Lau.Mark the Course, let this be the Starting-place, and yonder Oak the Goal.
Vi.I wishÆneaswas here, that he might propose what should be the Conqueror's Prize.
Lau.Glory is a Reward sufficient for Victory.
Vi.You should rather give a Reward to him that is beat, to comfort him.
Lau.Then let the Victor's Reward be to go into the Town crowned with a Bur.
Vi.Well, 'tis done, provided you'll go before playing upon a Pipe.
Lau.It is very hot.
Vi.That is not strange when it is Midsummer.
Lau.Swimming is better.
Vi.I don't love to live like a Frog, I am a Land Animal, not an amphibious one.
Lau.But in old Time this was look'd upon to be one of the most noble Exercises.
Vi.Nay, and a very useful one too.
Lau.For What?
Vi.If Men are forc'd to fly in Battel, they are in the best Condition that can run and swim best.
Lau.The Art you speak of is not to be set light by; it is as Praise-worthy sometimes to run away nimbly as it is to fight stoutly.
Vi.I can't swim at all, and it is dangerous to converse with an unaccustomed Element.
Lau.You ought to learn then, for no Body was born an Artist.
Vi.But I have heard of a great many of these Artists that have swum in, but never swam out again.
Lau.First try with Corks.
Vi.I can't trust more to a Cork than to my Feet; if you have a Mind to swim, I had rather be a Spectator than an Actor.
The CHILD'S PIETY.
The ARGUMENT.
This Discourse furnishes a childish Mind with pious Instructions of Religion, in what it consists. What is to be done in the Morning in Bed, at getting up, at Home, at School, before Meat, after Meat, before going to Sleep. Of beginning the Day, of praying, of behaving themselves studiously at School, Thriftiness of Time: Age flies. What is to be done after Supper. How we ought to sleep. Of Behaviour at holy Worship. All Things to be applied to ourselves. The Meditation of a pious Soul at Church. What Preachers are chiefly to be heard. Fasting is prejudicial to Children. Confession is to be made to Christ. The Society of wicked Persons is to be avoided. Of the prudent chusing a Way of Living. Holy Orders and Matrimony are not to be entred into before the Age of Twenty-two. What Poets are fit to be read, and how.
ERASMUS.Whence came you from? Out of some Alehouse?
Ga.No, indeed.
Er.What from a Bowling Green?
Ga.No, nor from thence neither.
Er.What from the Tavern then?
Ga.No.
Er.Well, since I can't guess, tell me.
Ga.From St.Mary'sChurch.
Er.What Business had you there?
Ga.I saluted some Persons.
Er.Who?
Ga.Christ, and some of the Saints.
Er.You have more Religion than is common to one of your Age.
Ga.Religion is becoming to every Age.
Er.If I had a Mind to be religious, I'd become a Monk.
Ga.And so would I too, if a Monk's Hood carried in it as much Piety as it does Warmth.
Er.There is an old Saying, a young Saint and an old Devil.
Ga.But I believe that old Saying came from old Satan: I can hardly think an old Man to be truly religious, that has not been so in his young Days. Nothing is learn'd to greater Advantage, than what we learn in our youngest Years.
Er.What is that which is call'd Religion?
Ga.It is the pure Worship of God, and Observation of his Commandments.
Er.What are they?
Ga.It is too long to relate all; but I'll tell you in short, it consists in four Things.
Er.What are they?
Ga.In the first Place, that we have a true and pious Apprehension of God himself, and the Holy Scriptures; and that we not only stand in Awe of him as a Lord, but that we love him with all our Heart, as a most beneficent Father. 2. That we take the greatest Care to keep ourselves blameless; that is, that we do no Injury to any one. 3. That we exercise Charity,i.e.to deserve well of all Persons (as much as in us lyes). 4. That we practise Patience,i.e.to bear patiently Injuries that are offered us, when we can't prevent them, not revenging them, nor requiting Evil for Evil.
Er.You hold forth finely; but do you practise what you teach?
Ga.I endeavour it manfully.
Er.How can you do it like a Man, when you are but a Boy?
Ga.I meditate according to my Ability, and call myself to an Account every Day; and correct myself for what I have done amiss: That was unhandsomely done this saucily said, this was uncautiously acted; in that it were better to have held my Peace, that was neglected.
Er.When do you come to this Reckoning?
Ga.Most commonly at Night; or at any Time that I am most at Leisure.
Er.But tell me, in what Studies do you spend the Day?
Ga.I will hide nothing from so intimate a Companion: In the Morning, as soon as I am awake, (and that is commonly about six a Clock, or sometimes at five) I sign myself with my Finger in the Forehead and Breast with the Sign of the Cross.
Er.What then?
Ga.I begin the Day in the Name of the Father, Son, and holy Spirit.
Er.Indeed that is very piously done.
Ga.By and by I put up a short Ejaculation to Christ.
Er.What dost thou say to him?
Ga.I give him Thanks that he has been pleased to bless me that Night; and I pray him that he would in like Manner prosper me the whole of that Day, so as may be for his Glory, and my Soul's Good; and that he who is the true Light that never sets, the eternal Sun, that enlivens, nourishes and exhilarates all Things, would vouchsafe to enlighten my Soul, that I mayn't fall into Sin; but by his Guidance, may attain everlasting Life.
Er.A very good Beginning of the Day indeed.
Ga.And then having bid my Parents good Morrow, to whom next to God, I owe the greatest Reverence, when it is Time I go to School; but so that I may pass by some Church, if I can conveniently.
Er.What do you do there?
Ga.I salute Jesus again in three Words, and all the Saints, either Men or Women; but the VirginMaryby Name, and especially that I account most peculiarly my own.
Er.Indeed you seem to have read that Sentence ofCato, Saluta libenter, to good Purpose; was it not enough to have saluted Christ in the Morning, without saluting him again presently? Are you not afraid lest you should be troublesome by your over Officiousness?
Ga.Christ loves to be often called upon.
Er.But it seems to be ridiculous to speak to one you don't see.
Ga.No more do I see that Part of me that speaks to him.
Er.What Part is that?
Ga.My Mind.
Er.But it seems to be Labour lost, to salute one that does not salute you again.
Ga.He frequently salutes again by his secret Inspiration; and he answers sufficiently that gives what is ask'd of him.
Er.What is it you ask of him? For I perceive your Salutations are petitionary, like those of Beggars.
Ga.Indeed you are very right; for I pray that he, who, when he was aBoy of about twelve Years of Age, sitting in the Temple, taught theDoctors themselves, and to whom the heavenly Father, by a Voice fromHeaven, gave Authority to teach Mankind, saying,This is my belovedSon, in whom I am well pleased, hear ye him; and who is the eternalWisdom of the most high Father, would vouchsafe to enlighten myUnderstanding, to receive wholesome Learning, that I may use it to hisGlory.
Er.Who are those Saints that you call peculiarly yours?
Ga.Of the Apostles, St.Paul; of the Martyrs, St.Cyprian; of the Doctors, St.Jerome; of the Virgins, St.Agnes.
Er.How came these to be yours, more than the rest. Was it by Choice or by Chance?
Ga.They fell to me by Lot.
Er.But you only salute them I suppose; do you beg any Thing of them?
Ga.I pray, that by their Suffrages they would recommend me to Christ, and procure that by his Assistance it may in Time come to pass that I be made one of their Company.
Er.Indeed what you ask for is no ordinary Thing: But what do you do then?
Ga.I go to School, and do what is to be done there with my utmost Endeavour; I so implore Christ's Assistance, as if my Study without it would signify nothing; and I study as if he offered no Help but to him that labours industriously; and I do my utmost not to deserve to be beaten, nor to offend my Master either in Word or Deed, nor any of my Companions.
Er.You are a good Boy to mind these Things.
Ga.When School is done I make haste Home, and if I can I take a Church in my Way, and in three Words, I salute Jesus again; and I pay my Respects to my Parents; and if I have any Time, I repeat, either by myself, or with one of my School-fellows, what was dictated in School.
Er.Indeed you are a very good Husband of Time.
Ga.No wonder I am of that, which is the most precious Thing in the World, and when past is irrecoverable.
Er.AndHesiodteaches, that good Husbandry ought to be in the Middle, it is too soon in the Beginning, and too late in the End.
Ga.Hesiodspoke right enough concerning Wine, but of Time no good Husbandry is unseasonable. If you let a Hogshead of Wine alone it won't empty itself; but Time is always a flying, sleeping or waking.
Er.I confess so, but what do you do after that?
Ga.When my Parents sit down to Dinner I say Grace, and then wait at Table till I am bid to take my own Dinner; and having returned Thanks, if I have any Time left I divert myself with my Companions with some lawful Recreation till the Time comes to go to School again.
Er.Do you salute Jesus again?
Ga.Yes, if I have an Opportunity; but if it so happen that I have not an Opportunity, or it be not seasonable, as I pass by the Church I salute him mentally; and then I do what is to be done at School with all my Might; and when I go Home again I do what I did before Dinner: After Supper I divert myself with some pleasant Stories; and afterwards bidding my Parents and the Family good Night, I go to Bed betimes, and there kneeling down by the Bedside, as I have said, I say over those Things I have been learning that Day at School; if I have committed any great Fault, I implore Christ's Clemency, that he would pardon me, and I promise Amendment: and if I have committed no Fault, I thank him for his Goodness in preserving me from all Vice, and then I recommend myself to him with all my Soul, that he would preserve me from the Attempts of my evil Genius and filthy Dreams. When this is done, and I am got into Bed, I cross my Forehead and Breast, and compose myself to Rest.
Er.In what Posture do you compose yourself?
Ga.I don't lye upon my Face or my Back, but first leaning upon my Right-Side, I fold my Arms a-cross, so that they may defend my Breast, as it were with the Figure of a Cross, with my Right-hand upon my Left Shoulder, and my Left upon my Right, and so I sleep sweetly, either till I awake of myself, or am called up.
Er.You are a little Saint that can do thus.
Ga.You are a little Fool for saying so.
Er.I praise your Method, and I would I could practise it.
Ga.Give your Mind to it and you will do it, for when once you have accustom'd yourself to it for a few Months, these Things will be pleasant, and become natural.
Er.But I want to hear concerning divine Service.
Ga.I don't neglect that, especially upon holy Days.
Er.How do you manage yourself on holy Days?
Ga.In the first place I examine myself if my Mind be Polluted by any Stain of Sin.
Er.And if you find it is, what do you do then? Do you refrain from the Altar?
Ga.Not by my bodily Presence, but I withdraw myself, as to my Mind, and standing as it were afar off, as tho' not daring to lift up my Eyes to God the Father, whom I have offended, I strike upon my Breast, crying out with the Publican in the Gospel,Lord, be merciful to me a Sinner. And then if I know I have offended any Man, I take Care to make him Satisfaction if I can presently; but if I cannot do that, I resolve in my Mind to reconcile my Neighbour as soon as possible. If any Body has offended me, I forbear Revenge, and endeavour to bring it about, that he that has offended me may be made sensible of his Fault, and be sorry for it; but if there be no Hope of that, I leave all Vengeance to God.
Er.That's a hard Task.
Ga.Is it hard to forgive a small Offence to your Brother, whose mutual Forgiveness thou wilt stand in frequent need of, when Christ has at once forgiven us all our Offences, and is every Day forgiving us? Nay, this seems to me not to be Liberality to our Neighbour, but putting to Interest to God; just as tho' one Fellow-Servant should agree with another to forgive him three Groats, that his Lord might forgive him ten Talents.
Er.You indeed argue very rationally, if what you say be true.
Ga.Can you desire any Thing truer than the Gospel?
Er.That is unreasonable; but there are some who can't believe themselves to be Christians unless they hear Mass (as they call it) every Day.
Ga.Indeed I don't condemn the Practise in those that have Time enough, and spend whole Days in profane Exercises; but I only disapprove of those who superstitiously fancy that that Day must needs be unfortunate to them that they have not begun with the Mass; and presently after divine Service is over they go either to Trading, Gaming, or the Court, where whatsoever succeeds, though done justly or unjustly, they attribute to the Mass.
Er.Are there any Persons that are so absurd?
Ga.The greatest part of Mankind.
Er.But return to divine Service.
Ga.If I can, I get to stand so close by the Holy Altar, that I can hear what the Priest reads, especially the Epistle and the Gospel; from these I endeavour to pick something, which I fix in my Mind, and this I ruminate upon for some Time.
Er.Don't you pray at all in the mean Time?
Ga.I do pray, but rather mentally than vocally. From the Things the Priest reads I take occasion of Prayer.
Er.Explain that a little more, I don't well take in what you mean.
Ga.I'll tell you; suppose this Epistle was read,Purge out the old Leaven, that ye may be a new Lump, as ye are unleavened. On occasion of these Words I thus address myself to Christ, "I wish I were the unleavened Bread, pure from all Leaven of Malice; but do thou, O Lord Jesus, who alone art pure, and free from all Malice, grant that I may every Day more and more purge out the old Leaven." Again, if the Gospel chance to be read concerning the Sower sowing his Seed, I thus pray with my self, "Happy is he that deserves to be that good Ground, and I pray that of barren Ground, he of his great Goodness would make me good Ground, without whose Blessing nothing at all is good." These for Example Sake, for it would be tedious to mention every Thing. But if I happen to meet with a dumb Priest, (such as there are many inGermany) or that I can't get near the Altar, I commonly get a little Book that has the Gospel of that Day and Epistle, and this I either say out aloud, or run it over with my Eye.
Er.I understand; but with what Contemplations chiefly dost thou pass away the Time?
Ga.I give Thanks to Jesus Christ for his unspeakable Love, in condescending to redeem Mankind by his Death; I pray that he would not suffer his most holy Blood to be shed in vain for me, but that with his Body he would always feed my Soul, and that with his Blood he would quicken my Spirit, that growing by little and little in the Increase of Graces, I may be made a fit Member of his mystical Body, which is the Church; nor may ever fall from that holy Covenant that he made with his elect Disciples at the last Supper, when he distributed the Bread, and gave the Cup; and through these, with all who are engraffed into his Society by Baptism. And if I find my Thoughts to wander, I read some Psalms, or some pious Matter, that may keep my Mind from wandring.
Er.Have you any particular Psalms for this Purpose?
Ga.I have; but I have not so tyed myself up to them, but that I can omit them, if any Meditation comes into my Mind that is more refreshing, than the Recitation of those Psalms.
Er.What do you do as to Fasting?
Ga.I have nothing to do with Fasting, for soJeromehas taught me; that Health is not to be impair'd by fasting, until the Body is arrived at its full Strength. I am not quite 17 Years old; but yet if I find Occasion, I dine and sup sparingly, that I may be more lively for Spiritual Exercises on holy Days.
Er.Since I have begun, I will go through with my Enquiries. How do you find yourself affected towards Sermons?
Ga.Very well, I go to them as devoutly as if I was a going to a holy Assembly; and yet I pick and chuse whom to hear, for there are some, one had better not hear than hear; and if such an one happens to preach, or if it happen that no Body preaches, I pass this Time in reading the Scriptures, I read the Gospel or Epistle withChrysostom'sorJerome'sInterpretation, or any other pious and learned Interpreter that I meet with.
Er.But Word of Mouth is more affecting.
Ga.I confess it is. I had rather hear if I can but meet with a tolerable Preacher; but I don't seem to be wholly destitute of a Sermon if I hearChrysostomorJeromespeaking by their Writings.
Er.I am of your Mind; but how do you stand affected as to Confession?
Ga.Very well; for I confess daily.
Er.Every Day?
Ga.Yes.
Er.Then you ought to keep a Priest to yourself.
Ga.But I confess to him who only truly remits Sins, to whom all the Power is given.
Er.To whom?
Ga.To Christ.
Er.And do you think that's sufficient?
Ga.It would be enough for me, if it were enough for the Rulers of the Church, and receiv'd Custom.
Er.Who do you call the Rulers of the Church?
Ga.The Popes, Bishops and Apostles.
Er.And do you put Christ into this Number?
Ga.He is without Controversy the chief Head of e'm all.
Er.And was he the Author of this Confession in use?
Ga.He is indeed the Author of all good; but whether he appointed Confession as it is now us'd in the Church, I leave to be disputed by Divines. The Authority of my Betters is enough for me that am but a Lad and a private Person. This is certainly the principal Confession; nor is it an easy Matter to confess to Christ; no Body confesses to him, but he that is angry with his Sin. If I have committed any great Offence, I lay it open, and bewail it to him, and implore his Mercy; I cry out, weep and lament, nor do I give over before I feel the Love of Sin throughly purged from the Bottom of my Heart, and some Tranquility and Chearfulness of Mind follow upon it, which is an Argument of the Sin being pardoned. And when the Time requires to go to the holy Communion of the Body and Blood of Christ; then I make Confession to a Priest too, but in few Words, and nothing but what I am well satisfy'd are Faults, or such that carry in them a very great Suspicion that they are such; neither do I always take it to be a capital or enormous Crime, every Thing that is done contrary to human Constitutions, unless a wicked Contemptuousness shall go along with it: Nay, I scarce believe any Crime to be Capital, that has not Malice join'd with it, that is, a perverse Will.
Er.I commend you, that you are so religious, and yet not superstitious: Here I think the old Proverb takes place:Nec omnia, nec passim, nec quibuslibet, That a Person should neither speak all, nor every where, nor to all Persons.
Ga.I chuse me a Priest, that I can trust with the Secrets of my Heart.
Er.That's wisely done: For there are a great many, as is found by Experience, do blab out what in Confessions is discovered to them. And there are some vile impudent Fellows that enquire of the Person confessing, those Things, that it were better if they were conceal'd; and there are some unlearned and foolish Fellows, who for the Sake of filthy Gain, lend their Ear, but apply not their Mind, who can't distinguish between a Fault and a good Deed, nor can neither teach, comfort nor advise. These Things I have heard from many, and in Part have experienced my self.
Ga.And I too much; therefore I chuse me one that is learn'd, grave, of approv'd Integrity, and one that keeps his Tongue within his Teeth.
Er.Truly you are happy that can make a Judgment of Things so early.
Ga.But above all, I take Care of doing any Thing that I can't safely trust a Priest with.
Er.That's the best Thing in the World, if you can but do so.
Ga.Indeed it is hard to us of ourselves, but by the Help of Christ it is easy; the greatest Matter is, that there be a Will to it. I often renew my Resolution, especially upon Sundays: And besides that, I endeavour as much as I can to keep out of evil Company, and associate myself with good Company, by whose Conversation I may be better'd.
Er.Indeed you manage yourself rightly: Forevil Conversations corrupt good Manners.
Ga.I shun Idleness as the Plague.
Er.You are very right, for Idleness is the Root of all Evil; but as the World goes now, he must live by himself that would keep out of bad Company.
Ga.What you say is very true, for as theGreekwise Men said the bad are the greatest Number. But I chuse the best out of a few, and sometimes a good Companion makes his Companion better. I avoid those Diversions that incite to Naughtiness, and use those that are innocent. I behave myself courteous to all; but familiarly with none but those that are good. If I happen at any Time to fall into bad Company, I either correct them by a soft Admonition, or wink at and bear with them, if I can do them no good; but I be sure to get out of their Company as soon as I can.
Er.Had you never an itching Mind to become a Monk?
Ga.Never; but I have been often solicited to it by some, that call you into a Monastery, as into a Port from a Shipwreck.
Er.Say you so? Were they in Hopes of a Prey?
Ga.They set upon both me and my Parents with a great many crafty Persuasions; but I have taken a Resolution not to give my Mind either to Matrimony or Priesthood, nor to be a Monk, nor to any Kind of Life out of which I can't extricate myself, before I know myself very well.
Er.When will that be?
Ga.Perhaps never. But before the 28th Year of ones Age, nothing should be resolved on.
Er.Why so?
Ga.Because I hear every where, so many Priests, Monks and married Men lamenting that they hurried themselves rashly into Servitude.
Er.You are very cautious not to be catch'd.
Ga.In the mean Time I take a special Care of three Things.
Er.What are they?
Ga.First of all to make a good Progress in Morality, and if I can't do that, I am resolv'd to maintain an unspotted Innocence and good Name; and last of all I furnish myself with Languages and Sciences that will be of Use in any Kind of Life.
Er.But do you neglect the Poets?
Ga.Not wholly, but I read generally the chastest of them, and if I meet with any Thing that is not modest, I pass that by, asUlyssespassed by theSirens, stopping his Ears.
Er.To what Kind of Study do you chiefly addict your self? To Physic, the Common or Civil Law, or to Divinity? For Languages, the Sciences and Philosophy are all conducive to any Profession whatsoever.
Ga.I have not yet thoroughly betaken myself to any one particularly, but I take a Taste of all, that I be not wholly ignorant of any; and the rather, that having tasted of all I may the better chuse that I am fittest for. Medicine is a certain Portion in whatsoever Land a Man is; the Law is the Way to Preferment: But I like Divinity the best, saving that the Manners of some of the Professors of it, and the bitter Contentions that are among them, displease me.
Er.He won't be very apt to fall that goes so warily along. Many in these Days are frighted from Divinity, because they are afraid they should not be found in the Catholick Faith, because they see no Principle of Religion, but what is called in Question.
Ga.I believe firmly what I read in the holy Scriptures, and the Creed, called the Apostles, and I don't trouble my Head any farther: I leave the rest to be disputed and defined by the Clergy, if they please; and if any Thing is in common Use with Christians that is not repugnant to the holy Scriptures, I observe it for this Reason, that I may not offend other People.
Er.WhatThalestaught you that Philosophy?
Ga.When I was a Boy and very young, I happen'd to live in the House with that honestest of Men,John Colet, do you know him?
Er.Know him, ay, as well as I do you.
Ga.He instructed me when I was young in these Precepts.
Er.You won't envy me, I hope, if I endeavour to imitate you?
Ga.Nay, by that Means you will be much dearer to me. For you know, Familiarity and good Will, are closer ty'd by Similitude of Manners.
Er.True, but not among Candidates for the same Office, when they are both sick of the same Disease.
Ga.No, nor between two Sweet-hearts of the same Mistress, when they are both sick of the same Love.
Er.But without jesting, I'll try to imitate that Course of Life.
Ga.I wish you as good Success as may be.
Er.It may be I shall overtake thee.
Ga.I wish you might get before me; but in the mean Time I won't stay for you; but I will every Day endeavour to out-go myself, and do you endeavour to out-go me if you can.
The ART OF HUNTING.
The ARGUMENT.
This Colloquy presents you with the Art of Hunting; Fishing, of bringing Earth-Worms out of the Ground, of sticking Frogs.
Pa. Every one to his Mind.I love Hunting.
Th.And so do I too, but where are the Dogs? The hunting Poles? And the hunting Nets?
Pa.Farewell Boars, Bears, Bucks, and Foxes, we'll lay Snares for Rabbets.
Vi.But I'll set Gins for Locusts and Crickets.
La.But I'll catch Frogs.
Ba.I'll hunt Butterflies.
La.'Tis difficult to follow flying Creatures.
Ba.It is difficult, but 'tis fine Sport; unless you think it finer Sport to hunt after Earth-Worms, Snails or Cockles, because they have no Wings.
La.Indeed I had rather go a Fishing; I have a neat Hook.
Ba.But where will you get Baits?
La.There are Earth-Worms enough every where to be had.
Ba.So there is, if they would but creep out of the Ground to you.
La.But I'll make a great many thousand jump out presently.
Ba.How? By Witch-Craft?
La.You shall see the Art. Fill this Bucket with Water, break these green Peels of Walnuts to Pieces and put into it: Wet the Ground with the Water. Now mind a little, do you see them coming out?
Ba.I see a Miracle. I believe the armed Men started out of the Earth after this Manner from the Serpents Teeth that were sown: But a great many Fish are of too fine and delicate a Palate to be catch'd by such a vulgar Bait.
La.I know a certain Sort of an Insect that I us'd to catch such with.
Ba.See if you can impose upon the Fishes so, I'll make work with the Frogs.
La.How, with a Net?
Ba.No, with a Bow.
La.That's a new Way of Fishing!
Ba.But 'tis a pleasant one; you'll say so, when you see it.
Vi.What if we two should play at holding up our Fingers?
Ba.That's an idle, clownish Play indeed, fitter for them that are sitting in a Chimney Corner, than those that are ranging in the Field.
Vi.What if we should play at Cob-Nut?
Pa.Let us let Nuts alone for little Chits, we are great Boys.
Vi.And yet we are but Boys for all that.
Pa.But they that are fit to play at Cob-Nut, are fit to ride upon a Hobby-Horse.
Vi.Well then, do you say what we shall play at; and I'll play at what you will.
Pa.And I'll be conformable.
The ARGUMENT.
This Colloquy treats of scholastic Studies, and School Plays, I. The Boys going into the School. The striking of a Clock. A whipping Master. Of saying a Lesson. Fear hurts the Memory. 2. Of Writing, the Paper sinks. Of making a Pen. Of a hard Nip. A soft Nip. Of writing quick, well.
Sy.What makes you run so,John?
Jo.What makes a Hare run before the Dogs, as they use to say?
Sy.What Proverb is this?
Jo.Because unless I am there in Time, before the Bill is called over, I am sure to be whipp'd.
Sy.You need not be afraid of that, it is but a little past five: Look upon the Clock, the Hand is not come to the half Hour Point yet.
Jo.Ay, but I can scarce trust to Clocks, they go wrong sometimes.
Sy.But trust me then, I heard the Clock strike.
Jo.What did that strike?
Sy.Five.
Jo.But there is something else that I am more afraid of than that, I must say by Heart a good long Lesson for Yesterday, and I am afraid I can't say it.
Sy.I am in the same Case with you; for I myself have hardly got mine as it should be.
Jo.And you know the Master's Severity. Every Fault is a Capital one with him: He has no more Mercy of our Breeches, than if they were made of a Bull's Hide.
Sy.But he won't be in the School.
Jo.Who has he appointed in his Place?
Sy. Cornelius.
Jo.That squint-ey'd Fellow! Wo to our Back-Sides, he's a greater Whip-Master thanBusbyhimself.
Sy.You say very true, and for that Reason I have often wish'd he had a Palsy in his Arm.
Jo.It is not pious to wish ill to ones Master: it is our Business rather to take Care not to fall under the Tyrant's Hands.
Sy.Let us say one to another, one repeating and the other looking in the Book.
Jo.That's well thought on.
Sy.Come, be of good Heart; for Fear spoils the Memory.
Jo.I could easily lay aside Fear, if I were out of Danger; but who can be at Ease in his Mind, that is in so much Danger.
Sy.I confess so; but we are not in Danger of our Heads, but of our Tails.
* * * * *
2.Of Writing.
Co.You write finely, but your Paper sinks. Your Paper is damp, and the Ink sinks through it.
An.Pray make me a Pen of this.
Co.I have not a Pen-knife.
An.Here is one for you.
Co.Out on't, how blunt it is!
An.Take the Hoan.
Co.Do you love to write with a hard-nip'd Pen, or a soft?
An.Make it fit for your own Hand.
Co.I use to write with a soft Nip.
An.Pray write me out the Alphabet.
Co.Greek or Latin?
An.Write me the Latin first; I'll try to imitate it.
Co.Give me some Paper then.
An.Take some.
Co.But my Ink is too thin, by often pouring in of Water.
An.But my Cotton is quite dry.
Co.Squeeze it, or else piss in it.
An.I had rather get some Body to give me some.
Co.It is better to have of one's own, than to borrow.
An.What's a Scholar without Pen and Ink?
Co.The same that a Soldier is without Shield or Sword.
An.I wish my Fingers were so nimble, I can't write as fast as another speaks.
Co.Let it be your first chief Care to write well, and your next to write quick: No more Haste than good Speed.
An.Very well; say to the Master when he dictates, no more Haste than good Speed.
* * * * *
_A Form of giving Thanks.
Pe.You have oblig'd me, in that you have written to me sometimes. I thank you for writing to me often. I love you, that you have not thought much to send me now and then a Letter. I give you Thanks that you have visited me with frequent Letters. I thank you for loading of me with Packets of Letters. I thank you heartily that you have now and then provoked me with Letters. You have oblig'd me very much that you have honour'd me with your Letters. I am much beholden to you for your most obliging Letters to me. I take it as a great Favour, that you have not thought much to write to me.
The Answer.
Ch.Indeed I ought to beg Pardon for my Presumption, who dar'd presume to trouble a Man of so much Business, and so much Learning with my unlearned Letters. I acknowledge your usual Humanity, who have taken my Boldness in good Part. I was afraid my Letters had given you some Offence, that you sent me no Answer. There is no Reason that you should thank me, it is more than enough for me, if you have taken my Industry in good Part.
* * * * *
A Form of asking after News.
Pe.Is there no News come from our Country? Have you had any News from our Countrymen? What News? Do you bring any News? Is there any News come to Town? Is there any News abroad from our Country?
The Answer.
Ch.There is much News; but nothing of Truth. News enough indeed; but nothing certain. A great deal of News; but nothing to be depended upon. Not a little News; but not much Truth. There is no News come. I have had no News at all. Something of News; but nothing certain. There are a great many Reports come to Town; but they are all doubtful. There is a great deal of Talk; but nothing true, nothing certain. If Lies please, I have brought you a whole Cart-Load of them. I bring you whole Bushels of Tales. I bring you as many Lies as a good Ship will carry.
Pe.Then unlade yourself as fast as you can, for fear you should sink, being so over-freighted.
Ch.I have nothing but what's the Chat of Barbers Shops, Coaches and Boats.
Han't you received any Letters. The Form.
Pe.Have you had no Letters? Have you had any Letters out of your own Country? Have no Letters been brought to you? Have you receiv'd any Letters? Have you had any Letters? Have you receiv'd any Letters from your Friends? Are there no Letters come fromFrance?
The Answer.
Ch.I have received no Letters. I han't had so much as a Letter. I han't had the least Bit of a Letter. No Body has sent me any Letter. There is not the least Word come from any Body. I have received no more Letters for this long Time, than what you see in my Eye. Indeed I had rather have Money than Letters. I had rather receive Money than Letters. I don't matter Letters, so the Money does but come. I had rather be paid, than be written to.
* * * * *
I believe so. The Form.
Pe.I easily believe you. That is not hard to be believ'd. It is a very easy Thing to believe that. Who would not believe you in that? He will be very incredulous, that won't believe you in that Matter. In Truth I do believe you. You will easily make me believe that. I can believe you without swearing. What you say is very likely. But for all that, Letters bring some Comfort. I had rather have either of them, than neither.
* * * * *
Of Profit. A Form.
Ch.What signifies Letters without Money? What signifies empty Letters? What do empty Letters avail? What good do they do, what do they profit, advantage? To whom are Letters grateful or acceptable without Money? What Advantage do empty Letters bring? What are idle Letters good for? What do they do? What use are they of? What are they good for? What do they bring with them of Moment? What Use are empty Letters of?
The Answer.
Pe.They are useful, fit, proper, to wipe your Breech with. They are good to wipe your Backside with. If you don't know the Use of them, they are good to wipe your Arse with. To wipe your Breech with. To wipe your Backside with. They are good to cleanse that Part of the Body that often fouls itself. They are good to wrap Mackrel in. Good to make up Grocery Ware in.
* * * * *
Of wishing well.
1.To a Man whose Wife is with Child.
Pe.What? are our little Friends well? How does your Wife do?
Ch.Very well, I left her with her Mother, and with Child.
Pe.I wish it may be well for you, and her too: To you, because you're shortly to be a Father, and she a Mother. God be with you. I pray and desire that it may be prosperous and happy to you both. I pray, I beg of God that she, having a safe Delivery, may bear a Child worthy of you both; and may make you a Father of a fine Child. I commend you that you have shewed yourself to be a Man. I am glad you have prov'd yourself to be a Man. You have shew'd yourself to be a Gallus, but notCybele's. Now you may go, I believe you are a Man.
Ch.You joke upon me, as you are used to do. Well, go on, you may say what you please to me.
* * * * *
2.To one coming Home into his own Country.
Ch.I hear, you have lately been in your own Country.
Pe.I have so, I had been out of it a pretty While. I could not bear to be out of it long. I could not bear to be out of my Parents Sight any longer. I thought it long till I enjoy'd my Friends Company.
Ch.You have acted very piously. You are very good Humour'd, to think of those Matters. We have all a strange Affection for the Country that hath bred us, and brought us forth.
AsOvidsays:
Nescio quâ natale solum dulcedine cunctos Ducit, et immemores non sinit esse sui.
Pray tell me how did you find all Things there.
* * * * *
All Things new. The Form.
Pe.Nothing but what was new. All Things changed, all Things become new. See how soon Time changes all human Affairs. Methought I came into another World. I had scarce been absent ten Years, and yet I admired at every Thing, as much asEpimenidesthe Prince of Sleepers, when he first wak'd out of his Sleep.
Ch.What Story is that? What Fable is that?
Pe.I'll tell you if you are at Leisure.
Ch.There is nothing more pleasant.
Pe.Then order me a Chair and a Cushion.
Ch.That's very well thought on, for you will tell Lyes the better, sitting at Ease.
Pe.Historians tell us a Story, of oneEpimenidesa Man ofCrete, who taking a Walk alone by himself without the City, being caught in a hasty Shower of Rain, went for Shelter into a Cave, and there fell asleep, and slept on for seven and forty Years together.
I don't believe it. The Form.
Ch.What a Story you tell? 'Tis incredible. What you say is not very likely. You tell me a Fiction. I don't think 'tis true. You tell me a monstrous Story. Are you not asham'd to be guilty of so wicked a Lye? This is a Fable fit to be put amongLucian'sLegends.
Pe.Nay, I tell you what is related by Authors of Credit, unless you thinkAulus Gelliusis not an Author of approv'd Credit.
Ch.Nay, whatsoever he has written are Oracles to me.
Pe.Do you think that a Divine dream'd so many Years? For it is storied that he was a Divine.
Ch.I am with Child to hear.
The Answer.
Pe.What is it more than whatScotusand the School-men did afterwards? ButEpimenides, he came off pretty well, he came to himself again at last; but a great many Divines never wake out of their Dreams.
Ch.Well go on, you do like a Poet; But go on with your Lye.
Pe.Epimenideswaking out of his Sleep, goes out of his Cave, and looks about him, and sees all Things chang'd, the Woods, the Banks, the Rivers, the Trees, the Fields; and, in short, there was nothing but was new: He goes to the City, and enquires; he stays there a little While, but knows no Body, nor did any Body know him: the Men were dress'd after another Fashion, than what they were before; they had not the same Countenances; their Speech was alter'd, and their Manners quite different: Nor do I wonder it was so withEpimenides, after so many Years, when it was almost so with me, when I had been absent but a few Years.
Ch.But how do your Father and Mother do? Are they living?
Pe.They are both alive and well; but pretty much worn out with old Age, Diseases, and lastly, with the Calamities of War.
Ch.This is the Comedy of human Life. This is the inevitable Law of Destiny.
* * * * *
Words, Names of Affinity.
Pe.Will you sup at Home to Day?
Ch.I am to sup abroad: I must go out to Supper.
Pe.With whom?
Ch.With my Father in Law; with my Son in Law; at my Daughter's in Law; with my Kinsman. They are call'd,Affines, Kinsmen, who are ally'd not by Blood, but Marriage.
Pe.What are the usual Names of Affinity?
Ch.A Husband and Wife are noted Names.Socer, Is my Wife's Father.Gener, My Daughter's Husband.Socrus, My Wife's Mother.Nurus, My Son's Wife.Levir, A Husband's Brother.Leviris call'd by the Wife, asHelencallsHector,Levir, because she was married toParis.Fratria, My Brother's Wife.Glos, A Husband's Sister.Vitricus, My Mother's Husband.Noverca, My Father's Wife.Privignus, The Son of my Wife or Husband.Privigna, The Daughter of either of them.Rivalis, He that loves the same Woman another does.Pellex, She that loves the same Man another does; asThrasois the Rival ofPhroedria, andEuropathePellexofJuno.
* * * * *
Of inviting to a Feast.
Dine with me to Morrow.
Pe.I give you Thanks, I commend you, I invite you to Supper against to Morrow, I entreat your Company at Supper to Morrow. I desire you'd come to Dinner with me to Morrow. I would have your Company at Dinner to Morrow.
I fear I can't come.
Ch.I fear I can't. I am afraid I can't. I will come if I can; but I am afraid I can't.
Why?
Pe.Why can't you? How so? Why so? Wherefore? For what Reason? For what Cause? What hinders you that you can't.
I must stay at Home.
Ch.Indeed I must be at Home at that Time. I must needs be at Home at Night. I must not be abroad at that Time. I shall not have an Opportunity to go out any where to Morrow. I must not be absent at Dinner. I expect some Guests myself upon that Day. Some Friends have made an Appointment to sup at our House that Night. I have some Guests to entertain that Night, or else I would come with all my Heart. Unless it were so, I would not be unwilling to come. If it were not so, I should not want much entreating. I would make no Excuse if I could come. If I could come, I would not be ask'd twice. If I could by any Means come, I would come with a very little, or without any Invitation at all. If I could, I would obey your Command very readily. It is in vain to ask one that is not at his own Disposal: And there would be no need to ask me if I could come: But at present, though I had never so much Mind, I can't; and it would be altogether unnecessary to ask one that is willing.
Pe.Then pray let me have your Company the next Day after: However, I must needs have your Company at Supper the next Day after to Morrow. You must not deny me your Company four Days hence. You must make no Excuse as to coming next Thursday.
I can't promise.
Ch.I can't promise. I cannot positively promise you. I can't certainly promise you. I will come when it shall be most convenient for us both.
You ought to set the Day.
Pe.I would have you appoint a Day when you will come to sup with me. You must assign a Day. You must set the Day. I desire a certain Day may be prefix'd, prescrib'd, appointed, set; but set a certain Day. I would have you tell me the Day.
I would not have you know before Hand.
Ch.Indeed I don't use to set a Day for my Friends. I am used to set a Day for those I'm at Law with. I would not have you know before Hand. I'll take you at unawares. I'll come unexpectedly. I will catch you when you don't think on me. I shall take you when you don't think on me. I'll come unlooked for. I'll come upon you before you are aware. I'll come an uninvited and unexpected Guest.
I would know before Hand.
Pe.I would know two Days before Hand. Give me Notice two Days before you come. Make me acquainted two Days before.
Ch.If you will have me, I'll make aSybariticalAppointment, that you may have Time enough to provide afore Hand.
Pe.What Appointment is that?
Ch.TheSybaritesinvited their Guests against the next Year, that they might both have Time to be prepar'd.
Pe.Away with theSybarites, and their troublesome Entertainments: I invite an old Chrony, and not a Courtier.
You desire to your own Detriment.
Ch.Indeed 'tis to your Detriment. Indeed 'tis to your own Harm. To your own Loss. You wish for it. You pray for that to your own Ill-convenience.
Pe.Why so? Wherefore.
Ch.I'll come provided. I'll come prepar'd. I'll set upon you accoutred. I'll come furnish'd with a sharp Stomach; do you take Care that you have enough to satisfy a Vulture. I'll prepare my Belly and whet my Teeth; do you look to it, to get enough to satisfy a Wolf.
Pe.Come and welcome, I dare you to it. Come on, if you can do any Thing, do it to your utmost, with all your Might.
Ch.I'll come, but I won't come alone.
Pe.You shall be the more welcome for that; but who will you bring with you?
Ch.MyUmbra.
Pe.You can't do otherwise if you come in the Day Time.
Ch.Ay, but I'll bring oneUmbraor two that have got Teeth, that you shan't have invited me for nothing.
Pe.Well, do as you will, so you don't bring any Ghosts along with you. But if you please explain what is the Meaning of the WordUmbra.
Ch.Among the Learned they are call'dUmbræ, who being uninvited, bear another Person, that is invited, Company to a Feast.
Pe.Well, bring such Ghosts along with you as many as you will.
* * * * *
I promise upon this Condition.
Ch.Well, I will come, but upon this Condition, that you shall come to Supper with me the next Day. I will do it upon this Condition that you shall be my Guest afterwards. Upon that Condition I promise to come to Supper, that you again shall be my Guest. I promise I will, but upon these Terms, that you in the like Manner shall be my Guest the next Day. I promise I will, I give you my Word I will, upon this Consideration, that you dine with me the next Day.
Pe.Come on, let it be done, let it be so. It shall be as you would have it. If you command me, I'll do it. I know theFrenchAmbition, You won't sup with me, but you'll make me Amends for it. And so by this Means Feasts use to go round. From hence it comes to pass, that it is a long Time before we have done feasting one with another. By this Interchangeableness Feasts become reciprocal without End.
Ch.It is the pleasantest Way of Living in the World, if no more Provision be made, but what is used to be made daily. But, I detain you, it may be, when you are going some whither.
Pe.Nay, I believe, I do you. But we'll talk more largely and more freely to Morrow. But we'll divert ourselves to Morrow more plentifully. In the mean Time take Care of your Health. In the mean Time take Care to keep yourself in good Health. Farewell till then.
* * * * *
Whither are you going? The Form.
Ch.Where are you a going now? Whither are you going so fast? Where are you a going in such great Haste. Whither go you? What's your Way?
* * * * *
I go Home. The Form.
Pe.I go Home. I return Home. I go to see what they are a doing at Home. I go to call a Doctor. I am going into the Country. I made an Appointment just at this Time to go to speak with a certain great Man. I made an Appointment to meet a great Man at this Time.
Ch.Whom?
Pe.TalkativeCurio.
Ch.I wish youMercury's Assistance.
Pe.What need ofMercury's Assistance?
Ch.Because you have to do with a Man of Words.
Pe.Then it were more proper to wish the Assistance of the GoddessMemoria.
Ch.Why so?
Pe.Because you'll have more Occasion for patient Ears, than a strenuous Tongue. And the Ear is dedicated to the GoddessMemoria.
Ch.Whither are you going? Whither will you go?
Pe.This Way, to the left Hand. This Way, that Way, through the Market.
Ch.Then I'll bear you Company as far as the next Turning.
Pe.I won't let you go about. You shan't put yourself to so much Trouble on my Account. Save that Trouble till it shall be of Use, it is altogether unnecessary at this Time. Don't go out of your Way upon my Account.
Ch.I reckon I save my Time while I enjoy the Company of so good a Friend. I have nothing else to do, and I am not so lazy, if my Company won't be troublesome.
Pe.No Body is a more pleasant Companion. But I won't suffer you to go on my left Hand. I won't let you walk on my left Hand. Here I bid God be with you. I shall not bear you Company any longer. You shan't go further with me.
* * * * *
A Form of Recommending.
Ch.Recommend me kindly toCurio. Recommend me as kindly as may be to talkativeCurio. Take Care to recommend me heartily toCurio. I desire you have me recommended to him. I recommend myself to him by you. I recommend myself to you again and again. I recommend myself to your Favour with all the Earnestness possible. Leaverecommendoinstead ofcommendotoBarbarians. See that you don't be sparing of your Speech with one that is full of Tongue. See that you be not of few Words with him that is a Man of many Words.
* * * * *
A Form of Obsequiousness.
Pe.Would you have me obey you? Would you have me be obedient? Shall I obey you? Then you command me to imitate you. Since you would have it so, I'll do it with all my Heart. Don't hinder me any longer; don't let us hinder one another.
Ch.But before you go, I intreat you not to think much to teach me how I must use these Sentences,in morâ, in causâ, in culpâ; you use to be studious of Elegancy. Wherefore come on, I entreat you teach me; explain it to me, I love you dearly.
* * * * *
In Culpâ, In Causâ, In Morâ.
Pe.I must do as you would have me. The Fault is not in me. It is not in thee. The Delay is in thee. Thou art the Cause, is indeed grammatically spoken; these are more elegant.
In Culpâ.
I am not in the Fault. The Fault is not mine. I am without Fault. Your Idleness has been the Cause, that you have made no Proficiency, not your Master nor your Father. You are all in Fault. You are both in Fault. You are both to be blam'd. Ye are both to be accus'd. You have gotten this Distemper by your own ill Management. In like Manner they are said to bein vitio, to whom the Fault is to be imputed; andin crimine, they who are to be blam'd; andin damno, who are Losers. This sort of Phrase is not to be inverted commonly;Damnum in illo est. Vitium in illo est.
* * * * *
In Causâ.
Sickness has been the Occasion that I have not written to you. My Affairs have been the Cause that I have written to you so seldom, and not Neglect. What was the Cause? What Cause was there? I was not the Cause. The Post-Man was in the Fault that you have had no Letters from me. Love and not Study is the Cause of your being so lean. This is the Cause.
In Morâ.
I won't hinder you. What has hinder'd you? You have hindred us. You are always a Hindrance. What hindred you? Who has hindred you? You have what you ask'd for. It is your Duty to remember it. You have the Reward of your Respect. Farewell, myChristian.
Ch.And fare you well till to Morrow, myPeter.
* * * * *
At Meeting.
Ch.God save you heartily, sweetAustin.
Au.I wish the same to you, most kindChristian. Good Morrow to you. I wish you a good Day; but how do you do?
Ch.Very well as Things go, and I wish you what you wish for.
Au.I love you deservedly. I love thee. Thou deservest to be lov'd heartily. Thou speakest kindly. Thou art courteous. I give thee Thanks.
* * * * *
I am angry with thee. The Form.
Ch.But I am something angry with you. But I am a little angry with you. But I am a little provok'd at you. I have something to be angry with you for.
* * * * *
For what Cause. The Form.
Au.I pray what is it? Why so? But why, I beseech you? What Crime have I committed? What have I done?Promereor bona, I deserve Good;Commereor mala, I deserve Ill, or Punishment: The one is used in a good Sense, and the other in an ill.Demeremur eum, is said of him that we have attach'd to us by Kindness.
* * * * *
Because you don't Regard me.
Ch.Because you take no Care of me. Because you don't regard me. Because you come to see us so seldom. Because you wholly neglect us. Because you quite neglect me. Because you seem to have cast off all Care of us.
Au.But there is no Cause for you to be angry. But you are angry without my Desert, and undeservedly; for it has not been my Fault, that I have come to see you but seldom: Forgive my Hurry of Business that has hindered me from seeing you, as often as I would have done.
Ch.I will pardon you upon this Condition, if you'll come to Supper with me to Night. I'll quit you upon that Condition, if you come to Supper with me in the Evening.
Au. Christian, you prescribe no hard Articles of Peace, and therefore I'll come with all my Heart. Indeed I will do it willingly. Indeed I would do that with all Readiness in the World. I shan't do that unwillingly. I won't want much Courting to that. There is nothing in the World that I would do with more Readiness. I will do it with a willing Mind.