"Being forced to work, and forced to do your best, will breed in you temperance, self-control, diligence, strength of will, content, and a hundred virtues which the idle will never know."
"Being forced to work, and forced to do your best, will breed in you temperance, self-control, diligence, strength of will, content, and a hundred virtues which the idle will never know."
Charles Kingsley.
What the Young Wife Owes to Herself—Why Was I Born—What Are the Personal Qualities Necessary to Success—What Are the Personal Qualities Necessary to Happiness—Self-control—What is a Thought—The Evil Habit of Hasty Judgment—The Bad Thought Habit—Training the Mind—Go About it in the Right Way—Be Sure Your Husband's Friends Are Your Friends—Be a Good Fellow—Two Kinds of People in the World—Everything Depends Upon What We Do With Our Mind—The Most Popular Woman—The Gift of Flattery—Choosing Your Friends—True Friendship Expects and Demands Nothing—True Friendship is Necessary—"By Your Friends Shall Ye Be Known"—Making Resolves—The Formula of Success—When Fortune Knocks.
What the Young Wife Owes to Herself—Why Was I Born—What Are the Personal Qualities Necessary to Success—What Are the Personal Qualities Necessary to Happiness—Self-control—What is a Thought—The Evil Habit of Hasty Judgment—The Bad Thought Habit—Training the Mind—Go About it in the Right Way—Be Sure Your Husband's Friends Are Your Friends—Be a Good Fellow—Two Kinds of People in the World—Everything Depends Upon What We Do With Our Mind—The Most Popular Woman—The Gift of Flattery—Choosing Your Friends—True Friendship Expects and Demands Nothing—True Friendship is Necessary—"By Your Friends Shall Ye Be Known"—Making Resolves—The Formula of Success—When Fortune Knocks.
What the Young Wife Owes to Herself.—If the young wife is making a conscientious effort to do her duty, there are certain things she owes to herself, to her husband, to her unborn children. She too must preserve her health, her efficiency. In guarding the health and contributing to the efficiency of her husband, she will have done much in this direction. She will, however, have many spare moments at her disposal. We have already remarked that these are the moments of destiny. In the coming years she will look back upon these moments with real pride, or regret, according to how she spent, or misspent them. Let us begin all over again, with renewed interest and enthusiasm, and try to understand just what is meant by this.
Every human being asks himself, or herself, at some time in life, the questions, "Why was I born? For what purpose was I created and put upon this earth? Is there any real object or purpose in living, except to pass the time from day to day, and year to year?" To most,the reply is perplexing,—and not at all satisfactory. All great minds who have deeply studied this problem, unanimously agree that there is a purpose in life. We are not a thing apart,—an isolated entity. We are part of the living whole; every thought, every deed, every spoken word, every sentiment, every passion, every prayer, is inter-related with every other thought, deed, word, sentiment, passion and prayer of every other living thing in all eternity. We have an ideal to maintain, and if we are untrue or fail, we interrupt, we desecrate the everlasting scheme of the universe. We will therefore be held responsible for our manner of living,—for the sum total of our existence. We have a purpose to fulfill, a responsibility to sustain. If we are false to that purpose, and fail in our responsibilities, we rob the world of the help we should bestow, and, in a far larger measure, we deprive ourselves of benefits and pleasures, every moment of our lives, greater than we can conceive.
The world is many centuries old, and many millions of human beings have lived and died during that time. A certain percentage of these men and women lived lives which bettered the world. They left a thought which will live through all the ages. They proved the truth of some basic unchanging principle. They drew the attention of mankind to the reality of a certain immutable fact. These truths, these principles, these facts, have all been tested, and they have been found to be everlasting. In other words, we find there are certain truths, certain principles, certain facts, that every living thing must obey, must subscribe to, must live up to or perish. Every thought, every deed, every movement, of every living thing, is regulated by unalterable laws which govern our lives and to which we must conform or pay the penalty in failure. Human nature is God's riddle!
What are the Personal Qualities That Experience has Shown to be Necessary in the Attainment of Happiness and Success?—Experience has taught us that certain personal qualifications are essential to the attainment of success and happiness. We must, for example, be master of ourselves. We must have acquired the art of self-control. Self-control is an evidence of a highintelligence. There are many gradations of mental progress before complete self-control is reached. Complete self-mastery in matrimonial conflicts is a long and difficult acquisition. Probably it is fully acquired in the fewest possible cases. The one who acquires self-control, who gives in during the adaptative period of which we have written, is not the weaker. The young wife should always keep in mind that the underlying principle to be vigorously adhered to in the home, is justice. There will arise many occasions that will severely test your disposition and your patience, but, if you have yourself well in hand, if you understand yourself, you will emerge from the conflict successfully and as a consequence a little stronger. When we acquire the determination to efface self in these domestic squabbles we begin the building of a character.
What is a Thought?—The greatest product of creative inspiration is the human brain. The very fact that each human being possesses one of these marvelous products implies responsibility, the responsibility of what we will do with it. A thought is a creation of brain or mind activity. It may be a bad or evil thought or it may be a good thought. Let us now go back to the young wife just as she is about to begin the hour or so of recreation in the afternoon. Her work being done for the time, let us suppose she elects to do a little fancy needle work. She finds a comfortable seat and is soon apparently engrossed in her work. Is she? Doubtless she is, and a very commendable, harmless, inviting picture she presents, but a thousand thoughts are passing through her mind. It is not the sewing that she does, that will be weighed in the balance, it is not the patient stitch, stitch, stitch, that she takes, that will mark the hour well spent. It is the one thought that will predominate over all the others, that will tell the ultimate tale, because of its effect on her own mind. A thought once created, even if it is never expressed, is as much a created entity as a deed executed.
Suppose this young wife attended a social gathering in some friend's house the evening before, and for some trifling reason she formed an unfavorable impression ofanother lady guest; during the hour of her sewing, which we are discussing, she goes over in her mind all the incidents of the gathering, and because of the previous impression, she still thinks unkindly of the lady in question. She passes judgment upon her in her own mind. What has she really done? She has created a thought an opinion, which now becomes a part of her mind, because it is recorded in her brain cells forever, and, inasmuch as she was not justified in passing judgment upon a person's character in this hasty way, she harmed herself by establishing a bad habit,—a habit of hasty judgment,—which will have an effect on her method of judgment as long as she lives. The evil effect may not end here,—it seldom does. A chance remark,—still the product of the hasty opinion,—made to some other woman regarding this lady, will give this other woman an unfavorable impression of the person, and if you could trace all the little gradations of the first unjust opinion, through all the stages of a gossiping community, you would be astonished at the growth, and the evil accomplished by the thought, born amidst the apparently innocent and commendable surroundings of an hour's sewing. If you educate your mind to create bad thoughts you will become a victim of the habit. Each bad thought makes the creation of another bad thought more easy, because a bad habit is, as we all know, a difficult thing to live down. Therefore a bad thought unexpressed does harm only to the individual who creates the thought. If the bad thought is expressed to another party, it is impossible to tell or estimate the harm it may do. Life is what we make it. If we get into the habit of thinking unjust, unkind, selfish, bad thoughts, we live in that atmosphere. Your whole life will be a reflection of your mental attitude. If you feed your mind on such food how can you hope to grow into a contented, happy woman? Let us not dwell upon the dark side. There is another picture, one more inviting, more difficult to realize, it is true, but more perfect as a consequence.
Training the Mind.—There never was a time in the history of the world when so many people were striving after definite knowledge,—some scheme of mentality,some mental atmosphere,—some spiritual or idealistic phenomena,—which would satisfy the craving, the hunger of the restless and dissatisfied human mind for absolute enlightenment regarding the mysteries of life. It is a curious fact that to attain such knowledge, all these various bodies, no matter how they may differ as to the method of procedure, concede that the education of the human mind and the recognition of its exact capabilities is the ultimate province through which final enlightenment must come.
We must, therefore, recognize that on whatever we do with our mind, in our own little way, will depend the measure of success and happiness to which we may aspire. Success is not attained without effort, but every little effort we expend will help wonderfully in the task. Train your mind to think just, kind, good thoughts. Do not dwell upon the bad side of any problem, search for the good side, because every problem has a good side. So also has every human soul. When the unkind, the unjust, the bad thought is conveyed to you by another, do not admit it, do not dwell upon it, render it negative at once by assuring yourself that there is another side to the question. We all know how easy it is to kick the under dog. We all have in mind some friend, some acquaintance, some old lady, perhaps, who is famous in her community for her kindly ways, and for her kindly thoughts. The two go together. It is well known among her friends that she will not tolerate any unkind, unjust, evil report, of even the humblest or lowest member of society to be expressed in her presence, without instantly defending the maligned victim, by picturing the possible other side. Her life has been an example, an inspiration in the community, because she has always exerted a kindly, sympathetic, helpful influence. It is this atmosphere, this environment, that checks gossip, stifles scandal, saves heartaches, and prevents domestic tragedies.
The most interesting study you will ever engage in, if you are true to yourself, will be the working of your own mind.
The resourcefulness of your brain will be a constantpleasure to you. You will be aided by books and you will find a lesson in every thing you see and hear. Life will appear different, and you will rise above the plane in which the little routine annoyances of daily life seem burdens and sorrows. A woman, if she goes about it "in the right way," can do with her lover-husband what she pleases. If she uses that power for selfish motives, or for a wrong purpose, in the end she will be the loser. If she is far seeing, and uses her power to build up a home, and is just, and respects her husband, and honestly gives him his true place in her scheme, and loves and honors him, and is tactful, there is no limit to what she may accomplish, so far as the personal happiness of herself and husband and children are concerned. We all know that law is not always justice. We likewise know that there is no such anomaly as a perfect human being. The ability to gain a point, without apparent coercion, or a sacrifice of truth or honor, depends upon the successful qualities that go toward the building up of a complete and harmonious personality. It is an axiom in psychology that to attain the highest success, one must first understand, and, understanding, conquer the bad, and develop the good features in one's own temperament, before attempting to rule the conduct of any other person. You must understand yourself before you attempt to understand your husband. Many of his best qualities,—qualities that if rightly understood, will go a long way toward making your life a happy one,—can be misunderstood, misinterpreted, and become incessant factors for doubt, jealousy and quarreling.
Because your husband prefers to do a thing in a way that does not quite satisfy your taste, does not necessarily mean that he is wrong, and such a condition does not justify an argument. Consider the matter seriously, in silence argue it out with yourself and give his side the same justice you hope to get. If you can develop convincing proofs, that his way is not the best way, even though it isn't really wrong ethically, he will probably concede the point, provided,—and don't overlook this,—you "go about it in the right way, and in the right spirit." It isn't likely you will be given a patient hearing,if in the past you have been in the habit of nagging and browbeating him. Don't look upon tactful ways of gaining your point as evidence of weakness. It is distinctly an evidence of strength of character, and, each time you win a point in a friendly debate with your husband, you will have gained much. He will respect you all the more because of your justice; and will secretly admire you because of your ability to protect yourself. You will gain confidence in your judgment, and you will see things in a broader, and from a less selfish standpoint.
Your Husband's Friends Should be Your Friends.—Be sure your husband's friends are your friends. Business or professional exigencies do not always permit a man to choose or select his acquaintances. You can be sure, however, he will not ask or expect you to associate with any doubtful person, though it may be necessary to extend a welcome to an undesirable business, or professional associate, for the time being. When these occasions occur, do not mar the opportunity to help by any exhibition of temper, or dissatisfaction. He may be trying to make the best of an unfortunate incident. Help him. Do not discourage him for at heart his object is to gain some business advantage that will redound to your advantage as well as his own.
Nothing pleases a man more than to know that his wife is "a good fellow," that no matter what seems to be questionable on the surface, he can rely upon her to know that everything is right underneath,—that his motive is good.
Do not invite him to tell a lie in order to avoid a scolding. Nothing is more unfortunate, nothing is more easy for an ordinarily good, but misunderstood man, than the tendency to fib about little things, if he feels in his heart that his wife will scold,—that she will fail to see the point. It wounds his self-respect to have to do so, yet he selects the minor evil as he sees it, he sacrifices his manhood in the interests of domestic peace.
Two Kinds of People in the World.—Roughly, there are two kinds of individuals in the world, the individual who will, and the individual who will not. There areindividuals who will not see the truth, who fail to see the point in an argument, who are obtuse and obstinate. This trait is largely wilful perversity and ignorance. We cannot help noting them in the passing, but we scarcely hope to interest them, though we cannot restrain our sympathy.
Young wives who come within this category will remain the laggards, the degenerates. Their evolution is revolution, they become the fault-finders, the discontents, the gossips. They do not love themselves nor are they loved by any human being. They are the domestic failures. As wives they dishonor the sex, as mothers they dishonor God.
In reality, there is but one thing in the universe—mind. By "mind," we mean the ability to reason. Every human being comes into the world with this ability. Our health, happiness, efficiency, success, depends absolutely upon how we utilize this birthright. There is no limitation to this ability. Heredity and environment have little to do with it. It is a personal equation. "It depends upon how you do it," has been frequently reiterated in the preceding pages. This implies, to what use you put your mind, and this is the secret of the young wife's efficiency and success. True happiness is a mind product. It is a creation of mind activity. The evanescent pleasures are not character builders, but a created thought is a pregnant possibility. The young wife who begins her wedded life with ideals with the determination to succeed, with certain well thought out plans, will progress. Her world is her husband and her home. Her husband must succeed, her home must be comfortable and happy. She must contribute her full share in achieving these results. If she permits her personal amusement to be the dominant purpose she will fail. She cannot transgress the law and remain immune. How can she begin right? Give her best to her home. A woman who gives her most gracious smiles and her most captivating manners to society, is false to her husband and her home. The prettiest gown and the brightest jewels should grace her own dinner table. To bring them out only to attend a reception, or a tea party,is a desecration. Many women expend their moral and spiritual strength upon the "club," and bring the withering remnants as a sacrifice to the blighted home fireside. We have no right to help build a church, or foster a philanthropy by depleting our strength and resources in the effort, only to give the frazzled ends of our talents to home and home-making. Nor has a woman any right to exhaust her strength in the toil of mere housekeeping, and reserve for the evening hour of conversation a bundle of quivering nerves and an exasperated temper. These women are not home-makers. Their ideal of wifehood and motherhood is fundamentally wrong. Every power of the body, and of the mind and spirit, should be devoted to the achievement of a home atmosphere. It is the creation of this quality that spells contentment, peace, happiness, and no other.
A young wife with an ideal, with a definite plan, and with a true appreciation of her dignity and importance, will never find time to daily gossip over the back fence with her neighbor, nor will she join the sewing circle whose function is well known to be scandal bartering. "Give your best to your home,"—one of the great advantages of having a specific plan is that it wholly engages our mind. If we have an object in view, if we want something, it implies interest, and if we are interested deeply in something we think about it. Every spare moment will be used by the mind in devising ways and means to achieve our purpose. We will not find time to seek the questionable amusement of gossip. The women who are eternally poking their noses into other people's business, who burden their minds with other people's affairs, who are busybodies, always neglect their homes and their children. They have no ideals, they are the derelicts of the community. Remember that "Satan finds some mischief still for idle minds to do."
The Most Popular Woman.—The most popular woman is the one whom a majority of all women would vote for in a popularity contest. Many women are so notoriously vixenish and jealous of members of their own sex, that, it would seem to be worth while to analyze the qualifications of the most popular woman, in an effortto discover the one quality which appeals to her own sex. After exhausting the list, we find the most popular woman possesses, in a high degree, the quality of tactful, or diplomatic flattery. The art of flattery is an acquired habit. Statesmen and politicians know its value. Even the little seekers after public office cultivate it assiduously. It is undoubtedly an asset of much value in every sphere of life, but it must not be overdone. Every member of the human-family will tolerate a large amount of it without showing resentment. This is the reason why it is a valuable asset and of such general usefulness. Sometimes a woman will boast that she detests flattery, yet she is highly pleased when you tell her that the one quality you admire in her is that she cannot be flattered. If, therefore, the young wife desires to become popular, for her own sake, or if she regards this as one way to contribute to her husband's efficiency, should his success depend upon public approval,—she may cultivate the art of diplomatic flattery. The cultivation of any art is not a one-sided accomplishment. It is beneficial in many ways, and aids distinctly in character building. No one, for example, can acquire the art of tactful flattery and retain a sour or mean disposition. To flatter efficiently you must seem delighted, and the delight must express itself in smiles and kindly words. These habits will impress themselves upon your inner consciousness, and before you know it, the habit will be a constituent part of your temperamental armamentarium.
The most popular woman will acquire the habit of making some flattering observation every time anyone's name is mentioned, and she will never be guilty of criticising a living person or a dead one. She will make it her rule in life, in order to sustain her reputation, never to make an enemy. She will cultivate the insinuating art of shaking hands, of smiling sweetly, and of making apropos remarks. No one will ever leave her without feeling that she is an exceedingly gracious person. She will even convey to them, in her inimitable way, the impression that she thinks they are "just right." She will use "blarney" as a science in an artful way.The flattering remarks she will make regarding others will be passed along by those to whom she makes them, and she will be responsible for an epidemic of egoism all over town. It is a wonderful art.
If the young wife keeps this up for some time she will begin to notice certain things. She will be accorded much flattering attention herself and she will be treated with marked consideration wherever she goes. She will be received cordially, and every aspiring other woman will make strenuous efforts to include her among her friends. She will be invited to participate in public functions when members of her sex take part, and she will be favored and her interests furthered in all social organizations.
She will, without doubt, wear her laurels becomingly, and her success will be easily acquired. Her spirits, and her health will promptly respond to the elixir of her interesting labors. Life will be full of new and surprising interests and it will be well worth the effort expended. Sleep will be more refreshing, she will not be troubled with nerves, and her appetite will be a source of profound thankfulness to her. She will radiate a quality of good-fellowship that will be infectious, and her whole philosophy of existence will be charity itself. Surely it is worth while.
Choosing Your Friends.—The young wife should choose her friends with caution. Remember you are beginning a new life in which even trivial matters may exercise an influence that will be bad. One should appreciate the difference between true friendship and indulging in friendly relationship with promiscuous acquaintances. A physician has a better opportunity of observing the conduct of the feminine element of a community than any other person. We have come to divide young wives into two types: those who attend strictly to their own affairs, and those who mostly attend to their neighbors' affairs. It is not too much to say that a young wife's time will be wholly occupied if she has begun her housekeeping career with the intention of becoming a home-maker. She cannot, therefore, afford to waste her time with promiscuous acquaintances.Women who become promiscuous in their friendships have time to waste for a number of reasons,—
1st. Their husband and home is not their whole existence. If success and happiness depend upon how the first year of wedded life is employed, then husband and home should be the young wife's whole existence.
2nd. Women with time to waste have no ideals. Women without ideals are not home-makers. A home-maker cannot acquire any information from a woman who wastes her time in idleness.
3rd. Idleness creates mischief. One who is idle is a mischief maker. An idle brain is looking for amusement, and as the impulses of an idle brain are evil, these women are gossips, and scandal-mongers, and home-breakers.
4th. True friendship demands nothing. Promiscuous friendship on the other hand does demand something, and as these women live in the evil atmosphere, they live mentally on scandal and gossip. This is their mental plane and they give and take nothing higher than that which they understand.
The young wife will, therefore, be wary of this form of friendship. Infinite harm is being done in every community in the country in this way. No home, no person is too sacred for the vituperative tongues of these scandal-mongers. They are densely ignorant though they may be fluent talkers. They ingratiate themselves into the confidence of a willing victim, learn the victim's secrets, and rend her to pieces on the next street corner. Many a man has begun wedded life with the laudable intention of helping to mold his young wife's mentality, of preserving her innocence and purity of thought, only to be undone by the evil machinations of these human derelicts. He will be amazed and astonished at the opinions she gives utterance to, and if he does not find out where she is getting them, and check the desecration going on, she will be beyond his reach in the very near future. No self-respecting woman will tolerate such acquaintances. There are, however, many innocent, pure women, who are innately too gentle to assert themselves by insulting another woman at this stage of their experience,who have the makings of a good wife and mother, who wittingly become victims by reason of their very gentleness, and consequently lose their ideals, and drift into failures.
True friendship is necessary. Many men and women rightly attribute their whole success and happiness to having had the right kind of a friend or friends. Charles Kingsley when asked by Mrs. Browning to tell her the secret of his life, said, "I had a friend," A friendship that is not an inspiration, an incentive to higher thoughts and nobler deeds, is not true. "True friendship demands nothing." It gives. We should cultivate the friendship of those who know more than we do, so that we may learn and profit by the relationship. Some people radiate sympathy and helpfulness and inspiration. Instinctively we can tell those people when we come into their presence. We leave them, not once, but always, with the feeling that there is something about them that energizes and inspires. They draw out our better selves. We are conscious of our shortcomings and faults, and in their company we strive to give utterance to worthy thoughts. We feel capable of great deeds. If we could surround ourselves with these friends, we feel that life would mean more, and that we could accomplish much. "He that walketh with wise men shall be wise." This is where true friendship is valuable. These moments of inspiration help us to pull ourselves together. We climb a little higher; we see further and clearer; we learn the meaning of life's duty; they change the whole complexion of living. The little things, the annoyances, the disappointments, the failures, the pains, the sorrows, the passions, we see in their true perspective and they no longer usurp importance, because we are beginning to learn the significance of the things beyond. The incidents of life are no longer life itself.
One friend, one true friend to the young wife, will indeed be a tower of strength to her. Every young wife needs a friend. The desire for sympathy dwells in every human heart. Even the assiduous person needs encouragement and a little praise. It is wonderful how a mite of laudation will prod us to be more worthy. Evenour joys never intoxicate save in the telling. By sharing our happiness and joys with another we double them. True friendship means confidence, affection, harmony, love. To be in harmony with one person means that we invite the harmony of all mankind.
If man is made in the image of God every human being must be more or less divine. Confidence, affection, harmony, love,—the attributes of true friendship,—are the divine sparks in our humanity. True friendship, therefore, is growth in the divine sense. There are real things in life which we seldom acknowledge but which are, nevertheless, real. We do not often admit the existence of the divine in ourselves, but it is there. If we did acknowledge it oftener we would live nearer the truth, nearer God.
When we read in the public press the story of theTitanicdisaster, how after all the boats had gone, and the ill-fated ship poised, before she took her awful plunge, how the doomed souls stood on her decks and lifted their trembling voices in unison with the brave orchestra to the strain of "Nearer My God to Thee,"—something clutches at our heartstrings, and we find the divine reality trying to come to the surface to express itself in that universal friendship out of which heroes are made. When we stand by the bedside, watching the fitful, final breaths of a well-loved child, or of an old, honored and faithful mother, there creeps into our consciousness feelings with which we are strangers, but they are ours, part of the divinity in us which in the work-a-day-world we stifle and crush. Friendship and no other human quality brings this divine element into our actual life. Those who have never had a friend have never solved the riddle of human nature.
We must remember, however, that there are those whose lives are denials of this divinity. They are incapable of true friendship, and they, in prosperous days, deride the sentiment involved and consider any reference to such matters as silly and mawkish. These blustering heroes, however, are the ones who shriek the loudest when fate places them on sinking decks.
Strive to be worthy of a true friendship. Be willing to give of the best that is in you. We need the inspiration of the divine that is hidden in us, we should not crush or fail to acknowledge the presence of the still, small voice that speaks of love and for love. Remember, that, "By your friends shall ye be known."
AAlcoholic—meaning decidedly intemperate, a drunkard.BBlindIInsaneSySyphiliticCCriminalisticMMigrainousSxSexually immoralDDeafNeu.NeuroticTTuberculosisEEpilepticPar.ParalyticWWanderer, trampGGoitre
The above chart illustrates the first great law of hereditary feeble-mindedness; that if both parents are blighted all offsprings will be blighted. The family represented is plainly very low grade. It is one of that kind found in every community, growing like rank weeds to menace society. It is small wonder that with production like this permitted criminality springs full-fledged into the world.
This chart is particularly interesting, showing as it does the marriage of a normal man with, first a normal woman, and subsequently with feeble-minded women. The taint of the feeble mind is inevitable. Whereas the grandchildren by his second marriage appear normal there is always the danger of their progeny being blighted by the taint that is in their blood. The horror of the third marriage is too evident.
[A]"Feeble-mindedness; Its Causes and Consequences," Goddard, The Macmillan Company.
[A]"Feeble-mindedness; Its Causes and Consequences," Goddard, The Macmillan Company.
Making Resolves.—In a preceding chapter I remarked, that every human thought, deed, act, prayer, etc., must conform to certain laws, if by their use we desired to achieve results. We know this is true, but we do not always obey the rule, and in the end we wonder why we are failures.
Psychology has formulated laws, based upon actual experiment, regulating every department of mental endeavor, or every branch of systematized mental achievement. These laws show that there are fixed rules, by which mental effort is regulated, systematized and classified, and that the human mind conforms to these laws even when working in ignorance of them. No matter how we may deduce facts, or reason from analogy, we obey fundamental principles.
In a recent magazine article I read the following:
"This is my own story of why and how I rose, fell and rose again. It would not be told but for the fact that I have learned by an Experience mixed with some bitterness, that all such things are governed by fixed business laws and rules and move always in obedience to them. There is as I know, a law of failure and a law of success. There is even a law of mediocrity. Every man is controlled by that one of these three laws which he elects to invoke and to follow.""The laws themselves are fixed and unchanging; man is the only variable unit in the equation. He succeeds, he fails or he slumps into mediocrity according to the law with which he voluntarily or by predisposition puts himself in harmony. This is my belief, based on my own adventures with these laws and my observation of other men who have dined and lived with them on intimate, though not always friendly, terms."
"This is my own story of why and how I rose, fell and rose again. It would not be told but for the fact that I have learned by an Experience mixed with some bitterness, that all such things are governed by fixed business laws and rules and move always in obedience to them. There is as I know, a law of failure and a law of success. There is even a law of mediocrity. Every man is controlled by that one of these three laws which he elects to invoke and to follow."
"The laws themselves are fixed and unchanging; man is the only variable unit in the equation. He succeeds, he fails or he slumps into mediocrity according to the law with which he voluntarily or by predisposition puts himself in harmony. This is my belief, based on my own adventures with these laws and my observation of other men who have dined and lived with them on intimate, though not always friendly, terms."
This was written by a successful business man in an article reviewing the "ups and downs" of his business experiences. It does one good to read such confessions. To the thinking individual it suggests the need of serious, whole-souled, conscientious effort. If these laws exist,—as they most certainly do,—what is the use of trying toachieve results in a wrong way? Why not conform to these laws and concentrate our effort in the right direction? A prodigious amount of energy is wasted in efforts to beat the game. One may scheme and contrive until all ambition withers and hope fades, but no one will ever find a satisfactory substitute for hard work. Many lives have been frittered away in the foolish attempt to find the "easy road." It is doing the little things of life conscientiously that counts. The humble hen does one thing well. She lays eggs to the extent of three hundred million dollars per year, in this country alone. If we combine her egg yield with her chicken industry we find her harvest yields the enormous sum of six hundred and twenty million dollars per year.
We are precisely what we deserve to be: we fit for what we are fitted for. Weaklings are sent to the rear, fighters are always in front.
The young wife may resolve to win; it depends upon how she begins to mold herself for larger possibilities. If she cannot succeed in small things she will not fit when the task is bigger. Suppose you resolve to be considerate and agreeable to every soul you meet for one month. For one month you will subject yourself to a rigid test, you will be considerate and agreeable, no matter what the conditions are or the provocation may be to break your word.
It is a fact that most failures are directly attributable to laziness rather than to lack of ability or poor health, or any other cause. It is the most difficult thing in the world for some people to exert themselves to "make the effort" to succeed. They just do enough to "hold their job" or to earn a living, though the possibilities around them are rich in promise. Many know what they ought to do, but they don't seem to be able to do it. Their ambition is lacking; they elect to travel the road to failure.
If the young wife resolves to be considerate and agreeable for one month, she is the right kind of young wife. The right impulse is working within her. The very fact that she makes the resolve proves this. Most people are influenced by two motives, necessity and pleasure. Theywork because they have to work to exist. But a great deal of the work is indifferently done. The woman who skims over her household duties in a disinterested and frequently slovenly way, will spend much thought and a great amount of time to excel in appearance and in attaining results at a church fair, for example; or she will work assiduously sewing every afternoon and evening on dresses, etc., to shine during a two weeks' vacation at the sea shore, while her husband is being indifferently fed and her home all but neglected. To attain pleasure one will actually work efficiently though the method and the motive may be ethically wrong. So, when a young wife actually resolves to do something which has a high moral significance and which she is not compelled to do she is being actuated by the right kind of principle, she is following the law or instinct of success.
The Formula of Success.—Successful men and women are frequently asked to give their formula of success. There is no formula of success except hard work. Every successful man or woman is a hard worker. There is no exception to this rule. We often personally know of men or women who "rise in the world" and sometimes we look upon them as lucky dogs, and wonder why fortune does not favor us. If we analyze the daily life of these seemingly lucky individuals we will find that they plan and work and scheme while you and I play and amuse ourselves. They have a certain system which they adhere to under all circumstances. They have worked hard so long that it has become a habit,—a habit that brings happiness and success. All of them have had their ups and downs, their worries and battles, but they have faced them in the front ranks, they have never become discouraged, they have been inspired and impelled by the conviction that some day the tide of battle would change. On that day they were determined to be ready and willing to take advantage of the turn of the wheel of fortune.
Study the work of the next successful man or woman you meet, and see if the rule does not hold true. It isn't the kind of energy that is generated that makes the distinction between success and failure: it is the way inwhich the energy is used. To win means concentration of energy; let the energy be dissipated over many things and failure becomes a certainty. There isn't a really successful man or woman in existence who does not deserve success, and who has not worked hard for it.
Success, fame, and the efforts of friends may not give us the happiness which we yearn for, but there is one thing that will always steer us safely into port—one thing that will bring us the blessing of happiness though all things else fail us—and that is hard work.
When Fortune Knocks.—Fortune is said to knock at the door of every man once in a lifetime. That once is all the time, for the truth is that fortune is knocking at our doors every day. The trouble is that we are not prepared to take advantage of her importuning habits. Fortune has her laws, and we cannot enter her chariot except by obeying these laws. The young wife who resolves to be considerate and agreeable for one month is obeying one of her laws, because, if she keeps her promise, she will have learnt more than she ever did in any preceding month of her experience. She will find, for example, that people are really more amiable and agreeable than she ever thought they were; that, because of the restraint she is exerting on her temper and self-control, she is growing stronger temperamentally. She has more patience, and she is more thorough in little things; her environment is enlarging and life is more interesting. The month's experience will teach her something of her own capabilities and resources, and she will be so interested and encouraged that she will determine to experiment more and in other directions. She is experiencing the psychology of character building—the most fascinating study of that most fascinating riddle, human nature. Fortune always favors the brave—it will favor her because she is working in the right direction—she is obeying the law of success.
To resolve is to obey—to know what you want, to desire to succeed, to be willing to sacrifice self, to attain results, to smile at adversity, to be patient, truthful, honest, unselfish, sympathetic, in short to work hard every minute and all the time.
"Habit is a cable: we weave a thread of it each day, and it becomes so strong we cannot break it."
"Habit is a cable: we weave a thread of it each day, and it becomes so strong we cannot break it."
Horace Mann.
The Study Habit—The Germ of Self-culture—Millions of Tiny Cells in Our Brain—The Economic Value of the Study Habit—Two Ways of Gaining Knowledge—Happiness in the Company of Those Striving for Higher Ideals—A Young Wife's Incentive to Self-culture—The Difference Between Moral and Mental Disloyalty—The Study Habit Creates Its Own Interest—Nosophobia, or the Dread of Disease—Keep Still and Be Well.
The Study Habit—The Germ of Self-culture—Millions of Tiny Cells in Our Brain—The Economic Value of the Study Habit—Two Ways of Gaining Knowledge—Happiness in the Company of Those Striving for Higher Ideals—A Young Wife's Incentive to Self-culture—The Difference Between Moral and Mental Disloyalty—The Study Habit Creates Its Own Interest—Nosophobia, or the Dread of Disease—Keep Still and Be Well.
The Study Habit.—Every individual differs from every other individual according to his habits. The nature of our habits fixes our status in the struggle of life. If we get into the habit of thinking evil thoughts, we live in that atmosphere. Health is a habit, so also is success. Honesty, virtue, vice, procrastination, contentment, fault-finding, grumbling, candy eating, gossiping, drinking, sleeping, religion, friends, life itself, are habits. Life is what we make it. "As the man thinketh in his heart, so he is." Some habits are good, others are bad. Certain habits are constructive, others are destructive. If we get into the habit of doing our work thoroughly and regularly, according to some definite system, we encourage the habits of contentment, calmness, efficiency, and happiness. If we do our work spasmodically, irregularly, without system, if we gossip between times, we are eternally trying to catch up, so we encourage the habits of procrastination, discontent, inefficiency, fault-finding, and failure. We must be master or victim of our habits. We must succeed, or we must fail. The immutable law of life permits of no standing still. We are either progressing or we are retrogressing. One of the best habits, if not the very best, that the young wifecan cultivate in her new home is the study habit. It is eminently a constructive habit.
The germ of self-culture is latent in every healthy mind. It is an exceedingly virile microbe. It may begin as a fad but intrinsically it grows as a virtue. Environment may give it birth but its roots may not be circumscribed. They seek nourishment from every far and near spring and well, and its branches spread out to the north and south, and east and west, and its leaves suck into its heart, health and strength and color and fragrance, from the everlasting sun.
In our brain are millions of tiny cells. Each cell is capable of a single thought. When we begin as children, we learn letters first, then words, then sentences or thoughts. In due time we have a sufficient number of cells, each with its photographed letter or word or thought. From this stock we reason and think and plan. These are the letters and words and thoughts of ordinary life. We have millions of cells left, and the brain is a tireless, ceaseless worker. If we keep on feeding it more letters, more words, more thoughts, it is satisfied, but if we stop, if we stagnate, it keeps on working, but it can only use the words and thoughts we have given it. Ceaselessly it rearranges these words in its effort to live. We are feeding it nothing, its circulation becomes poor, its vitality weak. Some day it arranges its limited number of words into a new thought, a bad thought, our idle mind grasps the significance of the new thought, and we give birth to a new piece of scandal, or we commit a crime. The brain is pleased, because the execution of the new bad impulse brought more blood, more vitality to it, and it gets the habit of thinking bad thoughts and conveying evil impulses. They were the product of idleness of mind. And as a matter of statistical fact, all tragedies, crimes, vices, scandal, gossip and misery are direct products of mental inertness or idleness.
The minds of the grumbler, the gossip, the thief, the criminal, are poor, empty, starved, wayward minds, and their brains are small, poorly nourished, sickly brains. The young wife with a moment of leisure who has a starved, empty mind, is a victim of her passions, hersurroundings and her ungoverned impulses. The young wife whose brain is being fed by the study habit, is self-contained, is master of her impulses and her passions. The mental latitude of one is limited to caprice, envy, discontent, hate and jealousy; the other is light-hearted, charitable, just, contented, and happy.
Shut the two in a dungeon and the owner of the starved, empty brain will go mad. The other will find hope in her heart, and in her brain, the children of her thoughts will troop in, bringing solace and cheer and courage.
From a practical standpoint the study habit has an economic value. It preserves health and peace of mind, it enhances efficiency, it broadens our sympathies and charities, and it unifies the home circle. It is an easy habit to acquire, and it sustains its interest: it is inexpensive. The Carnegie libraries, correspondence schools, the university extension plan of lectures, etc., contribute in a large measure to its easy acquirement, and to the success with which it may be pursued.
Two Ways of Gaining Knowledge.—We gain knowledge in two ways. First, by experience, which means mingling with people, exchanging ideas, discussing topics, listening to lectures, sermons, talks, etc. Second, by reading and studying. We must read and study in order to really understand and assimilate what we learn from experience, and what we hear discussed in lectures, sermons and talks. As soon as we become interested in a study we begin to rise above what we may call the everyday plane. We desire to know more, and when we know a good deal about one subject, we want to know something about kindred subjects, so we extend the latitude of our knowledge. It is marvelous how the habit grows. It is not work, it is pleasure. We long for spare moments to renew the study, and as we experience the pleasure the growth of our mind affords, we improve in all directions. Every cell in the brain sends out vibrant impulses, new life, new hope. Health means more, life has a meaning. We find happiness in the company of those who are striving for higher ideals. We perform even our menial tasks with more care andwith more interest, because we grasp their true meaning, and we know that we cannot aspire to higher ideals if we are dishonest in little things. So the study habit makes better men and better women of us, and it adds to the pleasure of life all the real pleasure there is in living. The power to analyze, to conceive, and to create are the highest pleasures mankind possesses, and they can only be attained in any degree by education and cultivation.
It is not easy to explain to the average superficially educated person the satisfaction to be derived from original or creative thinking. One must progress far enough in mental self-culture before it becomes a pleasure, almost an intoxication. Up to a certain point the acquirement of knowledge is a task, an effort, a seeming self-sacrifice; beyond that point it is a labor of love, a pleasure, a consecration. The crude, discordant efforts of a child, when it first begins to acquire a musical education, very convincingly illustrates the condition of mind of the beginner in self-culture. The task is a toil and the results do not stimulate further spontaneous effort. The same child, however, may successfully pass through the various gradations of a musical career and arrive at a time when effort will submerge itself; when the result of the knowledge acquired will be so gratifying that it will no longer be a toil; when the study will be pursued because of the actual pleasure it affords.
The only worthwhile thing in life is mind. If one does not develop the mind, it is possible to live an entire lifetime and not really live at all. To exist is not to live. All the amenities of life contribute to existence, not to life itself. To live is to create, to give, to endow.
If a book contains one original thought, it will live. Few books contain more than one thought, one inspiration. If it, however, suffuses that one thought into the hearts of men its existence will have been justified. We have no criterion or standard by which to judge the ethical value of a thought. If a thought conveys an inspiration to another and is productive of moral growth it has life and value because it creates.
To exist is to blindly follow the primal instincts. Tolive is to think, to reason, to grow mentally. Consequently we must have ideals, we must cling tenaciously to these ideals, and, "We must know what we want."
The Young Wife's Incentive to Self-Culture.—A young wife has a real incentive to self-culture if she hopes to maintain her position in the home and in the affection of her husband. A man has always the advantage of being actively engaged in one of the two ways of acquiring knowledge. He mingles with people. He gains considerable knowledge and frequently cultivation unwittingly. He grows with his business, and as it increases he becomes more important in the community. He mingles with keener, wide-awake business men, his wits are sharpened, his brain must be alert and virile. A healthy active brain grows, it is responsive, it absorbs knowledge. As he climbs higher, he wears off the crude corners and assumes a worldly cultivation, which men of sound business sense can adapt to suit any social exigency. The wife does not have these advantages, and, unless she appreciates this point, she is very apt to remain where she was when she married, so far as mental culture is concerned. Now to be wife in a true sense, she must be companion. She must keep pace with his prosperity on the one hand and with his intelligence on the other. The more culture and knowledge a man attains the more critical he becomes, the more cultivated his tastes, the more cultivation he demands. Qualities that did not always grate upon his sensibilities become acutely objectionable in his higher mental state. A man may be loyal at heart, but he resents the inaptitude of a wife who fails to keep the mental pace. He is willing to give his wife the benefits of his material prosperity, but he cannot give her the finer evidences of his higher mentality, because, while she may have proved true as a wife, she failed as a companion. She fell behind in culture. He cannot give that which she cannot receive. The young wife should appreciate the difference between moral disloyalty on the part of her husband, and mental disloyalty. He is the transgressor in the first, and she is the culprit in the second delinquency. We must meet a situation as it exists. Moralizingdoes not change the conditions. A man and woman may be temperamentally suited to each other to-day, and in a few years may be wholly dissimilar in tastes. If being a wife simply implied more loyalty and domestic efficiency there could be no just cause for complaint if she failed in every other respect, but it does not. To be a wife more than in name, one must be friend, companion, confidant. No one, much less a husband, selects as a friend, companion, and confidant, an individual whose tastes are not in sympathy with his own, who does not understand the viewpoint, one in whom he cannot confide, or one whose intelligence is crude. A man can obtain a housekeeper anywhere, but he cannot buy a home-maker, a companion, a friend, or a confidant.
The study habit will create the interest. If you once get it, only death can take it from you. If you become interested, no man can grow away from you, and no man can take from you the worlds it will open up. You must, however, begin the study habit with the determination to acquire knowledge. You must want intensely to succeed, and you must be willing to sacrifice self, and to work diligently. "If you quit, it simply shows you did not want an education, you only thought you did,—you are not willing to pay the price."
Nosophobia, or the Dread of Disease.—There is one disease I would warn the young wife not to acquire. It is called nosophobia. It is without doubt the most serious sickness with which any member of the human family may be afflicted.
In another part of this book I have written the story of the aged philosopher, who, on being asked to name the worst troubles he had in life, answered, "I am quite sure my greatest worries, and my worst troubles were those that never happened." This reply is well worth thinking about; it contains matter for serious reflection, and what makes it so suggestive and valuable is that it can be proved true by the experience of our own lives.
Nosophobia means dread of disease. It may astonish many to know that such a condition is regarded as a disease, and that it has been given a name. Instead, however,of it being a rare disease, or an unusual condition, we find it is one of the commonest diseases, and one of the most easily acquired conditions. In fact, it is so easily acquired nowadays that we have to be constantly on guard against it. Though we may not be its victim, we have all felt its influence at some time, and even one experience of it is sufficient to satisfy the most exacting. It is an absolute medical fact, that the dread of disease will render one more profoundly miserable and unhappy, and will cause more mental and physical incompetents than will any severe, prolonged, actual sickness. People who are victims of nosophobia are probably the most miserable and wretched individuals on earth. This is essentially so because of the peculiar characteristics of the disease. It is an insinuating and insidious ailment and its progress is cumulative. When we begin to worry about our health the germ of nosophobia takes up its habitation in our midst and we never know another happy moment.
The dread of disease is probably more common now than it used to be, partly because people know more about it, and, therefore, have more material out of which to manufacture dreads, and partly because a large number of people have the leisure to worry about various symptoms and sensations that come to them, and the significance of which they exaggerate by dwelling on them until they become positive torments. It is particularly those who have not much to do, and, above all, those who have absolutely nothing to do who suffer most from the affection. Children never suffer from this malady because pains and aches have no significance to them. The probability of death through sickness never bothers them. Their minds are always occupied. They are always busy, they think only of life and of living. As we grow older, however, we become introspective and we permit conditions to favor the development of a wrong mental attitude. We accentuate the seriousness of each trifling pain and illness, and the specter of death looms up in the path of each ailment. Soon we spend needless time in worry and we imagine we are not as healthy as we ought to be and that we may probably die in the near future. This affects our temperament and our efficiency. Life is nolonger tolerable or attractive, and we shortly are numbered with the failures and the incompetents.
One of the unfortunate consequences of nosophobia is that a victim of it not only renders her own life miserable, but she unfortunately affects the happiness of every member of the household. She is as a rule gloomy and morose, and this constant depressive environment is not conducive to the success of any effort toward creating moments of amusement and happiness. Her presence acts as a deterrent and repeated failures to overcome this domestic cloud finally result in a complete cessation of all effort. Things fall into a rut and each member of the family seek their various forms of diversion outside the home circle.
These individuals are sometimes spoken of as "trouble seekers." In a sense, the term is appropriate, because the troubles which wreck their peace of mind never occur. In the beginning there is usually some slight physical ailment. As a rule, it is some form of nervous indigestion. Under appropriate and adequate treatment such forms of indigestion are readily curable in ordinary individuals, but these patients are not ordinary individuals. They are perverse and opinionated. They have their own ideas. It is impossible to convince them that they are not as sick as they imagine. They think the physician fails to quite comprehend their cases,—that he does not recognize the serious side of the ailment, and so they are never wholly satisfied with medical assistance. The little incidental pains of the indigestion are indications of heart disease to such a patient and she acts in sympathy with this awful affliction; the real explanation being that the gas produced by the indigestion bothers the heart for the time being. She is very apt to diet as a consequence, one article after another being avoided until she is living on a starvation diet. She fails to appreciate the fact that she needs more nourishment, not less; that her stomach is in good condition, the fault being with her nerves. She finally becomes anemic and neurasthenic and a misanthrope.
The young wife can readily appreciate that, to expect domestic success and happiness under such circumstances, would be impossible. Yet there are young wives who developthis habit of accentuating their little pains and ailments inordinately, to their husbands, on every occasion. They adopt this dangerous means of exciting extra sympathy and caressing. Some do it in explanation of their failure to perform their household duties efficiently—a laziness plea pure and simple.
These inefficient and tricky little ladies find that it is easy to impose upon their unsuspecting husbands, so they proceed to work out the details to their own satisfaction. After spending the day sight-seeing or shopping or gossiping, and having neglected their work and feeling tired, they assume a becomingly abandoned position on the big, new, comfortable couch, practice a few heartbreaking sighs and experiment with the tear supply. These details are arranged and timed to be effective just as Jack opens the hall door with the latchkey. We can picture what follows without making any effort to dramatize the incident. But if the reader will try to create mental pictures of the frequently recurring home-comings under the same circumstances, she will develop interesting studies in domestic psychology as she watches the effect upon Jack when the truth begins to dawn upon him.
It needs no oracle to assure these women that they are traveling along a road that has only one ending. Love is as old as the hills, and the older it gets, like the wise old hills, a wiser old love it becomes. It exacts its price, and its price is an equal love. There never was a love born—except maternal love—that will sustain itself after the knowledge dawns upon it that it is being bartered away and imposed upon. The day of reckoning comes in time and the dream is over.
Do not forget that the first year of married life is the trial year—the real test of your soul-merit. During that first year you carve, as it were, on a monument, in a thousand different ways, the ineffaceable record of whether you deserve success and happiness in the struggle of life. In what should be the after-glow of love's young dream—the first precious weeks and months as a young wife—no element will be more subtly dangerous than the art of duplicity. Before a young wife determines to practice deception she should fully appreciatethe inevitable consequences. If, under the mistaken idea that she can easily deceive her husband, because "he trusts me so," she believes she may continue to do so with impunity, she is the most elementary of all silly little fools. She has failed to observe that the great law of the universe acts in the interest of the rich and poor, the fool and the philosopher alike. She will become too clever and like all fools and criminals she will give herself away. She will wake up to find that she has been playing with the sacred things of earth—home and a husband's love; that, never again can she reëstablish the affection and confidence which she has trampled upon and defiled; that the future is a mortgaged hope and she herself an unclean and unworthy thing.
Practicing the art of duplicity in simulating physical ailments will, if persisted in, establish nosophobia. The patient will come to believe that she is not exactly well. She will establish the habit of feeling sick. This will render her mind diseased and the diseased mind will in turn suggest new and additional aches and pains, and she will soon not know whether she is sick or well. The dread of disease will effect its retribution and soon she will be, in fact, an unhappy and an unsuccessful young wife.
Modern conditions unfortunately favor the easy development of nosophobia in young wives. Our larger knowledge of the symptoms of diseased conditions tends to render the analysis of localized pain more definitely and more suggestively. Certain pains, we are told by hearsay busybodies, mean certain serious conditions, and the category of these diseases extends from indigestion to consumption and to cancer. To the victim of nosophobia this suggestive knowledge is a constant terror and an ever present nightmare. To the normal healthy mind they mean nothing and suggest less.
The modern young housewife has a superabundance of spare time. The utilization of the young wife's spare time is of the most momentous importance as we have previously pointed out. It is the one commodity which will speak in the after years in words of solace and cheer or in regret and condemnation—according to how theseprecious moments are spent. If these moments are not spent in a way best fitted to wholly occupy the mind, the mental attitude—to which we previously referred, and which is conducive to the cultivation of nosophobia—will have been developed.
There are certain kindred conditions that may partly explain, to the ordinary healthy person, the real distress of mind into which these self-centered sufferers sink. The fear of a thunder storm, for example, creates profound dread and distress of mind in some people. The dread of dirt, of sharp instruments, of certain insects and animals, of darkness, of an ocean voyage, and of great heights, are common examples of this type of mind-distress of which the characteristic symptom is an inexplicable and uncontrollable dread. The same system of self-discipline and self-control is necessary to effect a cure of these various forms of mind-distress as is necessary in the successful treatment of dread of disease. To none of these other forms, however, is attached the same degree of seriousness by the laity as they attach unjustly to nosophobia. The conditions are all the same, but they reason that the dread of darkness or dirt or mice or height cannot possibly bring death or seriously affect the health or happiness, while sickness and the dread of it, means—so they imagine—pain and maybe death. Medically, nosophobia has no such significance. The condition exists only in the mind and the same effort at self-discipline will cure the dread of disease as well as the dread of any other possible condition. It is this element of mind, however, that lends itself to the cure of this condition by other means than legitimate medical advice and so we have had "healers" and "miracle workers" who have sprung up from time to time in the history of the world, who have cleverly taken advantage of this element in human nature, and reaped a rich reward.
"Keep Still and be Well."—To instruct the young wife how she may guard against acquiring this habit, we would suggest that she "keep still and be well."
When the world appreciates better the psychology of thought, its tremendous significance will have a concrete meaning. We are too apt to regard the thought wegive utterance to as a meaningless thing, so far as its influence is concerned. The woman who harps upon her ailments, who appears at the breakfast table with a depressed and melancholy visage, who regales us with an account of how poorly she slept, the nightmares she experienced, the pain she suffers, and who puts into her inflection the poison of self-pity is an emissary of Satan. I have seen a whole family's happiness for the day destroyed by the meaningless ranting of a hysterical woman. Life is hard enough for all, for each of us to at least wish each other well.
The individual who cultivates the habit of carrying sunshine and good cheer to the breakfast table belongs to the sort of folk who help and inspire the whole world to a greater achievement. If one is sent away each morning from home with a cheery word and a radiant good-by he is inspired with the virtue of success and his efficiency is ensured.
Cultivate the art of contentment and remember that relationship does not imply liberty; you have no right to send out into the world a member of your family depressed and miserable because of your irritability and evil habits.
"Keep still and be well." If you cannot say a good word about a fellow-being, say none at all. Don't become a scandal-monger. We can forgive those who talk evil about us—they talk to hear themselves talk. The gossip germ is born of ignorance and vacuity and breeds best in idle minds. No one is influenced by the vaporings of a gossip, her words die in empty air. She injures herself only. The loquacious pest who brings to us the tales which the scandal-monger manufactures is the one who robs us of our peace and is unforgivable. To dignify the malicious intentions and idle nothings of an evil mind by carrying them further is an expression of degeneracy that is urgently in need of active disinfection. To vilify another is foolish; to repeat it, is the function of a rogue. Your friends bring you the glad tidings of the good things that are said about you: your enemies are those who, in the holy name of friendship, bring to you the poison of evil gossip. "Keep still and be well."