THE ELECTRIC MAN
Scene.—Walter’srooms in London. Moderately furnished sitting-room.
On tableR.a newspaper and two unopened letters.
The table up in the alcove is set for luncheon.
Walter’sbrown bowler is lying on chair or sofaL.
The cupboard door has a spring so that it closes of itself when left open, a string being also tacked across the inside of the door so thatWaltercan pull the door to after him at end of play. A large bamboo rocking-chair is used for the figure, and is easily moved and turned as directed.
The cupboard door has a spring so that it closes of itself when left open, a string being also tacked across the inside of the door so thatWaltercan pull the door to after him at end of play. A large bamboo rocking-chair is used for the figure, and is easily moved and turned as directed.
(EnterJackandMrs. AndersonD.inF.)
Mrs. Anderson.It’s as I thought, sir, the pore young gent isn’t up.
Jack(looks at his watch). Was he late last night?
Mrs. Anderson. Oh, yes, sir, as I happens to know being woked up sudden, thinkering to hear a burgular, which was only Master Walter Everest, the gent I does for, a-creepering and a-crawlering upstairs.
Jack.Is he often like that? (Takes up and looks at letters on table and puts them down again.)
Mrs. Anderson.Lawk a floury! no, sir, only breaks out occasional when his work’s bad. Mr. Everest is a chemist and electerician.
Jack.Been working hard lately?
Mrs. Anderson.I believes as he have something very musterious and secret inventering at this here identical period of time, some mustery as he keeps in that there cupboard which the door is always locked constant. Oh, very musterious—and queer smells a-penetratering and perfuncteroring the house. Oh, here he are, sir.
(Walter’sdoorL.opens.She exitsD.inF.)
(Walterstumbles inL.He is not to look dissipated, but to act it.)
Walter.Hullo, hullo! whose head is this? It isn’t mine, it can’t be mine. Stop! (Sits top ofR.table.) Stop! (Picks up newspaper.) Morning paper, who wants morning paper? (Throws it on floor behind him, andJack,who is watching him, picks it up.Walteropens letter.) Letters, who wants letters?—oh, one from my tailor, “We greatly regret delay in delivery of your new black coat. We will despatch it to reach your residence without fail to-day. May we remind you that your account——?” No, you maynotremind me.
(Jackgives him a rousing smack on the back.)
Hullo, Jack, where did you spring from?
Jack.Came to town this morning. (Clasp hands.)
Walter.Jack, I’m very ill. I haven’t been out of doors till last night for weeks. Nothing but work at what my father left me. He gavehislifetime to it and then left it to me. It ought to have been the invention of the age. I went on the spree last night, when the whole thing failed.
Jack.I have some news for you about your stepmother, Mrs. Everest. By the idiotic conditions of your late father’s will—if the old lady marries again before your birthday on Monday next the whole fortune he left becomes not yours but hers.
Walter.He meant it the other way about.
Jack.Yes, but that is how the will reads—instead of writing “Heshall inherit,” your father wrote “sheshall inherit.” She is the “she.” About forty-five thou., isn’t it?
Walter.Nearer fifty.
Jack.An adventurer named Potterfield has lately come to the village, found out about the will, made love to the old lady, got a special license, and is bringing her to town to marry her to-morrow.
Walter.What?
Jack.Stella is coming here directly. This wedding must be stopped or postponed.
Walter.Jack, something’s got to be done—suppose I were taken ill—very ill.
Jack.No good at all.
Walter.Well, suppose that—no, that’s no use—suppose again that—no, that’s no good either. I have a dim kind of idea that in some way my invention is going to help us.
Jack.You said it had failed.
Walter.It failed living; it might be of use dead. (Swiss Jodel.) Hullo, tra la la! (Momentary dissipated business.)
(StellaentersD.inF.)
Walter.Hullo, Stella how are you? Jack has told me all about this adventurer, Potterfield. I’ve an idea to checkmate my stepmother. (Gives her seat.) I’m going to postpone their marriage not by being ill—I’m going to die. What do you think of that?
Jack.I think it’s the weakest thing I ever heard of.
Walter.In that cupboard there is a figure exactly like myself which was timed to spring into existence yesterday at 5 p.m.—only it didn’t. It’s the work my father never completed. Something went wrong. There the figure is and will remain, dead as a nut.I even dressed it in my best clothes, gave it a name, too, christened it Cyril Davidson.
Stella.Cyril Davidson? (Laughs.)
Jack.What was the little idea of making it like yourself?
Walter.My father’s instructions were to make the man I was creating a handsome, good-looking fellow, according to the very best available model. All you’ve got to do is to produce the dead figure and say it’s me. I’ll go away to Brighton; they can’t in common decency marry before the funeral.
Jack.Then it seems you made an electric man.Mychief doubt is it won’t be like enough.
Walter.Come and see!
(Music. He takes key from pocket, unlocks door of cupboard, and a man in black frock-coat, with black bowler, is seen seated with back to audience.)
Stella.Oh, how wonderful! (Looking in.)
Jack.Wonderful! (Looking in.)
Stella.Walter, thatisyou!
(Bell rings offD.inF.)
Walter.Bell!—that may be my stepmother! (He quickly closes cupboard.) We might go into the other room. I call it my drawing-room, because there is a piano and three gold-fish in a bowl.
(Stellagoes into roomR.)
Jack, in case she comes I’d better be off. Can you lend me any cash?
Jack.How much do you want? (Producing loose cash.)
Walter.Two or three pounds. (Looks inJack’shand.) I’ll take four. (Does so.) Stop, I’ll give you a duplicate key of the cupboard. (Gives key.) The figure has got my black coat on, and I want it for Brighton. When you come back, it will be wearingthisone. (Pointing to coat he is wearing.)
Jack.Right.
Walter.Explain that to Stella.
Jack.Right oh! (Jackgoes into drawing-roomR.)
(Walterpicks up and puts on his brown bowler, goes quickly up, unlocks cupboard, puts key back in pocket, then goes in after saying:)
Walter.Now, Mr. Davidson, my coat, if you please.
(He opens door wide, showing figure seated as before, then goes in and the door closes.)
(He is then heard calling loudly in cupboard:)
I say! let me go! confound you—Jack—Jack—I say! the thing is moving!
(Loud noise of struggle.)
Hold on, damn it! don’t hit me on the head! Do you want to STUN me? Jack!
(A loud cry and two thumps, then the cupboard door slowly opens,Automatonputs head out—the actor having had time to change into the black coat before entering as the automaton. It creeps out, not opening the door more than necessary—business, tries to re-open door by hitting it. It wears the black bowler set to one side of head. Comes downC.,stiffly, and remarks, “Yow,” then goes up.Mrs. AndersonentersD.inF.with dishes and sets table in recess with back to audience. He goes towardsMrs. Anderson.She starts on seeing his strange manner. He turns and goes across and straight offD.inF.,she goes after him.)
(A loud cry and two thumps, then the cupboard door slowly opens,Automatonputs head out—the actor having had time to change into the black coat before entering as the automaton. It creeps out, not opening the door more than necessary—business, tries to re-open door by hitting it. It wears the black bowler set to one side of head. Comes downC.,stiffly, and remarks, “Yow,” then goes up.Mrs. AndersonentersD.inF.with dishes and sets table in recess with back to audience. He goes towardsMrs. Anderson.She starts on seeing his strange manner. He turns and goes across and straight offD.inF.,she goes after him.)
Mrs. Anderson(calling after him). Mr. Everest, sir!
(ExitAutomatonD.inF.)
(ExitMrs. AndersonD.inF.)
(JackandStellaenter fromR.)
Jack.I left him changing his coat.
Stella(looking out of window). There he is turning the corner; hehaschanged his coat.
Jack.Let’s have a proper look at this wonderful thing before the old lady comes.
(They fetch out chair withWalterseated on it and bring it down stage, where they wheel the chair right round so that the stunnedWalterfaces audience. He is hatless.)
Stella.Hasn’t it slipped down in the chair since we saw it last?
Jack.I don’t think so.
Stella.Look at its eyes—Jack, they’re opening—it’s moving!
Jack.Great Heavens! it’s being born!
Walter(half stunned and waking). Where am I?
Stella.It speaks!
Jack.It’s living!
Walter.I want a drink!
Jack.Good lord! It drinks!
(Stellascreams and falls on seat. Bell again rings loudly offR.)
Hullo! there’s Mrs. Everest! (He takesWalter,who has risen, by the arm.) Come with me, sir (leads him to bedroomL.). In there with you, quick!
(Kicks him in quickly, and locks door.)
(Stellameantime has hurried up with the chair and put it in cupboard and closes door.)
Phew! this is the most extraordinary thing! (Hurries down, saying:) Where are the telegraph forms?
(As he snatches them from nail on wall, and sits to writeR.,Mrs. AndersonentersD.inF.out of breath and with a telegram; she is in process of dressing, her hair being in disorder, and she wears a dressing jacket.)
Mrs. Anderson.Telegrapheram, sir. (Down and gives it.)
Jack(looking at telegram). From Mrs. Everest—“Have missed train, don’t wait lunch—coming by next.” Thank goodness! (ToMrs. Anderson.) I suppose you don’t know where I can find a detective?
Mrs. Anderson.Yes, sir, I does. Being my own nephew as lives in the attic.
Jack(writes several telegrams, as:) I want him at once——
Mrs. Anderson.Lawk a floury me!
(Hurries outD.inF.)
Stella.What are you writing? (Takes up one of the telegrams.) “Walter Everest,Ship Hotel, Brighton. Cyril Davidson is living. Come home.”
(Walterknocks loudly at bedroom door.)
Jack! listen!
Jack(still writing—knocking repeated). Coming—coming.
(Knocking ceases—he continues.)
This goes to every hotel in Brighton.
Stella.He may not be at an hotel.
Jack.That’s why I’ve sent for a detective——
(Jobbinsenters, hat in hand and umbrella under arm; he is a stout man, rather shabbily dressed in tweed, with tweed frock-coat, and has a square-topped bowler.)
Jobbins.My name is Jobbins, sir. (Gives large card.) Private inquiry and detective agent, utmost secrecy and despatch, parties watched, missing relatives traced, divorces ensured.
Jack.This is a very simple matter, Mr. Jobbins. The gentleman who resides here left home suddenly. I want him fetched back at once. (Sits and writes note as:)
Jobbins.Yes, sir (goes up, then returns), where is he? (With notebook open to take notes.)
Jack.Brighton.
Jobbins(notes). Brighton—what hotel, sir?
Jack.Do you think if I knew what hotel I should require a detective?
Jobbins.Then how am I to find him?
Jack.The best thing will be to take the first train to Brighton.
Jobbins(notes). First train to Brighton.
Jack.He may be at a boarding-house.
Jobbins(notes). Possibly a boarding-house.
Jack.When you find him give him this note (closing it and giving it), and send me a wire. (Gives five-pound note.) There is some cash for your expenses.
Stella.How is he to know Walter?
Jack.Isn’t there a photograph? (Finds one on mantelR.) Here we are. (Gives it.)
Jobbins.I’ll walk about the Brighton streets with this—why, I seen this gent in the public gardens five minutes ago.
Jack.Then after him and bring him back.
Jobbins(atD.inF.). You’ll hear from me—BY WIRE.
(Exit.)
Jack(calls out after him). Follow him to Victoria; if you miss him, go right on. (Comes down.) I’ve forgotten these telegrams.
Stella.I’ll take them.
Jack(gives them). Have you any cash?
Stella.Yes. (Hurries outD.inF.)
(A very loud peremptory knocking atD.L.Jacklistens a moment—it is repeated.)
Jack.Getting nasty! (Loud knocking.)
Walter(off, calls). I say—let me out!
Jack.Now if I had not known, I should have said that was Walter. The voice was a trifle thick at starting, but now its identical.
Walter(off). Let me out. (Loud knocking.)
Jack.I suppose I’ll have to.
(He goes and unlocks door and returns toR.front—Waltercomes out.)
Walter.What is the meaning of all this?
Jack.That’s exactly what I want to know.
Walter.Locking a fellow in a bedroom.
Jack(aside). Calls itself a fellow and knows it’s a bedroom!
Walter.I feel as stupid (he is still half-stunned) as an owl. Where is Stella?
Jack.Knows about Stella!
Walter.What are you muttering?
Jack.Knows I’m muttering!
Walter.Well?
Jack.Well.
Walter.Why the devil don’t you speak?
Jack.Knows there’s a devil! I really don’t quite know what to do with you till your creator returns.
Walter.What?—How?
Jack.What or how—same thing. This is a pretty pickle, Mr. Cyril Davidson.
Walter.Mr.What?
Jack.Of course you don’ know your name yet; that is what you were christened, Cyril Davidson, so I call you Cyril Davidson.
Walter.Oh, you do, do you? that’s very clever of you. My mind’s a blank, I can’t remember what happened before I woke up on that chair.
Jack.No one remembers what happened before they were born.
Walter(bangs a book down on table). Oh, damned nonsense!
Jack.I wonder what you think of the world now you’ve come into it; what are your general impressions of mankind?
Walter.Was this why you locked me in the bedroom?
Jack.Exactly.
Walter.And are you going to keep this up?
Jack.Decidedly.
Walter.I can’t see much sense in it myself; however, if it pleases you—I’m going to have some lunch. (Goes up to table in recess.)
Jack(calls up). Mr. Davidson! (No answer.) I’ve made it angry. (Calls.) Mr. Davidson—I say, Davidson—Mr. Cyril Davidson—sir,—oh, it’s in a pet and declines to answer me.
(StellaentersD.inF.)
Stella.Jack, a boy brought this. (Gives note.)
Jack(tears it open). Jobbins is something like a detective. “Just seen Mr. Everest, he is running. Jobbins.”
Stella.Running?
Jack.The electric individual is in there.
Stella.You let it out? What is it doing?
Jack.Lunching.
Walter(at table in alcove, mixing salad). Nothing here but salad! (With beer bottle.) Beer, who wants beer?
Jack.Knows all about everything!
Stella.It’s been listening in the cupboard before it lived. (Pause and then asks.) Should we speak to it?
Jack.It’s very bad-tempered, but I daresay it won’t hurt you. (They go up.) I say, Davidson!
Walter.Bah! (They start back.)
Stella.Poor thing! tell it it’s amongst friends.
(They again approach.)
Jack.This young lady is very anxious to make your acquaintance, Mr. Davidson!
(Waltersmashes crockery with a beer bottle; they start and come down in fright, then approach again.)
Stella.Please, Mr. Davidson!
Walter(turns). Oh,you’vecome back; has Jack told you what he’s playing at?
(He comes down a little—they retreat from him.)
Jack.Isn’t it wonderful! Calls me Jack!
Walter(as they are staring at him). When you’ve done staring, perhaps you’ll drop this.
Stella.Jack, I can’t believe it! (Walterwalks about in rage.)
Jack.At first I couldn’t, but there is a difference, I begin to see it, a very subtle difference; watch how it moves; aren’t its joints a little stiff and so on?
Walter(quick step to him). You thick-headed-addle-pated numskull!
(Jackin fright falls headlong backwards over sofaL.,Stellaruns and crouchesR.,then they rise on knees and wave to pacify him.)
Jack.Gently, gently!
Stella.Oh, please, Mr. Davidson, please don’t be so angry; we are both awfully interested in you and really sorry for you. It must be terrible to be born full grown.
Walter.Am I mad, or are you?
Jack.Youare.
Walter.That’s settled.
Stella.Of course, you think you’re real, but weknow. You’re only a made thing, like a cheese or a pudding.
Walter(hand to head). You honestly say and believe that I am my own invention? (They nod solemnly.)
Walter.Am I myself, or am I the thing I made?
Jack.You are the thing you made.
Walter.Then where is myself—the other fellow?
Jack.Your esteemed creator left home before you began to exist, changed coats and went.
Walter.Changed coats? I never changed coats at all!
Walter.The moment I tried to, the figure rose up and stunned me.
Stella(up to him, throws arms round him). It’s Walter!
(EnterMrs. Andersonwith telegramD.inF.,and gives it.Jackopens it.)
Mrs. Anderson(seeingWalter). Ow! Ow! Lawk a floury me!
(Exit.)
Jack.Jobbins is somewhere near Euston. (Gives telegram toStella.)
Walter.Who’s Jobbins?
Jack.The detective who’s gone after you to bring you back.
Walter.Then it really went out?
Stella(reading telegram). “Have taken a cab, he’s still running.” What will happen if Mr. Jobbins catches it?
Walter.I expect hewillcatch it.
Jack.Another telegram! (Going up toD.inF.)
(Mrs. Andersonhands in a telegram and retires.)
(Coming down, reading:) “He has smashed some more windows, and is still running.”
Stella(taking the telegram). More windows!
Jack.“The crowd are still after him.”
Walter.Crowd?
Jack.“He has just climbed a tall chimney stack marked Bovril, and is now sitting on the top.”
Walter.Good Lord!
Jack.“Marked Bovril,” is this to be your fate, alas, my poor brother!
Walter(snatches the wire and reads). “They are fetching a fire escape. He keeps yowling.”
Stella(taking telegram). Yowling?
Walter.Suppose the police get him and think it’s me, I’ll be blamed for all this damned thing. We must catch him. We’ll buy a gag and handcuffs as we go along.
Stella.Gag? Why?
Walter.Because he’s yowling! Stop! Stella must stay in case Mrs. Everest comes. (Calls.) Mrs. Anderson! I want a cab!
(He andJackrush outD.inF.)
Stella.I’m so excited I think I’ll play the piano in the other room.
(ExitR.to drawing-room and immediately plays and sings“Caressante.”)
(AutomatonentersD.inF.,in black frock-coat, but now hatless, goes to cupboard, paws at the door, goes and knocks over chair, then to table upL.and takes up a tumbler, brings it down mechanically to frontC.,half raises it, then lets it fall on the floor and sits by tableR.,facing audience and says:)
(AutomatonentersD.inF.,in black frock-coat, but now hatless, goes to cupboard, paws at the door, goes and knocks over chair, then to table upL.and takes up a tumbler, brings it down mechanically to frontC.,half raises it, then lets it fall on the floor and sits by tableR.,facing audience and says:)
Automaton.Tick-tick-Yow.
(Mrs. AndersonentersD.inF.with a black frock-coat in tailor’s parcel, places it on tableR.top end, then seesAutomatonand comes outC.,to speak.)
Mrs. Anderson.Oh, he’s there, are he? (Using handkerchief as she speaks.)
Automaton.Yow.
Mrs. Anderson.There’s a parcel from the tailoring folks with a message hopering as it were in time.
Automaton.Yow-Yow. (She starts a little.)
Mrs. Anderson.The pore young lady is a-sittering in there.
Automaton.Tick-tick. Yow-yow! (Same business.)
Mrs. Anderson.Ain’t you in good ’ealth, Mr. Everest, sir?
Automaton.Yow-chuck, Yow-yow.
(Rises and makes mechanical exit to bedroomL.)
Mrs. Anderson(watching him). Pore-young-man!
(EnterStellaR.)
Mr. Everest have come back, mum; gone in his bedroom, mum; been to the pub.-house again, or I’m much mistook. Pore-young-man!
(ExitD.inF.)
Stella(calls across). Walter, here’s a parcel—Walter!
(Automatonenters doorL.,but does not come out, she sees him.)
Walter, why have you left Jack? Is anything wrong?
Automaton.Yow! (Turns and goes in againD.L.)
Stella(crossing to the door). Walter! (Door shuts.) How very polite of you! Are you changing? (Voice off says, “Yow.”) Oh, very well, if you won’t answer me. I’m in the drawing-room all alone!
(Has crossed back toR.,and goes in.)
Automaton(entersL.). Tick-chuck-yow. (Goes up, hits door of cupboard twice.) Chuck-yow-yow.
(Goes to recess, knocks over a chair, hits clock, etc., and goes into china cupboard in recessL.A loud noise of smashing of crockery off.Stellathrough this is playing and singing same air as before.)
(Waltercomes inD.inF.,as soon as ever he can, walking quite quietly as contrast to the very quick exit ofAutomaton.Brown jacket.)
Walter(comes to tableR.,calling). Stella! I want you. Stella!
Stella(stops singing a moment to call). I’m not coming! (Resumes song off.)
Walter(takes up parcel). My new coat at last. The moment I get Davidson under lock and key I’mgoing to change into this and get away to Brighton. (Puts parcel down.)
(StellaentersR.)
Why wouldn’t you come a minute ago?
Stella.Why did you shut that door in my face?
Walter.When?
Stella.After you went out.
Walter.After I went out—before I came home? Did I speak?
Stella.No.
Walter.It’s as plain as a pikestaff, it’s come home!
Stella(slowly and firmly). I believe you’re right. Now I’ve seen you both I’ll never mistake again.
Walter.It must be somewhere on the premises now.
(They hurriedly look about under furniture, and meet and collide upC.,and say, “Oh!” Noise in china cupboard.)
Walter.It’s in the bedroom. Run down to Mrs. Anderson and borrow the very largest blanket.
Stella.Why?
Walter.I want something to throw over it.
(StellaexitD.inF.)
Walter(listens to fresh sounds). No! It’s in the china cupboard!
(A wooden hand with fingers extended is mysteriously thrust out of china cupboard door. He gets a plate and smashes it on this hand, which is at once withdrawn. This can be done with a real hand and smash plate on door near it.)
(A wooden hand with fingers extended is mysteriously thrust out of china cupboard door. He gets a plate and smashes it on this hand, which is at once withdrawn. This can be done with a real hand and smash plate on door near it.)
(He quickly turns key.)
Walter.Got it—got it!
(He jubilantly dances downC.,then goes and calls outD.inF.)
Stella, Stella, I’ve locked it in the china cupboard. I don’t want the blanket. (Returns.) Gone in the kitchen, I suppose! (Takes up parcel.) Change my coat at last and get away! (Goes into bedroomL.)
(Immediately on his exit a loud smashing in china clipboard, then the door flies into splinters and is knocked down, andAutomatonenters quickly, hurries right roundC.,and into bedroom afterWalter.)
(Immediately on his exit a loud smashing in china clipboard, then the door flies into splinters and is knocked down, andAutomatonenters quickly, hurries right roundC.,and into bedroom afterWalter.)
Walter(within, as loud noise in bedroom). Hi! stop!
Automaton(within). Yow-yow.
Walter(rushing in, dressed in black coat). By Jove! what an escape!
(Jack,carrying blanket of green flannel or red, enters withStella,who has gag and handcuffs—enterD.inF.)
(Waltermakes signs to them, pointing to bedroom and beckoning them to follow him there.)
Jack.Is that it?
Stella.Yes, yes, Jack, yes!
(Jackthrows blanket overWalter,and they get him on chairC.)
Jack.Hurrah! we’ve got him now! (Business: secure him with rope round his legs and gag, then take blanket off.) (Walter,gagged, groans.) No more climbing tall chimney stacks! (Waltergroans.)
Stella.Is it in pain?
Jack.Of course not.
Stella.It groans so!
Jack.Rather mad at being caught.
Stella.Is it wax-work?
Jack.More like indiarubber. I suppose you do see the difference this time?
Stella.Rather.
Jack.That’s not flesh and blood. (Pulling its nose.)
Stella.It seems to want to explain something.
Jack.It will never get the chance of that. (Lighting a candle from mantelR.)
Stella.Poor thing! are you tired of living? (Groan.)
Jack.How can it answer you?
Stella.I believe it could if you took the gag out of its mouth.
Jack.Hold the candle under its nose. (Groan.)
Stella.No, no, no! (Jackputs candle on table.)
Jack(with pin from waistcoat). I want to see what it will do when I stick this pin in it. (Groan.)
Stella.No, no!
Jack.In its leg, you can nip its arms and legs. (Does so—groan.)
Stella.It doesn’t seem to like being nipped.
Jack.In the interests of science I’m going to bleed it. (Loud groans.) Give me a carving knife. (Groans.)
(Mrs. Andersonhas entered and come down—seesWalter,screams. They start.)
Mrs. Anderson.The gent I does for came down the other stair from the bedroom (pointingL.) and is in the kitchen premises at this here identical period of time.
Jack.What!Ishe?
Mrs. Anderson.Here have I been a-doing for two twins at the price of one.
Jack(bustlesMrs. AndersontoD.inF.). Send Mr. Everest up at once! (ExitMrs. Anderson.)
Jack.Now to make an end of this fiend!
(Walter,who has been watching them as well as he could, now pretends to be dead.)
Hullo! I don’t think I’ll want any instruments, it’s passing away! (Business.) Not breathing! (Looks at watch.) It’s eyes are closed. Oh! it’s run down. I believe we’d be quite safe to unbind it. Just help me with this rope. Let it pass away quietly on thesofa. There is something pathetic even in the death of a doll.
(They unbindWalterand raise him, he opens his eyes and bounds uponJack—commotion.)
Confound it, it’s living again!
(Stellaruns in roomR.,Jackruns in roomL.)
Walter(asJacklooks inL.,andStellalooks inR.). I say! (They at once withdraw.) Jack! Stella! (Heads appear again.) I say! Jack! (Heads disappear.) Come out, you bounder! (Heads appear.) Why are you making such idiots of yourselves?
Jack(coming in). Who are you?
Walter.Walter Everest.
Jack.The other fellow said that.
Walter.Iamthe other fellow.
Jack.Then I’ve let the automaton escape!
Walter.Escape?
Jack.Itmust be in the kitchen now!
Walter.I have a particularly heavy poker in my room, I’ll just fetch it.
Jack.And then?
Walter.We’ll see what then! (Has gone into bedroomL.)
Jack.Thisisa nice muddle! What asses we’ve been!
Stella.Yes, haven’t we?
Jack.By Jove! we have.
(Automatoncomes inD.inF.,followed byMrs. Andersonwith a telegram—they both go quickly into drawing-roomR.)
Mrs. Anderson(calling as she goes). Telegrapheram, Mr. Everest, sir!
Stella(downL.withJackpoints up to them as they go out). Jack! look!
(Piano is smashed offR.)
Oh, what’s that?
Jack.That’s the piano! (Glass is smashed offR.) That’s the three gold-fish in the bowl!
(Walterwith poker entersL.)
Mrs. Anderson(off). Oh, help! (She rushes in fromR.in a fainting condition and gasps.) Mr. Everest have fell out of the window into the street!
Walter.Mrs. Anderson, I am here.
(She gives a loud yell of fright in his face and rushes into bedroomL.Stellahastens after her.)
Walter.There’s going to be no mistake this time, I’m going after it myself. (ExitD.inF.)
(JobbinsentersD.inF.,his hat bashed, a black eye, and one arm in a sling. He is in a miserable condition.)
Jack.Great goodness! Jobbins!
Jobbins.What’s left of him, sir!
Automaton(off at back). Yow-yow.
Jobbins(on his knees clings toJack). I calls on you to protect me!
Jack.We must search this house from top to toe. You chase up, I’ll chase down. And if we don’t find him, meet here.
Jobbins.I’ll do that (they go up), meet here!
(Exeunt.)
Stella(looks inL.). Jack, she’s getting better—Jack! where are you? (Goes in again.)
(JobbinsentersD.inF.,comes down, saying:)
Jobbins.Missed him! (SitsL.ofR.table). I’ll just make out my little bill.