“For better is a neighbour that is near, than a brother that is far off.”
To —
It is a good remark I have somewhere met with—that friendship is a plant of too delicate a nature to grow with any great degree of luxuriancy and fruitfulness in the soil of the human heart; but I ever wish to prize its buds, its blossoms, its fruit, its very leaves; but, above all, its divine root. We mayfind many profess much kindness in the warmth of prosperity; but these summer insects, like butterflies, disappear when the cold blasts of adversity and reproach strike off a few of our outward comforts. But while this is to be lamented, yet God has often raised up those who have been sincere in their professions of attachment to his people, in all ages, and who have firmly stood by them, and gave them all the assistance they were able, in the depth of their afflictions; nor have they been unrewarded, at least, many of them, even in this world—nor shall they be forgotten of the Lord in the last day.—Matt.xxv. and close.
Abraham had three faithful friends, Aner, Eschol, and Mamre. The Lord raised up a friend for Joseph in trouble, and for David in his deep affliction, and for the great apostle for whom he prays—that he, Onesiphorus, may find mercy in that day, for he hath oft refreshed me, and was not ashamed of my chain. Such friends are the gift of the Friend of Sinners, and such friendship is a part of conformity to his image; praying for one another in secret; reproving with meekness, but fidelity, when permitted to err; speaking well of each other, when absent, and helping each other in trouble, are the genuine fruits of divine love in the heart; and such I have found many: and, although opposed for their candour, affection, and liberality; yet, considering they had a just right to form an opinion of their own, so they had as much right to maintain the same. Narrow minds who form opinions by bare report, areeasily biassed, and generally bigotted; of course, such mean souls must persecute all who differ from them. This is the case in the professing world, at present; and it is much to be lamented. However, I have made free to inform you of some of those who have acted in a Christ-like manner to me in trouble, and have too much good sense to view me either as a perfect angel, or an incarnate devil; and to you I send these gingling rhymes:—
Onthe subject of friendship I beg leave to write,’Tis the joy of my heart, and my daily delight;Though but little is found, that is true and sincere,I think, in my case, an exception is clear.The God of all grace, on whom I depend,Has blessed his servant, with many a friend,Who have not been afraid, or ever asham’d,To esteem and to own him in sorrow and pain.One half of the faithful and firm I’ve forgot,And many besides, whose names I know not;Yetthosewho occur this moment to mind,My God will reward in their being so kind;And more so they’d be, if it laid in their pow’r,To soften my woes in this trying hour.May the love of the Lord, whichhebears tohissaints,Encourage their hearts, when ready to faintWith the cares, and the burdens, and griefs of the way,And acknowledge them all in the last trying day.See this promise so sweetly and clearly reveal’dBy the Head of the Church, in the great gospel field;Particularly inMatthew, the Saviour rehearsesIn 25th chapter, and some excellent verses.I must tell you ofHairbys, andElbro’sandPark,With aKnawler, aDuke, aSmith, and aClarke;AFossett, aGrumuat, and a kind-heartedTrail,Whose care and concern, like the Lord’s, never fail.Nor can I forget my friend, Mr.Denny,Who stood up for my good as undaunted as any.Our worthy clerk,Shelton, has oft stood the fire,When many in envy and rage did conspire.I feel much indebted to dear brotherGray,And all those beside, who preach and who pray;And fill up my place, that there might be no lackOf the gospel of grace, till God brings me back.With all those dear friends, who supply all my needs,KindMiller, her mother, and two worthyMeads;AnOsborne, aDavis, aHarrisandGower,Who on me and on mine their gifts often pour;AHarbro, aSweetland, andAllen, andKing,Who sometimes send favours, and sometimes they bring;And many also, who have well stood the brunt,APattison,Puddicombe,Hutchins, andHunt;Nor do I forget our friendHutchinson,As well as kindKings, some old and some young;AndWestbrook, andKnapp, who have oft took my part,AndWilliams, aFarley, andLondon, andSmart;ABoro, aBlake, and dear fatherBevan,With their partners in life, who are going to heaven;AndGoodmans, andRoberts, someHills, and aBell,AndThornton, andMansion, andEdwards, andDale.I remember, likewise, aHoughton, andField,With a firmfriendof their’s, who never would yieldTo the fabulous stuff, and ridiculous story,But remained as firm as the faithfulM. Morey.The names of aJones, and aChadsbyare dear,AndSalter, andLewis, andFrimbleysincere;ABrook, and aBradley, aBuhle, and aWise,A much-esteem’dFarmer, who ne’er has despis’d;AHedgecock, andLamb, who are both very kind,As such permanent friendship we seldom can find;And dear fatherElstub, andShires, andBooth,Who often endeavour my sorrows to soothe.I must mention some more, as they are so good,AWard, and aWhitear, who undaunted have stood;APaynter, aWaters, andCarpentertoo,With hisBrother, andFuller, andJennisontrue;MoreWatkins, andSmiths, who have well stood the fires,And old daddyFoyer, and two goodMarias;AParnicutt, andArcher, who have stood many rubbings,AndBarrett, andSteggall, andShephard, andStubbingsAnAtkins, aPollet, andFarrers, andThorn,And as faithful aWattsas ever was born;ABayles,a DennageaBates, and aBrown,Who are grieved to see my sad casting down;APaton, aChambers, aJuden, andPytches,AnOrchard, andHunter, who are seeking true riches;AJoseph, aJolliffe, aDruce, and aManger,A very kindMackie, andPerrins, andGranger;AndWilkins, andEaton, andFaro, andNorth,Who are lov’d by the Lord, and redeemed from wrath;WithMillingtons,Boltons, and dear Mrs.Round,And the much belov’dHans, whose care still abounds;The exercis’dRobinson,Ward,Nelson, andFord,AndMarshalandLucas, who’re trusting the Lord;With poorJenny Powell, andMartin, andFishers,AndDarby, andWilson, my very good wishers;AndFoster, andCourt, andDavies, andDee,AndMary, her friend, and kindBarbary;AndChapman, andCalow, andDavies, andReeds,And some very goodLawsons, who supply many needs;A dear friendlyGroom, andNapier, andSwindle,ATomlins, andMarshal, whose care does not dwindle;A much-esteem’dWalton, andneice, so sincere,And many besides, to my mind who are dear;AWright, and aPearson, andHepworth, andMott,Thus you see, my dear friends, I am not quite forgot;AndLeonard, andWallace, andMasland, and Pain,Who are praying, and waiting to hear me again;WithFreeman, andWilkins, andCornish, andSherman,Who love much to hear a real gospel sermon;AndDibley, andDudley, andTungate, andFleet,AndCandler, andKnox, whom I long much to meet;The very dear friends, whose names are call’dCross,Whom God has sustained in every loss;AndWilliams, andEves, whose hearts are kept single,AndUpstill, andMiles, aCook, and anIngle;With aMarch, and aBeat, and exercis’dGreen,Who often in sorrow and grief have me seen;And good Mrs.Butcher, andBaker, beside.Who have firmly stood for me, whatever betide;AndFairfleet, andTye, andWoodhouse, andLong,AndGoodly, hisbrother, and kindEsther Young;AndClaytons, andJackson, andLewis, andRose,AndThornton, andMiland, aBurnham, andHose;AndDrewet, andMars, andReardon, andAikin,Who have seen me cast down, but never forsaken;AndWoodward, andYoungs, andVenning, andHorner,Another friendBrown, and the tried Mrs.Warner;AWinch, and aHone, aTurner, andPool,The triedUnderdown, who is in the same school;The sincere Mrs.Grant, andMissen, andLeigman,The PaddingtonFriends, and old mammyBridgman;Good old Mrs.Clark, andThompson, andCowen,A very kindJohnson, andWhitehead, andOwen;The kind Mr.Wilson, and firm Mrs.Baily,AndPoulter, andBarns, who esteem’d me sincerely;But ’tis time I conclude this gingling writing,Not forgetting dadRound, and the sweet-temper’dWhiting;With a hundred besides, whose names I’ve forgot,But in the last day will stand in their lot.
Do not you think, in a few years time, I shall be as apt a poet, as good old Bunyan?
Please to regularly regulate these irregular irregularities.
I cannot conclude this letter without reminding you of the apostolic exhortation—“As we have opportunity, let us do good unto all men, but especially to the household of faith;” and if to this household we sow sparingly, we shall reap sparingly; and if we sow bountifully, we shall reap bountifully; and on this subject of kindness to God’s children,as such, our dear Lord declares—“He that receiveth a prophet, in the name of a prophet, shall receive a prophet’s reward; and he that receiveth a righteous man, in the name of a righteous man, shall receive a righteous man’s reward; and whosoever shall give unto one of these little ones a cup of cold water only, in the name of a disciple, verily I say unto you, he shall, in no wise, lose his reward.”—Matthew, x. 41, 42. And, very frequently, such are rewarded in this world, in temporal mercies, for the kindness they have shewn to the members of Christ. The widow of Sarepta, nourished the Prophet Elijah in her house, during the whole time of famine; and how did the Lord abundantly recompence her, by daily increasing her oil and meal, whereby her family was preserved; by restoring her son to life again, afterhis soul was departed; and by causing the prophet to continue with her many months, to feed her soul with spiritual, as she had his body with temporal food? How abundantly did the Lord recompence the Shunamite’s kindness to Elisha, by the gift of a child, after long barrenness; by restoring her son to life again; by forewarning her of approaching famine; and by restoring all she had lost by her long absence—her house and lands? God had blest Job with a merciful heart; and he relates what the Lord had enabled him to do—chap. xxix. and xxxi. And, although afterwards he was stripped of all he possessed, to answer the wise and gracious ends of God towards him; yet, we read, chap. xlii. that the Lord turned the captivity of Job, and gave him twice as much as he had before, and blessed his latter end more than his beginning. In the history of the apostle, Paul, we read of one Publius,Acts, xxviii. the chief man of the island of Malta, (where the apostle and many others were cast by shipwreck;) this kind man received Paul and his companions, and lodged them courteously. We read, soon afterwards, how the father of Publius, laying desperately sick of a fever and bloody flux, was recovered by St. Paul, and restored to his former health. So, likewise, the kindness which the barbarous people of that island shewed unto Paul and his fellow travellers, was recompensed with the cure of many of their sick bodies.
A thousand other instances might be produced, of ancient and of modern date. And, supposing noreward is experienced in this world, the God of truth has declared—“Thou shalt be recompensed in the resurrection of the just.” This is evident in the close ofMatthew, xxv.—“Inasmuch as ye did it unto the least of these, my brethren, ye did it unto me.”—No doubt the cruel tongue of fallen man may criticise and censure such conduct, but, acting from a motive of Bible love, such persons will meet with their reward: envy, detraction and cruelty is in the heart and conduct of thousands, but woe unto him by whom the offence,the slander, cometh—it had been better for him if he had never been born. But what are those whose tongues are worlds of iniquity, and whose teeth are swords and spears? As saith the Poet—
—“No, ’tis slander;Whose edge is sharper than the sword; whose tongueOutvenoms all the worms of Nile; whose breathRides on the posting winds, and doth belieAll corners of the world: kings,queens, and states,Maids, matrons, nay, the secrets of the graveThis viperous slander enters.”
—“No, ’tis slander;Whose edge is sharper than the sword; whose tongueOutvenoms all the worms of Nile; whose breathRides on the posting winds, and doth belieAll corners of the world: kings,queens, and states,Maids, matrons, nay, the secrets of the graveThis viperous slander enters.”
But the Redeemer saith—“And blessed is he that is not offended in me.”
Yours, J. C.
“And thou shalt remember all the way the Lord thy God hath led thee in the wilderness, these forty years, to prove thee and to humble thee.”
“And thou shalt remember all the way the Lord thy God hath led thee in the wilderness, these forty years, to prove thee and to humble thee.”
To —
Having complied with your request, in stating the brief account of myself, in infancy, youth, andmanhood, a few of theupsanddowns,insandouts,turningsandwindings, in a way of providence.—I can but look back with gratitude to that Divine hand that has led me, and kept, supported, upheld, and blest me. Having obtained needed but undeserved help, I continue to this day. For all my errors in life I take shame and confusion of face; and for all the mercies I have experienced, which I am sensible of, and the unnumbered mercies which I never apprehended; I bow my knees to the God of all grace, and say, “Not unto me, not unto me, but to thy name be all the glory.” And what can I say more? It well becometh the just to be thankful. Gratitude, blessing, and praise is the sacrifice of the heart and lips, which is due to God. The Lord be pleased to maintain this spirit in our minds. Gratitude is sometimes excited and led out by the retrospect we take of the Lord’s dealings with us, and discerning his love and wisdom in all his dispensations, however gloomy for the time; yet we can see it was right, uniform, though various. The blessed design towards us is to humble, try, and prove us, that we may know what is in our hearts; both to lament and to be thankful for, and that we may know the love of God’s heart towards us.
I have stated but a few of the many great things the Lord hath done for me; and no doubt many friends wish I had omitted some things which I have related, and had been a little more explicit on others. I may also see these improprieties myself, and correct them in my next edition.
I now proceed to give a short account of my spiritual experience, which I trust, will be a little more edifying than the former part of this little work. May the great Head of the Church make it so to his own children; and, if they reap the least benefit by reading, God shall have the praise. While I remain,
Yours, J. C.
END OF PART I.
Convictions—Strivings—Bondage—Liberty—Promises—Encouragements—Success in Ministry—Temptations—Deliverances—Answers to Prayer—Present Situation and Experience.
“And all thy children shall be taught of God.”
“And all thy children shall be taught of God.”
To —
As God is determined to bring all his dear people home to glory, as the objects of his everlasting love, the subjects of his eternal choice, as the predestinated to the adoption of sons, as the purchase of his blood, and as the preserved in Christ Jesus, so, the means for their preparation for that glory is clearly specified in the Word—“Without holiness no man shall see the Lord;”—and this holiness is the Lord Jesus, as the elect Head of the Church. The wisdom, righteousness, and sanctification of them; but there can be no supernatural knowledge or enjoyment ofthe adorable Saviour, in this or in a coming world, till we are born again by the Spirit. It is the high privilege of God’s elect to be saved in the Lord with an everlasting salvation; but they must be born again toknowit. The elect people of God stand complete in Christ, before the Father; they are one in him, and with him; they are eternally pardoned and justified in Christ, and by Christ; but they must be born again to apprehend, lay hold, and be spiritually acquainted with those things; for Divine Truth has asserted—“Verily, I say unto you, except a man be born again, he cannot see [enjoy] the kingdom of heaven.” Men may profess much, talk well, write well, and preach well; but they are still in nature’s darkness, except this change has passed on them. This is called a new birth, a new creature, the good work, a translation, a calling, a transforming, a renewing: but, let this work go by what name it may, it is simply a change ofstate, and a change ofprinciples, which produces a change ofconduct. It is not a change of nature, but of state. Our sinful nature experiences no change; it is bridled, restrained, ruled, and kept in, but it is nature still. Neither is it any change on the body; only the members, through grace, are used in the service of God. I once thought this divine change was a change of nature. I once thought the body was the old man of sin; and no heart can conceive the labour, toil, tears, fastings, fears, horrors, and pains I have experienced, in consequence of these mistakes, which is nothing but labour in vain; forthis Ethiopian cannot change his skin, nor this leopard his spots. That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and will remain so.
The dear people of God are viewed complete in Christ, and their salvation is the joint work of the Most Holy Trinity: man has no hand in the business. We had no hand in the first creation, and we have none in the second. O, that I had known this at first; what bondage and distress it would have saved me from! It is also a glorious truth, that Christ has finished the work of salvation; that he has stood in our law-place; that he has fulfilled the law, and that we have nothing to do with it as a covenant of works. The Lord Jesus, as the surety of his church, has put away sin by the sacrifice of himself, and is gone to heaven to plead our cause before the Father. Had I known the everlasting virtue of his blood, or the glory of his obedience, O, what soul distresses should I have escaped! but when just wrought upon by the Spirit, sitting under a blind ministry, and reading legal blind authors, it is not to be wondered at that a soul should beheld in bondage. It was my case for some time; and even after I had heard, and, in a measure, received the truth, still the devil was permitted to deceive me with a sad snare, till the Lord led me to see the difference between the work of the Spirit and the moving of the natural passions; the difference between the love of God and those inordinate affections which led me into error. I would to God I possessed ability to point out to you these thingsclearly, that you and all God’s dear people might see the snare, and be delivered from it: for, truly in vain is the snare laid in the sight of any bird.
The want of the knowledge of the glorious plan of the gospel was the occasion of much distress to my soul; and a want of the knowledge of the devices of the devil, held me long in bondage and sorrow. Oh, what a mercy to be made wise unto present and eternal salvation. But I beg leave here to observe, the Holy Spirit is a sovereign in all his dispensations of grace in the hearts of his dear people. He hath said, “I will dwell in thee, and all thy children shall be taught of God;” but there are very few, I humbly conceive, can possibly tell the precise time when the Spirit enters the soul; this is known but by few, except in very singular cases, such as Manasseh, Mary Magdalen, the converted thief, the apostle Paul, the Philippian Jailor, and such persons whose conversion is very conspicuous and remarkable. But, in general, the Lord, the holy and condescending Spirit, seems (if I may be allowed the expression) to hover over those he intends effectually to call out of darkness into marvellous light, till that time is come, that his in-dwelling takes place, and the work is manifest to the soul, and to others around. Many are impressed in infancy; some by dreams; others by deep afflictions; and some have actually received the Spirit of God in the womb, as Jeremiah and John the Baptist.
The greatest part of God’s children in the church can, perhaps, remember some very early impressionsalthough they have not had the real work made clear to them for many years afterwards. Hence the work on the heart is called a birth—the soul is united to Christ in an everlasting covenant; the seed is the word, the quickening is the life put forth; and there is a longing to bring forth—that is, to see our interest in Christ—to see our sins pardoned—to feel peace with God, and to be blest with the clear witness of the Spirit, that we belong to God. Some labour long, some are more quick and easy; some souls have had bad attendants, ministers, books, and friends, who, as Job says, knew not the way to the vineyard;—and Solomon says, “They know not the way to the city.” But the Lord takes this work in his own hand, and he will perfect that which concerneth us; he will not forsake this work of his own hands.
I beg you to observe, the soul is the seat of the new man; it is not the creation of a new soul, but it is a divine in-dwelling of the Spirit; a partaking of a divine nature. This is the new bottle which the Saviour alludes to, which alone can hold the gracious manifestations of divine love, and all the truth, as it is in Jesus. This is the new heart, and the right spirit, and it consists in these five things—
1st.—Divine light in the understanding; this is secret and gradual.
2nd.—Divine life in the will; a quickening, powerful influence, which begets holy desires that nothing can satisfy, but a covenant God in Christ.—Isaiah, lxvi.
3rd.—Divine love, or holy affection for the Saviour, his person, work, ways, word, and people.
4th.—A quickened conscience, made sensible of pardon, and favoured with holy peace with God, through the atonement and righteousness of the Mediator.
5th.—The witness of the Spirit, by the Word, to the heart, proving the work on the soul to be genuine.
I do not say this witness of the Spirit is essential toconstitutethe new man; but it is essential to theknowledgeof this blessed work on the soul. These five capital blessings are the evidences of our union to Christ, as the Head of the Church, and the Saviour of the body: and, as God the Holy Spirit shall condescend to bring things to my remembrance, and shed a radiance on the heavenly path, so I will relate it in as few words as I can.
May he bless you with all that is implied in that sweet promise, and thine age shall be clearer than the noon day; thou shalt shine forth; thou shalt be as the morning.
Yours, truly, J. C.
“Thou leddest thy people like a flock of sheep, by the hands of Moses and Aaron.”
“Thou leddest thy people like a flock of sheep, by the hands of Moses and Aaron.”
To —
From a very early period the Lord began to work on my mind. I was bred up to the Church ofEngland, to which I was so superstitiously attached, that I held the two clergymen who officiated in that place in their sacerdotals, as angels; and I do think, had they spoken to me, when I was a boy, in their full robes, I should almost have swooned. But, alas! I have since seen they were neither angels of God nor of the churches; for, perhaps, there could not be two darker guides in the church than they were.
I was, at times, most seriously imprest with thoughts of God, heaven, and hell; and was, in some measure, convinced of the evil of external sin. As long as I can remember, I punctually attended to the prayers of the church, and read them with much seeming devotion, not only at church, but at other times. As I grew up, I got more hardened in sin and folly, yet natural conscience never let me alone; I was, at times, closely followed up by legal convictions, which drove me to say many prayers, while the thoughts of God’s anger, the hour of death, the day of judgment, the horrors of hell, and the views of eternity, quite sunk my spirits. Nor could I shake these thoughts of eternity off, which I often tried to do, by youthful pastimes. Gloomy fears would often seize my mind, till I dreaded to be alone; night was often a terror; but I endeavoured to patch up a peace with God, by vows to be better, by dragging through duties, such as reading prayers, saying the Belief, and keeping the Prayer Book in my pocket by day, and under my pillow by night.
When I was about 14 years of age, there was to bea confirmation by the bishop, at St. George’s church, Hanover-square: I was advised to go, and was endeavouring to prepare myself for this solemn act—but having a perpetual sense of some sins upon my mind, I could not, in conscience, go. I attempted to satisfy conscience, and to please God by my constant attendance on the church, and by my prayers and reading; but, alas! it was all in vain. I found these insufficient. I bought the “Whole Duty of Man,”[164]and sometimes laboured hard with that;the “Christian Monitor,” and several other such wretched books; Allen and Baxter’s “Alarm to the Unconverted;” which left me just as I was, as they have thousands of the unconverted beside. But, as to the gospel plan of salvation, I knew no more about it than the poor heathen in foreign climes.
The family in which I lived were inimical to the gospel; they hated and persecuted all that dissented from the church, or professed religion. I had often heard them jeer the Methodists, for so religious people are called, whether Churchmen or Dissenters, and represent them as enemies to the church, to which I was so warmly attached. I also enquired what these people believed, and gained a most frightful description of them: as first, they prayed and preached without a book, except the Bible; that the preachers were only common ignorant mechanics; that they believed God had made some men to be saved, do what they would, and others to be damned, if they were ever so good; that they believed in three Gods;and that a man could not be saved, if he repented and did a thousand good works; and, in short, that they were all hypocrites together.
These lies and misrepresentations were instilled into my mind, against the true followers of Christ. For some years I felt my enmity in my heart against them, and would have had them all banished the country, if I could. I have stood at the door of the house, and been grieved to see the people go to the meeting. My hatred rose against them in an awful manner; nor would I, for all the world, go into any chapel belonging to them; for I was told, if a person went in, they would catch their infection directly.
Alas! how awfully blind is man, by nature! an enemy in his mind, by wicked works. This is the true state of the case; and, a person dying in this state, cannot see the face of God. However, the Lord had mercy on me, and brought me acquainted with thetruthswhich I once hated; theGodI had sinned against; and to love and esteem thepeopleI had despised. This is, indeed, bringing a man out of darkness into marvellous light; and it well may be calledmarvellous,astonishing,rich, andfree. And sure I am, that every man destitute of the converting grace of God, is in just the same state which I was. Although they know it not, a mere profession of the gospel does not alter the secret enmity to God and his people. It is an awful thing to have such enmity, but it is a special mercy to see it; and, above all, to feel it, removed by the power of truth, and the sovereign love of God, in Christ Jesus, to us:—this wasmy sad case. A slave to sin, an enemy to God, plunged in darkness, no acquaintance with the gospel, and kept from hearing it, by pride, prejudice, and carnal enmity. Yet I passed as a very serous and devout youth, among many: it is true, I did not run into particular excesses, but no thanks to me for neither my situation nor my pocket would let me; yet my youthful follies and enmity would have damned me, if I had died in that state: but the family in which I lived were at this time taken up with the lying system of Swedenbourg, called the New Jerusalem. I begged leave, one evening, to go to their chapel; this pleased me highly, as there were written prayers and sermons, with good music, and pretty singing. I read some of their books, and soon imbibed their notions of the Trinity, which were as far from truth as heaven is from hell. They denied the personality of the Father, and the adorable Spirit, and Christ crucified, as the object of religious worship, only Christ as glorified; alledging that Christ is the only divine person in the Trinity, and that he is the Trinity itself. Hence their form of baptism reads thus:—
“I baptize thee in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ; who is at once both Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen.”
“I baptize thee in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ; who is at once both Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen.”
This is holding a lie; and those who go down to the grave with this falsehood, where God is they never can come. The Father teaches us out of his law, clothes us with the righteousness of his dear Son, and draws us to Christ, while the Holy Spiritshews us the excellency, glory, and suitableness of Christ, and, in due time, bears his witness to our consciences, that we are born of God; and those who are thus taught, learn the doctrine of the Trinity experimentally. “For there are three that bear record in heaven, the Father, the Word, and the Holy Spirit, and these three are one.” The Lord graciously communicates the three-fold witness to the souls of his own dear people; the Spirit, the water of eternal love, and the precious work of Christ, as the atonement, and righteousness of the church.—And that believer who is thus favoured, has the mark of heaven upon him, he is renewed into the image of Christ, and will be owned by him in the last day.
What shall I render to the Lord for this teaching? A thousand notions of the doctrine of the Trinity, however clear they may be, will never bring a man to heaven; he must have the love of the Father in his heart, and the blood of atonement in his conscience, by the operation of the Eternal Spirit. This, and this only, is real heart-felt religion, which will stand the test in life, death, judgment, and eternity.
Yours, J. C.
“But all things that are reproved, are made manifest by the light: for, whatsoever maketh manifest, is light.”
“But all things that are reproved, are made manifest by the light: for, whatsoever maketh manifest, is light.”
To —
The New Jerusalem folks leaving the neighbourhood, I was again obliged to return to the church:this seemed heavy and dull to me; and convictions abiding with me of my lost state, I could not satisfy conscience, nor find peace with God, nor victory over my sins, by all my legal performances. I was, at times, truly wretched; yet it appeared right to me, that as I had offended God by sin, I should do some good works[169]—though, alas! I found all my best works stained by falling into sin again; still I strove to watch over my thoughts, words, and actions—yet, often led captive by sin, I was made truly miserable.
About this time I fell in company with several pious persons; amongst them was an aged disciple, a hearer of Mr. Romaine, who advised me, by all means, to go and hear the gospel; but, as it was not preached in any parish church orchapelnear me, but one, and I was forbidden to go to a meeting, I knew not what to do; but the above person directed me where I might hear Mr. Romaine, which Ipromised to do, the first Sunday I could get out: but, alas! before that time came, dear Mr. Romaine was gone to glory. I sought, however, for an opportunity of hearing the gospel, for I was tired with hearing sermons read on mere morality at the church.
It was during the hard and severe winter of 1795, that I first heard the words of this life. I was sent on an errand, one Lord’s-day evening, in the month of March, and passing by Mr. Huntington’s chapel, it being the only chapel in the neighbourhood where the gospel was preached, I heard the congregation singing; and as it was night, I thought I should not be seen by any one who knew me, and I therefore ventured in. The good man arose, and took his text, which was in the 3rd chapter ofZephaniah, 18, 19, 20. The minister began his sermon about light, I suppose, from the context. What he said I know not; but this I know, I felt as though a ray of light entered into my mind, in a most sensible manner. The scales fell off from my eyes, and I was dissolved into tears: although the text, I believe, was not to be fully accomplished in my experience for many years after. I dumbly apprehend this light was the beginning of my spiritual birth; all convictions, before this period, were attended with bondage, and much legal striving, to obtain the favor of God, by working hard for it; ignorance of the way of salvation; and enmity of the heart against the truth and people of God: but, from this period, I am able to date a change—for, instead of the hatredI had, for some years to the Lord’s people, truth, and ways, I lost my prejudice, and was indeed most warmly attached to the few whom I knew professed the gospel. I read the Word, and what evangelical books were lent me, with new eyes; I saw the minister and people, whom I had despised, in a very different light, and would have given ten thousand worlds to be like them; I saw the excellency, suitableness, and beauty of the Saviour; the importance of the knowledge of God, and the value of pardoning mercy so clearly, that I think I could have died a martyr to see my interest in Christ. I was brought on, gradually, to understand the plan of salvation; the doctrines of the gospel began to open to my wondering view; I found the truth in my mind, like the rising of the light of the day, it shone more and more—and, as I saw it, I loved it, prayed to feel its power, and ran to hear it when I could—though this was chiefly by stealth, for fear of persecution: but, although we ought never to court persecution, yet it is folly to run from it.
The change I had experienced in my mind and views, was soon discovered, and no small trouble I gained by it; I was strictly forbidden to hear the Word, and was frequently horsewhipped for going to the meeting, with innumerable jeers and scoffs: this tried me a little; I waxed more bold in the ways of God, and endeavoured to avoid giving any just cause of offence; but I found their carnal hearts, as mine was, at enmity with God; and I must confess, that persecution for the truth sake isoften attended with a peace that the world knows nothing of. The Lord carried on his own work, and gave me to see, Christ crucified was the only way to God, to holiness, and heaven. It was not long after I had heard the Word, that I stole away at times to Tottenham-court Chapel, and heard a very solemn sermon, I believe by Mr. Durant, onIsaiah, xxvi. and last verses; also, soon after, by Mr. Groves, on the second coming of the Saviour. These were awful subjects, and were attended with stirring me up, to plead hard that I might see my sins pardoned, and my interest clear in the love of God.
There is one particular circumstance I shall never forget, which I cannot suppress, as it is warm in my mind, being previously tinctured with Swedenbourgian notions—the Lord not only began to open my mind, to receive the truth, but gave me a most affecting sight of the Saviour, in open vision, in suffering circumstances. I had run to the above place of worship, and Mr. Parsons had delivered a very affecting sermon on, “He, bearing his cross, went forth to a place called Golgotha;” but, alas! I was hard as a stone, during the sermon. At the close, this hymn of (Mr. Whitfield’s Collection) was given out—
“When I survey the wond’rous crossOn which the Prince of Glory died”—
“When I survey the wond’rous crossOn which the Prince of Glory died”—
That moment I was favoured with a most solemn and affecting vision of the Saviour on the cross, apparently suspended between the roof of the chapeland the gallery opposite to where I stood; his sacred body appeared of a bluish hue, apparently with the bruises he had received; and the blood appeared to be fresh as it was shed from his hands, his head, his feet, and his side. This continued a few moments, clearly presented to me. I put my hat to my face, to conceal my tears from those around me, and returned home, musing on the affecting sight. But this was not attended with any assurance of salvation, nor could I yet see my interest inhim, nor callhimmine; but it left me more than ever anxious to know the truth clearer, as it is in Jesus. I told an old experimental Christian of it, some time after, and she told me, she had no doubt it was a signal of, my spiritual birth, and that I should one day be called, perhaps, to preach a crucified Saviour to others.
I do not pretend to say this vision was any part of my salvation, but surely it was a token for good; and no heart can conceive the sacred joy I felt some time afterwards, in reading the history of the conversion of Constantine the Great, by a sight of the cross in the air; and the vision of a crucified Saviour, which was given to Colonel Gardiner; Mr. Connick’s and Mr. Hart’s experience; and the affecting views given those good men of the Lord Jesus, in his suffering circumstances. Isaiah saw the same; but Daniel, Ezekiel, and John saw the dear Saviour, as glorified. However, the Spirit leading us into all truth, and glorifying Christ, by shewing us his salvation, is the one thing needful.
Adieu. J. C.
“Seek ye me, and ye shall live, saith the Lord.”
“Seek ye me, and ye shall live, saith the Lord.”
To —
Various were my frames, changes, fears, doubts, and hopes, till I could ascertain my “Title clear to mansions in the skies.” Nothing, I thought, could possibly make me sensible of this, and the pardon of my sins, but some powerful voice from heaven, or some wonderful appearance of the Saviour to me, in a visible form. I have sat a long time together, looking up in the air for some glorious visions of Christ; then I thought the Lord would assure me of pardon; then I hoped he would take away the power of sin, and so effectually subdue it, that I should never sin any more. This was my hope and expectation; for this I prayed constantly and fervently—and having read of the various appearances of the Saviour to some good men, and that conversion was a change of nature, I had a pleasing hope that this would one day be my happy lot. When sin overcame me, then I despaired of such a favour, and when could pray well, and walk strictly holy, then my hopes were big:—in this way I went on for many months, even though I sat under the sound of the gospel. But who could have thought this was all delusion: I found it to be so after; and have often wondered I could be so blind, when I had not the least promise of any such revelations, or such a change of nature. Many, who have been deluded with wonderful visions, and others who have boostedof this change of nature, and have got almost perfect, have since turned out perfect devils. My soul was, however, very anxious to be saved; and continuing under the gospel, whenever I could hear it, my judgement got pretty clearly furnished. I was led to see the glorious doctrines of the Trinity; eternal election; the atonement; and imputed righteousness of the Saviour, the necessity of the Spirit’s work, and the doctrine of the final perseverance of the saints.—These precious truths gradually opened to my view;butthe power of sin, attended with a sense of guilt; the sense of God’s anger; the fears of death; the solemnities of the last great day; and an awful eternity, often sunk my mind: my heart, at times, meditated terror, and experienced many real and imaginary horrors. When I looked at the holy law, it condemned me; and when it was opened to me, in its spirituality, I found that it reached to the thoughts and intents of the heart; then I died to all hope of salvation by that law; the Lord searched my heart, and shewed me some of the evils that were in it; I saw the justice of God in my condemnation, and was angry with God that I was ever created; and, as many others have, so I envied theprettybirds and thebrutecreation, because they had no souls, no day of judgment, nor any angry God to meet. If I read the New Testament, I was just as bad off, as that cut me to the heart; for there I read—“He that believeth not shall be damned; he that believeth not is condemned already;” and, as Ihad made a profession: the following text was dreadful to my mind—“If we sin wilfully, after we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sin.” These awful texts were like swords in my heart; and when I reflected that God was immutable, that he could not change, that he is one mind, and I could not turn him by all my prayers, cries, or intreaties; these things, and the power and guilt of sin, I still felt with a deep sense of my own weakness and inability to do any thing that was good. I say this complication of awful convictions fell, at times, very deeply upon my mind. I knew, indeed, that Christ was able to save me, but I had no idea of his willingness: it was not with me now, whether Iwouldbe saved or not; but whether Christwouldsave me? Here was no free-will in the business; I found it was not of him that willeth, nor of him that runneth, for I did both—but of God, which sheweth mercy. Here, all the wooing and beseeching to close with Christ, which we hear from the pulpit, I found to be folly and madness; as well as the doctrine of universal salvation and redemption; for I could not believe that the Saviour died for me—and yet, amidst all these sensations, I was often encouraged by the Word, and the good conversation of others, especially by such promises as these: “Those that seek me early shall find me;” “Your heart shall live that seek God;” “Seek and ye shall find;” “Him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out.”
I remember once opening upon a hymn, in Mr. Whitfield’s Collection, and found these two lines—
“It was forsinnersJesus died,Then sure I heard he died for me.”
“It was forsinnersJesus died,Then sure I heard he died for me.”
In a moment I felt a sensible ray of hope spring up in my heart, upon the ground of the atonement, and I think I have never lost that hope to this day: the Lord led me through all this soul travail, to see my need of a Mediator; one to stand in the gap; one that was able to lay his hands on both parties; God with God, and man with man; and I was at times highly favored with very precious views of Christ, in his offices and characters; yet I constantly feared I should die before I could see my interest in him, and before I could believe in him, though I believed in him all the while. Yet I could not see, at that time, the difference betweenfaithandsense, orfaithand theendof faith. I did not know there was any difference betweenfaith, theassuranceof faith, and thefull assuranceof faith.
One Sunday morning I heard Mr. Huntington, onSong, iii. 11. Oh, what a sweet morning it was to me! I had such a glorious view of the dear Saviour, that I would have given the universe for ability to call him mine. But this sweet view went off, the veil closed again, and sin was ever before me. At times I could open my mind freely, at the throne of grace; at other times I was so shut up that I thought it of no use; sometimes I was filled with desires, longings, hungerings, and thirstings afterChrist; and then I was left in barrenness, carnal ease, and a dead calm, till sin was felt again, and my distress increased. This one thing I found awfully true—
“The more I strove against sin’s power,I sinned and stumbled yet the more.”
“The more I strove against sin’s power,I sinned and stumbled yet the more.”
I found my strength perfect weakness; and sin, guilt, and satan, too strong for human ability. I had many temptations to disbelieve the Bible, to doubt the very being of a God, and to entertain very hard thoughts of him. I felt my rebellion rise, and found I was an enemy in my nature and practice. These things troubled my spirit; yet the preaching of the Word, at times, sweetly encouraged me to hope. I endeavoured to subdue sin, by various stratagems, but I found it was all toiling up Labour-in-vain Hill; and being beat out of every refuge, sinking in the miry clay; and finding the horrible pit, in some degree, but not so deep as many have, I longed to be brought to a point about my state; to see my sins pardoned; my interest clear; God reconciled and well pleased with me, in Christ. I was, indeed, come to the birth, but had not yet strength to bring forth. Yet none shall shut their doors, or kindle a fire on God’s altar for nought. Those whom he chastens he will give rest to; and those who seek him shall find him, sooner or later. “For the needy shall not always be forgotten; the expectation of the poor shall not perish for ever.”
Yours, J. C.
These sweet lines were whispered to my soul with joy:—
“The vision is for an appointed time; thoughittarry, wait forit;itwill surely come,itwill not tarry.” For,“The time of love will come,Whenthoushalt clearly see,Not only that he shed his blood.But that it flow’d forthee.”“For the children are come to the birth, but they have not strength to bring forth.”“Shall I cause to travail, and not cause to bring forth? saith thy God.”
“The vision is for an appointed time; thoughittarry, wait forit;itwill surely come,itwill not tarry.” For,
“The time of love will come,Whenthoushalt clearly see,Not only that he shed his blood.But that it flow’d forthee.”
“For the children are come to the birth, but they have not strength to bring forth.”
“Shall I cause to travail, and not cause to bring forth? saith thy God.”
I hope you are so well versed in Scripture that you know where these precious texts lay, without my directing you.
“Thou hast manifested thy name to the men thou gavest me out of the world.”
“Thou hast manifested thy name to the men thou gavest me out of the world.”
To —
What the Holy Spirit has declared in his Word, all the Lord’s children find most blessed; the Lord is good to them that wait for him; to the soul that seeketh him. I have often found it very blessed towaitforthe Lord; in waiting on him. And this verse of Good Mr. Toplady’s was sweet to my soul:—
“But, Lord, if thou ne’er hast design’dNo covenant blessing for me;Then tell me how it is I findSuch a sweetness in waiting for thee?”
“But, Lord, if thou ne’er hast design’dNo covenant blessing for me;Then tell me how it is I findSuch a sweetness in waiting for thee?”
The Lord will arise, in his own time, and have mercy upon Zion, when the set time to favour her is come. And so I found it; for, one Friday morning, while working at my business, as well as I can remember, I was exceedingly low in mind, ruminating over my uncomfortable mind and feelings, I could truly say I was brought very low—when, suddenly, these words were darted into my mind—“The Son of man is come to savethatwhich was lost.” This was attended with such light and power as to astonish me. I instantly felt sweet liberty of mind; I was deeply affected, sweetly melted, and at the same time filled with gratitude, peace, and joy. I saw the wonderous love of God, in sending his dear Son, and the vast infinite grace, mercy, and condescension of the dear Saviour, in the errand on which he came. I was overwhelmed with holy surprise, while the words in their power and sweetness continued with me, and made it personal, in the termthatwhich was lost. I knew God had shewn me, in some measure, that I was a poor lost sinner, guilty and hell-deserving; that I had no might or power to subdue one sin, although I had made a thousand vowsand resolutions; but every thing I could say, every argument I could use against myself, was of no use. The heavenly sensation was so powerful, that it bore down all before it, and continued with me all that day, and the day following, although not with equal power. I was now brought to a point about my state; I knew, without a doubt, the Saviour loved, came, lived, and died for me. I could truly say I loved him, and could rejoice in his salvation; his kind heart was open to me, and I held a sweet and rapturous communion with him. On the Monday following I felt this in a measure abated, and went to Providence Chanel; but, as soon as the text was named, I felt determined to leave the place: it was—“Cast out the bond woman and her son.” I had heard the text taken by the good man once before, and I thought we were going to have another controversial sermon on the moral law—bring tired of that subject, I was fearful I should lose my comfortable frame; but I was happily disappointed, for the minister opened the subject in such a clear and glorious manner, by describing the liberty of the children of God, that I was fully confirmed in the work of God on my soul; the remembrance of this is still sweet and precious. My joy was full, and at the close of the sermon I fled from every one, lest I should see any one I knew; I wanted to speak to no living creature, but to enjoy fellowship with the Saviour. I have often thought how much I should like to have gone home to glory at that time; but, alas! many sorrows of body, soul,and circumstances, were my destined lot; which has often made me ask, in fits of rebellion—
“Are these the blessings we expect,Is this the lot of thine elect?”
“Are these the blessings we expect,Is this the lot of thine elect?”
This heavenly frame subsided, but it left a sweet confidence behind, which I have never fully lost, as my faith and confidence was often fed by the Word of God; and, indeed, faith can feast upon nothing else.
I now began to read and hear, as it were, with new eyes and ears. The doctrines of the gospel were now precious to my soul. I admired them before, but I ate them now: as Jeremiah words it—“Thy words were found, and I did eat them, and they were the rejoicing of my heart.” And I must speak it to the honour of God, that, although he has favored me with many blessed tokens of his love, many precious promises, enlargements, and views, but none so powerful as the first; yet there was enough power in them to bring me to the Saviour, and to prove the reality of the work of God on my soul. My grand business was now to gain all the spiritual knowledge I could; and the Lord soon after this led me into my public work, which I thought would be attended with a great increase of holiness of nature and life, of devotedness to God, and of an opportunity of studying his word; but I found, instead of an increase of holiness of nature an increase of sin. Not that I was more sinful, but had greater discoveries of it; and, instead of gettingstronger in the service of God, I felt my strength perfect weakness. Popularity, noise, company, and bustle, stripped me of all my savouriness, and I was long left to struggle with my old sin again. Yet the Lord gave testimony to the word of his grace, and gave me liberty of speech, to the wonder of many, who knew my origin, and the scantiness of my education. The Lord never left me a moment, in my public work, to confusion, but was with me in some way or other, every time I stood up; and when I have gone to my work in the pulpit, frequently in bondage, darkness, and sorrow, my nervous system weak, and satan permitted to harrass me sorely, to the giving out my text; even then I have had the most blessed seasons, and at the close of my sermons could only fall on my knees, adoring and praising a long-suffering and a faithful God. On this subject I need not enlarge, as those who are in the work of the ministry well know what it is to pass through many painful seasons, and how graciously the Lord appears for them. Sometimes the work of God has been so very low in my mind, that I could scarcely trace a vestige of it; this has sunk my heart, till the Lord has appeared again, and renewed the work, led my mind out again to the Saviour, melted me with his love, and favored me with his more sensible presence. Hence the prophet prayed—“Oh, Lord, revive thy work in the midst of the years.” Pious Ezra calls it “a little reviving in our bondage;” and David prays, “Wilt thou not revive us again?” This is what the apostle calls the renewing of theHoly Ghost. The work is perfect in all its parts, when first began, but it must be brought forth into act and exercise; it must be seen and known, God the Holy Spirit must maintain it, and keep it up; and this is done by his secret influence. “I will water them every moment, and keep them night and day.” How this is done I know not; but it is our mercy it is so, and will be perfected, while a dear Redeemer pleads in heaven.—“I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not.”
Yours, J. C.
“The righteous shall hold on his way, and he that hath clean hands shall wax stronger and stronger.”
“The righteous shall hold on his way, and he that hath clean hands shall wax stronger and stronger.”
To —
It is our mercy, the Holy Spirit, in the hearts of God’s children, is given to them toabidewith them. Never willheleave his own to the power of sin or to satan. The Psalmist was blest with this confidence when he said—“The Lord will perfect that which concerned me; forsake not the work of thy hands; thy mercy, O Lord, endureth for ever.” This is explained by the apostle being confident of this very thing, thathewho hath begun the good work will perform it, until the day of Jesus Christ; and hence Solomon says—“I know that what God doeth is for ever, nothing shall be taken from it, or added to it; and he doeth it that men should fear beforehim.” This work, in the first operation, isregeneration, and its continuance issanctification; its effect isconversion, and its renewing, after dead and dark seasons, is arevival. Many such I have experienced; which, to relate, would swell this memoir to a vast volume. There is one particular circumstance, among many, which I must here relate, although you are already in possession of the account in my little work, “The Voice of Faith in the Valley of Achor:”—
“After I had been in this furnace some weeks, in which I felt as others do in similar cases, much grief, anger, rebellion, and discontent, but not quite without a spirit of prayer that I might be favored with the very gracious visits of the Saviour, and a sense of God’s approbation in my own soul, though despised by others, I entreated the Lord to shew me the exceeding sinfulness of sin, as well as I could bear it; for I am convinced no man could ever behold sin in all its malignity—none but the God-Man could bear that—yet I desired to see sin as most abominable in God’s sight. These petitions were in time answered; the Lord led me to reflect deeply, in my retired moments, on the nature of sin, original and actual.—This knowledge of it increased, till one evening, being alone, I was most completely overpowered with a solemn stillness of spirit, a view of sin, my own sins of heart, lip, and life; these crowded into my mind. I felt guilty. I stood condemned. I had a fearful apprehension of God’s just displeasure; all was dark within, exceptsin and the anger of God—these were clear enough; horror overwhelmed me, and I sunk low at the footstool of divine mercy; I feared, I trembled, I was brought low, I was troubled. I saw nothing of a Saviour, though I had so often preached about him. Head notions were nothing now—past experience was hid, and every gracious promise of the Bible was closed up for a time. What a state to be in! But I believe this was drinking of the bitter cup our Saviour drank so deeply; this was, in one sense, being crucified with Christ, and having fellowship with him in his sufferings. These feelings will give a man a real understanding of all those texts which refer to soul trouble, in the book of Job, the Psalms of David, feelings of Jeremiah, and, perhaps, what Paul felt during the three days he was without sight, and did neither eat nor drink. These feelings will make me sympathise with the soul that is afflicted, and experiences the terrors of the Almighty.But I do esteem it among my many special favors, this did not continue but part of a night. I sunk down in shame and distress, condemning myself, and acknowledging the justice of God in my condemnation. But while in this state, thus broken, contrite, and filled with holy awe, I was kept pleading for mercy—present mercy as well as future. While on my knees prostrate, as Elijah on another occasion, or, as Jeremiah words it—putting my mouth in the dust;—and although I really was filled with fear lest I should be cut off, yet at this very time the Lord gently led my mind, or ratherbrought the following words very softly to my heart: they were at first seemingly at a distance, but drew nearer as I listened and observed them. The words were, ‘I have caused thine iniquities to pass from thee, and have clothed thee with change of raiment.’ I observed my mind could not gladly receive this sentence, fearing presumption—but they still followed me, and abode with me, till the horror, terror, fears, and darkness gradually dispersed, and my mind was enabled so far to receive them as to cause a present ease, which continued with me a few days longer. I found the peace they brought with them continue, and I was in a small degree helped to believe they were from God to me, and as much mine as they were Joshua’s, to whom they were spoken; but though my thoughts were in a measure fixed upon them, yet I was not without being assaulted with some misgivings of heart. I concluded it best to entreat the Lord to shew me this more powerfully, and not only to put the words in my mind, but to write them so effectually that I might know, without the shadow of a doubt, I was actually interested in the capital blessings the words contained. This was most divinely manifested in a few days afterwards, as I was in the act of reading some remarks of the truly excellent Mr. Toplady, on Justification by the imputed Righteousness of the adorable God-Man. I was actually overcome with a sweet surprise of the love of God to me in Christ Jesus, making his dear Son a sin offering, and his people righteousness in him. I was enabled to feelsuch solid peace, holy joy, and sacred pleasure in my soul as can never be described by tongue or pen. I was melted by the power of his love, and indulged with such access to God, that every doubt, fear, and misgiving of heart, was removed. I saw, I knew, I felt that I was reconciled to God, and that God was my Father, my Saviour, my Comforter.—Oh, that I had then sunk into the arms of death! O that I had been permitted to take my flight! At that time the Saviour had engaged my heart, nor could I then have sinned against him for the world. I want many such sweet manifestations of his sensible presence; and I can assure you, painful as my situation is, I would gladly endure it again for such enjoyments. But I must observe, these blessed seasons are unknown to carnal professors, and never enjoyed, even by the favorites of heaven, while in a light, careless, carnal frame of soul; no—the promise runs thus, ‘To this man will I look, (and surely it was a look of love which I experienced) and with him will I dwell, who is poor and of a contrite heart, and that trembles at my word.’”
“After I had been in this furnace some weeks, in which I felt as others do in similar cases, much grief, anger, rebellion, and discontent, but not quite without a spirit of prayer that I might be favored with the very gracious visits of the Saviour, and a sense of God’s approbation in my own soul, though despised by others, I entreated the Lord to shew me the exceeding sinfulness of sin, as well as I could bear it; for I am convinced no man could ever behold sin in all its malignity—none but the God-Man could bear that—yet I desired to see sin as most abominable in God’s sight. These petitions were in time answered; the Lord led me to reflect deeply, in my retired moments, on the nature of sin, original and actual.—This knowledge of it increased, till one evening, being alone, I was most completely overpowered with a solemn stillness of spirit, a view of sin, my own sins of heart, lip, and life; these crowded into my mind. I felt guilty. I stood condemned. I had a fearful apprehension of God’s just displeasure; all was dark within, exceptsin and the anger of God—these were clear enough; horror overwhelmed me, and I sunk low at the footstool of divine mercy; I feared, I trembled, I was brought low, I was troubled. I saw nothing of a Saviour, though I had so often preached about him. Head notions were nothing now—past experience was hid, and every gracious promise of the Bible was closed up for a time. What a state to be in! But I believe this was drinking of the bitter cup our Saviour drank so deeply; this was, in one sense, being crucified with Christ, and having fellowship with him in his sufferings. These feelings will give a man a real understanding of all those texts which refer to soul trouble, in the book of Job, the Psalms of David, feelings of Jeremiah, and, perhaps, what Paul felt during the three days he was without sight, and did neither eat nor drink. These feelings will make me sympathise with the soul that is afflicted, and experiences the terrors of the Almighty.
But I do esteem it among my many special favors, this did not continue but part of a night. I sunk down in shame and distress, condemning myself, and acknowledging the justice of God in my condemnation. But while in this state, thus broken, contrite, and filled with holy awe, I was kept pleading for mercy—present mercy as well as future. While on my knees prostrate, as Elijah on another occasion, or, as Jeremiah words it—putting my mouth in the dust;—and although I really was filled with fear lest I should be cut off, yet at this very time the Lord gently led my mind, or ratherbrought the following words very softly to my heart: they were at first seemingly at a distance, but drew nearer as I listened and observed them. The words were, ‘I have caused thine iniquities to pass from thee, and have clothed thee with change of raiment.’ I observed my mind could not gladly receive this sentence, fearing presumption—but they still followed me, and abode with me, till the horror, terror, fears, and darkness gradually dispersed, and my mind was enabled so far to receive them as to cause a present ease, which continued with me a few days longer. I found the peace they brought with them continue, and I was in a small degree helped to believe they were from God to me, and as much mine as they were Joshua’s, to whom they were spoken; but though my thoughts were in a measure fixed upon them, yet I was not without being assaulted with some misgivings of heart. I concluded it best to entreat the Lord to shew me this more powerfully, and not only to put the words in my mind, but to write them so effectually that I might know, without the shadow of a doubt, I was actually interested in the capital blessings the words contained. This was most divinely manifested in a few days afterwards, as I was in the act of reading some remarks of the truly excellent Mr. Toplady, on Justification by the imputed Righteousness of the adorable God-Man. I was actually overcome with a sweet surprise of the love of God to me in Christ Jesus, making his dear Son a sin offering, and his people righteousness in him. I was enabled to feelsuch solid peace, holy joy, and sacred pleasure in my soul as can never be described by tongue or pen. I was melted by the power of his love, and indulged with such access to God, that every doubt, fear, and misgiving of heart, was removed. I saw, I knew, I felt that I was reconciled to God, and that God was my Father, my Saviour, my Comforter.—Oh, that I had then sunk into the arms of death! O that I had been permitted to take my flight! At that time the Saviour had engaged my heart, nor could I then have sinned against him for the world. I want many such sweet manifestations of his sensible presence; and I can assure you, painful as my situation is, I would gladly endure it again for such enjoyments. But I must observe, these blessed seasons are unknown to carnal professors, and never enjoyed, even by the favorites of heaven, while in a light, careless, carnal frame of soul; no—the promise runs thus, ‘To this man will I look, (and surely it was a look of love which I experienced) and with him will I dwell, who is poor and of a contrite heart, and that trembles at my word.’”
After this most blessed manifestation, the Lord gradually opened my mind, gave me a discerning eye to discover and receive the Bible testimony of the Lord Jesus, accompanied with a fixation of soul and a stayedness upon him. I now no longer depend upon past experience, but am pressing forward to know the person and glory of Christ, as the expression of the Father’s love; the covenant transactions of the adorable Trinity; the union subsistingbetween Christ and my soul, founded on his union with my nature, and his union with the Father; the great act of his incarnation; the holiness of his nature, and his wonderful life, as the obedience and righteousness of his church; the putting away sin by the sacrifice of himself, and the virtue, glory, and dignity of that precious work; his triumphant resurrection, for his dear people, and glorious ascension; his life of intercession in heaven, and his carrying on the work of salvation as an advocate with the Father; this is the grand object I am aiming to grow into the knowledge of, that I may live a life of faith upon him, enjoy communion with him, and live to his glory; that I may make manifest the savour of his name ineveryplace, not only in the pulpit, but in every other place and company where I can. Knowing the evil of sin, the weakness of the creature, and the value of Christ, I want daily to die to self, and live to him; to go out of self, as sinful, moral, or gracious, and by looking to Jesus in the Word, I may enjoy peace in believing; thus to live to his honour, and to be useful to his people, to die in his smiles, and to be with him for ever; to behold his glory, being found in him, having no other robe but that which he has wrought out, nor any other increased glory, but the work of his own spirit. This is all my salvation, and all my desire for my own soul, and for the whole of God’s family the Lord calls me to labour among.
Yours, J. C.
“In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”
“In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”
To —
The excellent Dr. Hawker remarks, in his “Gleaner,” “It would be well if every child of God would form one memorandum, at least, in his mind, which no passing event could obliterate; namely, that the Lord’s eye is over the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayers.” The Lord revealed himself to the patriarch, Jacob, as the God of his Fathers, in an everlasting covenant, and with this precious addition—“And behold, I am with thee, and will keep thee in all places whither thou goest, and will bring thee again to this land; for I will not leave thee until I have done that which I have spoken to thee of.”—Gen.xxviii. to the end.
The reader of Jacob’s history, in the Bible, will know, that many a dark providence beset Jacob after this, and numberless sharp exercises, but the promise never failed. It has been, and still is, the Lord’s delight to manifest his care for his this people in a way of providence, before and after their conversion; a being enabled to trace some of those gracious manifestations, and to be assured that the chequered inditings of providence are written with the finger of love, will most blessedly bow our necks to the yoke, and produce our resignation to his sovereign will.—The whole Bible is an exhibition of what the Lord is to his people, and what he has done for them ingrace and providence; and what is providence, but the hand of Divine Faithfulness, making good his precious promises? The word providence is never but once used in the Bible, that I remember, and that is in the flattering speech of Tertullus,Acts, xxiv, 2. And what is providence, but the Creator of all things, making provision for all his creatures? As the God of providence, he is the Saviour of all men—the preserver—but especially of them which believe; this was an article in Abraham’s faith—he called the name of that place Jehovah, Jireh, God will provide. It is our mercy to be enabled to watch his hand in our personal concerns—and those who regard not the work of the Lord, he will destroy them.
The proud hearts of the carnal wicked world, in general, ascribe their mercies to fortune, luck, and chance—the trinity of fools; and such pour sovereign contempt on that Providence which ordereth all things in heaven and on earth; but whoso is wise will observe these things, and he shall understand the kindness of the Lord. Hence the saying of the wise—“Whoso eyeth the providence of the Lord shall never want a providence to watch.” This has been true in the experience, more or less, of all the Lord’s tried people, who have waded through much tribulation, and arrived safe at home: and this is the present experience of the Lord’s people upon earth; it is a part of their life of faith, and often produces prayer and praise, watchfulness, and gratitude—so I have found it, almost through thewhole course of my life. Amongst thousands of circumstances I have read of the Lord’s gracious dealings with his people, in providence, I remember one, in particular, in the case of Mr. Fox, who wrote the Book of Martyrs, in the close of the reign of Henry the Eighth;—that he went to London, where the want of employment soon reduced his pocket to emptiness, and every source of maintenance failed: in this situation, as he sat one day in St. Paul’s church, spent with long fasting, his countenance thin, his eyes hollow, and with the ghostly appearance of a dying man, every one seemed to shun him with horror; there came one to him whom he had never seen before, and thrust into his hand an untold sum of money, bidding him to be of good cheer, and accept that small gift in good part; adding, that in a few days new hopes were at hand, and a more certain condition of livelihood; and sure enough it came to pass—for, within three days after, the Duchess of Richmond sent for him, to live in her house, and to become the tutor of the Earl of Surrey’s children, then under her care. Thus, as the German proverb says,—“When the bricks are doubled, then comes Moses;”—that is, man’s greatest extremity is God’s opportunity.
The best treatise I ever read on Divine Providence is the excellent Flavell’s “Mystery of the Divine Conduct:” and the most remarkable accounts of the appearance of Providence, next to the Bible, is in Professor Frank’s account of the building of the orphan-house at Glauca, which astonished the Kingof Prussia, so that he desired the whole account of it. I wish every Christian was in possession of it.—The account of the life of Mr. Barry, as re-published by Mr. Huntington, is very interesting; so also is that gentleman’s “Bank of Faith:” it has encouraged many of the Lord’s people to trust in the Saviour; and they have proved him to be “The faithful God.” Infidels who are white-washed with a profession of religion, have made that book the subject of their sport, banter, and ridicule; but it is a simple correct statement of facts; and my readers, if taught of God, can probably give their testimony, likewise, to similar facts—“For the hand of the Lord shall be known towards his servant.” Foote, in his play of “The Minor,” ridiculed this subject of Providence in a most scurrilous manner, wherein that revered character, the rev. George Whitfield, under the assumed name of Dr. Squintum, is made to pervert and abuse Divine Providence, in the following doggerel lines:—
“Near the mad mansion of Moorfields I bawl,Friends, fathers, mothers, sisters, one and all,Shut up your shops, and listen to my call;With labour, toil, allsecond means dispense;And live a rent charge uponProvidence:Prick up your ears, a story I will tell,Which once a widow and her child befel;I knew the daughter and her mother well.Poor, it is true, they were, but never wanted,For, whatsoe’er they asked, it was granted;One fatal day, the matron’s faith was tried,She wanted meat and drink, and fairly cried.‘Mother! you cry;’ ‘Oh! child, I’ve got no bread;’‘What matters that?—Why, Providence arn’t dead!’With reason good this truth the child might say,For there came in at noon, that very day,Bread, greens, potatoes, and a leg of mutton,A better, sure, a table ne’er was put on.”Gospel Mag. Feb.1824.
“Near the mad mansion of Moorfields I bawl,Friends, fathers, mothers, sisters, one and all,Shut up your shops, and listen to my call;With labour, toil, allsecond means dispense;And live a rent charge uponProvidence:Prick up your ears, a story I will tell,Which once a widow and her child befel;I knew the daughter and her mother well.Poor, it is true, they were, but never wanted,For, whatsoe’er they asked, it was granted;One fatal day, the matron’s faith was tried,She wanted meat and drink, and fairly cried.‘Mother! you cry;’ ‘Oh! child, I’ve got no bread;’‘What matters that?—Why, Providence arn’t dead!’With reason good this truth the child might say,For there came in at noon, that very day,Bread, greens, potatoes, and a leg of mutton,A better, sure, a table ne’er was put on.”
Gospel Mag. Feb.1824.
This is a base attack upon Divine Providence, as though persons who believe in it, and have so much experience of it, gave themselves up to indolence, neglecting the use of means to support themselves and families. It is to be lamented that there are some in all churches and chapels, who are mumping about in idleness, and talking about religion, to deceive the simple and unwary, and from such I have suffered a little in pocket and character. But the apostle, by virtue of his high commission, has said—“For this we commanded you, that if anywill notwork, neither shall he eat.” A neglect of the means is most daring presumption; and none but a hypocrite could act so: but the sincere Christian, who, in the use of means, is watching the hand of God, will be often honoured with the gracious appearances of God in his divine providences; for that God who fed the Israelites forty years in the wilderness, conducted Abraham from Ur of the Chaldees, increased the widow’s oil and meal, sent out his apostles with a staff only, will supply theneeds, not thewantsof his people. Surely I can set to my seal. This is true.