ACT IIISCENE I. Bangor. A Room in the Archdeacon’s House.EnterHotspur, Worcester, MortimerandGlendower.MORTIMER.These promises are fair, the parties sure,And our induction full of prosperous hope.HOTSPUR.Lord Mortimer and cousin Glendower,Will you sit down? And uncle Worcester,A plague upon it! I have forgot the map.GLENDOWER.No, here it is.Sit, cousin Percy, sit, good cousin Hotspur;For by that name as oft as Lancaster doth speak of youHis cheek looks pale, and with a rising sighHe wisheth you in heaven.HOTSPUR.And you in hell,As oft as he hears Owen Glendower spoke of.GLENDOWER.I cannot blame him. At my nativityThe front of heaven was full of fiery shapes,Of burning cressets, and at my birthThe frame and huge foundation of the EarthShaked like a coward.HOTSPUR.Why, so it would have doneAt the same season, if your mother’s catHad but kitten’d, though yourself had never been born.GLENDOWER.I say the Earth did shake when I was born.HOTSPUR.And I say the Earth was not of my mind,If you suppose as fearing you it shook.GLENDOWER.The heavens were all on fire, the Earth did tremble.HOTSPUR.O, then th’ Earth shook to see the heavens on fire,And not in fear of your nativity.Diseased nature oftentimes breaks forthIn strange eruptions; oft the teeming EarthIs with a kind of colic pinch’d and vex’dBy the imprisoning of unruly windWithin her womb, which for enlargement striving,Shakes the old beldam Earth, and topples downSteeples and moss-grown towers. At your birthOur grandam Earth, having this distemp’rature,In passion shook.GLENDOWER.Cousin, of many menI do not bear these crossings. Give me leaveTo tell you once again that at my birthThe front of heaven was full of fiery shapes,The goats ran from the mountains, and the herdsWere strangely clamorous to the frighted fields.These signs have mark’d me extraordinary,And all the courses of my life do showI am not in the roll of common men.Where is he living, clipp’d in with the seaThat chides the banks of England, Scotland, Wales,Which calls me pupil or hath read to me?And bring him out that is but woman’s sonCan trace me in the tedious ways of art,And hold me pace in deep experiments.HOTSPUR.I think there is no man speaks better Welsh.I’ll to dinner.MORTIMER.Peace, cousin Percy, you will make him mad.GLENDOWER.I can call spirits from the vasty deep.HOTSPUR.Why, so can I, or so can any man,But will they come when you do call for them?GLENDOWER.Why, I can teach you, cousin, to command the devil.HOTSPUR.And I can teach thee, coz, to shame the devilBy telling truth; tell truth, and shame the devil.If thou have power to raise him, bring him hither,And I’ll be sworn I have power to shame him hence.O, while you live, tell truth, and shame the devil!MORTIMER.Come, come, no more of this unprofitable chat.GLENDOWER.Three times hath Henry Bolingbroke made headAgainst my power; thrice from the banks of WyeAnd sandy-bottom’d Severn have I sent himBootless home and weather-beaten back.HOTSPUR.Home without boots, and in foul weather too!How ’scapes he agues, in the devil’s name!GLENDOWER.Come, here’s the map, shall we divide our rightAccording to our threefold order ta’en?MORTIMER.The archdeacon hath divided itInto three limits very equally:England, from Trent and Severn hitherto,By south and east is to my part assign’d:All westward, Wales beyond the Severn shore,And all the fertile land within that bound,To Owen Glendower: and, dear coz, to youThe remnant northward lying off from Trent.And our indentures tripartite are drawn,Which being sealed interchangeably,A business that this night may execute,Tomorrow, cousin Percy, you and I,And my good Lord of Worcester will set forthTo meet your father and the Scottish power,As is appointed us, at Shrewsbury.My father Glendower is not ready yet,Nor shall we need his help these fourteen days.[To Glendower.] Within that space you may have drawn togetherYour tenants, friends, and neighbouring gentlemen.GLENDOWER.A shorter time shall send me to you, lords,And in my conduct shall your ladies come,From whom you now must steal, and take no leave,For there will be a world of water shedUpon the parting of your wives and you.HOTSPUR.Methinks my moiety, north from Burton here,In quantity equals not one of yours.See how this river comes me cranking in,And cuts me from the best of all my landA huge half-moon, a monstrous cantle out.I’ll have the current in this place dammed up,And here the smug and silver Trent shall runIn a new channel, fair and evenly.It shall not wind with such a deep indent,To rob me of so rich a bottom here.GLENDOWER.Not wind? It shall, it must. You see it doth.MORTIMER.Yea, but mark how he bears his course, and runs me upWith like advantage on the other side,Gelding the opposed continent as muchAs on the other side it takes from you.WORCESTER.Yea, but a little charge will trench him here,And on this north side win this cape of land,And then he runs straight and even.HOTSPUR.I’ll have it so, a little charge will do it.GLENDOWER.I’ll not have it altered.HOTSPUR.Will not you?GLENDOWER.No, nor you shall not.HOTSPUR.Who shall say me nay?GLENDOWER.Why, that will I.HOTSPUR.Let me not understand you, then; speak it in Welsh.GLENDOWER.I can speak English, lord, as well as you,For I was train’d up in the English Court,Where being but young I framed to the harpMany an English ditty lovely well,And gave the tongue a helpful ornament—A virtue that was never seen in you.HOTSPUR.Marry, and I am glad of it with all my heart.I had rather be a kitten, and cry “mew”Than one of these same metre ballad-mongers;I had rather hear a brazen canstick turn’d,Or a dry wheel grate on the axletree,And that would set my teeth nothing on edge,Nothing so much as mincing poetry.’Tis like the forced gait of a shuffling nag.GLENDOWER.Come, you shall have Trent turn’d.HOTSPUR.I do not care. I’ll give thrice so much landTo any well-deserving friend;But in the way of bargain, mark ye me,I’ll cavil on the ninth part of a hair.Are the indentures drawn? Shall we be gone?GLENDOWER.The moon shines fair, you may away by night.I’ll haste the writer, and withalBreak with your wives of your departure hence.I am afraid my daughter will run mad,So much she doteth on her Mortimer.[Exit.]MORTIMER.Fie, cousin Percy, how you cross my father!HOTSPUR.I cannot choose. Sometimes he angers meWith telling me of the moldwarp and the ant,Of the dreamer Merlin and his prophecies,And of a dragon and a finless fish,A clip-wing’d griffin and a moulten raven,A couching lion and a ramping cat,And such a deal of skimble-skamble stuffAs puts me from my faith. I tell you what—He held me last night at least nine hoursIn reckoning up the several devils’ namesThat were his lackeys: I cried “Hum,” and “Well, go to,”But mark’d him not a word. O, he is as tediousAs a tired horse, a railing wife,Worse than a smoky house. I had rather liveWith cheese and garlic in a windmill, far,Than feed on cates and have him talk to meIn any summer house in Christendom.MORTIMER.In faith, he is a worthy gentleman,Exceedingly well read, and profitedIn strange concealments, valiant as a lion,And wondrous affable, and as bountifulAs mines of India. Shall I tell you, cousin?He holds your temper in a high respectAnd curbs himself even of his natural scopeWhen you come cross his humour, faith, he does.I warrant you that man is not aliveMight so have tempted him as you have doneWithout the taste of danger and reproof:But do not use it oft, let me entreat you.WORCESTER.In faith, my lord, you are too wilful-blame,And since your coming hither have done enoughTo put him quite besides his patience.You must needs learn, lord, to amend this fault.Though sometimes it show greatness, courage, blood—And that’s the dearest grace it renders you—Yet oftentimes it doth present harsh rage,Defect of manners, want of government,Pride, haughtiness, opinion, and disdain,The least of which haunting a noblemanLoseth men’s hearts and leaves behind a stainUpon the beauty of all parts besides,Beguiling them of commendation.HOTSPUR.Well, I am school’d. Good manners be your speed!Here come our wives, and let us take our leave.EnterGlendowerwithLady MortimerandLady Percy.MORTIMER.This is the deadly spite that angers me,My wife can speak no English, I no Welsh.GLENDOWER.My daughter weeps, she’ll not part with you,She’ll be a soldier too, she’ll to the wars.MORTIMER.Good father, tell her that she and my aunt PercyShall follow in your conduct speedily.[Glendowerspeaks toLady Mortimerin Welsh, and she answers him in the same.]GLENDOWER.She is desperate here, a peevish self-willed harlotry,One that no persuasion can do good upon.[Lady Mortimerspeaks toMortimerin Welsh.]MORTIMER.I understand thy looks, that pretty WelshWhich thou pourest down from these swelling heavensI am too perfect in, and but for shameIn such a parley should I answer thee.[Lady Mortimerspeaks to him again in Welsh.]I understand thy kisses, and thou mine,And that’s a feeling disputation,But I will never be a truant, love,Till I have learnt thy language; for thy tongueMakes Welsh as sweet as ditties highly penn’d,Sung by a fair queen in a summer’s bower,With ravishing division, to her lute.GLENDOWER.Nay, if you melt, then will she run mad.[Lady Mortimerspeaks toMortimeragain in Welsh.]MORTIMER.O, I am ignorance itself in this!GLENDOWER.She bids you on the wanton rushes lay you down,And rest your gentle head upon her lap,And she will sing the song that pleaseth you,And on your eyelids crown the god of sleep,Charming your blood with pleasing heaviness,Making such difference ’twixt wake and sleepAs is the difference betwixt day and night,The hour before the heavenly-harness’d teamBegins his golden progress in the east.MORTIMER.With all my heart I’ll sit and hear her sing,By that time will our book, I think, be drawn.GLENDOWER.Do so, and those musicians that shall play to youHang in the air a thousand leagues from hence,And straight they shall be here: sit, and attend.HOTSPUR.Come, Kate, thou art perfect in lying down.Come, quick, quick, that I may lay my head in thy lap.LADY PERCY.Go, ye giddy goose.[The music plays.]HOTSPUR.Now I perceive the devil understands Welsh,And ’tis no marvel he’s so humorous.By’r Lady, he’s a good musician.LADY PERCY.Then should you be nothing but musical,For you are altogether governed by humours.Lie still, ye thief, and hear the lady sing in Welsh.HOTSPUR.I had rather hear Lady, my brach, howl in Irish.LADY PERCY.Wouldst thou have thy head broken?HOTSPUR.No.LADY PERCY.Then be still.HOTSPUR.Neither; ’tis a woman’s fault.LADY PERCY.Now God help thee!HOTSPUR.To the Welsh lady’s bed.LADY PERCY.What’s that?HOTSPUR.Peace, she sings.[Here the lady sings a Welsh song.]Come, Kate, I’ll have your song too.LADY PERCY.Not mine, in good sooth.HOTSPUR.Not yours, in good sooth! Heart! you swear like a comfit-maker’s wife! “Not you, in good sooth,” and “As true as I live,” and “As God shall mend me,” and “As sure as day”And givest such sarcenet surety for thy oathsAs if thou never walk’dst further than Finsbury.Swear me, Kate, like a lady as thou art,A good mouth-filling oath, and leave “In sooth,”And such protest of pepper-gingerbread,To velvet-guards and Sunday citizens.Come, sing.LADY PERCY.I will not sing.HOTSPUR.’Tis the next way to turn tailor, or be redbreast-teacher. An the indentures be drawn, I’ll away within these two hours; and so come in when ye will.[Exit.]GLENDOWER.Come, come, Lord Mortimer, you are as slowAs hot Lord Percy is on fire to go.By this our book is drawn. We’ll but seal,And then to horse immediately.MORTIMER.With all my heart.[Exeunt.]SCENE II. London. A Room in the Palace.EnterKing Henry, Prince Henryand Lords.KING.Lords, give us leave; the Prince of Wales and IMust have some private conference: but be near at hand,For we shall presently have need of you.[Exeunt Lords.]I know not whether God will have it soFor some displeasing service I have done,That, in His secret doom, out of my bloodHe’ll breed revengement and a scourge for me;But thou dost in thy passages of lifeMake me believe that thou art only mark’dFor the hot vengeance and the rod of heavenTo punish my mistreadings. Tell me else,Could such inordinate and low desires,Such poor, such bare, such lewd, such mean attempts,Such barren pleasures, rude society,As thou art match’d withal, and grafted to,Accompany the greatness of thy blood,And hold their level with thy princely heart?PRINCE.So please your Majesty, I would I couldQuit all offences with as clear excuseAs well as I am doubtless I can purgeMyself of many I am charged withal.Yet such extenuation let me begAs, in reproof of many tales devised,By smiling pickthanks and base newsmongers,Which oft the ear of greatness needs must hear,I may for some things true, wherein my youthHath faulty wander’d and irregular,Find pardon on my true submission.KING.God pardon thee! Yet let me wonder, Harry,At thy affections, which do hold a wingQuite from the flight of all thy ancestors.Thy place in Council thou hast rudely lost,Which by thy younger brother is supplied,And art almost an alien to the heartsOf all the court and princes of my blood.The hope and expectation of thy timeIs ruin’d, and the soul of every manProphetically do forethink thy fall.Had I so lavish of my presence been,So common-hackney’d in the eyes of men,So stale and cheap to vulgar company,Opinion, that did help me to the crown,Had still kept loyal to possession,And left me in reputeless banishment,A fellow of no mark nor likelihood.By being seldom seen, I could not stirBut like a comet I was wonder’d at,That men would tell their children, “This is he.”Others would say, “Where, which is Bolingbroke?”And then I stole all courtesy from heaven,And dress’d myself in such humilityThat I did pluck allegiance from men’s hearts,Loud shouts and salutations from their mouths,Even in the presence of the crowned King.Thus did I keep my person fresh and new,My presence, like a robe pontifical,Ne’er seen but wonder’d at, and so my state,Seldom but sumptuous, showed like a feast,And won by rareness such solemnity.The skipping King, he ambled up and downWith shallow jesters and rash bavin wits,Soon kindled and soon burnt; carded his state,Mingled his royalty, with cap’ring fools,Had his great name profaned with their scorns,And gave his countenance, against his name,To laugh at gibing boys, and stand the pushOf every beardless vain comparative;Grew a companion to the common streets,Enfeoff’d himself to popularity,That, being daily swallow’d by men’s eyes,They surfeited with honey, and beganTo loathe the taste of sweetness, whereof a littleMore than a little is by much too much.So, when he had occasion to be seen,He was but as the cuckoo is in June,Heard, not regarded; seen, but with such eyesAs, sick and blunted with community,Afford no extraordinary gaze,Such as is bent on sun-like majestyWhen it shines seldom in admiring eyes,But rather drowsed and hung their eyelids down,Slept in his face, and render’d such aspectAs cloudy men use to their adversaries,Being with his presence glutted, gorged, and full.And in that very line, Harry, standest thou,For thou hast lost thy princely privilegeWith vile participation. Not an eyeBut is a-weary of thy common sight,Save mine, which hath desired to see thee more,Which now doth that I would not have it do,Make blind itself with foolish tenderness.PRINCE.I shall hereafter, my thrice gracious lord,Be more myself.KING.For all the worldAs thou art to this hour was Richard thenWhen I from France set foot at Ravenspurgh,And even as I was then is Percy now.Now, by my sceptre, and my soul to boot,He hath more worthy interest to the stateThan thou, the shadow of succession.For of no right, nor colour like to right,He doth fill fields with harness in the realm,Turns head against the lion’s armed jaws,And, being no more in debt to years than thou,Leads ancient lords and reverend bishops onTo bloody battles and to bruising arms.What never-dying honour hath he gotAgainst renowned Douglas! whose high deeds,Whose hot incursions and great name in arms,Holds from all soldiers chief majorityAnd military title capitalThrough all the kingdoms that acknowledge Christ.Thrice hath this Hotspur, Mars in swathing clothes,This infant warrior, in his enterprisesDiscomfited great Douglas, ta’en him once,Enlarged him, and made a friend of him,To fill the mouth of deep defiance up,And shake the peace and safety of our throne.And what say you to this? Percy, Northumberland,The Archbishop’s Grace of York, Douglas, Mortimer,Capitulate against us and are up.But wherefore do I tell these news to thee?Why, Harry, do I tell thee of my foes,Which art my nearest and dearest enemy?Thou that art like enough, through vassal fear,Base inclination, and the start of spleen,To fight against me under Percy’s pay,To dog his heels, and curtsy at his frowns,To show how much thou art degenerate.PRINCE.Do not think so, you shall not find it so.And God forgive them that so much have sway’dYour Majesty’s good thoughts away from me!I will redeem all this on Percy’s head,And, in the closing of some glorious day,Be bold to tell you that I am your son,When I will wear a garment all of blood,And stain my favours in a bloody mask,Which, wash’d away, shall scour my shame with it.And that shall be the day, whene’er it lights,That this same child of honour and renown,This gallant Hotspur, this all-praised knight,And your unthought-of Harry chance to meet.For every honour sitting on his helm,Would they were multitudes, and on my headMy shames redoubled! For the time will come,That I shall make this northern youth exchangeHis glorious deeds for my indignities.Percy is but my factor, good my lord,To engross up glorious deeds on my behalf,And I will call him to so strict accountThat he shall render every glory up,Yea, even the slightest worship of his time,Or I will tear the reckoning from his heart.This in the name of God I promise here,The which if He be pleased I shall perform,I do beseech your Majesty may salveThe long-grown wounds of my intemperance.If not, the end of life cancels all bands,And I will die a hundred thousand deathsEre break the smallest parcel of this vow.KING.A hundred thousand rebels die in this.Thou shalt have charge and sovereign trust herein.EnterSir Walter Blunt.How now, good Blunt? Thy looks are full of speed.BLUNT.So hath the business that I come to speak of.Lord Mortimer of Scotland hath sent wordThat Douglas and the English rebels metThe eleventh of this month at Shrewsbury.A mighty and a fearful head they are,If promises be kept on every hand,As ever offer’d foul play in a state.KING.The Earl of Westmoreland set forth today,With him my son, Lord John of Lancaster,For this advertisement is five days old.On Wednesday next you, Harry, shall set forward,On Thursday we ourselves will march.Our meeting is Bridgenorth. And, Harry, youShall march through Gloustershire; by which account,Our business valued, some twelve days henceOur general forces at Bridgenorth shall meet.Our hands are full of business. Let’s away,Advantage feeds him fat while men delay.[Exeunt.]SCENE III. Eastcheap. A Room in the Boar’s Head Tavern.EnterFalstaffandBardolph.FALSTAFF.Bardolph, am I not fallen away vilely since this last action? Do I not bate? Do I not dwindle? Why, my skin hangs about me like an old lady’s loose gown. I am withered like an old apple-john. Well, I’ll repent, and that suddenly, while I am in some liking. I shall be out of heart shortly, and then I shall have no strength to repent. An I have not forgotten what the inside of a church is made of, I am a peppercorn, a brewer’s horse. The inside of a church! Company, villainous company, hath been the spoil of me.BARDOLPH.Sir John, you are so fretful, you cannot live long.FALSTAFF.Why, there is it. Come, sing me a song, make me merry. I was as virtuously given as a gentleman need to be, virtuous enough; swore little; diced not above seven times—a week; went to a bawdy house not above once in a quarter—in an hour; paid money that I borrowed—three or four times; lived well and in good compass; and now I live out of all order, out of all compass.BARDOLPH.Why, you are so fat, Sir John, that you must needs be out of all compass, out of all reasonable compass, Sir John.FALSTAFF.Do thou amend thy face, and I’ll amend my life. Thou art our admiral, thou bearest the lantern in the poop, but ’tis in the nose of thee. Thou art the Knight of the Burning Lamp.BARDOLPH.Why, Sir John, my face does you no harm.FALSTAFF.No, I’ll be sworn, I make as good use of it as many a man doth of a death’s-head or amemento mori. I never see thy face but I think upon hell-fire, and Dives that lived in purple, for there he is in his robes, burning, burning. If thou wert any way given to virtue, I would swear by thy face. My oath should be, “By this fire, that’s God’s angel.” But thou art altogether given over; and wert indeed, but for the light in thy face, the son of utter darkness. When thou ran’st up Gad’s Hill in the night to catch my horse, if I did not think thou hadst been anignis fatuusor a ball of wildfire, there’s no purchase in money. O, thou art a perpetual triumph, an everlasting bonfire-light! Thou hast saved me a thousand marks in links and torches, walking with thee in the night betwixt tavern and tavern: but the sack that thou hast drunk me would have bought me lights as good cheap at the dearest chandler’s in Europe. I have maintained that salamander of yours with fire any time this two-and-thirty years, God reward me for it!BARDOLPH.’Sblood, I would my face were in your belly!FALSTAFF.God-a-mercy! so should I be sure to be heartburnt.Enter theHostess.How now, Dame Partlet the hen, have you enquired yet who picked my pocket?HOSTESS.Why, Sir John, what do you think, Sir John, do you think I keep thieves in my house? I have searched, I have enquired, so has my husband, man by man, boy by boy, servant by servant. The tithe of a hair was never lost in my house before.FALSTAFF.Ye lie, hostess. Bardolph was shaved and lost many a hair, and I’ll be sworn my pocket was picked. Go to, you are a woman, go.HOSTESS.Who, I? No; I defy thee: God’s light, I was never called so in mine own house before.FALSTAFF.Go to, I know you well enough.HOSTESS.No, Sir John, you do not know me, Sir John. I know you, Sir John, you owe me money, Sir John, and now you pick a quarrel to beguile me of it. I bought you a dozen of shirts to your back.FALSTAFF.Dowlas, filthy dowlas. I have given them away to bakers’ wives; and they have made bolters of them.HOSTESS.Now, as I am a true woman, holland of eight shillings an ell. You owe money here besides, Sir John, for your diet and by-drinkings, and money lent you, four-and-twenty pound.FALSTAFF.He had his part of it, let him pay.HOSTESS.He? Alas, he is poor, he hath nothing.FALSTAFF.How? Poor? Look upon his face. What call you rich? Let them coin his nose, let them coin his cheeks. I’ll not pay a denier. What, will you make a younker of me? Shall I not take mine ease in mine inn but I shall have my pocket picked? I have lost a seal-ring of my grandfather’s worth forty mark.HOSTESS.O Jesu, I have heard the Prince tell him, I know not how oft, that that ring was copper.FALSTAFF.How? The Prince is a Jack, a sneak-up. ’Sblood, an he were here, I would cudgel him like a dog if he would say so.EnterPrince HenrywithPeto,marching.Falstaffmeets him, playing on his truncheon like a fife.How now, lad? Is the wind in that door, i’faith? Must we all march?BARDOLPH.Yea, two and two, Newgate fashion.HOSTESS.My lord, I pray you, hear me.PRINCE.What say’st thou, Mistress Quickly? How doth thy husband? I love him well; he is an honest man.HOSTESS.Good my lord, hear me.FALSTAFF.Prithee, let her alone, and list to me.PRINCE.What say’st thou, Jack?FALSTAFF.The other night I fell asleep here, behind the arras, and had my pocket picked. This house is turned bawdy-house; they pick pockets.PRINCE.What didst thou lose, Jack?FALSTAFF.Wilt thou believe me, Hal, three or four bonds of forty pound apiece and a seal-ring of my grandfather’s.PRINCE.A trifle, some eightpenny matter.HOSTESS.So I told him, my lord, and I said I heard your Grace say so. And, my lord, he speaks most vilely of you, like a foul-mouthed man as he is, and said he would cudgel you.PRINCE.What! he did not?HOSTESS.There’s neither faith, truth, nor womanhood in me else.FALSTAFF.There’s no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune, nor no more truth in thee than in a drawn fox; and, for woman-hood, Maid Marian may be the deputy’s wife of the ward to thee. Go, you thing, go.HOSTESS.Say, what thing, what thing?FALSTAFF.What thing? Why, a thing to thank God on.HOSTESS.I am no thing to thank God on, I would thou shouldst know it! I am an honest man’s wife, and, setting thy knighthood aside, thou art a knave to call me so.FALSTAFF.Setting thy womanhood aside, thou art a beast to say otherwise.HOSTESS.Say, what beast, thou knave, thou?FALSTAFF.What beast? Why, an otter.PRINCE.An otter, Sir John? Why an otter?FALSTAFF.Why, she’s neither fish nor flesh; a man knows not where to have her.HOSTESS.Thou art an unjust man in saying so, thou or any man knows where to have me, thou knave, thou.PRINCE.Thou say’st true, hostess, and he slanders thee most grossly.HOSTESS.So he doth you, my lord, and said this other day you ought him a thousand pound.PRINCE.Sirrah, do I owe you a thousand pound?FALSTAFF.A thousand pound, Hal? A million. Thy love is worth a million; thou owest me thy love.HOSTESS.Nay, my lord, he call’d you Jack, and said he would cudgel you.FALSTAFF.Did I, Bardolph?BARDOLPH.Indeed, Sir John, you said so.FALSTAFF.Yea, if he said my ring was copper.PRINCE.I say ’tis copper. Darest thou be as good as thy word now?FALSTAFF.Why, Hal, thou knowest, as thou art but man, I dare, but as thou art prince, I fear thee as I fear the roaring of the lion’s whelp.PRINCE.And why not as the lion?FALSTAFF.The King himself is to be feared as the lion. Dost thou think I’ll fear thee as I fear thy father? Nay, an I do, I pray God my girdle break.PRINCE.O, if it should, how would thy guts fall about thy knees! But, sirrah, there’s no room for faith, truth, nor honesty in this bosom of thine; it is all filled up with midriff. Charge an honest woman with picking thy pocket! Why, thou whoreson, impudent, embossed rascal, if there were anything in thy pocket but tavern reckonings, memorandums of bawdy houses, and one poor pennyworth of sugar-candy to make thee long-winded, if thy pocket were enriched with any other injuries but these, I am a villain. And yet you will stand to it, you will not pocket up wrong. Art thou not ashamed!FALSTAFF.Dost thou hear, Hal? Thou knowest in the state of innocency Adam fell, and what should poor Jack Falstaff do in the days of villainy? Thou seest I have more flesh than another man and therefore more frailty. You confess, then, you picked my pocket?PRINCE.It appears so by the story.FALSTAFF.Hostess, I forgive thee. Go make ready breakfast, love thy husband, look to thy servants, cherish thy guests. Thou shalt find me tractable to any honest reason. Thou seest I am pacified still. Nay, prithee, be gone.[ExitHostess.]Now, Hal, to the news at court. For the robbery, lad, how is that answered?PRINCE.O, my sweet beef, I must still be good angel to thee. The money is paid back again.FALSTAFF.O, I do not like that paying back, ’tis a double labour.PRINCE.I am good friends with my father, and may do anything.FALSTAFF.Rob me the exchequer the first thing thou dost, and do it with unwashed hands too.BARDOLPH.Do, my lord.PRINCE.I have procured thee, Jack, a charge of foot.FALSTAFF.I would it had been of horse. Where shall I find one that can steal well? O, for a fine thief, of the age of two-and-twenty or thereabouts! I am heinously unprovided. Well, God be thanked for these rebels; they offend none but the virtuous. I laud them, I praise them.PRINCE.Bardolph!BARDOLPH.My lord?PRINCE.Go bear this letter to Lord John of Lancaster,To my brother John; this to my Lord of Westmoreland.[ExitBardolph.]Go, Peto, to horse, to horse, for thou and IHave thirty miles to ride yet ere dinner-time.[ExitPeto.]Jack, meet me tomorrow in the Temple hallAt two o’clock in the afternoon;There shalt thou know thy charge, and there receiveMoney and order for their furniture.The land is burning, Percy stands on high,And either we or they must lower lie.[Exit.]FALSTAFF.Rare words! Brave world!—Hostess, my breakfast, come.—O, I could wish this tavern were my drum.[Exit.]
EnterHotspur, Worcester, MortimerandGlendower.
MORTIMER.These promises are fair, the parties sure,And our induction full of prosperous hope.
HOTSPUR.Lord Mortimer and cousin Glendower,Will you sit down? And uncle Worcester,A plague upon it! I have forgot the map.
GLENDOWER.No, here it is.Sit, cousin Percy, sit, good cousin Hotspur;For by that name as oft as Lancaster doth speak of youHis cheek looks pale, and with a rising sighHe wisheth you in heaven.
HOTSPUR.And you in hell,As oft as he hears Owen Glendower spoke of.
GLENDOWER.I cannot blame him. At my nativityThe front of heaven was full of fiery shapes,Of burning cressets, and at my birthThe frame and huge foundation of the EarthShaked like a coward.
HOTSPUR.Why, so it would have doneAt the same season, if your mother’s catHad but kitten’d, though yourself had never been born.
GLENDOWER.I say the Earth did shake when I was born.
HOTSPUR.And I say the Earth was not of my mind,If you suppose as fearing you it shook.
GLENDOWER.The heavens were all on fire, the Earth did tremble.
HOTSPUR.O, then th’ Earth shook to see the heavens on fire,And not in fear of your nativity.Diseased nature oftentimes breaks forthIn strange eruptions; oft the teeming EarthIs with a kind of colic pinch’d and vex’dBy the imprisoning of unruly windWithin her womb, which for enlargement striving,Shakes the old beldam Earth, and topples downSteeples and moss-grown towers. At your birthOur grandam Earth, having this distemp’rature,In passion shook.
GLENDOWER.Cousin, of many menI do not bear these crossings. Give me leaveTo tell you once again that at my birthThe front of heaven was full of fiery shapes,The goats ran from the mountains, and the herdsWere strangely clamorous to the frighted fields.These signs have mark’d me extraordinary,And all the courses of my life do showI am not in the roll of common men.Where is he living, clipp’d in with the seaThat chides the banks of England, Scotland, Wales,Which calls me pupil or hath read to me?And bring him out that is but woman’s sonCan trace me in the tedious ways of art,And hold me pace in deep experiments.
HOTSPUR.I think there is no man speaks better Welsh.I’ll to dinner.
MORTIMER.Peace, cousin Percy, you will make him mad.
GLENDOWER.I can call spirits from the vasty deep.
HOTSPUR.Why, so can I, or so can any man,But will they come when you do call for them?
GLENDOWER.Why, I can teach you, cousin, to command the devil.
HOTSPUR.And I can teach thee, coz, to shame the devilBy telling truth; tell truth, and shame the devil.If thou have power to raise him, bring him hither,And I’ll be sworn I have power to shame him hence.O, while you live, tell truth, and shame the devil!
MORTIMER.Come, come, no more of this unprofitable chat.
GLENDOWER.Three times hath Henry Bolingbroke made headAgainst my power; thrice from the banks of WyeAnd sandy-bottom’d Severn have I sent himBootless home and weather-beaten back.
HOTSPUR.Home without boots, and in foul weather too!How ’scapes he agues, in the devil’s name!
GLENDOWER.Come, here’s the map, shall we divide our rightAccording to our threefold order ta’en?
MORTIMER.The archdeacon hath divided itInto three limits very equally:England, from Trent and Severn hitherto,By south and east is to my part assign’d:All westward, Wales beyond the Severn shore,And all the fertile land within that bound,To Owen Glendower: and, dear coz, to youThe remnant northward lying off from Trent.And our indentures tripartite are drawn,Which being sealed interchangeably,A business that this night may execute,Tomorrow, cousin Percy, you and I,And my good Lord of Worcester will set forthTo meet your father and the Scottish power,As is appointed us, at Shrewsbury.My father Glendower is not ready yet,Nor shall we need his help these fourteen days.[To Glendower.] Within that space you may have drawn togetherYour tenants, friends, and neighbouring gentlemen.
GLENDOWER.A shorter time shall send me to you, lords,And in my conduct shall your ladies come,From whom you now must steal, and take no leave,For there will be a world of water shedUpon the parting of your wives and you.
HOTSPUR.Methinks my moiety, north from Burton here,In quantity equals not one of yours.See how this river comes me cranking in,And cuts me from the best of all my landA huge half-moon, a monstrous cantle out.I’ll have the current in this place dammed up,And here the smug and silver Trent shall runIn a new channel, fair and evenly.It shall not wind with such a deep indent,To rob me of so rich a bottom here.
GLENDOWER.Not wind? It shall, it must. You see it doth.
MORTIMER.Yea, but mark how he bears his course, and runs me upWith like advantage on the other side,Gelding the opposed continent as muchAs on the other side it takes from you.
WORCESTER.Yea, but a little charge will trench him here,And on this north side win this cape of land,And then he runs straight and even.
HOTSPUR.I’ll have it so, a little charge will do it.
GLENDOWER.I’ll not have it altered.
HOTSPUR.Will not you?
GLENDOWER.No, nor you shall not.
HOTSPUR.Who shall say me nay?
GLENDOWER.Why, that will I.
HOTSPUR.Let me not understand you, then; speak it in Welsh.
GLENDOWER.I can speak English, lord, as well as you,For I was train’d up in the English Court,Where being but young I framed to the harpMany an English ditty lovely well,And gave the tongue a helpful ornament—A virtue that was never seen in you.
HOTSPUR.Marry, and I am glad of it with all my heart.I had rather be a kitten, and cry “mew”Than one of these same metre ballad-mongers;I had rather hear a brazen canstick turn’d,Or a dry wheel grate on the axletree,And that would set my teeth nothing on edge,Nothing so much as mincing poetry.’Tis like the forced gait of a shuffling nag.
GLENDOWER.Come, you shall have Trent turn’d.
HOTSPUR.I do not care. I’ll give thrice so much landTo any well-deserving friend;But in the way of bargain, mark ye me,I’ll cavil on the ninth part of a hair.Are the indentures drawn? Shall we be gone?
GLENDOWER.The moon shines fair, you may away by night.I’ll haste the writer, and withalBreak with your wives of your departure hence.I am afraid my daughter will run mad,So much she doteth on her Mortimer.
[Exit.]
MORTIMER.Fie, cousin Percy, how you cross my father!
HOTSPUR.I cannot choose. Sometimes he angers meWith telling me of the moldwarp and the ant,Of the dreamer Merlin and his prophecies,And of a dragon and a finless fish,A clip-wing’d griffin and a moulten raven,A couching lion and a ramping cat,And such a deal of skimble-skamble stuffAs puts me from my faith. I tell you what—He held me last night at least nine hoursIn reckoning up the several devils’ namesThat were his lackeys: I cried “Hum,” and “Well, go to,”But mark’d him not a word. O, he is as tediousAs a tired horse, a railing wife,Worse than a smoky house. I had rather liveWith cheese and garlic in a windmill, far,Than feed on cates and have him talk to meIn any summer house in Christendom.
MORTIMER.In faith, he is a worthy gentleman,Exceedingly well read, and profitedIn strange concealments, valiant as a lion,And wondrous affable, and as bountifulAs mines of India. Shall I tell you, cousin?He holds your temper in a high respectAnd curbs himself even of his natural scopeWhen you come cross his humour, faith, he does.I warrant you that man is not aliveMight so have tempted him as you have doneWithout the taste of danger and reproof:But do not use it oft, let me entreat you.
WORCESTER.In faith, my lord, you are too wilful-blame,And since your coming hither have done enoughTo put him quite besides his patience.You must needs learn, lord, to amend this fault.Though sometimes it show greatness, courage, blood—And that’s the dearest grace it renders you—Yet oftentimes it doth present harsh rage,Defect of manners, want of government,Pride, haughtiness, opinion, and disdain,The least of which haunting a noblemanLoseth men’s hearts and leaves behind a stainUpon the beauty of all parts besides,Beguiling them of commendation.
HOTSPUR.Well, I am school’d. Good manners be your speed!Here come our wives, and let us take our leave.
EnterGlendowerwithLady MortimerandLady Percy.
MORTIMER.This is the deadly spite that angers me,My wife can speak no English, I no Welsh.
GLENDOWER.My daughter weeps, she’ll not part with you,She’ll be a soldier too, she’ll to the wars.
MORTIMER.Good father, tell her that she and my aunt PercyShall follow in your conduct speedily.
[Glendowerspeaks toLady Mortimerin Welsh, and she answers him in the same.]
GLENDOWER.She is desperate here, a peevish self-willed harlotry,One that no persuasion can do good upon.
[Lady Mortimerspeaks toMortimerin Welsh.]
MORTIMER.I understand thy looks, that pretty WelshWhich thou pourest down from these swelling heavensI am too perfect in, and but for shameIn such a parley should I answer thee.
[Lady Mortimerspeaks to him again in Welsh.]
I understand thy kisses, and thou mine,And that’s a feeling disputation,But I will never be a truant, love,Till I have learnt thy language; for thy tongueMakes Welsh as sweet as ditties highly penn’d,Sung by a fair queen in a summer’s bower,With ravishing division, to her lute.
GLENDOWER.Nay, if you melt, then will she run mad.
[Lady Mortimerspeaks toMortimeragain in Welsh.]
MORTIMER.O, I am ignorance itself in this!
GLENDOWER.She bids you on the wanton rushes lay you down,And rest your gentle head upon her lap,And she will sing the song that pleaseth you,And on your eyelids crown the god of sleep,Charming your blood with pleasing heaviness,Making such difference ’twixt wake and sleepAs is the difference betwixt day and night,The hour before the heavenly-harness’d teamBegins his golden progress in the east.
MORTIMER.With all my heart I’ll sit and hear her sing,By that time will our book, I think, be drawn.
GLENDOWER.Do so, and those musicians that shall play to youHang in the air a thousand leagues from hence,And straight they shall be here: sit, and attend.
HOTSPUR.Come, Kate, thou art perfect in lying down.Come, quick, quick, that I may lay my head in thy lap.
LADY PERCY.Go, ye giddy goose.
[The music plays.]
HOTSPUR.Now I perceive the devil understands Welsh,And ’tis no marvel he’s so humorous.By’r Lady, he’s a good musician.
LADY PERCY.Then should you be nothing but musical,For you are altogether governed by humours.Lie still, ye thief, and hear the lady sing in Welsh.
HOTSPUR.I had rather hear Lady, my brach, howl in Irish.
LADY PERCY.Wouldst thou have thy head broken?
HOTSPUR.No.
LADY PERCY.Then be still.
HOTSPUR.Neither; ’tis a woman’s fault.
LADY PERCY.Now God help thee!
HOTSPUR.To the Welsh lady’s bed.
LADY PERCY.What’s that?
HOTSPUR.Peace, she sings.
[Here the lady sings a Welsh song.]
Come, Kate, I’ll have your song too.
LADY PERCY.Not mine, in good sooth.
HOTSPUR.Not yours, in good sooth! Heart! you swear like a comfit-maker’s wife! “Not you, in good sooth,” and “As true as I live,” and “As God shall mend me,” and “As sure as day”And givest such sarcenet surety for thy oathsAs if thou never walk’dst further than Finsbury.Swear me, Kate, like a lady as thou art,A good mouth-filling oath, and leave “In sooth,”And such protest of pepper-gingerbread,To velvet-guards and Sunday citizens.Come, sing.
LADY PERCY.I will not sing.
HOTSPUR.’Tis the next way to turn tailor, or be redbreast-teacher. An the indentures be drawn, I’ll away within these two hours; and so come in when ye will.
[Exit.]
GLENDOWER.Come, come, Lord Mortimer, you are as slowAs hot Lord Percy is on fire to go.By this our book is drawn. We’ll but seal,And then to horse immediately.
MORTIMER.With all my heart.
[Exeunt.]
EnterKing Henry, Prince Henryand Lords.
KING.Lords, give us leave; the Prince of Wales and IMust have some private conference: but be near at hand,For we shall presently have need of you.
[Exeunt Lords.]
I know not whether God will have it soFor some displeasing service I have done,That, in His secret doom, out of my bloodHe’ll breed revengement and a scourge for me;But thou dost in thy passages of lifeMake me believe that thou art only mark’dFor the hot vengeance and the rod of heavenTo punish my mistreadings. Tell me else,Could such inordinate and low desires,Such poor, such bare, such lewd, such mean attempts,Such barren pleasures, rude society,As thou art match’d withal, and grafted to,Accompany the greatness of thy blood,And hold their level with thy princely heart?
PRINCE.So please your Majesty, I would I couldQuit all offences with as clear excuseAs well as I am doubtless I can purgeMyself of many I am charged withal.Yet such extenuation let me begAs, in reproof of many tales devised,By smiling pickthanks and base newsmongers,Which oft the ear of greatness needs must hear,I may for some things true, wherein my youthHath faulty wander’d and irregular,Find pardon on my true submission.
KING.God pardon thee! Yet let me wonder, Harry,At thy affections, which do hold a wingQuite from the flight of all thy ancestors.Thy place in Council thou hast rudely lost,Which by thy younger brother is supplied,And art almost an alien to the heartsOf all the court and princes of my blood.The hope and expectation of thy timeIs ruin’d, and the soul of every manProphetically do forethink thy fall.Had I so lavish of my presence been,So common-hackney’d in the eyes of men,So stale and cheap to vulgar company,Opinion, that did help me to the crown,Had still kept loyal to possession,And left me in reputeless banishment,A fellow of no mark nor likelihood.By being seldom seen, I could not stirBut like a comet I was wonder’d at,That men would tell their children, “This is he.”Others would say, “Where, which is Bolingbroke?”And then I stole all courtesy from heaven,And dress’d myself in such humilityThat I did pluck allegiance from men’s hearts,Loud shouts and salutations from their mouths,Even in the presence of the crowned King.Thus did I keep my person fresh and new,My presence, like a robe pontifical,Ne’er seen but wonder’d at, and so my state,Seldom but sumptuous, showed like a feast,And won by rareness such solemnity.The skipping King, he ambled up and downWith shallow jesters and rash bavin wits,Soon kindled and soon burnt; carded his state,Mingled his royalty, with cap’ring fools,Had his great name profaned with their scorns,And gave his countenance, against his name,To laugh at gibing boys, and stand the pushOf every beardless vain comparative;Grew a companion to the common streets,Enfeoff’d himself to popularity,That, being daily swallow’d by men’s eyes,They surfeited with honey, and beganTo loathe the taste of sweetness, whereof a littleMore than a little is by much too much.So, when he had occasion to be seen,He was but as the cuckoo is in June,Heard, not regarded; seen, but with such eyesAs, sick and blunted with community,Afford no extraordinary gaze,Such as is bent on sun-like majestyWhen it shines seldom in admiring eyes,But rather drowsed and hung their eyelids down,Slept in his face, and render’d such aspectAs cloudy men use to their adversaries,Being with his presence glutted, gorged, and full.And in that very line, Harry, standest thou,For thou hast lost thy princely privilegeWith vile participation. Not an eyeBut is a-weary of thy common sight,Save mine, which hath desired to see thee more,Which now doth that I would not have it do,Make blind itself with foolish tenderness.
PRINCE.I shall hereafter, my thrice gracious lord,Be more myself.
KING.For all the worldAs thou art to this hour was Richard thenWhen I from France set foot at Ravenspurgh,And even as I was then is Percy now.Now, by my sceptre, and my soul to boot,He hath more worthy interest to the stateThan thou, the shadow of succession.For of no right, nor colour like to right,He doth fill fields with harness in the realm,Turns head against the lion’s armed jaws,And, being no more in debt to years than thou,Leads ancient lords and reverend bishops onTo bloody battles and to bruising arms.What never-dying honour hath he gotAgainst renowned Douglas! whose high deeds,Whose hot incursions and great name in arms,Holds from all soldiers chief majorityAnd military title capitalThrough all the kingdoms that acknowledge Christ.Thrice hath this Hotspur, Mars in swathing clothes,This infant warrior, in his enterprisesDiscomfited great Douglas, ta’en him once,Enlarged him, and made a friend of him,To fill the mouth of deep defiance up,And shake the peace and safety of our throne.And what say you to this? Percy, Northumberland,The Archbishop’s Grace of York, Douglas, Mortimer,Capitulate against us and are up.But wherefore do I tell these news to thee?Why, Harry, do I tell thee of my foes,Which art my nearest and dearest enemy?Thou that art like enough, through vassal fear,Base inclination, and the start of spleen,To fight against me under Percy’s pay,To dog his heels, and curtsy at his frowns,To show how much thou art degenerate.
PRINCE.Do not think so, you shall not find it so.And God forgive them that so much have sway’dYour Majesty’s good thoughts away from me!I will redeem all this on Percy’s head,And, in the closing of some glorious day,Be bold to tell you that I am your son,When I will wear a garment all of blood,And stain my favours in a bloody mask,Which, wash’d away, shall scour my shame with it.And that shall be the day, whene’er it lights,That this same child of honour and renown,This gallant Hotspur, this all-praised knight,And your unthought-of Harry chance to meet.For every honour sitting on his helm,Would they were multitudes, and on my headMy shames redoubled! For the time will come,That I shall make this northern youth exchangeHis glorious deeds for my indignities.Percy is but my factor, good my lord,To engross up glorious deeds on my behalf,And I will call him to so strict accountThat he shall render every glory up,Yea, even the slightest worship of his time,Or I will tear the reckoning from his heart.This in the name of God I promise here,The which if He be pleased I shall perform,I do beseech your Majesty may salveThe long-grown wounds of my intemperance.If not, the end of life cancels all bands,And I will die a hundred thousand deathsEre break the smallest parcel of this vow.
KING.A hundred thousand rebels die in this.Thou shalt have charge and sovereign trust herein.
EnterSir Walter Blunt.
How now, good Blunt? Thy looks are full of speed.
BLUNT.So hath the business that I come to speak of.Lord Mortimer of Scotland hath sent wordThat Douglas and the English rebels metThe eleventh of this month at Shrewsbury.A mighty and a fearful head they are,If promises be kept on every hand,As ever offer’d foul play in a state.
KING.The Earl of Westmoreland set forth today,With him my son, Lord John of Lancaster,For this advertisement is five days old.On Wednesday next you, Harry, shall set forward,On Thursday we ourselves will march.Our meeting is Bridgenorth. And, Harry, youShall march through Gloustershire; by which account,Our business valued, some twelve days henceOur general forces at Bridgenorth shall meet.Our hands are full of business. Let’s away,Advantage feeds him fat while men delay.
[Exeunt.]
EnterFalstaffandBardolph.
FALSTAFF.Bardolph, am I not fallen away vilely since this last action? Do I not bate? Do I not dwindle? Why, my skin hangs about me like an old lady’s loose gown. I am withered like an old apple-john. Well, I’ll repent, and that suddenly, while I am in some liking. I shall be out of heart shortly, and then I shall have no strength to repent. An I have not forgotten what the inside of a church is made of, I am a peppercorn, a brewer’s horse. The inside of a church! Company, villainous company, hath been the spoil of me.
BARDOLPH.Sir John, you are so fretful, you cannot live long.
FALSTAFF.Why, there is it. Come, sing me a song, make me merry. I was as virtuously given as a gentleman need to be, virtuous enough; swore little; diced not above seven times—a week; went to a bawdy house not above once in a quarter—in an hour; paid money that I borrowed—three or four times; lived well and in good compass; and now I live out of all order, out of all compass.
BARDOLPH.Why, you are so fat, Sir John, that you must needs be out of all compass, out of all reasonable compass, Sir John.
FALSTAFF.Do thou amend thy face, and I’ll amend my life. Thou art our admiral, thou bearest the lantern in the poop, but ’tis in the nose of thee. Thou art the Knight of the Burning Lamp.
BARDOLPH.Why, Sir John, my face does you no harm.
FALSTAFF.No, I’ll be sworn, I make as good use of it as many a man doth of a death’s-head or amemento mori. I never see thy face but I think upon hell-fire, and Dives that lived in purple, for there he is in his robes, burning, burning. If thou wert any way given to virtue, I would swear by thy face. My oath should be, “By this fire, that’s God’s angel.” But thou art altogether given over; and wert indeed, but for the light in thy face, the son of utter darkness. When thou ran’st up Gad’s Hill in the night to catch my horse, if I did not think thou hadst been anignis fatuusor a ball of wildfire, there’s no purchase in money. O, thou art a perpetual triumph, an everlasting bonfire-light! Thou hast saved me a thousand marks in links and torches, walking with thee in the night betwixt tavern and tavern: but the sack that thou hast drunk me would have bought me lights as good cheap at the dearest chandler’s in Europe. I have maintained that salamander of yours with fire any time this two-and-thirty years, God reward me for it!
BARDOLPH.’Sblood, I would my face were in your belly!
FALSTAFF.God-a-mercy! so should I be sure to be heartburnt.
Enter theHostess.
How now, Dame Partlet the hen, have you enquired yet who picked my pocket?
HOSTESS.Why, Sir John, what do you think, Sir John, do you think I keep thieves in my house? I have searched, I have enquired, so has my husband, man by man, boy by boy, servant by servant. The tithe of a hair was never lost in my house before.
FALSTAFF.Ye lie, hostess. Bardolph was shaved and lost many a hair, and I’ll be sworn my pocket was picked. Go to, you are a woman, go.
HOSTESS.Who, I? No; I defy thee: God’s light, I was never called so in mine own house before.
FALSTAFF.Go to, I know you well enough.
HOSTESS.No, Sir John, you do not know me, Sir John. I know you, Sir John, you owe me money, Sir John, and now you pick a quarrel to beguile me of it. I bought you a dozen of shirts to your back.
FALSTAFF.Dowlas, filthy dowlas. I have given them away to bakers’ wives; and they have made bolters of them.
HOSTESS.Now, as I am a true woman, holland of eight shillings an ell. You owe money here besides, Sir John, for your diet and by-drinkings, and money lent you, four-and-twenty pound.
FALSTAFF.He had his part of it, let him pay.
HOSTESS.He? Alas, he is poor, he hath nothing.
FALSTAFF.How? Poor? Look upon his face. What call you rich? Let them coin his nose, let them coin his cheeks. I’ll not pay a denier. What, will you make a younker of me? Shall I not take mine ease in mine inn but I shall have my pocket picked? I have lost a seal-ring of my grandfather’s worth forty mark.
HOSTESS.O Jesu, I have heard the Prince tell him, I know not how oft, that that ring was copper.
FALSTAFF.How? The Prince is a Jack, a sneak-up. ’Sblood, an he were here, I would cudgel him like a dog if he would say so.
EnterPrince HenrywithPeto,marching.Falstaffmeets him, playing on his truncheon like a fife.
How now, lad? Is the wind in that door, i’faith? Must we all march?
BARDOLPH.Yea, two and two, Newgate fashion.
HOSTESS.My lord, I pray you, hear me.
PRINCE.What say’st thou, Mistress Quickly? How doth thy husband? I love him well; he is an honest man.
HOSTESS.Good my lord, hear me.
FALSTAFF.Prithee, let her alone, and list to me.
PRINCE.What say’st thou, Jack?
FALSTAFF.The other night I fell asleep here, behind the arras, and had my pocket picked. This house is turned bawdy-house; they pick pockets.
PRINCE.What didst thou lose, Jack?
FALSTAFF.Wilt thou believe me, Hal, three or four bonds of forty pound apiece and a seal-ring of my grandfather’s.
PRINCE.A trifle, some eightpenny matter.
HOSTESS.So I told him, my lord, and I said I heard your Grace say so. And, my lord, he speaks most vilely of you, like a foul-mouthed man as he is, and said he would cudgel you.
PRINCE.What! he did not?
HOSTESS.There’s neither faith, truth, nor womanhood in me else.
FALSTAFF.There’s no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune, nor no more truth in thee than in a drawn fox; and, for woman-hood, Maid Marian may be the deputy’s wife of the ward to thee. Go, you thing, go.
HOSTESS.Say, what thing, what thing?
FALSTAFF.What thing? Why, a thing to thank God on.
HOSTESS.I am no thing to thank God on, I would thou shouldst know it! I am an honest man’s wife, and, setting thy knighthood aside, thou art a knave to call me so.
FALSTAFF.Setting thy womanhood aside, thou art a beast to say otherwise.
HOSTESS.Say, what beast, thou knave, thou?
FALSTAFF.What beast? Why, an otter.
PRINCE.An otter, Sir John? Why an otter?
FALSTAFF.Why, she’s neither fish nor flesh; a man knows not where to have her.
HOSTESS.Thou art an unjust man in saying so, thou or any man knows where to have me, thou knave, thou.
PRINCE.Thou say’st true, hostess, and he slanders thee most grossly.
HOSTESS.So he doth you, my lord, and said this other day you ought him a thousand pound.
PRINCE.Sirrah, do I owe you a thousand pound?
FALSTAFF.
A thousand pound, Hal? A million. Thy love is worth a million; thou owest me thy love.
HOSTESS.Nay, my lord, he call’d you Jack, and said he would cudgel you.
FALSTAFF.Did I, Bardolph?
BARDOLPH.Indeed, Sir John, you said so.
FALSTAFF.Yea, if he said my ring was copper.
PRINCE.I say ’tis copper. Darest thou be as good as thy word now?
FALSTAFF.Why, Hal, thou knowest, as thou art but man, I dare, but as thou art prince, I fear thee as I fear the roaring of the lion’s whelp.
PRINCE.And why not as the lion?
FALSTAFF.The King himself is to be feared as the lion. Dost thou think I’ll fear thee as I fear thy father? Nay, an I do, I pray God my girdle break.
PRINCE.O, if it should, how would thy guts fall about thy knees! But, sirrah, there’s no room for faith, truth, nor honesty in this bosom of thine; it is all filled up with midriff. Charge an honest woman with picking thy pocket! Why, thou whoreson, impudent, embossed rascal, if there were anything in thy pocket but tavern reckonings, memorandums of bawdy houses, and one poor pennyworth of sugar-candy to make thee long-winded, if thy pocket were enriched with any other injuries but these, I am a villain. And yet you will stand to it, you will not pocket up wrong. Art thou not ashamed!
FALSTAFF.Dost thou hear, Hal? Thou knowest in the state of innocency Adam fell, and what should poor Jack Falstaff do in the days of villainy? Thou seest I have more flesh than another man and therefore more frailty. You confess, then, you picked my pocket?
PRINCE.It appears so by the story.
FALSTAFF.Hostess, I forgive thee. Go make ready breakfast, love thy husband, look to thy servants, cherish thy guests. Thou shalt find me tractable to any honest reason. Thou seest I am pacified still. Nay, prithee, be gone.
[ExitHostess.]
Now, Hal, to the news at court. For the robbery, lad, how is that answered?
PRINCE.O, my sweet beef, I must still be good angel to thee. The money is paid back again.
FALSTAFF.O, I do not like that paying back, ’tis a double labour.
PRINCE.I am good friends with my father, and may do anything.
FALSTAFF.Rob me the exchequer the first thing thou dost, and do it with unwashed hands too.
BARDOLPH.Do, my lord.
PRINCE.I have procured thee, Jack, a charge of foot.
FALSTAFF.I would it had been of horse. Where shall I find one that can steal well? O, for a fine thief, of the age of two-and-twenty or thereabouts! I am heinously unprovided. Well, God be thanked for these rebels; they offend none but the virtuous. I laud them, I praise them.
PRINCE.Bardolph!
BARDOLPH.My lord?
PRINCE.Go bear this letter to Lord John of Lancaster,To my brother John; this to my Lord of Westmoreland.
[ExitBardolph.]
Go, Peto, to horse, to horse, for thou and IHave thirty miles to ride yet ere dinner-time.
[ExitPeto.]
Jack, meet me tomorrow in the Temple hallAt two o’clock in the afternoon;There shalt thou know thy charge, and there receiveMoney and order for their furniture.The land is burning, Percy stands on high,And either we or they must lower lie.
[Exit.]
FALSTAFF.Rare words! Brave world!—Hostess, my breakfast, come.—O, I could wish this tavern were my drum.
[Exit.]