VARIETIES.
The Composer and the Sea-Captain.
When Haydn, the composer, was in London, he had several whimsical adventures, and the following is one of them:—A captain in the Navy came to him one morning, and asked him to compose a march for some troops he had on board, offering him thirty guineas for his trouble, but requiring it to be done immediately, as the vessel was to sail next day for Calcutta.
As soon as the captain had gone, Haydn sat down to the pianoforte, and the march was ready in a few minutes. Feeling some scruples, however, at gaining his money so very easily, Haydn wrote two other marches, intending first to give the captain his choice, and then to make him a present of all the three, as a return for his liberality.
Next morning the captain came and asked for his march.
“Here it is,” said the composer.
The captain asked to hear it on the pianoforte; and having done so, laid down the thirty guineas, pocketed the march, and walked away.
Haydn tried to stop him, but in vain—the march was very good.
“But I have written two others,” cried Haydn, “which are better—hear them and take your choice.”
“I like the first very well, and that is enough,” answered the captain, pursuing his way downstairs.
Haydn followed, crying out, “But I make you a present of them.”
“I won’t have them,” roared the seaman, and bolted out at the street door.
Haydn, determined not to be outdone, hastened to the Exchange, and, discovering the name of the ship and her commander, sent the marches on board, with a polite note, which the captain, surmising its contents, sent back unopened.
The composer tore the marches into a thousand pieces, and never forgot this liberal English humourist as long as he lived.
Table-Talk.—Welsh rabbitis a genuine slang term, belonging to a large group, which describes in the same way the special dish or product or peculiarity of a particular district. For example, anEssex lionis a calf; aFieldlane duckis a baked sheep’s head;Glasgow magistratesorNorfolk caponsare red herrings;Irish apricotsorMunster plumsare potatoes; andGravesend sweetmeatsare shrimps.
A Foolish Investment.—It is foolish to lay out money in the purchase of repentance.—Franklin.
Ruling and Serving.
I am ashamed that women are so simple....To seek for rule, supremacy and sway,When they are bound to serve, love, and obey.Shakespeare.
I am ashamed that women are so simple....To seek for rule, supremacy and sway,When they are bound to serve, love, and obey.Shakespeare.
I am ashamed that women are so simple....To seek for rule, supremacy and sway,When they are bound to serve, love, and obey.
I am ashamed that women are so simple....
To seek for rule, supremacy and sway,
When they are bound to serve, love, and obey.
Shakespeare.
Shakespeare.
A Hard Task.—It is often difficult to control our feelings; it is still harder to subdue our will; but it is an arduous undertaking to control the contending will of others.—Crabb.
The Art of Authorship.—The great art of a writer shows itself in the choice of pleasing allusions.—Addison.
Affectation.—Affectation is an awkward and forced imitation of what should be genuine and easy, wanting the beauty that accompanies what is natural.—Locke.
The Happy and the Discontented.
Some people, not to be copied, live in a perpetual state of fret. The weather is always objectionable; the temperature is never satisfactory. They have too much to do, and are driven to death, or too little, and have no resources. If they are ill they know they shall never get well; if they are well they expect soon to be ill. Their daily work is either drudgery, which they hate, or so difficult and complex that they cannot execute it.
In contrast to these, we meet sometimes with men and women so bright and cheery that their very presence is a positive pleasure. They discover the favourable side of the weather, of their business, of home surroundings, of social relations, even of political affairs. They will tell you of all the pleasant things that happen and give voice to all the joy they feel. Of course, they are sometimes annoyed and worried by petty troubles, but the very effort they make to pass them over silently diminishes their unpleasant effect upon themselves and prevents the influence from extending.
The Good-tempered Wife.
A man in Sussex whose wife was blessed with a remarkably even temper went over the way to a neighbour one evening and said—
“Neighbour, I just should like to see my wife cross for once. I’ve tried all I know, and I can’t make her cross no way.”
“You can’t make your wife cross?” said his neighbour. “I wish I could make mine anything else. But you just do what I tell you, and if that won’t act nothing will. You bring her in some night a lot of the crookedest bats you can get, them as won’t lie in no form, and see how she makes out then.”
The bats (or pieces of wood) were accordingly brought in, as awkward and crooked and contrary as could be found. The man went away early to work, and at noon returned to see the result of his experiment. He was greeted with a smiling face and the gentle request—
“Tom, do bring me in some more of those crooked bats if you can find them; they do just clip round the kettle nicely.”—Rev. J. C. Egerton.
Choosing a Wife.—Benjamin Franklin recommends a young man in the choice of a wife to select her “from a bunch,” giving as his reason that when there are many daughters they improve each other, and from emulation acquire more accomplishments, and know more than a single child spoiled by parental fondness.
Without Religion.—Friends who have no religion cannot be long our friends.—Mozart.
Refreshing Sleep.—“Sound sleep” is usually considered a healthy state of repose; but it is an observation of Dr. Wilson Philip that “no sleep is healthy but that from which we are easily roused.”
Masters and Servants.—There is only one way to have good servants; that is, to be worthy of being well served. All nature and all humanity will serve a good master and rebel against an ignoble one.—Richter.
Beware of Bad Habits.—Let players on musical instruments beware of bad habits. Mozart, speaking of a girl whom he heard at Augsburg in 1777, says, “She will never master what is the most difficult and necessary, and, in fact, the principal thing in music—namely, time; because from her infancy she has never been in the habit of playing in correct time.”
Culpable Carelessness.—It is more from carelessness about truth than from intentional lying that there is so much falsehood in the world.—Dr. Johnson.
Marrying for Money.—A strong-minded woman was heard to remark the other day that she would marry a man who had plenty of money though he was so ugly she had to scream every time she looked at him.
A Foolish Mouse.
A mouse that always trusts to one poor holeCan never be a mouse of any soul.—Pope.
A mouse that always trusts to one poor holeCan never be a mouse of any soul.—Pope.
A mouse that always trusts to one poor holeCan never be a mouse of any soul.
A mouse that always trusts to one poor hole
Can never be a mouse of any soul.
—Pope.
—Pope.
Received for The Princess Louise Home.
Monaand Mila, 2s.; Lizzie Smith, 2s.; Mary, Maggie, and Ada, 3s.
Work for the bazaar to be held (D.V.) next summer, from Miss E. N. Nixon, Fanny Gough Pope, Caroline M. M. Hog (second contribution), Little Dot, Gretta, E. G., E. Morgan, E. Stroud, Cornie Trevena, Lucy, Madge S., Mona and Mila, A Servant in Torquay, A Welsh Maiden, A Village Maiden; W. C. Newsam, 100 pieces of music.
For the Home, The South Hampstead High School for Girls, 22 valuable articles of clothing; Anon, a parcel of books.