Lazaroni And Macaroni.
[Illustration: Lazaroni And Macaroni.]
Dick could not eat, but the more philosophical Buttons made an extremely hearty meal, and pronounced the macaroni delicious.
On landing in a city which swarmed with beggars the first thought of our tourists was, How the mischief do they all live? There are sixty thousand lazaroni in this gay city. The average amount of clothing to each man is about one-third of a pair of trowsers and a woolen cap. But after spending a day or two the question changed its form, and became, How the mischief can they all help living? Food may be picked up in the streets. Handfuls of oranges and other fruits sell for next to nothing; strings of figs cost about a cent.
The consequence is that these sixty thousand people, fellow-creatures of ours, who are known as the lazaroni of Naples, whom we half pity and altogether despise, and look upon as lowest members of the Caucasian race, are not altogether very miserable. On the contrary, taken as a whole, they form the oiliest, fattest, drollest, noisiest, sleekest, dirtiest, ignorantest, prejudicedest, narrow-mindedest, shirtlessest, clotheslessest, idlest, carelessest, jolliest, absurdest, rascaliest--but still, all that, perhaps--taken all in all--the happiest community on the face of the earth.
Yankee Doodle.
[Illustration: Yankee Doodle.]
CHAPTER VII
.
DOLORES.--AN ITALIAN MAID LEARNS ENGLISH.--A ROMANTIC ADVENTURE.--A MASQUERADE, AND WHAT BEFELL THE SENATOR.--A CHARMING DOMINO.--A MOONLIGHT WALK, AND AN ASTOUNDING DISCOVERY.
The lodgings of Buttons and Dick were in a remarkably central part of Naples. The landlord was a true Neapolitan; a handsome, gay, witty, noisy, lively, rascally, covetous, ungrateful, deceitful, cunning, good-hearted old scoundrel, who took advantage of his guests in a thousand ways, and never spoke to them without trying to humbug them. He was the father of a pretty daughter who had all her parent's nature somewhat toned down, and expanded in a feminine mould.
Buttons had a chivalrous soul, and so had Dick; the vivacity of this very friendly young lady was like an oasis in the wilderness of travel. In the evening they loved to sit in the sunshine of her smile. She was singularly unconventional, this landlord's daughter, and made many informal calls on her two lodgers in their apartment.
An innocent, sprightly little maid--name Dolores--age seventeen-- complexion olive--hair jet black--eyes like stars, large, luminous, and at the same time twinkling--was anxious to learn English, especially to sing English songs; and so used to bring her guitar and sing for the Americans. Would they teach her their national song? "Oh yes happy beyond expression to do so."
The result, after ten lessons, was something like this:
"Anty Dooda tumma towna
By his sef a po-ne
Stacca fadda inna sat
Kalla Maccaroni."
She used to sing this in the most charming manner, especially the last word in the last line. Not the least charm in her manner was her evident conviction that she had mastered the English language.
"Was it not an astonishing thing for so young a Signorina to know English?"
"Oh, it was indeed!" said Buttons, who knew Italian very well, and had the lion's share of the conversation always.
"And they said her accent was fine?"
"Oh, most beautiful!"
"Bellissima! Bellissima!" repeated little Dolores, and she would laugh until her eyes overflowed with delighted vanity.
"Could any Signorina Americana learn Italian in so short a time?"
"No, not one. They had not the spirit. They could never equal her most beautiful accent."
"Ah! you say all the time that my accent is most beautiful."
One day she picked up a likeness of a young lady which was lying on the table.
"Who is this?" she asked, abruptly, of Buttons.
"A Signorina."
"Oh yes! I know; but is she a relative?"
"No."
"Are you married?"
"No."
"Is this your affianced?"
"Yes."
"Ah, how strange! What will you bet?--a soldier or an advocate?"
"Neither. I will be a priest."
"A priest! Signor, what is it that you tell me? How can this be your affianced lady?"
"Oh! in our country the priests all marry, and live in beautiful little cottages, with a garden in front."
This Dolores treated with the most contemptuous incredulity. Who ever heard of such a thing? Impossible! Moreover, it was so absurd. Buttons told her that he was affianced five years ago.
"An eternity!" exclaimed Dolores. "How can you wait? But you must have been very young."
"Young? Yes, only sixteen."
"Blessed and most venerable Virgin! Only sixteen! And is she the most beautiful girl you know?"
"No."
"Where have you seen one more so?"
"In Naples."
"Who is she?"
"An Italian."
"What is her name?"
"Dolores."
"That's me."
"I mean you."
This was pretty direct; but Dolores was frank, and required frankness from others. Some young ladies would have considered this too coarse and open to be acceptable. But Dolores had so high an opinion of herself that she took it for sincere homage. So she half closed her eyes, leaned back in her chair, looked languishingly at Buttons, and then burst into a merry peal of musical laughter.
"I think I am the most beautiful girl you ever saw."
It was Buttons's turn to laugh. He told Dolores that she was quite right, and repeated her favorite word, "Belissima!"
One evening when Dick was alone in the room a knock came to the door.
"Was he disengaged?"
"Oh, quite."
"The Signora in the room next--"
"Yes."
"Would be happy to see him."
"Now?"
"Yes, as soon as he liked."
I Kiss Hands.
[Illustration: I Kiss Hands.]
The Signora did not have to wait long. In less time than it takes to tell this Dick stood with his best bow before her. How he congratulated himself on having studied Italian! The lady reclined on a sofa. She was about thirty, and undeniably pretty. A guitar lay at her feet. Books were scattered around--French novels, and manuals of devotion. Intelligence beamed from her large, expressive eyes. How delightful! Here was an adventure, perhaps a fair conquest.
"Good-evening, Signor!"
"I kiss the hands to your ladyship," said Dick, mustering a sentence from Ollendorff.
"Pardon me for this liberty."
"I assure you it gives me the greatest happiness, and I am wholly at your service."
"I have understood that you are an American."
"I am, Signora."
"And this is your first visit to Naples?"
"My first, Signora."
"How does Naples please you?"
"Exceedingly. The beautiful city, the crowded streets, the delightful views--above all, the most charming ladies."
A bow--a slight flush passed over the lady's face, and Dick whispered to himself--
"Well put, Dick, my boy--deuced well put for a beginner."
"To come to the point," said the lady, with sigh.--("Ah, here we have it!" thought Dick--the point--blessed moment!)--"I would not have ventured to trouble you for any slight cause, Signor, but this nearly concerns myself."--(Keep down--our heart, murmured Dick--cool, you dog--cool!)--"My happiness and my tenderest feelings--"(Dick's suffused eyes expressed deep sympathy.)--"I thought of you--"
"Ah, Signora!"
"And not being acquainted with you--"(What a shame!--_aside_)--I concluded to waive all formality"--(Social forms are generally a nuisance to ardent souls--_aside_)--"and to communicate at once with you."
"Signora, let me assure you that this is the happiest moment in my life."
The Signora looked surprised, but went on in a sort of preoccupied way:
"I want to know if you can tell me any thing about my brother."
"Brother!"
"Who is now in America."
Dick opened his eyes.
"I thought that perhaps you could tell me how he is. I have not heard from him for two years, and feel very anxious."
Dick sat for a moment surprised at this unexpected turn. The lady's anxiety about her brother he could see was not feigned. So he concealed his disappointment, and in his most engaging manner informed her that he had not seen her brother; but if she could tell him his name, and the place where he was living, he might be able to tell something about him.
The Young Hussar.
[Illustration: The Young Hussar.]
"His name," sighed the lady, "is Giulio Fanti."
"And the place?"
"Rio Janeiro."
"Rio Janeiro?"
"Yes," said the lady, slowly.
Dick was in despair. Not to know any thing of her brother would make her think him stupid. So he attempted to explain:
"America," he began, "is a very large country--larger, in fact, than the whole Kingdom of Naples. It is principally inhabited by savages, who are very hostile to the whites. The whites have a few cities, however. In the North the whites all speak English. In the South they all speak Spanish. The South Americans are good Catholics, and respect the Holy Father; but the English in the North are all heretics. Consequently there is scarcely any communication between the two districts."
The lady had heard somewhere that in the American wars they employed the savages to assist them. Dick acknowledged the truth of this with candor, but with pain. She would see by this why he was unable to tell her any thing about her brother. His not knowing that brother was now the chief sorrow of his life. The lady earnestly hoped that Rio Janeiro was well protected from the savages.
"Oh, perfectly so. The fortifications of that city are impregnable."
Dick thus endeavored to give the lady an idea of America. The conversation gradually tapered down until the entrance of a gentleman brought it to a close. Dick bowed himself out.
"At any rate," he murmured, "if the lady wanted to inspect me she had a chance, and if she wanted to pump me she ought to be satisfied."
***
One evening Buttons and Dick came in and found a stranger chatting familiarly with the landlord and a young hussar. The stranger was dressed like a cavalry officer, and was the most astounding fop that the two Americans had ever seen. He paced up and down, head erect, chest thrown out, sabre clanking, spurs jingling, eyes sparkling, ineffable smile. He strode up to the two youths, spun round on one heel, bowed to the ground, waved his hand patronizingly, and welcomed them in.
"A charming night, gallant gentlemen. A bewitching night. All Naples is alive. All the world is going. Are you?"
The young men stared, and coldly asked where?
"Ha, ha, ha!" A merry peal of laughter rang out. "Absolutely--if the young Americans are not stupid. They don't know me!"
"Dolores!" exclaimed Buttons.
"Yes," exclaimed the other. "How do you like me? Am I natural?--eh? military? Do I look terrible?"
And Dolores skipped up and down with a strut beyond description, breathing hard and frowning.
"If you look so fierce you will frighten us away," said Buttons.
"How do I look, now?" she said, standing full before him with folded arms, _à la_ Napoleon at St. Helena.
"Bellissima! Bellissima!" said Buttons, in unfeigned admiration.
"Ah!" ejaculated Dolores, smacking her lips, and puffing out her little dimpled cheeks. "Oh!" and her eyes sparkled more brightly with perfect joy and self-contentment.
"And what is all this for?"
"Is it possible that you do not know?"
"I have no idea."
"Then listen. It is at the Royal Opera-house. It will be the greatest masquerade ball ever given."
"Oh--a masquerade ball!--and you?"
"I? I go as a handsome young officer to break the hearts of the ladies, and have such rare sport. My brave cousin, yonder gallant soldier, goes with me."
The brave cousin, who was a big, heavy-headed fellow, grinned in acknowledgment, but said nothing.
The Royal Opera-house at Naples is the largest, the grandest, and the most capacious in the world. An immense stage, an enormous pit all thrown into one vast room, surrounded by innumerable boxes, all rising, tier above tier--myriads of dancers, myriads of masks, myriads of spectators--so the scene appeared. Moreover, the Neapolitan is a born buffoon. Nowhere is he so natural as at a masquerade. The music, the crowd, the brilliant lights, the incessant motion are all intoxication to this impressible being.
The Senator lent the countenance of his presence--not from curiosity, but from benevolent desire to keep his young friends out of trouble. He narrowly escaped being prohibited from entering by making an outrageous fuss at the door about some paltry change. He actually imagined that it was possible to get the right change for a large coin in Naples.
The multitudes of moving forms made the new-comers dizzy. There were all kinds of fantastic figures. Lions polked with sylphs, crocodiles chased serpents, giants walked arm in arm with dwarfs, elephants on two legs ran nimbly about, beating every body with hope probosces of inflated India rubber. Pretty girls in dominos abounded; every body whose face was visible was on the broad grin. All classes were represented. The wealthier nobles entered into the spirit of the scene with as great gusto as the humblest artisan who treated his obscure sweet-heart with an entrance ticket.
A Perplexed Senator.
[Illustration: A Perplexed Senator.]
Our friends all wore black dominos, "just for the fun of the thing." Every body knew that they were English or American, which is just the same; for Englishmen and Americans are universally recognizable by the rigidity of their muscles.
A bevy of masked beauties were attracted by the colossal form of the Senator. To say that he was bewildered would express his sensations but faintly. He was distracted. He looked for Buttons. Buttons was chatting with a little domino. He turned to Dick. Dick was walking off with a rhinoceros. To Figgs and the Doctor. Figgs and the Doctor were exchanging glances with a couple of lady codfishes and trying to look amiable. The Senator gave a sickly smile.
"What'n thunder'll I do?" he muttered.
Two dominos took either arm. A third stood smilingly before him. A fourth tried to appropriate his left hand.
"Will your Excellency dance with one of us at a time," said No. 4, with a Tuscan accent, "or will you dance with all of us at once?"
The Senator looked helplessly at her.
"He does not know how," said No 1. "He has passed his life among the stars."
"Begone, irreverent ones!" said No. 3. "This is an American prince. He said I should be his partner."
"Boh! malidetta!" cried No. 2. "He told me the same; but he said he was a Milor Inglese."
No. 4 thereupon gave a smart pull at the Senator's hand to draw him off. Whereupon No. 2 did the same. No. 3 began singing "Come e bello!" and No. 1 stood coaxing him to "Fly with her." A crowd of idlers gathered grinningly around.
"My goodness!" groaned the Senator. "Me! The--the representative of a respectable constituency; the elder of a Presbyterian church; the president of a temperance society; the deliverer of that famous Fourth of July oration; the father of a family--me! to be treated thus! Who air these females? Air they countesses? Is this the way the foreign nobility treat an American citizen?"
But the ladies pulled and the crowd grinned. The Senator endeavored to remonstrate. Then he tried to pull his arms away; but finding that impossible he looked in a piteous manner, first at one, and then at the other.
Exit Senator.
[Illustration: Exit Senator.]
"He wants, I tell you, to be my partner," said No. 1.
"Bah!" cried No. 2, derisively; "he intends to be mine. I understand the national dance of his country--the famous jeeg Irelandese."
"MRS.!!!"
The Senator shouted this one word in a stentorian voice. The ladies dropped his arms and started.
"I say, Mrs.!" cried the Senator. "Look here. Me no speeky _I_talian--me American. Me come just see zee fun, you know--zee spaort--you und-stand? Ha? Hum!"
The ladies clapped their hands, and cried "Bravo!"
Quite a crowd gathered around them. The Senator, impressed with the idea that, to make foreigners understand, it was only necessary to yell loud enough, bawled so loudly that ever so many dancers stopped. Among these Buttons came near with the little Domino. Little Domino stopped, laughed, clapped her hands, and pointed to the Senator.