"Sam! I—upon my word I believe you mean it!"
"Sure I do!"
Neville grasped his hand:
"My dear fellow!" he said cordially, "I was slow, not unsympathetic. I'm frightfully glad—I'm perfectly delighted. She's a charming and sincere woman. Go in and win and God bless you both!"
Ogilvy wrung his hand, then, to relieve his feelings, ran all over the floor like a spider and was pretending to spin a huge web in a corner when Harry Annan and Rita Tevis came in and discovered him.
"Hah!" he exclaimed, "flies! Two nice, silly, appetising flies. Pretend to fall into my web, Rita, and begin to buzz like mad!"
Rita's dainty nose went up into the air, but Annan succumbed to the alluring suggestion, and presently he was buzzing frantically in a corner while Sam spun an imaginary web all over him.
Rita and Neville looked on for a while.
"Sam never will grow up," she said disdainfully.
"He's fortunate," observed Neville.
"Youdon't think so."
"I wish I knew what I did think, Rita. How is John?"
"I came to tell you. He has gone to Dartford."
"To see Dr. Ogilvy? Good! I'm glad, Rita. Billy Ogilvy usually makes people do what he tells them to do."
[Illustration: "Ogilvy … began a lively fencing bout with an imaginary adversary."]
The girl stood silent, eyes lowered. After a while she looked up at him; and in her unfaltering but sorrowful gaze he read the tragedy which he had long since suspected.
Neither spoke for a moment; he held out both hands; she laid hers in them, and her gaze became remote.
After a while she said in a low voice:
"Let me be with you now and then while he's away; will you, Kelly?"
"Yes. Would you like to pose for me? I haven't anything pressing on hand. You might begin now if it suits you."
"May I?" she asked gratefully.
"Of course, child…. Let me think—" He looked again into her dark blue eyes, absently, then suddenly his attention became riveted upon something which he seemed to be reading in her face.
Long before Sam and Harry had ended their puppy-like scuffling and had retired to woo their respective deputy-muses, Rita was seated on the model-stand, and Neville had already begun that strange and sombre picture afterward so famous, and about which one of the finest of our modern poets wrote:
"Her gold hair, fallen about her faceMade light within that shadowy place,But on her garments lay the dustOf many a vanished race.
"Her deep eyes, gazing straight ahead,Saw years and days and hours long dead,While strange gems glittered at her feet,Yellow, and green, and red.
"And ever from the shadows cameVoices to pierce her heart like flame,The great bats fanned her with their wings,The voices called her name.
"But yet her look turned not asideFrom the black deep where dreams abide,Where worlds and pageantries lay deadBeneath that viewless tide.
"Her elbow on her knee was set,Her strong hand propt her chin, and yetNo man might name that look she wore,Nor any man forget."
All day long in the pleasant June weather they worked together over the picture; and if he really knew what he was about, it is uncertain, for his thoughts were of Valerie; and he painted as in a dream, and with a shadowy splendour that seemed even to him unreal.
They scarcely spoke; now and then Rita came silently on sandalled feet to stand behind him and look at what he had done.
The first time she thought to herself, "Querida!" But the second time she remained mute; and when the daylight was waning to a golden gloom in the room she came a third time and stood with one hand on his arm, her eyes fixed upon the dawning mystery on the canvas—spellbound under the sombre magnificence already vaguely shadowed forth from infinite depth of shade.
Gladys came and rubbed and purred around his legs; the most recent progeny toddled after her, ratty tails erect; sportive, casual little optimists frisking unsteadily on wavering legs among the fading sunbeams on the floor.
The sunbeams died out on wall and ceiling; high through the glass roof above, a shoal of rosy clouds paled to saffron, then to a cinder gray. And the first night-hawk, like a huge, erratic swallow, sailed into view, soaring, tumbling aloft, while its short raucous cry sounded incessantly above the roofs and chimneys.
Neville was still seated before his canvas, palette flat across his left arm, the sheaf of wet brushes held loosely.
"I suppose you are dining with Valerie," he said.
"No."
He turned and looked at her, inquiringly.
"Valerie has gone away."
"Where?"
"I don't know, Kelly…. I was not to know."
"I see." He picked up a handful of waste and slowly began to clean the brushes, one by one. Then he drove them deep into a bowl of black soap.
"Shall we dine together here, Rita?"
"If you care to have me."
"Yes, I do."
He laid aside his palette, rang up the kitchen, gave his order, and slowly returned to where Rita was seated.
Dinner was rather a silent affair. They touched briefly and formally on Querida and his ripening talent prematurely annihilated; they spoke of men they knew who were to come after him—a long, long way after him.
"I don't know who is to take his place," mused Neville over his claret.
"You."
"Not his place, Rita. He thought so; but that place must remain his."
"Perhaps. But you are carving out your own niche in a higher tier. You are already beginning to do it; and yesterday his niche was the higher…. Yet, after all—after all—"
[Illustration: "Then Rita came silently on sandalled feet to stand behind him and look at what he had done."]
He nodded. "Yes," he said, "what does it matter to him, now? A man carves out his resting place as you say, but he carves it out in vain. Those who come after him will either place him in his proper sepulchre … or utterly neglect him…. And neglect or transfer will cause him neither happiness nor pain…. Both are ended for Querida;—let men exalt him above all, or bury him and his work out of sight—what does he care about it now? He has had all that life held for him, and what another life may promise him no man can know. All reward for labour is here, Rita; and the reward lasts only while the pleasure in labour lasts. Creative work—even if well done—loses its savour when it is finished. Happiness in it ends with the final touch. It is like a dead thing to him who created it; men's praise or blame makes little impression; and the aftertaste of both is either bitter or flat and lasts but a moment."
"Are you a little morbid, Kelly?"
"Am I?"
"It seems to me so."
"And you, Rita?"
She shook her pretty head in silence.
After a while Gladys jumped up into her lap, and she lay back in her arm-chair smoothing the creature's fur, and gazing absently into space.
"Kelly," she said, "how many, many years ago it seems when you came up to Delaware County to see us."
"It seems very long ago to me, too."
She lifted her blue eyes:
"May I speak plainly? I have known you a long while. There is only one man I like better. But there is no woman in the world whom I love as I love Valerie West…. May I speak plainly?"
"Yes."
"Then—be fair to her, Kelly. Will you?"
"I will try."
"Try very hard. For after all itisa man's world, and she doesn't understand it. Try to be fair to her, Kelly. For—whether or not the laws that govern the world are man-made and unjust—they are, nevertheless, the only laws. Few men can successfully fight them; no woman can—yet…. I am not angering you, am I?"
"No. Go on."
"I have so little to say—I who feel so deeply—deeply…. And the laws are always there, Kelly, always there—fair or unfair, just or unjust—they are always there to govern the world that framed them. And a woman disobeys them at her peril."
She moved slightly in her chair and sat supporting her head on one pretty ringless hand.
"Yet," she said, "although a woman disobeys any law at her peril—laws which a man may often ignore with impunity—there is one law to which no woman should dare subscribe. And it is sometimes known as 'The Common Law of Marriage.'"
She sat silent for a while, her gaze never leaving his shadowy face.
"That is the only law—if it is truly a law—that a woman must ignore. All others it is best for her to observe. And if the laws of marriage are merely man-made or divine, I do not know. There is a din in the world to-day which drowns the voices preaching old beliefs…. And a girl is deafened by the clamour…. And I don't know.
"But, it seems to me, that back of the laws men have made—if there be nothing divine in their inspiration—there is another foundation solid enough to carry them. Because it seems to me that the world's laws—even when unjust—are built on natural laws. And how can a girl say that these natural laws are unjust because they have fashioned her to bear children and feed them from her own body?
"And another thing, Kelly; if a man breaks a man-made law—founded, we believe, on a divine commandment—he suffers only in a spiritual and moral sense…. And with us it may be more than that. For women, at least, hell is on earth."
He stirred in his chair, and his sombre gaze rested on the floor at her feet.
"What are we to do?" he said dully.
Rita shook her head:
"I don't know. I am not instructing you, Kelly, only recalling to your mind what you already know; what all men know, and find so convenient to forget. Love is not excuse enough; the peril is unequally divided. The chances are uneven; the odds are unfair. If a man really loves a woman, how can he hazard her in a game of chance that is not square? How can he let her offer more than he has at stake—even if she is willing? How can he permit her to risk more than he is even able to risk? How can he accept a magnanimity which leaves him her hopeless debtor? But men have done it, men will continue to do it; God alone knows how they reconcile it with their manhood or find it in their hearts to deal so unfairly by us. But they do…. And still we stake all; and proudly overlook the chances against us; and face the contemptible odds with a smile, dauntless and—damned!"
He leaned forward in the dusk; she could see his bloodless features now only as a pale blot in the twilight.
"All this I knew, Rita. But it is just as well, perhaps, that you remind me."
"I thought it might be as well. The world has grown very clever; but after all there is no steadier anchor for a soul than a platitude."
Ogilvy and Annan came mincing in about nine o'clock, disposed for flippancy and gossip; but neither Neville nor Rita encouraged them; so after a while they took their unimpaired cheerfulness and horse-play elsewhere, leaving the two occupants of the studio to their own silent devices.
It was nearly midnight when he walked back with Rita to her rooms.
And now day followed day in a sequence of limpid dawns and cloudless sunsets. Summer began with a clear, hot week in June, followed by three days' steady downpour which freshened and cooled the city and unfolded, in square and park, everything green into magnificent maturity.
Every day Neville and Rita worked together in the studio; and every evening they walked together in the park or sat in the cool, dusky studio, companionably conversational or permitting silence to act as their interpreter.
Then John Burleson came back from Dartford after remaining there ten days under Dr. Ogilvy's observation; and Rita arrived at the studio next day almost smiling.
"We're' going to Arizona," she said. "Whatdo you think of that,Kelly?"
"You poor child!" exclaimed Neville, taking her hands into his and holding them closely.
"Why, Kelly," she said gently, "I knew he had to go. This has not taken me unawares."
"I hoped there might be some doubt," he said.
"There was none in my mind. I foresaw it. Listen to me: twice in a woman's life a woman becomes a prophetess. That fatal clairvoyance is permitted to a woman twice in her life—and the second time it is neither for herself that she foresees the future, nor for him whom she loves…."
"I wish—I wish—" he hesitated; and she flushed brightly.
"I know what you wish, Kelly dear. I don't think it will ever happen. But it is so much for me to be permitted to remain near him—so much!—Ah, you don't know, Kelly! You don't know!"
"Would you marry him?"
Her honest blue eyes met his:
"If he asked me; and if he still wished it—after he knew."
"Could you ever be less to him—and perhaps more, Rita?"
"Do you mean—"
He nodded deliberately.
She hung her head.
"Yes," she said, "if I could be no more I would be what I could."
"And you tellmethat, after all that you have said?"
"I did not pretend to speak for men, Kelly. I told you that women had, and women still would overlook the chances menacing them and face the odds dauntlessly…. Because, whatever a man is—if a woman loves him enough—he is worth to her what she gives."
"Rita! Rita! Is ityouwho content yourself with such sorry philosophy?"
"Yes, it is I. You asked me and I answer you. Whatever I said—I know only one thing now. And you know what that is."
"And where am I to look for sympathy and support in my own decision?What can I think now about all that you have said to me?"
"You will never forget it, Kelly—whatever becomes of the girl who said it. Because it's the truth, no matter whose lips uttered it."
He released her hands and she went away to dress herself for the pose. When she returned and seated herself he picked up his palette and brushes and began in silence.
* * * * *
That evening he went to see John Buries on and found him smoking tranquilly in the midst of disorder. Packing cases, trunks, bundles, boxes were scattered and piled up in every direction, and the master of the establishment, apparently in excellent health, reclined on a lounge in the centre of chaos, the long clay stem of a church-warden pipe between his lips, puffing rings at the ceiling.
"Hello, Kelly!" he exclaimed, sitting up; "I've got to move out of this place. Rita told you all about it, didn't she? Isn't it rotten hard luck?"
"Not a bit of it. What did Billy Ogilvy say?"
"Oh, I've gotitall right. Not seriously yet. What's Arizona like, anyway?"
"Half hell, half paradise, they say."
"Then me for the celestial section. Ogilvy gave me the name of a place"—he fumbled about—"Rita has it, I believe…. Isn't she a corker to go? My conscience, Kelly, what a Godsend it will be to have a Massachusetts girl out there to talk to!"
"Isn't she going as your model?"
"My Lord, man! Don't you talk to a model? Is a nice girl who poses for a fellow anything extra-human or superhuman or—or unhuman or inhuman—so that intelligent conversation becomes impossible?"
"No," began Neville, laughing, but Burleson interrupted excitedly:
"A girl can be anything she chooses if she's all right, can't she? AndRita comes from Massachusetts, doesn't she?"
"Certainly."
"Not only from Massachusetts, but from Hitherford!" added Burleson triumphantly. "I came from Hitherford. My grandfather knew hers. Why, man alive, Rita Tevis is entitled to do anything she chooses to do."
"That's one way of looking at it, anyway," admitted Neville gravely.
"I look at it that way.Youcan't; you're not from Massachusetts; but you have a sort of a New England name, too. It's Yankee, isn't it?"
"Southern."
"Oh," said Burleson, honestly depressed; "Iamsorry. There wereNevilles in Hitherford Lower Falls two hundred years ago. I've alwaysliked to think of you as originating, somehow or other, in MassachusettsBay."
"No, John: unlike McGinty, I am unfamiliar with the cod-thronged ocean deeps…. When are you going?"
"Day after to-morrow. Rita says you don't need her any longer on that picture—"
"Lord, man! If I did I wouldn't hold you up. But don't worry, John; she wouldn't let me…. She's a fine specimen of girl," he added casually.
[Illustration: "'You'd better understand, Kelly, that Rita Tevis is as well born as I am.'"]
"Do you suppose that is news to me?"
"Oh, no; I'm sure you find her amusing—"
"What!"
"Amusing," repeated Neville innocently. "Don't you?"
"That is scarcely the word I would have chosen, Kelly. I have a very warm admiration and a very sincere respect for Rita Tevis—"
"John! You sound like a Puritan making love!"
Burleson was intensely annoyed:
"You'd better understand, Kelly, that Rita Tevis is as well born as I am, and that there would be nothing at all incongruous in any declaration that any decent man might make her!"
"Why, I know that."
"I'm glad you do. And I'm gratified that what you said has given me the opportunity to make myself very plain on the subject of Rita Tevis. It may amaze you to know that her great grandsire carried a flintlock with the Hitherford Minute Men, and fell most respectably at Boston Neck."
"Certainly, John. I knew she was all right. But I wasn't sure you knew it—"
"Confound it! Of course I did. I've always known it. Do you think I'd care for her so much if she wasn't all right?"
Neville smiled at him gravely, then held out his hand:
"Give my love to her, John. I'll see you both again before you go."
For nearly two weeks he had not heard a word from Valerie West. Rita and John Burleson had departed, cheerful, sure of early convalescence and a complete and radical cure.
Neville went with them to the train, but his mind was full of his own troubles and he could scarcely keep his attention on the ponderous conversation of Burleson, who was admonishing him and Ogilvy impartially concerning the true interpretation of creative art.
He turned aside to Rita when opportunity offered and said in a low voice:
"Before you go, tell me where Valerie is."
"I can't, Kelly."
"Did you promise her not to?"
"Yes."
He said, slowly: "I haven't had one word from her in nearly two weeks.Is she well?"
"Yes. She came into town this morning to say good-bye to me."
"I didn't know she was out of town," he said, troubled.
"She has been, and is now. That's all I can tell you, Kelly dear."
"Sheiscoming back, isn't she?"
"I hope so."
"Don't you know?"
She looked into his anxious and miserable face and gently shook her head:
"Idon'tknow, Kelly."
"Didn't she say—intimate anything—"
"No…. I don't think she knows—yet."
He said, very quietly: "If she ever comes to any conclusion that it is better for us both never to meet again—I might be as dead as Querida for any work I should ever again set hand to.
"If she will not marry me, but will let things remain as they are, at least I can go on caring for her and working out this miserable problem of life. But if she goes out of my life, life will go out of me. I know that now."
Rita looked at him pitifully:
"Valerie's mind is her own, Kelly. It is the most honest mind I have ever known; and nothing on earth—no pain that her decision might inflict upon her—would swerve it a hair's breath from what she concludes is the right thing to do."
"I know it," he said, swallowing a sudden throb of fear.
"Then what can I say to you?"
"Nothing. I must wait."
"Kelly, if you loved her enough you would not even wait."
"What!"
"Because her return to you will mean only one thing. Are you going to accept it of her?"
"What can I do? I can't live without her!"
"Herproblem is nobler, Kelly. She is asking herself not whether she can live life through withoutyou—but whether you can live life well, and to the full, withouther?"
Neville flushed painfully.
"Yes," he said, "that isValerie. I'm not worth the anxiety, the sorrow that I have brought her. I'm not worth marrying; and I'm not worth a heavier sacrifice…. I'm trying to think less of myself, Rita, and more of her…. Perhaps, if I knew she were happy, I could stand—losing her…. If she could be—without me—" He checked himself, for the struggle was unnerving him; then he set his face firmly and looked straight at Rita.
"Do you believe she could forget me and be contented and tranquil—if I gave her the chance?"
"Areyoutalking of self-sacrifice forhersake?"
He drew a deep, uneven breath:
"I—suppose it's—that."
"You mean that you're willing to eliminate yourself and give her an opportunity to see a little of the world—a little of its order and tranquillity and quieter happiness?—a chance to meet interesting women and attractive men of her own age—as she is certain to do through her intimacy with the Countess d'Enver?"
"Yes," he said, "that is what must be done…. I've been blind—and rottenly selfish. I did not mean to be…. I've tried to force her—I have done nothing else since I fell in love with her, but force her toward people whom she has a perfect right not to care for—even if they happen to be my own people. She has felt nothing but a steady and stupid pressure from me;—heard from me nothing except importunities—the merciless, obstinate urging of my own views—which, God forgive me, I thought were the only views because they were respectable!"
He stood, head lowered, nervously clenching and unclenching his hands.
"It was not for her own sake—that's the worst of it! It was for my sake—because I've had respectability inculcated until I can't conceive of my doing anything not respectable…. Once, something else got away with me—and I gave it rein for a moment—until checked…. I'm really no different from other men."
"I think you are beginning to be, Kelly."
"Am I? I don't know. But the worst of it was my selfishness—my fixed idea that her marrying me was theonlysalvation for her…. I never thought of giving her a chance of seeing other people—other men—better men—of seeing a tranquil, well-ordered world—of being in it and of it. I behaved as though my world—the fragment inhabited by my friends and family—was the only alternative to this one. I've been a fool, Rita; and a cruel one."
"No, only an average man, Kelly…. If I give you Valerie's address, would you write and give her her freedom—for her own sake?—the freedom to try life in that well-ordered world we speak of?… Because she is very young. Life is all before her. Who can foretell what friends she may be destined to make; what opportunities she may have. I care a great deal for you, Kelly; but I love Valerie…. And, thereareother men in the world after all;—but there is only one Valerie…. And—how truly do you love her?"
"Enough," he said under his breath.
"Enough to—leave her alone?"
"Yes."
"Then write and tell her so. Here is the address."
She slipped a small bit of folded paper into Neville's land.
"We must join the others, now," she said calmly.
Annan had come up, and he and Ogilvy were noisily baiting Burleson amid shouts of laughter and a protesting roar from John.
"Stop it, you wretches," said Rita amiably, entering the little group. "John, are you never going to earn not to pay any attention to this pair of infants?"
"Are you going to kiss me good-bye, Rita, when the train departs?" inquired Sam, anxiously.
"Certainly; I kissed Gladys good-bye—"
"Before all this waiting room full of people?" persisted Sam. "Areyou?"
"Why I'll do it now if you like, Sammy dear."
"They'll take you for my sister," said Sam, disgusted.
"Or your nurse; John, whatisthat man bellowing through the megaphone?"
"Our train," said Burleson, picking up the satchels. He dropped them again to shake the hands that were offered:
"Good-bye, John, dear old fellow! You'll get all over this thing in a jiffy out there You'll be back in no time at all! Don't worry, and get well!"
He smiled confidently and shook all their hands Rita's pretty face was pale; she let Ogilvy kiss her cheek, shook hands with Annan, and then, turning to Neville, put both hands on his shoulders and kissed him on the mouth.
"Give her her chance, Kelly," she whispered … "And it shall be rendered unto you seven-fold."
"No, Rita; it never will be now."
"Who knows?"
"Rita! Rita!" he said under his breath, "when I am ending, she must begin…. You are right: this world needs her. Try as I might, I never could be worth what she is worth without effort. It is my life which does not matter, not hers. I will do what ought to be done. Don't be afraid. I will do it. And thank God that it is not too late."
That night, seated at his desk in the studio, he looked at the calendar. It was the thirteenth day since he had heard from her; the last day but two of the fifteen days she had asked for. The day after to-morrow she would have come, or would have written him that she was renouncing him forever for his own sake. Which might it have been? He would never know now.
He wrote her:
"Dearest of women, Rita has been loyal to you. It was only when I explained to her for what purpose I wished your address that she wisely gave it to me.
"Dearest, from the beginning of our acquaintance and afterward when it ripened into friendship and finally became love, upon you has rested the burden of decision; and I have permitted it.
"Even now, as I am writing here in the studio, the burden lies heavily upon your girl's shoulders and is weighting your girl's heart. And it must not be so any longer.
"I have never, perhaps, really meant to be selfish; a man in love really doesn't know what he means. But now I know what I have done; and what must be undone.
"You were perfectly right. It was for you to say whether you would marry me or not. It was for you to decide whether it was possible or impossible for you to appear as my wife in a world in which you had had no experience. It was for you to generously decide whether a rupture between that world and myself—between my family and myself—would render me—and yourself—eternally unhappy.
"You were free to decide; you used your own intellect, and you so decided. And I had no right to question you—I have no right now. I shall never question you again.
"Then, because you loved me, and because it was the kind of love that ignored self, you offered me a supreme sacrifice. And I did not refuse; I merely continued to fight for what I thought ought to be—distressing, confusing, paining you with the stupid, obstinate reiterations of my importunities. And you stood fast by your colours.
"Dear, Iwaswrong. And so were you. Those were not the only alternatives. I allowed them to appear so because of selfishness…. Alas, Valerie, in spite of all I have protested and professed of love and passion for you, to-day, for the first time, have I really loved you enough to consider you, alone. And with God's help I will do so always.
"You have offered me two alternatives: to give yourself and your life to me without marriage; or to quietly slip out of my life forever.
"And it never occurred to you—and I say, with shame, that it never occurred to me—that I might quietly efface myself and my demands fromyourlife: leave you free and at peace to rest and develop in that new and quieter world which your beauty and goodness has opened to you.
"Desirable people have met you more than half-way, and they like you.Your little friend, Hélène d'Enver is a genuine and charming woman.Your friendship for her will mean all that you have so far missed inlife all that a girl is entitled to.
"Through her you will widen the circle of your acquaintances and form newer and better friendships You will meet men and women of your own age and your own tastes which is what ought to happen.
"And it is right and just and fair that you enter into the beginning of your future with a mind unvexed and a heart untroubled by conflicts which can never solve for you and me any future life together.
"I do not believe you will ever forget me, or wish to, wholly. Time heals—otherwise the world had gone mad some centuries ago.
"But whatever destiny is reserved for you, I know you will meet it with the tranquillity and the sweet courage which you have always shown.
"What kind of future I wish for you, I need not write here. You know. And it is for the sake of that future—for the sake of the girl whose unselfish life has at last taught me and shamed me, that I give you up forever.
"Dear, perhaps you had better not answer this for a long, long time. Then, when that clever surgeon, Time, has effaced all scars—and when not only tranquillity is yours but, perhaps, a deeper happiness is in sight, write and tell me so. And the great god Kelly, nodding before his easel, will rouse up from his Olympian revery and totter away to find a sheaf of blessings to bestow upon the finest, truest, and loveliest girl in all the world.
"Halcyonii dies! Fortem posce animum! Forsan et haec olim meminisse juvabit. Vale!
The fifteenth day of her absence had come and gone and there had been no word from her.
Whether or not he had permitted himself to expect any, the suspense had been none the less almost unendurable. He walked the floor of the studio all day long, scarcely knowing what he was about, insensible to fatigue or to anything except the dull, ceaseless beating of his heart. He seemed older, thinner:—a man whose sands were running very swiftly.
With the dawn of the fifteenth day of her absence a gray pallor had come into his face; and it remained there. Ogilvy and Annan sauntered into the studio to visit him, twice, and the second time they arrived bearing gifts—favourite tonics, prescriptions, and pills.
"You look like hell, Kelly," observed Sam with tactful and characteristic frankness. "Try a few of this assorted dope. Harry and I dote on dope:
"'After the bat is over,After the last cent's spent,And the pigs have gone from the cloverAnd the very last gent has went;After the cards are scattered,After I've paid the bill,Weary and rocky and batteredI swallow my liver pill!'"
—he sang, waltzing slowly around the room with Annan until, inadvertently, they stepped upon the tail of Gladys who went off like a pack of wet fire-crackers; whereupon they retired in confusion to their respective abodes above.
Evening came, and with evening, letters; but none from her. And slowly the stealthy twilight hours dragged their heavy minutes toward darkness; and night crawled into the room like some sinister living thing, and found him still pacing the floor.
Through the dusky June silence far below in the street sounded the clatter of wheels; but they never stopped before his abode. Voices rose faintly at moments in the still air, borne upward as from infinite depths; but her voice would never sound again for him: he knew it now—never again for him. And yet he paced the floor, listening. The pain in his heart grew duller at intervals, benumbed by the tension; but it always returned, sickening him, almost crazing him.
Late in the evening he gave way under the torture—turned coward, and started to write to her. Twice he began letters—pleading with her to forget his letter; begging her to come back. And destroyed them with hands that shook like the hands of a sick man. Then the dull insensibility to pain gave him a little respite, but later the misery and terror of it drove him out into the street with an insane idea of seeking her—of taking the train and finding her.
He throttled that impulse; the struggle exhausted him; and he returned, listlessly, to the door and stood there, vacant-eyed, staring into the lamp-lit street.
Once he caught sight of a shadowy, graceful figure crossing the avenue—a lithe young silhouette against the gas-light—and his heart stood still for an instant but it was not she, and he swayed where he stood, under the agony of reaction, dazed by the rushing recession of emotion.
Then a sudden fear seized him that she might have come while he had been away. He had been as far as the avenue. Could she have come?
But when he arrived at his door he had scarce courage enough to go in. She had a key; she might have entered. Had she entered: was she there, behind the closed door? To go in and find the studio empty seemed almost more than he could endure. But, at last, he went in; and he found the studio empty.
Confused, shaken, tortured, he began again his aimless tour of the place, ranging the four walls like a wild creature dulled to insanity by long imprisonment—passing backward, forward, to and fro, across, around his footsteps timing the dreadful monotone of his heart, his pulse beating, thudding out his doom.
She would never come; never come again. She had determined what was best to do; she had arrived at her decision. Perhaps his letter had convinced her,—had cleared her vision;—the letter which he had been man enough to write—fool enough—God!—perhaps brave enough…. But if what he had done in his madness was bravery, it was an accursed thing; and he set his teeth and cursed himself scarce knowing what he was saying.
It promised to be an endless night for him; and there were other nights to come—interminable nights. And now he began to watch the clock—strained eyes riveted on the stiff gilded hands—and on the little one jerkily, pitilessly recording the seconds and twitching them one by one into eternity.
Nearer and nearer to midnight crept the gilded, flamboyant hour-hand; the gaunter minute-hand was slowly but inexorably overtaking it. Nearer, nearer, they drew together; then came the ominous click; a moment's suspense; the high-keyed gong quivered twelve times under the impact of the tiny steel hammer.
And he never would hear her voice again. And he dropped to his knees asking mercy on them both.
In his dulled ears still lingered the treble ringing echo of the bell—lingered, reiterated, repeated incessantly, until he thought he was going mad. Then, of a sudden, he realised that the telephone was ringing; and he reeled from his knees to his feet, and crept forward into the shadows, feeling his way like a blind man.
"Louis?"
But he could not utter a sound.
"Louis, is it you?"
"Yes," he whispered.
"What is the matter? Are you ill? Your voice is so strange.Areyou?"
"No!—Is ityou, Valerie?"
"You know it is!"
"Where—are you?"
"In my room—where I have been all day."
"You have been—there! You have beenhere—in the city—all this time—"
"I came in on the morning train. I wanted to be sure. Therehavebeen such things as railroad delays you know."
"Why—whydidn't you let me know—"
"Louis! You will please to recollect that I had until midnight …I—was busy. Besides, midnight has just sounded—and here I am."
He waited.
"I received your letter." Her voice had the sweet, familiar, rising inflection which seemed to invite an answer.
"Yes," he muttered, "I wrote to you."
"Do you wish to know what I thought of your letter?"
"Yes," he breathed.
"I will tell you some other time; not now…. Have you been perfectly well, Louis? But I heard all about you, every day,—through Rita. Do you know I am quite mad to see that picture you painted of her,—the new one—'Womanhood.' She says it is a great picture—really great. Is it?"
He did not answer.
"Louis!"
"Yes."
"I would like to see that picture."
"Valerie?"
"Yes?"—sweetly impatient.
"Are we to see each other again?"
She said calmly: "I didn't ask to seeyou, Louis: I asked to see a picture which you recently painted, called 'Womanhood.'"
He remained silent and presently she called him again by name: "You say that you are well—or rather Rita said so two days ago—and I'm wondering whether in the interim you've fallen ill? Two days without news from you is rather disquieting. Please tell me at once exactly how you are?"
He succeeded in forcing something resembling a laugh: "I am all right," he said.
"I don't see how you could be—after the letter you wrote me. How much of it did you mean?"
He was silent.
"Louis! Answer me!"
"All—of it," he managed to reply.
[Illustration: "She knelt down beside the bed and … said whatever prayer she had in mind"]
"All!"
"Yes."
"Then—perhaps you scarcely expected me to call up to-night. Did you?"
"No."
"Suppose I had not done so."
He shivered slightly, but remained mute.
"Answer me, Louis?"
"It would have been—better."
"For you?"
"For—both."
"Do you believe it?"
"Yes."
"Then—have I any choice except to say—good-night?"
"No choice. Good-night."
"Good-night."
He crept, shaking, into his bed-room, sat down, resting his hands on his knees and staring at vacancy.
Valerie, in her room, hung up the receiver, buried her face in her hands for a moment, then quietly turned, lowering her hands from her face, and looked down at the delicate, intimate garments spread in order on the counterpane beside her. There was a new summer gown there, too—a light, dainty, fragile affair on which she had worked while away. Beside it lay a big summer hat of white straw and white lilacs.
She stood for a moment, reflecting; then she knelt down beside the bed and covered her eyes again while she said whatever prayer she had in mind.
It was not a very short petition, because it concerned Neville. She asked nothing for herself except as it regarded him or might matter to his peace of mind. Otherwise what she said, asked, and offered, related wholly to Neville.
Presently she rose and went lightly and silently about her ablutions; and afterward she dressed herself in the fragile snowy garments ranged so methodically upon the white counterpane, each in its proper place.
She was longer over her hair, letting it fall in a dark lustrous cloud to her waist, then combing and gathering it and bringing it under discipline.
She put on her gown, managing somehow to fasten it, her lithe young body and slender arms aiding her to achieve the impossible between neck and shoulders. Afterward she pinned on her big white hat.
At the door she paused for a second; took a last look at the quiet, white little room tranquil and silent in the lamplight; then she turned off the light and went out, softly, holding in her hands a key which fitted no door of her own.
One o'clock sounded heavily from Saint Hilda's as she left her house; the half hour was striking as she stooped in the dark hallway outside the studio and fitted the key she held—the key that was to unlock for her the mystery of the world.
He had not heard her. She groped her way into the unlighted studio, touched with caressing finger-tips the vague familiar shapes that the starlight, falling through the glass above, revealed to her as she passed.
In the little inner room she paused. There was a light through the passageway beyond, but she stood here a moment, looking around her while memories of the place deepened the colour in her cheeks.
Then she went forward, timidly, and stood at his closed door, listening.
A sudden fright seized her; one hand flew to her breast, her throat—covered her eyes for a moment—and fell limp by her side.
[Illustration: "She was longer over her hair … gathering it and bringing it under discipline."]
"Louis!" she faltered. She heard him spring to his feet and stand as though transfixed.
"Louis," she said, "it is I. Will you open your door to me?"
The sudden flood of electric light dazzled her; then she saw him standing there, one hand still resting on the door knob.
"I've come," she said, with a faint smile.
"Valerie! My God!"
She stood, half smiling, half fearful, her dark eyes meeting his, two friendly little hands outstretched. Then, as his own caught them, almost crushed them:
"Oh, it wasyourletter that ended all for me, Louis! It settled every doubt I had. Iknewthen—you darling!"
She bent and touched his hands with her lips, then lifted her sweet, untroubled gaze to his:
"I had been away from you so long, so long. And the time was approaching for me to decide, and I didn't know what was best for us, any more than when I went away. Andthen!—your letter came!"
She shook her head, slowly:
"I don't know what I might have decided if you never had written that letter to me; probably I would have come back to you anyway. I think so; I can't think of my doing anything else: though Imighthave decided—against myself. But as soon as I read your letter Iknew, Louis…. And I am here."
He said with drawn lips quivering:
"Did you read in that letter one single word of cowardly appeal?—one infamous word of self? If you did, I wrote in vain."
"It was because I read nothing in it of self that I made up my mind,Louis." She stepped nearer. "Why are you so dreadfully pale and worn?Your face is so haggard—so terrible—"
She laid one hand on his shoulder, looking up at him; then she smoothed his forehead and hair, lightly.
"As though I could ever live without you," she said under her breath. Then she laughed, releasing her hands, and went over to the dresser where there was a mirror.
"I have come, at one in the morning, to pay you a call," she said, withdrawing the long pins from her hat and taking it off. "Later I should like a cup of chocolate, please…. Oh, there is Gladys! You sweet thing!" she cried softly, kneeling to embrace the cat who came silently into the room, tail waving aloft in gentle greeting.
The girl lifted Gladys onto the bed and rolled her over into a fluffy ball and rubbed her cheeks and her ears until her furry toes curled, and her loud and grateful purring filled the room.
Valerie, seated sideways on the edge of the bed, looked up at Neville, laughing:
"Imusttell you about Sam and Hélène," she said. "They are too funny! Hélène was furious because Sam wrote her a letter saying that he intended to marry her but had not the courage to notify her, personally, of his decision; and Hélène was wild, and wrote him that he might save himself further trouble in the matter. And they've been telephoning to each other at intervals all day, and Sam is so afraid of her that he dare not go to see her; and Hélène was in tears when I saw her—and Ithinkit was because she was afraid Sam wouldn't come and resume the quarrel where she could manage it and him more satisfactorily."
She threw back her head and laughed at the recollection, stroking Gladys the while:
"It will come out all right, of course," she added, her eyes full of laughter; "she's been in love with Sam ever since he broke a Ming jar and almost died of fright. But isn't it funny, Louis?—the way people fall in love, and their various manners of informing each other!"
He was trying to smile, but the gray constraint in his face made it only an effort. Valerie pretended not to notice it, and she rattled on gaily, detailing her small budget of gossip and caressing Gladys—behaving as irresponsibly and as capriciously as though her heart were not singing a ceaseless hymn of happiness too deep, too thankful to utter by word or look.
"Dear little Rita," she exclaimed, suddenly and tenderly solemn—"I saw her the morning of the day she departed with John. And first of all I asked about you of course—you spoiled thing!—and then I asked about John. And we put our arms around each other and had a good, old-fashioned cry…. But—don'tyou think he is going to get well, Louis?"
"Sam's brother—Billy Ogilvy—wrote me that he would always have to live in Arizona. Hecanlive there. But the East would be death to him."
"Can't he ever come back?" she asked pitifully.
"No, dear."
"But—but what will Rita do?"
He said: "I think that will depend on Rita. I think it depends on her already."
"Why?" she asked, wide-eyed. "Do you believe that John cares for her?"
"I know he does…. And I haven't much doubt that he wants to marry her."
"Do you think so? Oh, Louis—if that is true, what a heavenly future for Rita!"
"Heavenly? Out in that scorching desert?"
"Do you think she'd carewhereshe was? Kelly, you're ridiculous!"
"Do you believe that any woman could stand that for the rest of her life, Valerie?"
She smiled, head lowered, fondling the cat who had gone ecstatically to sleep.
She said, still smiling: "If a girl is loved she endures some things; if she loves she endures more. But to a girl who is loved, and who loves, nothing else matters … And it would be that way with Rita"—she lifted her eyes—"as it is with me."
He was standing beside her now; she made room on the side of the bed for him with a little gesture of invitation:
"People who die for each other are less admirable than people who live for each other. The latter requires the higher type of courage … If I go out of your life I am like a dead person to you—a little worse in fact. Besides, I've shown the white feather and run away. That's a cowardly solution of a problem, isn't it?"
"Am I a coward if I decide to stand back and give you a chance?"
"You haven't decided to do it," she said cheerfully, lifting the somnolent cat and hugging it.
"I'm afraid I have, dear."
"Why?"
"You read my letter?"
"Yes and kissed every line in it."
He retained sufficient self-control to keep his hands off her—but that was all; and her eyes, which were looking into his, grew serious and beautiful.
"I love you so," she breathed.
"I love you, Valerie."
"Yes…. I know it…. I know you do…." She sat musing a moment, then: "And I thought that I knew what it was to love, before you wrote that letter." She shook her head, murmuring something to herself. Then the swift smile curved her lips again, she dumped Gladys out of her lap without ceremony, and leaned her shoulder on Neville's, resting her cheek lightly against his:
"It doesn't seem possible that the problem of life has really been solved for us, Louis. I can scarcely realise it—scarcely understand what this heavenly relief means—this utterly blissful relaxation and untroubled confidence. There isn't anything in the world that can harm me, now; is there?"
"Nothing."
"Nor my soul?"
"It has always been beyond danger."
"There are those who might tell me differently."
"Let them talk. Iknow."
"Do you?—you darling!" Her soft, fragrant mouth touched his cheek, lingered, then she laughed to herself for the very happiness of living.
"Isn't it wonderful how a word sometimes shatters the fixed ideas that a girl has arrived at through prayer and fasting? I am beginning to think that no real intelligence can remain very long welded to any one fixed belief."
"What do you mean, Valerie?" She rested her head on his shoulder and sat considering, eyes remote; then her white fingers crept into his:
"We won't talk about it now. I was wrong in some ways. You or common sense—or something—opened my eyes…. But we won't talk about it now…. Because there are still perplexities—some few…. We'll go over them together—and arrange matters—somehow."
"What matters?"
But she placed a soft hand over his lips, imposing silence, and drew his arm around her with a little sigh of content.
Presently she said: "Have you noticed my gown? I made it."
He smiled and bent forward to look.
"I madeeverythingthat I am wearing—except the shoes and stockings. But they are perfectly new…. I wanted to come to you—perfectly new. There was a Valerie who didn't really love you. She thought she did, but she didn't…. So I left her behind when I came—left everything about her behind me. I am all new, Louis…. Are you afraid to love me?"
He drew her closer; she turned, partly, and put both arms around his neck, and their lips touched and clung.
Then, a little pale, she drew away from him, a vague smile tremulous on her lips. The confused sweetness of her eyes held him breathless with their enchantment; the faint fragrance of her dazed him.
In silence she bent her head, remained curbed, motionless for a few moments, then slowly lifted her eyes to his.
"How much do you want me, Louis?"
"You know."
"Enough to—give me up?"
His lips stiffened and refused at first, then:
"Yes," they motioned. And she saw the word they formed.
"I knew it," she breathed; "I only wanted to hear you say it again…. I don't know why I'm crying;—do you?… What a perfect ninny a girl can be when she tries to….Allover your 'collar, too…. And now you're what Mr. Mantalini would call 'demned moist and unpleasant!' … I—I don't want to—s-sob—this way! I do-don't wish to … M-make me stop, Louis!… I'd like a handkerchief—anything—give me Gladys and I'll staunch my tears on her!"
She slipped from the bed's edge to the floor, and stood with her back toward him. Then she glanced sideways at the mirror to inspect her nose.
"Thank goodnessthatisn't red," she said gaily…. "Kelly, I'm hungry…. I've fasted since dawn—on this day—because I wanted to break bread with you on the first day of our new life together."
He looked at her, appalled, but she laughed and went into the studio.There was a beautiful old sideboard there always well stocked.
He turned on the lights, brought peaches and melons and strawberries and milk from the ice-chest, and found her already preparing chocolate over the electric grill and buttering immense slices of peasant bread.
"It's after two o'clock," she said, delighted. "Isn't this divinely silly? I wonder if there happens to be any salad in the ice-chest?"
"Cold chicken, too," he nodded, watching her set the table.
She glanced at him over her shoulder from time to time:
"Louis, are you going to enjoy all this?All ofit?You—somehow—don't look entirely happy—"
"I am…. All I wanted was to see you—hear your voice…. I shall be contented now."
"With just a view of me, and the sound of my voice?"
"You know there is—nothing more for us."
"I know nothing of the kind. The idea! And don't you dare struggle and kick and scream when I kiss you. Do you hear me, Louis?"
He laughed and watched her as she went swiftly and gracefully about the table arrangement, glancing up at him from moment to moment.
"The idea," she repeated, indignantly. "I guess I'll kiss you when I choose to. You are not in holy orders, are you? You haven't made any particular vows, have you—?"
"One."
She halted, looked at him, then went on with her labours, a delicate colour flushing face and neck.
"Where in the world is that salad, Louis? A hungry girl asks you! Don't drive me to desperation—"
"Are we going to have coffee?"
"No, it will keep us awake all night! I believe youarebent on my destruction." And, as she hovered over the table, she hummed the latest popular summer-roof ballad:
"'Stand back! Go 'way!I can no longer stayAlthough you are a Marquis or a Earl!You may tempt the upper classesWith your villainous demi-tassesBut—Heaven will protect the Working Girl!'"
At length everything was ready. He had placed two chairs opposite one another, but she wouldn't have it, and made him lug up a bench, lay a cushion on it, and sit beside her.
They behaved foolishly; she fed him strawberries at intervals, discreetly, on a fork—and otherwise.
"Think of it! Fruit—at three in the morning, Louis! I hope Heaven will protectthisworking girl…. No, dear, I'd rather not have any champagne…. You forget that this is a brand-new girl you're supping with … And, for reasons of her own—perhaps as an example to you—there is never again to be anything like that—not even a cigarette."
"Nonsense—"
"Oh, it's on account of my voice, not my morals, goose! I have rather a nice voice you know, and, if we can afford it, it would be a jolly good idea to have it cultivated …Isn't this melon divine! What fun, Louis!… I believe youarea little happier. That crease between your eyes has quite disappeared—There! Don't dare let it come back! It has no business there I tell you. Iknowit hasn't—and you must trust my word. Will you?"
She leaned swiftly toward him, placed both hands on his shoulders.
"You've a perfectly new girl to deal with," she said, looking him in the eyes;—"a miracle of meekness and patience that is rather certain to turn into a dreadful, frowsy old hausfrau some day. But that's the kind you wanted…. It's none of my doings—"
"Valerie!"
"What?"
"You darling!—do you mean—"
She closed his lips with hers.
"Silence," she said; "we have plenty to talk over before the hour arrives for me to be a door-mat. Iwon'tbe a door-mat when I'm trying to be happy over a perfectly good supper!… Besides I want to torture you while there's still time. I want to make you miserable by reminding you how disgracefully unmoral we are, here in your studio together at three in the morning—" She stretched out a slim, white ringless hand, and lifted the third finger for his inspection:
"Not a sign of a ring! Shame!" She turned her pretty, daring face to his, eyes sparkling with audacity:
"Besides, I'm not going back to-night."
He said tranquilly: "I should think not."
"I mean it, Kelly, I simply won't go. And you may ring up the police and every ambulance in town—and the fire department—"
"I've done it," he said, "but the fire department refuses to put you out…. You don't mean to say you've finished!—after fasting all day like a little idiot," he exclaimed as she sprang to her feet and pushed away her chair.
"I have. I amnotan anaconda!" … She passed swiftly into the outer room where her own toilet necessaries were always ready, and presently came back, leisurely, her hands behind her back, sauntering toward, him with a provoking smile edging her lips:
[Illustration: "'Yes,' she said, 'it is really great.'"]
"You may retire when you like, Kelly, and tie your red cotton night-cap under your chin.Ishall sit up for the sun. It's due in about an hour, you know."
"Nonsense," he said. "We'll both, be dead in the morning."
"You offer me your guest-room?" she said in pretence of surprise. "Howverynice of you, Mr. Neville. I—ah—will condescend to occupy it—for this evening only—" Her eyes brightened into laughter: "Oh, isn't it delicious, Louis! Isn't it perfectly heavenly toknowthat we are utterly and absolutely all right,—and to know that the world outside would be perfectly certain that we are not? What a darling you are!"
Still holding her hands behind her back she bent forward and touched her lips to his, daintily, fastidious in the light contact,
"Where is that picture of 'Womanhood'?" she asked.
He drew out the easel, adjusting the canvas to the light, and rolled a big chair up in front of it.
"Please sit there," she said; and seated herself on the padded arm, still keeping her hands behind her back.
"Are you concealing anything from me?" he asked.
"Never mind. I want to look at your picture," she added slowly as her eyes fell upon the canvas.
Minute after minute she sat there in silence, neither stirring nor offering comment. And after a long time he moved restlessly in the depths of the chair beside her.
Then she turned and looked down at him:
"Yes," she said, "it is really great…. And,somehow, I am lonely.Take me, Louis."
He drew her into his arms. She lay very silent against his breast for a while, and at last raised her curiously troubled eyes.
"You are going to be a very, very great painter, aren't you, Louis?"
He laughed and kissed her, watching her face.
"Don't be too great—so great that I shall feel too—too lonely," she whispered.
Then his eyes fell upon the ring which he had given her—and which she had gently put aside. She was wearing it on her betrothal finger.
"Where did you—find it?" he said unsteadily.
"In its box on your dresser."
"Do you realise what it means?"
"Yes…. And I am wearing it."