Simo.I return to seeWhat they’re about, or what they meditate.Davus.Now is he sure that you’ll refuse to wed.From some dark corner brooding o’er black thoughtsHe comes, and fancies he has fram’d a speechTo disconcert you. See, you keep your ground.Pam.If I can, Davus.Davus.Trust me, Pamphilus,Your father will not change a single wordIn anger with you, do but say you’ll wed.SCENE VI.EnterByrrhiabehind.Byr.To-day my master bade me leave all elseFor Pamphilus, and watch how he proceeds,About his marriage; wherefore I have nowFollowed the old man hither: yonder tooStands Pamphilus himself, and with him Davus.To business then!Simo.I see them both together.Davus.Now mind. (Apart toPam.)Simo.Here, Pamphilus!Davus.Now turn about,As taken unawares. (Apart.)Pam.Who calls? my father!Davus.Well said! (Apart.)Pam.Who calls? my father! (Apart.)Simo.It is my pleasure, that to-day,As I have told you once before, you marry.Davus.Now on our part, I fear what he’ll reply. (Aside.)Pam.In that, and all the rest of your commands,I shall be ready to obey you, Sir!Byr.How’s that! (Overhearing.)Davus.Struck dumb. (Aside.)Byr.What said he? (Listening.)Simo.You performYour duty, when you cheerfully complyWith my desires.Davus.There! said I not the truth? (Apart toPam.)Byr.My master then, so far as I can find,May whistle for a wife.Simo.Now then go inThat when you’re wanted you be found.Pam.I go.Exit.Byr.Is there no faith in the affairs of men?’Tis an old saying and a true one too;“Of all mankind each loves himself the best.”I’ve seen the lady; know her beautiful;And therefore sooner pardon Pamphilus,If he had rather win her to his arms,Than yield her to th’ embraces of my master.I will go bear these tidings, and receiveMuch evil treatment for my evil news.Exit.SCENE VII.ManentSimoandDavus.Davus.Now he supposes I’ve some trick in hand,And loiter here to practice it on him!Simo.Well, what now, Davus?Davus.Nothing.Simo.Nothing, say you?Davus.Nothing at all.Simo.And yet I look’d for something.Davus.So, I perceive, you did:—This nettles him. (Aside.)Simo.Can you speak truth?Davus.Most easily.Simo.Say then,Is not this wedding irksome to my son,From his adventure with the Andrian?Davus.No faith; or if at all, ’twill only beTwo or three days’ anxiety, you know;Then ’twill be over: for he sees the thingIn its true light.Simo.I praise him for’t.Davus.While youRestrain’d him not; and while his youth allow’d’Tis true he lov’d; but even then by stealth,’Tis true he lov’d; and even then by stealth,As wise men ought, and careful of his fame.Now his age calls for matrimony, nowTo matrimony he inclines his mind.Simo.Yet, in my eyes, he seem’d a little sad.Davus.Not upon that account. He has he thinksAnother reason to complain of you.Simo.For what?Davus.A trifle.Simo.Well, what is’t?Davus.Nay, nothing.Simo.Tell me, what is’t?Davus.You are then, he complains,Somewhat too sparing of expense.Simo.I?Davus.You.A feast of scarce ten Drachms? Does this, says he,Look like a wedding-supper for his son?What friends can I invite? especiallyAt such a time as this?—and, truly, Sir,You have been very frugal; much too sparing.I can’t commend you for it.Simo.Hold your peace.Davus.I’ve ruffled him. (Aside.)Simo.I’ll look to that. Away!ExitDavus.What now? What means the varlet? Precious rogue,For if there’s any knavery on foot,He, I am sure, is the contriver on’t.Exit.ACT THE THIRD.SCENE I.Simo,Davus, coming out ofSimo’shouse.—Mysis,Lesbia, going toward the house ofGlycerium.Mysis.Aye, marry, ’tis as you say, Lesbia:Women scarce ever find a constant man.Simo.The Andrian’s maid-servant! Is’t not?Davus.Aye.Mysis.But Pamphilus——Simo.What says she? (Overhearing.)Mysis.Has been true.Simo.How’s that? (Overhearing.)Davus.Would he were deaf, or she were dumb! (Aside.)Mysis.For the child, boy, or girl, he has resolv’dTo educate.Simo.O Jupiter! what’s thisI hear? If this be true, I’m lost indeed.Lesbia.A good young Gentleman!Mysis.Oh, very good.But in, in, lest you make her wait.Lesbia.I follow.ExeuntMysisandLesbia.SCENE II.ManentSimo,Davus.Davus.Unfortunate! What remedy! (Aside.)Simo.How’s this? (To himself.)And can he be so mad? What! educateA harlot’s child!—Ah, now I know their drift:Fool that I was, scarce smelt it out at last.Davus(listening). What’s this he says he has smelt out?Simo.Imprimis, (To himself.)’Tis this rogue’s trick upon me. All a sham:A counterfeit deliv’ry, and mock labor,Devis’d to frighten Chremes from the match.Gly.(within). Juno Lucina, save me! Help, I pray thee.Simo.Heyday! Already! Oh ridiculous!Soon as she heard that I was at the doorShe hastens to cry out: your incidentsAre ill-tim’d, Davus.Davus.Mine, Sir?Simo.Are your playersUnmindful of their cues, and want a prompter?Davus.I do not comprehend you.Simo(apart.) If this knaveHad, in the real nuptial of my son,Come thus upon me unprepar’d, what sport,What scorn he’d have exposed me to? But nowAt his own peril be it. I’m secure.SCENE III.Re-enterLesbia.—Archyllisappears at the door.LesbiatoArchyllis(within). As yet, Archyllis, all the symptoms seemAs good as might be wish’d in her condition:First, let her make ablution: after that,Drink what I’ve order’d her, and just so much:And presently I will be here again. (Coming forward.)Now, by this good day, Master PamphilusHas got a chopping boy: Heav’n grant it live!For he’s a worthy Gentleman, and scorn’dTo do a wrong to this young innocent.Exit.SCENE IV.ManentSimo,Davus.Simo.This too where’s he that knows you would not swearWas your contrivance?Davus.My contrivance! what, Sir?Simo.While in the house, forsooth, the midwife gaveNo orders for the Lady in the straw:But having issued forth into the street,Bawls out most lustily to those within.—Oh Davus, am I then so much your scorn?Seem I so proper to be play’d upon,With such a shallow, barefac’d, imposition?You might at least, in reverence, have us’dSome spice of art, wer’t only to pretendYou fear’d my anger, should I find you out.Davus.I’ faith now he deceives himself, not I. (Aside.)Simo.Did not I give you warning? threaten too,In case you play’d me false? But all in vain:For what car’d you?—What! think you I believeThis story of a child by Pamphilus?Davus.I see his error: Now I know my game. (Aside.)Simo.Why don’t you answer?Davus.What! you don’t believe it!As if you had not been informed of this? (Archly.)Simo.Inform’d?Davus.What then you found it out yourself?Simo.I been inform’d?Davus.What then you found it out? (Archly.)Simo.D’ye laugh at me?Davus.You must have been inform’d:Or whence this shrewd suspicion?Simo.Whence! from you:Because I know you.Davus.Meaning, this was doneBy my advice?Simo.Beyond all doubt; I know it:Davus.You do not know me, Simo.——Simo.I not know you?Davus.For if I do but speak, immediatelyYou think yourself impos’d on.——Simo.Falsely, hey?Davus.So that I dare not ope my lips before you.Simo.All that I know is this; that nobodyHas been deliver’d here.Davus.You’ve found it out?Yet by-and-by they’ll bring the bantling here,And lay it at our door. Remember, Sir,I give you warning that will be the case;That you may stand prepar’d, nor after say,’Twas done by Davus’s advice, his tricks!I would fain cure your ill opinion of me.Simo.But how d’ye know?Davus.I’ve heard so, and believe so.Besides a thousand different things concurTo lead to this conjecture. First, GlyceriumProfess’d herself with child by Pamphilus:That proves a falsehood. Now as she perceivesA nuptial preparation at our house,A maid’s immediately dispatch’d to bringDavus.I’ve heard so, and believe so.Besides a thousand things concur to leadTo this conjecture. In the first place, sheProfess’d herself with child by Pamphilus:That proves a falsehood. Now that she perceivesA nuptial preparation at our house,A maid’s dispatch’d immediately to bringA midwife to her, and withal a child;You too they will contrive shall see the child,Or else the wedding must proceed.Simo.How’s this?Having discover’d such a plot on foot,Why did you not directly tell my son?Davus.Who then has drawn him from her but myself?For we all know how much he doted on her:But now he wishes for a wife. In fine,Leave that affair to me; and you meanwhilePursue, as you’ve begun, the nuptials; whichThe Gods, I hope, will prosper!Simo.Get you in.Wait for me there, and see that you prepareWhat’s requisite.ExitDavus.He has not wrought upon meTo yield implicit credit to his tale,Nor do I know if all he said be true.But, true or false, it matters not: to meMy Son’s own promise is the main concern.Now to meet Chremes, and to beg his daughterIn marriage with my son. If I succeed,What can I rather wish, than to beholdTheir marriage-rites to-day? For since my sonHas given me his word, I’ve not a doubt,Should he refuse, but I may force him to it:And to my wishes see where Chremes comes.SCENE V.EnterChremes.Simo.Chremes, good-day!Chremes.The very man I look’d for.Simo.And I for you.Chremes.Well met.—Some persons cameTo tell me you inform’d them, that my daughterWas to be married to your son to-day:And therefore came I here, and fain would knowWhether ’tis you or they have lost their wits.Simo.A moment’s hearing; you shall be inform’d,What I request, and what you wish to know.Chremes.I hear: what would you? speak.Simo.Now by the Gods;Now by our friendship, Chremes, which begunIn infancy, has still increas’d with age;Now by your only daughter, and my son,Whose preservation wholly rests on you;Let me entreat this boon: and let the matchWhich should have been, still be.Chremes.Why, why entreat?Knowing you ought not to beseech this of me.Think you that I am other than I was,When first I gave my promise? If the matchBe good for both, e’en call them forth to wed.But if their union promises more harmThan good to both, you also, I beseech you,Consult our common interest, as ifYou were her father, Pamphilus my son.Simo.E’en in that spirit, I desire it, Chremes,Entreat it may be done; nor would entreat,But that occasion urges.Chremes.What occasion?Simo.A diff’rence ’twixt Glycerium and my son.Chremes.I hear. (Ironically.)Simo.A breach so wide as gives me hopesTo sep’rate them forever.Chremes.Idle tales!Simo.Indeed ’tis thus.Chremes.Aye marry, thus it is.Quarrels of lovers but renew their love.Simo.Prevent we then, I pray, this mischief now;While time permits, while yet his passion’s soreFrom contumelies; ere these women’s wiles,Their wicked arts, and tears made up of fraudShake his weak mind, and melt it to compassion.Give him a wife: by intercourse with her,Knit by the bonds of wedlock, soon I hope,He’ll rise above the guilt that sinks him now.Chremes.So you believe: for me, I can not thinkThat he’ll be constant, or that I can bear it.Simo.How can you know, unless you make the trial?Chremes.Aye, but to make that trial on a daughterIs hard indeed.Simo.The mischief, should he fail,Is only this: divorce, which Heav’n forbid!But mark what benefits if he amend!First, to your friend you will restore a son;Gain to yourself a son-in-law, and matchYour daughter to an honest husband.Chremes.Well!Since you’re so thoroughly convinc’d ’tis right,I can deny you naught that lies in me.Simo.I see I ever lov’d you justly, Chremes.Chremes.But then——Simo.But what?Chremes.From whence are you appriz’dChremes.Whence is’t you knowThat there’s a difference between them?Simo.Davus,Davus, in all their secrets, told me so;Advis’d me too, to hasten on the matchAs fast as possible. Would he, d’ye think,Do that, unless he were full well assur’dMy son desir’d it too?—Hear, what he says.Ho there! call Davus forth.—But here he comes.SCENE VI.EnterDavus.Davus.I was about to seek you.Simo.What’s the matter?Davus.Why is not the bride sent for? it grows late.Simo.D’ye hear him?—Davus, I for some time pastWas fearful of you; lest, like other slaves,As slaves go now, you should put tricks upon me,And baffle me, to favor my son’s love.Davus.I, Sir?Simo.I thought so: and in fear of thatConceal’d a secret which I’ll now disclose.Davus.What secret, Sir?Simo.I’ll tell you: for I nowAlmost begin to think you may be trusted.Davus.You’ve found what sort of man I am at last.Simo.No marriage was intended.Davus.How! none!Simo.None.All counterfeit, to sound my son and you.Davus.How say you?Simo.Even so.Davus.Alack, alack!I never could have thought it. Ah, what art! (Archly.)Simo.Hear me. No sooner had I sent you in.But opportunely I encountered Chremes.Davus.How! are we ruin’d then? (Aside.)Simo.I told him all.That you had just told me,——Davus.Confusion! how? (Aside.)Simo.Begged him to grant his daughter, and at lengthWith much ado prevail’d.Davus.Undone! (Aside.)Simo.How’s that? (Overhearing.)Davus.Well done! I said.Simo.My good friend Chremes thenIs now no obstacle.Chremes.I’ll home a while,Order due preparations, and return.Exit.Simo.Prithee, now, Davus, seeing you aloneHave brought about this match——Davus.Yes, I alone.Simo.Endeavor farther to amend my son.Davus.Most diligently.Simo.It were easy now,While his mind’s irritated.Davus.Be at peace.Simo.Do then: where is he?Davus.Probably at home.Simo.I’ll in, and tell him, what I’ve now told you.Exit.SCENE VII.Davusalone.Lost and undone! To prison with me straight!No prayer, no plea: for I have ruin’d all!Deceiv’d the old man, hamper’d PamphilusWith marriage; marriage, brought about to-dayBy my sole means; beyond the hopes of one;Against the other’s will.——Oh, cunning fool!Had I been quiet, all had yet been well.But see, he’s coming. Would my neck were broken! (Retires.)SCENE VIII.EnterPamphilus;Davusbehind.Pam.Where is this villain that has ruined me?Davus.I’m a lost man.Pam.And yet I must confess,That I deserv’d this, being such a dolt,A very idiot, to commit my fortunesTo a vile slave. I suffer for my folly,But will at least take vengeance upon him.Davus.Let me but once escape the present danger,I’ll answer for hereafter.But will at least take vengeance on him.Davus.If I can but escape this mischief now,I’ll answer for hereafter.Pam.To my fatherWhat shall I say?—And can I then refuse,Who have but now consented? with what face?I know not what to do.Davus.I’faith, nor I;And yet it takes up all my thoughts. I’ll tell himI’ve hit on something to delay the match.Pam.Oh! (SeeingDavus.)Davus.I am seen.Pam.So, good Sir! What say you?See, how I’m hamper’d with your fine advice.Davus(coming forward). But I’ll deliver you.Pam.Deliver me?Davus.Certainly, Sir.Pam.What, as you did just now?Davus.Better, I hope.Pam.And can you then believeThat I would trust you, rascal? You amendMy broken fortunes, or redeem them lost?You, who to-day, from the most happy state,Have thrown me upon marriage.—Did not IForetell it would be thus?Davus.You did indeed.Pam.And what do you deserve for this?Davus.The gallows.—Yet suffer me to take a little breath,I’ll devise something presently.Pam.Alas,I have not leisure for your punishment.The time demands attention to myself,Nor will be wasted in revenge on you.ACT THE FOURTH.SCENE I.Charinusalone.Is this to be believ’d, or to be told?Can then such inbred malice live in man,To joy in ill, and from another’s woesTo draw his own delight?—Ah, is’t then so?—Yes, such there are, the meanest of mankind,Who, from a sneaking bashfulness, at firstDare not refuse; but when the time comes onTo make their promise good, then forceperforceOpen themselves and fear: yet must deny.Then too, oh shameless impudence, they cry,“Who then are you? and what are you to me?Why should I render up my love to you?Faith, neighbor, charity begins at home.”—Speak of their broken faith, they blush not, they,Now throwing off that shame they ought to wear,Which they before assum’d without a cause.—What shall I do? go to him? on my wrongsExpostulate, and throw reproaches on him?What will that profit, say you?——very much.I shall at least imbitter his delight,And gratify my anger.SCENE II.To himPamphilusandDavus.Pam.Oh, Charinus,By my imprudence, unless Heav’n forefend,I’ve ruin’d both myself and you.Char.Imprudence!Paltry evasion! you have broke your faith.Pam.What now?Char.And do you think that words like theseCan baffle me again?Pam.What means all this?Char.Soon as I told you of my passion for her,Then she had charms for you.——Ah, senseless fool,To judge your disposition by my own!Pam.You are mistaken.Char.Was your joy no joy,Without abusing a fond lover’s mind,Fool’d on with idle hopes?—Well, take her.Pam.Take her?Alas, you know not what a wretch I am:How many cares this slave has brought upon me,My rascal here.Char.No wonder if he takesExample from his master.Pam.Ah, you know notMe, or my love, or else you would not talk thus.Char.Oh yes, I know it all. You had but nowA dreadful altercation with your father:And therefore he’s enrag’d, nor could prevailOn you, forsooth, to wed. (Ironically.)Pam.To show you then,How little you conceive of my distress,These nuptials were mere semblance, mock’ry all,Nor was a wife intended me.Char.I know it:You are constrain’d, poor man, by inclination.Pam.Nay, but have patience! you don’t know——Char.I knowThat you’re to marry her.Pam.Why rack me thus?Nay hear! he never ceas’d to importuneThat I would tell my father, I would wed;So press’d, and urg’d, that he at length prevail’d.Char.Who did this?Pam.Davus.Char.Davus!Pam.Davus all.Char.Wherefore?Pam.I know not: but I know the GodsMeant in their anger I should listen to him.Char.Is it so, Davus?Davus.Even so.Char.How, villain?The Gods confound you for it!—Tell me, wretchHad all his most inveterate foes desir’dTo throw him on this marriage, what adviceCould they have given else?Davus.I am deceiv’d,But not dishearten’d.Char.True. (Ironically.)Davus.This way has fail’d;We’ll try another way: unless you thinkBecause the business has gone ill at first,We can not graft advantage on misfortune.Pam.Oh aye, I warrant you, if you look to ’t,Out of one wedding you can work me two.Davus.Pamphilus, ’tis my duty, as your slave,To strive with might and main, by day and nightWith hazard of my life, to do you service:’Tis yours, if I am cross’d, to pardon me.My undertakings fail indeed, but thenI spare no pains. Do better, if you can,And send me packing.Pam.Aye, with all my heart:Place me but where you found me first.Davus.I will.Pam.But do it instantly.Davus.Hist! hold a while:I hear the creaking of Glycerium’s door.Pam.Nothing to you.Davus.I’m thinking.Pam.What, at last?Davus.Your business shall be done, and presently.SCENEIII.EnterMysis.MysistoGlycerium(within). Be where he will, I’ll find your Pamphilus,And bring him with me. Meanwhile, you, my soul,Forbear to vex yourself.Pam.Mysis!Mysis.Who’s there?Oh Pamphilus, well met, Sir!Pam.What’s the matter?Mysis.My mistress, by the love you bear her, begsYour presence instantly. She longs to see you.Pam.Ah, I’m undone: This sore breaks out afresh.Unhappy that we are, through your curs’d means,To be tormented thus. (ToDavus.)—She has been toldA nuptial is prepar’d and therefore sends.Char.From which how safe you were, had he been quiet! (Pointing toDavus.)Davus.Aye, if he raves not of himself enough,Do, irritate him. (ToCharinus.)Mysis.Truly that’s the cause;And therefore ’tis, poor soul, she sorrows thus.Pam.Mysis, I swear to thee by all the Gods,I never will desert her: though assur’dThat I for her make all mankind my foes.I sought her, carried her: our hearts are one,And farewell they that wish us put asunder!Death, naught but death shall part us.Mysis.I revive.Pam.Apollo’s oracles are not more true.If that my father may be wrought upon,To think I hinder’d not the match, ’tis well:But if that can not be, come what come may,Why let him know, ’twas I—What think you now? (ToCharinus.)Char.That we are wretches both.Davus.My brain ’s at work.Char.O brave!Pam.I know what you’d attempt.Davus.Well, well!I will effect it for you.Pam.Aye, but now.Davus.E’en now.Char.What is’t?Davus.For him, Sir, not for you.Be not mistaken.Char.I am satisfied.Pam.Say, what do you propose?Davus.This day, I fear,Is scarce sufficient for the execution,So think not I have leisure to relate.Hence then! you hinder me: hence, hence I say.Pam.I’ll to Glycerium.Exit.Davus.Well, and what mean you?Whither will you, Sir?Char.Shall I speak the truth?Davus.Oh to be sure: now for a tedious tale!Char.What will become of me?Davus.How! not content!Is it not then sufficient, if I give youThe respite of a day, a little day,By putting off his wedding?Char.Aye, but Davus,——Davus.But what?Char.That I may wed——Davus.Ridiculous!Char.If you succeed, come to me.Davus.Wherefore come?I can’t assist you.Char.Should it so fall out——Davus.Well, well, I’ll come.Char.If aught, I am at home.Exit.SCENE IV.ManentDavus,Mysis.Davus.Mysis, wait here till I come forth.Mysis.For what?Davus.It must be so.Mysis.Make haste then.Davus.In a moment.Exit toGlycerium’s.SCENE V.Mysisalone.Can we securely then count nothing ours?Oh all ye Gods! I thought this PamphilusThe greatest good my mistress could obtain,Friend, lover, husband, ev’ry way a blessing:And yet what woe, poor wretch, endures she notOn his account? Alas, more ill than good.But here comes Davus.SCENE VI.Re-enterDavuswith the child.Mysis.Prithee, man, what now?Where are you carrying the child?Davus.Oh, Mysis,Now have I need of all your ready wit,And all your cunning.Mysis.What are you about?Davus.Quick, take the boy, and lay him at our door.Mysis.What, on the bare ground?Davus.From the altar thenTake herbs and strew them underneath.Mysis.And whyCan’t you do that yourself?Davus.Because, supposingThere should be need to swear to my old masterI did not lay the bantling there myselfI may with a safe conscience.Mysis.I conceive.Davus.Because, that ifMy master chance to put me to my oathThat ’twas not I who laid it there, I mayWith a safe conscience swear. (Gives her the child.)Mysis.I understand.But pray how came this sudden qualm upon you?Davus.Nay, but be quick, that you may comprehendWhat I propose.— (Mysislays the child atSimo’sdoor.)Oh Jupiter! (Looking out.)Mysis.What now?Davus.Here comes the father of the bride!—I changeMy first-intended purpose.Mysis.What you meanI can’t imagine.Davus.This way from the right,I’ll counterfeit to come:—And be’t your careTo throw in aptly now and then a word,To help out the discourse as need requires.Mysis.Still what you’re at, I can not comprehend.But if I can assist, as you know best,Not to obstruct your purposes, I’ll stay. (Davusretires.)SCENE VII.EnterChremesgoing towardSimo’s.
Simo.I return to seeWhat they’re about, or what they meditate.Davus.Now is he sure that you’ll refuse to wed.From some dark corner brooding o’er black thoughtsHe comes, and fancies he has fram’d a speechTo disconcert you. See, you keep your ground.Pam.If I can, Davus.Davus.Trust me, Pamphilus,Your father will not change a single wordIn anger with you, do but say you’ll wed.
Simo.I return to see
What they’re about, or what they meditate.
Davus.Now is he sure that you’ll refuse to wed.
From some dark corner brooding o’er black thoughts
He comes, and fancies he has fram’d a speech
To disconcert you. See, you keep your ground.
Pam.If I can, Davus.
Davus.Trust me, Pamphilus,
Your father will not change a single word
In anger with you, do but say you’ll wed.
EnterByrrhiabehind.
Byr.To-day my master bade me leave all elseFor Pamphilus, and watch how he proceeds,About his marriage; wherefore I have nowFollowed the old man hither: yonder tooStands Pamphilus himself, and with him Davus.To business then!Simo.I see them both together.Davus.Now mind. (Apart toPam.)Simo.Here, Pamphilus!Davus.Now turn about,As taken unawares. (Apart.)Pam.Who calls? my father!Davus.Well said! (Apart.)Pam.Who calls? my father! (Apart.)Simo.It is my pleasure, that to-day,As I have told you once before, you marry.Davus.Now on our part, I fear what he’ll reply. (Aside.)Pam.In that, and all the rest of your commands,I shall be ready to obey you, Sir!Byr.How’s that! (Overhearing.)Davus.Struck dumb. (Aside.)Byr.What said he? (Listening.)Simo.You performYour duty, when you cheerfully complyWith my desires.Davus.There! said I not the truth? (Apart toPam.)Byr.My master then, so far as I can find,May whistle for a wife.Simo.Now then go inThat when you’re wanted you be found.Pam.I go.Exit.Byr.Is there no faith in the affairs of men?’Tis an old saying and a true one too;“Of all mankind each loves himself the best.”I’ve seen the lady; know her beautiful;And therefore sooner pardon Pamphilus,If he had rather win her to his arms,Than yield her to th’ embraces of my master.I will go bear these tidings, and receiveMuch evil treatment for my evil news.Exit.
Byr.To-day my master bade me leave all else
For Pamphilus, and watch how he proceeds,
About his marriage; wherefore I have now
Followed the old man hither: yonder too
Stands Pamphilus himself, and with him Davus.
To business then!
Simo.I see them both together.
Davus.Now mind. (Apart toPam.)
Simo.Here, Pamphilus!
Davus.Now turn about,As taken unawares. (Apart.)Pam.Who calls? my father!Davus.Well said! (Apart.)Pam.Who calls? my father! (Apart.)
Davus.Now turn about,
As taken unawares. (Apart.)
Pam.Who calls? my father!Davus.Well said! (Apart.)
Pam.Who calls? my father!
Davus.Well said! (Apart.)
Pam.Who calls? my father! (Apart.)
Simo.It is my pleasure, that to-day,
As I have told you once before, you marry.
Davus.Now on our part, I fear what he’ll reply. (Aside.)
Pam.In that, and all the rest of your commands,
I shall be ready to obey you, Sir!
Byr.How’s that! (Overhearing.)
Davus.Struck dumb. (Aside.)
Byr.What said he? (Listening.)
Simo.You perform
Your duty, when you cheerfully comply
With my desires.
Davus.There! said I not the truth? (Apart toPam.)
Byr.My master then, so far as I can find,
May whistle for a wife.
Simo.Now then go in
That when you’re wanted you be found.
Pam.I go.
Exit.
Byr.Is there no faith in the affairs of men?
’Tis an old saying and a true one too;
“Of all mankind each loves himself the best.”
I’ve seen the lady; know her beautiful;
And therefore sooner pardon Pamphilus,
If he had rather win her to his arms,
Than yield her to th’ embraces of my master.
I will go bear these tidings, and receive
Much evil treatment for my evil news.
Exit.
ManentSimoandDavus.
Davus.Now he supposes I’ve some trick in hand,And loiter here to practice it on him!Simo.Well, what now, Davus?Davus.Nothing.Simo.Nothing, say you?Davus.Nothing at all.Simo.And yet I look’d for something.Davus.So, I perceive, you did:—This nettles him. (Aside.)Simo.Can you speak truth?Davus.Most easily.Simo.Say then,Is not this wedding irksome to my son,From his adventure with the Andrian?Davus.No faith; or if at all, ’twill only beTwo or three days’ anxiety, you know;Then ’twill be over: for he sees the thingIn its true light.Simo.I praise him for’t.Davus.While youRestrain’d him not; and while his youth allow’d’Tis true he lov’d; but even then by stealth,’Tis true he lov’d; and even then by stealth,As wise men ought, and careful of his fame.Now his age calls for matrimony, nowTo matrimony he inclines his mind.Simo.Yet, in my eyes, he seem’d a little sad.Davus.Not upon that account. He has he thinksAnother reason to complain of you.Simo.For what?Davus.A trifle.Simo.Well, what is’t?Davus.Nay, nothing.Simo.Tell me, what is’t?Davus.You are then, he complains,Somewhat too sparing of expense.Simo.I?Davus.You.A feast of scarce ten Drachms? Does this, says he,Look like a wedding-supper for his son?What friends can I invite? especiallyAt such a time as this?—and, truly, Sir,You have been very frugal; much too sparing.I can’t commend you for it.Simo.Hold your peace.Davus.I’ve ruffled him. (Aside.)Simo.I’ll look to that. Away!ExitDavus.What now? What means the varlet? Precious rogue,For if there’s any knavery on foot,He, I am sure, is the contriver on’t.Exit.
Davus.Now he supposes I’ve some trick in hand,
And loiter here to practice it on him!
Simo.Well, what now, Davus?
Davus.Nothing.
Simo.Nothing, say you?
Davus.Nothing at all.
Simo.And yet I look’d for something.
Davus.So, I perceive, you did:—This nettles him. (Aside.)
Simo.Can you speak truth?
Davus.Most easily.
Simo.Say then,
Is not this wedding irksome to my son,
From his adventure with the Andrian?
Davus.No faith; or if at all, ’twill only be
Two or three days’ anxiety, you know;
Then ’twill be over: for he sees the thing
In its true light.
Simo.I praise him for’t.
Davus.While youRestrain’d him not; and while his youth allow’d’Tis true he lov’d; but even then by stealth,’Tis true he lov’d; and even then by stealth,As wise men ought, and careful of his fame.Now his age calls for matrimony, nowTo matrimony he inclines his mind.
Davus.While you
Restrain’d him not; and while his youth allow’d
’Tis true he lov’d; but even then by stealth,
’Tis true he lov’d; and even then by stealth,
As wise men ought, and careful of his fame.
Now his age calls for matrimony, now
To matrimony he inclines his mind.
Simo.Yet, in my eyes, he seem’d a little sad.
Davus.Not upon that account. He has he thinks
Another reason to complain of you.
Simo.For what?
Davus.A trifle.
Simo.Well, what is’t?
Davus.Nay, nothing.
Simo.Tell me, what is’t?
Davus.You are then, he complains,
Somewhat too sparing of expense.
Simo.I?
Davus.You.
A feast of scarce ten Drachms? Does this, says he,
Look like a wedding-supper for his son?
What friends can I invite? especially
At such a time as this?—and, truly, Sir,
You have been very frugal; much too sparing.
I can’t commend you for it.
Simo.Hold your peace.
Davus.I’ve ruffled him. (Aside.)
Simo.I’ll look to that. Away!
ExitDavus.
What now? What means the varlet? Precious rogue,
For if there’s any knavery on foot,
He, I am sure, is the contriver on’t.
Exit.
Simo,Davus, coming out ofSimo’shouse.—Mysis,Lesbia, going toward the house ofGlycerium.
Mysis.Aye, marry, ’tis as you say, Lesbia:Women scarce ever find a constant man.Simo.The Andrian’s maid-servant! Is’t not?Davus.Aye.Mysis.But Pamphilus——Simo.What says she? (Overhearing.)Mysis.Has been true.Simo.How’s that? (Overhearing.)Davus.Would he were deaf, or she were dumb! (Aside.)Mysis.For the child, boy, or girl, he has resolv’dTo educate.Simo.O Jupiter! what’s thisI hear? If this be true, I’m lost indeed.Lesbia.A good young Gentleman!Mysis.Oh, very good.But in, in, lest you make her wait.Lesbia.I follow.ExeuntMysisandLesbia.
Mysis.Aye, marry, ’tis as you say, Lesbia:
Women scarce ever find a constant man.
Simo.The Andrian’s maid-servant! Is’t not?
Davus.Aye.
Mysis.But Pamphilus——
Simo.What says she? (Overhearing.)
Mysis.Has been true.
Simo.How’s that? (Overhearing.)
Davus.Would he were deaf, or she were dumb! (Aside.)
Mysis.For the child, boy, or girl, he has resolv’d
To educate.
Simo.O Jupiter! what’s this
I hear? If this be true, I’m lost indeed.
Lesbia.A good young Gentleman!
Mysis.Oh, very good.
But in, in, lest you make her wait.
Lesbia.I follow.
ExeuntMysisandLesbia.
ManentSimo,Davus.
Davus.Unfortunate! What remedy! (Aside.)Simo.How’s this? (To himself.)And can he be so mad? What! educateA harlot’s child!—Ah, now I know their drift:Fool that I was, scarce smelt it out at last.Davus(listening). What’s this he says he has smelt out?Simo.Imprimis, (To himself.)’Tis this rogue’s trick upon me. All a sham:A counterfeit deliv’ry, and mock labor,Devis’d to frighten Chremes from the match.Gly.(within). Juno Lucina, save me! Help, I pray thee.Simo.Heyday! Already! Oh ridiculous!Soon as she heard that I was at the doorShe hastens to cry out: your incidentsAre ill-tim’d, Davus.Davus.Mine, Sir?Simo.Are your playersUnmindful of their cues, and want a prompter?Davus.I do not comprehend you.Simo(apart.) If this knaveHad, in the real nuptial of my son,Come thus upon me unprepar’d, what sport,What scorn he’d have exposed me to? But nowAt his own peril be it. I’m secure.
Davus.Unfortunate! What remedy! (Aside.)
Simo.How’s this? (To himself.)
And can he be so mad? What! educate
A harlot’s child!—Ah, now I know their drift:
Fool that I was, scarce smelt it out at last.
Davus(listening). What’s this he says he has smelt out?
Simo.Imprimis, (To himself.)
’Tis this rogue’s trick upon me. All a sham:
A counterfeit deliv’ry, and mock labor,
Devis’d to frighten Chremes from the match.
Gly.(within). Juno Lucina, save me! Help, I pray thee.
Simo.Heyday! Already! Oh ridiculous!
Soon as she heard that I was at the door
She hastens to cry out: your incidents
Are ill-tim’d, Davus.
Davus.Mine, Sir?
Simo.Are your players
Unmindful of their cues, and want a prompter?
Davus.I do not comprehend you.
Simo(apart.) If this knave
Had, in the real nuptial of my son,
Come thus upon me unprepar’d, what sport,
What scorn he’d have exposed me to? But now
At his own peril be it. I’m secure.
Re-enterLesbia.—Archyllisappears at the door.
LesbiatoArchyllis(within). As yet, Archyllis, all the symptoms seemAs good as might be wish’d in her condition:First, let her make ablution: after that,Drink what I’ve order’d her, and just so much:And presently I will be here again. (Coming forward.)Now, by this good day, Master PamphilusHas got a chopping boy: Heav’n grant it live!For he’s a worthy Gentleman, and scorn’dTo do a wrong to this young innocent.Exit.
LesbiatoArchyllis(within). As yet, Archyllis, all the symptoms seem
As good as might be wish’d in her condition:
First, let her make ablution: after that,
Drink what I’ve order’d her, and just so much:
And presently I will be here again. (Coming forward.)
Now, by this good day, Master Pamphilus
Has got a chopping boy: Heav’n grant it live!
For he’s a worthy Gentleman, and scorn’d
To do a wrong to this young innocent.
Exit.
ManentSimo,Davus.
Simo.This too where’s he that knows you would not swearWas your contrivance?Davus.My contrivance! what, Sir?Simo.While in the house, forsooth, the midwife gaveNo orders for the Lady in the straw:But having issued forth into the street,Bawls out most lustily to those within.—Oh Davus, am I then so much your scorn?Seem I so proper to be play’d upon,With such a shallow, barefac’d, imposition?You might at least, in reverence, have us’dSome spice of art, wer’t only to pretendYou fear’d my anger, should I find you out.Davus.I’ faith now he deceives himself, not I. (Aside.)Simo.Did not I give you warning? threaten too,In case you play’d me false? But all in vain:For what car’d you?—What! think you I believeThis story of a child by Pamphilus?Davus.I see his error: Now I know my game. (Aside.)Simo.Why don’t you answer?Davus.What! you don’t believe it!As if you had not been informed of this? (Archly.)Simo.Inform’d?Davus.What then you found it out yourself?Simo.I been inform’d?Davus.What then you found it out? (Archly.)Simo.D’ye laugh at me?Davus.You must have been inform’d:Or whence this shrewd suspicion?Simo.Whence! from you:Because I know you.Davus.Meaning, this was doneBy my advice?Simo.Beyond all doubt; I know it:Davus.You do not know me, Simo.——Simo.I not know you?Davus.For if I do but speak, immediatelyYou think yourself impos’d on.——Simo.Falsely, hey?Davus.So that I dare not ope my lips before you.Simo.All that I know is this; that nobodyHas been deliver’d here.Davus.You’ve found it out?Yet by-and-by they’ll bring the bantling here,And lay it at our door. Remember, Sir,I give you warning that will be the case;That you may stand prepar’d, nor after say,’Twas done by Davus’s advice, his tricks!I would fain cure your ill opinion of me.Simo.But how d’ye know?Davus.I’ve heard so, and believe so.Besides a thousand different things concurTo lead to this conjecture. First, GlyceriumProfess’d herself with child by Pamphilus:That proves a falsehood. Now as she perceivesA nuptial preparation at our house,A maid’s immediately dispatch’d to bringDavus.I’ve heard so, and believe so.Besides a thousand things concur to leadTo this conjecture. In the first place, sheProfess’d herself with child by Pamphilus:That proves a falsehood. Now that she perceivesA nuptial preparation at our house,A maid’s dispatch’d immediately to bringA midwife to her, and withal a child;You too they will contrive shall see the child,Or else the wedding must proceed.Simo.How’s this?Having discover’d such a plot on foot,Why did you not directly tell my son?Davus.Who then has drawn him from her but myself?For we all know how much he doted on her:But now he wishes for a wife. In fine,Leave that affair to me; and you meanwhilePursue, as you’ve begun, the nuptials; whichThe Gods, I hope, will prosper!Simo.Get you in.Wait for me there, and see that you prepareWhat’s requisite.ExitDavus.He has not wrought upon meTo yield implicit credit to his tale,Nor do I know if all he said be true.But, true or false, it matters not: to meMy Son’s own promise is the main concern.Now to meet Chremes, and to beg his daughterIn marriage with my son. If I succeed,What can I rather wish, than to beholdTheir marriage-rites to-day? For since my sonHas given me his word, I’ve not a doubt,Should he refuse, but I may force him to it:And to my wishes see where Chremes comes.
Simo.This too where’s he that knows you would not swear
Was your contrivance?
Davus.My contrivance! what, Sir?
Simo.While in the house, forsooth, the midwife gave
No orders for the Lady in the straw:
But having issued forth into the street,
Bawls out most lustily to those within.
—Oh Davus, am I then so much your scorn?
Seem I so proper to be play’d upon,
With such a shallow, barefac’d, imposition?
You might at least, in reverence, have us’d
Some spice of art, wer’t only to pretend
You fear’d my anger, should I find you out.
Davus.I’ faith now he deceives himself, not I. (Aside.)
Simo.Did not I give you warning? threaten too,
In case you play’d me false? But all in vain:
For what car’d you?—What! think you I believe
This story of a child by Pamphilus?
Davus.I see his error: Now I know my game. (Aside.)
Simo.Why don’t you answer?
Davus.What! you don’t believe it!As if you had not been informed of this? (Archly.)Simo.Inform’d?Davus.What then you found it out yourself?Simo.I been inform’d?Davus.What then you found it out? (Archly.)Simo.D’ye laugh at me?
Davus.What! you don’t believe it!
As if you had not been informed of this? (Archly.)
Simo.Inform’d?Davus.What then you found it out yourself?
Simo.Inform’d?
Davus.What then you found it out yourself?
Simo.I been inform’d?
Davus.What then you found it out? (Archly.)
Simo.D’ye laugh at me?
Davus.You must have been inform’d:
Or whence this shrewd suspicion?
Simo.Whence! from you:
Because I know you.
Davus.Meaning, this was done
By my advice?
Simo.Beyond all doubt; I know it:
Davus.You do not know me, Simo.——
Simo.I not know you?
Davus.For if I do but speak, immediately
You think yourself impos’d on.——
Simo.Falsely, hey?
Davus.So that I dare not ope my lips before you.
Simo.All that I know is this; that nobody
Has been deliver’d here.
Davus.You’ve found it out?
Yet by-and-by they’ll bring the bantling here,
And lay it at our door. Remember, Sir,
I give you warning that will be the case;
That you may stand prepar’d, nor after say,
’Twas done by Davus’s advice, his tricks!
I would fain cure your ill opinion of me.
Simo.But how d’ye know?Davus.I’ve heard so, and believe so.Besides a thousand different things concurTo lead to this conjecture. First, GlyceriumProfess’d herself with child by Pamphilus:That proves a falsehood. Now as she perceivesA nuptial preparation at our house,A maid’s immediately dispatch’d to bringDavus.I’ve heard so, and believe so.Besides a thousand things concur to leadTo this conjecture. In the first place, sheProfess’d herself with child by Pamphilus:That proves a falsehood. Now that she perceivesA nuptial preparation at our house,A maid’s dispatch’d immediately to bringA midwife to her, and withal a child;You too they will contrive shall see the child,Or else the wedding must proceed.
Simo.But how d’ye know?
Davus.I’ve heard so, and believe so.Besides a thousand different things concurTo lead to this conjecture. First, GlyceriumProfess’d herself with child by Pamphilus:That proves a falsehood. Now as she perceivesA nuptial preparation at our house,A maid’s immediately dispatch’d to bring
Davus.I’ve heard so, and believe so.
Besides a thousand different things concur
To lead to this conjecture. First, Glycerium
Profess’d herself with child by Pamphilus:
That proves a falsehood. Now as she perceives
A nuptial preparation at our house,
A maid’s immediately dispatch’d to bring
Davus.I’ve heard so, and believe so.
Besides a thousand things concur to lead
To this conjecture. In the first place, she
Profess’d herself with child by Pamphilus:
That proves a falsehood. Now that she perceives
A nuptial preparation at our house,
A maid’s dispatch’d immediately to bring
A midwife to her, and withal a child;
You too they will contrive shall see the child,
Or else the wedding must proceed.
Simo.How’s this?
Having discover’d such a plot on foot,
Why did you not directly tell my son?
Davus.Who then has drawn him from her but myself?
For we all know how much he doted on her:
But now he wishes for a wife. In fine,
Leave that affair to me; and you meanwhile
Pursue, as you’ve begun, the nuptials; which
The Gods, I hope, will prosper!
Simo.Get you in.
Wait for me there, and see that you prepare
What’s requisite.
ExitDavus.
He has not wrought upon me
To yield implicit credit to his tale,
Nor do I know if all he said be true.
But, true or false, it matters not: to me
My Son’s own promise is the main concern.
Now to meet Chremes, and to beg his daughter
In marriage with my son. If I succeed,
What can I rather wish, than to behold
Their marriage-rites to-day? For since my son
Has given me his word, I’ve not a doubt,
Should he refuse, but I may force him to it:
And to my wishes see where Chremes comes.
EnterChremes.
Simo.Chremes, good-day!Chremes.The very man I look’d for.Simo.And I for you.Chremes.Well met.—Some persons cameTo tell me you inform’d them, that my daughterWas to be married to your son to-day:And therefore came I here, and fain would knowWhether ’tis you or they have lost their wits.Simo.A moment’s hearing; you shall be inform’d,What I request, and what you wish to know.Chremes.I hear: what would you? speak.Simo.Now by the Gods;Now by our friendship, Chremes, which begunIn infancy, has still increas’d with age;Now by your only daughter, and my son,Whose preservation wholly rests on you;Let me entreat this boon: and let the matchWhich should have been, still be.Chremes.Why, why entreat?Knowing you ought not to beseech this of me.Think you that I am other than I was,When first I gave my promise? If the matchBe good for both, e’en call them forth to wed.But if their union promises more harmThan good to both, you also, I beseech you,Consult our common interest, as ifYou were her father, Pamphilus my son.Simo.E’en in that spirit, I desire it, Chremes,Entreat it may be done; nor would entreat,But that occasion urges.Chremes.What occasion?Simo.A diff’rence ’twixt Glycerium and my son.Chremes.I hear. (Ironically.)Simo.A breach so wide as gives me hopesTo sep’rate them forever.Chremes.Idle tales!Simo.Indeed ’tis thus.Chremes.Aye marry, thus it is.Quarrels of lovers but renew their love.Simo.Prevent we then, I pray, this mischief now;While time permits, while yet his passion’s soreFrom contumelies; ere these women’s wiles,Their wicked arts, and tears made up of fraudShake his weak mind, and melt it to compassion.Give him a wife: by intercourse with her,Knit by the bonds of wedlock, soon I hope,He’ll rise above the guilt that sinks him now.Chremes.So you believe: for me, I can not thinkThat he’ll be constant, or that I can bear it.Simo.How can you know, unless you make the trial?Chremes.Aye, but to make that trial on a daughterIs hard indeed.Simo.The mischief, should he fail,Is only this: divorce, which Heav’n forbid!But mark what benefits if he amend!First, to your friend you will restore a son;Gain to yourself a son-in-law, and matchYour daughter to an honest husband.Chremes.Well!Since you’re so thoroughly convinc’d ’tis right,I can deny you naught that lies in me.Simo.I see I ever lov’d you justly, Chremes.Chremes.But then——Simo.But what?Chremes.From whence are you appriz’dChremes.Whence is’t you knowThat there’s a difference between them?Simo.Davus,Davus, in all their secrets, told me so;Advis’d me too, to hasten on the matchAs fast as possible. Would he, d’ye think,Do that, unless he were full well assur’dMy son desir’d it too?—Hear, what he says.Ho there! call Davus forth.—But here he comes.
Simo.Chremes, good-day!
Chremes.The very man I look’d for.
Simo.And I for you.
Chremes.Well met.—Some persons came
To tell me you inform’d them, that my daughter
Was to be married to your son to-day:
And therefore came I here, and fain would know
Whether ’tis you or they have lost their wits.
Simo.A moment’s hearing; you shall be inform’d,
What I request, and what you wish to know.
Chremes.I hear: what would you? speak.
Simo.Now by the Gods;
Now by our friendship, Chremes, which begun
In infancy, has still increas’d with age;
Now by your only daughter, and my son,
Whose preservation wholly rests on you;
Let me entreat this boon: and let the match
Which should have been, still be.
Chremes.Why, why entreat?
Knowing you ought not to beseech this of me.
Think you that I am other than I was,
When first I gave my promise? If the match
Be good for both, e’en call them forth to wed.
But if their union promises more harm
Than good to both, you also, I beseech you,
Consult our common interest, as if
You were her father, Pamphilus my son.
Simo.E’en in that spirit, I desire it, Chremes,
Entreat it may be done; nor would entreat,
But that occasion urges.
Chremes.What occasion?
Simo.A diff’rence ’twixt Glycerium and my son.
Chremes.I hear. (Ironically.)
Simo.A breach so wide as gives me hopes
To sep’rate them forever.
Chremes.Idle tales!
Simo.Indeed ’tis thus.
Chremes.Aye marry, thus it is.
Quarrels of lovers but renew their love.
Simo.Prevent we then, I pray, this mischief now;
While time permits, while yet his passion’s sore
From contumelies; ere these women’s wiles,
Their wicked arts, and tears made up of fraud
Shake his weak mind, and melt it to compassion.
Give him a wife: by intercourse with her,
Knit by the bonds of wedlock, soon I hope,
He’ll rise above the guilt that sinks him now.
Chremes.So you believe: for me, I can not think
That he’ll be constant, or that I can bear it.
Simo.How can you know, unless you make the trial?
Chremes.Aye, but to make that trial on a daughter
Is hard indeed.
Simo.The mischief, should he fail,
Is only this: divorce, which Heav’n forbid!
But mark what benefits if he amend!
First, to your friend you will restore a son;
Gain to yourself a son-in-law, and match
Your daughter to an honest husband.
Chremes.Well!
Since you’re so thoroughly convinc’d ’tis right,
I can deny you naught that lies in me.
Simo.I see I ever lov’d you justly, Chremes.
Chremes.But then——
Simo.But what?Chremes.From whence are you appriz’dChremes.Whence is’t you knowThat there’s a difference between them?
Simo.But what?
Chremes.From whence are you appriz’d
Chremes.Whence is’t you know
That there’s a difference between them?
Simo.Davus,
Davus, in all their secrets, told me so;
Advis’d me too, to hasten on the match
As fast as possible. Would he, d’ye think,
Do that, unless he were full well assur’d
My son desir’d it too?—Hear, what he says.
Ho there! call Davus forth.—But here he comes.
EnterDavus.
Davus.I was about to seek you.Simo.What’s the matter?Davus.Why is not the bride sent for? it grows late.Simo.D’ye hear him?—Davus, I for some time pastWas fearful of you; lest, like other slaves,As slaves go now, you should put tricks upon me,And baffle me, to favor my son’s love.Davus.I, Sir?Simo.I thought so: and in fear of thatConceal’d a secret which I’ll now disclose.Davus.What secret, Sir?Simo.I’ll tell you: for I nowAlmost begin to think you may be trusted.Davus.You’ve found what sort of man I am at last.Simo.No marriage was intended.Davus.How! none!Simo.None.All counterfeit, to sound my son and you.Davus.How say you?Simo.Even so.Davus.Alack, alack!I never could have thought it. Ah, what art! (Archly.)Simo.Hear me. No sooner had I sent you in.But opportunely I encountered Chremes.Davus.How! are we ruin’d then? (Aside.)Simo.I told him all.That you had just told me,——Davus.Confusion! how? (Aside.)Simo.Begged him to grant his daughter, and at lengthWith much ado prevail’d.Davus.Undone! (Aside.)Simo.How’s that? (Overhearing.)Davus.Well done! I said.Simo.My good friend Chremes thenIs now no obstacle.Chremes.I’ll home a while,Order due preparations, and return.Exit.Simo.Prithee, now, Davus, seeing you aloneHave brought about this match——Davus.Yes, I alone.Simo.Endeavor farther to amend my son.Davus.Most diligently.Simo.It were easy now,While his mind’s irritated.Davus.Be at peace.Simo.Do then: where is he?Davus.Probably at home.Simo.I’ll in, and tell him, what I’ve now told you.Exit.
Davus.I was about to seek you.
Simo.What’s the matter?
Davus.Why is not the bride sent for? it grows late.
Simo.D’ye hear him?—Davus, I for some time past
Was fearful of you; lest, like other slaves,
As slaves go now, you should put tricks upon me,
And baffle me, to favor my son’s love.
Davus.I, Sir?
Simo.I thought so: and in fear of that
Conceal’d a secret which I’ll now disclose.
Davus.What secret, Sir?
Simo.I’ll tell you: for I now
Almost begin to think you may be trusted.
Davus.You’ve found what sort of man I am at last.
Simo.No marriage was intended.
Davus.How! none!
Simo.None.
All counterfeit, to sound my son and you.
Davus.How say you?
Simo.Even so.
Davus.Alack, alack!
I never could have thought it. Ah, what art! (Archly.)
Simo.Hear me. No sooner had I sent you in.
But opportunely I encountered Chremes.
Davus.How! are we ruin’d then? (Aside.)
Simo.I told him all.
That you had just told me,——
Davus.Confusion! how? (Aside.)
Simo.Begged him to grant his daughter, and at length
With much ado prevail’d.
Davus.Undone! (Aside.)
Simo.How’s that? (Overhearing.)
Davus.Well done! I said.
Simo.My good friend Chremes then
Is now no obstacle.
Chremes.I’ll home a while,
Order due preparations, and return.
Exit.
Simo.Prithee, now, Davus, seeing you alone
Have brought about this match——
Davus.Yes, I alone.
Simo.Endeavor farther to amend my son.
Davus.Most diligently.
Simo.It were easy now,
While his mind’s irritated.
Davus.Be at peace.
Simo.Do then: where is he?
Davus.Probably at home.
Simo.I’ll in, and tell him, what I’ve now told you.
Exit.
Davusalone.
Lost and undone! To prison with me straight!No prayer, no plea: for I have ruin’d all!Deceiv’d the old man, hamper’d PamphilusWith marriage; marriage, brought about to-dayBy my sole means; beyond the hopes of one;Against the other’s will.——Oh, cunning fool!Had I been quiet, all had yet been well.But see, he’s coming. Would my neck were broken! (Retires.)
Lost and undone! To prison with me straight!
No prayer, no plea: for I have ruin’d all!
Deceiv’d the old man, hamper’d Pamphilus
With marriage; marriage, brought about to-day
By my sole means; beyond the hopes of one;
Against the other’s will.——Oh, cunning fool!
Had I been quiet, all had yet been well.
But see, he’s coming. Would my neck were broken! (Retires.)
EnterPamphilus;Davusbehind.
Pam.Where is this villain that has ruined me?Davus.I’m a lost man.Pam.And yet I must confess,That I deserv’d this, being such a dolt,A very idiot, to commit my fortunesTo a vile slave. I suffer for my folly,But will at least take vengeance upon him.Davus.Let me but once escape the present danger,I’ll answer for hereafter.But will at least take vengeance on him.Davus.If I can but escape this mischief now,I’ll answer for hereafter.Pam.To my fatherWhat shall I say?—And can I then refuse,Who have but now consented? with what face?I know not what to do.Davus.I’faith, nor I;And yet it takes up all my thoughts. I’ll tell himI’ve hit on something to delay the match.Pam.Oh! (SeeingDavus.)Davus.I am seen.Pam.So, good Sir! What say you?See, how I’m hamper’d with your fine advice.Davus(coming forward). But I’ll deliver you.Pam.Deliver me?Davus.Certainly, Sir.Pam.What, as you did just now?Davus.Better, I hope.Pam.And can you then believeThat I would trust you, rascal? You amendMy broken fortunes, or redeem them lost?You, who to-day, from the most happy state,Have thrown me upon marriage.—Did not IForetell it would be thus?Davus.You did indeed.Pam.And what do you deserve for this?Davus.The gallows.—Yet suffer me to take a little breath,I’ll devise something presently.Pam.Alas,I have not leisure for your punishment.The time demands attention to myself,Nor will be wasted in revenge on you.
Pam.Where is this villain that has ruined me?
Davus.I’m a lost man.
Pam.And yet I must confess,That I deserv’d this, being such a dolt,A very idiot, to commit my fortunesTo a vile slave. I suffer for my folly,But will at least take vengeance upon him.Davus.Let me but once escape the present danger,I’ll answer for hereafter.But will at least take vengeance on him.Davus.If I can but escape this mischief now,I’ll answer for hereafter.
Pam.And yet I must confess,
That I deserv’d this, being such a dolt,
A very idiot, to commit my fortunes
To a vile slave. I suffer for my folly,
But will at least take vengeance upon him.Davus.Let me but once escape the present danger,I’ll answer for hereafter.
But will at least take vengeance upon him.
Davus.Let me but once escape the present danger,
I’ll answer for hereafter.
But will at least take vengeance on him.
Davus.If I can but escape this mischief now,
I’ll answer for hereafter.
Pam.To my father
What shall I say?—And can I then refuse,
Who have but now consented? with what face?
I know not what to do.
Davus.I’faith, nor I;
And yet it takes up all my thoughts. I’ll tell him
I’ve hit on something to delay the match.
Pam.Oh! (SeeingDavus.)
Davus.I am seen.
Pam.So, good Sir! What say you?
See, how I’m hamper’d with your fine advice.
Davus(coming forward). But I’ll deliver you.
Pam.Deliver me?
Davus.Certainly, Sir.
Pam.What, as you did just now?
Davus.Better, I hope.
Pam.And can you then believe
That I would trust you, rascal? You amend
My broken fortunes, or redeem them lost?
You, who to-day, from the most happy state,
Have thrown me upon marriage.—Did not I
Foretell it would be thus?
Davus.You did indeed.
Pam.And what do you deserve for this?
Davus.The gallows.
—Yet suffer me to take a little breath,
I’ll devise something presently.
Pam.Alas,
I have not leisure for your punishment.
The time demands attention to myself,
Nor will be wasted in revenge on you.
Charinusalone.
Is this to be believ’d, or to be told?Can then such inbred malice live in man,To joy in ill, and from another’s woesTo draw his own delight?—Ah, is’t then so?—Yes, such there are, the meanest of mankind,Who, from a sneaking bashfulness, at firstDare not refuse; but when the time comes onTo make their promise good, then forceperforceOpen themselves and fear: yet must deny.Then too, oh shameless impudence, they cry,“Who then are you? and what are you to me?Why should I render up my love to you?Faith, neighbor, charity begins at home.”—Speak of their broken faith, they blush not, they,Now throwing off that shame they ought to wear,Which they before assum’d without a cause.—What shall I do? go to him? on my wrongsExpostulate, and throw reproaches on him?What will that profit, say you?——very much.I shall at least imbitter his delight,And gratify my anger.
Is this to be believ’d, or to be told?
Can then such inbred malice live in man,
To joy in ill, and from another’s woes
To draw his own delight?—Ah, is’t then so?
—Yes, such there are, the meanest of mankind,
Who, from a sneaking bashfulness, at first
Dare not refuse; but when the time comes on
To make their promise good, then forceperforce
Open themselves and fear: yet must deny.
Then too, oh shameless impudence, they cry,
“Who then are you? and what are you to me?
Why should I render up my love to you?
Faith, neighbor, charity begins at home.”
—Speak of their broken faith, they blush not, they,
Now throwing off that shame they ought to wear,
Which they before assum’d without a cause.
—What shall I do? go to him? on my wrongs
Expostulate, and throw reproaches on him?
What will that profit, say you?——very much.
I shall at least imbitter his delight,
And gratify my anger.
To himPamphilusandDavus.
Pam.Oh, Charinus,By my imprudence, unless Heav’n forefend,I’ve ruin’d both myself and you.Char.Imprudence!Paltry evasion! you have broke your faith.Pam.What now?Char.And do you think that words like theseCan baffle me again?Pam.What means all this?Char.Soon as I told you of my passion for her,Then she had charms for you.——Ah, senseless fool,To judge your disposition by my own!Pam.You are mistaken.Char.Was your joy no joy,Without abusing a fond lover’s mind,Fool’d on with idle hopes?—Well, take her.Pam.Take her?Alas, you know not what a wretch I am:How many cares this slave has brought upon me,My rascal here.Char.No wonder if he takesExample from his master.Pam.Ah, you know notMe, or my love, or else you would not talk thus.Char.Oh yes, I know it all. You had but nowA dreadful altercation with your father:And therefore he’s enrag’d, nor could prevailOn you, forsooth, to wed. (Ironically.)Pam.To show you then,How little you conceive of my distress,These nuptials were mere semblance, mock’ry all,Nor was a wife intended me.Char.I know it:You are constrain’d, poor man, by inclination.Pam.Nay, but have patience! you don’t know——Char.I knowThat you’re to marry her.Pam.Why rack me thus?Nay hear! he never ceas’d to importuneThat I would tell my father, I would wed;So press’d, and urg’d, that he at length prevail’d.Char.Who did this?Pam.Davus.Char.Davus!Pam.Davus all.Char.Wherefore?Pam.I know not: but I know the GodsMeant in their anger I should listen to him.Char.Is it so, Davus?Davus.Even so.Char.How, villain?The Gods confound you for it!—Tell me, wretchHad all his most inveterate foes desir’dTo throw him on this marriage, what adviceCould they have given else?Davus.I am deceiv’d,But not dishearten’d.Char.True. (Ironically.)Davus.This way has fail’d;We’ll try another way: unless you thinkBecause the business has gone ill at first,We can not graft advantage on misfortune.Pam.Oh aye, I warrant you, if you look to ’t,Out of one wedding you can work me two.Davus.Pamphilus, ’tis my duty, as your slave,To strive with might and main, by day and nightWith hazard of my life, to do you service:’Tis yours, if I am cross’d, to pardon me.My undertakings fail indeed, but thenI spare no pains. Do better, if you can,And send me packing.Pam.Aye, with all my heart:Place me but where you found me first.Davus.I will.Pam.But do it instantly.Davus.Hist! hold a while:I hear the creaking of Glycerium’s door.Pam.Nothing to you.Davus.I’m thinking.Pam.What, at last?Davus.Your business shall be done, and presently.
Pam.Oh, Charinus,
By my imprudence, unless Heav’n forefend,
I’ve ruin’d both myself and you.
Char.Imprudence!
Paltry evasion! you have broke your faith.
Pam.What now?
Char.And do you think that words like these
Can baffle me again?
Pam.What means all this?
Char.Soon as I told you of my passion for her,
Then she had charms for you.——Ah, senseless fool,
To judge your disposition by my own!
Pam.You are mistaken.
Char.Was your joy no joy,
Without abusing a fond lover’s mind,
Fool’d on with idle hopes?—Well, take her.
Pam.Take her?
Alas, you know not what a wretch I am:
How many cares this slave has brought upon me,
My rascal here.
Char.No wonder if he takes
Example from his master.
Pam.Ah, you know not
Me, or my love, or else you would not talk thus.
Char.Oh yes, I know it all. You had but now
A dreadful altercation with your father:
And therefore he’s enrag’d, nor could prevail
On you, forsooth, to wed. (Ironically.)
Pam.To show you then,
How little you conceive of my distress,
These nuptials were mere semblance, mock’ry all,
Nor was a wife intended me.
Char.I know it:
You are constrain’d, poor man, by inclination.
Pam.Nay, but have patience! you don’t know——
Char.I know
That you’re to marry her.
Pam.Why rack me thus?
Nay hear! he never ceas’d to importune
That I would tell my father, I would wed;
So press’d, and urg’d, that he at length prevail’d.
Char.Who did this?
Pam.Davus.
Char.Davus!
Pam.Davus all.
Char.Wherefore?
Pam.I know not: but I know the Gods
Meant in their anger I should listen to him.
Char.Is it so, Davus?
Davus.Even so.
Char.How, villain?
The Gods confound you for it!—Tell me, wretch
Had all his most inveterate foes desir’d
To throw him on this marriage, what advice
Could they have given else?
Davus.I am deceiv’d,
But not dishearten’d.
Char.True. (Ironically.)
Davus.This way has fail’d;
We’ll try another way: unless you think
Because the business has gone ill at first,
We can not graft advantage on misfortune.
Pam.Oh aye, I warrant you, if you look to ’t,
Out of one wedding you can work me two.
Davus.Pamphilus, ’tis my duty, as your slave,
To strive with might and main, by day and night
With hazard of my life, to do you service:
’Tis yours, if I am cross’d, to pardon me.
My undertakings fail indeed, but then
I spare no pains. Do better, if you can,
And send me packing.
Pam.Aye, with all my heart:
Place me but where you found me first.
Davus.I will.
Pam.But do it instantly.
Davus.Hist! hold a while:
I hear the creaking of Glycerium’s door.
Pam.Nothing to you.
Davus.I’m thinking.
Pam.What, at last?
Davus.Your business shall be done, and presently.
EnterMysis.
MysistoGlycerium(within). Be where he will, I’ll find your Pamphilus,And bring him with me. Meanwhile, you, my soul,Forbear to vex yourself.Pam.Mysis!Mysis.Who’s there?Oh Pamphilus, well met, Sir!Pam.What’s the matter?Mysis.My mistress, by the love you bear her, begsYour presence instantly. She longs to see you.Pam.Ah, I’m undone: This sore breaks out afresh.Unhappy that we are, through your curs’d means,To be tormented thus. (ToDavus.)—She has been toldA nuptial is prepar’d and therefore sends.Char.From which how safe you were, had he been quiet! (Pointing toDavus.)Davus.Aye, if he raves not of himself enough,Do, irritate him. (ToCharinus.)Mysis.Truly that’s the cause;And therefore ’tis, poor soul, she sorrows thus.Pam.Mysis, I swear to thee by all the Gods,I never will desert her: though assur’dThat I for her make all mankind my foes.I sought her, carried her: our hearts are one,And farewell they that wish us put asunder!Death, naught but death shall part us.Mysis.I revive.Pam.Apollo’s oracles are not more true.If that my father may be wrought upon,To think I hinder’d not the match, ’tis well:But if that can not be, come what come may,Why let him know, ’twas I—What think you now? (ToCharinus.)Char.That we are wretches both.Davus.My brain ’s at work.Char.O brave!Pam.I know what you’d attempt.Davus.Well, well!I will effect it for you.Pam.Aye, but now.Davus.E’en now.Char.What is’t?Davus.For him, Sir, not for you.Be not mistaken.Char.I am satisfied.Pam.Say, what do you propose?Davus.This day, I fear,Is scarce sufficient for the execution,So think not I have leisure to relate.Hence then! you hinder me: hence, hence I say.Pam.I’ll to Glycerium.Exit.Davus.Well, and what mean you?Whither will you, Sir?Char.Shall I speak the truth?Davus.Oh to be sure: now for a tedious tale!Char.What will become of me?Davus.How! not content!Is it not then sufficient, if I give youThe respite of a day, a little day,By putting off his wedding?Char.Aye, but Davus,——Davus.But what?Char.That I may wed——Davus.Ridiculous!Char.If you succeed, come to me.Davus.Wherefore come?I can’t assist you.Char.Should it so fall out——Davus.Well, well, I’ll come.Char.If aught, I am at home.Exit.
MysistoGlycerium(within). Be where he will, I’ll find your Pamphilus,
And bring him with me. Meanwhile, you, my soul,
Forbear to vex yourself.
Pam.Mysis!
Mysis.Who’s there?
Oh Pamphilus, well met, Sir!
Pam.What’s the matter?
Mysis.My mistress, by the love you bear her, begs
Your presence instantly. She longs to see you.
Pam.Ah, I’m undone: This sore breaks out afresh.
Unhappy that we are, through your curs’d means,
To be tormented thus. (ToDavus.)—She has been told
A nuptial is prepar’d and therefore sends.
Char.From which how safe you were, had he been quiet! (Pointing toDavus.)
Davus.Aye, if he raves not of himself enough,
Do, irritate him. (ToCharinus.)
Mysis.Truly that’s the cause;
And therefore ’tis, poor soul, she sorrows thus.
Pam.Mysis, I swear to thee by all the Gods,
I never will desert her: though assur’d
That I for her make all mankind my foes.
I sought her, carried her: our hearts are one,
And farewell they that wish us put asunder!
Death, naught but death shall part us.
Mysis.I revive.
Pam.Apollo’s oracles are not more true.
If that my father may be wrought upon,
To think I hinder’d not the match, ’tis well:
But if that can not be, come what come may,
Why let him know, ’twas I—What think you now? (ToCharinus.)
Char.That we are wretches both.
Davus.My brain ’s at work.
Char.O brave!
Pam.I know what you’d attempt.
Davus.Well, well!
I will effect it for you.
Pam.Aye, but now.
Davus.E’en now.
Char.What is’t?
Davus.For him, Sir, not for you.
Be not mistaken.
Char.I am satisfied.
Pam.Say, what do you propose?
Davus.This day, I fear,
Is scarce sufficient for the execution,
So think not I have leisure to relate.
Hence then! you hinder me: hence, hence I say.
Pam.I’ll to Glycerium.
Exit.
Davus.Well, and what mean you?
Whither will you, Sir?
Char.Shall I speak the truth?
Davus.Oh to be sure: now for a tedious tale!
Char.What will become of me?
Davus.How! not content!
Is it not then sufficient, if I give you
The respite of a day, a little day,
By putting off his wedding?
Char.Aye, but Davus,——
Davus.But what?
Char.That I may wed——
Davus.Ridiculous!
Char.If you succeed, come to me.
Davus.Wherefore come?
I can’t assist you.
Char.Should it so fall out——
Davus.Well, well, I’ll come.
Char.If aught, I am at home.
Exit.
ManentDavus,Mysis.
Davus.Mysis, wait here till I come forth.Mysis.For what?Davus.It must be so.Mysis.Make haste then.Davus.In a moment.Exit toGlycerium’s.
Davus.Mysis, wait here till I come forth.
Mysis.For what?
Davus.It must be so.
Mysis.Make haste then.
Davus.In a moment.
Exit toGlycerium’s.
Mysisalone.
Can we securely then count nothing ours?Oh all ye Gods! I thought this PamphilusThe greatest good my mistress could obtain,Friend, lover, husband, ev’ry way a blessing:And yet what woe, poor wretch, endures she notOn his account? Alas, more ill than good.But here comes Davus.
Can we securely then count nothing ours?
Oh all ye Gods! I thought this Pamphilus
The greatest good my mistress could obtain,
Friend, lover, husband, ev’ry way a blessing:
And yet what woe, poor wretch, endures she not
On his account? Alas, more ill than good.
But here comes Davus.
Re-enterDavuswith the child.
Mysis.Prithee, man, what now?Where are you carrying the child?Davus.Oh, Mysis,Now have I need of all your ready wit,And all your cunning.Mysis.What are you about?Davus.Quick, take the boy, and lay him at our door.Mysis.What, on the bare ground?Davus.From the altar thenTake herbs and strew them underneath.Mysis.And whyCan’t you do that yourself?Davus.Because, supposingThere should be need to swear to my old masterI did not lay the bantling there myselfI may with a safe conscience.Mysis.I conceive.Davus.Because, that ifMy master chance to put me to my oathThat ’twas not I who laid it there, I mayWith a safe conscience swear. (Gives her the child.)Mysis.I understand.But pray how came this sudden qualm upon you?Davus.Nay, but be quick, that you may comprehendWhat I propose.— (Mysislays the child atSimo’sdoor.)Oh Jupiter! (Looking out.)Mysis.What now?Davus.Here comes the father of the bride!—I changeMy first-intended purpose.Mysis.What you meanI can’t imagine.Davus.This way from the right,I’ll counterfeit to come:—And be’t your careTo throw in aptly now and then a word,To help out the discourse as need requires.Mysis.Still what you’re at, I can not comprehend.But if I can assist, as you know best,Not to obstruct your purposes, I’ll stay. (Davusretires.)
Mysis.Prithee, man, what now?
Where are you carrying the child?
Davus.Oh, Mysis,
Now have I need of all your ready wit,
And all your cunning.
Mysis.What are you about?
Davus.Quick, take the boy, and lay him at our door.
Mysis.What, on the bare ground?
Davus.From the altar then
Take herbs and strew them underneath.
Mysis.And whyCan’t you do that yourself?Davus.Because, supposingThere should be need to swear to my old masterI did not lay the bantling there myselfI may with a safe conscience.Mysis.I conceive.Davus.Because, that ifMy master chance to put me to my oathThat ’twas not I who laid it there, I mayWith a safe conscience swear. (Gives her the child.)Mysis.I understand.But pray how came this sudden qualm upon you?
Mysis.And why
Can’t you do that yourself?
Davus.Because, supposingThere should be need to swear to my old masterI did not lay the bantling there myselfI may with a safe conscience.Mysis.I conceive.
Davus.Because, supposing
There should be need to swear to my old master
I did not lay the bantling there myself
I may with a safe conscience.
Mysis.I conceive.
Davus.Because, that if
My master chance to put me to my oath
That ’twas not I who laid it there, I may
With a safe conscience swear. (Gives her the child.)
Mysis.I understand.
But pray how came this sudden qualm upon you?
Davus.Nay, but be quick, that you may comprehend
What I propose.— (Mysislays the child atSimo’sdoor.)
Oh Jupiter! (Looking out.)
Mysis.What now?
Davus.Here comes the father of the bride!—I change
My first-intended purpose.
Mysis.What you mean
I can’t imagine.
Davus.This way from the right,
I’ll counterfeit to come:—And be’t your care
To throw in aptly now and then a word,
To help out the discourse as need requires.
Mysis.Still what you’re at, I can not comprehend.
But if I can assist, as you know best,
Not to obstruct your purposes, I’ll stay. (Davusretires.)
EnterChremesgoing towardSimo’s.