CHAP. XIV.

What a Trick he served a young man of his Acquaintance, whom he met withal accidentally; how he was pinched with hunger, and what wayes he invented to kill it.

I made all the speed I could toLondon, knowing the largeness of that Vast City would afford conveniency for my concealment. But then my cloaths much troubled me, knowing nothing would betray me sooner than they. Whilst I was studying all imaginable wayes for my preservation, such an opportunity presented it self, that therein it was plainly seen the Fates had decreed of old to favour my enterprizes. As I said, walking the streets, and ruminating what was best to be done, I met with a young Man of my acquaintance, who seeing me, ran and caught me in his Arms, and with very much joy we congratulated each other, and so as is usual when Friends meet we must drink together. Over our cups, I began to inquire after his condition: He shook his head, and so related to me a sad story, which in effect was to this purpose in his own words.

Dearest Friend, since last I saw you, never was young Man so unfortunate as my self, the cause thereof I can impute to nothing more than self-conceit, and over-much credulity; which by the sequel you will plainly understand. For perceiving that my Mistress shewed me more then a common respect, I concluded that she had entertained some private favour for me within her breast, so that I began to be puft up with conceit; neglecting my duty, and now despising the Chamber-maid, who was before the only Saint I made nightly my oraizons too; withal, I carried my self so imperiously, that my Master was not very well assured whether he durst command or no. My Mistress would sometimes heartily laugh, to see how ridiculous I carryed myself; which I looked upon as a singular favour, mistaking her smiles for tokens of her love, when they were no other than the apparent Symptomes of her derision. Observing how affable and pleasing she was, I never considered the generality of it, so that my self-flattering noddle supposed this carriage particular to me, and thereupon interpreted this her complacencie strong affection; and by reason she was frequently merry and jocose, I concluded her salacious or Lecherous. Thus by the false lights of misconstruction and easie belief, I was led into Loves Labyrinth; My Masters affairs was less regarded than my Mistress supposed affection. In fine, I judged it absolutely necessary to make her acquainted with my Amorous Passion, and no expedient better than by Letter. My Mistress (as it is customary with Citizens Wives to light the Candle of their Husbands Estates at both ends) had her Country-house, to which I was sent by my Master, with some bottles of Wine, preparatory for a Feast intended for the accommodation of some special Friends: arriving, I found my Mistress had sent her Maid toLondonabout some business, at which I bless’d my propitious stars, to direct me thither in such a fortunate and most desired hour.

After I had delivered my Message, I began to talk very familiar with my Mistress: she with a smiling countenance, ask’d me,What I meant?not in the least checking my presumption, which made me more arrogant and bold; telling her,I was her eternally devoted Servant; she answered me,I was bound to be her Servant for a time, and that I must, when commanded, obey her pleasure: to which last word, I added in my thoughts theEpithite Venereal, supposing she meant not to have left it out; with that I replyed,Mistress, I should not deem my self worthy to be your Servant, if my resolution had not ingaged me to be so perpetually; as for my affection, it shall dayly anticipate your desires; you shall not need to lay your commands on me, since my thoughts shall be solely imployed in contriving wayes how we may injoy each other, to the mutual satisfaction of us both. At which words, she fell into an excess of laughter, (which I judged the effects of joy) and then asked me,Whether I was Mad?I answered,No, unless too much love had made me so; Dearest Mistress, read but this Paper, and I hope that will better inform you.

Here he stopt, pulling out of his pocket a copy thereof, which was to my best remembrance to this purpose.

Dearest Mistress,

Frequently revolving in my thoughts the condition I now am in, Despair stands ready to seize me; but the consideration and knowledge of your commiserating Nature, draws me out of its ruinating Jaws. When I reflect again on the disparity of our Fortunes, and that it is your Indentured Vassal that thus prostrates his affection at your feet, I fear one blast of your just indignation will suddainly shipwreck all my hopes. I confess my error is overmuch confidence, for which I may expect ruine, which commonly attends rash Attempts; especially daring to sail in the narrow Seas, without any other Pilot than blind Love; and if I should arrive at my desired Port, I cannot deliver my Goods without stealing Custome. But waving all difficulties of this Nature, consider that Love must needs be quintessential, that is not drawn from any other interest than reciprocal enjoyment; and it must needs be exceeding strong and eminent too, that will force its way through the greatest hazards. Signifie my Pardon by one gracious smile, for what I have so boldly (yet forceably) discovered, and I shall esteem my condition little inferior to what is Celestial; which is no happiness to me, without the auspitious beams of your favour shine on me. And so subscribe my self according as your sentence shall be, either the

Most happy, or most miserable.

The Verses that were annext to the Letter, he told me he got a Rimer to compose for him, which afterwards he found stoln out of several Authors; a line out of one, and a half out of another, and so with the course thred of his brain botch’d together; which were these:

Cupid did wound my heart; I hid the griefLong time, but durst not seek for your relief;I found the smart increased on that score,For wounds, if not well search’d, but rankle more.O cure me quickly then, or else I die;Deny not, since there’s none but you and I.

Cupid did wound my heart; I hid the grief

Long time, but durst not seek for your relief;

I found the smart increased on that score,

For wounds, if not well search’d, but rankle more.

O cure me quickly then, or else I die;

Deny not, since there’s none but you and I.

I withdrew as soon as I had delivered my Paper, giving her leave to read in private, what my Love had dictated. About a quarter of an hour after she called me to her, assuring me in a day or two I should receive an answer to the purpose; and so absconding her displeasure, she sent me with all expedition home again. After the expiration of three dayes, she came home to her City-house: at night she pretended some indisposition of body, and desired to lie by her self; which hearing, I thought my joy would prove a Traytor to my supposed happiness; she takes an occasion to tell me,About twelve at night I might come to her Bed-chamber, the door whereof she would leave open for me on purpose. In the mean time, she shewed my Master the Letter, acquainting him with the whole business. According to the time appointed, I entered the Chamber in my shirt; approaching the Bed, I began to pour out my Amorous Expressions; and as I had one leg upon the Bed-side, ready to enter the Bed, where I thought my Mistress had attended my pleasure, I thought the Devil had waited on my Posteriors, correcting me for not making more haste. The first lash was seconded with three or four more in an instant, which made me caper up and down so nimbly about the Room, that for my life I could not find the door; at last I did; speed was now the onely Guardian I had left, and so without pausing long upon it, I made but one step of the first pair of Stairs from top to the bottom, which had liked to have lamed me; before I could recover my self, my Master was with me again, which put fresh expedition into me; and so starting up, I leapt down half the next pair, and tumbled down the rest. By this time he had lost the cord of his Whip, and fearing lest he might spoil me with the stick, desisted bidding me go to bed, lest I should catch cold after so great a heat, and so with two or three parting blows I got into my chamber, where I fell into a deep consultation with my self, the result of it was this; I took my curtains and sheets, and tied them together, and then fastned one end thereof to the Window; after this I went out of the Window, and so slid; by that time I was within an half story of the ground, the knot of one of the Curtains slipt, so that falling from that height, I thought that every bone in my body had been absolutely broken. Knowing it was no wayes safe to lie there and cryGod help me, I raised my self as well as I could, but I had not walked far, before I found my self in no condition of going, wherefore I resolved to lie under the next Stall. As the Devil would have it, I found a Coblers Stall newly broke open that very night: never questioning the place, I crept in, and notwithstanding my bruise by the fall, and whipping besides, I fell fast asleep, so soundly, that I awaked not, till I was forced to it with an horse-pox. For the Cobler coming to work early in the morning (according to his custome) found his door broken open; with that, he made an hideous noise, crying out, He was undone; for the day before he had laid out three shillings four pence, which was all his stock in Leather; all which was stoln, with many old shooes, nay his very working implements; doubtless it was done by one of his own Fraternity, that had informed himself of his late great purchase. The Cobler entring his Stall, found me in one corner fast asleep. He took no other course to awake me, than dragging me by the heels out of my Den, into the Street, crying out, That he had got one of the Rogues, and without any more adoe, fell upon me, buffeting me with his fist, and treading me underneath his feet, making himself both my Judge and Executioner: Thus you see one mischief attends the others heels. I begged him in a pittiful manner to let me alone, and I would confess to him all I knew, desiring him to go with me to the next Ale-house, which accordingly we did. I vowed to him I was no ways accessary to his wrong, informing him as much as I thought convenient of my sufferings, shewing him what a woful plight I was in; relating, it was my Masters cruelty that was the cause of all this, and no other fault of mine, then staying the last night out a little too long. The Cobler seemed to commiserate my misery, asking me forgiveness for what he had done, and so we parted. Since, by the kindness of a good natured Widow (where I lie) I have recovered my hurts and strength, and now am overjoyed we should so happily meet.

After this we drank very smartly, but, I forgot not all this while my design on him. After that I had pitied him, and lamented his sad misfortune, I thought it high time to put my Plot in execution: in order thereunto, I demanded what difference he would take between my Hat and his, his Cloak and mine; there being small matter of advantage in the exchange, we agreed to go to handicap. In fine, There was not any thing about us of wearing cloaths but we interchanged: scarce had I un-cased my self, and put on my Friends cloaths, but in came one that had dogged me, attended by the Constable, with a Warrant to seize me, who they knew by no other token but my Boarding-Mistresses Sons garments I had stolen for my escape. They forthwith laid hold on my Companion, (finding them on him) telling him,He should severely suffer for the wrong he did his Mistress, in the abuse of her house. Full of horror and amazement, he beseeched them not to carry him before his Mistress, knowing how much he had offended her, she would have no mercy on him; this confirmed their belief, that they had found out the Offender. The more he intreated, the more deaf and inexorable were they; and whilst they were busied about their mistaken Criminal-Prisoner, I took an occasion to give them the slip, knowing that a little further discourse would rectifie their Error. What they did with him I know not, neither durst I be so inquisitive to understand: wherefore, leaving him to the mercy of such, as would shew but little to him, I shall proceed forwards in my own story. My stock was now very small; how to increase it, I knew not. My invention was daily on the Rack, to find out expedient wayes to supply my necessary expence. But my money being all spent, my belly began to grumble out insufferable complaints against me, seeming to charge me with want of ingenuity and industry, since I injoyed my liberty; for want that man cannot, which wants not that. Alas, what should I do? I used what means I could, having no better experience. There was not a Billiard Table, Boards End, or Nine-Pin-yard, that I did not daily visit, frequenting such as had the greatest resort: in a short time I learned the art of Spunging so perfectly, that I had the Title ofSpunge-Master Generalconferred upon me. In those places I learned to take Tobacco, which was the chiefest part of my food; living in a manner by Smoak, as the Camelion by Air. I fed so lightly, that I durst not stir abroad in a high wind; neither durst I fight, lest one single stroak should have hazarded my dissolution; continued drinking had so washed me, that my body was transparent, you might have seen within me (without dissection) the motion of the heart; you could have observed but little as to my liver, it long since had lost its use in the conveyance of the blood, for my stomack had nothing therein contained to supply it; like an Inns-a-Court-Kitchin out of Term-time. In short, I appeared like a walkingSkeleton. I had several suggestions within me to proffer my self again to my Master; but the shame to be seen in that condition, deterred me; wherefore, I resolved to weather it out a little longer, and try whether Fortune would once more be favourable to me. My cloaths were indifferent good, which could not but procure me credit, if I would make experiment. By means whereof I had gotten an handsome lodging chamber. It was a publick house of entertainment, so that here I thought I should have meat, drink and lodging for chalk, and chalk for nothing. I called freely for what was in the house, which was readily brought me; but when the servants beheld with what celerity, (Hocuslike) and cleanly conveyance, I had disposed of what was before me, they verily believed in one week I would cause a dearth in the house if I staid; wherefore, one of the servants acquainted her Mistress with what she had observed, alleadging further invectively against me, That I looked like one of those lean Beasts which have nothing given them to feed on, but vertuous and honest Women; that she believed I was theGeniusof some hunger-starved wretch, or a shaddow without a substance, (which was very true as to my pocket.) When I thought it was time to go to Bed, I call’d for a candle, not mattering whether I called for a Reckoning. But my Landlady did; for said she,Sir, It is our custome to reckon with our Lodgers every night what they have that day, and once a week to discharge their lodging. In truth I did intend to have discharged my self of it before the week had been out. I knew not what at present to answer her, but I was seldom to seek in such cases. I desired her to be content for that night, on the morrow I would have my Trunks brought to her house, making it my Quarters for some time; and that she should find me a boon Companion, drinking freely:I believe so, she said,you will be here for some time, or may be you will make this your Refuge or Sanctuary for one night; and then you say you will drink freely too, give me leave to tell you, you meant at free cost. Sir, give me my reckoning now, or you shall have no lodging here this night.Do you suspect me, Landlady, said I?Respect you, said she, (mistaking the word)for what grounds, unless I knew you better? and yet I doubt I shall know you too well. That’s a good one indeed, respect a skinfull of Bones; a bag of Chessmen; a bundle of small Faggot-sticks. Why, thou Haberdasher of small wares, dost thou think I will respect thee otherways than for thy moneys? unless I should be so mad as to fall in love with Famine. Come, give me my reckoning first, and I shall talk with you in another Dialect; if not, I shall set my Currs at thee(the Tapster and Hostler)that shall worry thy gibb’d Catship.Hearing her say so, & thinking the passage had been clear, I betook my self to flight; but running thorow the Entry, I ran my belly directly against the Tapsters leg, that lay over the bench on which he slept. I ran so fiercely, that I shoved his head so violently against the board rais’d at the end of the bench, that I made his neck double; the knock likewise had like to have turn’d that little brains he had within his head. As for my own part, I thought that his foot had run quite into my belly, and that pulling it out he had left his shooe behind. Before I could rise, I had three or four about me, which I thought would have limbed me, as boys falling out do their cocks onShrove-Tuesday. At that time I would have spared them one limb, provided that would have contented them. But there was no mercy to be had at their hands, especially the shrill note of their Mistresses perpetually moving Tongue, sounding a charge in their ears. Being tyred with me, they would be revenged of my cloaths. They would have stript me (I think stark naked) for my Reckoning, but that one said,Let his Cloak suffice; at which, another pulled so furiously at it, that miraculously, without rending that thin transparent garment, he got it all but the cape. In this condition I was brought before my new Landlady; I asked her what was to pay?Sirrah(said she)more then thou hast in thy Pocket; (2 s. 4 d.) As well as I could speak, I demanded how it came to be so much.Why, (said she)there is for Beef1 s.for Bread4 d.six pipes of Tobacco, and three pots of Ale; all this thou hadst in less then half an hour.I would not contradict her, though I knew it was near an hour; I desired her to keep my Cloak for the reckoning, but durst not threaten her for her abuse. Being about Hay-making time, I walked out into the Fields, resolving to spend that night in contemplation. I had now time toconsiderthe damage I sustained in this skirmish: they had carried away all my Ribbands with their fingers, otherwise my cloaths received the least harm. My Nose resembled a black pudding before it is boyled, and my Eyes were fled into my head for fear of such melancholy meat. My Cheeks were so puft up with swelling pride, that they were resolved to close up the portals of my Opticks, that they might not be eye-witnesses of the height of their ambition. My Ears were so maulled with their fleshy Hammers, that I heard a peal within my head for joy, I suppose, that my eyes had taken up their residence within my brains. At last I felt something about my shoulders; at first I thought it had been the weight of the blows, but feeling, found it a part of my friend that still hung about my neck, and would not leave me; which put me in minde of that faithful Cloak that would never leave its Master, although his Master had attempted all ways imaginable to leave it. I must needs say, I loved my Cloak so well, as that it grieved me much to be compelled to part with it. It had been a servant to servants, ever since the setting up of the first Billiard-table, whence it deriv’d its Pedegree. Being deprived of its imployment, and dipossest of its antient habitation, its heart-strings were ready to break, and being not able to take a nap for grief, turned changeling. The young man I had it of, told me, that from the fifteenth successively, it was descended to him: but they were unworthy to him, that having had his best days, would turn him off in his extream old age. I have him so fresh in my memory, that I cannot but condole his loss.

Cloak, if I may so call thee, though thou artThus ravish’d from me, don’t abruptly part.Thou didst not take distaste, and so art gon,Cause once I call’d thee a meer hanger on.’Twas but in jest; for had I now my will,I’de have thee for to hang about me still.Now I may tax thee justly, for I seeThat now th’art nothing else but levitie;Nay when I had thee, scarcely did I knowSometimes whether I had thee on or no.Thou wert so thin, and light, that some have thoughtThee made of that same webArachnewrought,And say th’art useless now, unless men putThee like a Cobweb to a finger cut.I love thee still, for better and for worse;He that divorc’d us, let him have my curse.Sure ’twas a red-Nos’d fellow, for I know,He coming near, it was but touch and go.But let him keep thee, for thou’lt useless beTo him; thick cloaths suit best with knavery.

Cloak, if I may so call thee, though thou art

Thus ravish’d from me, don’t abruptly part.

Thou didst not take distaste, and so art gon,

Cause once I call’d thee a meer hanger on.

’Twas but in jest; for had I now my will,

I’de have thee for to hang about me still.

Now I may tax thee justly, for I see

That now th’art nothing else but levitie;

Nay when I had thee, scarcely did I know

Sometimes whether I had thee on or no.

Thou wert so thin, and light, that some have thought

Thee made of that same webArachnewrought,

And say th’art useless now, unless men put

Thee like a Cobweb to a finger cut.

I love thee still, for better and for worse;

He that divorc’d us, let him have my curse.

Sure ’twas a red-Nos’d fellow, for I know,

He coming near, it was but touch and go.

But let him keep thee, for thou’lt useless be

To him; thick cloaths suit best with knavery.

Day appearing, I got me a stick out of a hedge, and so walked inQuerpointo the City. I walked up and down, but met with none of my acquaintance on whom I might fasten on as abur. Noon approaching, my belly began to Chime, I thought all the meat inEast-cheapwould not lay that spirit hunger had raised within me. Coming by a bakers shop, I pretended to be ignorant of the City, & as I was asking him the way to such a place, not caring what, I happily secured a penny loaf, which I carried off undiscovered; I thought it not good to cumber my pocket with it, wherefore at two bits I gave it my belly to carry. Surely at that time I had anOstrichesstomack; every thing I put into my mouth, passed through me like Quick-silver. Going a little farther, I came to an Ordinary, where I saw two sitting in a lower Room expecting their meat: I sate me down in the next little box to them. Immediately there was brought to them powdred Beef and Turnips; the young Man that served them, came to me, demanding what I would have, I bid him let me alone, and not speak too loud, for those two which were next me, were my very good friends, and I would startle them by and by with my unexpected appearance; at which he left me. Finding my opportunity, I slipt my hands through a hole, in the form of an heart, which was in the partition that divided us, and laying hold on the Turnips, I spake aloud, You hoggs, are ye at the Roots? I will make one among you instantly, and so brought out my handful; having devoured them in a trice, I presented my self to their view, and sate down with them:Gentlemen, said I,excuse my frollick, I am in a merry humour to day. They concluded what I said to be a truth, and bad me welcome.Nay, said I,meat will come instantly as a supply; and so it had need, for we made a clear board immediately. Seeing this, they called the boy, taxing him for sloth, that he did not bring my meat.Sir, said he,the Gentleman did not order me to bring any; at which they frown’d, and began to charge me with incivility.What are ye angry?said I. To which they replied Affirmatively:If so, I answered, (laying my hand upon a full pot of Ale)I value your anger no more than the drinking this Pot, which I swallowed at two gulps, and so bid them farewel; leaving them to call for another Ordinary.

CHAP. XV.

How he had like to have been transported, being taken up by Kid-napper, vulgarly called a Spirit.

Having satisfied my stomach, I walked along with much more courage than before; which had been to little purpose, had I not had a stick in my hand; For there was hardly a dog in the street (which I went through) that gave me not hisgrinning Salutation, and would when my back was turned (knowing else I would never have suffered their humility) have kist my veryheels, had not my stick prevented theirSnearing Dog-shipsmouths. I have wondred often why Doggs will bark so incessantly at the sight of a Tinker, Pedlar, Tom-a-Bedlam, nay, any suspitious fellow, till I found it my self by experience, that by natural instinct they know and hate the scent of a Rogue. My course of life appeared so idle (by my lazy stalking and gaping this way and that, sometimes standing still and seriously viewing what deserved not a minutes observance) that the Beadle took hold on me, telling me it was great pitty that such a lusty young Man should want imployment, and therefore would help me to some: but understanding from him that it must be inBridewel, my leggs failed me, shewing thereby how unwilling they were to be accessary to the punishment which would be inflicted on my back: at length by pitiful looks, and many intreaties, I got clear of him, but fell immediately foul with an evil spirit, or a Seducer of Persons to the Indies. Well may he be called a Spirit, since his nature is like the Devils, to seduce any he meets withal, whom he can perswade with allurements and deluding falsities to his purpose.

After he had asked me many impertinent questions, he invited me to drink with him; I ingeniously told him I had not a penny, otherwise his motion would be acceptable to me. At which he cast up his eyes to Heaven, and laying his hands on his breast, Alas poor young Man, said he, what pitty it is such a fellow as thou art shouldst want money; which argues thou art both destitute of friends, and an imployment also. Well, I’le say no more for the present, but before we part I’le study some way or other for thy advantage, which I shall do meerly out of commiseration to the miserableness of thy condition, as also out of respect to thy Father, whom I am confident I have heretofore known; by the resemblance thou bearest him in thy Countenance. I could but smile to my self to hear how this Rascal dissembled; not discovering my thoughts, I willingly went with him to drink, resolving to see what the event would be; after he had paused a while, Well, said he, I have found it.

There is aMerchantan intimate friend of mine that wants a Store-house-keeper; Now if you can cast accompts ever so indifferently, you shall find entertainment from him, and 40l.per annumfor encouragement. I told him that I joyfully accepted his kind proffer, and that I should refer my self to be disposed of as he should think fit. With that he imbraced me, saying, within two days I should go aboard the Ship where the Merchant was, who would go along with me toVirginia(where he pretended the Merchants Plantation lay) in the mean time, you shall go along with me to my house, where you shall be, and shall receive from me what your necessities require. I had heard before, how several had been served in this kind, so that being forewarned, I was fore-armed:premonitus, premunitus. He carried me away presently toWapping, and housed me. To the intent he might oblige me to be his, he behaved himself extraordinary friendly; and that he might let me see that he made no distinction between me and his other friends, he brought me into a Room where half a score were all taking Tobacco: the place was so narrow wherein they were, that they had no more space left, than what was for the standing of a small table. Methought their mouths together resembled a stack of Chimneys, being in a manner totally obscured by the smoak that came from them; for there was little discernable but smoak, and the glowing coals of their pipes. Certainly the smell of this Room would have out-doneAssa Fœtida, or burned Feathers in the Cure of Ladies troubled with the Fits of the Mother. As to the sight, the place resembled Hell, so did it likewise as to its scent, compounded of the perfume of stinking Tobacco and Tarpawlin. So that I concluded the resemblance most proper.

In Hell damn’d souls, fire, smoak, and stink appear.Then this is Hell, for those four things were here.

In Hell damn’d souls, fire, smoak, and stink appear.

Then this is Hell, for those four things were here.

I was seated between two, lest I should give them to slip.

After I had been there awhile, the Cloud of their smoak was somewhat dissipated, so that I could discern two more in my own condemnation: but alas poor Sheep, they ne’re considered where they were going, it was enough for them to be freed from a seven years Apprenticeship, under the Tyranny of a rigid Master (as they judged it, coming but lately from sucking the breasts of a too indulgent Mother) and not weighing (as I know not how they should) the slavery they must undergo for five years, amongst Brutes in foreign parts, little inferior to that which they suffer who areGally-slaves. There was little discourse amongst them, but the pleasantness of the soyl of that Continent we were designed for, (out of a design to make us swallow their gilded Pills of Ruine) & the temperature of the Air, the plenty of Fowl and Fish of all sorts; the little labour that is performed or expected having so little trouble in it, that it rather may be accounted a pastime than any thing of punishment; and then to sweeten us on the farther, they insisted on the pliant loving natures of the Women there; all which they used as baits to catch us silly Gudgeons. As for my own part, I said but little but what tended to the approbation of what they said.

For all my aim (as I related before) was to understand the drift of this Rogue, and then endeavour to get what I could from him. By this time supper was talkt of by our Masters; so choice they were in their dyet, that they could not agree what to have. At last one stands up, and proclaiming silence, said, that a Dish of Bruiss was the mostPrincely Dishof any. And to tell you truly, by his looks, I thought he had been begot just as his Mother had put a Sop into her mouth, of that Stomach-murdering stuff, the grease running about her chops, which pleasing her fancy, struck so deep an impression in the imagination upon her conception, that the face of that thing she brought forth, lookt much like aToastsoaking in a CooksDripping-pan.

That he might perswade the rest this way to indulge his appetite, he added farther, that it was a Dish would not be expensive, and soon ready. My Landlady to back him on, said, she had some skimmings of the pot, which she had been collecting these three moneths, some whereof she questioned not but to procure, and let her alone to order it so, that we should say we never had a better Dish aboard in our lives.

Another contradicting him, preferred a bowl of Pease-pottage before the cheifest meat whatever, that he could never look into the pot and see them boyl round, but that his heart leapt within him, and kept time with their motion. My master (that was their Senior) scorned to be controlled in his fancy; and therefore positively determined to have somePoor John, swearing that theGreat Moguldid eat nothing else thrice a week, and thatAtabalipa(that Indian King whomCortezconquered) caused a sacrifice every day to be made of them to his Idol, commanding them to be laid on anAltarmade of some coals of fire, then the fat of some beast rubbed thereon, (because they had no Butter) and so presented to theIdol, afterwards to the King, which he did eat with inexpressible satisfaction. Order was given that this delicate fare should be provided. Though they didbeatit mostunmercifully, yet it would notyield, resolving rather to bebrokeninpeices, then to become unlike itsMastersheart, or shew any thing of atender nature. There was one allotted me for my proportion, which I used as they had done, laying it on the coals a little while, and so committing it to my teeths disposal, I never found till now that my teeth could be thus shamefully baffled. They made several assaults upon it to little purpose. My teeth at length fearing a total conquest, desperately and inragedly seiz’d on the thinnest and weakest part, and holding it as fast as a Vice, at last in the conflict overpowered one small fleak, but not being able to stay the swift backward motion of my head, the hinder part thereof (the seat of Memory) flew so violently against the wall, that I not only instantly forgot what I was doing, where I was, but the pain then I sustained by the knock. Strong-water they poured down my Throat to revive me, but there was nothing did sooner fetch me than a small fleak of thePoor John, which sticking in my Throat had well nigh choaked me, which caused a strugling, and summoned the spirits together to oppose what might be destructive to Nature.

Now did I really imagine my self at Sea, where, for want of provision, I was forced to feed onCordage, or theShip sides. Had this poor creature been groundsmall, I might have made as hard a shift to have swallowed it, as those Sea-men did theSaw-dustof deal boards coming fromNorway, and destitute of other food. That night I slept but little, neither could I, had I swallowedOpiumfor that purpose, for the innumerable quantity ofBuggs(as some call them) that hadinvadedmy body; being weary (as I suppose) of inhabiting any longer thedry mansionof that old rotten Bedsted on which I lay. In the morning I found theruinesof a Looking-glass in the window, which I took up to discover whatknotsor nodes those were I felt orespreading my face. The sight whereof struck into me a Pannick fear, verily believing I had been infected with a spotted Feaver.

I began to curse the bed and sheets, imagining the Contagion proceeded from them; to be satisfied herein, I drew aside at the beds feet the Curtain (that is to say, part of a Tilt) pinned there to keep the wind off, which otherwise would have fanned us to death, coming in so furiously through the Port-cullise of the window: (for glass there was little). At first sight I questioned whether I was not lately risen from the Dead, since there was visibly before my Eyes, the black Cloath that covered my Herse. Had not we gone to bed without a Candle over-night, I should sooner have chosen a bulk than this bed to lye on. It might have been a goodQuære, whether those sheets had ever been washt since their weaving, and continually since imployed by Whores and Bawds, successively, to sweat out their Contagious humours, and matter proceeding from their ulcerated Bodies.

My pretended friend perceiving my amazement, bid me be of good courage, for those marks in my face, were only occasioned by astinging sort of Vermine, who seldome meddle with such as are accustomed to them, only giving their welcome to such as wereNew-comers. I took these sufferings as patiently as I could; but thinking it was an ill coming for me to either of them; and it should not be long before I would take myfarewell. We had scarce breakfasted, before a Messenger came into the room, and with much seeming respect pretended to deliver a Message to my friend. I ghessed it was to inform him how the Tyde served, and so it proved. My friend told me we must be gone instantly, for the Merchant attended my coming: Wherefore we presently went down to the staires to take Boat: by the way he told me, that he would go with me in the same Ship, and take as much care of me as he would of his own Son, whom I understood afterwards he had too sure, above a year since stoln away, and sold him as a slave. One while I thought to have ran for it, another time I thought to have cryed out, aSpirit, aSpirit, but that the thought of the Water-men being his Accomplices, deterred me. I was at my wits end, not knowing what to do. Coming into the Boat, being now destitute of all relief, I asked him according to his former pretence, whether he resolved to go to Sea with me? yes, replyed he, I question, Sir, (said I) whether you ever told a truth in your life, but I am resolved you shall now; and with that I flung my self with him over-board. Those which were in the Boat, immediately endeavoured at our rising to pull us up into the Boat: But I clapping my hands unfortunately on the side of the Boat on which they within leaned, overturned it upon me. The first thought this accident produced in me, was that a Whale had swallowed me, and that I was in the dark concave of his belly: or that Death had arrested me, and clapped me up a close prisoner for my sins, in Hell’s deep and black Dungeon. But by the industry and expedition of many Water-men, eye-witnesses of this passage, (which had like to have proved Tragical) the Boat was recovered, and I the first person taken up and set on shore.

Multorum manibus grande levatur onus.

Many hands make light work. I ne’er staid to see what was become of my good Friend, (a Pox take him) but with what speed I could, attended with a great number of littlehooping Owlets(I mean the young fry of Scullars) I secured my self from thisAnthropopola, or Man-seller: A charitable woman seeing me in thispickle, (for it was Salt water, which mySous’d gutsmay testifie if they please, in their grumbling manner ofspeaking) told me that she would entertain me till to morrow. This was the greatestCordialcould be applied to thiscross; and without many Complements, I thanked her for her great love. Now because she saw what condition I was in, she immediately put me to bed.

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