving he lived and long, and when he died,
He gave them all his fortune to divide:
“Martin,” said he, “at vast expense was taught;
He gain’d his wish, and has the ease he sought.”
Thus the good priest (the Christian scholar!) finds
“What estimate is made by vulgar minds;
He sees his brothers, who had every gift
Of thriving, now assisted in their thrift;
While he, whom learning, habits, all prevent,
Is largely mulct for each impediment.
Yet let us own that Trade has much of chance,
Not all the careful by their care advance;
With the same parts and prospects, one a seat
Builds for himself; one finds it in the Fleet.
Then to the wealthy you will see denied
Comforts and joys that with the poor abide:
There are who labour through the year, and yet
No more have gain’d than - not to be in debt:
Who still maintain the same laborious course,
Yet pleasure hails them from some favourite source,
And health, amusements, children, wife, or friend,
With life’s dull views their consolations blend.
Nor these alone possess the lenient power
Of soothing life in the desponding hour;
Some favourite studies, some delightful care,
The mind with trouble and distresses share;
And by a coin, a flower, a verse, a boat,
The stagnant spirits have been set afloat;
They pleased at first, and then the habit grew,
Till the fond heart no higher pleasure knew;
Till, from all cares and other comforts freed,
Th’ important nothing took in life the lead.
With all his phlegm, it broke a Dutchman’s heart,
At a vast price, with one loved root to part;
And toys like these fill many a British mind,
Although their hearts are found of firmer kind.
Oft have I smiled the happy pride to see
Of humble tradesmen, in their evening glee;
When of some pleasing fancied good possess’d,
Each grew alert, was busy, and was bless’d:
Whether the call-bird yield the hour’s delight,
Or, magnified in microscope the mite;
Or whether tumblers, croppers, carriers seize
The gentle mind, they rule it and they please.
There is my friend the Weaver: strong desires
Reign in his breast; ’tis beauty he admires:
See! to the shady grove he wings his way,
And feels in hope the raptures of the day -
Eager he looks: and soon, to glad his eyes,
From the sweet bower, by nature form’d, arise
Bright troops of virgin moths and fresh-born butterflies;
Who broke that morning from their half-year’s sleep,
To fly o’er flowers where they were wont to creep.
Above the sovereign oak, a sovereign skims,
The purple Emp’ror, strong in wing and limbs:
There fair Camilla takes her flight serene,
Adonis blue, and Paphia silver-queen;
With every filmy fly from mead or bower,
And hungry Sphinx who threads the honey’d flower;
She o’er the Larkspur’s bed, where sweets abound.
Views ev’ry bell, and hums th’ approving sound;
Poised on her busy plumes, with feeling nice
She draws from every flower, nor tries a floret twice.
He fears no bailiff’s wrath, no baron’s blame,
His is untax’d and undisputed game:
Nor less the place of curious plant he knows;
He both his Flora and his Fauna shows;