THE GOFURIOUS
THE GOFURIOUS is the monarck of the mountains, and Uncle Ned he says its roar is like ocean on a western beach. The go rises with the lark, and when he shakes hisself the stars shoots madly from their spheres! But the rhi nosey rose looks up from his dinner and says: “Nothin doin.”
One day a rhi met a go and the go it said: “If I had such a potuberence on my nose like that Ide wear a vail.”
The rhi he thought a while and then he said, the rhi did: “Some folks has horns on their noses and some others is gum dasted iddiots, its all a matter of taste. I know I aint beautifle for to look at, but this sticker of mine is mighty handy for to search the innards of the sick, and I guess you aint a feelin very well this mornin, are you?”
Then the go it moved away and sed it thought maybe it better take a pill.
The gofurious is a natif of the equator, which it devastates from pole to pole! Its food is niggers, and it is the joy of its sweet young life to stainit plumadge with their gore! The she one is called a scow, but the little feller is a slob. The old he one has got three horns, one on its neck, and one on its back, and a little sharp one on its tail, and when it is poked it whacks this one in to the poke feller, which turns purple and swells up like he was a baloon and xplodes with a loud report.
Sheeps is carnivories, and the tagger it is a mollusk, but the go has got a white belly and only but just one leg, which is like a blasted pine and defies the storm! Its lonely foot is like the talent of a eagle, and when it skowers the desert so much dust is threw up that the natif niggers cant see which way to run, so the go catches them and they perish in their pride. When the go sees a hi potamus it gnashes its teeths once, twice, thrice, and raises a protestin voice. The hi he says he guesses he knows his own business and aint a goin to knock off bein a hi potamus for any snouty galoot which roams the plain. But the go envelps him in a cloud of dust and clasps him to its bosum, and when the weather clears up the hi is no more! Then the go it utters a long mournful wail, much as to say: “Alas, am I doomed never to know the pleashures of a peaceful life?Why am I cursed with a unsociable disposition?”
When my sisters young man had read about the go, and the hi, and evrything, he said: “Johnny, I wonder, O, I wonder how did them facts become known to you. Can it be possible that you inherit them from your gifted uncle?”
I said, “Yes, I did.” Then he said: “Well, well, well, who would have thought it? This is the worst case of trance mission which I have ever knew about. Yes, indeed, it beats the ever lastin Dutch!”
Some folkes bears false witness, but Uncle Ned he knows every thing which is in the world, and he is increddible.