SCENE the Third.

’T shall cost me more than a whole Child in getting,Some win by play, and standers by with Betting.[Exeunt.

EnterSpruce, Arabellawith a Letter in her Hand,Clara, Mr.Venter, and Mrs.Venter.

Mr.Ven.From whence came that Letter, Niece?

Ara.FromPutney, Sir, and from my Husband.

Mr.Ven.And pray be free; Does he tell ye the Cause of his leaving you so abruptly on his Wedding-day?

Ara.Yes; Sir, yet this had been sufficient to have let me known what he is gone about, without the formal Addition of an Epistle.

Spruce.That, why what is that I pray Madam?

Ara.His Will, Sir, wherein he makes me his sole Executrix.

Spr.Will! why what the Devil does he mean, seriously I can’t find it out?

Ara.Why, Sir, he’s gone to fight.

Spr.How fight, Madam! On my Soul then I believeFriendly’s Second.

Ara.You’re in the right, he is so, and I am lost for ever!

Cla.O foolishFriendly, this thy Mistake has made me the most wretched of Woman-kind! Such variety of Thoughts load my afflicted Breast, that I know not what to think: I rave, am mad, not knowing what my Folly may produce; I fear for both, for both my Heart does bleed.

Ara. Miserable Maid! nay, miserable Wife! but much more miserable Widow! O my dearBonvile!

Spr.Duce take me, if e’re I saw a Company so Phlegmatick in all my Life: Mr.Venter, prethee let’s have a Song, to pass away the Time, and put Life into the Bride.

Mr.Ven.With all my Heart, Mr.Spruce: Here, who waits?—Call in the Musick, and desire ’em to oblige the Ladies with a new Song.[Servant Enter and Exit.]

Cla.Your self, Sir, you mean?

Spr.Nay all of us I protest.

Mr.Ven.Ay, ay, all of us.

Enter Musick and others who sing.

A Dialogue set bySeignior Baptist.

Man.A Woman’s LoveWoman.And Man’s is such,Man.Still too little,Wom.Or else too much.Wom.Men are Extreams,Man.And Women too,Wom.All, all are false,Man.All, All like you.Wom.You’ll swear and lie,Man.If you’l believe,Wom.And sigh and die,Man.Yet still deceive.Wom.Your Vows and OathsMan.Your Smiles and Tears,Wom.Are all but Baits,Man.Are all but Snares.Wom.To win a Heart,Man.And then destroy,Wom.The easy Fool,Man.The promis’d Joy.

Another Strain.

Wom.I’le have you offer no more your Pretending,Man.Nor will I suffer your modish Dissembling:Wom.For Honour commands,Man.And Freedom withstands,Wom.What you?Man.And you.Wom.I know wou’d have me be, your Slave,Man.I know wou’d have me be, your Slave.Wom.O, no, no, no!Man.No, no, no, no!Wom.I never will agree,Man.I ever will be free.

After the Song enter JusticeMerryman, Summerfield,and three or four Sailers.

Mer.Daughter, Daughter! Where’s my Daughter? I say, Where’s my Daughter? O Girl, I have the best News to tell you——

Ara.What of my Husband, Sir?

Mer.No, no, of your Cousin, Girl, of your Cousin.

Ara.What of him, Sir?

Mer.Such a Cousin, Girl, such a dear Cousin he is, asAlexander the Great, if he were alive, might be proud and boast of.

Ara.You’re welcome here again, Sir; You’ve made but a short Voyage, pray what occasion’d your Return so speedily?

Sum.Madam, I render you ten thousand Thanks; Your Generosity and Goodness has wholly made me yours; I am the humblest of your faithful Admirers.

Ara.Forbear such lavish Gratitude; You’r too profuse in your Acknowledgment of your small Favours. But pray be brief, and let me know the happy Occasion of this your sudden Return, I long methinks to hear it.

Sum.Madam, you may command me—Not to molest the Company with the Recital of every vain and needless Circumstance; ’twas briefly thus. Scarce had we passed byMargeton our Course, when on a sudden, from the Top-mast head, a Sailer cries, All hands Aloft, three Sails ahead: With that we rumidg and clear our Deck, our Gun-room arm’d, and all things now are ready for a Fight. The Ships before descried, with warlike Stems cut the resisting Waves, whilst from their Pendants fluttering in the Air, we found they were threeDunkirkPrivateers; they having made our English Cross advanced, salute us with a Broad-side, to make us strike and yield: But we, who ne’re knew as yet what ’twas so cowardly to yield, and not regarding their unequal Odds, fell boldly on, returning Fire for Fire. The Engagement then grew desperate, for they on either Side fired in amain, whilst we withstood their Force. At length they boldly grappled, and laid us close aboard, and we as bravely beat them off again.

Mer.But now, Daughter, mark what follows, for that’s worth all, I’faith it is; therefore go on, dear Cuz, go on.

Sum.Sea-room at length we got; when (as Fate wou’d have it) an unlucky Shot struck both the Captain and Lieutenant dead. Then we began to fear, and all our noble Hearts were trembling with despair.

Mer.No, no, not all Daughter—But you shall hear more—Ods bobs you shall.

Sum.How cou’d it be otherwise, when both our Commanders now were lost? therefore to strike was all the Talk——

Mer.Ay, ay, now Daughter, now comes the Play, the other was only the Prologue.

Sum.But Fortune favouring, and the Wind springing a fresh Gale, we got clear off and try’d to make a running Fight.

Mer.Ay, but Cuz, how did we do all this? by whose Order and Direction?

Sum.Pardon me, Sir, ’twas of so small Moment, that already it has slipt my treacherous Memory.

Mer.Oh, ho! has it so! Ha, ha, ha! But it has not mine, I thank you, no marry has it not, as you shall hear—Then he, with an undaunted Spirit, started up amongst the Sailers, and——

Sum.Nay pray Sir——

Mer.By the Foot ofPharaohI’ll not be balkt; he, I say, with an Heroick Voice cried out, Courage brave boys, Charge and Discharge amain; come I’ll supply your fall’n Captain’s place. At this blest News they all fell on again, with ten thousand times more Fury than before: Victory, Victory, was all their cry, whilst he myCousin here, whom I shall ne’re forget, for by the Lord, methinks, I see him in the Fight this very Instant, now running this way, now running that way, now down to the Gun-room to encourage those that fought there; now upon the Deck again, still crying out, Fear not, brave Boys, the Day will soon be our’s.

Sum.O pray, Sir, let me intreat you to forbear, you make me ashamed, I protest, to hear you.

Mer.Ashamed, say you? Ha, ha, ha!

Ara.Good Sir, go on.

Mer.I will, I will—At length the proud French swallowing too many of our English Balls, two of ’em very fairly cried, Your Servants Gentlemen, farewel, and down they went. The other having lost most of her Men, resolved to leave us; but we being too nimble, overtook her, clapt some Men aboard, and brought her in a Prize: And this my brave Man of War here, was the first that boarded her with Sword in Hand.

1 Sailer.Of all this I was an Eye-witness.

2 Sailer.And so was I.

3 Sailer.And I, and all of us.

Mer.Yes, and many more stout Boys besides.

Spruce.Sir, we are all indebted to your Valour; such Voyages as these, from small Venturers, in time may make us great Merchants.

Mer.Well, never was Fight better managed before, that’s certain.

1 Sail.No, never, never!

2 Sail.Better, say you? No nor half so well.

3 Sail.If it were in our Power, we’d make him Admiral, so we wou’d.

Sum.Gentlemen, ’tis to your Valours all, that I am indebted for the Honour I have gain’d: And that I may not seem wholly ungrateful, there, there’s something in token of my Thankfulness.[Gives ’em Money.

1, 2, 3 Sailers.Heaven bless your Worship.

Ara.Come Cousin, we’l withdraw into the Parlour: And if these honest Friends will be pleased to drink what our House affords, they shall be welcome.

1 Sail.Thank you Mistress with all our Hearts.[Exeuntall but Sailers.

2 Sail.Well, this Mr.Summerfieldis a brave Fellow, Gadzooks he is.

3 Sail.AyTomso he is; had it not been for him, we had all been taken on my Conscience.

1 Sail.On my Soul and so we had: O if you had but seen him when he boarded theMonsieur, ’twou’d have made you laugh ’till you had split your Sides. He came up to the Captain o’this fashion with a Slap—ha! and gave him such a back-handed wipe, that he cut off his Head as genteely, as tho he had served seven Years Apprenticeship to’t.

Enter Servant with a Bowl of Punch.

Serv.Gentlemen, Mr.Summerfielddesires ye to be merry, and has sent you this to drink his Health.

1 Sail.O, the Lord bless him, he’s a fine Gentleman, and so pray tell him, and withal give him our hearty Thanks; Dost hear Boy?

Serv.Yes, yes, I will.[Exit.

2 Sail.What is’t Brother?

3 Sail.Punch by this Light!

Omnes.Hoo-ra; Hoo-ra; VivaMr.Summerfield, Viva, Hoora.

[The first Sailer takes the Bowl of Punch, walks in state round the Stage, and sings; the others all follow.]

Here’s a Health to jolly Bacchus,Here’s a Health to jolly Bacchus,Hi ho, hi ho, hi ho.For he will merry make us,For he will merry make us,Hi ho, hi ho, hi ho.Then sit ye down together,Then sit ye down together.[They all sit down with the Bowl in the middle.

2 Sail.Pshaw! Pox o’th’ this old Song, prithee let’s have a Dance.

3 Sail.With all my Heart; strike up Musick.The Sailers and their Wives dance.

After the Dance.

1 Sail.So, well done my Lads, now let’s aboard amain,And suck our Faces o’re and o’re again.Brandy we’ve got enough, by this blest Chance,We’l nothing drink but Punch, when we getFrance.

Omn.Hoora! Hoora!Exeunt omnes.

The End of the Third ACT.

{2 Tables, three Chairs to each.EnterCompasse, Peg,andPettifog.

A Drawer Meets them.

Drawer.Welcome Gentlemen. Please to walk into a Room?

Compasse:Aye Boy. Come Mr.Pettifog, please you sit.

Pettifog:With all my Heart; Come Mistress.

Draw.What Wine will you be pleased to drink, Gentlemen?

Pett.Ask the good Woman: speak Mistress.

Com.Canary for her; I know what relishes her Palat best. A Quart of brisk Canary, Boy.

Draw.Ye shall have the best inEngland.—Coming, Coming, Sir.[Exit.

Com.What call you this same Tavern, Mr. Attorney?

Pett.The King’s Head, Sir.

Com.The King’s Head: Marry, it has a good Neighbour ofGuild-hall. It takes many a fair Pound upon that ’n Account, I warrant you.

Draw.(within) A Quart of Canary in the King’s-head, score.

Enter Drawer, fills a Glass, and gives itCompasse.

Draw.Sir, Here’s a Glass of the richest Canary that ever came over, the very Quintessence of the Grape I assure you.

Com.Say’st thou so? Why then there’s a Tester for thee, and so leave us—. Come, Mr.Pettifog, [Exit Drawer] and ’t please you my Service to you.[Drinks.

Pett.I thank you kindly, Sir.—Mrs. my Service to you, your Husband’s good Health.[Drinks.

Peg.With all my Heart indeed, Here my dear black ey’d Rogue, thy n’own good Health.[Drinks.

Com.Thank youPeg, thank you, so now let’s mind our Business.

Enter Mr.Ventere, his Wife, andDodge, to another Table in the same Room.

Mr.Ven.Show a Room, Drawer.

Draw.Here Sir.

Mr.Ven.Ne’re a private Room?

Draw.No Sir, the House is full.

Com.Ods fish, whom have we here, my Wife’s Merchant, with his Lawyer?

Pett.Ye know we promised to give him a Meeting here.

Comp.’Tis true we did so,—but come to the Business in hand.[PettifogandCompassetalk privately.

Mr.Ven.Well, bring us a Bottle of your best Red.

Draw.You shall have it, Sir.[ExitDrawer.

Mr.Ven.And what do you think of my Cause, Mr.Dodge?

Dodge.O we shall carry it most certainly: You have Money to go through with the Business; and ne’re fear but we’ll trounce them swingingly.

Mr.Ven.I warrant you think it very strange, Mr.Dodge, that I am at this Charge and Expence to bring a farther Charge upon me.

Dodge.Not I, I assure you, Sir, for I know you are a wise Man, and know very well what you do; besides you have Money, Money enough, Sir.

Mr.Ven.Why the short and the long of the Business is this; I made a Purchase lately, and in that I did estate the Child (about which I’m sued) Joint-Purchaser with me in all the Land I bought.

Mrs.Ven.Right Husband; and you know ’twas I that advised you to make the Purchase, and therefore I’ll never give my Consent to have the Child brought up by such a stinking Tar-barrel as now sues for him; he’d only bring him up to be a Swabber; no, no, he was born a Merchant and a Gentleman, and he shall live and die so.

Dodge.You are a worthy Gentlewoman upon my word; there are but few of such a noble Temper: But what makes the Fool of the Husband then so troublesome; does he not know when he’s well?

Mrs.Ven.So ’tis a sign.

Dodge.A Blockhead, to proclaim his own Disgrace, and make himself laugh’d at.

Mr.Ven.That’s not it, he hopes to be the better by what is settled on the Boy.

Dodge.O, God’s so, that’s true: But never fear, I’ll be hang’d if he carry it, for you have Money, as I told you, Sir, before: but see, Sir, there they are.

Mr.Ven.Yes, Yes, I saw them before: but come, where’s our Wine?(Within) [the Bell rings as at the Bar.

Enter Drawer with a Bottle of Wine.

Draw.Here Sir,—Coming, Coming, Sir:Philip, speak up in the Mermaid, and bidJacklight a Fire.[ExitDrawer.

Comp.Well Mr.Pettifog, and what think you of my Suit, Sir?

Pett.Why look you Sir, the Defendant you know was arrested first by aLatitatin an Action of Trespass.

Comp.Yes, and a Lawyer told me, it shou’d have been an Action of the Case, did he not, Wife?

Peg.I have no Skill in the Law you know Husband, but the Gentleman did say so.

Pett.Aye, but your Action of the Case in this Point is too ticklish.

Comp.Well, but pray tell me, do you think I shall overthrow my Adversary?

Pett.Without all doubt, the Child he says is none of yours, What of that! I marry a Widow, and am by Consequence possess’d of a Ward. Now shall not I have the Management of that Ward? Now Sir you lie at a stronger Ward, forPartus sequitur ventrem, says the Civil Law: So that if you were within the Compass of the four Seas, as the Common Law goes, the Child must be yours, that’s certain.

Comp.Say you so, Sir? Why then the Child’s my own, for I have been a Coaster these five Years and more; and so my Service to you: [Drinks]. O your Attorneys inGuild-hallhave a rare time on’t, by the LordHarry.

Peg.They are as it were both Judg and Jury themselves.

Comp.And O how they will laugh at their Clients when they sit in a Tavern, and call them Fools, Blockheads and Coxcombs, and then whip up their Causes as nimbly as a Barber trims his Customers on aChristmas-Eve; a Snip, a Wipe and away.

Pett.That’s very common, you shall have the like at aNisi-prius.

Enter Drawer.

Draw.Here’s a Gentleman, one Mr. JusticeMerryman, enquires for Mr.Venterethe Merchant.

Mr.Ven.Here Boy, desire them to walk up. [ExitDrawer.] ’Tis my Brother, and a Counsellor, to make an End of this same Business.

Enter JusticeMerrymanand a Counsellor; both Tables rise and join together.

Merr.Your Servant, Gentlemen, your Servant: CounsellorBlunderand I have been canvasing the Business of this your Difference; and I believe, Brother, the Law will determine it as we have done; for it is point blank against you.

Mr.Ven.If it is, I must be contented: Well Sir, the Child’s your Wife’s, and you shall have it; and to endear you the more to’t, I’ll settle my part of the Estate on you and yours for ever: Give me your Hand.[They shake Hands.

We now are Friends.

Merr.Why that’s well said.

Couns.We all are Witness to the Agreement.

Omnes.All, all.

Comp.Nay I scorn to be outdone in Civility; therefore if you please I have a Gallon or two of Prize-Wine, and half a Dozen of good soundBruges-Capons, which I’ll treat you and this good Company with at Supper; but no more Mutton, no not a bit.

Merr.Well Brother, I’m glad you’re Friends: Ods bobs I am. But come, let’s home now, and see what’s become of the Bride and Bridegroom: Farewel Friend, farewell: Come we’ll pay at the Bar.[ExeuntMerr.Mr.Vent.and his Wife,Couns.andDodge.

Comp.ComePeg, Come and kiss me.[Compasskisses Peg.

I am Friends with thee too now.

Pett.Aye, aye, you have Reason, she has earn’d you a good Fortune; and need not venture to Sea any more: Yet one thing let me advise you, ’tis Counsel worth a good Fee, for it cures Cuckoldom.

Comp.Sayst thou so, come let’s hear it.

Pett.This it is, Make a flat Divorce between your selves, be you no longer her Husband, nor she your Wife: Two or three Hours after meet again, salute, woo and wed afresh, and so the base Name of Cuckold’s blotted quite. This has been experienc’d and approved by many.

Comp.’Tis excellent i’faith,—There, there’s for you; and I thank you.Peg, I renounce thee,—nay and I renounce my self too from thee; thou art now a Widow,Peg; I’ll go hang my self two or three Hours at one o’ th’ Main Yards, and so long thou shalt go drown thy self. Then we’ll meet inWhite-Chappel-Fields, as it were by chance, and woo and wed again.

Peg.With all my Heart, kind Sir, fare you well.

Comp.Farewel Widow, remember Time and Place, and d’ you hear, Put on your Sabbath-day best Clothes.

Peg.I will, I will.[Exit Peg.

Comp.Sir, I am beholding to you for your good Counsel.

Pett.No, Sir, you have paid me for ’t, but I hope you do not intend to follow your own.

Comp.What is that?

Pett.Why, you said you’d hang your self.

Camp.No no, I have thought better on’t, for I’ll go drink my self dead drunk, then wake again, wash my Face, and meet the Bride.

Pett.That’s well said, and I’ll accompany you, and wish you Joy.

Comp.Joy, Sir, I have it Sir already, in a good Estate got by a Chopping Boy.[Exeunt.

EnterFriendly solus.

Fri.Was ever Fortune like to this of mine? Who for the Smile of a vile simple Woman, have acted thus against my very Soul, all to please a Creature, whose next Command perhaps will higher mount, it may be light on my self, as now it did onBonvile.

EnterClara.

Cla.Ha!Friendlyhere alone. Now, now, my Fears begin.[Aside.So, Sir, you are return’d I see.[To him.

Fri.Madam, I am, and like those noble Knights in former times, after subduing all their Ladies Foes, returning with the joyful News of Conquest, receive her trembling to their longing Arms, and claim her as their own, so I——.

Cla.What mean you, Sir?

Fri.Madam, You are obeyed, your hard Commands fulfilled; at your Request I’ve kill’d my Friend, nay and my best of Friends.

Cla.How? kill’d your Friend for me.

Fri.Indeed ’tis true.

Cla.Then thou art truly wretched: But say, say quickly, who’s this unhappy Man whom thy Mistake hath thus untimely kill’d?

Fri.Bonvile.

Cla.Bonvilesaid you? My Blood with an unusual Course runs backward from my Heart! Horror has seiz’d my Soul! A thick-black Mist has overcast my Sight, and I am not the same: but speak, O speak again, Was itBonvile?

Fri.Why shou’d you seek to iterate my Guilt, by a Rehearsal of that dreadfulName? Too sure, alas! It was:Bonvile’s the Friend I’ve kill’d.

Cla.Curs’d be the Tongue that spoke it, but doubly curs’d the Hand that did the barbarous Fact.

Fri.Why Madam, was it not your Command to kill my Friend; nay more, my best of Friends?

Cla.Yes, and I thought my self your best of Friends.

Fri.I hope you wou’d not have had me murder’d you?

Cla.No, Monster, no.

Fri.These are Riddles.

Cla.Fool, our whole Sex is made of nothing else: Thou mayst sooner untie the Gordian Knot, expound the Problems of the monstrousSphynx, and read what is decreed in the mysterious Book of Fate, than unfold a Woman’s sly malitious Meaning.

Fri.Very well; she first set me on to do this most accurs’d of Deeds, and now upbraids me; nay wou’d hang me for ’t: These are the Tricks of all her damning Sex. O Woman, Woman, Woman, dear devilish Woman, farewel.[Offers to go.

Cla.StayFriendly, all I have said was only to try your Constancy; and whether you’d repent of what you’ve done. But tell me truly, isBonvilesurely dead?

Fri.Indeed he is.

Cla.’Tis bravely done, and I adore thee for ’t. By Heaven I love thee now, even unto Dotage!

Fri.Was ever Change like this? The subtlest Labyrinth Wit cou’d ere invent, affords not half so many Turnings as a Woman’s Mind.[Aside.

What mean you, Madam, by this seeming Transport?

Cla.OFriendly,Friendly, I am all o’re Extasy! Thou hast done a Deed that ravishes my Soul. At once thou hast kill’d my dear and only Friend, and slain the fatal’st Enemy I had.

Fri.What more Riddles Madam, pray explain your self.

Cla.I will; I will declare a Secret which till now I never did disclose: I lov’d thatBonvilewhom thou now hast slain, not as I ought to do, but with a Woman’s Love, which he never did know: And Yesterday when I beheld the fatal Marriage ended, then like a Merchant walking on theDownes, sees a rich Vessel of his own engaged, and after took, and born away a Prize: So I, after I’d seen myBonvilelost, (for so he was to me) resuming all the Malice of a Woman, resolved never to entertain one Thought of Love again; but lead a Life asLaplandWitches do, only on others Ruines: Then when you approached me with the hateful Sound of Love, to dash your Hopes, and put a Period to your growing Passion, I bid you kill your best and dearest Friend?

Fri.True.

Cla.Now the best Friend to one in Love, is Love it self.

Fri.O my curs’d Stars, that wrap’d me up in such a black Mistake, What have I done?

Cla.Done! Why you have done bravely, why do you tremble?

Fri.An inward Guilt lies heavy on my Soul, and Horror with all her dreadful Forms still haunts my Sight. And did you love thisBonvile?

Cla.The Queen of Beauty never doted more on her belovedAdonisthan I on him.

Fri.And now as much you hate him: O the unheard-of Inconstancy of Women! All that they have is feign’d; their Teeth, their Hair, their Blushes, and theirSmiles; nay their very Conscience (if any such they have) is feign’d; all counterfeit and false: Let them wash, patch and daub themselves with all the Helps for Nature that Art cou’d e’re invent, still they are Women: And let ’em rob allIndiaof its store to adorn themselves therewith, still are they not all that thing call’d Woman: I know not what to do, for I love and hate this Creature both at once.

Cla.What ails myFriendly?

Fri.ButBonvileyet must feel his Enemies Rage; shall he succeed in Love, whilst I am cross’d in mine? No, it must not, cannot, nay it shall not be.

Four Heads I have, to make a Plot not common;Malice, Revenge, the Devil, and a Woman.[Offers to go.

Cla.What will you leave me then?

Fri.Leave thee; yes, forever: Fly thee as I wou’d a Blast from Hell: Thou art thy self a Hell; thy base detested hateful Woman’s Breath infects the purest Air:

May my Friend’s Blood, which I for thee have spilt,Light on thy Head, and your’s be all the Guilt.[Exeuntseverally.

EnterCompassenew clothed,Pettifog, and two or three Men Neighbors.

Comp.Gentlemen and Neighbours, as you have been Witnesses to our Divorce, so shall ye now be Evidences to our next Meeting, which I look for every Minute.

1stNeigh.I came for that Intent, Neighbour.

Comp.I thank you: well, I do not think but you’ll all see me come off with as smooth a Forehead, and make my Wife as honest a Woman as a Man wou’d desire sometimes, I mean of her Rank; and a teeming Woman, as you know she has been: Nay, I do not think but the Child too will be found to be as lawful a Child as any Couple of unmarried People can beget.

2dNeigh.We long to see it NeighbourCompasse, that so some of us may do the like upon the same occasion.

Comp.You’re in the right, old Stitch of the World: But soft, see where she comes with a whole Bundle of as good sound Maidens as her self.

EnterPegnew cloth’d, with three or four Women Neighbours.

Stand aside a little, and mind me I pray.

Omnes.Agreed, agreed.

Comp.Good Morrow fair Maid.

Peg.In truth Sir you are mistaken in both, for I am neither fair, nor yet a Maid.

Comp.No, what are you then I pray, a Wife?

Peg.That indeed I was, but alas,—I am now a Widow.

Comp.A Widow say you? Nay then I must make bold with you; for look you, your Case is somewhat like mine, I being a Husband without a Wife.

1stNeigh.Aye neighbour, this is something like.

Pett.They begin well, let them go on.

Comp.How long have you been a Widow, good Woman? Nay pray do not weep forsooth.

Peg.I can’t choose but cry, to think of the great Loss I had.

Comp.Why, was he an honest Man?

Peg.Honest quoth a’, I vow and protest he was as honest a Man as e’re broke Bread. O I shall never have such another.[Cries out.

Comp.By my Faith now Mistress you have had a great Loss indeed, for an honest Man is not to be found every where, nor in every Street.

Pett.The Rogue’s witty.

2dNeigh.Aye, aye, let ’em go on.

Comp.And how long is it since you lost this honest Husband?

Peg.O dear, his Memory is too fresh; and the Sight of you doubles my Sorrow.

Comp.The Sight of me, say you; why, was he so like me?

Peg.As one Apple to another; your two Hands are not more alike.

Comp.Nay then I cannot blame thee to weep: An honest Man he was I warrant him; and you have had a mighty Loss, that’s the Truth on’t: But was he proportioned like me, so well limb’d, and of such a wholesom Complexion, heh!

Peg.No Twins were ever more alike.

Comp.Well I love, his Memory is still better and better: and how many Children did he leave behind him?

Peg.Only one, Sir.

Comp.A Boy or a Girl?

Peg.A dainty fine Boy, Sir.

Comp.Just my own case still; my Wife (rest her Soul) left me a Boy too, a lusty chopping Boy of his Age (as they tell me, for I never saw it).

Peg.So is mine.

Comp.And what Profession was your Husband of?

Peg.A Seaman.

Comp.Heigh! my own Faculty too! And can you like a Man of that Profession again?

Peg.Yes surely, for his dear sake, whom I lov’d so tenderly, I shall always esteem a Sailer.

Comp.Shall you so? why then here’s your Man: What say you, Is’t a Match?

Peg.Dear me, I am so ashamed, and yet to speak the Truth, I do like you hugely, and wou’d like you better still, if it were not for one thing, which a little troubles me.

Comp.What’s that?

Peg.Why, you know sometimes we are forc’d to endure the Absence of our Husbands a long while, mehappen many Years, and then if there be any Slip in us, (as long Vacations will make Lawyers hungry) the World is apt to censure and scandalize us; and brand us with wanton Living and Incontinency; when alas! if they wou’d but consider our Condition, and the mighty Longings we often naturally have for Flesh and Blood, they wou’d not blame us, so they wou’d not.

Comp.Come, come, no Matter, canst thou love me, Widow?

Peg.Ah, if I durst but speak my Mind, I know what I wou’d say.

Comp.Durst, why who do you fear? here’s none but an honest Gentleman, some few Friends and Neighbours; let them hear a God’s Name what you wou’d say, and never blush for the Matter.

1stW. Neigh.Aye, aye, speak Neighbour, pray speak your Mind, and fear not.

Peg.I shall be thought too weak to yield at first Sight.

2dW. Neigh.Paw! paw! that’s only Nicety.

Peg.Well then I do love him dearly and dearly, so I do.[Runs and kisses him.

Comp.And I thee with all my Heart and Soul.[Comp.kissesPeg.Now we’ll be merry, and have a Song, shall we not my Neighbours?

3dNeigh.Marry will we, NeighbourLuffand Mrs. Bride, will ye give us a Song?

Peg.With all my Heart, come Neighbour.

A DIALOGUE.

Man:Faith and Troth I love thee dearly,Tho I do but bluntly woo,Prithy then resolve me clearly,Whether I am beloved by you.Long I shall not keep a pother,Like a senseless whining Beau;If you won’t I’ll court anotherWho will never say me no.Woman:Friend, your self, nor Humour neitherWith my Fancy disagree,Yet I must find clearer WeatherEr’e I venture out to Sea.Court another at your PleasureWin her in the Honey-moon,She may chance repent at leisure,For believing you too soon.Man:Leave your damn’d Fantastick Trials,Which procure a Lover’s Pain,Pox upon these sham-Denials,’Tis but spending time in vain.With Embraces happy make me,Nature fram’d you to be kind;Kiss me, and the Devil take meIf I ever change my Mind.Woman:I’ll pursue the good old Fashion,Practise still by those are wise,Throughly try my Lover’s Passion,E’re I let him grasp the Prize.Spite of Oaths you wou’d forsake me,Shou’d I let you once embrace:If I kiss, the Devil take me,Till the Parson has said Grace.

Woman:Friend, your self, nor Humour neitherWith my Fancy disagree,Yet I must find clearer WeatherEr’e I venture out to Sea.Court another at your PleasureWin her in the Honey-moon,She may chance repent at leisure,For believing you too soon.

Man:Leave your damn’d Fantastick Trials,Which procure a Lover’s Pain,Pox upon these sham-Denials,’Tis but spending time in vain.With Embraces happy make me,Nature fram’d you to be kind;Kiss me, and the Devil take meIf I ever change my Mind.

Woman:I’ll pursue the good old Fashion,Practise still by those are wise,Throughly try my Lover’s Passion,E’re I let him grasp the Prize.Spite of Oaths you wou’d forsake me,Shou’d I let you once embrace:If I kiss, the Devil take me,Till the Parson has said Grace.

ChorusSince then NationHas made it a Fashion,Let’s send for a Black Coat, whilst we’re in the Mind.But it is damn’d Slavery,And Priestly Knavery,That Parsons must conjure e’re Lovers be kind.

Com.So, so, here now shall we be Man and Wife again to Morrow, as good as ever. What thô we met as Strangers, we may happen to love ne’re the worse for all that—Gentlemen and Neighbours, I invite ye all to my Wedding.

Omnes.We’l not fail you, and wish you Joy.

Com.Did I not tell you that I would fetch it cleverly off? Let any Man call me Cuckold if he dares now.

Petti.’Tis slander in him I assure you who-ever does.

Com.Nay it will bePetti Lacenaryat least, and without Compass of the General Pardon too: And for the Child, let me hear him that dares say, I am not the Father.

Petti.Sure none will dare dispute it.

Com.Or that my Wife that is to be, is not as honest a Woman as some other Mens Wives are.

Petti.No question of that.

Com.O how fine and smooth my Brows are now!

1 M. Neigh.Aye but when you’re married, they’ll come to themselves again I warrant ye.

Com.My Friends, if you please, you may call me Mr. Bridegroom now, for the Guests are all bidden to the Wedding.

1 M. Neigh.We know it, Mr. Bridegroom, they are Indeed, and we’ll not fail you upon our Words.

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