10

Say what you will, Ingenious Youth!You'll find me neither Dupe nor Dunce:Once you deceived me—only once,'Twas then when you told me the Truth.

1799. First published from an MS. in 1893. Adapted from Lessing'sSinngedichtNo. 45.An einen Lügner.'Du magst so oft, so fein, als dir nur möglich, lügen.'

If the guilt of all lying consists in deceit,Lie on—'tis your duty, sweet youth!For believe me, then only we find you a cheatWhen you cunningly tell us the truth.

1800. First published inAnnual Anthology, 1800. First collectedP. and D. W., 1877, ii. 163.

No doleful faces here, no sighing—Here rots a thing thatwonby dying:'Tis Cypher lies beneath this crust—Whom Deathcreatedinto dust.

1799. First published from an MS. in 1893. The two last lines were printed for the first time in 1834. Adapted from Lessing'sSinngedichtNo. 52.Grabschrift des Nitulus.

'Hier modert Nitulus, jungfräuliches Gesichts,Der durch den Tod gewann: er wurde Staub aus Nichts.'

There comes from old Avaro's graveA deadly stench—why, sure they haveImmured hissoulwithin his grave?

1799. First published inKeepsake, 1829, p. 122. Included inLit. Rem., i. 46. Adapted from Lessing'sSinngedichtNo. 27.Auf Lukrins Grab.'Welch tötender Gestank hier, wo Lukrin begraben.'

From yonder tomb of recent date,There comes a strange mephitic blast.Here lies—Ha! Backbite, you at last—'Tis he indeed: and sure as fate,They buried him in overhaste—Into the earth he has been cast,And in this grave,Before the man had breathed his last.

1799. First published from an MS. in 1893. An expansion of [Epigram] No. 12.

We both attended the same College,Where sheets of paper we did blur many,And now we're going to sport our knowledge,In England I, and you in Germany.

First published in Carlyon'sEarly Years, &c., 1856, i. 68. First collectedP. and D. W., ii. 374.

Hippona lets no silly flushDisturb her cheek, nought makes her blush.Whate'er obscenities you say,She nods and titters frank and gay.Oh Shame, awake one honest flushFor this,—that nothing makes her blush.

First published inMorning Post, (?) Aug. 29, 1799. Included inAn. Anth., 1800, and inEssays, &c., iii. 971. First collectedP. and D. W., ii. 164. Adapted from Lessing'sSinngedichtNo. 10.Auf Lucinden.'Sie hat viel Welt, die muntere Lucinde.'

Hoarse Mævius reads his hobbling verseTo all and at all times,And deems them both divinely smooth,His voice as well as rhymes.[956]But folks say, Mævius is no ass!But Mævius makes it clearThat he's a monster of an ass,An ass without an ear.

Hoarse Mævius reads his hobbling verseTo all and at all times,And deems them both divinely smooth,His voice as well as rhymes.

[956]But folks say, Mævius is no ass!But Mævius makes it clearThat he's a monster of an ass,An ass without an ear.

First published inMorning Post, Sept. 7, 1799. Included inAn. Anth., 1800;Keepsake, 1829, p. 122;Lit. Rem., i. 49. First collectedP. and D. W., 1877, ii. 162. Adapted from Wernicke'sEpigrams, Bk. IX, No. 42.An einen gewissen Pritschmeister.'Umsonst dass jedermann, dieweil du manches Blatt.'

Last Monday all the Papers saidThat Mr. —— was dead;Why, then, what said the City?The tenth part sadly shook their head,And shaking sigh'd and sighing said,'Pity, indeed, 'tis pity!'But when the said report was foundA rumour wholly without ground,Why, then, what said the city?The othernineparts shook their head,Repeating what the tenth had said,'Pity, indeed, 'tis pity!'

Last Monday all the Papers saidThat Mr. —— was dead;Why, then, what said the City?The tenth part sadly shook their head,And shaking sigh'd and sighing said,'Pity, indeed, 'tis pity!'

But when the said report was foundA rumour wholly without ground,Why, then, what said the city?The othernineparts shook their head,Repeating what the tenth had said,'Pity, indeed, 'tis pity!'

First published inMorning Post, Sept. 18, 1799. Included inKeepsake, 1829, p. 122;Lit. Rem., i. 46. First collectedP. and D. W., 1877, ii. 166. Adapted from Lessing'sSinngedichtNo. 29.Auf den falschen Ruf von Nigrins Tode.'Es sagte, sonder alle Gnade, die ganze Stadt Nigrinen tot.'

[2]That Mr. —— was surely deadM. P.

That Mr. —— was surely deadM. P.

[3]Why] AhM. P.

Why] AhM. P.

[4]their] theM. P.

their] theM. P.

[9]Why] AhM. P.

Why] AhM. P.

[10]their] theM. P.

their] theM. P.

Jem writes his verses with more speedThan the printer's boy can set 'em;Quite as fast as we can read,And only not so fast as we forget 'em.

First published inMorning Post, Sept. 23, 1799. Included inAn. Anth., 1800;Essays, &c., 1850, iii. 974. First collectedP. and D. W., 1877, ii. 164.

Sly Beelzebub took all occasionsTo try Job's constancy and patience;He took his honours, took his health,He took his children, took his wealth,His camels, horses, asses, cows—And theslyDevil did not take his spouse.But Heaven that brings out good from evil,And loves to disappoint the Devil,Had predetermined to restoreTwofoldall Job had before,His children, camels, horses, cows,—Short-sightedDevil, not to take hisspouse!

But Heaven that brings out good from evil,And loves to disappoint the Devil,Had predetermined to restoreTwofoldall Job had before,His children, camels, horses, cows,—Short-sightedDevil, not to take hisspouse!

1799. First published inMorning Post, Sept. 26, 1801. Included inAnnual Register, 1827, andKeepsake, 1829. First collected 1834.

The first stanza of 'Job's Luck' is adapted from Fr. v. Logan'sSinngedicht,Hiob's Weib. Lessing's edition, Bk. III, No. 90:—

'Als der Satan ging von Hiob, ist sein Anwalt dennoch blieben,Hiobs Weib; er hätte nimmer einen bessern aufgetrieben.'

The second stanza is adapted from Fr. v. Logan'sSinngedicht,Auf den Hornutus,ibid.Bk. I, No. 68:—

'Hornutus las, was Gott Job habe weggenommen,Sei doppelt ihm hernach zu Hause wiederkommen:Wie gut, sprach er, war dies, dass Gott sein Weib nicht nahm,Auf dass Job ihrer zwei für eine nicht bekam!'

The original source is a Latin epigram by John Owen (Audoenus Oxoniensis), Bk. III, No. 198. SeeN. and Q., 1st Series, ii. 516.

Title] The Devil OutwittedM. P.

[3]honours] honourM. P.

honours] honourM. P.

Pluto commanded death to take awayBilly—Death made pretences to obey,And only made pretences, for he shotA headless dart that struck nor wounded not.The ghaunt Economist who (tho' my grandamThinks otherwise) ne'er shoots his darts at random[958]Mutter'd, 'What? put my Billy in arrest?Upon my life that were a pretty jest!So flat a thing of Death shall ne'er be said or sung—No! Ministers and Quacks, them take I not so young.'

First, published inMorning Post, Oct. 1, 1799. Now reprinted for the first time. Adapted from Lessing'sSinngedichtNo. 119.Auf die Genesung einer Buhlerin.'Dem Tode wurde jüngst von Pluto anbefohlen.'

You're careful o'er your wealth 'tis true:Yet so that of your plenteous storeThe needy takes and blesses you,For you hate Poverty, but not the Poor.

First published inMorning Post, Oct. 28, 1799. Now reprinted for the first time. Adapted from Wernicke'sEpigrams(Bk. I, No. 49).An den sparsamen Celidon.

'Du liebst zwar Geld und Gut, doch so dass dein ErbarmenDer Arme fühlt.'

Jack drinks fine wines, wears modish clothing,But prithee where lies Jack's estate?In Algebra for there I found of lateA quantity call'd less than nothing.

First published inMorning Post, Nov. 16, 1799. Included in An. Anth., 1800. First collectedP. and D. W., 1877, ii. 163.

Speak out, Sir! you're safe, for so ruddy your noseThat, talk where you will, 'tis allunder the Rose.

First published inMorning Post, Dec. 7, 1799. Included inEssays, &c., iii. 975. First collectedPoems, 1907. Compare Lessing'sSinngedichtNo. 35.Auf eine lange Nase.

On hisCarmen Seculare(a title which has by various persons who have heard it, been thus translated, 'A Poeman age long').

Your poem musteternalbe,Eternal!it can't fail,For 'tisincomprehensible,And without head or tail!

First published inMorning Post, Jan. 24, 1800. Included inKeepsake, 1829, p. 277. First collectedP. and D. W., ii. 161.

O would the Baptist come againAnd preach aloud with might and mainRepentance to our viperous race!But should this miracle take place,I hope, ere Irish ground he treads,He'll lay in a good stock of heads!

First published inAn. Anth., 1800. First collectedP. and D. W., 1877, ii. 162. Adapted from Friedrich von Logau'sSinngedicht,Johannes der Täufer, Lessing's edition, Bk. I, No. 30:—

'Nicht recht! nicht recht! würd' immer schreinJohannes, sollt' er wieder sein.Doch käm er, riet' ich, dass er dächte,Wie viel er Köpf' in Vorrat brächte.'

I hold of all our viperous raceThe greedy creeping things in placeMost vile, most venomous; and thenThe United Irishmen!To come on earth should John determine,Imprimis, we'll excuse his sermon.Without a word the good old DervisMight work incalculable service,At once from tyranny and riotSave laws, lives, liberties and moneys,If sticking to his ancient dietHe'd but eat up our locusts andwild honeys!

First published inAn. Anth., 1800. First collectedP. and D. W., 1877, ii. 162.

After 4 Now by miraculous deeds to stir themMS.

As Dick and I at Charing Cross were walking,Whom should we see on t'other side pass byBut Informator with a stranger talking,So I exclaim'd, 'Lord, what a lie!'Quoth Dick—'What, can you hear him?''Hear him! stuff!I saw him open his mouth—an't that enough?'

First published inAn. Anth., 1800. First collectedP. and D. W., ii. 163. Adapted from Lessing'sSinngedichtNo. 142.Auf den Ley.'Der gute Mann, den Ley beiseite dort gezogen!'

Thy babes ne'er greet thee with the father's name;'My Lud!' they lisp. Now whence can this arise?Perhaps their mother feels an honest shameAnd will not teach her infant to tell lies.

First published inAn. Anth., 1800, included inEssays, &c., ii. 997. First collectedP. and D. W., 1877, ii. 164. Adapted from Lessing'sSinngedichtNo. 17.An den Doktor Sp * *.'Dein Söhnchen lässt dich nie den Namen Vater hören.'

Thy lap-dog, Rufa, is a dainty beast,It don't surprise me in the leastTo see thee lick so dainty clean a beast.But that so dainty clean a beast licks thee,Yes—that surprises me.

First published inAn. Anth., 1800. First collectedP. and D. W., 1877, ii. 164. Adapted from Lessing'sSinngedichtNo. 66.An die Dorilis.'Dein Hündchen, Dorilis, ist zärtlich, tändelnd, rein.'

Swans sing before they die—'twere no bad thingShould certain persons die before they sing.

First published inAn. Anth., 1800. Included inKeepsake, 1829, p. 277;Essays, &c., 1850, ii. 988. First collected in 1834.

Ajoke(cries Jack) without a sting—Post obitumcan no man sing.And true, if Jack don't mend his mannersAnd quit the atheistic banners,Post obitumwill Jack run foulOf suchfolksas can onlyhowl.

First published inAn. Anth., 1800. Included inEssays, &c., iii. 988. First collectedP. and D. W., 1877, ii, 165.

[1]joke] jestEssays, &c.

joke] jestEssays, &c.

[5]folks] sparksEssays, &c.

folks] sparksEssays, &c.

Know thou who walks't by, Man! that wrapp'd up in lead, man,What once was a Dieman, now lies here a dead man.Alive a proudMajor! but ah me! of our poor all,The soul having gone, he is now merely Corporal.

? 1800. Now first published from MS.

As long as ere the life-blood's running,Say, what can stop a Punster's punning?He dares bepun even thee, O Death!Topunish him, Stop thou his breath.

? 1800. Now first published from MS.

Of him that in this gorgeous tomb doth lie,This sad brief tale is all that Truth can give—He lived like one who never thought to die,He died like one who dared not hope to live![961:1]

First published inMorning Post, Sept. 22, 1801. First collectedP. and D. W., 1877, ii. 168.

Under this stone does Walter Harcourt lie,Who valued nought that God or man could give;He lived as if he never thought to die;He died as if he dared not hope to live![962:1]

[The name Walter Harcourt has been supplied by the editor.—S. C.]

Beneath this stone does William Hazlitt lie,Thankless of all that God or man could give.He lived like one who never thought to die,He died like one who dared not hope to live.

Do call, dear Jess, whene'er my way you come;My looking-glass will always be at home.

First published inMorning Post, Dec. 16, 1801. Included inEssays, &c., iii. 978. First collected in 1893.

Most candid critic, what if I,By way of joke, pull out your eye,And holding up the fragment, cry,'Ha! ha! that men such fools should be!Behold this shapeless Dab!—and heWho own'd it, fancied it couldsee!'The joke were mighty analytic,But should you like it, candid critic?

First published inMorning Post, Dec. 16, 1801: included inKeepsake, 1829, and inEssays, &c., iii. 977-8. First collected inP. and D. W., 1877, ii. 167.

Pass under Jack's window at twelve at nightYou'll hear him still—he's roaring!Pass under Jack's window at twelve at noon,You'll hear him still—he's snoring!

First published inMorning Post, Dec. 19, 1801. First collected 1893.

Friends should beweigh'd, nottold; who boasts to have wonAmultitudeof friends, he ne'er hadone.

First published inMorning Post, Dec. 26, 1801. Included inEssays, &c., iii. 978. First collected in 1893. Adapted from Friedrich von Logan'sSinngedicht(Lessing's edition, Bk. II, No. 65).

'Freunde muss man sich erwählenNur nach Wägen, nicht nach Zählen.'

Cf. also Logan, Book II, No. 30.

To wed a fool, I really cannot seeWhy thou, Eliza, art so very loth;Still on a par with other pairs you'd be,Since thou hast wit and sense enough for both.

First published inMorning Post, Dec. 26, 1801. First collected 1893. The title referred to an epigram published inM. P.Dec. 24, 1801.

[The twenty-one 'Original Epigrams' following were printed in theMorning Post, in September and October, 1802, over the signature 'ΕΣΤΗΣΕ'. They were included inEssays, &c., iii. 978-86, and were first collected inP. and D. W., 1877, ii. 171-8.]

What is an Epigram? a dwarfish whole,Its body brevity, and wit its soul.

First published inMorning Post, Sept. 23, 1802. Included inPoetical Register, 1802 (1803), ii. 253; and inThe Friend, No. 12, Nov. 9, 1809. Cf. Wernicke'sBeschaffenheit der Überschriften(i. e. The Nature of the epigram), Bk. I, No. 1.

'Dann lässt die Überschrift kein Leser aus der Acht,Wenn in der Kürz' ihr Leib, die Seel' in Witz bestehet.'

Charles, grave or merry, at no lie would stick,And taught at length his memory the same trick.Believing thus what he so oft repeats,He's brought the thing to such a pass, poor youth,That now himself and no one else he cheats,Save when unluckily he tells the truth.

First published inMorning Post, Sept. 23, 1802. Included inP. R.1802, ii. 317, andThe Friend, No. 12, Nov. 9, 1809.

An evil spirit's on thee, friend! of late!Ev'n from the hour thou cam'st to thy Estate.Thy mirth all gone, thy kindness, thy discretion,Th' estate hath prov'd to thee a most completepossession.Shame, shame, old friend! would'st thou be truly best,Be thy wealth's Lord, not slave!possessornotpossess'd.

First published inMorning Post, Sept. 23, 1802. Included inP. R.1802, ii. 317, andThe Friend, No. 12, Nov. 9, 1809.

Here lies the Devil—ask no other name.Well—but you mean Lord——? Hush! we mean the same.

First published inMorning Post, Sept. 23, 1802. Included inP. R.1802, ii. 363, andThe Friend, No. 12, Nov. 9, 1809.

Two things hast thou made known to half the nation,My secrets and my want of penetration:For O! far more than all which thou hast penn'dIt shames me to have call'd a wretch, like thee, my friend!

First published inMorning Post, Sept. 23, 1802. Adapted from Wernicke'sEpigrams(Bk. I, No. 12),An einen falschen Freund.'Weil ich mich dir vertraut, eh' ich dich recht gekennet.'

'Obscuri sub luce maligna.'—Virg.

Scarce any scandal, but has a handle;In truth most falsehoods have their rise;Truth first unlocks Pandora's box,And out there fly a host of lies.Malignant light, by cloudy night,To precipices it decoys one!One nectar-drop from Jove's own shopWill flavour a whole cup of poison.

First published inMorning Post, Sept. 23, 1802.

Old Harpy jeers at castles in the air,And thanks his stars, whenever Edmund speaks,That such a dupe as that is not his heir—But know, old Harpy! that these fancy freaks,Though vain and light, as floating gossamer,Always amuse, and sometimes mend the heart:A young man's idlest hopes are still his pleasures,And fetch a higher price in Wisdom's martThan all the unenjoying Miser's treasures.

First published inMorning Post, Sept. 23, 1802. Included inP. R., 1802, ii. 868. Adapted from Wernicke, Bk. VII, No. 40,An einen Geizhals.

'Steht's einem Geizhals an auf Aelius zu schmähnWeil er vergebens hofft auf was nicht kann geschehn?'

Didst thou think less of thy dear selfFar more would others think of thee!Sweet Anne! the knowledge of thy wealthReduces thee to poverty.Boon Nature gave wit, beauty, health,On thee as on her darling pitching;Couldst thou forget thou'rt thus enrich'dThat moment would'st thou become rich in!And wert thou not so self-bewitch'd,Sweet Anne! thou wert, indeed, bewitching.

First published inMorning Post, Sept. 23 1802. Included inThe Friend, No. 12, Nov. 9, 1809.

Three truths should make thee often think and pause;The first is, that thou govern'st over men;The second, that thy power is from the laws;And this the third, that thou must die!—and then?—

First published inMorning Post, Sept. 27, 1802. Included inEssays, &c., iii. 992. First collectedP. and D. W., 1877, ii. 162.

From me, Aurelia! you desiredYour proper praise to know;Well! you're theFairby all admired—Some twenty years ago.

First published inMorning Post, Oct. 2, 1802.

When thieves come, I bark: when gallants, I am still—So perform both my Master's and Mistress's will.

First published inMorning Post, Oct. 2, 1802. Included inThe Friend(title, 'For a French House-Dog's Collar'), No. 12, Nov. 9, 1809.

In vain I praise thee, Zoilus!In vain thou rail'st at me!Me no one credits, Zoilus!And no one credits thee!

First published inMorning Post, Oct. 2, 1802. Adapted from a Latin Epigram 'In Zoilum,' by George Buchanan:

'Frustra ego te laudo, frustraMe, Zoile, laedis;Nemo mihi credit,Zoile, nemo, tibi.'

A poor benighted Pedlar knock'dOne night atSell-all'sdoor,The same who saved oldSell-all'slife—'Twas but the year before!And Sell-all rose and let him in,Not utterly unwilling,But first he bargain'd with the man,And took his only shilling!That night he dreamt he'd given away his pelf,Walk'd in his sleep, and sleeping hung himself!And now his soul and body rest below;And here they say his punishment and fate isTo lie awake and every hour to knowHow many people read his tombstonegratis.

First published inMorning Post, Oct. 9, 1802.

Author.Come; your opinion of my manuscript!Friend.Dear Joe! I would almost as soon be whipt.Author.But Iwillhave it!Friend.If it must be had—(hesitating)You write so ill, I scarce could read the hand—Author.A mere evasion!Friend.And you spell so bad,That what I read I could not understand.

Author.Come; your opinion of my manuscript!

Friend.Dear Joe! I would almost as soon be whipt.

Author.But Iwillhave it!

Friend.If it must be had—(hesitating)You write so ill, I scarce could read the hand—

Author.A mere evasion!

Friend.And you spell so bad,That what I read I could not understand.

First published inMorning Post, Oct. 11, 1802.

Tom Slothful talks, as slothful Tom beseems,What he shall shortly gain and what be doing,Then drops asleep, and so prolongs his dreamsAnd thusenjoysat once what half the world arewooing.

First published inMorning Post, Oct. 11, 1802.

Each Bond-street buck conceits, unhappy elf!He shews hisclothes! Alas! he shewshimself.O that they knew, these overdrest self-lovers,What hides the body oft the mind discovers.

First published inMorning Post, Oct. 11, 1802.

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