A WHITE HOUSE IDYL
President Roosevelt.Shonts, Engineer of the Panama Canal.Loeb, Private Secretary to the President.The Adversary of Souls.The Press.
PRESIDENT (solus):There!—’tis to be a lock canal. Now letThe dirt fly.[Enter Shonts.]SHONTS:Very well, sir, don’t you fret;It will, right speedily, I’m sure. But I—I’m getting out of this concern. I fly![Exit Shonts.]PRESIDENT:Now let the heathen rage: their pet sea-levelCanal has gone a-glimmering to the devil.[Enter Loeb with a card.]What’s this? “The Adversary.” Just my luck—Without a rake I get all kinds of muck.Always that Democrat appears if IBut mention him—I really wonder why.Of one too many he’s the one. Go say(sighing)That I’ll not see him—I’ve seen Shonts to-day.LOEB:The gentleman is in the waiting room.I think he wants to talk about your “boom.”PRESIDENT:Wants an appointment in my Cabinet,And there’s no vacancy.LOEB:O you forget—There’s Hitchcock.[Enter Adversary.]PRESIDENT:Ah, good morning, sir. Delighted!(aside)The fellow never waits till he’s invited.ADVERSARY:Sir, we have overlooked the unwritten lawForbidding a third term. You must withdraw.PRESIDENT (aside):Come to torment me! How this horrid shape,Grinning behind his hand like any ape,Maddens to candor. (Aloud) Brute! you might delayYour triumph until I have had my dayAnd nations weep, in slow procession walking——ADVERSARY:For him who dug the great canal by talking!’Twere long to wait unless your tongue were madeBy miracle divine into a spade.PRESIDENT:Take that, you beast![Beats him and chases him off the stage, losing his temper in the scuffle.]LOEB (solus):The rogues fall out—sic semper.As honest man, I will annex his temper.[Puts President’s temper under his coat and exit.]
PRESIDENT (solus):There!—’tis to be a lock canal. Now letThe dirt fly.[Enter Shonts.]SHONTS:Very well, sir, don’t you fret;It will, right speedily, I’m sure. But I—I’m getting out of this concern. I fly![Exit Shonts.]PRESIDENT:Now let the heathen rage: their pet sea-levelCanal has gone a-glimmering to the devil.[Enter Loeb with a card.]What’s this? “The Adversary.” Just my luck—Without a rake I get all kinds of muck.Always that Democrat appears if IBut mention him—I really wonder why.Of one too many he’s the one. Go say(sighing)That I’ll not see him—I’ve seen Shonts to-day.LOEB:The gentleman is in the waiting room.I think he wants to talk about your “boom.”PRESIDENT:Wants an appointment in my Cabinet,And there’s no vacancy.LOEB:O you forget—There’s Hitchcock.[Enter Adversary.]PRESIDENT:Ah, good morning, sir. Delighted!(aside)The fellow never waits till he’s invited.ADVERSARY:Sir, we have overlooked the unwritten lawForbidding a third term. You must withdraw.PRESIDENT (aside):Come to torment me! How this horrid shape,Grinning behind his hand like any ape,Maddens to candor. (Aloud) Brute! you might delayYour triumph until I have had my dayAnd nations weep, in slow procession walking——ADVERSARY:For him who dug the great canal by talking!’Twere long to wait unless your tongue were madeBy miracle divine into a spade.PRESIDENT:Take that, you beast![Beats him and chases him off the stage, losing his temper in the scuffle.]LOEB (solus):The rogues fall out—sic semper.As honest man, I will annex his temper.[Puts President’s temper under his coat and exit.]
PRESIDENT (solus):
There!—’tis to be a lock canal. Now letThe dirt fly.[Enter Shonts.]
There!—’tis to be a lock canal. Now let
The dirt fly.
[Enter Shonts.]
SHONTS:
Very well, sir, don’t you fret;It will, right speedily, I’m sure. But I—I’m getting out of this concern. I fly![Exit Shonts.]
Very well, sir, don’t you fret;
It will, right speedily, I’m sure. But I—
I’m getting out of this concern. I fly!
[Exit Shonts.]
PRESIDENT:
Now let the heathen rage: their pet sea-levelCanal has gone a-glimmering to the devil.[Enter Loeb with a card.]What’s this? “The Adversary.” Just my luck—Without a rake I get all kinds of muck.Always that Democrat appears if IBut mention him—I really wonder why.Of one too many he’s the one. Go say(sighing)That I’ll not see him—I’ve seen Shonts to-day.
Now let the heathen rage: their pet sea-level
Canal has gone a-glimmering to the devil.
[Enter Loeb with a card.]
What’s this? “The Adversary.” Just my luck—
Without a rake I get all kinds of muck.
Always that Democrat appears if I
But mention him—I really wonder why.
Of one too many he’s the one. Go say
(sighing)
That I’ll not see him—I’ve seen Shonts to-day.
LOEB:
The gentleman is in the waiting room.I think he wants to talk about your “boom.”
The gentleman is in the waiting room.
I think he wants to talk about your “boom.”
PRESIDENT:
Wants an appointment in my Cabinet,And there’s no vacancy.
Wants an appointment in my Cabinet,
And there’s no vacancy.
LOEB:
O you forget—There’s Hitchcock.[Enter Adversary.]
O you forget—
There’s Hitchcock.
[Enter Adversary.]
PRESIDENT:
Ah, good morning, sir. Delighted!(aside)The fellow never waits till he’s invited.
Ah, good morning, sir. Delighted!
(aside)
The fellow never waits till he’s invited.
ADVERSARY:
Sir, we have overlooked the unwritten lawForbidding a third term. You must withdraw.
Sir, we have overlooked the unwritten law
Forbidding a third term. You must withdraw.
PRESIDENT (aside):
Come to torment me! How this horrid shape,Grinning behind his hand like any ape,Maddens to candor. (Aloud) Brute! you might delayYour triumph until I have had my dayAnd nations weep, in slow procession walking——
Come to torment me! How this horrid shape,
Grinning behind his hand like any ape,
Maddens to candor. (Aloud) Brute! you might delay
Your triumph until I have had my day
And nations weep, in slow procession walking——
ADVERSARY:
For him who dug the great canal by talking!’Twere long to wait unless your tongue were madeBy miracle divine into a spade.
For him who dug the great canal by talking!
’Twere long to wait unless your tongue were made
By miracle divine into a spade.
PRESIDENT:
Take that, you beast![Beats him and chases him off the stage, losing his temper in the scuffle.]
Take that, you beast!
[Beats him and chases him off the stage, losing his temper in the scuffle.]
LOEB (solus):
The rogues fall out—sic semper.As honest man, I will annex his temper.[Puts President’s temper under his coat and exit.]
The rogues fall out—sic semper.
As honest man, I will annex his temper.
[Puts President’s temper under his coat and exit.]
THE PRESS (solum):The President “received” last night—all smiles,Charming the throng with amiable wiles.But Loeb, with flaming eyes and flying feet,Sprang in and kicked them all into the street!
THE PRESS (solum):The President “received” last night—all smiles,Charming the throng with amiable wiles.But Loeb, with flaming eyes and flying feet,Sprang in and kicked them all into the street!
THE PRESS (solum):
The President “received” last night—all smiles,Charming the throng with amiable wiles.But Loeb, with flaming eyes and flying feet,Sprang in and kicked them all into the street!
The President “received” last night—all smiles,
Charming the throng with amiable wiles.
But Loeb, with flaming eyes and flying feet,
Sprang in and kicked them all into the street!