When last they met, she was a little child;
Besides, I will make verses for his son.
A morning’s canter—time, the month of April—
Place, Merry England—Why not Lord Protector
Geoffrey? Her brother! What’s a suit of armor?
Nay! “Amor vincit omnia.”
[Turns away.]
FRIAR
[To the Knight, whose finger-ring he examines.]
How quaint, sir!
A crownèd “A” and underneath a motto.
KNIGHT
Quite so.
FRIAR
Merci!
[Returns quickly to Alisoun.]
ALISOUN
Her brother—the One Nine-pin?
FRIAR
To-morrow.
ALISOUN
Good.
FRIAR
Sweet Alisoun—my pay?
ALISOUN
Saith holy Brother Huberd? Love’s reward
Is service.
[Aside, eyeing Chaucer, who passes her.]
Corpus Venus! What a figure!
I’ll woo him. Ay; but first to rid me of
These other fellows.
[To the Friar.]
Hist!
In Peggy’s stall—
Peggy’s my milk-white doe—in Peggy’s stall,
Thou’lt find another jolly beggar, waits
To dun me.
FRIAR
Ho! A rendezvous?
ALISOUN
A trysting.
Go, for my love, and play the wench for me,
And nab him by the ears until I come.
FRIAR
St. Cupid, I am game. In Peggy’s stall?
[Exit.]
[Alisoun whispers aside individually to the Shipman and Manciple, who exeunt at different doors.]
CARPENTER
Sack? Sack in the cellarage?
WEAVER
Come on, let’s tap it.
[Exeunt with a number of others.]
SUMMONER
[At table, trying to rise.]
Qu—questio quid juris?
COOK
Now he’s drunk
You’ll get no more from him but “hic, hac, hoc.”
ALISOUN
[Aside to the Miller.]
And hold him till I come.
MILLER
In Peggy’s stall?
His ears shall be an ell long!—Pull his ears!
[Exit.]
CLERK
[Dazedly to Chaucer, returning him his book.]
I thank you, sir. Is this the Tabard Inn?
So then I’m back again. Such mighty voyages
The mind sails in a book!
[He walks slowly forth into the air. Chaucer sits again by the fireplace, with the book on his knees.]
[He walks slowly forth into the air. Chaucer sits again by the fireplace, with the book on his knees.]
ALISOUN
[Aside to the Cook.]
Hold fast, and wait.
COOK
In Peggy’s stall?
ALISOUN
Aye.
COOK
Ears for nose, Bob Miller.
[Exit.]
CHAUCER
[Aside.]
In Peggy’s stall,
“Love conquers all.”
[Except for the drunken Summoner, Alisoun and Chaucerare now alone.]
ALISOUN
[To the Summoner, lifting his head from the table.]
Ho, cockerel! Perk up thy bill.
SUMMONER
Quid juris?
ALISOUN
Cluck! Cluck! How pretty Red-comb chucketh. Hark!
[Throwing her arms round his neck, she whispers in his ear.]
SUMMONER
A pax! What did a’ say? A pax upon him.
A’ said a’d pull my ears—in Peggy’s stall?
By questio! a brimstone-cherub—me!
[Rising.]
Quid juris! Blood shall spurt. By quid! His nose
Shall have a pax. By nails! A bloody quid!
[Seizing up from the table a round loaf for a shield and a long loaf for a sword, he reels out.]
[Seizing up from the table a round loaf for a shield and a long loaf for a sword, he reels out.]
ALISOUN
[Laughing.]
So, Peggy, they shall woo thy lily-white hoof,
While Alisoun doth keep her rendezvous.
[Comes over to Chaucer.]
Ho, candle! Come out from thy bushel.
CHAUCER
[Peering over the edge of his book.]
Nay,
’Tis a dark world to shine in; I will read.
ALISOUN
A book! Toot! My fifth husband was a clerk;
He catched more learningonhis head than in it.
What is’t about?
CHAUCER
The wickedness of woman.
ALISOUN
A man, then, wrote it. If you men will write,
We wives will keep ye busy. Read’s a snack.
CHAUCER
[Pretending to read.]
“Whoso that builds his mansion all of mallows,
Whoso that spurs his blind horse over the fallows,
Whoso that lets his wife seek shrines and hallows,
Is worthy to be hanged on the gallows.”
ALISOUN
Chuck that to another dog. My man is dead.
CHAUCER
[Imperturbably.]
“A lovely woman, chaste, is like a rose;
Unchaste, a ring of gold in a sow’s nose.”
ALISOUN
Lo, what a pretty preaching pardoner!
“Offer your nobles now; spoons, brooches, rings!”
Cork up thy froth, a devil’s name! Come, play.
CHAUCER
“Better it is to dwell high on the roof
Than down i’ the house where woman wields reproof.”
O what a list of ladies! What a world!
Hark, Alisoun! and after thou hast heard,
Repent, and cease to be a woman. Hark!
“Who first obeyed the snake’s advice, to thieve
The apple from God’s Eden?—Mother Eve.”
ALISOUN
That’s Adam’s whopper. He stole it and hid in’s throat:
Feel o’ your own; the apple sticks there yet.
CHAUCER
[Dramatically.]
“Who from great Samson’s brow hath slyly shorn
His strength? Delila, answer to thy scorn.
O Hercules! What woman-shaped chimaera
Gave thee the poisoned cloak? Thy Deianira.
O pate of Socrates! Who from the steepy
Housetop upset the slop-pail? Thy Xantippe!
Yea, speeding her lover through the dark finestra,
Who hath her husband slain, but Clytemnestra!
Thou, too, O Cleopatra—”
ALISOUN
[Tearing a page out of the book, boxes Chaucer on the cheek.]
Hold thy gab!
A devil fetch thy drasty book!
CHAUCER
Hold, hold,
Dame Alis! gentle Alisoun—
[Recovers the torn page.]
ALISOUN
Hoot-toot!
Are ye so dainty with a dirty parchment
And so slipshod to smirch our reputations?
You men! God’s arms! What ken ye of true women?
You stuff one doll and name it Modesty,
And bid her mince and giggle, hang her head
And ogle in her sleeve; another poppet
You make of snow and name St. Innocence:
She sits by moonlight in a silver night-gown
And sighs love-Latin in a nunnery.
By Corpus bones! is not a mare a horse?
A woman is but man; and both one beast—
A lusty animal, for field or harness.
But no! ye sanctify a squeamish mule;
And when an honest wench, that speaks her mind,
Meets a fine lad and slaps him on the buttock,
And says out plat: “Thou art a man: I love thee—”
She is a sinner, and your doll a saint.
CHAUCER
Alis, thou speak’st like one in jealousy.
ALISOUN
Why, Geoffrey, so I am. To tell thee flat,
I’m jealous of thy Lady Prioress.
CHAUCER
Peace, dame. Speak not her name with mine.
ALISOUN
Aye, go it,
Miss Innocence and Master Modesty!
How’s that?
CHAUCER
Dame Alisoun, it is enough.
ALISOUN
Why, then, it is enough. Come, lad; clap hands.
I am a bud of old experience,
Whom frost ne’er yet hath nipped. In love, I’ve danced
The waltz and minuet. Therefore, sweet Geoffrey,
This Prioress wears a brooch upon her wrist.
CHAUCER
Well, what of that?
ALISOUN
Yea, “What of that?” Good soul!
She stops to-morrow at Bob-up-and-down.
CHAUCER
How knowest thou?
ALISOUN
Nay, t’other ear is wise.
At the One Nine-pin she shall meet—
CHAUCER
Her brother.
ALISOUN
What wilt thou bet she goes to meet her brother?
CHAUCER
Why, anything.
ALISOUN
Hear that! As though a veil
Were perfect warrant of virginity.
What wilt thou bet she goeth not to meet
Her leman—aye, her lover?
CHAUCER
Thou art daft.
ALISOUN
Lo, subtle man! He robs a poor wife’s wits
To insure his lady’s honour.
CHAUCER
Tush, tush, dame.
The very brooch she wears, her brother gave her,
For whose sake she hath even promised never
To take it off.
ALISOUN
Wiltbetme?
CHAUCER
Bet away!
ALISOUN
Ho, then, it is a bet, and this the stakes:
If that my Lady Prioress shall give
Yon brooch of gold from off her pretty wrist,
Unto the man whom she expects to meet,
And that same man prove not to be her brother,
Then thou shalt marry me at Canterbury.
CHAUCER
A twenty of thee, dame. But if thou lose
The stakes, then thou shalt kneel a-down and kiss
Yon brooch of gold upon her pretty wrist,
And pray the saints to heal thy jealousy.
ALISOUN
Aye, man, it is a bet; and here’s my fist.
CHAUCER
And here’s mine, Alis; thou art a good fellow.
[An uproar outside.]
What row is this?
ALISOUN
Here comes my rendezvous.
[Enter in tumult, the Friar, Miller, Cook, Shipman, Summoner, and Manciple, holding fast to one another’s ears. They call out, partly in chorus.]
[Enter in tumult, the Friar, Miller, Cook, Shipman, Summoner, and Manciple, holding fast to one another’s ears. They call out, partly in chorus.]
FRIAR
He’s nabbed, sweet Alisoun.
MILLER
Here is the lousel.
SUMMONER
I’ve got his quids.
COOK
I stalled him.
ALISOUN
Hang fast, hold him!
Ho! fetch him down. [Laughing.] O Geoffrey, here’s a wooing!
CHAUCER
Yea; “Amor vincit omnia.”
ALL THE SWAINS
Here he is!
ALISOUN
Leave go.
[They let go ears.]
Where is the knave?
ALL
[Pointing at one another.]
There.
ALISOUN
Which one?
ALL
[Pointing at one another.]
Him!
ALISOUN
So, so! Hath Peggy jilted all of ye,