"You haven't bound them?" said the woman who opened the door to the Captain.
"Meaning us, my joy?" said Buttons, in Italian. "Not just yet, I believe, and not for some time. But how do you all do?"
The woman stared hard at Buttons, and then at the Captain. There were eight or ten women here. It was a large hall, the roof still entire, but with the plaster all gone. A bright fire burned at one end. Torches burned around. On a stool near the fire was a familiar form--a portly, well-fed form--with a merry face--a twinkle in his eye--a pipe in his mouth--calmly smoking--apparently quite at home though his feet were tied--in short, Mr. Figgs.
"Figgs, my boy!"
One universal shout and the Club surrounded their companion. In an instant Buttons cut his bonds.
"Bless you--bless you, my children!" cried Figgs. "But how the (Principal of Evil) did you get here? These are brigands. I've just been calculating how heavy a bill I would have to foot."
The brigands saw the release of Figgs, and stood looking gloomily at the singular prisoners, not quite knowing whether they were prisoners or not, not knowing what to do. Each member of the Club took the most comfortable seat he could find near the fire, and began talking vehemently. Suddenly Buttons jumped up.
"A thousand pardons--I really forgot that there were ladies present. Will you not sit here and give us the honor of your company?"
He made a profound bow and looked at several of them. They looked puzzled, then pleased; then they all began to titter.
"Signor makes himself very much at home," said one, at length.
"And where could there be a pleasanter place? This old hall, this jolly old fire, and this delightful company!"
Another bow. The Captain looked very sullen still. He was evidently in deep perplexity.
"Come, cheer up there!" said Buttons. "We won't do you any harm; we won't even complain to the authorities that we found our friend here. Cheer up! Have you any thing to eat, most noble Captain?"
The Captain turned away.
Meanwhile Figgs had told the story of his capture. After resting for a while on the slope he prepared to descend, but seeing sand further away he went over toward it and descended there. Finding it very dangerous or difficult to go down straight he made the descent obliquely, so that when he reached the foot of the cone he was far away from the point at which he had started to make the ascent. Arriving there, he sat down to rest after his exertions. Some men came toward him, but he did not think much about it. Suddenly, before he knew what was up, he found himself a prisoner. He had a weary march, and was just getting comfortable as they came in.
Mr Figgs.
[Illustration: Mr Figgs.]
As they sat round the fire they found it very comfortable. Like many evenings in Italy, it was damp and quite chilly. They laughed and talked, and appeared to be any thing but captives in a robber's hold. The Captain had been out for some time, and at length returned. He was now very cheerful. He came laughingly up to the fire.
"Well, Signori Americani, what do you think of your accommodation?"
"Delightful! Charming!" cried Buttons and Dick.
"If the ladies would only deign to smile on us--"
"Aha! You are a great man for the ladies," said the Captain.
"Who is not?" said Buttons, sententiously.
After a few pleasant words the Captain left again.
"He has some scheme in his villainous head," said Buttons.
"To drug us," said the Doctor.
"To send for others," said Dick.
"To wait till we sleep, and then fall on us," said Mr. Figgs.
"Well, gentlemen," said the Senator, drawing himself up, "we're more than a match for them. Why, what are these brigands? Is there a man of them who isn't a poor, miserable, cowardly cuss? Not one. If we are captured by such as these we deserve to be captives all our lives."
The Ladies.
[Illustration: The Ladies.]
"If we don't get off soon we'll have a good round sum to pay," said Mr. Figgs.
"And that I object to," said Buttons; "for I promised my Governor solemnly that I wouldn't spend more than a certain sum in Europe, and I won't."
"For my part," said the Doctor, "I can't afford it."
"And I would rather use the amount which they would ask in some other way," said Dick.
"That's it, boys! You're plucky. Go in! We'll fix their flints. The American eagle is soaring, gentlemen--let him ascend to the zenith. Go it! But mind now--don't be too hasty. Let's wait for a time to see further developments."
"Richard, my boy, will you occupy the time by singing a hymn?" continued the Senator. "I see a guitar there."
Dick quietly got up, took the guitar, and, tuning it, began to sing. The brigands were still in a state of wonder. The women looked shy. Most of the spectators, however, were grinning at the eccentric Americans. Dick played and sang a great quantity of songs, all of a comic character.
The Italians were fond of music, of course. Dick had a good voice. Most of his songs had choruses, and the whole Club joined in. The Italians admired most the nigger songs. "Oh, Susannah!" was greeted with great applause. So was "Doo-dah;" and the Italians themselves joined energetically in the chorus. But the song that they loved best was "Ole Virginny Shore." This they called for over and over, and as they had quick ears they readily caught the tune; so that, finally, when Dick, at their earnest request, sang it for the seventh time, they whistled the air all through, and joined in with a thundering chorus. The Captain came in at the midst of it, and listened with great delight. After Dick had laid down his instrument he approached the Americans.
"Well, ole hoss," said the Senator, "won't you take an arm-chair?"
"What is it?" said the Captain to Buttons.
"He wants to know if your Excellency will honor him by sitting near him."
The Captain's eye sparkled. Evidently it met his wishes. The Americans saw his delight.
"I should feel honored by sitting beside the illustrious stranger," said he. "It was what I came to ask. And will you allow the rest of these noble gentlemen to sit here and participate in your amusement?"
"The very thing," said Buttons, "which we have been trying to get them to do, but they won't. Now we are as anxious as ever, but still more anxious for the ladies."
"Oh, the ladies!" said the Captain; "they are timid."
Saying this he made a gesture, and five of his men came up. The whole six then sat with the five Americans. The Senator insisted that the Captain should sit by his side. Yet it was singular. Each one of the men still kept his gun. No notice was taken of this, however. The policy of the Americans was to go in for utter jollity. They sat thus:
The Captain.
The Senator.
Bandit Number 1.
Mr. Figgs.
Bandit Number 2.
The Doctor.
Bandit Number 3.
Dick.
Bandit Number 4.
Buttons.
Bandit Number 5.
Five members of the Club. Six bandits. In addition to these, four others stood armed at the door. The women were at a distance.
But the sequel must be left to another chapter.
CHAPTER XIV
.
MAGNIFICENT ATTITUDE OF THE SENATOR; BRILLIANCY OF BUTTONS; AND PLUCK OF THE OTHER MEMBERS OF THE CLUB: BY ALL OF WHICH THE GREATEST EFFECTS ARE PRODUCED.
"Boys," said the Senator, assuming a gay tone, "it's evident these rascals have planned this arrangement to attack us; but I've got a plan by which we can turn the tables. Now laugh, all of you." A roar of laughter arose. "I'll tell it in a minute. Whenever I stop, you all laugh, so that they may not think that we are plotting." Another roar of laughter. "Buttons, talk Italian as hard as you can; pretend to translate what I am saying; make up something funny, so as to get them laughing; but take good care to listen to what I say."
"All right," said Buttons.
"Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!" said the others.
Now the Senator began to divulge his plan, and Buttons began to talk Italian, pretending to translate what the Senator said. To do this required much quickness, and a vivid imagination, with a sense of the ridiculous, and many other qualities too numerous to mention. Fortunately Buttons had all these, or else the Club would not have acted precisely as it did act; and perhaps it might not have been able to move along in the capacity of a Club any longer, in which case it would, of course, have had no further adventures; and then this history would not have been written; and whether the world would have been better off or worse is more than I can say, I'm sure.
[What the Senator said.]
"Boys, look at these devils, one on each side of us. They have arranged some signal, and when it is given they will spring at us. Look sharp for your lives, and be ready to do what I say. Buttons, listen, and when you don't hear look at me, and I'll repeat it."
[_Club_.--"Ha! hal ha! ha! ha!"]
[What Buttons said he said.]
"He says, most noble Captain, and gentlemen, that he is desperately hungry; that he can't get what he wants to eat. He generally eats dried snakes, and the supply he brought from the Great American desert is exhausted; he wants more, and will have it."
[Sensation among bandits.]
[What the Senator said.]
"My idea is to turn the tables on these varmints. They put themselves in our power. What they have arranged for themselves will do for us just as well as if we planned it all. In fact, if we had tried we could not have adjusted the present company better."
[_Club_.--"Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!"]
[What Buttons said he said.]
"He says he wouldn't have come out here to-day, but had a little difficulty just before he joined our party. He was landing from the American ship of war, and on stepping on shore a man trod on his foot, whereupon he put him into the water, and held him there till he was drowned."
[Bandits looking more respectfully.]
[What the Senator said.]
"Listen now, Buttons. We will arrange a signal, and at a certain word we will fall on our neighbors and do with them as they propose doing with us. But first let us arrange carefully about the signal; for every thing depends on that."
[_Club_--"Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!"]
[What Buttons said he said.]
"It makes him feel amused, he says, when he thinks how odd that guide looked at him when he made him go down into the crater of Vesuvius; gave him five minutes to say his prayers, and then lifted him up in the air and pitched him down to the bottom. He thinks he is falling still."
[Bandits exchange glances.]
[What the Senator said.]
"First, we must keep up our uproar and merriment to as great an extent as we can, but not very long. Let it be wild, mad, boisterous, but short. It will distract these vagabonds, and throw them off their guard. The first thing on the programme, then, is merriment. Laugh as loud and long as you can."
[_Club_.--"Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!"]
[What Buttons said he said.]
"He doesn't know but what he'll have a little trouble about a priest he killed last night. He was in a church, and was walking about whistling, when a priest came up and ordered him out; whereupon he drew his revolver, and put all six of the bullets in the priest's head."
[Bandits cross themselves, and look serious.]
The Bandits Captured.
[Illustration: The Bandits Captured.]
[What the Senator said.]
"The next thing is, to have some singing. They seem to like our glorious national songs. Give them some of them. Let the first one be 'Old Virginny.'"
[_Club_.--"Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!"]
[What Buttons said he said.]
"He heard that the priest was not dead. As he always makes sure work, he intends to look in the morning, and if he's alive, he'll cut his throat, and make all his attendants dance to the tune of 'Old Virginny.'"
Buttons had to work on that word "Old Virginny," for the quick ears of the Italians had caught it. Bandits cross themselves again.
_Captain_.--"I don't believe a word of it. It's impossible."
Bandit No. 6.--"He looks like it, any way."
In fact, the Senator did look like it. His hair tinged to an unnatural hue by the sulphur of Vesuvius, his square, determined jaw, his heavy, overhanging brow, marked him as one who was capable of any desperate enterprise.
[What the Senator said.]
"Next and last, Dick, you are to sing 'Yankee Doodle.' You know the words about 'coming to town riding on a pony.' You know that verse ends with an Italian word. I am particular about this, for you might sing the wrong verse. Do you understand, all of you? If so, wink your eyes twice."
[The Club all winked twice. Then, as usual: "Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!"]
[What Buttons said he said.]
"He says there is no danger for him, however, for foreigners are in terror of the tune of 'Yankee Doodle.' If he were arrested by the Government, the American Admiral would at once send ashore a file of marines with an 'ultimatum,' a 'Columbiad,' a 'spanker boom,' a 'Webster's Unabridged,' and a 'brachycatalectic,' to demand his surrender at the cannon's mouth."
[Great sensation among the bandits at the formidable arms of American marines.]
[What the Senator said.]
"Look at me. There are six. I will take two; each of you take one--the man on your right, remember. As Dick, in singing, comes to that word, each of you go at your man. Buttons, you hear, of course."
[_Club_.--"Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!"]
[What Buttons said he said.]
"They think in town that he is the Devil, because he has killed seven men in duels since he came, and has never been wounded. People don't know the great American invention, worn next the skin, which makes the body impervious to bullets."
[_Captain_, sneering.--"I don't believe it."
Bandit No. 3.--"I don't know. They invented the revolver. If only I had one."]
[What the Senator said.]
"Boys, arrange to your minds what to do. Grab the gun, and put your man down backward. I'm almost ashamed of the game, it's so easy. Look at these boobies by me. They are like children. No muscle. The fellows at the end won't dare to shoot for fear of wounding their own man."
[_Club_.--"Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!"]
[What Buttons said he said.]
"He's made up his mind to go and take part in the war in Lombardy. He will raise a band of Americans, all clothed in the great shot-proof shirt, and armed with revolvers like ours, that shoot twelve times, and have bullets like bomb-shells, that burst inside of a man and blow him to pieces."
_Captain_, coldly,--"That crow didn't blow up."
_Buttons_.--"Oh yes it did. It was dark, and you didn't notice. Go get it to-morrow, examine it, and you will find traces of the exploded shell."
_Bandit No. 4_.--"Santa Maria! What lies this giant tells his friends! and they all laugh. They don't believe him."
_Bandit No. 3_. "Well, that revolver is enough for me; and they all have them."
The above conversation was all carried on very rapidly, and did not take up much time.
At once the Club proceeded to carry out the Senator's plan. First they talked nonsense, and roared and laughed, and perfected their plan, and thus passed about ten minutes. Then Buttons asked the Italians if they wished more music.
"Answer, gallant Captain of these Kings of the Road. Will you hear our foreign songs?"
"Most gladly," said the gallant Captain. "There will yet be time before we get our supper."
A sinister gleam in his eye as he said this about the supper did not escape the notice of Buttons. Thereupon he handed the guitar to Dick, and the latter began to sing once more the strains of "Ole Virginny." The Italians showed the same delight, and joined in a roaring chorus. Even the men by the door stood yelling or whistling as Dick sang.
Lastly, Dick struck up the final song. The hour had come!
"Yankee Doodle came to town
To buy himself a pony,
Stuck a feather in his hat
And called it--_Maccaroni_!"
As the song began each man had quietly braced himself for one grand effort. At the sound of the last word the effect was tremendous.
The Senator threw his mighty arms round the Captain and the other bandit. They were both small men, as indeed Italians are generally, and beside his colossal frame they were like boys to a grown man. He held them as if a vice, and grasping their hands, twisted them back till their guns fell from their grasp. As he hurled the affrighted ruffians to the floor, the guns crashed on the stone pavement, one of them exploding in its fall. He then by sheer strength jerked the Captain over on his face, and threw the other man on him face downward. This done he sat on them, and turned to see what the others were doing.
Buttons had darted at No. 5 who was on his right, seized his gun and thrown him backward. He was holding him down now while the fellow was roaring for help.
Dick had done about the same thing, but had not yet obtained possession of the gun. He was holding the Doctor's pistol to the bandit's head, and telling him in choice Italian to drop his gun, or he would send him out of the world with twelve bullets.
The Doctor was all right. He was calmly seated on Bandit No. 3, with one hand holding the bandit's gun pointed toward the door, and the other grasping the ruffian's throat in a death like clutch. The man's face was black, and he did not move.
Mr. Figgs had not been so successful. Being fat, he had not been quick enough. He was holding the bandit's gun, and aiming blows at his face.
"Doctor," said the Senator, "your man's all right. Give it to Figgs's man."