Enter my LordWhiffle, Marsilia,Mr.Awdwell,Mr.Praisall,Mrs.WellfedandCalista.
Mrs.Well.For my part I am quite tir'd, and have a great mind to steal home to Dinner; will you please to go with me, Madam?
Cal.With all my Heart:Marsilia's so taken up with my Lord, they'll never miss us.
Mrs.Well.Come then. (Exeunt.
[Marsiliaand my LordWhiffletalk, both looking in a great Glass.
Mar.Thus I have told your Lordship the First part, which is past.
L.Whif.I conceive you, Madam, I have the whole Story in a Corner of my head intire, where no other Thought shall presume to interpose. Confound me, if my damn'd Barber has not made me look like a Mountebank: This Wigg I shall never endure, that's certain.
Mar.Now I must beg your Lordship to supposeFastinhaving seen his Mother-in-Law, is wholly captivated withher Charms, andBettyand she have both foresworn the Consummation of her Marriage withFastin'sFather; so he takes her to an adjacent Castle of his; she having cast the old Philosopher in a deep sleep. I'm forc't to tell your Lordship this, because the Play does not mention it.
Mr.Awd.I am afraid your Ladyship will be wanted, like theChorusof Old, to enlighten the understanding of the Audience.
Mar.Meer Malice, Spight, and burning Malice, by the Gods!
L.Whiff.Very good, my Coat is as full of wrinkles as an Old Woman's Face, byJove.
Mr.Prais.Madam, han't they tookBettywith 'em to his Castle?
Mar.Yes, yes; But, Mr.Praisall, you must keep your Distance a little now, and not interrupt me, when I am talking to my Lord.
Mr.Prais.I am dumb as a fish.
Mar.Now, if your Lordship pleases to sit down, you will see myOperabegin; for tho' some of the Play is over, there has been no Scene Operaish yet.
Mr.Awd.Operaish! Thats' a word of your own, I suppose, Madam.
Mr.Prais.Ne're the worse for that, I hope, Sir; why mayn't the Ladies make a word as well as the Men?
L.Whiff.The Lady shall make what words she pleases; and I will justifie her in't.
Mr.Awd.And I will laugh at her for it.
Mar.Well, Mr.Awdwell, these Affronts, are not so soon forgot as given.
Mr.Awd.Use your Pleasure, Madam, the Fool's almost weary.
Mar.He nettles me; but I think I have him in my power: Is your Lordship ready to observe?
L.Whiff.Madam, I am all Attention.
Mar.Come, the Night Scene there, a Dark Grove made Glorious by a Thousand burning Lights: By Heav'ns my words run of themselves into Heroick! Now Let em' enter.
EnterFastin,LadyLoveall.
Fast.Cou'd Age expect to hold thee! Oh thou Heav'nly Charmer! was there such an Impudence in Impotence; if the old Dotard has liv'd past his Reason, he must be taught it; yes, it shall dazle in his Eyes.
Mr.Awd.A very Dutiful Son, this.
Mar.Sir, I desire your Absence, if you won't let the Players go on: His Father has done a very foolish thing; and must be call'd to an account for it.
L.Whif.Right Madam; all old Men do foolish things when they marry young Wives, and ought to meet with exemplary Punishments.
Mar.Aye, your Lordship understands the Justice of the thing——Mrs.Knight, if you please.
La.Lov.Whilst my Ears devour your protested Love, my Heart dances to the Musick of your Vows. But is there no Falshood in a Form so lovely! if there is, these Eyes that let the Object in, must weep for ever!
Fast.By Honour and by Glory, I love thee more than Mortal can express or bear.
Mar.Now, Mr.Powel, my Rhime with a Boon Grace.
Fast.My scorching Raptures make a Boy of Jove;That ramping God shall learn of me to love.
Mar.How does your Lordship like these Lines?
L.Whiff.Madam, they exceed any of our modern Flights, as far as a Description ofHomer's does Mr.Settle's, Poet in Ordinary for my Lord Mayor's Show.
Mr.Prais.After what my Lord has said, I dare not speak, but I am all Admiration,
Mar.to Mrs.Knight.) Madam I beg your pardon for this Interruption; my Friends here will treat me with Flattery.
La.Lov.toFastin.) And you will be so vain to believe it none. (aside.) NorIsabellashall not——
Fast.Be nam'd only for Punishment, her Adultery withAmorousis plain, therefore she shall be disgrac'd, and dye.
Mr.Awd.Who had told him this?
Mar.WhyBettyhad told him, tho'Isabella' was Innocent as to the matter of Fact. Indeed Fate over-rul'd her Inclination: I will not answer you another Question, I protest: find it out as the rest of the World does.
Fastinto his Attendants.) Guard the Orange Grove; there letIsabellaremain a Prisoner, whilst I entertain the fairClemenewith a Song and Dances here.
(Italian Song by Mr.Pate.)
Mar.This Song's my own; and I think soft and moving.
L.Whiff.My slacken'd Fibres!—--My Soul's dissolv'd.
(Repeats.
Mar.Now the Grotesque Entertainment; I have mine perform'd by women, because it should differ from t'other House: if it has done em' any Injury I am sorry; but it cou'd not be hop'd, the Play must not be absolutely without Ornament. Pray take care, Gentlewomen, as we Poets are fain to do, that we may excell the Men, who first led the way.
After the Dance, a Drum beats.
EnterBetty.
Prais.Oh, Mrs.Betty!
Mar.Hold your peace, Mrs.Betty's in haste.
Bet.Fly, Sir, fly; oldWhimsicalis waked by another wretch, a Fornicator, who has liv'd past the Pleasure and the Sin. These wither'd Cuffs come on, follow'd by a monstrous Rabble, to seize the Lady.
LadyLo.Alas, I fear.
Fast.Talk not of fear, my Love, while I am by; thou art as safe as if ten thousand Legions were thy Guard. First to the Castle I will take my way, and leave thee there secure; in the mean time my Men fall on upon his mobbish Soldiers, but spare the stubborn old Man, because he is my Father. (Exeunt.
Mar.Now there's his Duty, there's his Duty! D'ye hear that, Mr.Quarelsom!
Mr.Awd.Wondrous Duty! sets the Rabble about his Father's Ears, and bids 'em not hurt him.
Mar.Now, my Lord, and Gentlemen, and Ladies, where are the Ladies?
Mr.Prais.I have miss'd 'em a great while, Madam: But I wou'd not interrupt you to tell you of't.
Mar.Ill-bred Things! who do they expect shou'd have Patience with their dull stuff? But, as I was saying, I must beg you once again to suppose old LordWhimsical Loveall, is attacking his Son's Castle, and beaten back: Now they arebehind the Scenes; found a Storm again, three times; now we'll suppose 'em repuls'd. And from the Castle let the Trumpets and Violins join in a Tune of Victory. So, there's a Battle well over.
L.Whiff.With a very little trouble. But, Madam had not the storming the Castle been as good a Scene as the taking ofJerusalem.
Mar.Granted, my Lord. But I have a Castle taken upon the Stage; and twice, you know, had been Repetition.
Mr.Prais.True; your Ladiship was never in the wrong in your Life, unless it was when you said, I had no Courage.
Mar.Change the Scene to the Orange Grove.
EnterIsabella.
Your Servant Mrs.Cross, I am glad to see you again.
Mrs.Cross. Truly the Gentleman would not be deny'd; tho' really, Madam, 'twas only fear I shou'd not serve you in't, made me backward.
Mar.All's well, and I'm pleas'd. Will you give your self the trouble to enter again? because that will make you look more alone.
Mrs.Cross. Yes, Madam. (Goes out, and Re-enters.
Isab.Methought I heard the sound of War pierce the hollow Groves: Else 'twas my melancholly Fancy chim'd to my sick Brain. Yet it cannot be Delusion; for I am a Prisoner. A surly Fellow, who lookt as if Pity was his Foe, told me, I here must wait my Lord's Commands. Oh,Fastin! if thou art cruel or unkind, thou art justly so: For I came to thy Arms without a Heart, without Love'sFlames, or desire to kindle 'em. Oh! why wasAmoroussent to my Fathers Castle, to begin the Parly? 'Tis true, he's in the vale of Years; yet Oh! such Charms remain! He found the way to my unguarded Heart; nor need he storm, I could not the least Opposition make; he streight was Lord of all within; yet, Chaste as Fires, which consume in Urns, and vainly warm the Dead, so Useless is my Flame!
Mar.My Lord! wou'd your Lordship imagine Mrs.Crossshou'd dislike the part, when I defie all the Virgins inEuropeto make so cold a Simile as that?
L.Wh.Thou'st turn'd me into Marble; I am a Statue upon the Tomb where the Urn's inclos'd.
Mr.Prais.My Teeth chatter in my head.
Mr.Awd.Oh for a Couple of good Cudgels to warm the Coxcombs. (aside.
Mar.Well, dearIsabella, proceed.
Isab.Thou Mother Earth, bear thy wretched Daughter: Open thy all receiving Womb, and take thy groaning burthen in!
Mar.Now You'll see this Act, very full of Business. Come, LordWhimsicall, andAmorous, hastily.
Enter LordWhimsicallandAmorous.
L.Whim.Raise thee from Earth, thou most unhappy Wife of my most wicked Son! fly, whilst faithfulAmorousand I Protect thee from what his Savage rage has doom'd.
Isab.What has he doom'd? alas, I dare not fly with you andAmorous.
Amo.Then leave me here to Death; follow your Father, and shun approaching Danger.
Is.What Death! what Danger! make me understand you.
Mar.Ay, Poor Lady! she's unwillingAmorousshou'd dye too.
L.Whim.Your Husband loudly proclaims you an Adultress, and means to make War on that fair work of Heav'n, your Face; And Noseless send you back to your own Father.
Amo.Oh, horrid! hasten, Madam, from the brutal Tyrant.
Isa.I must consult my Immortal Honour; that's a Beauty to me, more valued than Nature's Out-work's, a Face. Let me consider, tis my Husband's Father; to retire till I am justifi'd, cannot be a Crime, Sir. I have resolv'd to go.
My Innocence is white asAlpineSnow,By these Tears, which never cease to flow.
Mar.Your pardon, Mrs. give me leave to instruct you in a moving Cry. Oh! there's a great deal of Art in crying: Hold your Handkerchief thus; let it meet your Eyes, thus; your Head declin'd, thus; now, in a perfect whine, crying out these words,
By these Tears, which never cease to Flow.
Is not that right my Lord?
L.Whim.Oh gad! feelingly Passionate, Madam; were your Ladyship to do it, the whole House wou'd catch the Infection; and as inFrancethey are all in a Tune, they'd here be all in Tears.
Awdwell.Now I fancy 'twou'd have just the contrary effect on me.
Mar.Oh Jehu! how am I tortur'd with your Nonsence! Proceed, for Heav'ns sake; let my Ears be diverted with my own words; for your's grate 'em beyond induring.
Isab.Must I repeat this stuff agen?
Mar.Stuff! my Spirit rises at her: But 'tis in vain to resent it. The truth on't is, Poets are so increas'd, Players value 'em no more than——
Awd.Ballad-singers.
Awd.Spiteful Devils. Well, Mrs.Cross, I'll not trouble you agen;Amorousshall suppose you are going. Come, Mr.Pinkethman.
Amo.Then with this Flaming Sword I'll clear the way, And hunt for Danger in the Face of Day.
Mar.Well, Mr.Pinkethman, I think you are oblig'd to me for choosing you for a Heroe; Pray do it well, that the Town may see, I was not mistaken in my Judgment: Fetch large Strides; walk thus; your Arms strutting; your Voice big, and your Eyes terrible.
Then with this Flaming Sword I'll clear the way.
Amo.Then thus I'll clear your way, (Draws.And hunt for Danger in the Face of Day.
Isa.Alas, does any oppose us?
L.Whim.Only some stragling fellows, whichAmorouswill scour; and in the Corner of the Grove the Chariot waits. (Exeunt.
Mar.Now will your Ladyship please to conceive these three are got into my LordWhimsicall'sCastle? WhitherFastin, mad with Jealousie and Love, pursues: Now your Lordship shall see the storming of a Fort, not like yourJerusalem, but the modern way; my Men shall go all up thro' a trap door, and ever now and then one drop polt down dead. (talking eagerly, she throws my Lords Snuff-box down.
L.Whim.Like my Snuff-box, Madam. 'Ouns my Snuff cost two Guineas.
Mar.I beg your Lordship's pardon.
Mr.Prais.Two Guineas, it shan't be all lost then.
(Picks up the Snuff.Mar.Are you ready? (goes to the Scenes.Within.) Yes, yes, Madam.
SCENE
A Castle Storming.
Mar.My Lord, my Lord, this will make you amends for your Snuff! Drums beat; mount, ye Lumpish Dogs: what are you afraid of? you know the Stones are only Wool: Faster, with more Spirit? Brutes. OhJehu! I am sorry I had not this Castle taken by women, then t'had been done like my Grotesque Dance there: mount, mount, Rascals.
(Marciliabustling among 'em, loses her Head-Cloathes.
Patty,Patty, my Head, my Head, the Brutes will trample it to Pieces. Now, Mr.Powel, enter like a Lyon.
EnterFastin,Followers,LadyLoveall, Betty, &c.
Fast.By Heav'n, I'll tear her from her Lover's Arms, my Father only Spare.
La. Lov.Spare him not: hear my Charge. Aim every arrow, at his Destin'd Head, There is no Peace, 'till that Curst Villain's Dead.
Mar.Look, look my Lord, where Mr.Powell's got.
La. Lov.Oh, the rash young Man; save him, Gods!
Betty.Protect him,Venus!
Mr.Prais.How heartilyBettyprays, and to her own Deity, I dare swear.
Fast.They fly! they fly! sound Trumpets, Sound! letClemene'sMusick joyn confine my Father to yon distant Tower: I'll not see him 'till I have punish'd the Adultress: Set wide the Gates, and letClemenesknow she's Mistress here.
La. Lov.Where is he; Let me fly and bind his Wounds up with my Hair, lull him upon my own Bosom, and sing him into softest ease.
To Feast, and Revels Dedicate the Day.Let the old Misers stores be all expos'd, and made the Soldiers Prey!D' ye hear, let the Butler dye, least he tell Tales.
Betty.Madam, he shall then, no body will dare contradict us in the Cellar neither. (Exeunt.
Mr.Prais.Well said, Mrs.Betty; she loves a Cup, I like her the better for't.
Mr.Awd.A hopeful Wife, this! do's she go on thus Triumphant?
Mar.I have sworn to answer you no more Questions.
L.Whiff.Indeed, Madam, you have made her very wicked.
Mar.The woman is a little Mischievous; but your Lordship shall see I'll bring her to Condign Punnishment. My Lord, I will be bold to say, here is a Scene a coming, wherein there is the greatest Distress that ever was seen in a Play: 'tis poorAmorous, andIsabella. Mr.Praisall, do you remember that oldWhimsicallwas all along a Philosopher?Come let down the Chariot.
Mr.Prais.Lord Madam, do you think I don't, why was not he and I a going to the Moon together?
Mar.Right! you must keep a steady, and a solid Thought to find the Depths of this plot out. Now, my Lord, bepleas'd once again to conceive these poor Lovers hunted above the Castle, at last taking Sanctuary in a high pair of Leads, which adjoyns to the old Man's study; conceive also their Enemies at their Heels; how then can these lost Creatures 'scape?
Mr.Awd.May be they both leapt over the Leads, and broke their Necks.
L.Whiff.That's one way; but pray lets hear the Ladies.
Mar.You must know, my Lord, at first I design'd this for Tragedy; and they were both taken; She was Poyson'd, and dy'd, like an Innocent Lamb, as she was indeed: I was studying a Death for him; once I thought Boys shou'd shoot him to Death with Pot-Guns: for your Lordship may be pleas'd to understand,Amoroushad been a Soldier, tho' now he was a Steward of the Family; and that wou'd have been Disgrace enough, you know: But at length I resolv'd to ram him into a great Gun, and scatter him o're the sturdy Plain: This, I say, was my first resolve. But I consider'd, 'twould break the Lady's Heart; so there is nothing in their Parts Tragical but as your Lordship shall see miraculously I turn'd it into an Opera.
L.Whif.Your Ladyship's Wit is Almighty, and produces nothing but Wonders.
Mr.Prais.The Devil take his Lordship, he is always before hand with me, and goes so confounded high, there's no coming after him.
Mar.Your Lordship shall see what, I think, their Opera's have not yet had.
SCENE
The Leads of a Castle.
The Sun seen a little beyond: A Chariot stands upon the Leads.
EnterIsabella,follow'd byAmorous.
Isab.Now Death's in view, methinks I fear the Monster. Is there no God that Pities Innocence? Oh! thou All-seeing Sun, contract thy Glorious Beam's, hide me, in Darkness hide me!
Mr.Awd.I am sorry to find your Heroine Shrink.
Mar.Oh! 'tis more natural for a woman than bold; as an Imprison'd Cat, to fly Death i th Face, as 'twere. Humph, was it you I took pains to convince? Pray no more Interruption of this Scene.
Amor.Ten Massy Doors, all barr'd with wondrous strength impede their Passage: Rest then, thou Milk-white hunted Hind, forget the near Approach of fear, and hear the Story of my Love.
Mr.Awd.Hey boy, littleAmorous! He'll loose no opportunity.
Mr.Prais.He is not like to have many; he was a fool, if he did not improve 'em.
Isab.We soon shall mount yon Blisful Seats! Let us be rob'd with Innocence, least we want admittance there.
Amor.All Dreams! meer Dreams! bred from the Fumes of Crabbed Education, and must we for this lose true Substantial Pleasure? By Heav'n, 'twould be a noble Justice todefeat their Malice: they hunt us for imaginary Crimes; and we must dye like Fools for doing nothing.
Mr.Prais.Well urg'd,Amorous.
L.Whiff.Bold, I vow.
Mar.A Lover shou'd be so, my Lord.
Amor.But give me up the Heav'n my ravenous Love requires: Let me fill my Sences with thy Sweetness; then let 'em pour upon me, I cou'd laugh at all their idle Tortures, every pleas'd Limb shou'd dance upon the Wheel.
Mar.Dance upon the Wheel! that's a new thought, I am sure, my Lord.
L.Whiff.Your Tract is all new, and must be uncommon, because others can never find it.
Prais.A Pox on him! he has out-done me agen.
Mar.I am your Lordship's very humble Servant: My Lord, HowAmorousgazes on her!
L.Whiff.Piercing Eyes, I confess.
Prais.An irresistible Lere——I got in a word.
Isab.Take off your Eyes; mine shou'd be fix'd above; but Love draws 'em downwards, and almost pulls my Heart along.
Amo.Give me your Heart! your Arms! Oh! give me all! see at your Feet the wretchedAmorousfalls! Be not more cruel than our Foes. Behold me on the Torture!Fastincannot Punish me with half the Racks denying Beauty lays on longing Love.
Isab.I recover strength: rise, and begone; Alas, thou can'st not go; then at awful distance, cold as Ice, not dare to let thy hot Breath agen offend my chaste Ears! If thou hast, a Dagger rams thy Passion down thy Throat.
Mar.Won't this be a Surprize, my Lord, to see her have such an Icy Fit?
L.Whiff.When I thought she was just going to melt.
Amor.See, you are obey'd; shivering your er'e-while raging Lover stands; your Words and Looks, like Frost on Flowers, have nipt my Hopes and fierce Desires!
Mr.Prais.Alas, poorAmorous! (A Noise without.
Mar.Do you hear, my Lord? do's not your Heart ake for the poor Lovers?
L.Whif.I am ready to swoon, Madam.
Mr.Prais.Wou'd I had some Cordial-water.
Mr.Awd.Art thouMarsilia? wilt thou confess it? so weak to believe these Coxcombs?
Mar.I always choose to believe what pleases me best. If a School-Boy had been told so often of a Fault, as you have been, of Interruption, he had certainly left it. Make a Noise agen without.
Isab.Alas my fears return; what shall I do? I dare not dye.
Amor.Oh Let not Monstrous Fear deform the Beauties of thy Soul, but brave thy Fate.
Mar.Louder; but brave thy Fate; strain your Voice: I tell you, Mr.Pinkethman, this speaking Loud gets the Clap.
Amo.Pox of this Heroick; I shall tear my Lungs. (Aside.But brave thy Fate.
Mar.Aye, that goes to ones very Heart.
Awd.And rends ones Head.
Isab.I cannot, I dare not; Oh, they come! where shall I hide me? (Gets into the Chariot.
Amo.For Heav'n's sake, Madam, come from hence: This will expose us to all their scorn. (goes in after.
Mar.Now, now, up with it. Here, my Lord, here's the wonder; this very ChariotWhimsicalhad been making fifty Years, contriv'd beyond all humane Art, for the Sun to draw up to the Moon; at this very Critical minute the Matter's affected. Is not your Lordship surpriz'd?
L.Whif.I know not where I am!
Prais.Oh! this is a plain case; so while the old Cuckold was watching his Chariot, his Wife had Opportunity to make him one.
Mar.Right, right, Mr.Praisall: NowAmorousfinds it move.
Amor.Ha! the Chariot moves; a Miracle is known in our Preservation.
Isab.Oh! I dye with fear!
Mar.Now she falls in a Swoon, and never wakes 'till they come into another world.
Mr.Prais.E gad, 'tis well I am not in the Chariot with her.
Mar.You may open the Door, they are out of sight.
EnterFastin,LadyLoveallandBetty.
Fast.Where is the Hellish Pair? Let my Eyes be fasten'd on 'em, that I may look 'em dead.
Mar.Look dreadfully, sweet Mr.Powell, look dreadfully.
Mr.Awd.Hark'e, Madam, only one thing; did you never hear an old Proverb;He that has a House of Glass shou'd never throw Stones at his Neighbours? I think this young Gentleman is guilty of much the same fault.
Mar.Lord! Lord! I told ye once before, he did not know his Father was marry'd to her, he took her for a pure Virgin. Come, Mr.Powell, go on.
Fast.Where are you hid? in what Lustful Corner?
L.Lov.Alas, I fear they have escap'd, and I have such a Detestation for ill Women, 'twould grieve me much to have 'em go unpunish'd.
Betty.I am sure they took the Stairs that led this way, and must be here; let me ferret 'em.
Mr.Prais.God-a-Mercy,Betty! LetBettyalone.
Bett.A-dad I can't set Eyes on 'em high nor low.
Mr.Prais.No, they are too high for thee, indeed, littleBetty.
Mar.Pray, Mr.Praisall, be quiet; here's a great Scene a coming.
Mr.Prais.I am silent as the Grave.
Fast.In vain they think to 'scape my Rage, by thus evading it; for if the Earth holds 'em, they shall be found.
Betty.Why, where's my old Master's Conjuring Chariot, I wonder, that he alway's told us wou'd carry him to Heaven, when we little thought on't? It us'd to stand here.
L.Lov.It did so.
Betty.Perhaps they are gone toElyziumin it.
L.Lov.No, Fool,Elyziumhas no room for Lawless Lovers.
Betty.Then you must never come there, I'm sure. (aside.
Mar.That's the first ill wordBettyhas given her Mistress; and that was to her self too.
Fast.Let my Chariots be prepar'd, we'll leave this hated place, and in my Castle unlade our Cares. Love shall crown our Hours, and Wine and Musick rob 'em of 'em with delight.
L.Lov.Whilst I weave flowry Chaplets for your Hair,Revels and Masks to please your Sight prepare:Feed on your Presence, on your absence grieve,Love you alone, for you alone I'll live.
Mar.Now quick, quick, get behind her, Mr. least she shou'd resist; the rest disarm Mr.Powell.
Enter LordWhimsicalland others.
L.Whim.Not fit to live, nor dye! but Death thou best deserv'st. (stabs her.
L.Lov.Oh! thou Impotence, only strong in mischief: That feeble aged Arm has reach'd my youthful Heart.
Fast.Slaves, unhand me! Oh!Clemene, Oh!
L.Lov.Let me come at the Dotard, let me cover the Blood-thirsty Man with Livid Gore.
Mar.D'ye hear, Property-Man, be sure some red Ink is handsomely convey'd to Mrs.Knight.
Fast.Move, Dogs; bear her to me, that I may press her close, and keep in Life.
Mar.Strive and struggle now, Mr.Powell; Lord, you scarce stir; hold me, hold me, some of you. Observe, that I may press her close, and keep in Life:, ye see my Breath's almost gone. Oh! if we Poets did but act, as well as write, the Plays wou'd never miscarry.
Fast.Why, there's enow of you, both Males and Females; entertain the Town when you will, I'll resign the Stage with all my Heart.
Mar.And by my hopes ofCatalineI'll propose it. But now pray go on.
Fast.I say, lose yourPlebeianGoals, and let me reach my Love.
Mar.Well, that's your own; but 'twill do. You may speak it, Mr.Powell.
L.Whim.What, the Sorceress! thy Father's Wife, rash Boy!
Fast.Ha, ha, ha, ha! Your Wife: I have heard indeed of old Men that wanted Virgins, when vital warmth was gone.
L. Whim.To that Title do'sClemene's Impudence pretend. Speak, lewd Adultress.
La. Lov.Yes, I will speak, and own it all: Why shou'd I mince the matter, now I've lost my hopes of him? For the old Skeleton, sign alone, and shadow of a Man, I might have yet been pure: But whilst gay Youths adorn'd thy FamilyClemenewou'd not sigh in vain.
Fast.What's this I hear?
Bet.My Lady dying! I am not yet prepared to bear her Company: I'll e'en shift for one. I wou'd not willingly leave this wicked World, before I have tasted a little more on't.
Mr.Prais.True, Mrs.Betty; slip behind me, and thou art gone.
Mar.See, my Lord, they are all struck in a Maze.
(Exit.
L.Whiff.'Tis very amazing!
L. Whim.Why,Fastin, stare you thus? Is her wickedness such News? Go, bear her off, and let her die alone.
La. Lov.Do, convey me hence; for not gaping Pipes of burning Sulphur, nor grinning hideous Fiends, can jerk my Soul like that old Husband. Fogh! how he stinks! Set him a fire with all his Chymistry about him, see how he'll blaze on his own Spirits.
Fast.Rage not; it wastes thy precious Life.
Mr.Awd.Then he loves her still.
Mar.Yes; what, you think him hot and cold in a quarter of an hour?
La. Lov.Fastin, farewel. Oh! thou only Youth, whom I can truly say I lov'd, for thee I'd run this mad Risque agen; for thee I die. Away, away! and let me do thework of Children in the dark. (Exit led off.
L. Whim.Where's my Chariot? my Chariot of the Sun, Slaves! who has remov'd it? if it jogg'd but a Hair awry, may set me backwards ten tedious Years. But it is gone! where can it be? (Runs up and down to look it.
Fast.Defeated Love! approaching Shame! Remorse and deathless Infamy! they crowd one Breast too much: Here's to give 'em vent. (Stabs himself.
L. Whim.Oh! 'tis gone! 'tis gone! my Chariot! Oh, my Chariot!
Fast.See,Clemene, see, thy Adorer comes! guiltily fond, and pressing after thee. (Dies.
L. Whim.Have you all lookt below? is there no news of this inestimable Chariot?
Serv.No, my Lord; and here your Son is dead.
L. Whim.Why dost thou tell me of my Son, the blind work of Chance, the sport of Darkness, which produc'd a Monster? I've lost an Engine, the labour'd care of half a hundred Years. It is gone!Ishall go mad.
Mar.Good Mr. What-d'-call-'um, this last Speech to the highest pitch of raving.
L. Whim.Ha! the Sun has got it;Isee the glorious Tract: ButIwill mount and yet recover it: The covetous Planet shall not dare to keep it for the use of his Paramour. Bear me, ye Winds, upon your blustring Wings; forIam light as Air, and mad as rowling Tempests.
(Exit
Mar. Is not this passion well exprest?
Mr.Awd.'Tis indeed all mad Stuff.
Mar.your word neither mends nor mars it, that's one Comfort. Mr.Powell, will you walk off, or be carry'd off?
Mr.Pow.I'll make use of my Legs, if you please, Madam. Your most humble Servant.
Mar.Mr.Powell, yours; I give you ten thousand thanks for your trouble. I hope, Mr.Powell, you are convinc'd this Play won't fail.
Mr.Pow.O Lord! Madam, impossible! (Exit.
Mar.Well, sure by this Play, the Town will perceive what a woman can do. I must own, my Lord, it stomachs me sometimes, to hear young Fops cry, there's nothing like Mr. Such-a-one's Plays, and Mr. Such-a-ones Plays.
L.Whiff.But, Madam, I fear our excellent Entertainment's over; I think all your Actors are kill'd.
Mar.True, my Lord, they are most of 'em dispatch'd. But now, my Lord, comes one of my Surprizes; I make an end of my Play in the World in the Moon.
L.Whiff.In the World in the Moon!
Mr.Prais.Prodigious!
Mar.Scene-Men: Where the Devil are these Blockheads? Scene-Men.
Within.) Here, here.
Mar.Come, one of your finest Scenes, and the very best that ye know must be, when the Emperour and Empress appear.
Scene-Men.How d'ye like this Madam?
Mar.Aye, aye, that will do.
L.Whim.'Tis every thing the Stage, can afford in perfection.
Mr.Prais.And which no Stage in the World can equal.
Mar.Oh, fie! Mr.Praisall, you go often toLincoln's-Inn-Fields.
Mr.Prais.I have said it, let t'other House take it how they will.
L.Whif.What, are these Men, or Monsters?
Mar.My Lord, this is very true, I'll believe the Historian, for he was there, my Lord. The World in the Moon is as fine a place as this represents; but the Inhabitants are a littleshallow, and go, as you see, upon all four; now I designAmorousandIsabellashall bring in such a Reformation; then all the Hero's of the Moon-world shall fall in love withIsabella, as, you know, inAurenzebethey are all in love withIndamora: Oh! that's a sweet, a pretty Name; but a Duce on't, my Brother Bay's has scarce left a pretty Name for his Successors?
Mr.Prais.Dear Madam, are these crawling things to speak, or no?
Mar.Patience is a great Vertue, Mr.Praisall.
Mr.Awd.And your Spectators must exercise it, o'my Conscience.
Mar.Pray now, my Lord, be pleas'd to suppose this is the Emperor's Wedding-day. Musick and the Dance.
Dance upon all Four.
SONG.
What's the whispering for?
One of the Men.) Why, Madam, to tell you the truth, in short, we are not able to continue in this Posture any longer, without we break our Backs; so we have unanimously resolv'd to stand upright.
(All the Men and Women stand up, when they're come forward.
Mr.Prais.Hey! heres another Surprize!
Mar.Oh! the Devil; you have spoilt my Plot! you have ruin'd my play, ye Blockheads! ye Villains, I'll kill you all,burn the Book, and hang my self! (Throws down the Book, and stamps upon it.
L.Whiff.Taking up the Book.) Hold, Madam! Don't let Passion provoke you, like the Knight of old, to destroy what After-ages cannot equal.
Mar.Why, my LordAmorous, andIsabellawas to come in, and their wou'd have been such a Scene! Asses! Ideots! Jolts! But they shall never speak a Line of mine, if it wou'd save 'em from in evitable ruine; I'll carry it to t'other House this very Moment.
Mr.Awd.Won't ye go home to Dinner first?
Mar.Dinner be damn'd! I'll never eat more. See too! if any of their impudent People come to beg my Pardon! or appease me! Well, I will go, that's resolv'd.
Mr.Prais.Madam, consider; cou'd they not stoop agen, whenIsabella'scome in; I'll try how 'tis. (stoopsOun's 'tis Devillish painful.
Mar.Don't tell me, 'tis painful; if they'll do nothing for their Livings, let 'em starve and be hang'd. My Chair there.
L.Whiff.Madam, my Coach is at your Service, it waits without.
Mar.To be seen in my Lord's Coach is some Consolation (asideMy Lord, I desire to go directly intoLincoln's-Inn-Fields.
L.Whiff.Where you please, Madam.
Mar.I'll never set my Foot agen upon this confounded Stage. My Opera shall be first, and myCatilinenext; which I'd have these to know, shall absolutely break 'em. They may shut up their Doors; strole or starve, or do what ever the Devil puts in their heads; no more ofMarsiliasWorks, I assure 'em. Come, my Lord.
Mr.Awd.You won't go, Madam?
Mar.By my Soul, I will; your damn'd ill Humour began my Misfortunes. Farewel,Momus; farewel, Ideots: Hoarse be your Voices, rotten your Lungs, want of Wit and Humour continue upon your damn'd Poets, and Poverty consume you all. (Exit.
Prais.What, ner'e a word to me! or did she put me among the Ideots? Sir, the Lady's gone.
Awd.And you may go after; there's something to help you forward. (kicks him.
Prais.I intend, Sir, I intend it. (Exit.
Enter Mr.Powell,Mrs.Knight,Mrs.Cross,&c.Laughing
Awd.So, what's the news now?
Mr.Pow.Oh, my Sides! my Sides! the wrathful Lady has run over a Chair, shatter'd the Glasses to pieces: The Chair-Men, to save it, fell pell-mell in with her. She has lost part of her Tail, broke her Fan, tore her Ruffles, and pull'd off half my LordWhiffle'sWigg, with trying to rise by it: So they are, with a Shagreen Air, and tatter'd Dress, gone into the Coach: Mr.Praisallthrust in after 'em, with the bundle of Fragments, his Care had pick'd up from under the Fellows Feet. Come, to make some Atonement, Entertain this Gentleman with the Dance you are practising for the next new Play.
A DANCE.
Mr.Awd.Mr.Powell, if you'll do me the favour to dine with me. I'll prevent the Dinner I bespoke going toMarsilia'sLodgings, and we'll eat it here.
Mr.Pow.With all my heart: I am at your Service.
Awd.Thus warn'd,I'll leave the Scribler to her Fops, and Fate;I find she's neither worth my Love or Hate.
FINIS.
TheHistory of Man, or the Wonders of Human Nature, in Relation to the Virtues, Vices and Defects of both Sexes, with Examples Antient and Modern, Alphabetically digested under their proper Heads. The whole Work being intermix'd with variety of useful and divertive Relations, never before published. Price 6s.
The Cheats and Illusions of Romish Priests and Exorcists discovered in the History of the Devils ofLondon, being an account of the pretended Possession of theUrsulineNuns, and of the Condemnation and Punishment ofUrban Grandier, a Parson of the same Town. Price 4s.
TheEnglish Theophrastus, or the Manners of the Age; being the Modern Characters of the Court, the Town and the City; written by several Hands;Price5s.
Letters of Wit, Politicks and Morality; by CardinalBentivoglio, FatherRapin,Aurelianthe Emperor, QueenZenobia,Don Quevedo,Petronius, MadamMaintenon, &c. with several Original Letters of Love and Friendship; by Mr.Cheek, Mr.Savage, the SieurBoyer, Capt.Ayloff, Mrs.Carrol, and several others;Price5s.
The Vanities ofPhilosophyandPhysick, to be perused chiefly by all that would preserve Health, and prolong Life, as well in a Regular as Irregular way of Living, by Directions and Medicines therein mentioned; the Third Edition; by Dr.Gideon Harvey;Pr.5s.
A Defence of Mr.Lock'sEssay of Humane Understanding; wherein its Principles, with reference to Morality, revealed Religion, and the Immortality of the Soul, are considered and justified, in answer to some Remarks on that Essay, Recommended by Mr.Lock, Mr.Toland, &c.Price1s.
The Life of the late famous ComedianJo. Hayns, containing his Comical Exploits and Adventures both at home and abroad;Pr.1s.
Love at a Loss; or most Votes carries it. A Comedy.
The Unhappy Penitent. A Tragedy—both written by Mrs.Trotter.
The Beau Defeated; or the Lucky Younger Brother. A Comedy.
Antiochusthe Great; or the Fatal Relapse. A Tragedy—by Mrs.Wiseman.
QueenCatherine; or the Ruines of Love; by Mrs.Pix.
The Stolen Heiress; or theSalamanca Doctor out-plotted. A Comedy.
She Wou'd, and she Wou'd not; or the Kind Impostor. A Comedy—by Mr.Cibber.
The Different Widdows; or Intrigue Allamode. A Comedy.
The Fickle Shepherdess, play'd all by Women.
The Faithful Bride ofGranada. A Tragedy.
General Editors: George Robert Guffey, University of California, Los Angeles; Earl Miner, University of California, Los Angeles; Maximillian E. Novak, University of California, Los Angeles; Robert Vosper, William Andrews Clark Memorial Library
Corresponding Secretary: Mrs. Edna C. Davis, William Andrews Clark Memorial Library
The Society's purpose is to publish reprints (usually facsimile reproductions) of rare seventeenth and eighteenth century works. All income of the Society is devoted to defraying costs of publication and mailing.
Correspondence concerning subscriptions in the United States and Canada should be addressed to the William Andrews Clark Memorial Library, 2520 Cimarron St., Los Angeles, California. Correspondence concerning editorial matters may be addressed to any of the general editors. Manuscripts of introductions should conform to the recommendations of theMLA Style Sheet. The membership fee is $5.00 a year for subscribers in the United States and Canada and 30/— for subscribers in Great Britain and Europe. British and European subscribers should address B. H. Blackwell, Broad Street, Oxford, England. Copies of back issues in print may be obtained from the Corresponding Secretary.
PUBLICATIONS FOR 1966-1967
Henry Headley,Poems(1786). Introduction by Patricia Meyer Spacks.James Macpherson,Fragments Of Ancient Poetry(1760). Introduction by John J. Dunn.Edmond Malone,Cursory Observations on the Poems Attributed to Thomas Rowley(1782). Introduction by James M. Kuist.Anonymous,The Female Wits(1704). Introduction by Lucyle Hook.Anonymous,The Scribleriad(1742).Lord Hervey,The Difference Between Verbal and Practical Virtue(1742). Introduction by A. J. Sambrook.Le Lutrin: an Heroick Poem, Written Originally in French by Monsieur Boileau: Made English by N. O.(1682). Introduction by Richard Morton.
Henry Headley,Poems(1786). Introduction by Patricia Meyer Spacks.
James Macpherson,Fragments Of Ancient Poetry(1760). Introduction by John J. Dunn.
Edmond Malone,Cursory Observations on the Poems Attributed to Thomas Rowley(1782). Introduction by James M. Kuist.
Anonymous,The Female Wits(1704). Introduction by Lucyle Hook.
Anonymous,The Scribleriad(1742).Lord Hervey,The Difference Between Verbal and Practical Virtue(1742). Introduction by A. J. Sambrook.
Le Lutrin: an Heroick Poem, Written Originally in French by Monsieur Boileau: Made English by N. O.(1682). Introduction by Richard Morton.
ANNOUNCEMENTS:
The Society announces a series of special publications beginning with a reprint ofJohn Ogilby,The Fables of Æsop Paraphras'd in Verse(1668), with an Introduction by Earl Miner. Ogilby's book is commonly thought one of the finest examples of seventeenth-century bookmaking and is illustrated with eighty-one plates. The next in this series will beJohn Gay'sFables(1728), with an Introduction by Vinton A. Dearing. Publication is assisted by funds from the Chancellor of the University of California, Los Angeles. Price to members of the Society, $2.50 for the first copy and $3.25 for additional copies. Price to non-members, $4.00.
Seven back numbers of Augustan Reprints which have been listed as out-of-print now are available in limited supply: 15,19,41,77-78,79,81. Price per copy, $0.90 each; $1.80 for the double-issue 77-78.
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