If I my heart surrender,Be ever fond and tender,And sweet connubial joys shall crownEach soft rosy hour:In pure delight each heart shall ownLove's triumphant pow'r.See brilliant belles admiring,See splendid beaux desiring,All for a smile expiring,Where'er Lorenza moves.To balls and routs resorting,O bliss supreme, transporting!Yet ogling, flirting, courting,'Tis you alone that loves.If I my heart surrender, &c.
If I my heart surrender,Be ever fond and tender,And sweet connubial joys shall crownEach soft rosy hour:In pure delight each heart shall ownLove's triumphant pow'r.See brilliant belles admiring,See splendid beaux desiring,All for a smile expiring,Where'er Lorenza moves.To balls and routs resorting,O bliss supreme, transporting!Yet ogling, flirting, courting,'Tis you alone that loves.
If I my heart surrender,
Be ever fond and tender,
And sweet connubial joys shall crown
Each soft rosy hour:
In pure delight each heart shall own
Love's triumphant pow'r.
See brilliant belles admiring,
See splendid beaux desiring,
All for a smile expiring,
Where'er Lorenza moves.
To balls and routs resorting,
O bliss supreme, transporting!
Yet ogling, flirting, courting,
'Tis you alone that loves.
If I my heart surrender, &c.
If I my heart surrender, &c.
[Exeunt.
A Grand Saloon.
EnterDon ScipioandVasquez.
Don Scipio.D'ye hear, Vasquez? run to Father Benedick, tell him to wipe his chin, go up to the chapel, put on his spectacles, open his breviary,—find out matrimony, and wait till we come to him.—[ExitVasquez.]Then, hey, for a brace of weddings!
Then hey for a lass and a bottle to cheer,And a thumping bantling every year!With skin as white as snow,And hair as brown as a berry!With eyes as black as a sloe,And lips as red as a cherry;Sing rory tory,Dancing, prancing,Laugh and lie down is the play,We'll fondle together,In spite of the weather,And kiss the cold winter away.Laugh while you live,For as life is a jest,Who laughs the most,Is sure to live best.When I was not so old,I frolick'd among the misses;And when they thought me too bold,I stopped their mouths with kisses.Sing rory, tory, &c.
Then hey for a lass and a bottle to cheer,And a thumping bantling every year!With skin as white as snow,And hair as brown as a berry!With eyes as black as a sloe,And lips as red as a cherry;Sing rory tory,Dancing, prancing,Laugh and lie down is the play,We'll fondle together,In spite of the weather,And kiss the cold winter away.
Then hey for a lass and a bottle to cheer,
And a thumping bantling every year!
With skin as white as snow,
And hair as brown as a berry!
With eyes as black as a sloe,
And lips as red as a cherry;
Sing rory tory,
Dancing, prancing,
Laugh and lie down is the play,
We'll fondle together,
In spite of the weather,
And kiss the cold winter away.
Laugh while you live,For as life is a jest,Who laughs the most,Is sure to live best.When I was not so old,I frolick'd among the misses;And when they thought me too bold,I stopped their mouths with kisses.Sing rory, tory, &c.
Laugh while you live,
For as life is a jest,
Who laughs the most,
Is sure to live best.
When I was not so old,
I frolick'd among the misses;
And when they thought me too bold,
I stopped their mouths with kisses.
Sing rory, tory, &c.
I wonder, is Don Fernando drest—Oh, here comes the servant, in his proper habiliments!
EnterDon Fernando, in a Livery.
Ay, now, my lad, you look something like.
Don Fer.Yes, your honour, I was quite sick of my grandeur—My passing so well in this disguise gives me a very humble opinion of myself.
[Aside.
Don Scipio.But, Pedrillo, is your master equipped? 'faith, I long to see him in his proper garb.
Don Fer.Why, no, sir, we're a little behind hand with our finery, on account of a portmanteau of clothes that's mislaid somewhere or other.
Don Scipio.Portmanteau! Oh, it's safe enough—Your fellow servant has it.
Don Fer.Fellow servant?
Don Scipio.Ay, the little spy has taken it in charge—Oh, here comes the very beagle.
EnterSpado.
Well, my little dreamer, look; Pedrillo has got into his own clothes again.
Spado.[Surprised and aside.]Don Fernando in a livery! or is this really a servant? Zounds! sure I ha'n't been telling truth all this while!—We must face it though—Ah, my dear old friend!—Glad to see you yourself again.
[Shakes Hands.
Don Fer.My dear boy, I thank you—[Aside.]—So, here's an old friend I never saw before.
Don Scipio.Tell Pedrillo where you have left your master's portmanteau. While I go lead him in triumph to his bride.
[Exit.
Don Fer.Pray, my good, new, old friend, where has your care deposited this portmanteau?
Spado.Gone!
[Looking afterDon Scipio.
Don Fer.The portmanteau gone!
Spado.Ay, his senses are quite gone.
Don Fer.Where's the portmanteau that Don Scipio says you took charge of?
Spado.Portmanteau! Ah, the dear gentleman! Portmanteau did he say? yes, yes, all's over with his poor brain; yesterday his head run upon purses, and trumpeters, and the lord knows what; and to-day he talks of dreamers, spies, and portmanteaus.—Yes, yes, his wits are going.
Don Fer.It must be so; he talked to me last night and to-day of I know not what, in a strange incoherent style.
Spado.Grief—all grief.
Don Fer.If so, this whim of my being Pedrillo is, perhaps, the creation of his own brain,—but then, how could it have run through the whole family?—This is the first time I ever heard Don Scipio was disordered in his mind.
Spado.Ay, we'd all wish to conceal it from your master, lest it might induce him to break off the match, for I don't suppose he'd be very ready to marry into a mad family.
Don Fer.And pray, what are you, sir, in this mad family?
Spado.Don Scipio's own gentleman, these ten years—Yet, you heard him just now call me your fellow servant.—How you did stare when I accosted you as an old acquaintance!—But we always humour him—I should not have contradicted him, if he had said I was the pope's nuncio.
Don Fer.[Aside.]Oh, then I don't wonder at Dame Isabel taking advantage of his weakness.
Spado.Another new whim of his,—he has taken a fancy, that every body has got a ring from him, which, he imagines, belonged to his deceased lady.
Don Fer.True, he asked me something about a ring.
Don Scipio.[Without.]I'll wait on you presently.
EnterDon Scipio.
Don Scipio.Ha, Pedrillo, now your disguises are over, return me the ring.
Spado.[Apart toFernando.]You see he's at the ring again.
Don Scipio.Come, let me have it, lad; I'll give you a better thing, but that ring belonged to my deceased lady.
Spado.[ToFernando.]His deceased lady!—Ay, there's the touch.
Don Fer.Poor gentleman!
[Aside.
Don Scipio.Do let me have it—Zounds, here's five pistoles, and the gold of the ring is not worth a dollar.
Spado.We always humour him; give him this ring, and take the money.
[Apart.—GivesFernandoa Ring.
Don Fer.[Presents it toDon Scipio.]There, sir.
Don Scipio[Gives Money.]And there, sir—Oh, you mercenary rascal![Aside.]I knew 'twas in the purse I gave you last night in the forest.
Spado.Give me the cash, I must account for his pocket money.
[Apart to, and taking the Money fromFernando.
Ped.[Without.]Pedrillo! Pedrillo! sirrah!
Don Scipio.Run, don't you hear your master, you brace of rascals?—Fly!
[ExitSpado.
Don Scipio.[Looking out.]What an alteration!
EnterPedrillo, richly dressed.
Ped.[ToFernando.]How now, sirrah! loitering here, and leave me to dress myself, hey!
[With great Authority.
Don Fer.Sir, I was——
[With Humility.
Ped.Was!—and are—and will be, a lounging rascal, but you fancy you are still in your finery, you idle vagabond!
Don Scipio.Bless me, Don Fernando is very passionate, just like his father.
Don Fer.[Aside.]The fellow, I see, will play his part to the top.
Ped.Well, Don Scipio,—A hey! an't I the man for the ladies?[Strutting.]I am, for I have studied Ovid's Art of Love.
Don Scipio.Yes, and Ovid's Metamorphoses too, ha! ha! ha!
Ped.[Aside.]He! he! he! what a sneaking figure my poor master cuts!—Egad! I'll pay him back all his domineering over me.—Pedrillo!
Don Fer.Your honour?
Ped.Fill this box with Naquatoch.
[Gives Box.
Don Fer.Yes, sir.
[Going.
Ped.Pedrillo!
Don Fer.Sir?
Ped.Perfume my handkerchief.
Don Fer.Yes, sir.
[Going.
Ped.Pedrillo!
Don Fer.Sir?
Ped.Get me a toothpick.
Don Fer.Yes, sir.
[Going.
Ped.Pedrillo!
Don Fer.[Aside.]What an impudent dog!—Sir?
Ped.Nothing—Abscond.
Don Fer.[Aside.]If this be my picture, I blush for the original.
Ped.Master, to be like you, do let me give you one kick.
[Aside toFernando.
Don Fer.What!
Ped.Why, I won't hurt you much.
Don Fer.I'll break your bones, you villain.
Ped.Ahem! Tol de rol.
Don Scipio.Pedrillo!
Ped.Sir?
[Forgetting himself.
Don Fer.[Apart.]What are you at, you rascal?
Ped.Ay, what are you at, you rascal? avoid!
Don Fer.I'm gone, sir.
[Exit.
Ped.Cursed ill-natured of him, not to let me give him one kick.
[Aside.
Don Scipio.Don Fernando, I like you vastly.
Ped.So you ought—Tol de rol.—Who could now suspect me to be the son of a tailor, and that, four hours ago, I was a footman![Aside.]Tol de rol.
Don Scipio.Son-in-law, you're a flaming beau!—Egad, you have a princely person.
Ped.All the young girls—whenever I got behind—Inside of a coach,—All the ladies of distinction, whether they were making their beds, or dressing the—dressing themselves at the toilet, would run to the windows,—peep through their fingers, their fans I mean, simper behind their handkerchiefs, and lisp out in the softest, sweetest tones, "Oh, dear me, upon my honour and reputation, there is not such a beautiful gentleman in the world, as this same Don Pedrill—Fernando."
Don Scipio.Ha! ha! ha! can't forget Pedrillo.—But come, ha' done with your Pedrillos now—be yourself, son-in-law.
Ped.Yes, I will be yourself, son-in-law, you are sure of that honour, Don Scipio; but pray, what fortune am I to have with your daughter? You are a grey-headed old fellow, Don Scipio, and by the course of nature, you know, you cannot live long.
Don Scipio.Pardon me, sir, I don't know any such thing.
Ped.So when we put a stone upon your head——
Don Scipio.Put a stone upon my head!
Ped.Yes, when you are settled—screwed down, I shall have your daughter to maintain, you know.
Don Scipio.[Aside.]A narrow-minded spark!
Ped.Not that I would think much of that, I am so generous.
Don Scipio.Yes, generous as a Dutch usurer!
[Aside.
Ped.The truth is Don Scipio, I was always a smart young gentleman.
[Dances and sings.
Don Scipio.A hey! Since Don Fernando turns out to be such a coxcomb, 'faith, I'm not sorry that my own child, has escaped him:—A convent itself is better than a marriage with a monkey.—The poor thing's fortune though!—And then my son—I begin now to think I was too hard upon Cæsar—to compare him with this puppy—but I must forget my children, Dame Isabel will have me upon no other terms.
[Aside.
Ped.D'ye hear, Don Scipio, let us have a plentiful feast.
Don Scipio.Was ever such a conceited, empty, impudent——
[Exit.
Ped.Yes, I'm a capital fellow, ha! ha! So my fool of a master sets his wits to work after a poor girl, that, I am told, they are packing into a convent, and he dresses me up as himself, to carry the rich Italian heiress. Donna Victoria—Well, I'm not a capital fellow; but I was made for a gentleman—gentleman! I'm the neat pattern for a lord—I have a little honour about me—a bit of love too; ay, and a scrap of courage, perhaps—hem! I wish I'd a rival to try it though—odd, I think I could fight at any weapon, from a needle to a hatchet.
EnterPhilippo, with a Letter and Basket.
Phil.Signor, are you Don Fernando de Zelva?
Ped.Yes, boy.
Phil.Here's a letter for you, sir, from Don Alphonso.
Ped.I don't know any Don Alphonso, boy. What's the letter about?
Phil.I think, sir, 'tis to invite you to a feast.
Ped.A feast!—Oh, I recollect now—Don Alphonso, what! my old acquaintance! give it me, boy.
Phil.But, are you sure, sir, you're Don Fernando?
Ped.Sure, you dog!—don't you think I know myself?—let's see, let's see—[Opens the Letter, and reads.]Signor, though you seem ready to fall on to a love-feast, I hope a small repast in the field won't spoil your stomach—Oh, this is only a snack before supper—I shall be, at six o'clock this evening—You dog, it's past six now—in the meadow, near the cottage of the vines, where I expect you'll meet me—Oh dear, I shall be too late!—As you aspire to Donna Victoria, your sword must be long enough to reach my heart, Alphonso.My sword long enough![Frightened.]Oh, the devil!—Feast! Zounds, this is a downright challenge!
Phil.I beg your pardon, signor, but if I hadn't met my sweetheart, Catilina, you would have had that letter two hours ago.
Ped.Oh, you have given it time enough, my brave boy.
Phil.Well, sir, you'll come?
Ped.Eh! Yes, I dare say he'll come.
Phil.He!
Ped.Yes, I'll give it him, my brave boy.
Phil.Him! Sir, didn't you say you were——
Ped.Never fear, child, Don Fernando shall have it.
Phil.Why, sir, an't you Don Fernando?
Ped.Me! not I, child—no, no, I'm not Fernando, but, my boy, I would go to the feast, but you have delayed the letter so long, that I have quite lost my stomach—Go, my fine boy.
Phil.Sir, I——
Ped.Go along, child, go![PutsPhilippooff.]however, Don Fernando shall attend you—but here comes my sposa—
EnterLorenza, reading a Letter.
DearestLorenza,
By accident I heard of your being in the castle—If you don't wish to be the instrument of your mother's imposition, an impending blow, which means you no harm, this night shall discover an important secret relative to him, who desires to resign even life itself, if not your
Ramirez.
My love![Kisses the Letter.]I wish to be nothing, if not your Lorenza; this foolish Fernando![Looking atPedrillo.]but, ha! ha! ha! I'll amuse myself with him—looks tolerably now he's dressed—not so agreeable as my discarded lover Alphonso, though.
[Aside.
Ped.I'll accost her with elegance—How do you do, signora?
Lor.Very well, sir, at your service.—Dresses exactly like Prince Radifocani.
Ped.Now I'll pay her a fine compliment—Signora, you're a clever little body—Will you sit down, signora?
[Hands a Chair.
Lor.So polite too!
Ped.Oh, I admire politeness.
[Sits.
Lor.This would not be good manners in Florence, though.
Ped.Oh![Rises.]I beg pardon—Well, sit in thatchair; I'll assure you, Donna Victoria, I don't grudge a little trouble for the sake of good manners.
[Places another Chair.
Lor.Voi cette motto gentile.
[Courtesies.
Ped.Yes, I sit on my seat genteelly—I find I understand a good deal of Italian—Now to court her—hem! hem! what shall I say? Hang it, I wish my master had gone through the whole business, to the very drawing of the curtains.—I believe I ought to kneel though—[Aside.—Kneels.]—Oh, you most beautiful goddess, you angelic angel!
[Repeats.
For you, my fair, I'd be a rose,To bloom beneath that comely nose;Or, you the flower, and I the bee,My sweets I'd sip from none but thee.Was I a pen, you paper white,Ye gods, what billet-doux I'd write!My lips the seal, what am'rous smacksI'd print on yours, if sealing-wax.No more I'll say, you stop my breath,My only life, you'll be my death.
For you, my fair, I'd be a rose,To bloom beneath that comely nose;Or, you the flower, and I the bee,My sweets I'd sip from none but thee.Was I a pen, you paper white,Ye gods, what billet-doux I'd write!My lips the seal, what am'rous smacksI'd print on yours, if sealing-wax.No more I'll say, you stop my breath,My only life, you'll be my death.
For you, my fair, I'd be a rose,
To bloom beneath that comely nose;
Or, you the flower, and I the bee,
My sweets I'd sip from none but thee.
Was I a pen, you paper white,
Ye gods, what billet-doux I'd write!
My lips the seal, what am'rous smacks
I'd print on yours, if sealing-wax.
No more I'll say, you stop my breath,
My only life, you'll be my death.
[Rises.
Well said, little Pedrillo!
[Wipes his Knees.
Lor.There is something in Don Fernando's passion extremely tender, though romantic and extravaganza.
Ped.Oh, for some sweet sounds! signora, if you'll sing me a song, I'll stay and hear it, I'm so civil.
Lor.With pleasure, sir.
Heart beating,Repeating,Vows in palpitation,Sweetly answers each fond hope;Pr'ythee leave me,You'll deceive me,After other beauties running,Smiles so roguish, eyes so cunning,Show where points the inclination.
Heart beating,Repeating,Vows in palpitation,Sweetly answers each fond hope;Pr'ythee leave me,You'll deceive me,After other beauties running,Smiles so roguish, eyes so cunning,Show where points the inclination.
Heart beating,
Repeating,
Vows in palpitation,
Sweetly answers each fond hope;
Pr'ythee leave me,
You'll deceive me,
After other beauties running,
Smiles so roguish, eyes so cunning,
Show where points the inclination.
[Exeunt.
A Gallery of the Castle.
EnterFernando,Alphonso, andVictoria.
Don Fer.Give me joy, Alphonso; Father Benedick, in this dear and wished-for union, has this moment made me the happiest of mankind.
Don Alph.Then it is certain all you have told me of my Victoria?
Vict.True, indeed, Alphonso, that name really belongs to me.
Don Alph.No matter, as neither lineage, name, or fortune, caught my heart, let her forfeit all, she is still dear to her Alphonso.
Don Fer.Courage, Alphonso—I'll answer you shall be no exception to the general joy of this happy night.
Don Alph.Happy, indeed, if blest with my Lorenza.
Come, ye hours, with bliss replete,Bear me to my charmer's feet!Cheerless winter must I prove,Absent from, the maid I love;But the joys our meetings bring,Show the glad return of spring.
Come, ye hours, with bliss replete,Bear me to my charmer's feet!Cheerless winter must I prove,Absent from, the maid I love;But the joys our meetings bring,Show the glad return of spring.
Come, ye hours, with bliss replete,
Bear me to my charmer's feet!
Cheerless winter must I prove,
Absent from, the maid I love;
But the joys our meetings bring,
Show the glad return of spring.
[Exeunt.
A View of the Outside of the Castle, with Moat and Drawbridge.
EnterDon CæsarandSpado.
Don Cæsar.You gave my letter to the lady?
Spado.Yes, I did, Captain Ramirez.
Don Cæsar.Lucky, she knows me only by that name.
[Aside.
Spado.A love-affair, hey,—Oh, sly!
Don Cæsar.Hush! Mind you let us all in by the little wicket in the east rampart.
Spado.I'll let you in, captain, and a banditti is like a cat, where the head can get in, the body will follow.
Don Cæsar.Soft! Letting down the drawbridge for me now may attract observation.[Looks out.]Yonder I can get across the moat.
Spado.But, captain![Calling.]My dear captain! If you fall into the water, you may take cold, my dear sir,—I wish you were at the bottom, with a stone about your neck!
[Aside.
At the peaceful midnight hour,Ev'ry sense, and ev'ry pow'r,Fetter'd lies in downy sleep;Then our careful watch we keep,While the wolf, in nightly prowl,Bays the moon, with hideous howl,Gates are barr'd, a vain resistance!Females shriek; but no assistance.Silence, or you meet your fate;Your keys, your jewels, cash and plate;Locks, bolts, bars, soon fly asunder,Then to rifle, rob, and plunder.
At the peaceful midnight hour,Ev'ry sense, and ev'ry pow'r,Fetter'd lies in downy sleep;Then our careful watch we keep,While the wolf, in nightly prowl,Bays the moon, with hideous howl,
At the peaceful midnight hour,
Ev'ry sense, and ev'ry pow'r,
Fetter'd lies in downy sleep;
Then our careful watch we keep,
While the wolf, in nightly prowl,
Bays the moon, with hideous howl,
Gates are barr'd, a vain resistance!Females shriek; but no assistance.Silence, or you meet your fate;Your keys, your jewels, cash and plate;Locks, bolts, bars, soon fly asunder,Then to rifle, rob, and plunder.
Gates are barr'd, a vain resistance!
Females shriek; but no assistance.
Silence, or you meet your fate;
Your keys, your jewels, cash and plate;
Locks, bolts, bars, soon fly asunder,
Then to rifle, rob, and plunder.
[ExitDon Cæsar.
Spado.I see how this is—our captain's to carry off the lady, and my brethren all the booty, what's left for me then? No, devil a bit they'll give me—Oh, I must take care to help myself in time—Got nothing yet, but that portmanteau, a few silver spoons, and tops of pepper-castors; let's see, I've my tools here still—[Takes out Pistols.]'Egad, I'll try and secure a little before these fellows come, and make a general sweep—Eh,[Looks out.]My made-up Fernando!
[Retires.
EnterPedrillo.
Ped.He! he! he! Yes, my master has certainly married the little nunnery-girl—Ha! ha! ha! Alphonso to demand satisfaction of me! no, no, Don Fernando is a master for the gentlemen, I am a man for the ladies.
A soldier I am for a lady,What beau was e'er arm'd completer?When face to face,Her chamber the place,I'm able and willing to meet her.Gad's curse, my dear lasses, I'm readyTo give you all satisfaction;I am the man,For the crack of your fan,Tho' I die at your feet in the action.Your bobbins may beat up a row-de dow,Your lap-dog may out with his bow wow wow,The challenge in love,I take up the glove,Tho' I die at your feet in the action.
A soldier I am for a lady,What beau was e'er arm'd completer?When face to face,Her chamber the place,I'm able and willing to meet her.Gad's curse, my dear lasses, I'm readyTo give you all satisfaction;I am the man,For the crack of your fan,Tho' I die at your feet in the action.Your bobbins may beat up a row-de dow,Your lap-dog may out with his bow wow wow,The challenge in love,I take up the glove,Tho' I die at your feet in the action.
A soldier I am for a lady,
What beau was e'er arm'd completer?
When face to face,
Her chamber the place,
I'm able and willing to meet her.
Gad's curse, my dear lasses, I'm ready
To give you all satisfaction;
I am the man,
For the crack of your fan,
Tho' I die at your feet in the action.
Your bobbins may beat up a row-de dow,
Your lap-dog may out with his bow wow wow,
The challenge in love,
I take up the glove,
Tho' I die at your feet in the action.
Spado[Advances.]That's a fine song, signor.
Ped.Hey! did you hear me sing?
Spado.I did, 'twas charming.
Ped.Then take a pinch of my macquabah.
[Offers, andSpadotakes.
Spado.Now, signor, you'll please to discharge my little bill.
Ped.Bill! I don't owe you any—
Spado.Yes, you do, sir; recollect, didn't you ever hire any thing of me?
Ped.Me! no!
Spado.Oh, yes; I lent you the use of my two fine ears, to hear your song, and the use of my most capital nose, to snuff up your macquabah.
Ped.Eh! what the deuce, do you hire out your senses and organs, and—
Spado.Yes, and if you don't instantly pay the hire, I'll strike up a symphonia on this little barrel organ here.
[Shows a Pistol.
Ped.Hold, my dear sir—there—[Gives Money.]—I refuse to pay my debts!—Sir, I'm the most punctual—[Frightened.]But if you please, rather than hire them again, I'd chuse to buy your fine nose, and your capital ears, out and out.
Spado.Hark ye![In a low Tone.]You owe your Donship to a finesse of mine, so mention this, and you are undone, sirrah!
Ped.Sir![Frightened.]Dear sir![Spadopresents Pistol.]—Oh, lord, sir!
[Exit.
Spado.I suspect presently this house will be too hot for me, yet the devil tempts me strongly to venture in once more. If I could but pick up a few morelittle articles—Ecod, I'll venture, though I feel an ugly sort of tickling under my left ear—Oh, poor Spado.
[Exit.
A Hall in the Castle.
EnterSpado.
Spado.So many eyes about—I can do nothing; if I could but raise a commotion to employ their attention—Oh! here's Don Juan, father to Fernando, just arrived—Yes, if I could but mix up a fine confusion now—ay, that's the time to pick up the loose things—but hold, I am told this Don Juan is very passionate—heh! to set him and Don Scipio together by the ears—Ears!—I have it.
EnterDon Juanin a travelling Dress.
Don Juan.Egad, my coming will surprise my son Fernando, and Don Scipio too—tell him I'm here—I hope I'm time enough for the wedding.
Spado.[Slily.]A grim-looking old gentleman!
[Bows obsequiously.
Don Juan.Who's dog are you?
Spado.How do you do, signor?
Don Juan.Why, are you a physician?
Spado.Me a physician! Alack-a-day, no, your honour, I am poor Spado.
Don Juan.Where's Don Scipio? What the devil, is this his hospitality? he has heard that I am here?
Spado.He hear! Ah, poor gentleman—hear! his misfortune!
Don Juan.Misfortune! What, he's married again?
Spado.At the brink.
Don Juan.Marry, and near threescore! What, has he lost his senses?
Spado.He has nearly lost one, sir.
Don Juan.But where is he? I want to ask him about it.
Spado.Ask! then you must speak very loud, sir.
Don Juan.Why, what, is he deaf?
Spado.Almost, sir, the dear gentleman can scarce hear a word.
Don Juan.Ah, poor fellow! Hey! Isn't yonder my son?
[Walks up.
Spado.Now if I could bring the old ones together, I should'nt doubt of a quarrel.
EnterDon Scipio.
Don Scipio.Ah, here's my friend, Don Juan! Spado, I hope he ha'n't heard of his son's pranks.
Spado.Hear! Ah! poor Don Juan's hearing! I've been roaring to him these five minutes.
Don Scipio.Roaring to him!
Spado.He's almost deaf.
Don Scipio.Bless me!
Spado.You must bellow to him like a speaking trumpet.
[ExitSpado.
Don Scipio.[Very loud.]Don Juan, you are welcome.
Don Juan.[Starting.]Hey! Strange that your deaf people always speak loud—[Very loud.]I'm glad to see you, Don Scipio.
Don Scipio.When people are deaf themselves, they think every body else is too—How long have you been this way?
[Bawling.
Don Juan.Just arrived.
[Bawling in his Ear.
Don Scipio.I mean as to the hearing.
[Very loud.
Don Juan.Ay, I find it's very bad with you.[Bawling.]Zounds, I shall roar myself as hoarse as a raven!
Don Scipio.Ah, my lungs can't hold out a conversation—I must speak by signs.
[Motions to drink.
Don Juan.What now, are you dumb too?
EnterVasquez. WhispersScipio.
Don Scipio.Oh, you may speak out, nobody can hear but me.
Don Juan.[ToVasquez.]Pray, is this crazy fool, your master here, going to be married?
Don Scipio.What!
[Surprised.
Vas.[ToScipio.]Don Fernando would speak to you, sir.
[ExitVasquez.
Don Scipio.I wish he'd come here and speak to this old blockhead, his father.—[Takes his Hand.]—Don Juan, you are welcome to my house—but I wish you had stayed at home.
Don Juan.I am much obliged to you.
Don Scipio.You will soon see your son—as great an ass as yourself.
Don Juan.An ass! you shall find me a tiger, you old whelp!
Don Scipio.Why, zounds! you're not deaf!
Don Juan.A mad—ridiculous!—
EnterFernandoandVictoria.
Fernando! hey, boy, what the devil dress is this?
Don Fer.My father—Sir—I—I—
Don Scipio.[ToVictoria.]What are you doing with that fellow?
Vict.Your pardon, dearest father, when I own that he is now my husband.
Don Scipio.Eh! eh! By this ruin, this eternal disgrace upon my house, am I punished for my unjust severity to my poor son, Don Cæsar—married to that rascal!
Don Juan.Call my son a rascal!
Don Scipio.Zounds, man! who's thinking of your son? But this fellow to marry the girl, and disgrace my family!
Don Juan.Disgrace! He has honoured your family, you crack-brained old fool!
Don Scipio.A footman honour my family, you superannuated, deaf old idiot!
EnterDame Isabella.
Oh, Dame, fine doings! Pedrillo here has married my daughter.
Don Juan.But why this disguise?—what is all this about? tell me, Fernando.
Isab.What, is this really Don Fernando?
Don Scipio.Do you say so, Don Juan?
Don Juan.To be sure.
Don Scipio.Hey! then, Dame, your daughter is left to the valet—no fault of mine, though.
Isab.What a vile contrivance!
Don Fer.No, madam, yours was the contrivance, which love and accident have counteracted, in justice to this injured lady.
Isab.Oh, that villain Spado!
Don Juan.Spado? why that's the villain told me you were deaf.
Don Scipio.Why, he made me believe you could not hear a word.
Isab.And led me into this unlucky error.
[ExitIsabella.
Don Juan.Oh, what a lying scoundrel!
EnterSpado, behind.
Spado.I wonder how my work goes on here!—[Roars inDon Juan's Ear.]I give you joy, sir.
Don Juan.I'll give you sorrow, you rascal!
[Beats him.
Don Scipio.I'll have you hang'd, you villain!
Spado.Hang'd! dear sir, 'twould be the death of me.
Pedrillo.[Without.]Come along, my cara sposa—tol-de-rol—
EnterPedrillo.
How do you do, boys and girls?—Zounds! my old master!
Don Juan.Pedrillo! hey-dey! here's finery!
Ped.I must brazen it out.—Ah, Don Juan, my worthy dad!
Don Juan.Why, what in the name of—but I'll beat you to a mummy, sirrah!
Ped.Don't do that—I'm going to be married to an heiress, so mustn't be beat to a mummy.—Stand before me, spouse.
[Gets behindLorenza.
Don Juan.Let me come at him.
Spado.Stay where you are, he don't want you.
Don Fer.Dear sir.
Don Scipio.Patience, Don Juan; your son has got my daughter—so our contract's fulfilled.
Don Juan.Yes, sir; but who is to satisfy me for your intended affront, hey?
Don Scipio.How shall I get out of this—I'll revenge all upon you, you little rascal! to prison you go—Here, a brace of alguazils, and a pair of handcuffs.
Spado.For me! the best friend you had in the world!
Don Scipio.Friend, you villain! that sha'n't save your neck.
Spado.Why, I've saved your throat.
Don Scipio.How, sirrah?
Spado.Only two of the banditti here in the castle, this morning.
Don Scipio.Oh, dear me!
Spado.But I got them out.
Don Scipio.How? how?
Spado.I told them they should come and murder you this evening.
Don Scipio.Much obliged to you.—Oh, lord!
[A Crash and tumultuous Noise without;Bandittirush in, armed;Don Cæsarat their Head—Fernandodraws, and stands beforeVictoria.
Band.This way!
Don Scipio.Oh, ruin! I'm a miserable old man! Where's now my son, Don Cæsar?—If I hadn't banished him, I should now have a protector in my child.
Don Cæsar.Then you shall.—Hold![ToBanditti.]My father!
[Kneels toDon Scipio.
Don Scipio.How! My son, Don Cæsar!
Don Cæsar.Yes, sir; drove to desperation by—my follies were my own—but my vices——
Don Scipio.Were the consequence of my rigour.—My child! let these tears wash away the remembrance.
Don Cæsar.My father! I am unworthy of this goodness.—I confess even now I entered this castle with an impious determination to extort by force—
Sang.Captain, we didn't come here to talk. Give the word for plunder.
Band.Ay, plunder!
[Very tumultuous.
Don Cæsar.Hold!
Spado.Ay, captain, let's have a choice rummaging.
[Cocks his Pistol.
Ped.Oh, Lord! there's the barrel-organ!
Don Cæsar.Stop! hold! I command you.
Don Scipio.Oh, heavens! then is Ramirez the terrible captain of the cut-throats—the grand tiger of the cave?—But all my fault! the unnatural parentshould be punished in a rebellious child. My life is yours.
Don Cæsar.And I'll preserve it as my own.—Retire, and wait your orders.
[Exeunt allBandittibutSpado.
Don ScipioWhat, then, you won't let me be murdered. My dear boy! my darling! Forgive me!—I—I—I pardon all.
Don Cæsar.Then, sir, I shall first beg it for my companions; if reclaimed, by the example of their leader, their future lives will show them worthy of mercy; if not, with mine let them be forfeit to the hand of justice.
Don Scipio.Some, I believe, may go up—Eh, little Spado, could you dance upon nothing?
Spado.Yes, sir; but our captain, your son, must lead up the ball.
[Bows low.
Don Scipio.Ha! ha! ha! Well, you know, though ill bestowed, I must try my interest at Madrid.—Children, I ask your pardon; forgive me, Victoria, and take my blessing in return.
Vict.And do you, sir, acknowledge me for your child?
Don Scipio.I do, I do; and my future kindness shall make amends for my past cruelty.
Ped.Ha, here comes my sposa—Eh! got a beau already?
EnterAlphonsoandLorenza.
Don Cæsar.My beloved Lorenza!
}[Embrace.
Lor.My dearest.
Don Alph.My good captain! as I knew this lady only by the name of Victoria, you little imagined, in your friendly promises to me, you were giving away your Lorenza; but, had I then known we both lovedthe same mistress, I should, ere now, have relinquished my pretensions.
Lor.My good-natured Alphonso! Accept my gratitude, my esteem; but my love is, and ever was, in the possession of——
Don Cæsar.Dear father, this is the individual lady whose beauty, grace, and angelic voice, captivated my soul at Florence; if she can abase her spotless mind, to think upon a wretch stained with crimes, accompany her pardon with your approbation.
Don Scipio.Isabel has been too good, and I too bad a parent!—Ha! ha! ha! then fate has decreed you are to be my daughter, some way or other.
Ped.Yes; but has fate decreed that my sposa is to be another man's wife?
Spado.And, sir,[ToScipio.]if fate has decreed that your son is not to be hanged, let the indulgence extend to the humblest of his followers.
[Bows low.
Don Scipio.Ha! ha! ha! Well, though I believe you a great, little rogue, yet it seems you have been the instrument of bringing about things just as they should be.
Don Juan.They are not as they should be, and I tell you again, Don Scipio, I will have——
Don Scipio.Well, and shall have—a bottle of the best wine in Andalusia, sparkling Muscadel, bright as Victoria's eye, and sweet as Lorenza's lip: hey, now for our brace of weddings—where are the violins, lutes, and cymbals? I say, let us be merry in future; and past faults our good-humoured friends will forget and forgive.