THE PLEASANT HISTORYOFTHOMAS HICKATHRIFT.

THE SECOND PART.

Tom Hickathrift and the Tinker conquered and overcame three thousand rebellious subjects.

Inand about the Isle of Ely, many disaffected persons, to the number of ten thousand and upwards drew themselves up in a body, presuming to contend for their pretended ancient Rights and Liberties, insomuch that the Gentry and civil Magistrates of the Country was in great danger; at which time the Sheriff, by night, privately got into the house of Thomas Hickathrift, as a secure place of refuge, in so eminent a time of danger: where before Thomas Hickathrift, he laid open the villainous intent ofthis headstrong giddy-brained multitude, Mr. Sheriff, quoth Tom, what service my brother, meaning the Tinker, and I can perform, shall not be wanting. This said, in the morning by day-break, with trusty clubs they both went forth, desiring the Sheriff to be their guide, in conducting them to the place of the rebels’ rendezvous, when they came there Tom and the Tinker marched up to the head of the multitude, and demanded of them the reason why they disturbed the Government? To which they answered with a loud cry, Our will’s our law; and by that alone will we be governed. Nay quoth Tom if it be so, these trusty clubs are our weapons, and by them you shall be chastised. Which words were no sooner out of his mouth but the Tinker and he put themselves both together in the midst of the throng and with their clubs beat the multitude down, trampling them under their feet every blow which they struck laid twenty or thirty sprawling before them. Nay, remarkable it was, the Tinker struck a tall man just upon the nape of the neck, with that force that his head flew off, and was carried violently fourteen foot from him, where it knockt down one of their chief ringleaders; Tom on the other hand still pressing forward, till by an unfortunate blow he broke his club; yet he was not in the least dismay’d; for he presently seized upon a lusty stout rawbon’d miller, and made use of him for a weapon, till at length they clear’d the field; so that there was not one found that dare lift up a hand against them, having run into holes and corners to hide themselves shortly after some oftheir heads were taken and made public examples of justice, the rest being pardoned at the humble request of Thomas Hickathrift and the Tinker.

Tom Hickathrift and the Tinker was sent for to Court and of their kind entertainment there, etc.

The King being truly informed of the faithful services perform’d by these his loving Subjects, Thomas Hickathrift and the Tinker, he was pleased to send for them to his Palace, where a Royal banquet was prepared for their entertainment, most of the Nobility being present. Now after the banquet was over, the King said unto all that were there, these are my trusty and well-beloved subjects, men of approved courage and valour, they are the men that overcame and conquer’d ten thousand which were got together to disturb the peace of my realm; according to the character that hath been given to Tho. Hickathrift and Henry Nonesuch, persons here present, they cannot be matcht in any other kingdom in the world; were it possible to have an army of twenty thousand such as these, I dare venture to act the part of Alexander the Great over again: yet in the meanwhile, as a proof of my Royal favour, kneel down and receive the antient order of knighthood, Mr. Hickathrift, which was instantly perform’d. And as for Henry Nonesuch, I will settleupon him, as a reward for his great service, the sum of Forty Shillings a year, during life. Which said, the King withdrew, and Sir Thomas Hickathrift and Henry Nonesuch the tinker, returned home, attended by many persons of quality, some miles from the Court. But to the great grief of Sir Thomas, at his return from the Court, he found his aged Mother drawing to her end, who in a few days after died and was buried in the Isle of Ely.

Tom after his old Mother’s death went a wooing; and how he served a young Gallant who affronted him before his Mistress.

Tom’s mother being dead, and he left alone in a large and spacious house, he found himself strange and uncouth, therefore he began to consider with himself that it would not be amiss to seek out for a wife; and hearing of a young rich widow, not far from Cambridge, to her he went, and made his addresses: and at the first coming she seem’d to shew him much favour and countenance; but between this and his coming again, she had given some entertainment to a more genteel and airy spark, who happened likewise to come while honest Tom was there the second time; he look’d wishfully at Tom, and he star’d as wishfully at him again; at last the young spark began with abuseful language to affront Tom, telling him he was such a great lubberly whelp, adding that such a one as he should not pretend to make love to a Lady, as he was but a Brewer’s servant. Scoundrel quoth Tom better words should become you, and if you do not mend your manners, you shall not fail to feel mysharp correction. At which the young Spark challenged him forth into the back yard; for, as he said, he did not question but to make a fool of Tom in a trice. Into the yard they both walk together, the young spark with a naked sword, and Tom with neither stick nor staff in his hand, nor any other weapon. What says the spark, have you nothing to defend yourself? well I shall the sooner dispatch you. Which said, he ran furiously forward, making a pass at Tom, which he put by, and then wheeling round to his backside, Tom gave him such a swinging kick on the breech, which sent the spark like a Crow up into the Air, from whence he fell upon the ridge of a thatcht house, and then came down into a large fish pond, and had been certainly drown’d if it had not been for a poor shepherd who was walking that way, and seeing him float upon the water, dragged him out with his hook, and home he returned like a drowned Rat; while Tom enjoy’d the kind embraces of his fair Mistress.

Tom served two Troopers, whom the young Spark had hired to beset him, etc.

This young galland being tormented in his mind to think how Tom had conquered and sham’d him before his Mistress, he was now resolved for speedy revenge; and knowing that he was not able to coap with a man of Tom’s strength and activity, he therefore hired two lusty Troopers, well mounted, to lie in ambush in a thicket which Tom had to pass through from his home to the young lady, and accordingly they attempted to set upon him: How now quoth Tom Rascals, what would you be at? Are you indeed weary of the world, that you so unadvisably set upon one who is able to crush you in like a Cucumber; the Troopers laughing at him, said, that they were not to be daunted at his high words, High words quoth Tom, no I will come to action; and with that he run in between these armed Troopers, catching them under his arm. Horse and Men, with as much ease as if they had been but a couple of Baker’s babbins, steering his course with them hastily towards his ownhome, and, as he pass’d thro’ a meadow, in which there was many Haymakers at work, the poor distressed troopers crying out, Stop him stop him he runs away with two of the King’s troopers. The hay-makers laught heartily to see how Tom hugged them along; ever and anon he upbraided them for their baseness; declared that he would make minced meat of them to feed the Crows and Jackdaws about his house and habitation. This was such a dreadful lecture to them, that the poor rogues begg’d that he would be merciful, and spare their lives, and they would discover the whole plot, and who was the person that employ’d them; which accordingly they did, and gain’d favour in the sight of Tom, who pardon’d them upon promise that they would never be concern’d in such a villainous action for the time to come.

Tom going to be married, was set upon by one-and-twenty Ruffians in Armour, and of the havock he made amongst them, etc.

In regard Tom had been hinder’d by these troopers, he delay’d his visit to his Lady till next day, and then coming to her, gave her a full account of what had happen’d; she was pleased at heart at this wonderful relation, knowing it was safe for a woman to marry with a man who was able to defend her against all assaults whatsoever, and such a one she found Tom to be. The day of marriage was accordingly appointed, friends and relations invited. Yet secret malice which is never satisfied without sweet revenge, had like to have prevented the solemnity for having three miles to go to church, where they were to be married, the aforesaid Gentleman had provided a second time Ruffians in armour to the number of twenty-one, he himself being then present either to destroy the life of Tom, or put them into strange consternation; however thus it happened, in a lonesome place they bolted out upon them, making their first assault upon Tom, and with a Speer gavehim a slight wound, at which his love and the rest of the women shrieked and cry’d like persons out of their wits, Tom endeavour’d all that he could to pacify them, saying, stand you still and I will show you pleasant sport. And with that he catch’d a back sword from the side of a Gentleman in his own company, with which he so bravely behaved himself that at every stroke he cut off a joint, loth he was to touch the life of any, but aiming at their legs and arms, he lopt them off so fast, that in less than a quarter of an hour, there was not one in the company but what had lost a limb, the green grass being stained with their purple gore, and the ground strew’d with legs and arms, as ’tis with tiles from the tops of the Houses after a dreadful storm. His Love and the rest of the company standing all the while as joyful spectators, laughing one at another, saying, What a company of cripples has he made, as it were in the twinkling of an eye! Yes, quoth Tom, I believe that for every drop of blood that I lost, I have made the Rascals pay me a limb as a just tribute. This done, he stept to a Farmer’s hard by, and hired there a servant giving him twenty shillings to carry these cripples home to their respective habitations in his dung-cart; and then did he hasten with his love to the church, where they were married, and then returned home, where they were heartily merry with their friends, after their fierce and dreadful encounter.

Tom made a feast for all the poor Widows in the adjacent towns; and how he served an old Woman who stole a Silver Cup at the same time, etc.

Now Tom being married, he made a plentiful feast, to which he invited all the poor widows in four or five parishes for the sake of his mother, which he had lately buried, this feast was kept in his own house, with all manner of varieties that the country could afford for the space of four days, in honour likewise of the four victories which he lately obtain’d. Now when the time of feasting was ended, a Silver Cup was missing, and being ask’d about it, they every one deny’d they knew any thing of it. At length it was agreed that they should all stand the search, which they did, and the Cup was found upon a certain old woman, named the Widow Stumbelow; then was all the rest in a rage, some was for hanging her, others were for chopping the old woman in pieces, for her ingratitude to such a generous soul as Sir Thomas Hickathrift; but he entreated them all to be quiet, saying they should not murder a poor old Woman, for hewould appoint a punishment for her himself; which was this; he bor’d a hole thro’ her nose and tying a string therein, then order’d her to be stript stark naked, commanding the rest of the old women to stick a candle in her fundament, and lead her by the nose thro’ all the streets and lanes in Cambridge, which comical sight caused a general laughter. This done, she had her cloaths restor’d her again, and so was acquitted.

Sir Thomas Hickathrift and his Lady was sent for to Court, and of what happened.

The tydings of Tom’s wedding was soon nois’d in the Court, so that the King sent them a royal invitation to the end he might see his Lady, they immediately went, and were received with all demonstrations of Joy and Triumph. But while they were in their mirth, a dreadful cry approached the Court which proved to be the Commons of Kent who were come thither to complain of a dreadful Giant that was landed in one of the Islands: And brought with him abundance of Bears and young Lyons, likewise a dreadful Dragon on which he himself rid, which monster and ravenous beasts had frighted all the inhabitants out of the Island. Moreover they said if speedy course was not taken to suppress them in time, they might over-run the whole land. The King hearing this dreadful relation was a little startled, yet he perswaded them to return home and make the best defence they could for themselves at present, assuring them that he should not forget them, and so they departed.

Thomas Hickathrift was made Governor of the Island of the East Angles, now called Thanet, and of the wonderful Achievements he performed there.

The King hearing the aforesaid dreadful Tydings, immediately sate in Council to consider what was to be done for the overcoming this monstrous Giant, and barbarous savage Lyons and Bears that with him had invaded his Princely territories. At length it was agreed upon that Thomas Hickathrift was the most likeliest man in the whole kingdom, for undertaking of so dangerous an enterprise; he being not only a fortunate man of great strength, but likewise a true and trusty subject one that was always ready and willing to do his King and country service, for which reason it was thought necessary to make him Governor of the aforesaid Island; which place of trust and honour, he readily received, and accordingly he forthwith went down with his wife and family, to take possession of the same, attended with a hundred Knights and Gentlemen, who conducted him to the entrance of the Island which he was togovern. A castle in those days there was, in which he was to take up his head-quarters, the same being situated with that advantage that he could view the Island for several miles upon occasion; the Knights and Gentlemen at last taking their leave of him, wish’d him all happy success and prosperity. Many days he had not been there before it was his fortune to behold the monstrous Giant mounted upon a dreadful Dragon, bearing upon his shoulder a club of Iron, having but one eye, the which was placed in his forehead, and larger in compass than a barber’s bason, and seem’d to appear like a flaming fire; his visage was dreadful, grim and tawny; the hair of his head hanging down his back and shoulders, like snakes of a prodigious length; the bristles of his Beard like rusty wire: And lifting up his blare eye, he happened to discover Sir Thomas Hickathrift, who was looking upon him from one of his windows of the castle; the Giant then began to knit his brow, and breath forth threatening words to the Governor, who indeed was a little surpriz’d at the approach of so monstrous a brute; the Giant finding that Tom did not make much haste down to meet him, he alighted from the back of the dragon, and chained the same to an Oak tree, then marching furiously to the castle, setting his broad shoulder against a corner of the stone walls, as if he intended to overthrow the whole building at once which Tom perceiving, said is this the game you would be at; faith I shall spoil your sport, for I have a delicate tool to pick your teeth withal; then taking his two handed sword of five foot long, aweapon which the King had given him to govern with taking this I say, down he went, and flinging open the Gates, he there found the Giant, who by an unfortunate slip in his thrusting was fallen all along, where he lay and could not help himself. What, quoth Tom, do you come here to take up your Lodging? This is not to be suffer’d, and with that he ran his long broad sword in betwixt the monstrous Giant’s brawny Buttocks and out at his Belly, which made the monstrous Brute give such a terrible groan that it seemed like roaring thunder, making the very neighbouring trees to tremble; and then Tom pulling out his sword again, at six or seven blows he separated his head from his unconscionable trunk, which head, when it was off, seemed like the root of a mighty Oak. Then turning to the Dragon, which was all this while chain’d to a tree, without any farther discourse, with four blows with his two-handed sword, he cut off his head also. This fortunate adventure being over, he sent immediately for a team of horses and a waggon: which he loaded with these heads, and then summoning all the Constables in the Country for a guard, sent them to Court, with a promise to his Majesty, that he would rid the whole Island likewise of Bears and Lyons before he left it.

The Tinker hearing of Tom s Fame went down to be Partner in his Enterprize; and how he was unfortunately slain by a Lyon.

Tom’s victories rang so long, that they reach’d the ears of his old acquaintance, the Tinker, who, desirous of honour, resolved to go down and visit Tom in his new government, when coming there he met with kind and loving entertainment, for they were very joyful to see one another: Now after three or four days’ enjoyment of one another’s company, Tom told the Tinker that he must needs go forth in search after wild Bears and Lyons, in order to rout them out of the Island. Well, quoth the Tinker, I would gladly take my fortune with you, hoping that I may be serviceable to you, upon occasion. Well, quoth Tom, with all my heart, for I must needs acknowledge I shall be right glad of your company. This said, they both went forward, Tom with his two handed sword, and the Tinker with his long pike-staff. Now after they had travelled about four or five hours, it was their fortune to light of the whole knot of wild beasts together, being in number fourteen, of which six of them were Bears, the other eight young Lyonsnow when they had fastened their eyes upon Tom and the Tinker, these ravenous beasts began to roar and run furiously, as if they would have devoured them at a mouthful; but Tom and the Tinker stood side by side with their backs against an Oak, and as the Lyons and Bears came within their reach, Tom with his long sword clove their heads asunder till they were all destroyed, saving one lyon, who, seeing the rest of his Fellows slain, was endeavouring to make his escape: now the Tinker being somewhat too venturous, ran too hastily after him, and having given the Lyon one blow, he turn’d upon him again, seizing him by the throat with that violence, that the poor Tinker fell dead to the Ground; Tom Hickathrift, seeing this, gave the Lyon such a blow that it ended his life.

Now was his joy mingled with sorrow for tho’ he had cleared the Island of those ravenous savage beasts, yet his grief was intolerable for the loss of his old friend. Home he returned to his lady, where in token of Joy for the wonderful success which he had in his dangerous enterprizes, he made a very noble and splendid Feast, to which he invited most of his best Friends and Acquaintance, to whom he made the following Promise.

My Friends while I have Strength to stand,most manfully I will pursueAll Dangers, till I clear this Land,of Lions, Bears, and Tygers too;This you’ll find true, or I’m to blame,let it remain upon Record;Tom Hickathrift’s most glorious fame,who never yet has broke his wordThe Man who does his Country bless,shall merrit much from this fair land;He who relieved them in Distress,His Fame upon Record shall stand:And you my Friends who hear me now,let honest Tom, for ever dwell,Within your Minds and Thoughts I trow,since he has pleas’d you all so well.FINIS.FOOTNOTES:

My Friends while I have Strength to stand,

most manfully I will pursue

All Dangers, till I clear this Land,

of Lions, Bears, and Tygers too;

This you’ll find true, or I’m to blame,

let it remain upon Record;

Tom Hickathrift’s most glorious fame,

who never yet has broke his word

The Man who does his Country bless,

shall merrit much from this fair land;

He who relieved them in Distress,

His Fame upon Record shall stand:

And you my Friends who hear me now,

let honest Tom, for ever dwell,

Within your Minds and Thoughts I trow,

since he has pleas’d you all so well.

FINIS.

[A]Blomefield’sHistory of Norfolk, vol. ix. pp. 79-80; the same story is related by Chambers in hisHistory of Norfolk, vol. i. p. 370. The parishes of W. and N. Lynn, though lying in marshland, are excluded from any right of pasturage on the Smeth Common.

[B]Quarterly Review, vol. xxi. p. 103.

[C]Quarterly Review, vol. xxi. p. 102, note.

[D]Quarterly Review, vol. xxi. pp. 102-103.

TRANSCRIBER’S NOTES:Obvious typographical errors have been corrected.Inconsistencies in hyphenation have been retained from the original.Archaic or alternate spelling has been retained from the original.

TRANSCRIBER’S NOTES:

Obvious typographical errors have been corrected.

Inconsistencies in hyphenation have been retained from the original.

Archaic or alternate spelling has been retained from the original.

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