SyrusOne way, or other, money must be had,And the old gentleman impos’d upon.Syrus(to himself.) This way, or that way, or some way or other!For money must be had, and th’ old man trick’d.Chrem.(overbearing.) Was I deceiv’d in thinking they were at it?That slave of Clinia’s, it should seem, is dull,And so our Syrus has the part assign’d him.Syrus.Who’s there (seeingChremes). Undone if he has overheard me. (Aside.)Chrem.Syrus.Syrus.Sir!Chrem.What now?Syrus.Nothing.—But I wonderTo see you up so early in the morning,Who drank so freely yesterday.Chrem.Not much.Syrus.Not much? You have, Sir, as the proverb goes,The old age of an eagle.Chrem.Ah!Syrus.A pleasant,Good sort of girl, this wench of Clinia’s.Chrem.Aye, so she seems.Syrus.And handsome.Chrem.Well enough.Syrus.Not like the maids of old, but passable,As girls go now: nor am I much amaz’dThat Clinia dotes upon her. But he has,Alas, poor lad! a miserable, close,Dry, covetous, curmudgeon to his father:Our neighbor here; d’ye know him?—Yet, as ifHe did not roll in riches, his poor sonWas forc’d to run away for very want.D’ye know this story?Chrem.Do I know it? Aye.A scoundrel! should be horse-whipp’d.Syrus.Who?Chrem.That slaveOf Clinia’s——Syrus.Troth, I trembled for you, Syrus! (Aside.)Chrem.Who suffer’d this.Syrus.Why what should he have done?Chrem.What?—have devis’d some scheme, some ways and meansChrem.What?—have devis’d expedients, contriv’d schemes,To raise the cash for the young gentlemanTo make his mistress presents; and have doneA kindness to th’ old hunks against his will.Syrus.You jest.Chrem.Not I: it was his duty, Syrus.Syrus.How’s this? why prithee then, d’ye praise those slaves,Who trick their masters?Chrem.Yes upon occasion.Syrus.Mighty fine, truly!Chrem.Why, it oft preventsA great deal of uneasiness: for instance,My neighbour Menedemus, well deceiv’d,Would ne’er have seen his son abandon him.Syrus.I don’t know whether he’s in jest or earnest,But it gives me encouragement to trick him.This Clinia, Menedemus’ only son,Would never have elop’d.Syrus.I can not tellWhether he says all this in jest or earnest;But it gives fresh encouragement to me. (Aside.)Chrem.And now what is’t the blockhead waits for, Syrus?Is’t till his master runs away again,When he perceives himself no longer ableTo bear with the expenses of his mistress?Has he no plot upon th’ old gentleman?Syrus.He’s a poor creature.Chrem.But it is your part,For Clinia’s sake, to lend a helping hand.Syrus.Why, that indeed I easily can do,If you command me; for I know which way.Chrem.I take you at your word.Syrus.I’ll make it good.Chrem.Do so.Syrus.But hark ye, Sir! remember this,If ever it hereafter comes to pass,—As who can answer for th’ affairs of men!That your own son——Chrem.I hope ’twill never be.Syrus.I hope so too; nor do I mention thisFrom any knowledge or suspicion of him:But that in case—his time of life, you know;And should there be occasion, trust me, Chremes,But I could handle you most handsomely.Chrem.Well, well, we’ll think of it, when that time comes.Nowto your present task!ExitChremes.SCENE IV.Syrusalone.I never heardMy master argue more commodiously;Nor ever was inclin’d to mischief, whenNor ever had a mind to mischief, whenIt might be done with more impunity.But who’s this coming from our house?SCENE V.EnterClitipho, andChremesfollowing.Chrem.How now?What manners are these, Clitipho? does thisBecome you?Clit.What’s the matter?Chrem.Did not IThis very instant see you put your handInto yon wench’s bosom?Syrus.So! all’s over:I am undone. (Aside.)Clit.Me, Sir?Chrem.These very eyesBeheld you: don’t deny it.—’Tis base in youTo be so flippant with your hands. For whatAffront’s more gross than to receive a friendUnder your roof, and tamper with his mistress?And, last night in your cups too, how indecentAnd rudely you behav’d!Syrus.’Tis very true.Chrem.So very troublesome, so help me Heav’n,I fear’d the consequence. I know the waysOf lovers: they oft take offense at thingsYou dream not of.Clit.But my companion, Sir,Is confident I would not wrong him.Chrem.Granted.Yet you should cease to hang forever on them.Withdraw, and leave them sometimes to themselves.Love has a thousand sallies; you restrain them.I can conjecture from myself. There’s none,How near soever, Clitipho, to whomI dare lay open all my weaknesses.With one my pride forbids it, with anotherThe very action shames me: and believe me,It is the same with him; and ’tis our placeTo mark on what occasions to indulge him.Syrus.What says he now? (Aside.)Clit.Confusion!Syrus.Clitipho,These are the very precepts that I gave you:And how discreet and temperate you’ve been!Clit.Prithee, peace!Syrus.Aye, I warrant you.Chrem.Oh, Syrus,I’m quite asham’d of him.Syrus.I do not doubt it.Nor without reason; for it troubles me.Clit.Still, rascal!Syrus.Nay, I do but speak the truth.Clit.May I not then go near them?Chrem.Prithee, then,Is thereoneway alone of going near them?Syrus.Confusion! he’ll betray himself beforeI get the money. (Aside.)—Chremes, will you onceHear a fool’s counsel?Chrem.What do you advise?Syrus.Order your son about his business.Clit.Whither?Syrus.Whither! where’er you please. Give place to them.Go take a walk.Clit.Walk! where?Syrus.A pretty question!This, that, or any way.Chrem.He says right. Go!Clit.Now, plague upon you, Syrus! (Going.)Syrus(toClitipho, going). Henceforth, learnTo keep those hands of yours at rest.ExitClitipho.SCENE VI.Chremes,Syrus.D’ye mind?What think you, Chremes, will become of him,Unless you do your utmost to preserve,Correct, and counsel him?Chrem.I’ll take due care.Syrus.But now’s your time, Sir, to look after him.Chrem.It shall be done.Syrus.It must be, if you’re wise:For ev’ry day he minds me less and less.Chrem.But, Syrus, say, what progress have you madeIn that affair I just now mention’d to you?Have you struck out a scheme that pleases you?Or are you still to seek?Syrus.The plot, you mean,On Menedemus. I’ve just hit on one.Chrem.Good fellow! prithee now, what is’t?Syrus.I’ll tell you.But as one thing brings in another——Chrem.Well?Syrus.This Bacchis is a sad jade.Chrem.So it seems.Syrus.Aye, Sir, if you knew all; nay, even nowShe’s hatching mischief.—Dwelling hereabouts,There was of late an old Corinthian woman,To whom this Bacchis lent a thousand pieces.Chrem.What then?Syrus.The woman’s dead; and left behindA daughter, very young, whom she bequeath’d,By way of pledge, to Bacchis for the money.Chrem.I understand.Syrus.This girl came here with Bacchis,And now is with your wife.Chrem.What then?Syrus.She begsOf Clinia to advance the cash; for whichShe’ll give the girl as an equivalent.She wants the thousand pieces.Chrem.Does she so?Syrus.No doubt on’t.Chrem.So I thought.—And what do youIntend to do?Syrus.Who? I, Sir? I’ll awayTo Menedemus presently; and tell himThis maiden is a rich and noble captive,Stolen from Caria; and to ransom herWill greatly profit him.Chrem.’Twill never do.Syrus.How so?Chrem.I answer now for Menedemus.I will not purchase her.What say you now?Syrus.Give a more favorable answer!Chrem.No,There’s no occasion.Syrus.No occasion?Chrem.No.Syrus.I can not comprehend you.Chrem.I’ll explain.—But hold! what now? whence comes it that our doorOpens so hastily?SCENE VII.Enter at a distanceSostratawith a ring, and theNurse.Sostra.Or I’m deceiv’d,Or this is certainly the very ring;The ring with which my daughter was expos’d.Chrem.(toSyrus, behind). What can those words mean, Syrus?Sostra.Tell me, Nurse!Does it appear to you to be the same?Nurse.Aye, marry: and the very moment thatYou show’d it me, I said it was the same.Sostra.But have you thoroughly examin’d, Nurse?Nurse.Aye, thoroughly.Sostra.In then, and let me knowIf she has yet done bathing; and meanwhileI’ll wait my husband here.ExitNurse.Syrus.She wants you, Sir!Enquire, what she would have. She’s very grave.Syrus.She wants you, Sir! inquireWhat she would have. She’s grave, I know not why.’Tis not for nothing; and I fear the cause.Chrem.The cause? pshaw! nothing. She’ll take mighty painsTo be deliver’d of some mighty trifle.Sostra.(seeing them). Oh husband!Chrem.Oh wife!Sostra.I was looking for you,Chrem.Your pleasure?Sostra.First, I must entreat you then,Believe, I would not dare do any thingAgainst your order.Chrem.What! must I believeA thing past all belief?—I do believe it.Syrus.This exculpation bodes some fault, I’m sure. (Aside.)Sostra.Do you remember, I was pregnant once,When you assur’d me with much earnestness,That if I were deliver’d of a girl,You would not have the child brought up?Chrem.I knowWhat you have done. You have brought up the child.Syrus.Madam, if so, my master gains a loss.Sostra.No, I have not: but there was at that timeAn old Corinthian woman dwelling here,To whom I gave the child to be expos’d.Chrem.O Jupiter! was ever such a fool!Sostra.Ah, what have I committed?Chrem.What committed!Sostra.If I’ve offended, Chremes, ’tis a crimeOf ignorance, and nothing of my purpose.Chrem.Own it or not, I know it well enough,That ignorantly, and imprudently,You do and say all things; how many faultsIn this one action are you guilty of!For first, had you complied with my commands,The girl had been dispatch’d; and not her deathPretended, and hopes given of her life.But that I do not dwell upon: You’ll cry,“—Pity,—a mother’s fondness.”—I allow it.But then how rarely you provided for her!What could you mean? consider!—for ’tis plain,You have betray’d your child to that old beldam,Either for prostitution, or for sale.So she but liv’d, it was enough, you thought:No matter how, or what vile life she led.—What can one do, or how proceed, with those,Who know of neither reason, right, nor justice?Better or worse, for or against, they seeNothing but what they list.Sostra.My dearest Chremes,I own I have offended: I’m convinc’d.But since you’re more experienc’d than myself,I pray you be the more indulgent too,And let my weakness shelter in your justice.Chrem.Well, well, I pardon you: but, Sostrata,Forgiving you thus easily, I doBut teach you to offend again. But come,Say, wherefore you began this?Sostra.As we womenAre generally weak and superstitious,When first to this Corinthian old womanI gave the little infant, from my fingerI drew a ring, and charg’d her to exposeThat with my daughter: that if chance she died,She might have part of our possessions with her.Chrem.’Twas right: you thus preserv’d yourself and her.Sostra.This is that ring.Chrem.Where had it you?Sostra.The girlThat Bacchis brought with her——Syrus.Ha! (Aside.)Chrem.What says she?Sostra.Desir’d I’d keep it while she went to bathe.I took no notice on’t, at first; but INo sooner look’d on’t than I knew’t again,And straight ran out to you.Chrem.And what d’ye think,Or know concerning her?Sostra.I can not tell,Till you inquire it of herself, and find,If possible, from whence she had the ring.Syrus.Undone! I see more hope than I desire.She’s ours, if this be so. (Aside.)Chrem.Is she aliveTo whom you gave the child?Sostra.I do not know.Chrem.What did she tell you formerly?Sostra.That sheHad done what I commanded her.Chrem.Her name;That we may make inquiry.Sostra.Philtere.Syrus.The very same! she’s found, and I am lost.Aside.Chrem.In with me, Sostrata!Sostra.Beyond my hopes.How much I fear’d you should continue stillSo rigidly inclin’d, as formerly,When you refus’d to educate her, Chremes!Chrem.Men can not always be as they desire,But must be govern’d by their fortunes still.The times are alter’d with me, and I wishTo have a daughter now; then, nothing less.ACT THE FOURTH.SCENE I.Syrus, alone.My mind misgives me, my defeat is nigh,This unexpected incident has drivenMy forces into such a narrow pass,I can not even handsomely retreatWithout some feint, to hinder our old manFrom seeing that this wench is Clitipho’s.As for the money, and the trick I dream’d of,Those hopes are flown, and I shall hold it triumph,So I but ’scape a scouring—Cursed fortune,To have so delicate a morsel snatch’dOut of my very jaws!—What shall I do?What new device? for I must change my plan.—Nothing so difficult, but may be wonBy industry.—Suppose, I try it thus. (Thinking.)—’Twill never do.—Or thus?—No better still.But thus I think.—No, no.—Yes, excellent!Courage! I have it.—Good!—Good!—best of all!———’Faith, I begin to hope to lay fast holdOf that same slipp’ry money after all.SCENE II.EnterCliniaat another part of the stage.Clin.Henceforward, fate, do with me what thou wilt!Such is my joy, so full and absolute,I can not know vexation. From this hourTo you, my father, I resign myself,Content to be more frugal than you wish!Syrus(overhearing). ’Tis just as I suppos’d. The girl’s acknowledged;His raptures speak it so.— (Going up.) I’m overjoyedThat things have happen’d to your wish.Clin.O Syrus!Have you then heard it too?Syrus.Undoubtedly.Syrus.I heard it? Aye:I, who was present at the very time!Clin.Was ever any thing so lucky?Syrus.Nothing.Clin.Now, Heav’n so help me, I rejoice at thisOn her account much rather than my own,Her, whom I know worthy the highest honors.Syrus.No doubt on’t.—But now, Clinia, hold a while!Give me a moment’s hearing in my turn.For your friend’s business must be thought of now,And well secur’d, lest our old gentlemanSuspect about the wench.Clin.O Jupiter! (In raptures.)Syrus.Peace! (Impatiently.)Clin.My Antiphila shall be my wife.Syrus.And will you interrupt me?Clin.Oh, my Syrus,What can I do! I’m overjoy’d. Bear with me.Syrus.Troth so I do.Clin.We’re happy, as the Gods.Syrus.I lose my labor on you.Clin.Speak; I hear.Syrus.Aye, but you don’t attend.Clin.I’m all attention.Syrus.I say then, Clinia, that your friend’s affairsMust be attended to, and well secur’d:For if you now depart abruptly from us,And leave the wench upon our hands, my masterWill instantly discover she belongsTo Clitipho. But if you take her off,It will remain, as still it is, a secret.Clin.But, Syrus, this is flatly oppositeTo what I most devoutly wish, my marriage,For with what face shall I accost my father?D’ye understand me?Syrus.Aye.Clin.What can I say?What reason can I give him?Syrus.Tell no lie.Speak the plain truth.Clin.How?Syrus.Every syllable.Tell him your passion for Antiphila;Tell him you wish to marry her, and tell him,Bacchis belongs to Clitipho.Clin.’Tis well,In reason, and may easily be done:And then besides you’d have me win my father,To keep it hid from your old gentleman.Syrus.No; rather to prevail on him, to goAnd tell him the whole truth immediately.Clin.How? are you mad? or drunk? You’ll be the ruinOf Clitipho: for how can he be safe?Eh, Sirrah!Syrus.That’s my master-piece: this plotIs my chief glory, and I’m proud to thinkI have such force, such power of cunning in me,As to be able to deceive them both,By speaking the plain truth: that when your fatherTells Chremes, Bacchis is his own son’s mistress,He sha’n’t believe it.Clin.But that way againYou blast my hopes of marriage: for while ChremesSupposes her my mistress, he’ll not grantHis daughter to me. You, perhaps, don’t care,So you provide for him, what comes of me.Syrus.Why, plague! d’ye think I’d have you counterfeitForever? but a day, to give me timeTo bubble Chremes of the money.—Peace!Not an hour more.Clin.Is that sufficient for you?But then, suppose his father find it out!Syrus.Suppose, as some folks say, the sky should fall!Clin.Still I’m afraid.Syrus.Afraid indeed, as ifIt was not in your pow’r, whene’er you pleas’d,To clear yourself, and tell the whole affair.Clin.Well, well, let Bacchis be brought over then!Syrus.Well said; and here she comes.SCENE III.EnterBacchis,Phrygia, etc., at another part of the stage.Bacch.Upon my life,This Syrus with his golden promisesHas fool’d me hither charmingly! Ten minæHe gave me full assurance of: but ifHe now deceives me, come whene’er he will,Canting and fawning to allure me hither,It shall be all in vain; I will not stir.Or when I have agreed, and fix’d a time,Of which he shall have giv’n his master notice,And Clitipho is all agog with hope,I’ll fairly jilt them both, and not come near them;And master Syrus’ back shall smart for it.Clin.She promises you very fair.Syrus.D’ye thinkShe jests? She’ll do it, if I don’t take heed.Bacch.They sleep: i’ faith, I’ll rouse them. Hark ye, Phrygia,Did you observe the villa of Charinus,Which yonder fellow shew’d us?Phry.I did, Madam.Bacch.The next upon the right.Phry.I recollect.Didst note the villa of Charinus, whichThat fellow just now show’d us? (Aloud.)Phry.I did, Madam.Bacch.The next house on the right hand. (Aloud.)Phry.I remember.Bacch.Run thither quickly: for the Captain spendsThe Dionysia there. (Aloud.)Syrus(behind). What means she now?Bacch.Tell him I’m here; and sore against my will,Detain’d by force; but I’ll devise some meansDetain’d by force; but that I’ll find some meansTo slip away and come to him. (Aloud.)Syrus.Confusion!— (Comes forward.)Stay, Bacchis, Bacchis! where d’ye send that girl?Bid her stop!Bacch.Go! (ToPhrygia.)Syrus.The money’s ready for you.Bacch.Oh! then I stay.Syrus.You shall be paid directly.Syrus.The money’s ready.Bacch.ThenI stay. (Phrygiareturns.)Syrus.This instant you shall have it, Bacchis.Bacch.When you please; I don’t press you.Syrus.But d’ye knowWhat you’re to do?Bacch.Why, what?Syrus.You must go over,You and your equipage, to Menedemus.Bacch.What are you at now, sauce-box?Syrus.Coining moneyFor your use, Bacchis.Bacch.Do you think to playYour jests on me?Syrus.No; this is downright earnest.Bacch.Are you the person I’m to deal with?Syrus.No.But ’twill secure your money.But there I’ll pay the money.Bacch.Let us go then!Syrus.Follow her there.——Ho, Dromo!SCENE IV.EnterDromo.Dromo.Who calls?Syrus.Syrus.Dromo.Your pleasure! What’s the matter now?Syrus.ConductAll Bacchis’ maids to your house instantly.Dromo.Why so?Syrus.No questions: let them carry overAll they brought hither. Our old gentlemanWill think himself reliev’d from much expenseBy their departure. Troth, he little knowsWith how much loss this small gain threatens him.If you’re wise, Dromo, know not what you know.Dromo.I’m dumb.ExitDromo, withBacchis’ servants and baggage, into the house ofMenedemus.SCENE V.After which, enterChremes.Chrem.(to himself). ’Fore Heav’n, I pity Menedemus.His case is lamentable: to maintainThat jade and all her harlot family!Although I know for some few days to comeHe will not feel it; so exceedinglyHe long’d to have his son: but when he seesSuch monstrous household riot and expenseContinue daily, without end or measure,He’ll wish his son away from him again.But yonder’s Syrus in good time. (SeeingSyrus.)Syrus.I’ll to him. (Aside.)Chrem.Syrus!Syrus.Who’s there? (Turning about.)Chrem.What now?Syrus.The very man!I have been wishing for you this long time.Chrem.You seem to’ve been at work with Menedemus.Chrem.You seem to’ve been at work with the old man.Syrus.What! at our plot? No sooner said than done.Chrem.Indeed!Syrus.Indeed.Chrem.I can’t forbear to strokeYour head for it. Good lad! come nearer, Syrus!I’ll do thee some good turn for this. I will,I promise you. (Patting his head.)Syrus.Ah, if you did but knowHow luckily it came into my head!Chrem.Pshaw, are you vain of your good luck?Syrus.Not I.I speak the plain truth.Chrem.Let me know it then.Syrus.Clinia has told his father that the wenchIs mistress to your Clitipho; and thatHe brought her over with him to their house,To hinder your detecting it.Chrem.Good! good!Syrus.D’ye think so?Chrem.Charming!He brought her with him hither, to preventYour smoking it.Chrem.Incomparable!Syrus.Really?Chrem.O, admirable!Syrus.Aye, if you knew all.But only hear the rest of our device.But only hear the rest of our advice.He’ll tell his father he has seen your daughter,Whose beauty has so charm’d him at first sight,He longs to marry her.Chrem.Antiphila?Syrus.The same: and he’ll request him to demand herOf you in marriage.Chrem.To what purpose, Syrus?I don’t conceive the drift on’t.Syrus.No! you’re slow.Chrem.Perhaps so.Syrus.Menedemus instantlyWill furnish him with money for the wedding,To buy——d’ye take me?Chrem.Clothes and jewels.Syrus.Aye.Chrem.But I will neither marry, nor betrothMy daughter to him.Syrus.No? Why?Chrem.Why!—is thatA question? to a wretch!——Syrus.Well, as you please.I never meant that he should marry her,But only to pretend——Chrem.I hate pretense.Plot as you please, but do not render meAn engine in your rogueries. Shall IContract my daughter, where I never canConsent to marry her?Syrus.I fancied so.Chrem.Not I.Syrus.It might be done most dextrously:And, in obedience to your strict commands,I undertook this business.Chrem.I believe it.Syrus.However, Sir, I meant it well.Chrem.Nay, nay,Do’t by all means, and spare no trouble in’t;But bring your scheme to bear some other way.Syrus.It shall be done: I’ll think upon some other.—But then the money which I mention’d to you,Owing to Bacchis by Antiphila,Must be repaid her: and you will not nowAttempt to shift the matter off; or say,“—What is’t to me? was I the borrower?Did I command it? Could she pledge my daughterAgainst my will?”—These pleas you cannot urge;Against my will?”——You can say none of this;For ’tis a common saying, and a true,That strictest law is oft the highest wrong.Chrem.I mean not to evade it.Syrus.No, I’ll warrant.Nay you, though others did, could never think on’t;For all the world imagines you’ve acquir’dA fair and handsome fortune.Chrem.I will carryThe money to her instantly myself.Syrus.No; rather send it by your son.Chrem.Why so!Syrus.Because he acts the part of her gallant.Chrem.What then?Syrus.Why then ’twill seem more probable,If he presents it: I too shall effectMy scheme more easily.—And here he is.——In, Sir, and fetch the money out.Chrem.I will.ExitChremes.SCENE VI.EnterClitipho.Clit.(to himself). Nothing so easy in itself, but whenPerform’d against one’s will, grows difficult.This little walk how easy! yet how faintAnd weary it has made me!—and I fearLest I be still excluded, and forbidTo come near Bacchis. (SeeingSyrus.)—Now all powers above.Confound you, Syrus, for the trick you play’d me!That brain of yours is evermore contrivingSome villainy to torture me withal.Syrus.Away, you malapert! Your frowardnessHad well-nigh been my ruin.Clit.Would it had!For you deserv’d it richly.Syrus.How! deserv’d it?I’faith I’m glad I heard you say so muchBefore you touch’d the cash, that I was justAbout to give you.Syrus.Away, you malapert! Your frowardnessHad well-nigh ruin’d me.Clit.I would it had,As you deserv’d!Syrus.As I deserv’d!—How’s that?——Before you touch’d the cash, that I was justAbout to give you.Clit.Why, what can I say?You went away; came back, beyond my hopes,And brought my mistress with you; then againForbade my touching her.Syrus.Well, well, I can’tBe peevish with you now—But do you knowWhere Bacchis is?Clit.At our house.Syrus.No.Clit.Where then?Syrus.At Clinia’s.Clit.Then I’m ruin’d.Syrus.Courage, man!You shall go to her instantly, and carryThe money that you promis’d her.Clit.Fine talk!Where should I get it?Syrus.From your father.Clit.Pshaw!You play upon me.Syrus.The event shall show.Clit.Then I am bless’d indeed. Thanks, thanks, dear Syrus!Syrus.Hist! here’s your father.—Have a care! don’t seemSurpris’d at any thing: give way in all:Do as he bids, and say but little. Mum!SCENE VII.EnterChremes.
SyrusOne way, or other, money must be had,And the old gentleman impos’d upon.Syrus(to himself.) This way, or that way, or some way or other!For money must be had, and th’ old man trick’d.Chrem.(overbearing.) Was I deceiv’d in thinking they were at it?That slave of Clinia’s, it should seem, is dull,And so our Syrus has the part assign’d him.Syrus.Who’s there (seeingChremes). Undone if he has overheard me. (Aside.)Chrem.Syrus.Syrus.Sir!Chrem.What now?Syrus.Nothing.—But I wonderTo see you up so early in the morning,Who drank so freely yesterday.Chrem.Not much.Syrus.Not much? You have, Sir, as the proverb goes,The old age of an eagle.Chrem.Ah!Syrus.A pleasant,Good sort of girl, this wench of Clinia’s.Chrem.Aye, so she seems.Syrus.And handsome.Chrem.Well enough.Syrus.Not like the maids of old, but passable,As girls go now: nor am I much amaz’dThat Clinia dotes upon her. But he has,Alas, poor lad! a miserable, close,Dry, covetous, curmudgeon to his father:Our neighbor here; d’ye know him?—Yet, as ifHe did not roll in riches, his poor sonWas forc’d to run away for very want.D’ye know this story?Chrem.Do I know it? Aye.A scoundrel! should be horse-whipp’d.Syrus.Who?Chrem.That slaveOf Clinia’s——Syrus.Troth, I trembled for you, Syrus! (Aside.)Chrem.Who suffer’d this.Syrus.Why what should he have done?Chrem.What?—have devis’d some scheme, some ways and meansChrem.What?—have devis’d expedients, contriv’d schemes,To raise the cash for the young gentlemanTo make his mistress presents; and have doneA kindness to th’ old hunks against his will.Syrus.You jest.Chrem.Not I: it was his duty, Syrus.Syrus.How’s this? why prithee then, d’ye praise those slaves,Who trick their masters?Chrem.Yes upon occasion.Syrus.Mighty fine, truly!Chrem.Why, it oft preventsA great deal of uneasiness: for instance,My neighbour Menedemus, well deceiv’d,Would ne’er have seen his son abandon him.Syrus.I don’t know whether he’s in jest or earnest,But it gives me encouragement to trick him.This Clinia, Menedemus’ only son,Would never have elop’d.Syrus.I can not tellWhether he says all this in jest or earnest;But it gives fresh encouragement to me. (Aside.)Chrem.And now what is’t the blockhead waits for, Syrus?Is’t till his master runs away again,When he perceives himself no longer ableTo bear with the expenses of his mistress?Has he no plot upon th’ old gentleman?Syrus.He’s a poor creature.Chrem.But it is your part,For Clinia’s sake, to lend a helping hand.Syrus.Why, that indeed I easily can do,If you command me; for I know which way.Chrem.I take you at your word.Syrus.I’ll make it good.Chrem.Do so.Syrus.But hark ye, Sir! remember this,If ever it hereafter comes to pass,—As who can answer for th’ affairs of men!That your own son——Chrem.I hope ’twill never be.Syrus.I hope so too; nor do I mention thisFrom any knowledge or suspicion of him:But that in case—his time of life, you know;And should there be occasion, trust me, Chremes,But I could handle you most handsomely.Chrem.Well, well, we’ll think of it, when that time comes.Nowto your present task!ExitChremes.
SyrusOne way, or other, money must be had,And the old gentleman impos’d upon.
SyrusOne way, or other, money must be had,
And the old gentleman impos’d upon.
Syrus(to himself.) This way, or that way, or some way or other!
For money must be had, and th’ old man trick’d.
Chrem.(overbearing.) Was I deceiv’d in thinking they were at it?
That slave of Clinia’s, it should seem, is dull,
And so our Syrus has the part assign’d him.
Syrus.Who’s there (seeingChremes). Undone if he has overheard me. (Aside.)
Chrem.Syrus.
Syrus.Sir!
Chrem.What now?
Syrus.Nothing.—But I wonder
To see you up so early in the morning,
Who drank so freely yesterday.
Chrem.Not much.
Syrus.Not much? You have, Sir, as the proverb goes,
The old age of an eagle.
Chrem.Ah!
Syrus.A pleasant,
Good sort of girl, this wench of Clinia’s.
Chrem.Aye, so she seems.
Syrus.And handsome.
Chrem.Well enough.
Syrus.Not like the maids of old, but passable,
As girls go now: nor am I much amaz’d
That Clinia dotes upon her. But he has,
Alas, poor lad! a miserable, close,
Dry, covetous, curmudgeon to his father:
Our neighbor here; d’ye know him?—Yet, as if
He did not roll in riches, his poor son
Was forc’d to run away for very want.
D’ye know this story?
Chrem.Do I know it? Aye.
A scoundrel! should be horse-whipp’d.
Syrus.Who?
Chrem.That slave
Of Clinia’s——
Syrus.Troth, I trembled for you, Syrus! (Aside.)
Chrem.Who suffer’d this.
Syrus.Why what should he have done?
Chrem.What?—have devis’d some scheme, some ways and means
Chrem.What?—have devis’d expedients, contriv’d schemes,
To raise the cash for the young gentleman
To make his mistress presents; and have done
A kindness to th’ old hunks against his will.
Syrus.You jest.
Chrem.Not I: it was his duty, Syrus.
Syrus.How’s this? why prithee then, d’ye praise those slaves,
Who trick their masters?
Chrem.Yes upon occasion.
Syrus.Mighty fine, truly!
Chrem.Why, it oft prevents
A great deal of uneasiness: for instance,
My neighbour Menedemus, well deceiv’d,Would ne’er have seen his son abandon him.Syrus.I don’t know whether he’s in jest or earnest,But it gives me encouragement to trick him.
My neighbour Menedemus, well deceiv’d,
Would ne’er have seen his son abandon him.
Syrus.I don’t know whether he’s in jest or earnest,
But it gives me encouragement to trick him.
This Clinia, Menedemus’ only son,
Would never have elop’d.
Syrus.I can not tell
Whether he says all this in jest or earnest;
But it gives fresh encouragement to me. (Aside.)
Chrem.And now what is’t the blockhead waits for, Syrus?
Is’t till his master runs away again,
When he perceives himself no longer able
To bear with the expenses of his mistress?
Has he no plot upon th’ old gentleman?
Syrus.He’s a poor creature.
Chrem.But it is your part,
For Clinia’s sake, to lend a helping hand.
Syrus.Why, that indeed I easily can do,
If you command me; for I know which way.
Chrem.I take you at your word.
Syrus.I’ll make it good.
Chrem.Do so.
Syrus.But hark ye, Sir! remember this,
If ever it hereafter comes to pass,
—As who can answer for th’ affairs of men!
That your own son——
Chrem.I hope ’twill never be.
Syrus.I hope so too; nor do I mention this
From any knowledge or suspicion of him:
But that in case—his time of life, you know;
And should there be occasion, trust me, Chremes,
But I could handle you most handsomely.
Chrem.Well, well, we’ll think of it, when that time comes.
Nowto your present task!
ExitChremes.
Syrusalone.
I never heardMy master argue more commodiously;Nor ever was inclin’d to mischief, whenNor ever had a mind to mischief, whenIt might be done with more impunity.But who’s this coming from our house?
I never heard
My master argue more commodiously;
Nor ever was inclin’d to mischief, when
Nor ever had a mind to mischief, when
It might be done with more impunity.
But who’s this coming from our house?
EnterClitipho, andChremesfollowing.
Chrem.How now?What manners are these, Clitipho? does thisBecome you?Clit.What’s the matter?Chrem.Did not IThis very instant see you put your handInto yon wench’s bosom?Syrus.So! all’s over:I am undone. (Aside.)Clit.Me, Sir?Chrem.These very eyesBeheld you: don’t deny it.—’Tis base in youTo be so flippant with your hands. For whatAffront’s more gross than to receive a friendUnder your roof, and tamper with his mistress?And, last night in your cups too, how indecentAnd rudely you behav’d!Syrus.’Tis very true.Chrem.So very troublesome, so help me Heav’n,I fear’d the consequence. I know the waysOf lovers: they oft take offense at thingsYou dream not of.Clit.But my companion, Sir,Is confident I would not wrong him.Chrem.Granted.Yet you should cease to hang forever on them.Withdraw, and leave them sometimes to themselves.Love has a thousand sallies; you restrain them.I can conjecture from myself. There’s none,How near soever, Clitipho, to whomI dare lay open all my weaknesses.With one my pride forbids it, with anotherThe very action shames me: and believe me,It is the same with him; and ’tis our placeTo mark on what occasions to indulge him.Syrus.What says he now? (Aside.)Clit.Confusion!Syrus.Clitipho,These are the very precepts that I gave you:And how discreet and temperate you’ve been!Clit.Prithee, peace!Syrus.Aye, I warrant you.Chrem.Oh, Syrus,I’m quite asham’d of him.Syrus.I do not doubt it.Nor without reason; for it troubles me.Clit.Still, rascal!Syrus.Nay, I do but speak the truth.Clit.May I not then go near them?Chrem.Prithee, then,Is thereoneway alone of going near them?Syrus.Confusion! he’ll betray himself beforeI get the money. (Aside.)—Chremes, will you onceHear a fool’s counsel?Chrem.What do you advise?Syrus.Order your son about his business.Clit.Whither?Syrus.Whither! where’er you please. Give place to them.Go take a walk.Clit.Walk! where?Syrus.A pretty question!This, that, or any way.Chrem.He says right. Go!Clit.Now, plague upon you, Syrus! (Going.)Syrus(toClitipho, going). Henceforth, learnTo keep those hands of yours at rest.ExitClitipho.
Chrem.How now?
What manners are these, Clitipho? does this
Become you?
Clit.What’s the matter?
Chrem.Did not I
This very instant see you put your hand
Into yon wench’s bosom?
Syrus.So! all’s over:
I am undone. (Aside.)
Clit.Me, Sir?
Chrem.These very eyes
Beheld you: don’t deny it.—’Tis base in you
To be so flippant with your hands. For what
Affront’s more gross than to receive a friend
Under your roof, and tamper with his mistress?
And, last night in your cups too, how indecent
And rudely you behav’d!
Syrus.’Tis very true.
Chrem.So very troublesome, so help me Heav’n,
I fear’d the consequence. I know the ways
Of lovers: they oft take offense at things
You dream not of.
Clit.But my companion, Sir,
Is confident I would not wrong him.
Chrem.Granted.
Yet you should cease to hang forever on them.
Withdraw, and leave them sometimes to themselves.
Love has a thousand sallies; you restrain them.
I can conjecture from myself. There’s none,
How near soever, Clitipho, to whom
I dare lay open all my weaknesses.
With one my pride forbids it, with another
The very action shames me: and believe me,
It is the same with him; and ’tis our place
To mark on what occasions to indulge him.
Syrus.What says he now? (Aside.)
Clit.Confusion!
Syrus.Clitipho,
These are the very precepts that I gave you:
And how discreet and temperate you’ve been!
Clit.Prithee, peace!
Syrus.Aye, I warrant you.
Chrem.Oh, Syrus,
I’m quite asham’d of him.
Syrus.I do not doubt it.
Nor without reason; for it troubles me.
Clit.Still, rascal!
Syrus.Nay, I do but speak the truth.
Clit.May I not then go near them?
Chrem.Prithee, then,
Is thereoneway alone of going near them?
Syrus.Confusion! he’ll betray himself before
I get the money. (Aside.)—Chremes, will you once
Hear a fool’s counsel?
Chrem.What do you advise?
Syrus.Order your son about his business.
Clit.Whither?
Syrus.Whither! where’er you please. Give place to them.
Go take a walk.
Clit.Walk! where?
Syrus.A pretty question!
This, that, or any way.
Chrem.He says right. Go!
Clit.Now, plague upon you, Syrus! (Going.)
Syrus(toClitipho, going). Henceforth, learn
To keep those hands of yours at rest.
ExitClitipho.
Chremes,Syrus.
D’ye mind?What think you, Chremes, will become of him,Unless you do your utmost to preserve,Correct, and counsel him?Chrem.I’ll take due care.Syrus.But now’s your time, Sir, to look after him.Chrem.It shall be done.Syrus.It must be, if you’re wise:For ev’ry day he minds me less and less.Chrem.But, Syrus, say, what progress have you madeIn that affair I just now mention’d to you?Have you struck out a scheme that pleases you?Or are you still to seek?Syrus.The plot, you mean,On Menedemus. I’ve just hit on one.Chrem.Good fellow! prithee now, what is’t?Syrus.I’ll tell you.But as one thing brings in another——Chrem.Well?Syrus.This Bacchis is a sad jade.Chrem.So it seems.Syrus.Aye, Sir, if you knew all; nay, even nowShe’s hatching mischief.—Dwelling hereabouts,There was of late an old Corinthian woman,To whom this Bacchis lent a thousand pieces.Chrem.What then?Syrus.The woman’s dead; and left behindA daughter, very young, whom she bequeath’d,By way of pledge, to Bacchis for the money.Chrem.I understand.Syrus.This girl came here with Bacchis,And now is with your wife.Chrem.What then?Syrus.She begsOf Clinia to advance the cash; for whichShe’ll give the girl as an equivalent.She wants the thousand pieces.Chrem.Does she so?Syrus.No doubt on’t.Chrem.So I thought.—And what do youIntend to do?Syrus.Who? I, Sir? I’ll awayTo Menedemus presently; and tell himThis maiden is a rich and noble captive,Stolen from Caria; and to ransom herWill greatly profit him.Chrem.’Twill never do.Syrus.How so?Chrem.I answer now for Menedemus.I will not purchase her.What say you now?Syrus.Give a more favorable answer!Chrem.No,There’s no occasion.Syrus.No occasion?Chrem.No.Syrus.I can not comprehend you.Chrem.I’ll explain.—But hold! what now? whence comes it that our doorOpens so hastily?
D’ye mind?
What think you, Chremes, will become of him,
Unless you do your utmost to preserve,
Correct, and counsel him?
Chrem.I’ll take due care.
Syrus.But now’s your time, Sir, to look after him.
Chrem.It shall be done.
Syrus.It must be, if you’re wise:
For ev’ry day he minds me less and less.
Chrem.But, Syrus, say, what progress have you made
In that affair I just now mention’d to you?
Have you struck out a scheme that pleases you?
Or are you still to seek?
Syrus.The plot, you mean,
On Menedemus. I’ve just hit on one.
Chrem.Good fellow! prithee now, what is’t?
Syrus.I’ll tell you.
But as one thing brings in another——
Chrem.Well?
Syrus.This Bacchis is a sad jade.
Chrem.So it seems.
Syrus.Aye, Sir, if you knew all; nay, even now
She’s hatching mischief.—Dwelling hereabouts,
There was of late an old Corinthian woman,
To whom this Bacchis lent a thousand pieces.
Chrem.What then?
Syrus.The woman’s dead; and left behind
A daughter, very young, whom she bequeath’d,
By way of pledge, to Bacchis for the money.
Chrem.I understand.
Syrus.This girl came here with Bacchis,
And now is with your wife.
Chrem.What then?
Syrus.She begs
Of Clinia to advance the cash; for which
She’ll give the girl as an equivalent.
She wants the thousand pieces.
Chrem.Does she so?
Syrus.No doubt on’t.
Chrem.So I thought.—And what do you
Intend to do?
Syrus.Who? I, Sir? I’ll away
To Menedemus presently; and tell him
This maiden is a rich and noble captive,
Stolen from Caria; and to ransom her
Will greatly profit him.
Chrem.’Twill never do.
Syrus.How so?
Chrem.I answer now for Menedemus.
I will not purchase her.What say you now?
Syrus.Give a more favorable answer!
Chrem.No,
There’s no occasion.
Syrus.No occasion?
Chrem.No.
Syrus.I can not comprehend you.
Chrem.I’ll explain.
—But hold! what now? whence comes it that our door
Opens so hastily?
Enter at a distanceSostratawith a ring, and theNurse.
Sostra.Or I’m deceiv’d,Or this is certainly the very ring;The ring with which my daughter was expos’d.Chrem.(toSyrus, behind). What can those words mean, Syrus?Sostra.Tell me, Nurse!Does it appear to you to be the same?Nurse.Aye, marry: and the very moment thatYou show’d it me, I said it was the same.Sostra.But have you thoroughly examin’d, Nurse?Nurse.Aye, thoroughly.Sostra.In then, and let me knowIf she has yet done bathing; and meanwhileI’ll wait my husband here.ExitNurse.Syrus.She wants you, Sir!Enquire, what she would have. She’s very grave.Syrus.She wants you, Sir! inquireWhat she would have. She’s grave, I know not why.’Tis not for nothing; and I fear the cause.Chrem.The cause? pshaw! nothing. She’ll take mighty painsTo be deliver’d of some mighty trifle.Sostra.(seeing them). Oh husband!Chrem.Oh wife!Sostra.I was looking for you,Chrem.Your pleasure?Sostra.First, I must entreat you then,Believe, I would not dare do any thingAgainst your order.Chrem.What! must I believeA thing past all belief?—I do believe it.Syrus.This exculpation bodes some fault, I’m sure. (Aside.)Sostra.Do you remember, I was pregnant once,When you assur’d me with much earnestness,That if I were deliver’d of a girl,You would not have the child brought up?Chrem.I knowWhat you have done. You have brought up the child.Syrus.Madam, if so, my master gains a loss.Sostra.No, I have not: but there was at that timeAn old Corinthian woman dwelling here,To whom I gave the child to be expos’d.Chrem.O Jupiter! was ever such a fool!Sostra.Ah, what have I committed?Chrem.What committed!Sostra.If I’ve offended, Chremes, ’tis a crimeOf ignorance, and nothing of my purpose.Chrem.Own it or not, I know it well enough,That ignorantly, and imprudently,You do and say all things; how many faultsIn this one action are you guilty of!For first, had you complied with my commands,The girl had been dispatch’d; and not her deathPretended, and hopes given of her life.But that I do not dwell upon: You’ll cry,“—Pity,—a mother’s fondness.”—I allow it.But then how rarely you provided for her!What could you mean? consider!—for ’tis plain,You have betray’d your child to that old beldam,Either for prostitution, or for sale.So she but liv’d, it was enough, you thought:No matter how, or what vile life she led.—What can one do, or how proceed, with those,Who know of neither reason, right, nor justice?Better or worse, for or against, they seeNothing but what they list.Sostra.My dearest Chremes,I own I have offended: I’m convinc’d.But since you’re more experienc’d than myself,I pray you be the more indulgent too,And let my weakness shelter in your justice.Chrem.Well, well, I pardon you: but, Sostrata,Forgiving you thus easily, I doBut teach you to offend again. But come,Say, wherefore you began this?Sostra.As we womenAre generally weak and superstitious,When first to this Corinthian old womanI gave the little infant, from my fingerI drew a ring, and charg’d her to exposeThat with my daughter: that if chance she died,She might have part of our possessions with her.Chrem.’Twas right: you thus preserv’d yourself and her.Sostra.This is that ring.Chrem.Where had it you?Sostra.The girlThat Bacchis brought with her——Syrus.Ha! (Aside.)Chrem.What says she?Sostra.Desir’d I’d keep it while she went to bathe.I took no notice on’t, at first; but INo sooner look’d on’t than I knew’t again,And straight ran out to you.Chrem.And what d’ye think,Or know concerning her?Sostra.I can not tell,Till you inquire it of herself, and find,If possible, from whence she had the ring.Syrus.Undone! I see more hope than I desire.She’s ours, if this be so. (Aside.)Chrem.Is she aliveTo whom you gave the child?Sostra.I do not know.Chrem.What did she tell you formerly?Sostra.That sheHad done what I commanded her.Chrem.Her name;That we may make inquiry.Sostra.Philtere.Syrus.The very same! she’s found, and I am lost.Aside.Chrem.In with me, Sostrata!Sostra.Beyond my hopes.How much I fear’d you should continue stillSo rigidly inclin’d, as formerly,When you refus’d to educate her, Chremes!Chrem.Men can not always be as they desire,But must be govern’d by their fortunes still.The times are alter’d with me, and I wishTo have a daughter now; then, nothing less.
Sostra.Or I’m deceiv’d,
Or this is certainly the very ring;
The ring with which my daughter was expos’d.
Chrem.(toSyrus, behind). What can those words mean, Syrus?
Sostra.Tell me, Nurse!
Does it appear to you to be the same?
Nurse.Aye, marry: and the very moment that
You show’d it me, I said it was the same.
Sostra.But have you thoroughly examin’d, Nurse?
Nurse.Aye, thoroughly.
Sostra.In then, and let me knowIf she has yet done bathing; and meanwhileI’ll wait my husband here.ExitNurse.Syrus.She wants you, Sir!Enquire, what she would have. She’s very grave.Syrus.She wants you, Sir! inquireWhat she would have. She’s grave, I know not why.’Tis not for nothing; and I fear the cause.Chrem.The cause? pshaw! nothing. She’ll take mighty painsTo be deliver’d of some mighty trifle.Sostra.(seeing them). Oh husband!Chrem.Oh wife!
Sostra.In then, and let me know
If she has yet done bathing; and meanwhile
I’ll wait my husband here.
ExitNurse.
Syrus.She wants you, Sir!Enquire, what she would have. She’s very grave.
Syrus.She wants you, Sir!
Enquire, what she would have. She’s very grave.
Syrus.She wants you, Sir! inquire
What she would have. She’s grave, I know not why.
’Tis not for nothing; and I fear the cause.
Chrem.The cause? pshaw! nothing. She’ll take mighty pains
To be deliver’d of some mighty trifle.
Sostra.(seeing them). Oh husband!
Chrem.Oh wife!
Sostra.I was looking for you,
Chrem.Your pleasure?
Sostra.First, I must entreat you then,
Believe, I would not dare do any thing
Against your order.
Chrem.What! must I believe
A thing past all belief?—I do believe it.
Syrus.This exculpation bodes some fault, I’m sure. (Aside.)
Sostra.Do you remember, I was pregnant once,
When you assur’d me with much earnestness,
That if I were deliver’d of a girl,
You would not have the child brought up?
Chrem.I know
What you have done. You have brought up the child.
Syrus.Madam, if so, my master gains a loss.
Sostra.No, I have not: but there was at that time
An old Corinthian woman dwelling here,
To whom I gave the child to be expos’d.
Chrem.O Jupiter! was ever such a fool!
Sostra.Ah, what have I committed?
Chrem.What committed!
Sostra.If I’ve offended, Chremes, ’tis a crime
Of ignorance, and nothing of my purpose.
Chrem.Own it or not, I know it well enough,
That ignorantly, and imprudently,
You do and say all things; how many faults
In this one action are you guilty of!
For first, had you complied with my commands,
The girl had been dispatch’d; and not her death
Pretended, and hopes given of her life.
But that I do not dwell upon: You’ll cry,
“—Pity,—a mother’s fondness.”—I allow it.
But then how rarely you provided for her!
What could you mean? consider!—for ’tis plain,
You have betray’d your child to that old beldam,
Either for prostitution, or for sale.
So she but liv’d, it was enough, you thought:
No matter how, or what vile life she led.
—What can one do, or how proceed, with those,
Who know of neither reason, right, nor justice?
Better or worse, for or against, they see
Nothing but what they list.
Sostra.My dearest Chremes,
I own I have offended: I’m convinc’d.
But since you’re more experienc’d than myself,
I pray you be the more indulgent too,
And let my weakness shelter in your justice.
Chrem.Well, well, I pardon you: but, Sostrata,
Forgiving you thus easily, I do
But teach you to offend again. But come,
Say, wherefore you began this?
Sostra.As we women
Are generally weak and superstitious,
When first to this Corinthian old woman
I gave the little infant, from my finger
I drew a ring, and charg’d her to expose
That with my daughter: that if chance she died,
She might have part of our possessions with her.
Chrem.’Twas right: you thus preserv’d yourself and her.
Sostra.This is that ring.
Chrem.Where had it you?
Sostra.The girl
That Bacchis brought with her——
Syrus.Ha! (Aside.)
Chrem.What says she?
Sostra.Desir’d I’d keep it while she went to bathe.
I took no notice on’t, at first; but I
No sooner look’d on’t than I knew’t again,
And straight ran out to you.
Chrem.And what d’ye think,
Or know concerning her?
Sostra.I can not tell,
Till you inquire it of herself, and find,
If possible, from whence she had the ring.
Syrus.Undone! I see more hope than I desire.
She’s ours, if this be so. (Aside.)
Chrem.Is she alive
To whom you gave the child?
Sostra.I do not know.
Chrem.What did she tell you formerly?
Sostra.That she
Had done what I commanded her.
Chrem.Her name;
That we may make inquiry.
Sostra.Philtere.
Syrus.The very same! she’s found, and I am lost.
Aside.
Chrem.In with me, Sostrata!
Sostra.Beyond my hopes.
How much I fear’d you should continue still
So rigidly inclin’d, as formerly,
When you refus’d to educate her, Chremes!
Chrem.Men can not always be as they desire,
But must be govern’d by their fortunes still.
The times are alter’d with me, and I wish
To have a daughter now; then, nothing less.
Syrus, alone.
My mind misgives me, my defeat is nigh,This unexpected incident has drivenMy forces into such a narrow pass,I can not even handsomely retreatWithout some feint, to hinder our old manFrom seeing that this wench is Clitipho’s.As for the money, and the trick I dream’d of,Those hopes are flown, and I shall hold it triumph,So I but ’scape a scouring—Cursed fortune,To have so delicate a morsel snatch’dOut of my very jaws!—What shall I do?What new device? for I must change my plan.—Nothing so difficult, but may be wonBy industry.—Suppose, I try it thus. (Thinking.)—’Twill never do.—Or thus?—No better still.But thus I think.—No, no.—Yes, excellent!Courage! I have it.—Good!—Good!—best of all!———’Faith, I begin to hope to lay fast holdOf that same slipp’ry money after all.
My mind misgives me, my defeat is nigh,
This unexpected incident has driven
My forces into such a narrow pass,
I can not even handsomely retreat
Without some feint, to hinder our old man
From seeing that this wench is Clitipho’s.
As for the money, and the trick I dream’d of,
Those hopes are flown, and I shall hold it triumph,
So I but ’scape a scouring—Cursed fortune,
To have so delicate a morsel snatch’d
Out of my very jaws!—What shall I do?
What new device? for I must change my plan.
—Nothing so difficult, but may be won
By industry.—Suppose, I try it thus. (Thinking.)
—’Twill never do.—Or thus?—No better still.
But thus I think.—No, no.—Yes, excellent!
Courage! I have it.—Good!—Good!—best of all!——
—’Faith, I begin to hope to lay fast hold
Of that same slipp’ry money after all.
EnterCliniaat another part of the stage.
Clin.Henceforward, fate, do with me what thou wilt!Such is my joy, so full and absolute,I can not know vexation. From this hourTo you, my father, I resign myself,Content to be more frugal than you wish!Syrus(overhearing). ’Tis just as I suppos’d. The girl’s acknowledged;His raptures speak it so.— (Going up.) I’m overjoyedThat things have happen’d to your wish.Clin.O Syrus!Have you then heard it too?Syrus.Undoubtedly.Syrus.I heard it? Aye:I, who was present at the very time!Clin.Was ever any thing so lucky?Syrus.Nothing.Clin.Now, Heav’n so help me, I rejoice at thisOn her account much rather than my own,Her, whom I know worthy the highest honors.Syrus.No doubt on’t.—But now, Clinia, hold a while!Give me a moment’s hearing in my turn.For your friend’s business must be thought of now,And well secur’d, lest our old gentlemanSuspect about the wench.Clin.O Jupiter! (In raptures.)Syrus.Peace! (Impatiently.)Clin.My Antiphila shall be my wife.Syrus.And will you interrupt me?Clin.Oh, my Syrus,What can I do! I’m overjoy’d. Bear with me.Syrus.Troth so I do.Clin.We’re happy, as the Gods.Syrus.I lose my labor on you.Clin.Speak; I hear.Syrus.Aye, but you don’t attend.Clin.I’m all attention.Syrus.I say then, Clinia, that your friend’s affairsMust be attended to, and well secur’d:For if you now depart abruptly from us,And leave the wench upon our hands, my masterWill instantly discover she belongsTo Clitipho. But if you take her off,It will remain, as still it is, a secret.Clin.But, Syrus, this is flatly oppositeTo what I most devoutly wish, my marriage,For with what face shall I accost my father?D’ye understand me?Syrus.Aye.Clin.What can I say?What reason can I give him?Syrus.Tell no lie.Speak the plain truth.Clin.How?Syrus.Every syllable.Tell him your passion for Antiphila;Tell him you wish to marry her, and tell him,Bacchis belongs to Clitipho.Clin.’Tis well,In reason, and may easily be done:And then besides you’d have me win my father,To keep it hid from your old gentleman.Syrus.No; rather to prevail on him, to goAnd tell him the whole truth immediately.Clin.How? are you mad? or drunk? You’ll be the ruinOf Clitipho: for how can he be safe?Eh, Sirrah!Syrus.That’s my master-piece: this plotIs my chief glory, and I’m proud to thinkI have such force, such power of cunning in me,As to be able to deceive them both,By speaking the plain truth: that when your fatherTells Chremes, Bacchis is his own son’s mistress,He sha’n’t believe it.Clin.But that way againYou blast my hopes of marriage: for while ChremesSupposes her my mistress, he’ll not grantHis daughter to me. You, perhaps, don’t care,So you provide for him, what comes of me.Syrus.Why, plague! d’ye think I’d have you counterfeitForever? but a day, to give me timeTo bubble Chremes of the money.—Peace!Not an hour more.Clin.Is that sufficient for you?But then, suppose his father find it out!Syrus.Suppose, as some folks say, the sky should fall!Clin.Still I’m afraid.Syrus.Afraid indeed, as ifIt was not in your pow’r, whene’er you pleas’d,To clear yourself, and tell the whole affair.Clin.Well, well, let Bacchis be brought over then!Syrus.Well said; and here she comes.
Clin.Henceforward, fate, do with me what thou wilt!
Such is my joy, so full and absolute,
I can not know vexation. From this hour
To you, my father, I resign myself,
Content to be more frugal than you wish!
Syrus(overhearing). ’Tis just as I suppos’d. The girl’s acknowledged;
His raptures speak it so.— (Going up.) I’m overjoyed
That things have happen’d to your wish.
Clin.O Syrus!
Have you then heard it too?
Syrus.Undoubtedly.
Syrus.I heard it? Aye:
I, who was present at the very time!
Clin.Was ever any thing so lucky?
Syrus.Nothing.
Clin.Now, Heav’n so help me, I rejoice at this
On her account much rather than my own,
Her, whom I know worthy the highest honors.
Syrus.No doubt on’t.—But now, Clinia, hold a while!
Give me a moment’s hearing in my turn.
For your friend’s business must be thought of now,
And well secur’d, lest our old gentleman
Suspect about the wench.
Clin.O Jupiter! (In raptures.)
Syrus.Peace! (Impatiently.)
Clin.My Antiphila shall be my wife.
Syrus.And will you interrupt me?
Clin.Oh, my Syrus,
What can I do! I’m overjoy’d. Bear with me.
Syrus.Troth so I do.
Clin.We’re happy, as the Gods.
Syrus.I lose my labor on you.
Clin.Speak; I hear.
Syrus.Aye, but you don’t attend.
Clin.I’m all attention.
Syrus.I say then, Clinia, that your friend’s affairs
Must be attended to, and well secur’d:
For if you now depart abruptly from us,
And leave the wench upon our hands, my master
Will instantly discover she belongs
To Clitipho. But if you take her off,
It will remain, as still it is, a secret.
Clin.But, Syrus, this is flatly opposite
To what I most devoutly wish, my marriage,
For with what face shall I accost my father?
D’ye understand me?
Syrus.Aye.
Clin.What can I say?
What reason can I give him?
Syrus.Tell no lie.
Speak the plain truth.
Clin.How?
Syrus.Every syllable.
Tell him your passion for Antiphila;
Tell him you wish to marry her, and tell him,
Bacchis belongs to Clitipho.
Clin.’Tis well,
In reason, and may easily be done:
And then besides you’d have me win my father,
To keep it hid from your old gentleman.
Syrus.No; rather to prevail on him, to go
And tell him the whole truth immediately.
Clin.How? are you mad? or drunk? You’ll be the ruin
Of Clitipho: for how can he be safe?
Eh, Sirrah!
Syrus.That’s my master-piece: this plot
Is my chief glory, and I’m proud to think
I have such force, such power of cunning in me,
As to be able to deceive them both,
By speaking the plain truth: that when your father
Tells Chremes, Bacchis is his own son’s mistress,
He sha’n’t believe it.
Clin.But that way again
You blast my hopes of marriage: for while Chremes
Supposes her my mistress, he’ll not grant
His daughter to me. You, perhaps, don’t care,
So you provide for him, what comes of me.
Syrus.Why, plague! d’ye think I’d have you counterfeit
Forever? but a day, to give me time
To bubble Chremes of the money.—Peace!
Not an hour more.
Clin.Is that sufficient for you?
But then, suppose his father find it out!
Syrus.Suppose, as some folks say, the sky should fall!
Clin.Still I’m afraid.
Syrus.Afraid indeed, as if
It was not in your pow’r, whene’er you pleas’d,
To clear yourself, and tell the whole affair.
Clin.Well, well, let Bacchis be brought over then!
Syrus.Well said; and here she comes.
EnterBacchis,Phrygia, etc., at another part of the stage.
Bacch.Upon my life,This Syrus with his golden promisesHas fool’d me hither charmingly! Ten minæHe gave me full assurance of: but ifHe now deceives me, come whene’er he will,Canting and fawning to allure me hither,It shall be all in vain; I will not stir.Or when I have agreed, and fix’d a time,Of which he shall have giv’n his master notice,And Clitipho is all agog with hope,I’ll fairly jilt them both, and not come near them;And master Syrus’ back shall smart for it.Clin.She promises you very fair.Syrus.D’ye thinkShe jests? She’ll do it, if I don’t take heed.Bacch.They sleep: i’ faith, I’ll rouse them. Hark ye, Phrygia,Did you observe the villa of Charinus,Which yonder fellow shew’d us?Phry.I did, Madam.Bacch.The next upon the right.Phry.I recollect.Didst note the villa of Charinus, whichThat fellow just now show’d us? (Aloud.)Phry.I did, Madam.Bacch.The next house on the right hand. (Aloud.)Phry.I remember.Bacch.Run thither quickly: for the Captain spendsThe Dionysia there. (Aloud.)Syrus(behind). What means she now?Bacch.Tell him I’m here; and sore against my will,Detain’d by force; but I’ll devise some meansDetain’d by force; but that I’ll find some meansTo slip away and come to him. (Aloud.)Syrus.Confusion!— (Comes forward.)Stay, Bacchis, Bacchis! where d’ye send that girl?Bid her stop!Bacch.Go! (ToPhrygia.)Syrus.The money’s ready for you.Bacch.Oh! then I stay.Syrus.You shall be paid directly.Syrus.The money’s ready.Bacch.ThenI stay. (Phrygiareturns.)Syrus.This instant you shall have it, Bacchis.Bacch.When you please; I don’t press you.Syrus.But d’ye knowWhat you’re to do?Bacch.Why, what?Syrus.You must go over,You and your equipage, to Menedemus.Bacch.What are you at now, sauce-box?Syrus.Coining moneyFor your use, Bacchis.Bacch.Do you think to playYour jests on me?Syrus.No; this is downright earnest.Bacch.Are you the person I’m to deal with?Syrus.No.But ’twill secure your money.But there I’ll pay the money.Bacch.Let us go then!Syrus.Follow her there.——Ho, Dromo!
Bacch.Upon my life,
This Syrus with his golden promises
Has fool’d me hither charmingly! Ten minæ
He gave me full assurance of: but if
He now deceives me, come whene’er he will,
Canting and fawning to allure me hither,
It shall be all in vain; I will not stir.
Or when I have agreed, and fix’d a time,
Of which he shall have giv’n his master notice,
And Clitipho is all agog with hope,
I’ll fairly jilt them both, and not come near them;
And master Syrus’ back shall smart for it.
Clin.She promises you very fair.Syrus.D’ye thinkShe jests? She’ll do it, if I don’t take heed.Bacch.They sleep: i’ faith, I’ll rouse them. Hark ye, Phrygia,Did you observe the villa of Charinus,Which yonder fellow shew’d us?Phry.I did, Madam.Bacch.The next upon the right.Phry.I recollect.Didst note the villa of Charinus, whichThat fellow just now show’d us? (Aloud.)Phry.I did, Madam.Bacch.The next house on the right hand. (Aloud.)Phry.I remember.Bacch.Run thither quickly: for the Captain spendsThe Dionysia there. (Aloud.)Syrus(behind). What means she now?Bacch.Tell him I’m here; and sore against my will,Detain’d by force; but I’ll devise some meansDetain’d by force; but that I’ll find some meansTo slip away and come to him. (Aloud.)Syrus.Confusion!— (Comes forward.)Stay, Bacchis, Bacchis! where d’ye send that girl?Bid her stop!Bacch.Go! (ToPhrygia.)Syrus.The money’s ready for you.Bacch.Oh! then I stay.Syrus.You shall be paid directly.Syrus.The money’s ready.Bacch.ThenI stay. (Phrygiareturns.)Syrus.This instant you shall have it, Bacchis.Bacch.When you please; I don’t press you.Syrus.But d’ye knowWhat you’re to do?Bacch.Why, what?Syrus.You must go over,You and your equipage, to Menedemus.Bacch.What are you at now, sauce-box?Syrus.Coining moneyFor your use, Bacchis.Bacch.Do you think to playYour jests on me?Syrus.No; this is downright earnest.Bacch.Are you the person I’m to deal with?Syrus.No.But ’twill secure your money.But there I’ll pay the money.Bacch.Let us go then!
Clin.She promises you very fair.
Syrus.D’ye think
She jests? She’ll do it, if I don’t take heed.
Bacch.They sleep: i’ faith, I’ll rouse them. Hark ye, Phrygia,
Did you observe the villa of Charinus,Which yonder fellow shew’d us?Phry.I did, Madam.Bacch.The next upon the right.Phry.I recollect.
Did you observe the villa of Charinus,
Which yonder fellow shew’d us?
Phry.I did, Madam.
Bacch.The next upon the right.
Phry.I recollect.
Didst note the villa of Charinus, which
That fellow just now show’d us? (Aloud.)
Phry.I did, Madam.
Bacch.The next house on the right hand. (Aloud.)
Phry.I remember.
Bacch.Run thither quickly: for the Captain spends
The Dionysia there. (Aloud.)
Syrus(behind). What means she now?
Bacch.Tell him I’m here; and sore against my will,
Detain’d by force; but I’ll devise some means
Detain’d by force; but that I’ll find some means
To slip away and come to him. (Aloud.)
Syrus.Confusion!— (Comes forward.)
Stay, Bacchis, Bacchis! where d’ye send that girl?
Bid her stop!
Bacch.Go! (ToPhrygia.)
Syrus.The money’s ready for you.Bacch.Oh! then I stay.Syrus.You shall be paid directly.
Syrus.The money’s ready for you.
Bacch.Oh! then I stay.
Syrus.You shall be paid directly.
Syrus.The money’s ready.
Bacch.Then
I stay. (Phrygiareturns.)
Syrus.This instant you shall have it, Bacchis.
Bacch.When you please; I don’t press you.
Syrus.But d’ye know
What you’re to do?
Bacch.Why, what?
Syrus.You must go over,
You and your equipage, to Menedemus.
Bacch.What are you at now, sauce-box?
Syrus.Coining money
For your use, Bacchis.
Bacch.Do you think to play
Your jests on me?
Syrus.No; this is downright earnest.
Bacch.Are you the person I’m to deal with?
Syrus.No.
But ’twill secure your money.
But there I’ll pay the money.
Bacch.Let us go then!
Syrus.Follow her there.——Ho, Dromo!
EnterDromo.
Dromo.Who calls?Syrus.Syrus.Dromo.Your pleasure! What’s the matter now?Syrus.ConductAll Bacchis’ maids to your house instantly.Dromo.Why so?Syrus.No questions: let them carry overAll they brought hither. Our old gentlemanWill think himself reliev’d from much expenseBy their departure. Troth, he little knowsWith how much loss this small gain threatens him.If you’re wise, Dromo, know not what you know.Dromo.I’m dumb.ExitDromo, withBacchis’ servants and baggage, into the house ofMenedemus.
Dromo.Who calls?
Syrus.Syrus.
Dromo.Your pleasure! What’s the matter now?
Syrus.Conduct
All Bacchis’ maids to your house instantly.
Dromo.Why so?
Syrus.No questions: let them carry over
All they brought hither. Our old gentleman
Will think himself reliev’d from much expense
By their departure. Troth, he little knows
With how much loss this small gain threatens him.
If you’re wise, Dromo, know not what you know.
Dromo.I’m dumb.
ExitDromo, withBacchis’ servants and baggage, into the house ofMenedemus.
After which, enterChremes.
Chrem.(to himself). ’Fore Heav’n, I pity Menedemus.His case is lamentable: to maintainThat jade and all her harlot family!Although I know for some few days to comeHe will not feel it; so exceedinglyHe long’d to have his son: but when he seesSuch monstrous household riot and expenseContinue daily, without end or measure,He’ll wish his son away from him again.But yonder’s Syrus in good time. (SeeingSyrus.)Syrus.I’ll to him. (Aside.)Chrem.Syrus!Syrus.Who’s there? (Turning about.)Chrem.What now?Syrus.The very man!I have been wishing for you this long time.Chrem.You seem to’ve been at work with Menedemus.Chrem.You seem to’ve been at work with the old man.Syrus.What! at our plot? No sooner said than done.Chrem.Indeed!Syrus.Indeed.Chrem.I can’t forbear to strokeYour head for it. Good lad! come nearer, Syrus!I’ll do thee some good turn for this. I will,I promise you. (Patting his head.)Syrus.Ah, if you did but knowHow luckily it came into my head!Chrem.Pshaw, are you vain of your good luck?Syrus.Not I.I speak the plain truth.Chrem.Let me know it then.Syrus.Clinia has told his father that the wenchIs mistress to your Clitipho; and thatHe brought her over with him to their house,To hinder your detecting it.Chrem.Good! good!Syrus.D’ye think so?Chrem.Charming!He brought her with him hither, to preventYour smoking it.Chrem.Incomparable!Syrus.Really?Chrem.O, admirable!Syrus.Aye, if you knew all.But only hear the rest of our device.But only hear the rest of our advice.He’ll tell his father he has seen your daughter,Whose beauty has so charm’d him at first sight,He longs to marry her.Chrem.Antiphila?Syrus.The same: and he’ll request him to demand herOf you in marriage.Chrem.To what purpose, Syrus?I don’t conceive the drift on’t.Syrus.No! you’re slow.Chrem.Perhaps so.Syrus.Menedemus instantlyWill furnish him with money for the wedding,To buy——d’ye take me?Chrem.Clothes and jewels.Syrus.Aye.Chrem.But I will neither marry, nor betrothMy daughter to him.Syrus.No? Why?Chrem.Why!—is thatA question? to a wretch!——Syrus.Well, as you please.I never meant that he should marry her,But only to pretend——Chrem.I hate pretense.Plot as you please, but do not render meAn engine in your rogueries. Shall IContract my daughter, where I never canConsent to marry her?Syrus.I fancied so.Chrem.Not I.Syrus.It might be done most dextrously:And, in obedience to your strict commands,I undertook this business.Chrem.I believe it.Syrus.However, Sir, I meant it well.Chrem.Nay, nay,Do’t by all means, and spare no trouble in’t;But bring your scheme to bear some other way.Syrus.It shall be done: I’ll think upon some other.—But then the money which I mention’d to you,Owing to Bacchis by Antiphila,Must be repaid her: and you will not nowAttempt to shift the matter off; or say,“—What is’t to me? was I the borrower?Did I command it? Could she pledge my daughterAgainst my will?”—These pleas you cannot urge;Against my will?”——You can say none of this;For ’tis a common saying, and a true,That strictest law is oft the highest wrong.Chrem.I mean not to evade it.Syrus.No, I’ll warrant.Nay you, though others did, could never think on’t;For all the world imagines you’ve acquir’dA fair and handsome fortune.Chrem.I will carryThe money to her instantly myself.Syrus.No; rather send it by your son.Chrem.Why so!Syrus.Because he acts the part of her gallant.Chrem.What then?Syrus.Why then ’twill seem more probable,If he presents it: I too shall effectMy scheme more easily.—And here he is.——In, Sir, and fetch the money out.Chrem.I will.ExitChremes.
Chrem.(to himself). ’Fore Heav’n, I pity Menedemus.
His case is lamentable: to maintain
That jade and all her harlot family!
Although I know for some few days to come
He will not feel it; so exceedingly
He long’d to have his son: but when he sees
Such monstrous household riot and expense
Continue daily, without end or measure,
He’ll wish his son away from him again.
But yonder’s Syrus in good time. (SeeingSyrus.)
Syrus.I’ll to him. (Aside.)
Chrem.Syrus!
Syrus.Who’s there? (Turning about.)
Chrem.What now?
Syrus.The very man!I have been wishing for you this long time.Chrem.You seem to’ve been at work with Menedemus.Chrem.You seem to’ve been at work with the old man.Syrus.What! at our plot? No sooner said than done.Chrem.Indeed!Syrus.Indeed.Chrem.I can’t forbear to strokeYour head for it. Good lad! come nearer, Syrus!I’ll do thee some good turn for this. I will,I promise you. (Patting his head.)Syrus.Ah, if you did but knowHow luckily it came into my head!Chrem.Pshaw, are you vain of your good luck?Syrus.Not I.I speak the plain truth.Chrem.Let me know it then.Syrus.Clinia has told his father that the wenchIs mistress to your Clitipho; and thatHe brought her over with him to their house,To hinder your detecting it.Chrem.Good! good!Syrus.D’ye think so?Chrem.Charming!He brought her with him hither, to preventYour smoking it.Chrem.Incomparable!Syrus.Really?Chrem.O, admirable!Syrus.Aye, if you knew all.But only hear the rest of our device.But only hear the rest of our advice.He’ll tell his father he has seen your daughter,Whose beauty has so charm’d him at first sight,He longs to marry her.Chrem.Antiphila?
Syrus.The very man!
I have been wishing for you this long time.
Chrem.You seem to’ve been at work with Menedemus.
Chrem.You seem to’ve been at work with the old man.
Syrus.What! at our plot? No sooner said than done.
Chrem.Indeed!
Syrus.Indeed.
Chrem.I can’t forbear to stroke
Your head for it. Good lad! come nearer, Syrus!
I’ll do thee some good turn for this. I will,
I promise you. (Patting his head.)
Syrus.Ah, if you did but know
How luckily it came into my head!
Chrem.Pshaw, are you vain of your good luck?
Syrus.Not I.
I speak the plain truth.
Chrem.Let me know it then.
Syrus.Clinia has told his father that the wench
Is mistress to your Clitipho; and that
He brought her over with him to their house,To hinder your detecting it.Chrem.Good! good!Syrus.D’ye think so?Chrem.Charming!
He brought her over with him to their house,
To hinder your detecting it.
Chrem.Good! good!
Syrus.D’ye think so?
Chrem.Charming!
He brought her with him hither, to prevent
Your smoking it.
Chrem.Incomparable!
Syrus.Really?
Chrem.O, admirable!
Syrus.Aye, if you knew all.
But only hear the rest of our device.
But only hear the rest of our advice.
He’ll tell his father he has seen your daughter,
Whose beauty has so charm’d him at first sight,
He longs to marry her.
Chrem.Antiphila?
Syrus.The same: and he’ll request him to demand her
Of you in marriage.
Chrem.To what purpose, Syrus?
I don’t conceive the drift on’t.
Syrus.No! you’re slow.
Chrem.Perhaps so.
Syrus.Menedemus instantly
Will furnish him with money for the wedding,
To buy——d’ye take me?
Chrem.Clothes and jewels.
Syrus.Aye.
Chrem.But I will neither marry, nor betroth
My daughter to him.
Syrus.No? Why?
Chrem.Why!—is that
A question? to a wretch!——
Syrus.Well, as you please.
I never meant that he should marry her,
But only to pretend——
Chrem.I hate pretense.
Plot as you please, but do not render me
An engine in your rogueries. Shall I
Contract my daughter, where I never can
Consent to marry her?
Syrus.I fancied so.
Chrem.Not I.
Syrus.It might be done most dextrously:
And, in obedience to your strict commands,
I undertook this business.
Chrem.I believe it.
Syrus.However, Sir, I meant it well.
Chrem.Nay, nay,
Do’t by all means, and spare no trouble in’t;
But bring your scheme to bear some other way.
Syrus.It shall be done: I’ll think upon some other.—But then the money which I mention’d to you,Owing to Bacchis by Antiphila,Must be repaid her: and you will not nowAttempt to shift the matter off; or say,“—What is’t to me? was I the borrower?Did I command it? Could she pledge my daughterAgainst my will?”—These pleas you cannot urge;Against my will?”——You can say none of this;For ’tis a common saying, and a true,That strictest law is oft the highest wrong.Chrem.I mean not to evade it.Syrus.No, I’ll warrant.Nay you, though others did, could never think on’t;For all the world imagines you’ve acquir’dA fair and handsome fortune.
Syrus.It shall be done: I’ll think upon some other.
—But then the money which I mention’d to you,
Owing to Bacchis by Antiphila,
Must be repaid her: and you will not now
Attempt to shift the matter off; or say,
“—What is’t to me? was I the borrower?
Did I command it? Could she pledge my daughter
Against my will?”—These pleas you cannot urge;
Against my will?”——You can say none of this;
For ’tis a common saying, and a true,
That strictest law is oft the highest wrong.
Chrem.I mean not to evade it.
Syrus.No, I’ll warrant.
Nay you, though others did, could never think on’t;
For all the world imagines you’ve acquir’d
A fair and handsome fortune.
Chrem.I will carry
The money to her instantly myself.
Syrus.No; rather send it by your son.
Chrem.Why so!
Syrus.Because he acts the part of her gallant.
Chrem.What then?
Syrus.Why then ’twill seem more probable,
If he presents it: I too shall effect
My scheme more easily.—And here he is.——
In, Sir, and fetch the money out.
Chrem.I will.
ExitChremes.
EnterClitipho.
Clit.(to himself). Nothing so easy in itself, but whenPerform’d against one’s will, grows difficult.This little walk how easy! yet how faintAnd weary it has made me!—and I fearLest I be still excluded, and forbidTo come near Bacchis. (SeeingSyrus.)—Now all powers above.Confound you, Syrus, for the trick you play’d me!That brain of yours is evermore contrivingSome villainy to torture me withal.Syrus.Away, you malapert! Your frowardnessHad well-nigh been my ruin.Clit.Would it had!For you deserv’d it richly.Syrus.How! deserv’d it?I’faith I’m glad I heard you say so muchBefore you touch’d the cash, that I was justAbout to give you.Syrus.Away, you malapert! Your frowardnessHad well-nigh ruin’d me.Clit.I would it had,As you deserv’d!Syrus.As I deserv’d!—How’s that?——Before you touch’d the cash, that I was justAbout to give you.Clit.Why, what can I say?You went away; came back, beyond my hopes,And brought my mistress with you; then againForbade my touching her.Syrus.Well, well, I can’tBe peevish with you now—But do you knowWhere Bacchis is?Clit.At our house.Syrus.No.Clit.Where then?Syrus.At Clinia’s.Clit.Then I’m ruin’d.Syrus.Courage, man!You shall go to her instantly, and carryThe money that you promis’d her.Clit.Fine talk!Where should I get it?Syrus.From your father.Clit.Pshaw!You play upon me.Syrus.The event shall show.Clit.Then I am bless’d indeed. Thanks, thanks, dear Syrus!Syrus.Hist! here’s your father.—Have a care! don’t seemSurpris’d at any thing: give way in all:Do as he bids, and say but little. Mum!
Clit.(to himself). Nothing so easy in itself, but when
Perform’d against one’s will, grows difficult.
This little walk how easy! yet how faint
And weary it has made me!—and I fear
Lest I be still excluded, and forbid
To come near Bacchis. (SeeingSyrus.)—Now all powers above.
Confound you, Syrus, for the trick you play’d me!
That brain of yours is evermore contriving
Some villainy to torture me withal.
Syrus.Away, you malapert! Your frowardnessHad well-nigh been my ruin.Clit.Would it had!For you deserv’d it richly.Syrus.How! deserv’d it?I’faith I’m glad I heard you say so muchBefore you touch’d the cash, that I was justAbout to give you.Syrus.Away, you malapert! Your frowardnessHad well-nigh ruin’d me.Clit.I would it had,As you deserv’d!Syrus.As I deserv’d!—How’s that?——Before you touch’d the cash, that I was justAbout to give you.Clit.Why, what can I say?You went away; came back, beyond my hopes,And brought my mistress with you; then againForbade my touching her.
Syrus.Away, you malapert! Your frowardnessHad well-nigh been my ruin.Clit.Would it had!For you deserv’d it richly.Syrus.How! deserv’d it?I’faith I’m glad I heard you say so muchBefore you touch’d the cash, that I was justAbout to give you.
Syrus.Away, you malapert! Your frowardness
Had well-nigh been my ruin.
Clit.Would it had!
For you deserv’d it richly.
Syrus.How! deserv’d it?
I’faith I’m glad I heard you say so much
Before you touch’d the cash, that I was just
About to give you.
Syrus.Away, you malapert! Your frowardness
Had well-nigh ruin’d me.
Clit.I would it had,
As you deserv’d!
Syrus.As I deserv’d!—How’s that?——
Before you touch’d the cash, that I was just
About to give you.
Clit.Why, what can I say?
You went away; came back, beyond my hopes,
And brought my mistress with you; then again
Forbade my touching her.
Syrus.Well, well, I can’t
Be peevish with you now—But do you know
Where Bacchis is?
Clit.At our house.
Syrus.No.
Clit.Where then?
Syrus.At Clinia’s.
Clit.Then I’m ruin’d.
Syrus.Courage, man!
You shall go to her instantly, and carry
The money that you promis’d her.
Clit.Fine talk!
Where should I get it?
Syrus.From your father.
Clit.Pshaw!
You play upon me.
Syrus.The event shall show.
Clit.Then I am bless’d indeed. Thanks, thanks, dear Syrus!
Syrus.Hist! here’s your father.—Have a care! don’t seem
Surpris’d at any thing: give way in all:
Do as he bids, and say but little. Mum!
EnterChremes.