February 6.

Browne Willis, Esq. LL.D.A Doctor inAntiquitywas he,And Tyson lined his head, as now you see.Kind, good “collector!” why “collect” that storm?No rude attempt is made to mar his form;Noalteration’s aim’d at here—for, thoughThe artist’s touch has help’d to make it show,The meagre contour only is supplied—Is it improved?—compare, and then decide.Had Tyson, “from the life,” Browne Willis sketch’d,And left him, like old JacobButler,[53]etch’d,This essay had not been, to better traceThe only likeness of an honour’d face.*

Browne Willis, Esq. LL.D.

A Doctor inAntiquitywas he,And Tyson lined his head, as now you see.Kind, good “collector!” why “collect” that storm?No rude attempt is made to mar his form;Noalteration’s aim’d at here—for, thoughThe artist’s touch has help’d to make it show,The meagre contour only is supplied—Is it improved?—compare, and then decide.Had Tyson, “from the life,” Browne Willis sketch’d,And left him, like old JacobButler,[53]etch’d,This essay had not been, to better traceThe only likeness of an honour’d face.*

The presentengraving, however unwinning its aspect as to drawing, is, in other respects, an improvement of the late Mr. Michael Tyson’s etching from a picture painted by Dahl. There is no other portrait of “the great original” published.

On the 5th of February, 1760, Dr. Browne Willis died at Whaddon hall, in the county of Bucks, aged 78; he was born at St. Mary Blandford, in the county of Dorset, on the 14th of September, 1682. He was unexcelled in eagerness of inquiry concerning our national antiquities, and his life was devoted to their study and arrangement. Some interesting particulars concerning the published labours and domestic habits of this distinguished individual, will be given in a subsequent sheet, with one of his letters, not before printed, accompanied by a fac-simile of his handwriting.

Mean Temperature 39·20.

[53]See “Every-Day Book,” vol. i. p. 1303.

Collop Monday.See vol. i. p. 241.

At this time, Dr. Forster says that people should guard against colds, and, above all, against the contagion of typhus and other fevers, which are apt to prevail in the early spring. “Smoking tobacco,” he observes, “is a very salutary practice in general, as well as being a preventive against infection in particular. The German pipes are the best, and get better as they are used, particularly those made of merschaum, calledEcume de Mer. Next to these, the Turkey pipes, with long tubes, are to be recommended; but these are fitter for summer smoking, under the shade of trees, than for the fireside. The best tobacco is the Turkey, the Persian, and what is called Dutch canaster. Smoking is a custom which should be recommended in the close cottages of the poor, and in great populous towns liable to contagion.”

The Rule of Health.Rise early, and, take exercise in plenty,But always take it with your stomach empty.After your meals sit still and rest awhile,And with your pipe a careless hour beguile.To rise at light or five, breakfast at nine,Lounge till eleven, and at five to dine,To drink and smoke till seven, the time of tea,And then to dance or walk two hours awayTill ten o’clock,—good hour to go to nest,Till the next cock shall wake you from your rest.

The Rule of Health.

Rise early, and, take exercise in plenty,But always take it with your stomach empty.After your meals sit still and rest awhile,And with your pipe a careless hour beguile.To rise at light or five, breakfast at nine,Lounge till eleven, and at five to dine,To drink and smoke till seven, the time of tea,And then to dance or walk two hours awayTill ten o’clock,—good hour to go to nest,Till the next cock shall wake you from your rest.

On the virtues of tobacco its users enhance with mighty eloquence, and puff it bravely.

In praise of Tobacco.Much food doth gluttony procure to feed men fat like swine,But he’s a frugal man indeed who on a leaf can dine.He needs no napkin for his hands, his finger ends to wipe,Who has his kitchen in a box, his roast-meat in a pipe.

In praise of Tobacco.

Much food doth gluttony procure to feed men fat like swine,But he’s a frugal man indeed who on a leaf can dine.He needs no napkin for his hands, his finger ends to wipe,Who has his kitchen in a box, his roast-meat in a pipe.

Much food doth gluttony procure to feed men fat like swine,But he’s a frugal man indeed who on a leaf can dine.

He needs no napkin for his hands, his finger ends to wipe,Who has his kitchen in a box, his roast-meat in a pipe.

Mean Temperature 39·47.

Several of the customs and sports of this day are related in vol i. p. 242-261. It is the lastmeatday permitted by the papacy before Lent, which commences to-morrow, and therefore in former times, full advantage was taken of the expiring opportunity to feast and make merry. Selden observes, “that what the church debars us one day, she gives us leave to eat another—first, there is a carnival, and then a Lent.” This period is also recorded in the homely rhymes of Barnaby Googe.

Shrove-tide.Now when at length the pleasant time of Shrove-tide comes in place,And cruell fasting dayes at hand approach with solemne grace.Then olde and yong are both as mad, as ghestes of Bacchus’ feast,And foure dayes long they tipple square, and feede and never reast.Downe goes the hogges in every place, and puddings every wheareDo swarme: the dice are shakte and tost, and cardes apace they teare:In every house are showtes and cryes, and mirth, and revell route,And daintie tables spred, and all be set with ghestes aboute:With sundrie playes and Christmasse games, and feare and shame away,The tongue is set at libertie, and hath no kinde of stay.Naogeorgus.

Shrove-tide.

Now when at length the pleasant time of Shrove-tide comes in place,And cruell fasting dayes at hand approach with solemne grace.Then olde and yong are both as mad, as ghestes of Bacchus’ feast,And foure dayes long they tipple square, and feede and never reast.Downe goes the hogges in every place, and puddings every wheareDo swarme: the dice are shakte and tost, and cardes apace they teare:In every house are showtes and cryes, and mirth, and revell route,And daintie tables spred, and all be set with ghestes aboute:With sundrie playes and Christmasse games, and feare and shame away,The tongue is set at libertie, and hath no kinde of stay.

Naogeorgus.

February 7, 1677, about one in the morning, the lord chancellor Finch’s mace was stolen out of his house in Queen-street; the seal laid under his pillow, so the thief missed it. The famous thief that did it was Thomas Sadler, he was soon after taken, and hanged for it at Tyburn on the 16th ofMarch.[54]

Mean Temperature 37·37.

[54]Life of Ant. a Wood.

1826.—Ash Wednesday,

To the particulars concerning this day, and theashes, (in vol. i. p. 261,) is to be added, that theashes, made of the branches of brushwood, properly cleansed, sifted, and consecrated, were worn four times a year, as at the beginning of Lent; and that on this day the people were excluded from church, husbands and wives parted bed, and the penitents wore sackcloth andashes.[55]

According to the Benedictine rule, onAsh Wednesday, after sext, the monks were to return to the cloister to converse; but, at the ringing of a bell, be instantly silent. They were to unshoe themselves, wash their hands, and go to church, and make one common prayer. Then was to follow a religious service; after which the priest, having consecrated the ashes, and sprinkled holy water on them, was to throw them on the heads of the monks, saying, “Remember that you are but dust, and to dust must return.” Then “the procession” was tofollow.[56]

In former times, on the evening of Ash Wednesday, boys used to run about with firebrands andtorches.[57]

These follow, in due course, after Hilary Term, which is within a week of its expiration. The importance of assize and sessions business is frequently interrupted by cases not more serious than

Edward Long, esq., late judge of the admiralty court of Jamaica, wrote and published this“Trial,”[58]which is now scarce, and here somewhat abridged from the original without other alteration.

He commences his reportthus:—

County of SEX-GOTHAM, ss.}

County of SEX-GOTHAM, ss.

}

At a High Court of Oyer and Terminer and Gaol-Delivery, holden this — day of —— 1771, atGotham-Hall.

Present:

The WorshipfulJ. Bottle, Esq.}President.

The WorshipfulJ. Bottle, Esq.

}President.

A. Noodle,Mat o’ the Mill,Osmyn Ponser,}Esqs.,Just-assesand Associates.

A. Noodle,Mat o’ the Mill,Osmyn Ponser,

}Esqs.,Just-assesand Associates.

Game-actPlaintiffversusPorterDefendant.

The Court being met, the indictment was read, which we omit, for sake of brevity.

Court.Prisoner, hold up your paw at the bar.

First Counsel.He is sullen, and refuses.

Court.Is he so? Why then let the constable hold it up,nolens volens.

[Which was done, according to order.]

Court.What is the prisoner’s name?

Constable.P-P-Po-rt-er, an’t please your worship.

Court.What does the fellow say?

Constable.Porter!an’t please you;Porter!

Mat.He says Porter. It’s the name of a liquor the Londonkennel[59]much delight in.

Ponser.Ay, ’tis so; and I remember another namesake of his. I was hand in glove with him, I’ll tell you a droll story abouthim—

Court.Hush, brother.Culprit, how will you be tried?

Counsel for the Prosecution.Please your worship, he won’t say a word.Stat mutus—as mute as a fish.

dog on trial

Court.How?—what?—won’t the dog speak? Won’t he do what the court bids him? What’s to be done? Is the dignity of this court to be trifled with in such a manner?

Counsel for Pros.Please your worships—it is provided by the statute in these cases, that when a culprit is stubborn, and refuses to plead, he is to be made to plead whether he will or no.

Court.Ay? How’s that, pray?

Counsel for Pros.Why, the statute says—that he must first of all bethumb-screwed—

Court.Very good.

Counsel for Pros.Ifthatwill not do, he must be laid flat on his back, and squeezed, like a cheese in a press, with heavy weights.

Court.Very well. And what then?

Counsel for Pros.What then? Why, when all the breath is squeezed out of his body, if he should still continue dumb, which sometimes has been the case, he generally dies for want of breath.

Court.Very likely.

Counsel for Pros.And thereby saves the court a great deal of trouble; and the nation, the expense of a halter.

Court.Well, then, since the land stands thus—constable, twist a cord about theculprit’s—

Counsel for Pros.Fore-paws.

Constable.Fourpaws? Why he has but two.

Court.Fore-paws, or fore-feet, blockhead! and strain it as tight as you can, ’till you make him open his mouth.

[The constable attempted to enforce the order, but in drawing a little too hard, received a severe bite.]

Constable.’Sblood and suet!He has snapped off a piece of my nose.

Court.Mr. Constable, you are within the statute of swearing, and owe the court one shilling.

Constable.Zounds and death!your worships! I could not help it for the blood o’ me.

Court.Now you owe us two shillings.

Constable.That’s a d——d bad plaster, your worships, for a sore nose!

Court.That being buthalfan oath, the whole fine amounts to two shillings and sixpence, or a half-crown bowl. So, without going further, if you are afraid of his teeth, apply this pair ofnut-crackersto his tail.

Constable.I shall, your worships.

[He had better success with the tail, as will now appear.]

Prisoner.Bow, wow, wow, ow, wow!

Court.Hold! Enough. That will do.

It was now held that though the prisoner expressed himself in a strange language, yet, as he could speak no other, and as the law can not only makedogsto speak, but explain their meaning too, so the law understood and inferred that the prisoner pleadednot guilty, and put himself upon his trial.Issuetherefore being joined, theCounsel for the Prosecutionproceeded to address the Court; but was stopped by the other side.

Prisoner’s Counsel.I take leave todemurto the jurisdiction of the court. If he is to have a trialper pares, you must either suppose their worships to be hisequals, that is to say,nothisbetters, which would be a great indignity, or else you must have avenirefor a jury oftwelve dogs. I think you are fairly caught in this dilemma.

Counsel for Pros.By no means. It is easily cured. We’ll send the constable with aMandamusto hisGrace’s kennel.

Pris. Counsel.They arefox hounds. Not the same species; therefore not his equals. I do not object to theharriers, nor to atales de circumstantibus.

Counsel for Pros.That’s artful, brother, but it won’t take. I smoke your intention ofgarblinga jury. You know theharrierswill be partial, and acquit your client at any rate. Neither will we have any thing to do with yourtales.

Mat.No—no—you say right. I hate yourtalesandtale-bearers. They are a rascallypackaltogether.

Counsel for Pros.Besides, the statute gives your worshipsamplejurisdiction in this case; and if it did notgiveit, your worships know how totakeit, because the law says,boni est judicis ampliare jurisdictionem.

Pris. Counsel.Then—Idemurfor irregularity. The prisoner is adog, and cannot be triable as aman—ergo, not within the intent of the statute.

Counsel for Pros.That’s a poor subterfuge. If the statute respects aman, (a fortiori) it will affect adog.

Ponser.You are certainly right. For when I was in theTurkishdominions, I saw anHebrew Jewput to death for killing adog, althoughdogwas the aggressor.

Counsel for Pros.A case in point, please your worship. And a very curious and learned one it is. And the plain induction from it is this, that theJew(who I take for granted was aman) being put to death for killingdog, it follows that saiddogwas as respectable a person, and of equal rank in society with the saidJew; and therefore—ergo—and moreover—That, saiddog, so slain, was, to all and every purpose of legal inference and intendment, neither more nor less than—aman.

Court.We are all clearly of that opinion.

Counsel for Pros.Please your worships of the honourable bench. OnSaturdaythe day ofFebruary inst.on or about the hour offivein the afternoon, the deceased Mr.Harewas travelling quietly about his business, in a certain highway or road leading towardsMuckingham; and then, and there, the prisoner at the bar being in the same road, in and upon the body of the deceased, with force and arms, a violent assault did make; and further, not having the fear of your worships before his eyes, but being moved and seduced by the instigation of a devilish fit of hunger, he the said prisoner did him the said deceased, in the peace of our lord of the manor then and there being, feloniously, wickedly, wantonly, and of malice aforethought, tear, wound, pull, haul, touzle, masticate, macerate, lacerate, and dislocate, and otherwise evilly intreat; of all and singular which tearings, woundings, pullings, haulings, touzleings, mastications, and so forth, maliciously inflicted in manner and form aforesaid, the saidHaredid languish, and languishing did die, in Mr.Just-ass Ponser’shorsepond, to wit, and that is to say, contrary to the statute in that case made and provided, and against the peace of our said lord, his manor and dignity.

This, please your worships, is the purport of the indictment; to this indictment the prisoner has pleadednot guilty, and now stands upon his trial before this honourable bench.

Your worships will therefore allow me, before I come to call our evidence, to expatiate a little upon the heinous sin, wherewith the prisoner at the bar is charged. Hem!—Tomurder,—Ehem—Tomurder, may it please your worships, in Latin, is—is—Murderare;—or in the true and original sense of the word,Murder-ha-re.H—, as your worships well know, being not as yet raised to the dignity of a letter by any act of parliament, it follows that it plainly is no other thanMurder-a-re, according to modern refined pronunciation. The very root and etymology of the word does therefore comprehend in itself a thousand volumes in folio, to show the nefarious and abominable guilt of the prisoner, in the commission and perpetration of this horrid fact. And it must appear as clear as sunshine to your worships, that the wordMurderare, which denotes the prisoner’s crime, was expressly and originally applied to that crime, and tothatonly, as being the most superlative of all possible crimes in the world. I do not deny that, since it first came out of the mint, it has, through corruption, been affixed to offences of a less criminal nature, such askillingaman, awoman, or achild. But the sense of the earliest ages having stampedhare-murder, ormurder-ha-re, (as the old books have it,) with such extraordinary atrociousness, I am sure thatJust-assesof your worships’ acknowledged and well-known wisdom, piety, erudition, and humanity, will not, at this time of the day, be persuaded to hold it less detestable and sinful. Having said thus much on the nature of the prisoner’sguilt, I mean not to aggravate the charge, because I shall always feel due compassion for myfellow-creatures, however wickedly they may demean themselves.—I shall next proceed, with your worships’ leave, to call our witnesses.—CallLawrence LurcherandToby Tunnel.

Pris. Counsel.I must object to swearing these witnesses.—I can prove, they were both of themdrunk, andnon compos, during the whole evening, when this fact is supposed to have been committed.

Bottle.That will do you no service. I am very oftendrunkmyself, and nevermorein my senses than at such times.

Court.We all agree in this point with brotherBottle.

[Objection overruled and witnesses sworn.]

Lurcher.As I, andToby Tunnelhere, was a going hoam to squirePonser’s, along the road, one evening after dark, we sees the prisoner at the bar, or somebody like him, lay hold of the deceased, or somebody like him, by the back, an’t please your worships. So, says I,Toby, says I, that looks for all the world like one of ’squirePonser’shares. So the deceased cried out pitifully for help, and jumped over a hedge, and the prisoner after him, growling and swearing bitterly all the way. So, says I,Toby, let’s run after ’um. So I scrambled up the hedge; butTobylaid hold of my leg, to help himself up; so both of us tumbled through a thick furze bush into the ditch. So, next morning, as we was a going by the squire’s, we sees the deceased in his worship’s horse-pond.

Pris. Counsel.Are you sure he was dead?

Lurcher.Ay, as dead as my great grandmother.

Pris. Counsel.What did you do with the body?

Ponser.That’s not a fair question. It ought not to be answered.

Lurcher.I bean’t ashamed nor afeard to tell, not I. We carried it to his worship, squirePonser; and his worship had him roasted, with a pudding in his belly, for dinner, that seame day.

Council for Pros.That is nothing to the purpose. Have you any more questions for the witness?

Pris. Counsel.Yes, I have. Pray friend, how do you know the body you found was the very same you saw on the evening before?

Lurcher.I can’t tell; but I’m ready to take mybible oathon’t.

Pris. Counsel.That is aprincelyargument, and I shall ask you nothing farther.

Mrs.Margery Dripping, cook to his worship squirePonser, deposed to the condition of the deceased.

DEFENCE

Prisoner’s Counsel.Please your worships, I am counsel for the prisoner, who, in obedience to your worships’ commands, has pleadednot guilty; and I hope to prove that his plea is a good plea; and that he must be acquitted by the justice of his cause. In the first place, the witnesses have failed in proving the prisoner’s identity. Next, they have not proved the identity of the deceased. Thirdly, they do not prove who gave the wounds. Fourthly, nor to whom they were given. Fifthly, nor whether the party died of the wounds, if they were given, as supposed, to this identicalhare. For, I insist upon it, that, becausea harewas found in the squire’s horse-pond,non sequitur, that he was killed, and thrown in by the defendant. Or, if they had proved that defendant had maliciously, andanimo furioso, pursued the deceased into the horse-pond, it does not prove thedefendantguilty of his death, because he might owe his death to thewater; and therefore, in that case, thepondwould beguilty; and ifguilty, triable; and if triable,punishablefor the same, andnotmy client. And I must say, (under favour,) that hisworshipwould likewise beparticeps criminis, for not having filled it up, to prevent such accidents. One evidence, who never saw the prisoner till now, nor the deceased till after the fact supposed to have happened, declares, he is sure the prisoner killed the deceased. And why? Because he is ready to take hisbible oathon’t. This is, to be sure, a verylogicalconviction.

Court.It is a verylegalone, and that’s better.

Pris. Counsel.I submit to your wisdoms. But I must conclude with observing, that admitting a part of the evidence to be true, viz. that the prisoner did meetthe deceased on the highway, and held some conference with him; I say, that supposing this, for argument sake; I do insist, that Mr.Hare, the deceased, was not following a lawful, honest business, at that late hour; but was wickedly and mischievously bent upon a felonious design, of trespassing on farmerCarter’sground, and stealing, consuming, and carrying off, his corn and his turnips. I further insist that the defendant, knowing this his felonious and evil machination, and being resolved to defend the property of his good friend and patron from such depredations, did endeavour to divert him from it. Which not being able to effect by fair means, he then was obliged to try his utmost, as a good subject and trusty friend, to seize and apprehend his person, and bring him,per habeas corpus, before your worships, to be dealt with according to law. But the deceased being too nimble for him, escaped out of his clutches, and tumbling, accidentally, in the dark, into his worship’s horse-pond, was theredrowned. This is, I do not doubt, a true history of the whole affair; and proves that, in the strictest construction of law, it can only be a case ofper infortunium—unless your worships should rather incline to deem itfelo de se.

Noodle.A fall in the sea!No such thing: it was only ahorse-pond, that’s clear from the evidence.

Pris. Counsel.Howsoever your worships may think fit to judge of it, I do humbly conceive, upon the whole matter, that the defendant isnot guilty; and I hope your worships, in your wisdoms, will concur with me in opinion, andacquithim.

TheCounsel for the Prosecutionreplied in a long speech. He contended that Mr.Hare, the deceased, was a peaceable, quiet, sober, and inoffensive sort of a person, beloved byking,lords, andcommons, and never was known to entertain any idea of robbery, felony, or depredation, but was innocently taking the air, one afternoon, for the benefit of his health, when he was suddenly accosted, upon his majesty’s highway, by the prisoner, who immediately, and bloody-mindedly, without saying a syllable, made at him, with so much fury in his countenance, that the deceased was put in bodily fear; and being a lover of peace, crossed the other side of the way: the prisoner followed him close, and pressed him so hard, that he was obliged to fly over hedge and ditch with the prisoner at his heels. It was at this very juncture they were observed by the two witnesses first examined. The learned counsel further affirmed from circumstances, which he contended amounted topresumptiveevidence, that, after various turnings and windings, in his endeavour to escape, his foot slipped, and the prisoner seized him and inflicted divers wounds; but that the deceased finding means to get away, took to the pond, in order to swim across; when the prisoner, running round the pond incessantly, prevented his escape: so that, faint and languishing under his wounds and loss of blood, the hapless victim there breathed his last, in manner and form as the indictment sets forth. He also alleged that, as Mr.Harelived within his worship’s territory, where there are several more of the same family, he could not, therefore, be going to farmerCarter’s; for that would have been absurd, when he might have got corn and turnips enough on his worship’s own ground. Can there, said the learned gentleman, be a stronger, a weightier, a surer, a—a—a—?

Court.We understand you. It is as clear ascrystal.

[Their worships in consultation.]

Court.Has the prisoner’s counsel any thing further to offer in his behalf?

Pris. Counsel.Call farmer Carter.

Pray,farmer Carter, inform the court what you know of the prisoner’s life, character, and behaviour.

Carter.I have known the prisoner these several years. He has lived in my house great part of the time. He was alwayssober—

Court.Never thehonesterfor that. Well, go on.

Carter.Sober, honest, sincere, trusty, and careful. He was one of the best and most faithful friends I ever knew. He has many a time deterred thieves from breaking into my house at night, and murdering me and my family. He never hated nor hurt any body but rogues and night-walkers. He performed a million of good offices for me, for no other recompense than his victuals and lodging; and seemed always happy and contented with what I could afford him, however scanty the provision. He has driven away many afoxthat came to steal my geese and turkies; and, for taking care of a flock of sheep, there is not his equal in the county. In short, whenever he diesI shall lose my best friend, my best servant, and most vigilant protector. I am positive that he is as innocent as a babe of the crime charged upon him; for he was with me that whole evening, and supped and slept at home. He was indeed my constant companion, and we were seldom or never asunder. If your worships please, I’ll bebailfor him fromfive pounds to five hundred.

Court.That cannot be: it is not abailable offence. Have you any thing else to say, Mr.Positive?

Carter.Say? I think I’ve said enough, if it signified any thing.

Bottle.Drag him away out of hearing.

Carter.I will have justice! You, all of ye, deserve hanging more than your prisoner, and you all know it too.

Court.Away with him, constable.—Scum of the earth! Base-born peasant!

[Carteris hauled out of the court, after a stout resistance.]

Court.A sturdy beggar!We must find out some means ofwiringthat fellow!

The Counsel for the Prosecutionprayed sentence of death upon theculpritat the bar.

Court.How says thestatute?Are we competent for this?

Counsel for Pros.Thestatuteis, I confess, silent. But silence gives consent. Besides, this is a case of the first impression, and unprovided for by law. It is your duty, therefore, as good and wise magistrates of theHundredsofGotham, to supply this defect of the law, and to suppose that the law, where it says nothing, may be meant to say, whatever your worships shall be pleased to make it.

Bottle.It is now incumbent upon me to declare the opinion of this high and right worshipful court here assembled.

Shall the reptile of a dunghill, a paltry muckworm, a pitch-fork fellow, presume for to go for to keep adog?—and not only a dog, but a dog that murdershares?Are these divine creatures, that are religiously consecrated to the mouths alone of squires and nobles, to become the food of garlic-eating rogues? It is a food, that nature and policy forbid to be contaminated by their profane teeth. It is by far too dainty for theirrobustiousconstitutions. How are our clayey lands to be turned up and harrowed, and our harvests to be got in, if our labourers, who should strengthen themselves withbeefandale, should come to be fed withhare,partridge, andpheasant?Shall we suffer our giants to be nourished with mince-meat and pap? Shall we give our horses chocolate and muffins? No, gentlemen. The brains of labourers, tradesmen, and mechanics, (if they have any,) should ever be sodden and stupified with the grosser aliments ofbaconanddumpling. What is it, but the spirit ofpoaching, that has set all the lower class, thecanaille, a hunting afterhare’s-flesh?You see the effects of it gentlemen; they are all run mad withpolitics, resist their rulers, despise their magistrates, and abuseusin every corner of the kingdom. If you had begun hanging ofpoachersten years ago, d’ye think you would have hadoneleft in the whole kingdom by this time? No, I’ll answer for it; and yourhareswould have multiplied, till they had been as plenty asblackberries, and not left a stalk of corn upon the ground. This, gentlemen, is the very thing we ought to struggle for; that these insolent clowns may come to find, that the onlyusethey are good for, is to furnish provision for these animals. In short, gentlemen, although it is not totally clear from the evidence, that the prisoner isguilty; nevertheless,hangedhe must and ought to be,in terroremto all other offenders.

Therefore let theculpritstand up, and hearken to the judgment of the court.

Constable.Please your worship, he’s up.

Bottle.Porter!Thou hast been foundguiltyof a most daring, horrible, and atrocious crime. Thou hast, without being qualified as the law directs, and without licence or deputation from thelordof themanor, beenguiltyof shedding innocent blood. In so doing, thou hast broken the peace of the realm, set at naught the laws and statutes of thy country, and (what is more than all these) offended against these respectable personages, who have been sitting in judgment upon thee. For all this enormity of guilt, thy life doth justly become forfeit, to atone for such manifold injuries done to our most excellent constitution. We did intend, inChristiancharity, to have given some moments for thy due repentance, but, as the hour is late, anddinner ready, now hear thydoom.

Thou must be led from the bar to the end of the room, where thou art to behangedby the neck to yonder beam,coram nobis, till you aredead, dead, dead!Hangman, do your duty.

Constable.Please your worships, all is ready.

Ponser.Hoist away, then, hoist away.

[Porteris tucked up.]

Mat.Come, it seems to be pretty well over with him now. The constable has given him a jerk, and done his business.

Bottle.He’s an excellent fellow.

Ponser.The bestinformerin the whole county.

Bottle.And must be well encouraged.

Ponser.He shall never want alicence, whilstIlive.

Noodle.Come, shall we go todinner?

Bottle.Ay—he’ll never courseharesagain in this world. Gentlemen, the court isadjourned.

[Exeunt omnes.

EPITAPH,

Composed by Sam. Snivel, the parish clerk, proposed to be put, at Farmer Carter’s expense, on the unfortunate malefactor’s tombstone:

Here lie the remainsofhonest PORTER;who,after an innocent and well-spent life,was dragged hither, andtried,for acrimehe never committed,uponlawsto which he was unamenable,beforemenwho were no judges,foundguiltywithoutevidence,andhangedwithoutmercy:to give to future ages an example,that the spiritofTurkishdespotism, tyranny, andoppression,after glutting itself with the conquest oflibertyinBritish men,has stooped at length to wreak its bloodyvengeanceonBritish dogs!Anno Dom. 1771.Requiescat in pace!

S. S.

This humorous “Trial” was written in consequence of “a real event which actually took place, in 1771, near Chichester.” The persons who composed the court are designated by fictitious names; but to a copy of the pamphlet, in the possession of the editor of theEvery-day Book, there is a manuscript-key to their identity. The affair is long past, and they are therefore added in italics.

’SQUIRES.J. Bottle—Butler.A. Noodle—Aldridge.Mat o’ the Mill—Challen.O. Ponser—Bridger.

It appears that “the actors in the tragedy were well known by their nicknames, given in Mr. Long’s pamphlet.”

Edward Long, esq. was called to the bar in 1757, and sailed immediately for Jamaica, where he, at first, filled the post of private secretary to his brother-in-law, sir Henry Moore, bart., then lieutenant-governor of the island. He was afterwards appointed judge of the vice-admiralty court, and left the island in 1769. The remainder of his long life was spent in England, and devoted to literature. Mr. Long’s first production was the facetious report of the case of “Farmer Carter’s Dog Porter.” He wrote ably on negro slavery, the sugar trade, and the state of the colonies; but his most distinguished work is “The History of Jamaica,” in three quarto volumes, which contains a large mass of valuable information, much just reasoning, and many spirited delineations of colonial scenery and manners, and is almost as rare as the curious and amusing tract that has contributed to the preceding pages. He was born on the 23d of August, 1734, at Rosilian, in the parish of St. Blaize, Cornwall, and died, on the 13th of March, 1813, at the house of his son-in-law, Henry Howard Molyneux, esq. M.P. of Arundel Park, Sussex, aged 79. Further particulars of his life, writings, and family, are in Mr. Nichols’s “Literary Anecdotes,” and the “Gentleman’s Magazine,” vol. lxxiii., from whence this brief notice is extracted.

Mean Temperature 37·27.

[55]Fosbroke’s British Monachism.[56]Ibid.[57]Ibid.[58]Printed for T. Lowndes, 1771. 8vo.[59]His worship meantcanaille.

[55]Fosbroke’s British Monachism.

[56]Ibid.

[57]Ibid.

[58]Printed for T. Lowndes, 1771. 8vo.

[59]His worship meantcanaille.

She is called, by Butler, “the admirable Apollonia, whom old age and the state of virginity rendered equally venerable.” He relates, that in a persecution of the Christians, stirred up by “a certain poet of Alexandria,” she was seized, and all herteethwere beaten out, with threats that she should be cast into the fire, “ifshe did not utter certain impious words;” whereupon, of her own accord, she leaped into the flames. From this legend, St. Apollonia is become the patron saint of persons afflicted bytooth-ach.

In the “Horæ B. Virginis” is the followingprayer:—

“O Saint Apollonia, by thy passion, obtain for us the remission of all the sins, which, with teeth and mouth, we have committed through gluttony and speech; that we may be delivered from pain and gnashing of teeth here and hereafter; and loving cleanness of heart, by the grace of our lips we may have the king of angels our friend. Amen.”

If her teeth and jaws in Romish churches be good evidence, St. Apollonia superabounded in these faculties; the number of the former is surprising to all who disbelieve that relics of the saints multiply of themselves. A church at Bononia possesses herlowerjaw, “which is solemnly worshipped by the legate;” St. Alban’s church at Cologne also has herlowerjaw—each equally genuine and of equal virtue.

1555. On the 9th of February in this year, Dr. Rowland Taylor, vicar of Hadleigh in Suffolk, one of the first towns in England that entertained the Reformation, suffered death there for resisting the establishment of papal worship in his church. The engraving beneath is a correct representation of an old stone commemorative of the event, as it appeared in 1825, when the drawing was made from it, by a gentleman who obligingly transmits it for the present purpose.

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