Now there remained none but the King himselfe, last of all to recount his Novell; who, after hee heard the Ladies complaints indifferently pacified, for the rash felling downe of such a precious Peare-tree; thus he began. Faire Ladies, it is a case more then manifest, that every King, who will be accounted just and upright: should first of all, and rather then any other, observe those Lawes which he himselfe hath made; otherwise he ought to be reputed as a servant, worthy of punishment, and no King. Into which fault and reprehension, I your King, shall well neere be constrained to fall; for yesterday I enacted a Law, upon the forme of our discoursing, with full intent, that this day I would not use any part of my priviledge; but being subject (as you all are) to the same Law, I should speake of that argument, which already you have done.
Wherein, you have not onely performed more then I could wish, upon a subject so sutable to my minde: but in every Novell, such variety of excellent matter, such singular illustrations, and delicate eloquence hath flowne from you all; as I am utterly unable to invent any thing (notwithstanding the most curious search of my braine) apt or fit for the purpose, to paragon the meanest of them already related. And therefore seeing I must needs sinne in the Law established by my selfe; I tender my submission, as worthy of punishment, or what amends else you please to enjoyne mee. Now, as returned to my wonted priviledge, I say, that the Novell recounted by MadameEliza, of the Fryar Godfather and his GossipAgnesia, as also the sottishnesse of theSeneseher Husband, hath wrought in me (worthy Ladies) to such effect; as, forbearing to speake any more of these wily prancks, which witty wives exercise on their simple Husbands; I am to tell you a pretty short Tale; which, though there is matter enough in it, not worthy the crediting, yet partly it will bee pleasing to heare.
Sometime there lived inSiennatwo popular men; the one being namedTingoccio Miniand the otherMeucio de Tora; Men simple, and of no understanding, both of them dwelling inPorta Salaia. These two men lived in such familiar conversation together, and expressed such cordiall affection each to other, as they seldome walked asunder; but (as honest men use to doe) frequented Churches and Sermons, oftentimes hearing, both what miseries and beatitudes were in the world to come, according to the merits of their soules that were departed out of this life, and found their equall repaiment in the other. The manifold repetition of these matters, made them very earnestly desirous to know, by what meanes they might have tydings from thence, for their further confirmation. And finding all their endeavours utterly frustrated, they made a solemne vow and promise (each to other under oath) that hee which first dyed of them two, should returne backe againe (so soone as possibly he could) to the other remaining alive, and tell him such tydings as hee desired to heare.
After the promise was thus faithfully made, and they still keeping company, as they were wont to doe: It fortuned, thatTingocciobecame Gossip to one, namedAmbrosito Anselmino, dwelling inCamporeggio, who by his wife, calledMonna Mita, had a sweet and lovely Sonne.Tingocciooften resorting thither, and consorted with his companionMeucio; the she-Gossip, being a woman worthy the loving, faire and comely of her person:Tingoccio, notwithstanding the Gossipship betweene them, had more then a moneths minde to his Godchilds Mother.Meucioalso fell sicke of the same disease, because shee seemed pleasing in his eye, andTingocciogave her no meane commendations; yet, carefully they concealed their love to themselves, but not for one & the same occasion. BecauseTingocciokept it closely fromMeucio, lest he should hold it disgracefull in him, to beare amourous affection to his Gossip, and thought it unfitting to bee knowne. ButMeuciohad no such meaning, for hee knew well enough thatTingoccioloved her, and therefore conceived in his minde, that if he discovered any such matter to him: He will (quoth he) be jealous of me, and being her Gossip, which admitteth his conference with her when himselfe pleaseth; he may easily make her to distaste me, and therefore I must rest contented as I am.
Their love continuing on still in this kinde,Tingoccioprooved so fortunate in the businesse, that having better meanes then his companion, and more prevayling courses, when, where, and how to Court his Mistresse, which seemed to forward him effectually. All whichMeucioplainely perceived, and though it was tedious and wearisome to him, yet hoping to finde some successe at length: he would not take notice of any thing, as fearing to infringe the amity betweene him andTingoccio, and so his hope to be quite supplanted. Thus the one triumphing in his loves happinesse, and the other hoping for his felicity to come; a lingering sickenesse seazed onTingoccio, which brought him to so low a condition, as at the length he dyed.
About some three or foure nights after,Meuciobeing fast asleepe in his bed, the ghoste ofTingoccioappeared to him, and called so loude, thatMeucioawaking, demanded who called him? I am thy friendTingoccio, replied the ghoste, who according to my former promise made, am come again in vision to thee, to tell thee tidings out of the nether world.Meuciowas a while somewhat amazed; but, recollecting his more manly spirits together, boldly he said. My brother and friend, thou art heartily welcome: but I thought thou hadst beene utterly lost. Those things (quothTingoccio) are lost, which cannot be recovered againe, and if I were lost, how could I then be heere with thee? AlasTingoccio, replyedMeucio, my meaning is not so: but I would be resolved, whether thou art among the damned soules, in the painefull fire of hell torments, or no? No (quothTingoccio) I am not sent thither, but for divers sinnes by mee committed I am to suffer very great and grievous paines. ThenMeuciodemaunded particularly, the punishments inflicted there, for the severall sinnes committed heere: WhereinTingocciofully resolved him. And upon further question, what hee would have to be done for him here, made answere, ThatMeucioshould cause Masses, Prayers and Almes deeds to be performed for him, which (he said) were very helpefull to the soules abiding there, andMeuciopromised to see them done.
As the ghost was offering to depart,MeucioremembredTingoccioesGossipMonna Mita, and raysing himselfe higher upon his pillowe, said. My memorie informeth me, friendTingoccio, of your kinde GossipMonna Mita, with whom (when you remained in this life) I knew you to be very familiar: let me intreat you then to tell me, what punishment is inflicted on you there, for that wanton sinne committed heere? Oh BrotherMeucio, answeredTingoccio, so soone as my soule was landed there, one came immediately to me, who seemed to know all mine offences readily by heart, and forthwith commanded, that I should depart thence into a certaine place, where I must weepe for my sinnes in very grievous paines. There I found more of my companions, condemned to the same punishment as I was, and being among them, I called to minde some wanton dalliances, which had passed betweene my Gossip and me, and expecting therefore farre greater afflictions, then as yet I felt (although I was in a huge fire, and exceedingly hot) yet with conceite of feare, I quaked and trembled wondrously.
One of my other Consorts being by me, and perceiving in what an extreame agony I was; presently said unto me. My friend, what hast thou done more, then any of us here condemned with thee, that thou tremblest and quakest, being in so hot a fire? Oh my friend (quoth I) I am in feare of a greater judgement then this, for a grievous offence by mee heretofore committed while I lived. Then hee demaunded of mee what offence it was, whereto thus I answered. It was my chance in the other world, to be Godfather at a childs Christning, and afterward I grew so affectionate to the childs mother, as (indeed) I kissed her twice or thrise. My companyon laughing at me in mocking manner, replyed thus. Goe like an Asse as thou art, and be no more affraid hereafter, for here is no punishment inflicted, in any kinde whatsoever, for such offences of frailty committed, especially with Gossips, as I my selfe can witnesse.
Now day drew on, and the Cockes began to crow, a dreadfull hearing to walking spirits, whenTingocciosaid toMeucio. Farewell my friendly companion, for I may tarry no longer with thee, and instantly hee vanished away.Meuciohaving heard this confession of his friend, and verily beleeving it for a truth, that no punishment was to be inflicted in the future world, for offences of frailty in this life, and chiefly with Gossips: began to condemne his owne folly, having bin a Gossip to many wives, yet modesty restrained him from such familiar offending. And therefore being sorry for this grosse ignorance, hee made a vowe to be wiser hereafter. And if FryarReynardhad been acquainted with this kind of shrift (as doubtlesse he was, though his GossipAgnesiaknew it not) he needed no such Syllogismes, as he put in practise, when he converted her to his lustfull knavery, in the comparison of kinred by him moved, concerning her husband, the childe and himselfe. But, these are the best fruits of such Fryerly Confessions, to compasse the issue of their inordinate appetites; yet clouded with the cloake of Religion, which hath beene the overthrow of too many.
By this time the gentle blast ofZephirusbegan to blow, because the Sunne grew neere his setting, wherewith the King concluded his Novell, and none remaining more to be thus imployed: taking the Crowne from off his owne head, he placed it on MadameLaurettaes, saying, Madame, I Crowne you with your owne Crowne, as Queene of our Company. You shall henceforth command as Lady and Mistresse, in such occasions as shall be to your liking, and for the contentment of us all; With which words he set him downe. And MadameLaurettabeing now created Queene, shee caused the Master of the houshold to bee called, to whom she gave command, that the Tables should be prepared in the pleasant vally, but at a more convenient houre, then formerly had beene, because they might (with better ease) returne backe to the Pallace. Then shee tooke order likewise, for all such other necessary matters, as should bee required in the time of her Regiment: and then turning her selfe to the whole Company, she began in this manner.
It was the Will ofDioneusyesternight, that our discourses for this day, should concerne the deceits of wives to their Husbands. And were it not to avoyde taxation, of a spleenitive desire to be revenged, like the dog being bitten, biteth againe: I could command our to morrows conference, to touch mens treacheries towards their wives. But because I am free from any such fiery humor, let it be your generall consideration, to speake of such queint beguylings, as have heretofore past, either of the woman to the man, the man to the woman, or of one man to another: and I am of opinion, that they will yeeld us no lesse delight, then those related (this day) have done. When she had thus spoken, she rose; granting them all liberty, to goe recreate themselves untill Supper time.
The Ladies being thus at their owne disposing, some of them bared their legges and feete, to wash them in the coole current. Others, not so minded, walked on the greene grasse, and under the goodly spreading trees.Dioneusand MadameFiammetta, they sate singing together, the love-warre betweeneArcitandPalemon. And thus with diversity of disports, in choice delight and much contentment, all were imployed, till Supper drew neere. When the houre was come, and the Tables covered by the Ponds side: we need not question their dyet and dainties, infinite Birds sweetly singing about them, as no musicke in the world could be more pleasing; beside calme windes, fanning their faces from the neighbouring hilles (free from flyes, or the least annoyance) made a delicate addition to their pleasure.
No sooner were the Tables withdrawne, and all risen: but they fetcht a few turnings about the vally, because the Sunne was not (as yet) quite set. Then in the coole evening, according to the Queenes appointment: in a soft and gentle pace, they walked homeward: devising on a thousand occasions, as well those which the dayes discourses had yeelded, as others of their owne inventing beside. It was almost darke night, before they arrived at the Pallace; where, with variety of choice Wines, and abounding plenty of rare Banquetting, they out-wore the little toile and wearinesse, which the long walke had charged them withall. Afterward, according to their wonted order, the Instruments being brought and played on, they fell to dancing about the faire Fountaine;Tindarointruding (now and then) the sound of his Bagpipe, to make the musicke seeme more melodious. But in the end, the Queene commanded MadamePhilomenato sing; whereupon the Instruments being tuned fit for the purpose, thus she began.
The Song.The Chorus Sung by the whole Company.Wearisome is my life to me,Because I cannot once againe returne;Unto the place which made me first to mourne.Nothing I know, yet feele a powerfull fire,Burning within my brest,Through deepe desire;To be once more where first I felt unrest,Which cannot be exprest.O my sole good! O my best happinesse!Why am I thus restrainde?Is there no comfort in this wretchednesse?Then let me live content, to be thus painde.Wearisome is my life to me, &c.I cannot tell what was that rare delight,Which first enflamde my soule,And gave command in spight,That I should find no ease by day or night,But still live in controule.I see, I heare, and feele a kinde of blisse,Yet find no forme at all:Other in their desire, finde blessednesse,But I have none, nor thinke I ever shall.Wearisome is my life to me, &c.Tell me if I may hope in following dayes,To have but one poore sight,Of those bright Sunny rayes,Dazeling my sence, did o'recome me quite,Bequeath'd to wandring wayes.If I be posted off and may not prove.To have the smallest grace:Or but to know, that this proceeds from love,Why should I live despisde in every place?Wearisome is my life to me, &c.Me thinkes milde favour whispers in mine eare,And bids me not despaire;There will a time appeareTo quell and quite confound consuming care,And joy surmount proud feare.In hope that gracious time will come at length,To cheare my long dismay:My spirits reassume your former strength,And never dread to see that joyfull day.Wearisome is my life to me,Because I cannot once againe returne;Unto the place which made me first to mourne.
The Song.
The Chorus Sung by the whole Company.
Wearisome is my life to me,Because I cannot once againe returne;Unto the place which made me first to mourne.
Nothing I know, yet feele a powerfull fire,Burning within my brest,Through deepe desire;To be once more where first I felt unrest,Which cannot be exprest.O my sole good! O my best happinesse!Why am I thus restrainde?Is there no comfort in this wretchednesse?Then let me live content, to be thus painde.Wearisome is my life to me, &c.
I cannot tell what was that rare delight,Which first enflamde my soule,And gave command in spight,That I should find no ease by day or night,But still live in controule.I see, I heare, and feele a kinde of blisse,Yet find no forme at all:Other in their desire, finde blessednesse,But I have none, nor thinke I ever shall.Wearisome is my life to me, &c.
Tell me if I may hope in following dayes,To have but one poore sight,Of those bright Sunny rayes,Dazeling my sence, did o'recome me quite,Bequeath'd to wandring wayes.If I be posted off and may not prove.To have the smallest grace:Or but to know, that this proceeds from love,Why should I live despisde in every place?Wearisome is my life to me, &c.
Me thinkes milde favour whispers in mine eare,And bids me not despaire;There will a time appeareTo quell and quite confound consuming care,And joy surmount proud feare.In hope that gracious time will come at length,To cheare my long dismay:My spirits reassume your former strength,And never dread to see that joyfull day.Wearisome is my life to me,Because I cannot once againe returne;Unto the place which made me first to mourne.
This Song gave occasion to the whole Company, to imagine, that some new and pleasing apprehension of Love, constrained MadamePhilomenato sing in this manner. And because (by the discourse thereof) it plainely appeared, that shee had felt more then shee saw, shee was so much the more happy, and the like was wished by all the rest. Wherefore, after the Song was ended; the Queene remembring, that the next day following was Friday, turning her selfe graciously to them all, thus she spake.
You know noble Ladies, and you likewise most noble Gentlemen, that to morrow is the day consecrated to the Passion of our blessed Lord and Saviour, which (if you have not forgotten it, as easily you cannot) we devoutly celebrated, MadameNeiphilabeing then Queene, ceasing from all our pleasant discoursing, as we did the like on the Saturday following, sanctifying the sacred Sabboth, in due regard of it selfe. Wherefore, being desirous to imitate precedent good example, which in worthy manner shee began to us all: I hold it very decent and necessary, that we should asttaine to morrow, and the day ensuing, from recounting any of our pleasant Novels, reducing to our memories, what was done (as on those dayes) for the salvation of our soules. This holy and Religious motion made by the Queene, was commendably allowed by all the assembly, and therefore, humbly taking their leave of her, and an indifferent part of the night being already spent; severally they betooke themselves to their Chambers.
Earely on the Sonday Morning,Aurorashewing her selfe bright and lovely; the Sunnes Golden beames beganne to appeare, on the toppes of the neere adjoyning Mountaines; so, that Hearbes, Plants, Trees, and all things else, were verie evidently to be discerned. The Queene and her Companie, being all come foorth of their Chambers, and having walked a while abroad, in the goodly greene Meadowes, to taste the sweetnesse of the fresh and wholesome ayre, they returned backe againe into the Palace, because it was their dutie so to do.
Afterward, betweene the houres of seaven and eight, they went to heare Masse, in a faire Chappell neere at hand, and thence returned to their Lodgings. When they had dined merrily together, they fell to their wonted singing and dauncing: Which beeing done, such as were so pleased (by License of the Queene first obtained) went either to their rest, or such exercises as they tooke most delight in. When midday, and the heate thereof was well over-past, so that the aire seemed mild and temperate: according as the Queene had commanded; they were all seated againe about the Fountaine, with intent to prosecute their former pastime. And then MadameNeiphila, by the charge imposed on her, as first speaker for this day, beganne as followeth.
Seeing it is my fortune, Gracious Ladies, that I must give beginning to this dayes discoursing, by some such Novel which I thinke expedient; as duty bindeth me, I am therewith well contented. And because the deceits of Women to men, have beene at large and liberally related; I will tell you a subtile tricke of a man to a Woman. Not that I blame him for the deede, or thinke the deceyte not well fitted to the woman: but I speake it in a contrarie nature, as commending the man, and condemning the woman very justly, as also to shew, how men can as well beguile those crafty companions, which least beleeve any such cunning in them, as they that stand most on their artificiall skill.
Howbeit, to speake more properly, the matter by me to be reported, deserveth not the reproachfull title of deceite, but rather of a recompence duly returned: because women ought to be chaste and honest, & to preserve their honour as their lives, without yeelding to the contamination thereof, for any occasion whatsoever. And yet (neverthelesse, in regard of our frailty) many times we proove not so constant as we should be: yet I am of opinion, that she which selleth her honestie for money, deserveth justly to be burned. Whereas on the contrary, she that falleth into the offence, onely through intire affection (the powerfull lawes of Love beeing above all resistance) in equity meriteth pardon, especially of a Judge not over-rigorous: as not long since wee heard fromPhilostratus, in revealing what hapned to MadamPhillippa de Prato, upon the dangerous Edict.
Understand then, my most worthy Auditors, that there lived sometime inMillaineanAlmaigneSoldiour, namedGulfardo, of commendable carriage in his person, and very faithfull to such as he served, a matter not common among theAlmaignes. And because he made just repayment, to every one which lent him monies; he grew to such especiall credit, and was so familiar with the very best Marchants; as (manie times) he could not be so ready to borrow, as they were willing alwaies to lend him. He thus continuing in the Cittie ofMillaine, fastened his affection on a verie beautifull Gentlewoman, named MistresseAmbrosia, Wife unto a rich Merchant, who was called SigniorGasparuolo Sagastraccio, who had good knowledge of him, and respectively used him. Loving this Gentlewoman with great discretion, without the least apprehension of her husband: he sent upon a day to entreate conference with her, for enjoying the fruition of her love, and she should find him ready to fulfill whatsoever she pleased to command him, as, at any time he would make good his promise.
The Gentlewoman, after divers of these private solicitings, resolutely answered, that she was as ready to fulfill the request ofGulfardo, provided, that two especiall considerations might ensue thereon. First, the faithfull concealing thereof from any person living. Next, because she knew him to be rich, and she had occasion to use two hundred Crowns, about businesse of important consequence: he should freely bestow so many on her, and (ever after) she was to be commanded by him.Gulfardoperceiving the covetousnesse of this woman, who (notwithstanding his doting affection) he thought to be intirely honest to her Husband: became so deepely offended at her vile answere, that his fervent love converted into as earnest loathing her; determining constantlie to deceive her, and to make her avaritious motion, the only means whereby to effect it.
He sent her word, that he was willing to performe her request, or any farre greater matter for her: in which respect, he onely desired for to know, when she would be pleased to have him come see her, and to receive the money of him? No creature hee acquainted with his setled purpose, but onely a deere friend and kinde companion, who alwayes used to keepe him company, in the neerest occasions that concerned him. The Gentlewoman, or rather most disloyall wife, uppon this answer sent her, was extraordinarily jocond and contented, returning him a secret Letter, wherein she signified: thatGasparuoloher husband, had important affaires which called him toGeneway: but he should understand of his departure, and then (with safety) he might come see her, as also his bringing of the Crownes.
In the meane while,Gulfardohaving determined what he would do, watched a convenient time, when he went untoGasparuolo, and sayde: Sir, I have some businesse of maine importance, and shall neede to use but two hundred Crownes onely: I desire you to lend me so many Crownes, upon such profite as you were wont to take of mee, at other times when I have made use of you, and I shall not faile you at my day.
Gasparuolowas well contented with the motion, and made no more adoe, but counted downe the Crownes: departing thence (within few dayes after) forGeneway, acording to his Wives former message; she givingGulfardoalso intelligence of his absence, that now (with safety) hee might come see her, and bring the two hundred Crownes with him.
Gulfardo, taking his friend in his company, went to visite MistresseAmbrosia, whom he found in expectation of his arrivall, and the first thing he did, he counted downe the two hundred Crownes; and delivering them to her in the presence of his friend, saide: MistresseAmbrosia, receive these two hundred Crownes, which I desire you to pay unto your Husband on my behalfe, when he is returned fromGeneway. Ambrosia, receyved the two hundred Crownes, not regarding whereforeGulfardoused these words: because shee verily beleeved, that hee spake in such manner, because his friend should take no notice, of his giving them to her, upon any covenant passed betweene them; whereuppon, she sayde. Sir, I will pay them to my Husband for you; and cause him to give you a sufficient discharge: but first I will count them over my selfe, to see whether the summe be just, or no. And having drawne them over upon the Table, the summe containing truly two hundred Crownes (wherewith she was most highly contented) she lockt them safe uppe in her Cuppe-boord, andGulfardoesFriend being gone (as formerly it was compacted betweene them) shee came to converse more familiarly with him, having provided a banquet for him. What passed between them afterward, both then, and oftentimes beside, before her Husbande returned home, is a matter out of my element, and rather requires my ignorance then knowledge.
WhenGasparuolowas come fromGeneway, Gulfardoobserving a convenient time, when he was sitting at the doore with his Wife; tooke his Friend with him, and comming toGasparuolo, said. Worthy Sir, the two hundred Crownes which you lent me, before your journey toGeneway, in regard they could not serve my turne, to compasse the businesse for which I borrowed them: within a day or two after, in the presence of this Gentleman my friend, I made repayment of them to your wife, and therefore I pray you crosse me out of your booke.
Gasparuoloturning to his Wife, demanded; Whether it was so, or no? She beholding the witnesse standing by, who was also present at her receyving them: durst not make deniall, but thus answered. Indeede Husband, I received two hundred Crownes of the Gentleman, and never remembred, to acquaint you therewith since your comming home: but hereafter I will be made no more your receiver, except I carried a quicker memory.
Then saideGasparuolo: SigniorGulfardo, I finde you alwaies a most honest Gentleman, and will be readie at any time, to doe you the like, or a farre greater kindnesse; depart at your pleasure, and feare not the crossing of my Booke. SoGulfardowent away merrily contented, andAmbrosiawas served as she justly merited; she paying the price of her owne leudnesse to her Husband, which she had a more covetous intent to keepe, questionlesse, not caring how many like lustfull matches shee coulde make, to be so liberally rewarded, if this had succeeded to her minde: whereas he shewed himselfe wise and discreete, in paying nothing for his pleasure, and requiting a covetous queane in her kinde.
Both the Gentlemen and Ladies gave equall commendations, ofGulfardoesqueint beguiling theMillaineGentlewomanAmbrosia, and wishing all other (of her minde) might alwaies be so served. Then the Queene, smiling onPamphilus, commaunded him to follow next: whereupon, thus he began.
I can tell you (faire Ladies) a short Novell, against such as are continually offensive to us, yet we being no way able to offend him; at least, in the same manner as they do injurie us. And for your better understanding what and who they be, they are our lusty Priests, who advance their Standard, and make their publike predications against our wives, winning such advantage over them, that they can pardon them both of the sinne and punishment, whensoever they are once subjected unto theyr perswasions, even as if they brought the Soldane bound and captived, fromAlexandriatoAvignon. Which imperious power, we (poore soules) cannot exercise on them, considering, we have neither heart nor courage, to do our devoire in just revenge on their Mothers, Sisters, Daughters, and Friends, with the like spirit as they rise in armes against our wives. And therefore, I meant to tell you a tale of a Country mans wife, more to make you laugh at the conclusion thereof; then for any singularity of words or matter: yet this benefite you may gaine thereby, of an apparant proofe that such Sinamon, amorous and perswading Priests, are not alwayes to be credited on their words or promises.
Let me then tell you, that atVarlungo, which you know to bee not farre distant hence, there dwelt an youthfull Priest, lustie, gallant, and proper of person (especially for Womens service) commonly called by the name of sweet SirSimon. Now, albeit he was a man of slender reading, yet notwithstanding, he had store of Latine sentences by heart; some true, but twice so many maimed and false, Saint-like shewes, holy speeches, and ghostly admonitions, which hee would preach under an Oake in the fields, when he had congregated his Parishioners together. When women lay in childe-bed, hee was their daily comfortable visitant, and would man them from their houses, when they had any occasion to walke abroad: carrying alwaies a bottle of holy water about him, wherewith he would sprinkle them by the way, peeces of hallowed Candles, and Chrisome Cakes, which pleased women extraordinarily, and all the Country affoorded not such another frolicke Priest, as this our nimble and active sweet SirSimon.
Among many other of his feminine Parishioners, all of them being hansome and comely Women: yet there was one more pleasing in his wanton eye, then any of the rest, namedMonna Belcolore, and wife to a plaine mecanicke man, calledBentivegna del Mazzo. And, to speake uprightly, few Countrey Villages yeelded a Woman, more fresh and lovely of complexion, although not admirable for beauty, yet sweete SirSimonthought her a Saint, and faine would be offering at her shrine. Divers pretty pleasing qualities she had, as sounding the Cymball, playing artificially on the Timbrill, and singing thereto as it had beene a Nightingale, dancing also so dexteriously, as happy was the man that could dance in her company. All which so enflamed sweet SirSimon, that he lost his wonted sprightly behaviour, walked sullen, sad and melancholly, as if he had melted all his mettall, because hee could hardly have a sight of her. But on the Sonday morning, when hee heard or knew that she was in the Church, hee would tickle it with aKyrieand aSanctus, even as if hee contended to shewe his singular skill in singing, when it had beene as good to heare an Asse bray. Whereas on the contrary, when she came not to Church, Masse, and all else were quicklie shaken uppe, as if his devotion waited onely on her presence. Yet he was so cunning in the carriage of his amorous businesse, both for her credite and his owne; asBentivegnaher husband could not perceive it, or any neighbour so much as suspect it.
But, to compasse more familiar acquaintance withBelcolore, hee sent her sundry gifts and presents, day by day, as sometime a bunch of dainty greene Garlicke, whereof he had plenty growing in his Garden, which he manured with his owne hands, and better then all the countrey yeelded; otherwhiles a small basket of Pease or Beanes, and Onyons or Scallions, as the season served. But when he could come in place where she was; then he darted amourous wincks and glances at her, with becks, nods, and blushes, Loves private Ambassadours, which shee (being but countrey-bred) seeming by outward appearance, not to see, retorted disdainefully, and forthwith would absent her selfe, so that sweet SirSimonlaboured still in vaine, and could not compasse what he coveted.
It came to passe within a while after, that on a time, (about high noone) SirSimonbeing walking abroad, chanced to meete withBentivegna, driving an Asse before him, laden with divers commodities, and demaunding of him, whither he went,Bentivegna, thus answered. In troth SirSimon, I am going to the City, about some especiall businesse of mine owne, and I carry these things to SigniorBonacorci da Cinestreto, because he should helpe me before the Judge, when I shall be called in question concerning my patrimony. SirSimonlooking merrily on him, said. Thou doest wellBentivegna, to make a friend sure before thou need him; goe, take my blessing with thee, and returne againe with good successe. But if thou meet withLaguccio, orNaldino, forget not to tell them, that they must bring me my shooe-tyes before Sunday.Bentivegnasaid, hee would discharge his errand, and so parted from him, driving his Asse on towardsFlorence.
Now began SirSimonto shrug, and scratch his head, thinking this to be a fit convenient time, for him to goe visiteBelcolore, and to make triall of his fortune: wherefore, setting aside all other businesse, he stayed no where till he came to the house, whereinto being entred, he saide: All happinesse be to them that dwell heere.Belcolorebeing then above in the Chamber, when she heard his tongue, replyed. Sweet SirSimon! you are heartely welcome, whether are you walking, if the question may bee demaunded? Beleeve me dainty Ducke, answered SirSimon, I am come to sit a while with thee, because I met thy Husband going to the Citie. By this time,Belcolorewas descended downe the stayres, and having once againe given welcome to SirSimon, she sate downe by him, cleansing of Colewort seeds from such other course chaffe, which her Husband had prepared before his departure.
SirSimonhugging her in his armes, and fetching a vehement sigh, said. MyBelcolore, how long shall I pine and languish for thy love? How now SirSimon? answered she, is this behaviour fitting for an holy man? Holy-menBelcolore, (quoth SirSimon) are made of the same matter as others be, they have the same affections, and therefore subject to their infirmities. Santa Maria, answeredBelcolore, Dare Priests doe such things as you talke of? YesBelcolore(quoth he) and much better then other men can, because they are made for the very best businesse, in which regard they are restrained from marriage. True (quothBelcolore) but much more from meddling with other mens wives. Touch not that TextBelcolore, replyed SirSimon, it is somewhat above your capacity: talke of that I come for, namely thy love, my Ducke, and my Dove. SirSimonis thine, I pray thee be mine.
Belcoloreobserving his smirking behaviour, his proper person, pretty talke, and queint insinuating; felt a motion to female frailty, which yet she would withstand so long as she could, and not be over-hasty in her yeelding. SirSimonpromiseth her a new paire of shoes, garters, ribbands, girdles, or what else she would request. SirSimon(quoth she) all these things which you talke of, are fit for women: but if your love to mee be such as you make choice of, fulfill what I will motion to you, and then (perhaps) I shall tell you more. SirSimonsheate made him hasty to promise whatsoever she would desire; whereupon, thus shee replyed. On Saturday, said she, I must goe toFlorence, to carry home such yarne as was sent me to spinne, and to amend my spinning wheele: if you will lend mee ten Florines, wherewith I know you are alwayes furnished, I shall redeeme from the Usurer my best peticote, and my wedding gowne (both well neere lost for lacke of repaiment) without which I cannot be seene at Church, or in any other good place else, and then afterward other matters may be accomplished.
Alas sweetBelcoloreanswered SirSimon, I never beare any such sum about me, for men of our profession, doe seldome carry any money at all: but beleeve me on my word, before Saturday come, I will not faile to bring them hither. Oh Sir (quothBelcolore) you men are quicke promisers, but slow performers. Doe you thinke to use me, as pooreBillezzawas, who trusted to as faire words, and found her selfe deceived? Now SirSimon, her example in being made scandall to the world, is a sufficient warning for me: if you be not so provided, goe and make use of your friend, for I am not otherwise to be moved. NayBelcolore(quoth he) I hope you will not serve me so, but my word shall be of better worth with you. Consider the conveniency of time, wee being so privately here alone: whereas at my returning hither againe, some hinderance may thwart me, and the like opportunity be never obtained. Sir, Sir, (said she) you have heard my resolution; if you will fetche the Florines, doe; otherwise, walke about your businesse, for I am a woman of my word.
SirSimonperceiving, that she would not trust him upon bare words, nor any thing was to be done, withoutSalvum me fac, whereas his meaning wasSine custodia; thus answered. WellBelcolore, seeing you dare not credit my bringing the tenne Florines, according to my promised day: I will leave you a good pawne, my very best cloake, lyned quite thorough with rich Silke, and made up in the choysest manner.
Belcolorelooking on the Cloake, said. How much may this Cloake bee worth? How much? quoth SirSimon, upon my wordBelcolore, it is of a right fine Flanders Serdge, and not above eight dayes since, I bought it thus (ready made) ofLottothe Fripperer, and payed for it sixe and twenty Florines, a pledge then sufficient for your ten. Is it possible, said shee, that it should cost so much? Well, SirSimon, deliver it me first, I will lay it up safe for you against Saturday, when if you fetch it not; I will redeeme mine owne things with it, and leave you to release it your selfe.
The Cloake is laid up byBelcolore, and SirSimonso forward in his affection; that (in briefe) he enjoyed what hee came for; and departed afterward in his light tripping Cassocke, but yet thorow by-Lanes, and no much frequented places, smelling on a Nosegay, as if hee had beene at some wedding in the Countrey, and went thus lightly without his Cloake, for his better ease. As commonly after actions of evill, Repentance knocketh at the doore of Conscience, and urgeth a guilty remembrance, with some sence of sorrow: so was it now with sweet SirSimon, who survaying over all his Vailes of offering Candles, the validity of his yearely benefits, and all comming nothing neere the summe of (scarce halfe) sixe and twenty Florines; he began to repent his deed of darkenesse, although it was acted in the day-time, and considered with himselfe, by what honest (yet unsuspected meanes) hee might recover his Cloake againe, before it went to the Broaker, in redemption ofBelcolorespawned apparrell, and yet to send her no Florines neither.
Having a cunning reaching wit, especially in matters for his owne advantage, and pretending to have a dinner at his lodging, for a few of some invited friends: he made use of a neighbours Boy, sending him to the house ofBelcolore, with request of lending him her Stone Morter, to make Greene-sawce in for his guests, because hee had meate required such sawce.Belcoloresuspecting no treachery, sent him the Stone Morter with the Pestell, and about dinner time, when he knewBentivegnato bee at home with his wife, by a spye which was set for the purpose; hee called the Clearke (usually attending on him) and said. Take this Morter and Pestell, beare them home toBelcolore, and tell her: SirSimonsends them home with thankes, they having sufficiently served his turne, and desire her likewise, to send me my Cloake, which the Boy left as a pledge for better remembrance, and because she would not lend it without a pawne.
The Clearke comming to the house ofBelcolore, found her sitting at dinner with her Husband, and delivering her the Pestell and Morter, performed the rest of SirSimonsmessage.Belcolorehearing the Cloake demaunded, stept up to make answere: ButBentivegna, seeming (by his lookes) to be much offended, roughly replyed. Why how now wife? Is not SirSimonour especiall friend, and cannot be be pleasured without a pawne? I protest upon my word, I could find in my heart to smite thee for it. Rise quickely thou wert best, and send him backe his Cloake; with this warning hereafter, that whatsoever he will have, be it your poore Asse, or any thing else being ours, let him have it: and tell him (Master Clearke) he may command it.Belcolorerose grumbling from the Table, and fetching the Cloake forth of the Chest, which stood neere at hand in the same roome; shee delivered it to the Clearke, saying. Tell SirSimonfrom me, and boldly say you heard me speake it: that I made a vow to my selfe, he shall never make use of my Morter hereafter, to beat any more of his sawcinesse in, let my Husband say whatsoever he will, I speake the word, and will performe it.
Away went the Clearke home with the Cloake, and told SirSimonwhat she had said, whereto he replyed. If I must make use of her Morter no more; I will not trust her with the keeping of my Cloake, for feare it goe to gage indeed.
Bentivegnawas a little displeased at his wives words, because hee thought she spake but in jest; albeitBelcolorewas so angry with SirSimon, that she would not speake to him till vintage time following. But then SirSimon, what by sharpe threatenings of her soule to be in danger of hell fire, continuing so long in hatred of a holy Priest, which words did not a little terrifie her; besides daily presents to her, of sweet new Wines, roasted Chesse-nuts, Figges and Almonds: all unkindnesse became converted to former familiarity; the garments were redeemed; he gave her Sonnets which she would sweetly sing to her Cimbale, and further friendship increased betweene her and sweet SirSimon.
Pamphilushaving ended his Novell, whereat the Ladies laughed exceedingly, so that very hardly they could give over: The Queene gave charge to MadameEliza, that shee should next succeed in order; when, being scarcely able to refraine from smyling, thus she began.
I know not (Gracious Ladies) whether I can move you to as hearty laughter, with a briefe Novell of mine owne, asPamphiluslately did with his: yet I dare assure you, that it is both true and pleasant, and I will relate it in the best manner I can.
In our owne Citie, which evermore hath contained all sorts of people, not long since there dwelt, a Painter, namedCalandrino, a simple man; yet as much addicted to matters of novelty, as any man whatsoever could be. The most part of his time, he spent in the company of two other Painters, the one calledBruno, and the otherBuffalmaco, men of very recreative spirits, and of indifferent good capacity; often resorting to the saidCalandrino, because they tooke delight in his honest simplicity, and pleasant order of behaviour. At the same time likewise, there dwelt inFlorence, a young Gentleman of singular disposition, to every generous and witty conceite, as the world did not yeeld a more pleasant companion, he being namedMaso del Saggio, who having heard somwhat ofCalandrinossillinesse: determined to jest with him in merry manner, and to suggest his longing humors after Novelties, with some conceit of extraordinary nature.
He happening (on a day) to meete him in the Church of SaintJohn, and seeing him seriously busied, in beholding the rare pictures, and the curious carved Tabernacle, which (not long before) was placed on the high Altar in the said Church: considered with himselfe, that he had now fit place and opportunity, to effect what hee had long time desired. And having imparted his minde to a very intimate friend, how he intended to deale with simpleCalandrino: they went both very neere him, where he sate all alone, and making shew as if they saw him not; began to consult between themselves, concerning the rare properties of precious stones; whereofMasodiscoursed as exactly, as he had beene a most skilfull Lapidarie; to which conference of theirs,Calandrinolent an attentive eare, in regard it was matter of singular rarity.
Soone after,Calandrinostarted up, and perceiving by their loude speaking, that they talked of nothing which required secret Counsell: he went into their company (the onely thing whichMasodesired) and holding on still the former Argument;Calandrinowould needs request to know, in what place these precious stones were to be found, which had such excellent vertues in them?Masomade answere, that the most of them were to be had inBerlinzona, neere to the City ofBascha, which was in the Territory of a Countrey, calledBengodi, where the Vines were bound about with Sawcidges, a Goose was sold for a penny, and the Goslings freely given in to boote. There was also an high mountaine, wholly made ofParmezane, grated Cheese, whereon dwelt people, who did nothing else but makeMocharonesandRaviuolies, boiling them with broth of Capons, and afterward hurled them all about, to whosoever can or will catch them. Neere to this mountaine runneth a faire River, the whole streame being pure white Bastard, none such was ever sold for any money, and without one drop of water in it.
Now trust me Sir, (saidCalandrino) that is an excellent Countrey to dwell in: but I pray you tell me Sir, what doe they with the Capons after they have boyld them? TheBaschanes(quothMaso) eate them all. Have you Sir, saidCalandrino, at any time beene in that Countrey? How? answeredMaso, doe you demaund if I have beene there? Yes man, above a thousand times, at the least. How farre Sir, I pray you (quothCalandrino) is that worthy Countrey, from this our City? In troth replyedMaso, the miles are hardly to be numbred, for the most part of them we travell when we are nightly in our beddes, and if a man dreame right; he may be there upon a sudden.
Surely Sir, saidCalandrino, it is further hence, then toAbruzzi? Yes questionlesse, replyedMaso; but, to a willing minde, no travell seemeth tedious.
Calandrinowell noting, thatMasodelivered all these speeches, with a stedfast countenance, no signe of smyling, or any gesture to urge the least mislike: he gave such credit to them, as to any matter of apparent and manifest truth, and upon this assured confidence, he said.
Beleeve me Sir, the journey is over-farre for mee to undertake, but if it were neerer; I could affoord to goe in your Company; onely to see how they make theseMacherones, and to fill my belly with them.
But now wee are in talke Sir, I pray you pardon mee to aske, whether any such precious stones, as you spake off, are to be found in that Countrey, or no? Yes indeed, replyedMaso, there are two kinds of them to be found in those Territories, both being of very great vertue. One kind, are gritty stones, ofSettignano, and ofMontisca, by vertue of which places, when any Mill-stones or Grind-stones are to bee made, they knede the sand as they use to doe meale, and so make them of what bignesse they please. In which respect, they have have a common saying there: that Nature maketh common stones, butMontiscaMill-stones. Such plenty are there of these Mill-stones, so slenderly here esteemed among us, as Emeralds are with them, whereof they have whole mountaines, farre greater then ourMontemorello, which shine most gloriously at midnight. And how meanly soever we account of their Mill-stones; yet there they drill them, and enchase them in Rings, which afterward they send to the great Soldane, and have whatsoever they will demaund for them.
The other kinde is a most precious Stone indeede, which our best Lapidaries call theHelitropium, the vertue whereof is so admirable; as whosoever beareth it about him, so long as he keepeth it, it is impossible for any eye to discerne him, because he walketh meerely invisible. O Lord Sir (quothCalandrino) these stones are of rare vertue indeede: but where else may a man finde thatHelitropium? WheretoMasothus answered: That Countrey onely doth not containe theHelitropium; for they be many times found upon our plaine ofMugnone. Of what bignesse Sir (quothCalandrino) is the Stone, and what coulour? TheHelitropium, answeredMaso, is not alwayes of one quality, because some are bigge, and others lesse; but all are of one coulour, namely blacke.
Calandrinocommitting all these things to respective memory, and pretending to be called thence by some other especiall affaires; departed fromMaso, concluding resolvedly with himselfe, to finde this precious stone, if possibly hee could: yet intending to doe nothing, untill hee had acquaintedBrunoandBuffalmacotherewith, whom he loved dearly: he went in all hast to seeke them; because, (without any longer trifling the time) they three might bee the first men, that should find out this precious stone, spending almost the whole morning, before they were all three met together. For they were painting at the Monastery of the Sisters ofFaenza, where they had very serious imployment, and followed their businesse diligently: where having found them, and saluting them in such kinde manner, as continually he used to doe, thus he began.
Loving friends, if you were pleased to follow mine advise, wee three will quickely be the richest men inFlorence; because, by information from a Gentleman (well deserving to be credited) on the Plaine ofMugnone: there is a precious stone to be found, which whosoever carrieth it about him, walketh invisible, and is not to be seene by any one. Let us three be the first men to goe and finde it, before any other heare thereof, and goe about it, and assure our selves that we shall finde it, for I know it (by discription) so soone as I see it. And when wee have it, who can hinder us from bearing it about us. Then will we goe to the Tables of our Bankers, or money changers, which we see daily charged with plenty of gold and silver, where we may take so much as wee list, for they (nor any) are able to descrie us. So, (in short time) shall wee all be wealthy, never needing to drudge any more, or paint muddy walles, as hitherto we have done; and, as many of our poore profession are forced to doe.
BrunoandBuffalmacohearing this, began to smile, and looking merrily each on other, they seemed to wonder thereat, and greatly commended the counsell ofCalandrino. Buffalmacodemaunding how the stone was named. Now it fortuned, thatCalandrino(who had but a grosse and blockish memory) had quite forgot the name of the stone, and therefore said. What neede have wee of the name, when we know, and are assured of the stones vertue? Let us make no more adoe, but (setting aside all other businesse) goe seeke where it is to be found. Well my friend (answeredBruno) you say wee may find it, but how, and by what meanes?
There are two sorts of them (quothCalandrino) some bigge, others smaller, but all carry a blacke colour: therefore (in mine opinion) let us gather all such stones as are blacke, so shall we be sure to finde it among them, without any further losse of time.
BuffalmacoandBruno, liked and allowed the counsell ofCalandrino, which when they had (by severall commendations) given him assurance of,Brunosaide. I doe not thinke it a convenient time now, for us to go about so weighty a businesse: for the Sun is yet in the highest degree, and striketh such a heate on the plaine ofMugnone, as all the stones are extreamly dryed, and the very blackest will nowe seeme whitest. But in the morning, after the dew is falne, and before the Sunne shineth forth, every stone retaineth his true colour. Moreover, there be many Labourers now working on the plaine, about such businesse as they are severally assigned, who seeing us in so serious a serch: may imagine what we seeke for, & partake with us in the same inquisition, by which meanes they may chance to speed before us, and so wee may lose both our trot and amble. Wherefore, by my consent, if your opinion jumpe with mine, this is an enterprise onely to be perfourmed in an early morning, when the blacke stones are to be distinguisht from the white, and a Festivall day were the best of all other, for then there will be none to discover us.
Buffalmacoapplauded the advice ofBruno, andCalandrinodid no lesse, concluding all together; that Sunday morning (next ensuing) should be the time, and then they all three would go seeke the Stone. ButCalandrinowas verie earnest with them, that they shold not reveale it to any living body, because it was tolde him as an especiall secret: disclosing further to them, what hee had heard concerning the Countrey ofBengodi, maintaining (with solemn oaths and protestations) that every part thereof was true. Uppon this agreement, they parted fromCalandrino, who hardly enjoyed anie rest at all, either by night or day, so greedie he was to bee possessed of the stone. On the Sonday morning, hee called up his Companions before breake of day, and going forth at S.GallsPort, they stayed not, till they came to the plaine ofMugnone, where they searched all about to finde this strange stone.
Calandrinowent stealing before the other two, and verilie perswaded himselfe, that he was borne to finde theHelitropium, and looking on every side about him, hee rejected all other Stones but the blacke, whereof first he filled his bosome, and afterwards, both his Pockets. Then he tooke off his large painting Apron, which he fastened with his girdle in the manner of a sacke, and that he filled full of stones likewise. Yet not so satisfied, he spred abroad his Cloake, which being also full of stones, hee bound it up carefully, for feare of loosing the very least of them. All whichBuffalmacoandBrunowell observing (the day growing on, and hardly they could reach home by dinner time) according as merrily they had concluded, and pretending not to seeCalandrino, albeit he was not farre from them: What is become ofCalandrino? saideBuffalmaco. Brunogazing strangely every where about him, as if hee were desirous to finde him, replyed. I saw him not long since, for then he was hard by before us; questionlesse, he hath given us the slippe, is privilie gone home to dinner, and making starke fooles of us, hath lefte us to picke up blacke stones, upon the parching plaines ofMugnone. Well (quothBuffalmaco) this is but the tricke of an hollow-hearted friend, and not such as he protested himselfe to be, to us. Could any but wee have bin so sottish, to credit his frivolous perswasions, hoping to finde any stones of such vertue, and here on the fruitlesse plains ofMugnone? No, no, none but we would have beleeved him.
Calandrino(who was close by them) hearing these wordes, and seeing the whole manner of their wondering behaviour: became constantly perswaded, that hee had not onely founde the precious stone; but also had some store of them about him, by reason he was so neere to them, and yet they could not see him, therefore he walked before them. Now was his joy beyond all compasse of expression, and being exceedingly proud of so happy an adventure: did not meane to speake one word to them, but (heavily laden as hee was) to steale home faire and softly before them, which indeede he did, leaving them to follow after, if they would.Brunoperceiving his intent, said toBuffalmaco: What remaineth now for us to doe? Why should not we go home, as well as hee? And reason too, replyedBruno, It is in vaine to tarry any longer heere: but I solemnly protest,Calandrinoshall no more make an Asse of me: and were I now as neere him, as not long since I was, I would give him such a remembrance on the heele with this Flint stone, as should sticke by him this moneth, to teach him a lesson for abusing his friends.
Hee threw the stone, and hit him shrewdly on the heele therewith; but all was one toCalandrino, whatsoever they saide, or did, as thus they still followed after him. And although the blow of the stone was painfull to him; yet he mended his pace so wel as he was able, in regard of beeing over-loaden with stones, and gave them not one word all the way, because he tooke himselfe to bee invisible, and utterly unseene of them.Buffalmacotaking uppe another Flint-stone, which was indifferent heavie and sharp, said toBruno. Seest thou this Flint? Casting it from him, he smoteCalandrinojust in the backe therewith, saying. Oh thatCalandrinohad bin so neere, as I might have hit him on the backe with the stone. And thus all the way on the plaine ofMugnone, they did nothing else but pelt him with stones, even so farre as the Port of S.Gall, where they threwe downe what other stones they had gathered, meaning not to molest him any more, because they had done enough already.
There they stept before him unto the Port, and acquainted the Warders with the whole matter, who laughing heartily at the jest, the better to upholde it; would seeme not to seeCalandrinoin his passage by them, but suffered him to go on, sore wearied with his burthen, and sweating extreamly. Without resting himselfe in any place, he came home to his house, which was neere to the corner of the Milles, Fortune being so favourable to him in the course of this mockery, that as he passed along the Rivers side, and afterward through part of the City; he was neither met nor seen by any, in regard they were all in their houses at dinner.
Calandrino, every minute ready to sinke under his weightie burthen, entred into his owne house, where (by great ill luck) his wife, being a comely and very honest woman, and namedMonna Trista, was standing aloft on the stayres head. She being somewhat angry for his so long absence, and seeing him come in grunting and groaning, frowningly said. I thought that the divell would never let thee come home, all the whole Citie have dined, and yet wee must remaine without our dinner. WhenCalandrinoheard this, & perceived that he was not invisible to his Wife: full of rage and wroth, hee began to raile, saying. Ah thou wicked woman, where art thou? Thou hast utterly undone me: but (as I live) I will pay thee soundly for it. Up the staires he ascended into a small Parlour, where when he hadde spred all his burthen of stones on the floore: he ran to his wife, catching her by the haire of the head, and throwing her at his feete; giving her so many spurns and cruel blowes, as shee was not able to moove either armes or legges, notwithstanding all her teares, and humble submission.
NowBuffalmacoandBruno, after they had spent an indifferent while, with the Warders at the Port in laughter; in a faire & gentle pace, they followedCalandrinohome to his house, and being come to the doore, they heard the harsh bickering betweene him and his Wife, and seeming as if they were but newly arrived, they called out alowd to him.Calandrinobeing in a sweate, stamping and raving still at his Wife: looking forth of the window, entreated them to ascend up to him, which they did, counterfetting greevous displeasure against him. Being come into the roome, which they saw all covered over with stones, his Wife sitting in a corner, all the haire (well-neere) torne off her head, her face broken and bleeding, and all her body cruelly beaten; on the other side,Calandrinostanding unbraced and ungirded, strugling and wallowing, like a man quite out of breath: after a little pausing,Brunothus spake.
Why how nowCalandrino? What may the meaning of this matter be? What, art thou preparing for building, that thou hast provided such plenty of stones? How sitteth thy poore wife? How hast thou misused her? Are these the behaviours of a wise or honest man?Calandrino, utterly over-spent with travaile, and carrying such an huge burthen of stones, as also the toylesome beating of his Wife, (but much more impatient and offended, for that high good Fortune, which he imagined to have lost:) could not collect his spirits together, to answer them one ready word, wherefore hee sate fretting like a mad man. Whereupon,Buffalmacothus began to him.Calandrino, if thou be angry with any other, yet thou shouldest not have made such a mockery of us, as thou hast done: in leaving us (like a couple of coxcombes) to the plaine ofMugnone, whether thou leddest us with thee, to seeke a precious stone calledHelitropium. And couldst thou steale home, never bidding us so much as farewell? How can we but take it in very evill part, that thou shouldest so abuse two honest neighbours? Well, assure thy selfe, this is the last time that ever thou shalt serve us so.
Calandrino(by this time) being somewhat better come to himselfe, with an humble protestation of courtesie, returned them this answer. Alas my good friends, be not you offended, the case is farre otherwise then you immagine. Poore unfortunate man that I am, I found the rare precious stone that you speake of: and marke me well, if I do not tell you the truth of all. When you asked one another (the first time) what was become of me; I was hard by you: at the most, within the distance of two yards length; and perceiving that you saw mee not, (being still so neere, and alwaies before you:) I went on, smiling to my selfe, to heare you brabble and rage against me.
So, proceeding on in his discourse, he recounted every accident as it hapned, both what they had saide and did unto him, concerning the severall blowes, with the two Flint-stones, the one hurting him greevously in the heele, and the other paining him as extreamly in the backe, with their speeches used then, and his laughter, notwithstanding hee felt the harme of them both, yet beeing proud that he did so invisibly beguile them. Nay more (quoth he) I cannot forbeare to tell you, that when I passed thorow the Port, I saw you standing with the Warders; yet, by vertue of that excellent Stone, undiscovered of you all. Beside, going along the streets, I met many of my Gossips, friends, and familiar acquaintance, such as used daylie to converse with me, and drinking together in every Tavern: yet not one of them spake to me, neyther used any courtesie or salutation; which (indeede) I did the more freely forgive them, because they were not able to see me.
In the end of all, when I was come home into mine owne house, this divellish and accursed woman, being aloft uppon my stayres head, by much misfortune chanced to see me; in regard (as it is not unknowne to you) that women cause all things to lose their vertue. In which respect, I that could have stild my selfe the onely happy man inFlorence, am now made most miserable. And therefore did I justly beate her, so long as she was able to stand against mee, and I know no reason to the contrary, why I should not yet teare her in a thousand peeces: for I may well curse the day of our mariage, to hinder and bereave me of such an invisible blessednesse.
BuffalmacoandBrunohearing this, made shew of verie much mervailing thereat, and many times maintained whatCalandrinohad said; being well neere ready to burst with laughter; considering, how confidently he stood upon it, that he had found the wonderful stone, and lost it by his wives speaking onely to him. But when they saw him rise in fury once more, with intent to beat her againe: then they stept betweene them; affirming, That the woman had no way offended in this case, but rather he himself: who knowing that women cause all things to lose their vertue, had not therefore expresly commanded her, not to be seene in his presence all that day, untill he had made full proofe of the stones vertue. And questionles, the consideration of a matter so available and important, was quite taken from him, because such an especiall happinesse, should not belong to him only; but (in part) to his friends, whom he had acquainted therewith, drew them to the plaine with him in companie, where they tooke as much paines in serch of the stone, as possibly he did, or could; and yet (dishonestly) he would deceive them, and beare it away covetously, for his owne private benefit.
After many other, as wise and wholesome perswasions, which he constantly credited, because they spake them, they reconciled him to his wife, and she to him: but not without some difficulty in him; who falling into wonderfull greefe and melancholy, for losse of such an admirable precious stone, was in danger to have dyed, within lesse then a month after.