CHAPTER XXXVII.
More Liberty Bell.—Liberty Earth.—Liberty Tree.—Liberty Rope.—Liberty Tinklers.—Glorious End of Liberty.
Illustration: THE LIBERTY BELL - DECORATIVE LETTER ‘T’.
THEN the herald proclaimed again that, the Creation being ended, all would adjourn for a week for the Bell to cool, the week to be spent in blowing up their patriotic fervor to the maximum incandescence, and filling their lungs for a fortissimo shout for Liberty on the seventh day.
And the poor dogs did as they were bid. And on the seventh day all gathered to the lifting up of the Bell. And when it was lifted up, the fleas, being very strong and vigorous, did most of the shouting, but the dogs, being very weak for lack of food, did shout very poorly. Nevertheless, the Great Daily Press shut all its eyes, and proclaimed abroad that the shout for Liberty that day was the Great United Shout of One Great United Nation of free, prosperous and happy dogs.
Then said the Bamboozling Committee unto the Great Daily Press, “Oh, thou Great Gee Whizz, on what sacred high place shall we hang this Sacred Vibrator, that its voice may be heard around the world?”
And the Great Gee Whizz answered and said, “The Eternal Fitnesses require that everything that can emblematize our glorious liberties be gathered around this central emblem. Therefore, let Liberty Earth be gathered, and a Liberty Tree be planted therein, to the baptism of Liberty Holy Water, and let the fairest limb thereof be selected as a Liberty Limb, and thereon hang the Liberty Bell, facing the Liberty Goddess, and from the top of the tree let the sacredest emblem of all—the Flag of Liberty—proudly and defiantly float, that Liberty may be complete and perfect.”
And the Bamboozling Committee said the conception was that of a master mind, and should be done. And they sent some very learned and paunchy fleas to a place where, according to tradition, several fighting dogs, eminent in the battle against the Kyhidom dogs, had lain down and scratched themselves and slept the night before, and which had smelt extraordinarily strong of patriotic dog for a long time after. There was also a spot where the great leader in that fight, having got a fly up his nose, had stood and sneezed tremendously; and the spot where his fore feet had stood during his convulsion had been marked with remembrance sticks from that day.
These spots, they said, were, therefore, Holy Ground; and they ordered several poor dogs, that had been specially fumigated and cleansed and consecrated for the occasion, to take Consecrated Shovels, and reverently and, to the accompaniment of solemn chanting by several solemn salaried barkers, dig up some of that Sacred Dirt and put it reverently in Consecrated Pots and Tins and carry it in solemn procession to the Sacred Spot, where the Liberty Tree was to be planted.
And they solemnly dumped it there, and the Holy-Dirt-touched Pots and Shovels were afterwards put away on a Consecrated Shelf in the Church of the Fleas. And it was so that in after days, many came to worship the Blessed Pots and Tins and Shovels that had been touched by the Liberty Earth on which the ancient dogs had lain and scratched and sneezed; and whosoeverlooked at them was made Free, and received power to make others Free; and whosoever touched them was made whole of any disease he had, and received power to heal anyone else.
Illustration: THE TREE OF LIBERTY.
Then the Bamboozling Committee sent another paunch-bellied and learned lot of fleas, to where was a tree, against which certain big dogs that had distinguished themselves in the said battle against the Kyhidom dogs, had rubbed themselves vigorously when they had the itch. Here, said they, was a tree whose bark had actually been rubbed by, and afforded relief to, those noble dogs whose teeth and claws had torn out the eyes and bowels of their enemies, and stopped the exactions of the foreign fleas of Kyhidom, and had established that glorious Liberty by which the interests of the native suckers of Canisville had been so gloriously compacted and built up.This, then, was the Tree of Liberty, on which the Blessed Bell of Liberty should hang.
And it was so. And they made the specially fumigated, consecrated dogs transplant it into the Liberty Earth. And on the day of the Solemn Hanging, The Holy Tintinnabulator was escorted with shouts of joy, and to the vociferous chanting of a magnificent Jubilate Deo, and set up on the Liberty Limb of the Liberty Tree.
And there was a great noise made with the blow, bang and thump instruments; and the dogs wept with a thankful joy for all the wondrous liberties which these things demonstrated unto them; and the salaried barkers went amongst them and gathered up their joyful tears, and poured them at the sacred roots of the Sacred Tree, and said a sacred grace over the pouring; and the fleas gathered around and snivelled with them, and made a right beautiful talk about “OurCommon Liberties,” “OurNational Glory,” “OurUnited Interests,” “OurGreat Wealth,” andoureverything else; and then the great Flag of the Free was run up on high, and a herald came forth and blew a trumpet, and proclaimed that if any dog knew of any just cause or impediment why all this gallant show and emblemism should not be considered proof irrefragable that they were the fairest, fattest, and freest lot of dogs and fleas that ever God Almighty’s sun shone on, or ever would shine on, he should now declare the same, or forever hold his peace; but, nevertheless, if any such measly and discreditable dog dare get up and deny it, he would instantly be strung up to the highest gallows as a traitor.
So no one accepting the challenge, the ceremonies proceeded and Chancy Mountebank Dephool Flea—with a solemn wink to the other Bamboozlers, who solemnly winked back to him—in the name of E Pluribus Unum, and countless thousands of free, united, fat, prosperous and happy dogs, pulled the mighty tongue of the Bell; and as the mighty tone of the hammered metal rose upon the trembling air, and went up in a majesticvolume to Heaven, all the Bamboozlers and the Monstrous Fleas closed their eyes and turned their noses heavenward, and wept great copious tears of gratitude and joy; all the salaried barkers closedtheireyes and turnedtheirnoses to heaven and wept likewise, and all the dogs prostrated themselves and wept with joy until all the earth around was wet. At which moment of solemn joy a Heavenly Voice from under the Bell pealed forth:
It rings—the mighty Bell of God,It thrills the heart beneath the sod,And spirits of our patriot siresKindle again the sacred fires.Hallelujah!It rings—and angels from the heights,Salute the Flag of Canine rights;The Seraphs rush on radiant wing,With all the cherubs with us to singHallelujah!It rings—and all the stars stand stillEntranced, t’ enjoy the rapturous thrill,And swear it is, upon their word,The grandest sound they ever heard.Hallelujah!It rings—and from its tongue of flameIt writes upon the sky a name—The name of Freedom; kneel, Oh earth;God struck the hour that gave it birth.Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
It rings—the mighty Bell of God,It thrills the heart beneath the sod,And spirits of our patriot siresKindle again the sacred fires.Hallelujah!It rings—and angels from the heights,Salute the Flag of Canine rights;The Seraphs rush on radiant wing,With all the cherubs with us to singHallelujah!It rings—and all the stars stand stillEntranced, t’ enjoy the rapturous thrill,And swear it is, upon their word,The grandest sound they ever heard.Hallelujah!It rings—and from its tongue of flameIt writes upon the sky a name—The name of Freedom; kneel, Oh earth;God struck the hour that gave it birth.Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
It rings—the mighty Bell of God,It thrills the heart beneath the sod,And spirits of our patriot siresKindle again the sacred fires.Hallelujah!
It rings—the mighty Bell of God,
It thrills the heart beneath the sod,
And spirits of our patriot sires
Kindle again the sacred fires.
Hallelujah!
It rings—and angels from the heights,Salute the Flag of Canine rights;The Seraphs rush on radiant wing,With all the cherubs with us to singHallelujah!
It rings—and angels from the heights,
Salute the Flag of Canine rights;
The Seraphs rush on radiant wing,
With all the cherubs with us to sing
Hallelujah!
It rings—and all the stars stand stillEntranced, t’ enjoy the rapturous thrill,And swear it is, upon their word,The grandest sound they ever heard.Hallelujah!
It rings—and all the stars stand still
Entranced, t’ enjoy the rapturous thrill,
And swear it is, upon their word,
The grandest sound they ever heard.
Hallelujah!
It rings—and from its tongue of flameIt writes upon the sky a name—The name of Freedom; kneel, Oh earth;God struck the hour that gave it birth.Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
It rings—and from its tongue of flame
It writes upon the sky a name—
The name of Freedom; kneel, Oh earth;
God struck the hour that gave it birth.
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
The pealing of this hymn held all the dogs entranced, and as the last beautiful note died away, they all wept, and said it was lovely poetry; too lovely for anything; especially where the life-knell of the Bell thrills the hearts of the dead dogs under the sod; and the Bell with its long and facile flaming tongue writes names on the sky.
Then President Dephool Flea, after waiting a few rapturous moments to let the beautiful words soak into their souls, announcedthat “our” liberties having now been duly established, and acknowledged of Heaven, the Blessed Bell was now open for every one to hammer his gratitude to God on, and that each would take a turn in order.
Which they did. All the fat, eminent and Monstrous Fleas gathered in single file, and passed before the Bell and hammered it, giving one blow for himself, and thirteen times and forty-four times and six times, on behalf of the all-glorious liberties, wealth, prosperity and happiness of the dogs. And everybody was delighted, especially the big fleas, who said it was the very best amusement they had ever had in their lives; and they begged the Bamboozling Committee to keep it up, for, far beyond all considerations of the amusement of it, it was the bulliest piece of dust throwing ever yet devised for blinding those d—— fool dogs.
So the Bamboozling Committee and the Great Many Headed Gee Whizz, put their wits together again; and the ever fertile Daily said that, as he had foretold, the Bell racket and show had pleased the dogs immensely, the Committee should go on giving them emblems to look at and noise to make. “But,” said he, “let us give them a chance to make the noise themselves. Ye and the other fleas have had all the hammering so far; let them do it now. I propose we get them to make an emblematic Rope, a long Rope, a strong Rope, and a Rope they can pull the old Bell clapper all together with.
“Set them to make a Rope that shall be emblematic of their common wealth, their common caninity, their common Liberty, their common dirt, their common itch, their common hunger—their common everything. Let each one strip a few hairs off his hide and his tail, and bring them as an offering to Liberty, and let all those hairy contributions be spun into a great Liberty Rope. Then one end thereof shall be attached to the great clapper, and as many of the dogs as can shall get hold and pull; and it shall be pull and bang, and bang and pull, and pull and bang, until the poor imbeciles will go mad and crazywith the delightful racket; and the noise shall fill their bellies—which, you know, is the cheapest kind of victuals.”
“Hurrah for the Great Gee Whizz!” cried the Bamboozlers, “Liberty Noise and Liberty Ropes are cheaper than Liberty.”
And, as before, The Great Daily Press, with awful solemnity, publicly announced that the dogs were agoing to have more emblems to celebrate their glorious liberties and privileges with.
And when the dogs heard the great emblematic Liberty Rope proposition, they wagged their tails and howled deliriously for joy, and went lachrymoniously drivelling to each other that Canisville was indeed the place where Freedom dwelt, and that no other dogs on the face of the earth had a Liberty Bell, Liberty Poetry and a Liberty Rope; no indeed.
And the dogs hasted and each stripped some hair off his tail and hide, and sent it to the Bamboozling Committee, who, in the privacy of their meeting place, had it spun, to the accompaniment of many a wink and many a hilarious laugh over the silly idiots that were so easily—oh, so very easily—buncoed and bamboozled out of Liberty, by Liberty emblems and shams.
And when the great common Rope was ready, they ordained another day of howling thanksgiving, and self laudation, and self glorification, and a solemn moment of attachment of the end thereof to the glorious Banger of the glorious Bell, and a solemn consecration and dedication of the Rope, and another grand hymn, which called all the angels from their most pressing engagements to crowd Heaven’s battlements, in admiration of their magnificently idiotic jubilation.
And the dogs were tickled to death with their Rope, and took turns of gangs at pulling it; and the eternal banging and clanging and jangling of the hammered metal was so delightful that they forgot their hunger even; and they danced around the Bell,and kissed it, and touched it reverently with their noses, and blessed God for Liberty, Liberty, Liberty.
And at the suggestion of the Great Gee Whizz, the Bamboozling Committee made a multitude of little tinkling bells, verisimilitudesof the Great Bell, and touched each one on the Great Bell, and it was so that virtue went out of the Great Bell and made a true Liberty Tinkler of the little one.
And the Committee ordained that each truly patriotic dog hang a Liberty Tinkler on the end of his nose, one in each of his ears, and a row of them on his tail, to the end that all the world and everybody else might hear the noise of Liberty, and that every dog, at every movement of his body and wag of his tail, might be a living, eternal Proclamation of Liberty throughout the land.
And it was so. And the dogs were delighted and hung little Liberty Tinklers upon themselves as ordered; and all Canisville rang with Liberty.
But in a short time the fat fleas, and the eminent fleas, and the Monstrous Fleas, seeing that the Blessed Bell and the Liberty ceremonies had quite served their purpose, and the poor fool dogs had been hypnotized into a very satisfactory state of forgetfulness of their wrongs and miseries, told the Bamboozling Committee that they might now with safety conclude the amusement and close up the show, as it was somewhat expensive.
So the Bamboozling Committee, ordering one grand final hammering, that made the startled angels jump, and a grand final yell for Liberty, which made the air tremble for a week after, and a benediction in chorus by all the salaried barkers, that sounded like the last tapering-off roll of distant thunder, declared the greatest and grandest show of the ages closed.