Politeness is also opposed, in certain cases, to a too great haste to know anything relating to ourselves. For example, if a person brings you a letter, you should not be in a hurry to open it, but see whether the letter concerns the bearer at all, or only yourself. In the first case, you should open it, and read it while he is present; in the other case, you should lay it aside.Politeness does not, however, impose such restraints upon curiosity in small things, and leave us free in important ones. Thus, we shall not say that we ought religiously to keep a secret, and that confidence received is a sacred deposit; but we shall say to persons who have curiosity to know any private circumstance, that they ought to be filled with shame if they do not desist all importunity as soon as they hear the word,it is a secret.[p159]CHAPTER IX.Of Travelling.This chapter, although only accessory, and but remotely connected with the social relations, should be added here; as we do not wish to make any voluntary omission, and, besides, if in travelling, the duties of politeness are less numerous, they are not, therefore, less obligatory.Persons about to travel, ought to make visits of taking leave among their acquaintances, of whom they should ask if they have any commands for them. It would be indiscreet, unless in case of perfect intimacy, to accept this offer, or to ask them to take charge of such or such a thing, especially if it is a packet; if persons are very intimate, we may request them to let us hear of their arrival.Before their departure, the names of passengers are entered in the order of their numbers, at the public coach offices. After this, each one takes the place assigned him. Politeness, however, requires that a man should offer his seat to a lady who is less well accommodated; for it would be improper that[p160]he should be seated upon the back seat, while she should be seated upon the front one. Some persons cannot bear the motion of a coach when they ride backwards; and this manner of riding incommodes them extremely. Polite travellers will take pleasure in relieving them from this trouble. Ladies, on their part, ought not to require too much, nor put to too severe a test the complaisance of gentlemen. The latter, however, should at every stopping place, attentively help them alight, by offering the hand, and directing their feet on the step of the coach. The same thing is necessary in assisting them to get in again. It would appear badly, to take advantage of one’s superiority of rank, to consult his own convenience alone. It is necessary on the contrary, for him to have great care not to incommode any one, and to show every civility to his fellow travellers.Politeness in travelling is not so rigorous as in society; it only requires that we should not incommode our companions; that we should be agreeable to them; that we should politely answer their questions; but it leaves us free to read, sleep, look about, or observesilence, &c.A traveller would be uncivil if he should open or shut the windows of the coach without consulting the people who are with him; or, if he should, without offering to them, take any light and delicate food,[p161]as fruits, cakes, or confectionary, but which they do not generally accept; and he would appear disagreeable, if, knowing the route, he should not point out the beautiful sites, and satisfy any questions concerning them; finally, he would deserve the name of an imprudent prater, if he should converse with his fellow travellers as with intimate acquaintances.On our return, we should carry or send the commissions which we have received. Partial acquaintances, to whom we have offered only by writing, to take their commands, should not expect a visit on our return; this right belongs only to relations, friends, or intimate acquaintances.Finally, all those for whom you have executed any commissions, owe you a visit of thanks as soon as it can be done.If you travel on horseback, in distinguished company, give them the right, and keep a little behind, regulating yourself by the progress of your companions. There is one exception to this rule; it is when one of the two horses is skittish, so that it is absolutely necessary that the other should pass on first, that this one may follow.If you happen to be on the windward side, so that you throw dust upon your companion, you should change your position. When we pass by trees, the[p162]branches of which are about the height of the shoulders, the one who goes first ought to take care that the branches, in going back to their former situation, should not strike with violence against the person who follows.If you are passing a large stream, a small river, or a muddy pool, by fording, it is polite to go first; but if we have not taken precautions, and fall in the rear, we ought to keep at a distance, so that the horse’s feet may not spatter the water or mud upon the gentleman before us. If your companion gallops his horse, you should never pass him, nor make your horse caper, unless he signifies that it is agreeable to him.
Politeness is also opposed, in certain cases, to a too great haste to know anything relating to ourselves. For example, if a person brings you a letter, you should not be in a hurry to open it, but see whether the letter concerns the bearer at all, or only yourself. In the first case, you should open it, and read it while he is present; in the other case, you should lay it aside.
Politeness does not, however, impose such restraints upon curiosity in small things, and leave us free in important ones. Thus, we shall not say that we ought religiously to keep a secret, and that confidence received is a sacred deposit; but we shall say to persons who have curiosity to know any private circumstance, that they ought to be filled with shame if they do not desist all importunity as soon as they hear the word,it is a secret.
This chapter, although only accessory, and but remotely connected with the social relations, should be added here; as we do not wish to make any voluntary omission, and, besides, if in travelling, the duties of politeness are less numerous, they are not, therefore, less obligatory.
Persons about to travel, ought to make visits of taking leave among their acquaintances, of whom they should ask if they have any commands for them. It would be indiscreet, unless in case of perfect intimacy, to accept this offer, or to ask them to take charge of such or such a thing, especially if it is a packet; if persons are very intimate, we may request them to let us hear of their arrival.
Before their departure, the names of passengers are entered in the order of their numbers, at the public coach offices. After this, each one takes the place assigned him. Politeness, however, requires that a man should offer his seat to a lady who is less well accommodated; for it would be improper that[p160]he should be seated upon the back seat, while she should be seated upon the front one. Some persons cannot bear the motion of a coach when they ride backwards; and this manner of riding incommodes them extremely. Polite travellers will take pleasure in relieving them from this trouble. Ladies, on their part, ought not to require too much, nor put to too severe a test the complaisance of gentlemen. The latter, however, should at every stopping place, attentively help them alight, by offering the hand, and directing their feet on the step of the coach. The same thing is necessary in assisting them to get in again. It would appear badly, to take advantage of one’s superiority of rank, to consult his own convenience alone. It is necessary on the contrary, for him to have great care not to incommode any one, and to show every civility to his fellow travellers.
Politeness in travelling is not so rigorous as in society; it only requires that we should not incommode our companions; that we should be agreeable to them; that we should politely answer their questions; but it leaves us free to read, sleep, look about, or observesilence, &c.
A traveller would be uncivil if he should open or shut the windows of the coach without consulting the people who are with him; or, if he should, without offering to them, take any light and delicate food,[p161]as fruits, cakes, or confectionary, but which they do not generally accept; and he would appear disagreeable, if, knowing the route, he should not point out the beautiful sites, and satisfy any questions concerning them; finally, he would deserve the name of an imprudent prater, if he should converse with his fellow travellers as with intimate acquaintances.
On our return, we should carry or send the commissions which we have received. Partial acquaintances, to whom we have offered only by writing, to take their commands, should not expect a visit on our return; this right belongs only to relations, friends, or intimate acquaintances.
Finally, all those for whom you have executed any commissions, owe you a visit of thanks as soon as it can be done.
If you travel on horseback, in distinguished company, give them the right, and keep a little behind, regulating yourself by the progress of your companions. There is one exception to this rule; it is when one of the two horses is skittish, so that it is absolutely necessary that the other should pass on first, that this one may follow.
If you happen to be on the windward side, so that you throw dust upon your companion, you should change your position. When we pass by trees, the[p162]branches of which are about the height of the shoulders, the one who goes first ought to take care that the branches, in going back to their former situation, should not strike with violence against the person who follows.
If you are passing a large stream, a small river, or a muddy pool, by fording, it is polite to go first; but if we have not taken precautions, and fall in the rear, we ought to keep at a distance, so that the horse’s feet may not spatter the water or mud upon the gentleman before us. If your companion gallops his horse, you should never pass him, nor make your horse caper, unless he signifies that it is agreeable to him.