Micio.I’ll go and let the women know we’re ready.Dem.But here he is.—I have long sought you, Micio.Micio.What now?Dem.I bring you more offenses: great ones;Of that sweet youth——Micio.See there!Dem.New; capital!Micio.Nay, nay, no more!Dem.Ah, you don’t know——Micio.I do.Dem.O fool, you think I mean the Music-Girl.This is a rape upon a citizen.Micio.I know it.Dem.How? d’ye know it, and endure it?Micio.Why not endure it?Dem.Tell me, don’t you rave?Don’t you go mad?Micio.No: to be sure I’d rather——Dem.There’s a child born.Micio.Heav’n bless it!Dem.And the girlHas nothing.Micio.I have heard so.Dem.And is heTo marry her without a fortune?Micio.Aye.Dem.What’s to be done then?Micio.What the case requires.The girl shall be brought over here.Dem.Oh Jove!Can that be proper?Micio.What can I do else?Dem.What can you do!—If you’re not really griev’d,It were at least your duty to appear so.Micio.I have contracted the young woman to him:The thing is settled: ’tis their wedding-day:And all their apprehensions I’ve remov’d.This is still more my duty.Dem.Are you pleas’d thenWith this adventure, Micio?Micio.Not at all,If I could help it: now ’tis past all cure,I bear it patiently. The life of manIs like a game at tables. If the castWhich is most necessary be not thrown,That which chance sends you must correct by art.Dem.Oh rareCorrector!—By yourartno lessThan twenty minæ have been thrown awayOn yonder Music-wench; who out of hand,Must be sent packing; if no buyer, gratis.Micio.Not in the least; nor do I mean to sell her.Dem.What will you do, then?Micio.Keep her in my house.Dem.Oh Heav’n and earth! a harlot and a wifeIn the same house!Micio.Why not?Dem.Have you your wits?Micio.Truly I think so.Dem.Now, so help me Heav’n,Seeing your folly, I believe you keep herTo sing with you.Micio.Why not?Dem.And the young brideShall be her pupil?Micio.To be sure.Dem.And youDance hand in hand with them?Micio.Aye.Dem.Aye?Micio.And youMake one among us too upon occasion.Dem.Ah! are you not asham’d on’t?Micio.Patience, Demea!Lay by your wrath, and seem, as it becomes you,Cheerful and free of heart at your son’s wedding.—I’ll go and warn the bride and Sostrata,—I’ll but speak with the bride and Sostrata,And then return to you immediately.Exit.SCENE X.Demeaalone.Jove, what a life! what manners! what distraction!A bride just coming home without a portion;A Music-Girl already there in keeping:A house of waste; the youth a libertine;Th’ old man a dotard!—’Tis not in the pow’rOf Providence herself, howe’er desirous,To save from ruin such a family.SCENE XI.Enter at a distanceSyrus, drunk.Syrus.(to himself). Faith, little Syrus, you’ve ta’en special careOf your sweet self, and play’d your part most rarely.—Well, go your ways:—but having had my fillOf ev’ry thing within, I’ve now march’d forthTo take a turn or two abroad.Dem.(behind). Look there!A pattern of instruction!Syrus.(seeing him). But see there:Yonder’s old Demea. (Going up to him.) What’s the matter now?And why so melancholy?Dem.Oh thou villain!Syrus.What! are you spouting sentences, old wisdom?Dem.Were you my servant——Syrus.You’d be plaguy rich,And settle your affairs most wonderfully.Dem.I’d make you an example.Syrus.Why? for what?Dem.Why, Sirrah?—In the midst of the disturbance,And in the heat of a most heavy crime,While all is yet confusion, you’ve got drunk,As if for joy, you rascal!Syrus.Why the plagueDid not I keep within? (Aside.)SCENE XII.EnterDromo, hastily.Dromo.Here! hark ye, Syrus!Ctesipho begs that you’d come back.Syrus.Away! (Pushes him off.)Dem.What’s this he says of Ctesipho?Syrus.Pshaw! nothing.Dem.How! dog, is Ctesipho within?Syrus.Not he.Dem.Why does he name him then?Syrus.It is another.Of the same name—a little parasite——D’ye know him?Dem.But I will immediately. (Going.)Syrus.(stopping him). What now? where now?Dem.Let me alone.Syrus.Don’t go!Struggling.Dem.Hands off! what won’t you? must I brain you, rascal?Disengages himself fromSyrus, and Exit.SCENE XIII.Syrusalone.He’s gone—gone in—and faith no welcome roarer———Especially to Ctesipho.—But whatCan I do now; unless, till this blows over,I sneak into some corner, and sleep offThis wine that lies upon my head?—I’ll do’t.Exit reeling.SCENE XIV.EnterMiciofromSostrata.Micio.(toSostratawithin).All is prepar’d: and we are ready, Sostrata,As I have already told you, when you please. (Comes forward.)But who’s this forces open our street doorWith so much violence?EnterDemeaon t’other side.Dem.Confusion! death!What shall I do? or how resolve? where ventMy cries and exclamations? Heav’n! Earth! Sea!Micio(behind.) So! all’s discover’d: that’s the thing he raves at.—Now for a quarrel!—I must help the boy.Dem.(seeing him.) Oh, there’s the grand corrupter of our children!Micio.Appease your wrath, and be yourself again!Dem.Well, I’ve appeas’d it; I’m myself again;I spare reproaches; let us to the point!It was agreed between us, and it wasYour own proposal too, that you should neverConcern yourself with Ctesipho, nor IWith Æschinus. Say, was’t not so?Micio.It was.I don’t deny it.Dem.Why does CtesiphoRevel with you then? Why do you receive him?Buy him a mistress, Micio?—Is not justiceMy due from you, as well as yours from me?Since I do not concern myself with yours,Meddle not you with mine!Micio.This is not fair;Indeed it is not. Think on the old saying,“All things are common among friends.”Dem.How smart!Put off with quips and sentences at last!Micio.Nay, hear me, if you can have patience, Demea.—First, if you’re griev’d at their extravagance,Let this reflection calm you! Formerly,You bred them both according to your fortune,Supposing it sufficient for them both:Then too you thought that I should take a wife.Still follow the old rule you then laid down:Hoard, scrape, and save; do ev’ry thing you canTo leave them nobly! Be that glory yours.My fortune, fall’n beyond their hopes upon them,Let them use freely! As your capitalWill not be wasted, what addition comesFrom mine, consider as clear gain: and thus,Weighing all this impartially, you’ll spareYourself, and me, and them, a world of trouble.Dem.Money is not the thing: their morals——Micio.Hold!I understand; and meant to speak of that.There are in nature sundry marks, good Demea,By which you may conjecture of men’s minds;And when two persons do the self-same thing,May oftentimes pronounce, that in the one’Tis dangerous, in t’other ’tis not so:By which you may conjecture easily,That when two persons do the self-same thing,It oftentimes falls out that in the one’Tis criminal, in t’other ’tis not so:Not that the thing itself is different,But he who does it.—In these youths I seeThe marks of virtue; and, I trust, they’ll proveSuch as we wish them. They have sense, I know;Attention; in its season, liberal shame;And fondness for each other; all sure signsOf an ingenuous mind and noble nature:And though they stray, you may at any timeReclaim them.—But perhaps you fear they’ll proveToo inattentive to their interest.Oh my dear Demea, in all matters elseIncrease of years increases wisdom in us:This only vice age brings along with it;“We’re all more worldly-minded than there’s need:”Which passion age, that kills all passions else,Will ripen in your sons too.Dem.Have a careThat these fine arguments and this great mildnessDon’t prove the ruin of us, Micio.Micio.Peace!It shall not be: away with all your fears!This day be rul’d by me: come, smooth your brow.Dem.Well, since at present things are so, I must,But then I’ll to the country with my sonTo-morrow, at first peep of day.Micio.At midnight,So you’ll but smile to-day.Dem.And that wench tooI’ll drag away with me.Micio.Aye; there you’ve hit it.For by that means you’ll keep your son at home;Do but secure her.Dem.I’ll see that: for thereI’ll put her in the kitchen and the mill,And make her full of ashes, smoke, and meal:Nay at high noon too she shall gather stubble.I’ll burn her up, and make her black as coal.Micio.Right! now you’re wise.—And then I’d make my sonGo to bed to her, though against his will.Dem.D’ye laugh at me? how happy in your temper!I feel——Micio.Ah! that again?Dem.I’ve done.Micio.In then!And let us suit our humor to the time.Exeunt.ACT THE FIFTH.SCENE I.Demeaalone.Never did man lay down so fair a plan,So wise a rule of life, but fortune, age,Or long experience made some change in it;And taught him that those things he thought he knewHe did not know, and what he held as best,In practice he threw by. The very thingThat happens to myself. For that hard lifeWhich I have ever led, my race near run,Now in the last stage, I renounce: and why?But that by dear experience I’ve been told,There’s nothing so advantages a manAs mildness and complacency. Of thisMy brother and myself are living proofs:He always led an easy, cheerful life;Good-humor’d, mild, offending nobody,Smiling on all; a jovial bachelor,His whole expenses centred in himself.I, on the contrary, rough, rigid, cross,Saving, morose, and thrifty, took a wife:—What miseries did marriage bring!—had children;—A new uneasiness!—and then besides,Striving all ways to make a fortune for them,I have worn out my prime of life and health:And now, my course near finish’d, what returnDo I receive for all my toil? Their hate.Meanwhile my brother, without any care,Reaps all a father’s comforts. Him they love,Me they avoid: to him they open allTheir secret counsels; doat on him; and bothRepair to him; while I am quite forsaken.His life they pray for, but expect my death.Thus those, brought up by my exceeding labor,He, at a small expense, has made his own:The care all mine, and all the pleasure his.—Well then, let me endeavor in my turnTo teach my tongue civility, to giveWith open-handed generosity,Since I am challeng’d to’t!—and let me tooObtain the love and reverence of my children!And if ’tis bought by bounty and indulgence,I will not be behind-hand.—Cash will fail:What’s that to me, who am the eldest born?SCENE II.EnterSyrus.Syrus.Oh Sir! your brother has dispatch’d me to youTo beg you’d not go further off.Dem.Who’s there?——What, honest Syrus! save you: how is’t with you?How goes it?Syrus.Very well, Sir.Dem.(aside.) Excellent!Now for the first time, I, against my nature,Have added these three phrases, “Honest Syrus!——How is’t?—How goes it?”— (ToSyrus.) You have prov’d yourselfA worthy servant. I’ll reward you for it.Syrus.I thank you, Sir.Dem.I will, I promise you;And you shall be convinc’d on’t very soon.SCENE III.EnterGeta.Geta(toSostratawithin). Madam, I’m going to look after them,That they may call the bride immediately.—But here is Demea. Save you!Dem.Oh! your name?Geta.Geta, Sir.Dem.Geta, I this day have found youTo be a fellow of uncommon worth:For sure that servant’s faith is well approv’dWho holds his master’s interest at heart,As I perceiv’d that you did, Geta! wherefore,Soon as occasion offers, I’ll reward you.—I am endeavoring to be affable,And not without success. (Aside.)Geta.’Tis kind in youTo think of your poor slave, Sir.Dem.(aside.) First of allI court the mob, and win them by degrees.SCENE IV.EnterÆschinus.Æsch.They murder me with their delays; and whileThey lavish all this pomp upon the nuptials,They waste the livelong day in preparation.Dem.How does my son?Æsch.My father! are you here?Dem.Aye, by affection, and by blood your father,Who love you better than my eyes.—But whyDo you not call the bride?Æsch.’Tis what I long for:But wait the music and the singers.Dem.Pshaw!Will you for once be rul’d by an old fellow?Æsch.Well?Dem.Ne’er mind singers, company, lights, music;But tell them to throw down the garden-wall,As soon as possible. Convey the brideThat way, and lay both houses into one.Bring too the mother, and whole family,Over to us.Æsch.I will. O charming father!Dem.(aside).Charming!See there! he calls mecharmingnow.—My brother’s house will be a thoroughfare;Throng’d with whole crowds of people; much expenseWill follow; very much: what’s that to me?I am call’dcharming, and get into favor.—Ho! order Babylo immediatelyTo pay him twenty minæ.—Prithee, Syrus,Why don’t you execute your orders?Syrus.What?Dem.Down with the wall!— (ExitSyrus.) You, Geta, go and bringThe ladies over.Geta.Heaven bless you, Demea,For all your friendship to our family!ExitGeta.Dem.They’re worthy of it.—What say you to this?ToÆschinus.Æsch.I think it admirable.Dem.’Tis much betterThan for a poor soul, sick, and lying-in,To be conducted through the street.Æsch.I neverSaw any thing concerted better, Sir.Dem.’Tis just my way.—But here comes Micio.SCENE V.EnterMicio.Micio(at entering.) My brother order it, d’ye say? where is he?—Was this your order, Demea?Dem.’Twas my order:And by this means, and every other way,I would unite, serve, cherish, and oblige,And join the family to ours!Æsch.Pray do, Sir! (ToMicio.)Micio.I don’t oppose it.Dem.Nay, but ’tis our duty.First, there’s the mother of the bride——Micio.What then?Dem.Worthy and modest.Micio.So they say.Dem.In years.Micio.True.Dem.And so far advanc’d, that she is longPast child-bearing, a poor lone woman too,With none to comfort her.Micio.What means all this?Dem.This woman ’tis your place to marry, brother;—And yours (toÆschinus) to bring him to’t.Micio.I marry her?Dem.You.Micio.I?Dem.Yes, you I say.Micio.Ridiculous!Dem.(toÆschinus). If you’re a man, he’ll do’t.Æsch.(toMicio). Dear father!Micio.How!Do you then join him, fool?Dem.Nay, don’t deny.It can’t be otherwise.Micio.You’ve lost your senses!Æsch.Let me prevail upon you, Sir!Micio.You’re mad.Away!Dem.Oblige your son.Micio.Have you your wits?I a new married man at sixty-five!And marry a decrepit poor old woman!Is that what you advise me!Æsch.Do it, Sir!I’ve promis’d them.Micio.You’ve promis’d them, indeed!Prithee, boy, promise for yourself.Dem.Come, come!What if he ask’d still more of you?Micio.As ifThis was not ev’n the utmost.Dem.Nay, comply!Æsch.Be not obdurate!Dem.Come, come, promise him.Micio.Won’t you desist?Æsch.No, not till I prevail.Micio.This is mere force.Dem.Nay, nay, comply, good Micio!Micio.Though this appears to me absurd, wrong, foolish,And quite repugnant to my scheme of life,Yet, if you’re so much bent on’t, let it be!Æsch.Obliging father, worthy my best love!Dem.(aside). What now?—This answers to my wish.—What more?—Hegio’s their kinsman (toMicio), our relation too,And very poor. We should do him some service.Micio.Do what?Dem.There is a little piece of ground,Which you let out near town. Let’s give it himTo live upon.Micio.So little, do you call it?Dem.Well, if ’tis large, let’s give it. He has beenA father to the bride; a worthy man;Our kinsman too. It will be well bestow’d.In short, that saying I now make my own,Which you but now so wisely quoted, Micio;“It is the common failing of old menTo be too much intent on worldly matters.”Let us wipe off that stain. The saying’s true,And worthy notice.Dem.Well, if ’tis large, let’s give it. He has beenFather to her; a good man; our relation.It will be given worthily. In short,That saying, Micio, I now make my own,Which you so lately and so wisely quoted;“It is the common failing of old menTo be too much intent on worldly matters.”Let us wipe off that stain. The saying’s true,And should be practic’d.Micio.Well, well; be it so,If he requires it. (Pointing toÆschinus.)Æsch.I beseech it, father.Dem.Now you’re indeed my brother, soul and body.Micio.I’m glad to find you think me so.Dem.I foil himAt his own weapons. (Aside.)SCENE VI.To themSyrus.Syrus.I have executedYour orders, Demea.Dem.A good fellow!——TrulySyrus, I think, should be made free to-day.Micio.Made free! He!——Wherefore?Dem.Oh, for many reasons.Syrus.Oh Demea, you’re a noble gentleman.I’ve taken care of both your sons from boys;Taught them, instructed them, and given themThe wholesomest advice that I was able.Dem.The thing’s apparent: and these offices,To cater;—bring a wench in, safe and snug;—Or in mid-day prepare an entertainment;——All these are talents of no common man.Syrus.Oh most delightful gentleman!Dem.Besides,He has been instrumental too this dayIn purchasing the Music-Girl. He manag’dThe whole affair. We should reward him for it.It will encourage others.—In a word,Your Æschinus would have it so.Micio.Do youDesire it?Æsch.Yes, Sir.Micio.Well, if you desire it——Come hither, Syrus!—Be thou free! (Syruskneels;Miciostrikes him, being the ceremony of manumission, or giving a slave his freedom.)Syrus.I thank you:Thanks to you all; but most of all, to Demea!Dem.I’m glad of your good fortune.Æsch.So am I.Syrus.I do believe it; and I wish this joyWere quite complete, and I might see my wife,My Phrygia too, made free, as well as I.Dem.The very best of women!Syrus.And the firstThat suckled my young master’s son, your grandson.Dem.Indeed! the first who suckled him!—Nay then,Beyond all doubt, she should be free.Micio.For what?Dem.For that. Nay, take the sum, whate’er it be,Of me.Syrus.Now all the powers above grant allYour wishes, Demea!Micio.You have thriv’d to-dayMost rarely, Syrus.Dem.And besides this, Micio,It would be handsome to advance him somethingTo try his fortune with. He’ll soon return it.Micio.Not that. (Snapping his fingers.)Æsch.He’s honest.Syrus.Faith I will return it.Do but advance it.Æsch.Do, Sir!Micio.Well, I’ll think on’t.Dem.I’ll see that he shall do’t. (ToSyrus.)Syrus.Thou best of men!Æsch.My most indulgent father!Micio.What means this?Whence comes this hasty change of manners, brother?Whence flows all this extravagance? and whenceThis sudden prodigality?Dem.I’ll tell you:To show you, that the reason why our sonsThink you so pleasant and agreeable,Is not from your deserts, or truth, or justice,But your compliance, bounty, and indulgence.—Now, therefore, if I’m odious to you, son,Because I’m not subservient to your humorIn all things, right or wrong; away with care!Spend, squander, and do what you will!—but if,In those affairs where youth has made you blind,Eager, and thoughtless, you will suffer meTo counsel and correct—and in due seasonIndulge you—I am at your service.Æsch.Father,In all things we submit ourselves to you.What’s fit and proper, you know best.—But whatShall come of my poor brother?Dem.I consentThat he shall have her: let him finish there.Æsch.All now is as it should be.— (To the audience.) Clap your hands!
Micio.I’ll go and let the women know we’re ready.Dem.But here he is.—I have long sought you, Micio.Micio.What now?Dem.I bring you more offenses: great ones;Of that sweet youth——Micio.See there!Dem.New; capital!Micio.Nay, nay, no more!Dem.Ah, you don’t know——Micio.I do.Dem.O fool, you think I mean the Music-Girl.This is a rape upon a citizen.Micio.I know it.Dem.How? d’ye know it, and endure it?Micio.Why not endure it?Dem.Tell me, don’t you rave?Don’t you go mad?Micio.No: to be sure I’d rather——Dem.There’s a child born.Micio.Heav’n bless it!Dem.And the girlHas nothing.Micio.I have heard so.Dem.And is heTo marry her without a fortune?Micio.Aye.Dem.What’s to be done then?Micio.What the case requires.The girl shall be brought over here.Dem.Oh Jove!Can that be proper?Micio.What can I do else?Dem.What can you do!—If you’re not really griev’d,It were at least your duty to appear so.Micio.I have contracted the young woman to him:The thing is settled: ’tis their wedding-day:And all their apprehensions I’ve remov’d.This is still more my duty.Dem.Are you pleas’d thenWith this adventure, Micio?Micio.Not at all,If I could help it: now ’tis past all cure,I bear it patiently. The life of manIs like a game at tables. If the castWhich is most necessary be not thrown,That which chance sends you must correct by art.Dem.Oh rareCorrector!—By yourartno lessThan twenty minæ have been thrown awayOn yonder Music-wench; who out of hand,Must be sent packing; if no buyer, gratis.Micio.Not in the least; nor do I mean to sell her.Dem.What will you do, then?Micio.Keep her in my house.Dem.Oh Heav’n and earth! a harlot and a wifeIn the same house!Micio.Why not?Dem.Have you your wits?Micio.Truly I think so.Dem.Now, so help me Heav’n,Seeing your folly, I believe you keep herTo sing with you.Micio.Why not?Dem.And the young brideShall be her pupil?Micio.To be sure.Dem.And youDance hand in hand with them?Micio.Aye.Dem.Aye?Micio.And youMake one among us too upon occasion.Dem.Ah! are you not asham’d on’t?Micio.Patience, Demea!Lay by your wrath, and seem, as it becomes you,Cheerful and free of heart at your son’s wedding.—I’ll go and warn the bride and Sostrata,—I’ll but speak with the bride and Sostrata,And then return to you immediately.Exit.
Micio.I’ll go and let the women know we’re ready.
Dem.But here he is.—I have long sought you, Micio.
Micio.What now?
Dem.I bring you more offenses: great ones;
Of that sweet youth——
Micio.See there!
Dem.New; capital!
Micio.Nay, nay, no more!
Dem.Ah, you don’t know——
Micio.I do.
Dem.O fool, you think I mean the Music-Girl.
This is a rape upon a citizen.
Micio.I know it.
Dem.How? d’ye know it, and endure it?
Micio.Why not endure it?
Dem.Tell me, don’t you rave?
Don’t you go mad?
Micio.No: to be sure I’d rather——
Dem.There’s a child born.
Micio.Heav’n bless it!
Dem.And the girl
Has nothing.
Micio.I have heard so.
Dem.And is he
To marry her without a fortune?
Micio.Aye.
Dem.What’s to be done then?
Micio.What the case requires.
The girl shall be brought over here.
Dem.Oh Jove!
Can that be proper?
Micio.What can I do else?
Dem.What can you do!—If you’re not really griev’d,
It were at least your duty to appear so.
Micio.I have contracted the young woman to him:
The thing is settled: ’tis their wedding-day:
And all their apprehensions I’ve remov’d.
This is still more my duty.
Dem.Are you pleas’d then
With this adventure, Micio?
Micio.Not at all,
If I could help it: now ’tis past all cure,
I bear it patiently. The life of man
Is like a game at tables. If the cast
Which is most necessary be not thrown,
That which chance sends you must correct by art.
Dem.Oh rareCorrector!—By yourartno less
Than twenty minæ have been thrown away
On yonder Music-wench; who out of hand,
Must be sent packing; if no buyer, gratis.
Micio.Not in the least; nor do I mean to sell her.
Dem.What will you do, then?
Micio.Keep her in my house.
Dem.Oh Heav’n and earth! a harlot and a wife
In the same house!
Micio.Why not?
Dem.Have you your wits?
Micio.Truly I think so.
Dem.Now, so help me Heav’n,
Seeing your folly, I believe you keep her
To sing with you.
Micio.Why not?
Dem.And the young bride
Shall be her pupil?
Micio.To be sure.
Dem.And you
Dance hand in hand with them?
Micio.Aye.
Dem.Aye?
Micio.And youMake one among us too upon occasion.Dem.Ah! are you not asham’d on’t?Micio.Patience, Demea!Lay by your wrath, and seem, as it becomes you,Cheerful and free of heart at your son’s wedding.—I’ll go and warn the bride and Sostrata,—I’ll but speak with the bride and Sostrata,And then return to you immediately.Exit.
Micio.And you
Make one among us too upon occasion.
Dem.Ah! are you not asham’d on’t?
Micio.Patience, Demea!
Lay by your wrath, and seem, as it becomes you,
Cheerful and free of heart at your son’s wedding.
—I’ll go and warn the bride and Sostrata,
—I’ll but speak with the bride and Sostrata,
And then return to you immediately.
Exit.
Demeaalone.
Jove, what a life! what manners! what distraction!A bride just coming home without a portion;A Music-Girl already there in keeping:A house of waste; the youth a libertine;Th’ old man a dotard!—’Tis not in the pow’rOf Providence herself, howe’er desirous,To save from ruin such a family.
Jove, what a life! what manners! what distraction!
A bride just coming home without a portion;
A Music-Girl already there in keeping:
A house of waste; the youth a libertine;
Th’ old man a dotard!—’Tis not in the pow’r
Of Providence herself, howe’er desirous,
To save from ruin such a family.
Enter at a distanceSyrus, drunk.
Syrus.(to himself). Faith, little Syrus, you’ve ta’en special careOf your sweet self, and play’d your part most rarely.—Well, go your ways:—but having had my fillOf ev’ry thing within, I’ve now march’d forthTo take a turn or two abroad.Dem.(behind). Look there!A pattern of instruction!Syrus.(seeing him). But see there:Yonder’s old Demea. (Going up to him.) What’s the matter now?And why so melancholy?Dem.Oh thou villain!Syrus.What! are you spouting sentences, old wisdom?Dem.Were you my servant——Syrus.You’d be plaguy rich,And settle your affairs most wonderfully.Dem.I’d make you an example.Syrus.Why? for what?Dem.Why, Sirrah?—In the midst of the disturbance,And in the heat of a most heavy crime,While all is yet confusion, you’ve got drunk,As if for joy, you rascal!Syrus.Why the plagueDid not I keep within? (Aside.)
Syrus.(to himself). Faith, little Syrus, you’ve ta’en special care
Of your sweet self, and play’d your part most rarely.
—Well, go your ways:—but having had my fill
Of ev’ry thing within, I’ve now march’d forth
To take a turn or two abroad.
Dem.(behind). Look there!
A pattern of instruction!
Syrus.(seeing him). But see there:
Yonder’s old Demea. (Going up to him.) What’s the matter now?
And why so melancholy?
Dem.Oh thou villain!
Syrus.What! are you spouting sentences, old wisdom?
Dem.Were you my servant——
Syrus.You’d be plaguy rich,
And settle your affairs most wonderfully.
Dem.I’d make you an example.
Syrus.Why? for what?
Dem.Why, Sirrah?—In the midst of the disturbance,
And in the heat of a most heavy crime,
While all is yet confusion, you’ve got drunk,
As if for joy, you rascal!
Syrus.Why the plague
Did not I keep within? (Aside.)
EnterDromo, hastily.
Dromo.Here! hark ye, Syrus!Ctesipho begs that you’d come back.Syrus.Away! (Pushes him off.)Dem.What’s this he says of Ctesipho?Syrus.Pshaw! nothing.Dem.How! dog, is Ctesipho within?Syrus.Not he.Dem.Why does he name him then?Syrus.It is another.Of the same name—a little parasite——D’ye know him?Dem.But I will immediately. (Going.)Syrus.(stopping him). What now? where now?Dem.Let me alone.Syrus.Don’t go!Struggling.Dem.Hands off! what won’t you? must I brain you, rascal?Disengages himself fromSyrus, and Exit.
Dromo.Here! hark ye, Syrus!
Ctesipho begs that you’d come back.
Syrus.Away! (Pushes him off.)
Dem.What’s this he says of Ctesipho?
Syrus.Pshaw! nothing.
Dem.How! dog, is Ctesipho within?
Syrus.Not he.
Dem.Why does he name him then?
Syrus.It is another.
Of the same name—a little parasite——
D’ye know him?
Dem.But I will immediately. (Going.)
Syrus.(stopping him). What now? where now?
Dem.Let me alone.
Syrus.Don’t go!
Dem.Hands off! what won’t you? must I brain you, rascal?
Disengages himself fromSyrus, and Exit.
Syrusalone.
He’s gone—gone in—and faith no welcome roarer———Especially to Ctesipho.—But whatCan I do now; unless, till this blows over,I sneak into some corner, and sleep offThis wine that lies upon my head?—I’ll do’t.Exit reeling.
He’s gone—gone in—and faith no welcome roarer——
—Especially to Ctesipho.—But what
Can I do now; unless, till this blows over,
I sneak into some corner, and sleep off
This wine that lies upon my head?—I’ll do’t.
Exit reeling.
EnterMiciofromSostrata.
Micio.(toSostratawithin).All is prepar’d: and we are ready, Sostrata,As I have already told you, when you please. (Comes forward.)But who’s this forces open our street doorWith so much violence?EnterDemeaon t’other side.Dem.Confusion! death!What shall I do? or how resolve? where ventMy cries and exclamations? Heav’n! Earth! Sea!Micio(behind.) So! all’s discover’d: that’s the thing he raves at.—Now for a quarrel!—I must help the boy.Dem.(seeing him.) Oh, there’s the grand corrupter of our children!Micio.Appease your wrath, and be yourself again!Dem.Well, I’ve appeas’d it; I’m myself again;I spare reproaches; let us to the point!It was agreed between us, and it wasYour own proposal too, that you should neverConcern yourself with Ctesipho, nor IWith Æschinus. Say, was’t not so?Micio.It was.I don’t deny it.Dem.Why does CtesiphoRevel with you then? Why do you receive him?Buy him a mistress, Micio?—Is not justiceMy due from you, as well as yours from me?Since I do not concern myself with yours,Meddle not you with mine!Micio.This is not fair;Indeed it is not. Think on the old saying,“All things are common among friends.”Dem.How smart!Put off with quips and sentences at last!Micio.Nay, hear me, if you can have patience, Demea.—First, if you’re griev’d at their extravagance,Let this reflection calm you! Formerly,You bred them both according to your fortune,Supposing it sufficient for them both:Then too you thought that I should take a wife.Still follow the old rule you then laid down:Hoard, scrape, and save; do ev’ry thing you canTo leave them nobly! Be that glory yours.My fortune, fall’n beyond their hopes upon them,Let them use freely! As your capitalWill not be wasted, what addition comesFrom mine, consider as clear gain: and thus,Weighing all this impartially, you’ll spareYourself, and me, and them, a world of trouble.Dem.Money is not the thing: their morals——Micio.Hold!I understand; and meant to speak of that.There are in nature sundry marks, good Demea,By which you may conjecture of men’s minds;And when two persons do the self-same thing,May oftentimes pronounce, that in the one’Tis dangerous, in t’other ’tis not so:By which you may conjecture easily,That when two persons do the self-same thing,It oftentimes falls out that in the one’Tis criminal, in t’other ’tis not so:Not that the thing itself is different,But he who does it.—In these youths I seeThe marks of virtue; and, I trust, they’ll proveSuch as we wish them. They have sense, I know;Attention; in its season, liberal shame;And fondness for each other; all sure signsOf an ingenuous mind and noble nature:And though they stray, you may at any timeReclaim them.—But perhaps you fear they’ll proveToo inattentive to their interest.Oh my dear Demea, in all matters elseIncrease of years increases wisdom in us:This only vice age brings along with it;“We’re all more worldly-minded than there’s need:”Which passion age, that kills all passions else,Will ripen in your sons too.Dem.Have a careThat these fine arguments and this great mildnessDon’t prove the ruin of us, Micio.Micio.Peace!It shall not be: away with all your fears!This day be rul’d by me: come, smooth your brow.Dem.Well, since at present things are so, I must,But then I’ll to the country with my sonTo-morrow, at first peep of day.Micio.At midnight,So you’ll but smile to-day.Dem.And that wench tooI’ll drag away with me.Micio.Aye; there you’ve hit it.For by that means you’ll keep your son at home;Do but secure her.Dem.I’ll see that: for thereI’ll put her in the kitchen and the mill,And make her full of ashes, smoke, and meal:Nay at high noon too she shall gather stubble.I’ll burn her up, and make her black as coal.Micio.Right! now you’re wise.—And then I’d make my sonGo to bed to her, though against his will.Dem.D’ye laugh at me? how happy in your temper!I feel——Micio.Ah! that again?Dem.I’ve done.Micio.In then!And let us suit our humor to the time.Exeunt.
Micio.(toSostratawithin).
All is prepar’d: and we are ready, Sostrata,
As I have already told you, when you please. (Comes forward.)
But who’s this forces open our street door
With so much violence?
EnterDemeaon t’other side.
Dem.Confusion! death!
What shall I do? or how resolve? where vent
My cries and exclamations? Heav’n! Earth! Sea!
Micio(behind.) So! all’s discover’d: that’s the thing he raves at.
—Now for a quarrel!—I must help the boy.
Dem.(seeing him.) Oh, there’s the grand corrupter of our children!
Micio.Appease your wrath, and be yourself again!
Dem.Well, I’ve appeas’d it; I’m myself again;
I spare reproaches; let us to the point!
It was agreed between us, and it was
Your own proposal too, that you should never
Concern yourself with Ctesipho, nor I
With Æschinus. Say, was’t not so?
Micio.It was.
I don’t deny it.
Dem.Why does Ctesipho
Revel with you then? Why do you receive him?
Buy him a mistress, Micio?—Is not justice
My due from you, as well as yours from me?
Since I do not concern myself with yours,
Meddle not you with mine!
Micio.This is not fair;
Indeed it is not. Think on the old saying,
“All things are common among friends.”
Dem.How smart!
Put off with quips and sentences at last!
Micio.Nay, hear me, if you can have patience, Demea.
—First, if you’re griev’d at their extravagance,
Let this reflection calm you! Formerly,
You bred them both according to your fortune,
Supposing it sufficient for them both:
Then too you thought that I should take a wife.
Still follow the old rule you then laid down:
Hoard, scrape, and save; do ev’ry thing you can
To leave them nobly! Be that glory yours.
My fortune, fall’n beyond their hopes upon them,
Let them use freely! As your capital
Will not be wasted, what addition comes
From mine, consider as clear gain: and thus,
Weighing all this impartially, you’ll spare
Yourself, and me, and them, a world of trouble.
Dem.Money is not the thing: their morals——Micio.Hold!I understand; and meant to speak of that.There are in nature sundry marks, good Demea,By which you may conjecture of men’s minds;And when two persons do the self-same thing,May oftentimes pronounce, that in the one’Tis dangerous, in t’other ’tis not so:By which you may conjecture easily,That when two persons do the self-same thing,It oftentimes falls out that in the one’Tis criminal, in t’other ’tis not so:Not that the thing itself is different,But he who does it.—In these youths I seeThe marks of virtue; and, I trust, they’ll proveSuch as we wish them. They have sense, I know;Attention; in its season, liberal shame;And fondness for each other; all sure signsOf an ingenuous mind and noble nature:And though they stray, you may at any timeReclaim them.—But perhaps you fear they’ll proveToo inattentive to their interest.Oh my dear Demea, in all matters elseIncrease of years increases wisdom in us:This only vice age brings along with it;“We’re all more worldly-minded than there’s need:”Which passion age, that kills all passions else,Will ripen in your sons too.
Dem.Money is not the thing: their morals——
Micio.Hold!
I understand; and meant to speak of that.
There are in nature sundry marks, good Demea,
By which you may conjecture of men’s minds;And when two persons do the self-same thing,May oftentimes pronounce, that in the one’Tis dangerous, in t’other ’tis not so:
By which you may conjecture of men’s minds;
And when two persons do the self-same thing,
May oftentimes pronounce, that in the one
’Tis dangerous, in t’other ’tis not so:
By which you may conjecture easily,
That when two persons do the self-same thing,
It oftentimes falls out that in the one
’Tis criminal, in t’other ’tis not so:
Not that the thing itself is different,
But he who does it.—In these youths I see
The marks of virtue; and, I trust, they’ll prove
Such as we wish them. They have sense, I know;
Attention; in its season, liberal shame;
And fondness for each other; all sure signs
Of an ingenuous mind and noble nature:
And though they stray, you may at any time
Reclaim them.—But perhaps you fear they’ll prove
Too inattentive to their interest.
Oh my dear Demea, in all matters else
Increase of years increases wisdom in us:
This only vice age brings along with it;
“We’re all more worldly-minded than there’s need:”
Which passion age, that kills all passions else,
Will ripen in your sons too.
Dem.Have a care
That these fine arguments and this great mildness
Don’t prove the ruin of us, Micio.
Micio.Peace!
It shall not be: away with all your fears!
This day be rul’d by me: come, smooth your brow.
Dem.Well, since at present things are so, I must,
But then I’ll to the country with my son
To-morrow, at first peep of day.
Micio.At midnight,
So you’ll but smile to-day.
Dem.And that wench too
I’ll drag away with me.
Micio.Aye; there you’ve hit it.
For by that means you’ll keep your son at home;
Do but secure her.
Dem.I’ll see that: for there
I’ll put her in the kitchen and the mill,
And make her full of ashes, smoke, and meal:
Nay at high noon too she shall gather stubble.
I’ll burn her up, and make her black as coal.
Micio.Right! now you’re wise.—And then I’d make my son
Go to bed to her, though against his will.
Dem.D’ye laugh at me? how happy in your temper!
I feel——
Micio.Ah! that again?
Dem.I’ve done.
Micio.In then!
And let us suit our humor to the time.
Exeunt.
Demeaalone.
Never did man lay down so fair a plan,So wise a rule of life, but fortune, age,Or long experience made some change in it;And taught him that those things he thought he knewHe did not know, and what he held as best,In practice he threw by. The very thingThat happens to myself. For that hard lifeWhich I have ever led, my race near run,Now in the last stage, I renounce: and why?But that by dear experience I’ve been told,There’s nothing so advantages a manAs mildness and complacency. Of thisMy brother and myself are living proofs:He always led an easy, cheerful life;Good-humor’d, mild, offending nobody,Smiling on all; a jovial bachelor,His whole expenses centred in himself.I, on the contrary, rough, rigid, cross,Saving, morose, and thrifty, took a wife:—What miseries did marriage bring!—had children;—A new uneasiness!—and then besides,Striving all ways to make a fortune for them,I have worn out my prime of life and health:And now, my course near finish’d, what returnDo I receive for all my toil? Their hate.Meanwhile my brother, without any care,Reaps all a father’s comforts. Him they love,Me they avoid: to him they open allTheir secret counsels; doat on him; and bothRepair to him; while I am quite forsaken.His life they pray for, but expect my death.Thus those, brought up by my exceeding labor,He, at a small expense, has made his own:The care all mine, and all the pleasure his.—Well then, let me endeavor in my turnTo teach my tongue civility, to giveWith open-handed generosity,Since I am challeng’d to’t!—and let me tooObtain the love and reverence of my children!And if ’tis bought by bounty and indulgence,I will not be behind-hand.—Cash will fail:What’s that to me, who am the eldest born?
Never did man lay down so fair a plan,
So wise a rule of life, but fortune, age,
Or long experience made some change in it;
And taught him that those things he thought he knew
He did not know, and what he held as best,
In practice he threw by. The very thing
That happens to myself. For that hard life
Which I have ever led, my race near run,
Now in the last stage, I renounce: and why?
But that by dear experience I’ve been told,
There’s nothing so advantages a man
As mildness and complacency. Of this
My brother and myself are living proofs:
He always led an easy, cheerful life;
Good-humor’d, mild, offending nobody,
Smiling on all; a jovial bachelor,
His whole expenses centred in himself.
I, on the contrary, rough, rigid, cross,
Saving, morose, and thrifty, took a wife:
—What miseries did marriage bring!—had children;
—A new uneasiness!—and then besides,
Striving all ways to make a fortune for them,
I have worn out my prime of life and health:
And now, my course near finish’d, what return
Do I receive for all my toil? Their hate.
Meanwhile my brother, without any care,
Reaps all a father’s comforts. Him they love,
Me they avoid: to him they open all
Their secret counsels; doat on him; and both
Repair to him; while I am quite forsaken.
His life they pray for, but expect my death.
Thus those, brought up by my exceeding labor,
He, at a small expense, has made his own:
The care all mine, and all the pleasure his.
—Well then, let me endeavor in my turn
To teach my tongue civility, to give
With open-handed generosity,
Since I am challeng’d to’t!—and let me too
Obtain the love and reverence of my children!
And if ’tis bought by bounty and indulgence,
I will not be behind-hand.—Cash will fail:
What’s that to me, who am the eldest born?
EnterSyrus.
Syrus.Oh Sir! your brother has dispatch’d me to youTo beg you’d not go further off.Dem.Who’s there?——What, honest Syrus! save you: how is’t with you?How goes it?Syrus.Very well, Sir.Dem.(aside.) Excellent!Now for the first time, I, against my nature,Have added these three phrases, “Honest Syrus!——How is’t?—How goes it?”— (ToSyrus.) You have prov’d yourselfA worthy servant. I’ll reward you for it.Syrus.I thank you, Sir.Dem.I will, I promise you;And you shall be convinc’d on’t very soon.
Syrus.Oh Sir! your brother has dispatch’d me to you
To beg you’d not go further off.
Dem.Who’s there?——
What, honest Syrus! save you: how is’t with you?
How goes it?
Syrus.Very well, Sir.
Dem.(aside.) Excellent!
Now for the first time, I, against my nature,
Have added these three phrases, “Honest Syrus!——
How is’t?—How goes it?”— (ToSyrus.) You have prov’d yourself
A worthy servant. I’ll reward you for it.
Syrus.I thank you, Sir.
Dem.I will, I promise you;
And you shall be convinc’d on’t very soon.
EnterGeta.
Geta(toSostratawithin). Madam, I’m going to look after them,That they may call the bride immediately.—But here is Demea. Save you!Dem.Oh! your name?Geta.Geta, Sir.Dem.Geta, I this day have found youTo be a fellow of uncommon worth:For sure that servant’s faith is well approv’dWho holds his master’s interest at heart,As I perceiv’d that you did, Geta! wherefore,Soon as occasion offers, I’ll reward you.—I am endeavoring to be affable,And not without success. (Aside.)Geta.’Tis kind in youTo think of your poor slave, Sir.Dem.(aside.) First of allI court the mob, and win them by degrees.
Geta(toSostratawithin). Madam, I’m going to look after them,
That they may call the bride immediately.
—But here is Demea. Save you!
Dem.Oh! your name?
Geta.Geta, Sir.
Dem.Geta, I this day have found you
To be a fellow of uncommon worth:
For sure that servant’s faith is well approv’d
Who holds his master’s interest at heart,
As I perceiv’d that you did, Geta! wherefore,
Soon as occasion offers, I’ll reward you.
—I am endeavoring to be affable,
And not without success. (Aside.)
Geta.’Tis kind in you
To think of your poor slave, Sir.
Dem.(aside.) First of all
I court the mob, and win them by degrees.
EnterÆschinus.
Æsch.They murder me with their delays; and whileThey lavish all this pomp upon the nuptials,They waste the livelong day in preparation.Dem.How does my son?Æsch.My father! are you here?Dem.Aye, by affection, and by blood your father,Who love you better than my eyes.—But whyDo you not call the bride?Æsch.’Tis what I long for:But wait the music and the singers.Dem.Pshaw!Will you for once be rul’d by an old fellow?Æsch.Well?Dem.Ne’er mind singers, company, lights, music;But tell them to throw down the garden-wall,As soon as possible. Convey the brideThat way, and lay both houses into one.Bring too the mother, and whole family,Over to us.Æsch.I will. O charming father!Dem.(aside).Charming!See there! he calls mecharmingnow.—My brother’s house will be a thoroughfare;Throng’d with whole crowds of people; much expenseWill follow; very much: what’s that to me?I am call’dcharming, and get into favor.—Ho! order Babylo immediatelyTo pay him twenty minæ.—Prithee, Syrus,Why don’t you execute your orders?Syrus.What?Dem.Down with the wall!— (ExitSyrus.) You, Geta, go and bringThe ladies over.Geta.Heaven bless you, Demea,For all your friendship to our family!ExitGeta.Dem.They’re worthy of it.—What say you to this?ToÆschinus.Æsch.I think it admirable.Dem.’Tis much betterThan for a poor soul, sick, and lying-in,To be conducted through the street.Æsch.I neverSaw any thing concerted better, Sir.Dem.’Tis just my way.—But here comes Micio.
Æsch.They murder me with their delays; and while
They lavish all this pomp upon the nuptials,
They waste the livelong day in preparation.
Dem.How does my son?
Æsch.My father! are you here?
Dem.Aye, by affection, and by blood your father,
Who love you better than my eyes.—But why
Do you not call the bride?
Æsch.’Tis what I long for:
But wait the music and the singers.
Dem.Pshaw!
Will you for once be rul’d by an old fellow?
Æsch.Well?
Dem.Ne’er mind singers, company, lights, music;
But tell them to throw down the garden-wall,
As soon as possible. Convey the bride
That way, and lay both houses into one.
Bring too the mother, and whole family,
Over to us.
Æsch.I will. O charming father!
Dem.(aside).Charming!See there! he calls mecharmingnow.
—My brother’s house will be a thoroughfare;
Throng’d with whole crowds of people; much expense
Will follow; very much: what’s that to me?
I am call’dcharming, and get into favor.
—Ho! order Babylo immediately
To pay him twenty minæ.—Prithee, Syrus,
Why don’t you execute your orders?
Syrus.What?
Dem.Down with the wall!— (ExitSyrus.) You, Geta, go and bring
The ladies over.
Geta.Heaven bless you, Demea,
For all your friendship to our family!
ExitGeta.
Dem.They’re worthy of it.—What say you to this?
ToÆschinus.
Æsch.I think it admirable.
Dem.’Tis much better
Than for a poor soul, sick, and lying-in,
To be conducted through the street.
Æsch.I never
Saw any thing concerted better, Sir.
Dem.’Tis just my way.—But here comes Micio.
EnterMicio.
Micio(at entering.) My brother order it, d’ye say? where is he?—Was this your order, Demea?Dem.’Twas my order:And by this means, and every other way,I would unite, serve, cherish, and oblige,And join the family to ours!Æsch.Pray do, Sir! (ToMicio.)Micio.I don’t oppose it.Dem.Nay, but ’tis our duty.First, there’s the mother of the bride——Micio.What then?Dem.Worthy and modest.Micio.So they say.Dem.In years.Micio.True.Dem.And so far advanc’d, that she is longPast child-bearing, a poor lone woman too,With none to comfort her.Micio.What means all this?Dem.This woman ’tis your place to marry, brother;—And yours (toÆschinus) to bring him to’t.Micio.I marry her?Dem.You.Micio.I?Dem.Yes, you I say.Micio.Ridiculous!Dem.(toÆschinus). If you’re a man, he’ll do’t.Æsch.(toMicio). Dear father!Micio.How!Do you then join him, fool?Dem.Nay, don’t deny.It can’t be otherwise.Micio.You’ve lost your senses!Æsch.Let me prevail upon you, Sir!Micio.You’re mad.Away!Dem.Oblige your son.Micio.Have you your wits?I a new married man at sixty-five!And marry a decrepit poor old woman!Is that what you advise me!Æsch.Do it, Sir!I’ve promis’d them.Micio.You’ve promis’d them, indeed!Prithee, boy, promise for yourself.Dem.Come, come!What if he ask’d still more of you?Micio.As ifThis was not ev’n the utmost.Dem.Nay, comply!Æsch.Be not obdurate!Dem.Come, come, promise him.Micio.Won’t you desist?Æsch.No, not till I prevail.Micio.This is mere force.Dem.Nay, nay, comply, good Micio!Micio.Though this appears to me absurd, wrong, foolish,And quite repugnant to my scheme of life,Yet, if you’re so much bent on’t, let it be!Æsch.Obliging father, worthy my best love!Dem.(aside). What now?—This answers to my wish.—What more?—Hegio’s their kinsman (toMicio), our relation too,And very poor. We should do him some service.Micio.Do what?Dem.There is a little piece of ground,Which you let out near town. Let’s give it himTo live upon.Micio.So little, do you call it?Dem.Well, if ’tis large, let’s give it. He has beenA father to the bride; a worthy man;Our kinsman too. It will be well bestow’d.In short, that saying I now make my own,Which you but now so wisely quoted, Micio;“It is the common failing of old menTo be too much intent on worldly matters.”Let us wipe off that stain. The saying’s true,And worthy notice.Dem.Well, if ’tis large, let’s give it. He has beenFather to her; a good man; our relation.It will be given worthily. In short,That saying, Micio, I now make my own,Which you so lately and so wisely quoted;“It is the common failing of old menTo be too much intent on worldly matters.”Let us wipe off that stain. The saying’s true,And should be practic’d.Micio.Well, well; be it so,If he requires it. (Pointing toÆschinus.)Æsch.I beseech it, father.Dem.Now you’re indeed my brother, soul and body.Micio.I’m glad to find you think me so.Dem.I foil himAt his own weapons. (Aside.)
Micio(at entering.) My brother order it, d’ye say? where is he?
—Was this your order, Demea?
Dem.’Twas my order:
And by this means, and every other way,
I would unite, serve, cherish, and oblige,
And join the family to ours!
Æsch.Pray do, Sir! (ToMicio.)
Micio.I don’t oppose it.
Dem.Nay, but ’tis our duty.
First, there’s the mother of the bride——
Micio.What then?
Dem.Worthy and modest.
Micio.So they say.
Dem.In years.
Micio.True.
Dem.And so far advanc’d, that she is long
Past child-bearing, a poor lone woman too,
With none to comfort her.
Micio.What means all this?
Dem.This woman ’tis your place to marry, brother;
—And yours (toÆschinus) to bring him to’t.
Micio.I marry her?
Dem.You.
Micio.I?
Dem.Yes, you I say.
Micio.Ridiculous!
Dem.(toÆschinus). If you’re a man, he’ll do’t.
Æsch.(toMicio). Dear father!
Micio.How!
Do you then join him, fool?
Dem.Nay, don’t deny.
It can’t be otherwise.
Micio.You’ve lost your senses!
Æsch.Let me prevail upon you, Sir!
Micio.You’re mad.
Away!
Dem.Oblige your son.
Micio.Have you your wits?
I a new married man at sixty-five!
And marry a decrepit poor old woman!
Is that what you advise me!
Æsch.Do it, Sir!
I’ve promis’d them.
Micio.You’ve promis’d them, indeed!
Prithee, boy, promise for yourself.
Dem.Come, come!
What if he ask’d still more of you?
Micio.As if
This was not ev’n the utmost.
Dem.Nay, comply!
Æsch.Be not obdurate!
Dem.Come, come, promise him.
Micio.Won’t you desist?
Æsch.No, not till I prevail.
Micio.This is mere force.
Dem.Nay, nay, comply, good Micio!
Micio.Though this appears to me absurd, wrong, foolish,
And quite repugnant to my scheme of life,
Yet, if you’re so much bent on’t, let it be!
Æsch.Obliging father, worthy my best love!
Dem.(aside). What now?—This answers to my wish.—What more?
—Hegio’s their kinsman (toMicio), our relation too,
And very poor. We should do him some service.
Micio.Do what?Dem.There is a little piece of ground,Which you let out near town. Let’s give it himTo live upon.Micio.So little, do you call it?Dem.Well, if ’tis large, let’s give it. He has beenA father to the bride; a worthy man;Our kinsman too. It will be well bestow’d.In short, that saying I now make my own,Which you but now so wisely quoted, Micio;“It is the common failing of old menTo be too much intent on worldly matters.”Let us wipe off that stain. The saying’s true,And worthy notice.Dem.Well, if ’tis large, let’s give it. He has beenFather to her; a good man; our relation.It will be given worthily. In short,That saying, Micio, I now make my own,Which you so lately and so wisely quoted;“It is the common failing of old menTo be too much intent on worldly matters.”Let us wipe off that stain. The saying’s true,And should be practic’d.
Micio.Do what?
Dem.There is a little piece of ground,
Which you let out near town. Let’s give it him
To live upon.
Micio.So little, do you call it?
Dem.Well, if ’tis large, let’s give it. He has beenA father to the bride; a worthy man;Our kinsman too. It will be well bestow’d.In short, that saying I now make my own,Which you but now so wisely quoted, Micio;“It is the common failing of old menTo be too much intent on worldly matters.”Let us wipe off that stain. The saying’s true,And worthy notice.
Dem.Well, if ’tis large, let’s give it. He has been
A father to the bride; a worthy man;
Our kinsman too. It will be well bestow’d.
In short, that saying I now make my own,
Which you but now so wisely quoted, Micio;
“It is the common failing of old men
To be too much intent on worldly matters.”
Let us wipe off that stain. The saying’s true,
And worthy notice.
Dem.Well, if ’tis large, let’s give it. He has been
Father to her; a good man; our relation.
It will be given worthily. In short,
That saying, Micio, I now make my own,
Which you so lately and so wisely quoted;
“It is the common failing of old men
To be too much intent on worldly matters.”
Let us wipe off that stain. The saying’s true,
And should be practic’d.
Micio.Well, well; be it so,
If he requires it. (Pointing toÆschinus.)
Æsch.I beseech it, father.
Dem.Now you’re indeed my brother, soul and body.
Micio.I’m glad to find you think me so.
Dem.I foil him
At his own weapons. (Aside.)
To themSyrus.
Syrus.I have executedYour orders, Demea.Dem.A good fellow!——TrulySyrus, I think, should be made free to-day.Micio.Made free! He!——Wherefore?Dem.Oh, for many reasons.Syrus.Oh Demea, you’re a noble gentleman.I’ve taken care of both your sons from boys;Taught them, instructed them, and given themThe wholesomest advice that I was able.Dem.The thing’s apparent: and these offices,To cater;—bring a wench in, safe and snug;—Or in mid-day prepare an entertainment;——All these are talents of no common man.Syrus.Oh most delightful gentleman!Dem.Besides,He has been instrumental too this dayIn purchasing the Music-Girl. He manag’dThe whole affair. We should reward him for it.It will encourage others.—In a word,Your Æschinus would have it so.Micio.Do youDesire it?Æsch.Yes, Sir.Micio.Well, if you desire it——Come hither, Syrus!—Be thou free! (Syruskneels;Miciostrikes him, being the ceremony of manumission, or giving a slave his freedom.)Syrus.I thank you:Thanks to you all; but most of all, to Demea!Dem.I’m glad of your good fortune.Æsch.So am I.Syrus.I do believe it; and I wish this joyWere quite complete, and I might see my wife,My Phrygia too, made free, as well as I.Dem.The very best of women!Syrus.And the firstThat suckled my young master’s son, your grandson.Dem.Indeed! the first who suckled him!—Nay then,Beyond all doubt, she should be free.Micio.For what?Dem.For that. Nay, take the sum, whate’er it be,Of me.Syrus.Now all the powers above grant allYour wishes, Demea!Micio.You have thriv’d to-dayMost rarely, Syrus.Dem.And besides this, Micio,It would be handsome to advance him somethingTo try his fortune with. He’ll soon return it.Micio.Not that. (Snapping his fingers.)Æsch.He’s honest.Syrus.Faith I will return it.Do but advance it.Æsch.Do, Sir!Micio.Well, I’ll think on’t.Dem.I’ll see that he shall do’t. (ToSyrus.)Syrus.Thou best of men!Æsch.My most indulgent father!Micio.What means this?Whence comes this hasty change of manners, brother?Whence flows all this extravagance? and whenceThis sudden prodigality?Dem.I’ll tell you:To show you, that the reason why our sonsThink you so pleasant and agreeable,Is not from your deserts, or truth, or justice,But your compliance, bounty, and indulgence.—Now, therefore, if I’m odious to you, son,Because I’m not subservient to your humorIn all things, right or wrong; away with care!Spend, squander, and do what you will!—but if,In those affairs where youth has made you blind,Eager, and thoughtless, you will suffer meTo counsel and correct—and in due seasonIndulge you—I am at your service.Æsch.Father,In all things we submit ourselves to you.What’s fit and proper, you know best.—But whatShall come of my poor brother?Dem.I consentThat he shall have her: let him finish there.Æsch.All now is as it should be.— (To the audience.) Clap your hands!
Syrus.I have executed
Your orders, Demea.
Dem.A good fellow!——Truly
Syrus, I think, should be made free to-day.
Micio.Made free! He!——Wherefore?
Dem.Oh, for many reasons.
Syrus.Oh Demea, you’re a noble gentleman.
I’ve taken care of both your sons from boys;
Taught them, instructed them, and given them
The wholesomest advice that I was able.
Dem.The thing’s apparent: and these offices,
To cater;—bring a wench in, safe and snug;
—Or in mid-day prepare an entertainment;——
All these are talents of no common man.
Syrus.Oh most delightful gentleman!
Dem.Besides,
He has been instrumental too this day
In purchasing the Music-Girl. He manag’d
The whole affair. We should reward him for it.
It will encourage others.—In a word,
Your Æschinus would have it so.
Micio.Do you
Desire it?
Æsch.Yes, Sir.
Micio.Well, if you desire it——
Come hither, Syrus!—Be thou free! (Syruskneels;Miciostrikes him, being the ceremony of manumission, or giving a slave his freedom.)
Syrus.I thank you:
Thanks to you all; but most of all, to Demea!
Dem.I’m glad of your good fortune.
Æsch.So am I.
Syrus.I do believe it; and I wish this joy
Were quite complete, and I might see my wife,
My Phrygia too, made free, as well as I.
Dem.The very best of women!
Syrus.And the first
That suckled my young master’s son, your grandson.
Dem.Indeed! the first who suckled him!—Nay then,
Beyond all doubt, she should be free.
Micio.For what?
Dem.For that. Nay, take the sum, whate’er it be,
Of me.
Syrus.Now all the powers above grant all
Your wishes, Demea!
Micio.You have thriv’d to-day
Most rarely, Syrus.
Dem.And besides this, Micio,
It would be handsome to advance him something
To try his fortune with. He’ll soon return it.
Micio.Not that. (Snapping his fingers.)
Æsch.He’s honest.
Syrus.Faith I will return it.
Do but advance it.
Æsch.Do, Sir!
Micio.Well, I’ll think on’t.
Dem.I’ll see that he shall do’t. (ToSyrus.)
Syrus.Thou best of men!
Æsch.My most indulgent father!
Micio.What means this?
Whence comes this hasty change of manners, brother?
Whence flows all this extravagance? and whence
This sudden prodigality?
Dem.I’ll tell you:
To show you, that the reason why our sons
Think you so pleasant and agreeable,
Is not from your deserts, or truth, or justice,
But your compliance, bounty, and indulgence.
—Now, therefore, if I’m odious to you, son,
Because I’m not subservient to your humor
In all things, right or wrong; away with care!
Spend, squander, and do what you will!—but if,
In those affairs where youth has made you blind,
Eager, and thoughtless, you will suffer me
To counsel and correct—and in due season
Indulge you—I am at your service.
Æsch.Father,
In all things we submit ourselves to you.
What’s fit and proper, you know best.—But what
Shall come of my poor brother?
Dem.I consent
That he shall have her: let him finish there.
Æsch.All now is as it should be.— (To the audience.) Clap your hands!