PART VI.
George being one night in company with some English noblemen in presence of the king, they began to demonstrate such a fine place as England was, both for beautiful buildings and fruitful fields: one gentleman said, he knew a place in England, though they should crop the grass even with the ground at night, and lay down a crown on it before a hundred witnesses, against to-morrow you would not know where to find it. That may seem very strange to some, says George, but it is no mystery to me, knowing, there would be enough of them who saw the crown-piece laid down, ready for to come and take it up before tomorrow. But, says George, I know a place in the west of Scotland, where, if you’ll tether a horse at night, against the next morning you will not see him. What a pox will take him away? says the Englishman. Only such people, says George, as will take away your crown-piece. O! says the English nobleman, you know what I mean. Then, says George, you talk much of towns you have in England, I know three towns in poor Scotland, for properties you have none such. Pray, says the gentleman, what are these properties? Why, says George, I know one town where there is a hundred bone bridges in it; another town where there are fifty draw-bridges in it; another town where, tho’ a man commits murder, treason, or owes never so much money, he runs to that town, and gets in below a stair, no laws nor justice can harm him. The nobleman offered immediately to stake a hundred pounds, that there was no such towns in Europe, besides in Scotland. They desired George to tell but the names of those towns, for they would find him out, and know whether lie was a liar or not. So he told their names, and two men were sent toScotland to see them: the first was Duddingstone, near Edinburgh, where they came and asked for the bone bridges there; and the people shewed them steps almost between every door, of the sculls of sheeps-heads, which they used as stepping-stones. The second was a little country village between Stirling and Perth, called Auchterardoch,[206]where there is a large strand which runs through the middle of the town, and almost at every door there is a long stock or stone laid over the strand, whereupon they pass to their opposite neighbours, and when a flood came, they would lift their wooden bridges, in case they should be taken away, and these they called their draw-bridges. The third was a village called Cambusbarron, which they pass through from one end to the other, but there was not a stair in it all; so they returned to England, and told what manner of bone and draw-bridges they were: and how there was not a stair in all that place, therefore no man could run in below it.
As George was on the road travelling to London, the weather being very rainy and cold, he alighted at an inn to refresh and warm himself; but the fire-side was so surrounded with people, he could scarce see the fire: George finding this to be the case calls to the hostler, and orders to give his horse at the door half a peck of oysters: You mean oats, Sir: No, no, says George, it is oysters; and base is that horse, that will not eat oysters. The people at the fire hearing this, all started up and ran to the door to see the horse eating oysters: the moment they left their seats, George took an opportunity to plant himself before the fire, with a table and a cloth beside him. In a little they came back again, one by one, saying, This horse will eat no oysters: Well, well, says George, he is either too full, or too saucy; so you may bring them in, and I will eat them myself.[207]
Now George being old, and highly advanced in years; finding his natural strength and state of health daily decaying, he petitioned king James to let him return to Scotland, forto visit his friends, and land of his nativity; which he most willingly granted, (not knowing his design was never to return) for George had a great desire to resign his soul and breath in that place of the world, where he received them; and that his body and bones might be laid among his ancestors, which was counted a great honour in former ages.
So accordingly George came to the parish of Buchanan, in the west of Scotland, where he visited all his friends and relations before his death, during which time the king sent several messages to him to return in all the haste he could; but he absolutely refused, telling him, that he would never see him again: which grieved the king very much to hear him express himself in that manner. After this, the king sent him a letter, threatening him very sharply, if he did not appear in London in the space of twenty days, he would send his lyon heralds with a party, who would bring him to London, whether he would or not. Unto which, as an answer, George sent him a famous letter of admonition, both anent the government of his kingdoms, and the well being of his soul, which caused the king to weep very bitterly, when he read it over, with the following verse:
My honour’d liege, and sovereign king,Of your boasting great, I dread nothing:On your feud or favour I’ll fairly venture:E’er that day I’ll be where few kings will enter.
My honour’d liege, and sovereign king,Of your boasting great, I dread nothing:On your feud or favour I’ll fairly venture:E’er that day I’ll be where few kings will enter.
My honour’d liege, and sovereign king,
Of your boasting great, I dread nothing:
On your feud or favour I’ll fairly venture:
E’er that day I’ll be where few kings will enter.
Finis.