A BAFFLED AMBITION
McKinley, President.Roosevelt, Vice-President.Hay, Secretary of State.Doorkeeper.
Roosevelt—Mr. President, I have come to consult with you about——
McKinley—Why, yes, of course. I expect always to consult with the leading men of the party—you and the others.
R.—Others?
McK.—In the great scheme of the universe Heaven has provided others.
R.—There are also snakes and flies, but we do not accord them a voice in the ordering of large affairs.
McK.—There is my Cabinet.
R.—Nice chaps—they will, no doubt, be glad to carry out any policy that we may decide upon.
McK.—Then I understand that in the guidance and direction of this administration you have the goodness to care to be the Whole Thing?
R.—You do me the greatest injustice (lifting his eyes to the sky and reverently pointing in the same direction). There is a greater than I.
McK.—Have you any other news?
R.—I have read your message from start to finish.
McK.—Indeed! And what do you think of it?
R.—The worst I ever! It does not at all express my views on the——
McK.—The views expressed are supposed to be those of the President.
R.—The devil!
McK.—I beg pardon. The President.
R.—But where do I come in?
McK.—Into what? The White House? Where the cat does, I think. The other entrances are guarded.
R.—Look here, pardner, I mean to be a part of this administration.
McK.—With that hat?
R.—What’s the matter with the hat?
McK.—The head. [Rings bell, enter Hay.] Mr. Secretary, this gentleman has the goodness to wish to resign and become a part of the administration. Is there a vacancy in the Cabinet?
Hay—You can easily make one, sir, by appointing him.
[Exit Roosevelt, swearing.]
The Russian Ambassador has called to talk of a concerted movement on Peking, to rescue the besieged legations.
McK.—Never mind that now—let us have peace.
[Enter Doorkeeper, pale and agitated.]
Doorkeeper—O, if you please, sir, the gentleman with the teeth!
McK.—Well?
D.—He—he showed ’em!
McK.—Well?
D.—He—he drawed a bowie knife! If you please, sir, I—I’d like another place.
McK.—You are right, my good man. You shall be Minister to China.