(Frampingtongoes towards door.Charlesuncertainly goes in the same direction, then stops.)Charles.(ToFrampington.) Just wait in the hall a moment, will you?Frampington.Certainly. (Exit back.)Mrs. R. Haslam.(Turning toFlora.) Well, it's not often that I'm left speechless——Charles.Look here, mater. You send me off with this lunatic, but it doesn't seem to have occurred to you that I've had no dinner. I haven't even had time to wash.Mrs. R. Haslam.(Before he has finished.) Whydidyou shake hands with him, dear? You were almost effusive.Flora.I felt almost effusive.Charles.But don't you think he's off his nut?Flora.Whatever he is, he's saved me from something that's rather awful to think about.Mrs. R. Haslam.He's what?Flora.I may as well tell you now—Cedric and I aren't going to get married to-morrow.Mrs. R. Haslam.Not going to—— (stops). But you've just arranged with the Bishop!Flora.I know. But that was simply my cowardice. The truth is I hadn't the heart to tell him. I felt that we could express ourselves more comfortably in a telegram than by word of mouth.Mrs. R. Haslam.We!But—but what's wrong with to-morrow, Flora?Flora.Nothing. It's no worse than any other day. Only we aren't going to get married at all.Mrs. R. Haslam.But youaremarried—practically. I mean——Flora.(Shakes her head.) Not even theoretically.Mrs. R. Haslam.(With a certain dignified appeal.) Flora, I'm not as young as you are. I'm a hard working woman. My work is terribly in arrear. But I've never broken a contract yet, and I must finish to-night that article of mine for "Harper's" on "A Remedy for the Decline of the Birthrate in London Society." The subject is delicate for a popular magazine, and I need to have my mind free. May I beg you to tell me exactly what you mean, without being too witty?Flora.I'm really very sorry. Very sorry. If I'm witty, I honestly assure you it's an oversight. All I can tell you is that Cedric and I have had an extremely serious difference of opinion, on a vital matter, and there's no hope of our views being reconciled, and so we aren't going to get married.Charles.Not really!Flora.Yes.Mrs. R. Haslam.(Half to herself.) And this is all you can find to do, to help me with my article! (ToFlora.) I suppose I must imitate your calmness.Flora.(Winningly.) Oh! please do.Mrs. R. Haslam.When did you and Cedric settle this?Flora.We haven't settled it. Have we hada moment alone together since we left Pixton?I'vesettled it. One person can settle these things.Mrs. R. Haslam.Do you mean to say that Cedric doesn't know what you're telling me?Flora.Not unless he's listening behind the door. I inform you before anyone.Mrs. R. Haslam.Of course father and I both noticed that you were far from being yourselves. But we put it down to the shock and disappointment.Flora.To the Frampington accident? Oh, no! A Frampington accident might happen to any unmarried couple. I'm afraid our gloom was caused by nothing but a terrible fear.Mrs. R. Haslam.Terrible fear?Flora.Terrible fear lest neither of us would have the audacity to profit by Mr. Frampington's revelation.Mrs. R. Haslam.Audacity! Your audacity astounds me.Flora.Yes, it rather startles even me. Now, will you mind telling Cedric?Mrs. R. Haslam.I! (Looks at her. Then exit,L.)Flora.Are you also struck dumb?Charles.I suppose the kick-up was about—Snowdon versus honeymoon.Flora.Charlie, how penetrating you are, really! And you put it in a nutshell.Charles.Well, when we burst into that hotel this morning I could have sworn something was wrong. Don't you remember I enquired what was the matter? And just now when I was asking Rick what he meant to do, it didn't want any very powerful penetration to see that there must have been a hades of a rumpus between him and you.Flora.(Puzzlingly.) Oh! Didn't it? And what's your opinion? Do you think Snowdon ought to win?Charles.Well, it's fiendishly important.Flora.I know. But don't you think a honeymoon's somehow more important?Charles.Somehoneymoons might be.Flora.What should you have done in Cedric's place?Charles.But look here, Flo, hehasgiven way, you know.Flora.Yes, but against his judgment.Charles.Well, he couldn't help that.Flora.You're wrong, Charlie.Charles.Am I?Flora.Couldn't help it? If Cedric can't control his judgment better than that, in a serious matter, at the very start of the marriage, so much the worse for him and for me.Charles.Perhaps so.Flora.Charlie, there are some things that you understand better than Cedric.Charles.That's what I always say, but no one believes me.Flora.It's true. Do you know I'm simply shaking?Charles.Fright? (Floranods.) I can believe you are, but nobody'd guess it.(Half-enterCedric,L.)Cedric.(Stopping at half-opened door. To somebody outside the room.) What's that you say? (Exit again, leaving door ajar.)Flora.You'd better go. Don't forget the imitation curate's waiting for you.Charles.Frizzle the imitation curate.Flora.You'll be in the way here—don't you see?Charles.But you're sending me off just at the interesting part. And you'll all be gone to bed before I get back from the office.Flora.Yes, but I hope we shall all still be alive to-morrow. Now—there's a dear, before Cedric comes.Charles.But—is it really serious? (Floranods.) Then we shan't have to go to Chelmsford to-morrow? (Florashakes her head.) Nor any other day? (Florashakes her head.Charlesmoves reluctantly towards the door.) Well, I can't realise it, and that's flat. I say——Flora.Yes?Charles.Would you mind telling father or mother to see that my supper is set for me in the garden to-night? And something solid, too!(EnterCedric.)Flora.I will.(ExitCharles,back.)Flora.I see your mother's told you. Well, what can I say to you?Cedric.(Sitting down.) You might congratulate me on the way I'm keeping calm under stress.Flora.But why do you come in like this and look at me like this?Cedric.Idle curiosity! Having received the news from the mater, I was absurdly curious to hear any remarks you might have to make to me. So I came in—like this.Flora.Cedric, I did it the best way I could. I thought I would imitate the blandness of the sham curate. You haven't seen him to-night, but I may tell you he carries blandness further than it has ever been carried before.... I was afraid if I didn't do it at once it might never be done. I could see the time going on and going on, and me preparing myself to do this thing in a nice, kind, tactful, proper way, exactly as it should be done—andnever doing it—never beginning to do it! And at last finding myself at Chelmsford to-morrow, and hypnotised by your mother and the Bishop. Cedric, I'm sure it's a mistake toprepareto do a thing like this, leading up to it, and so on. The best plan is to let it go off with a frightfulbang, anyhow, as I've done! Then the worst happens at the start instead of at the finish.Cedric.I quite see the argument.Flora.(With a nod of the head towards the door,L.) You've told her the reason?Cedric.She'd half guessed it. I made it seem as plausible as I could, in my taciturn way. But you know it would need a course of lectures to explain it properly.Flora.I suppose I ought to depart hence. Where is your mother now?Cedric.She's briefly stating the facts to the head of the family.Flora.Cedric, don't you feel as if I'd lifted an enormous weight off your chest? Candidly!Cedric.No; but I feel as if we'd been sitting all day in a stuffy railway carriage with a window that wouldn't open, and there'd been a collision that had pitched us clean through it. I've got oxygen, but I'm dashed if I can feel my legs.Flora.My dear Cedric, if you were seriously injured you couldn't talk like that.(Enter,L.,during the last words,Mrs. Reach HaslamandMr. Reach Haslam,very solemn.)Mrs. R. Haslam.Has Charlie gone?Flora.Yes. By the way, he wants his supper set in the garden—he asked me to tell you.Mrs. R. Haslam.Thank you.Flora.Something solid, he said.Mrs. R. Haslam.(Sitting down.) Cedric, I wish your father to hear for himself exactly what the situation is. I naturally turn to him and leave everythingtohim.... Now, father.Mr. R. Haslam.So far as I've gathered, there seems to be some slight difficulty as to dates. To-day's the 20th—to-morrow will be the 21st (looking at date calendar). Yes, the 21st. Flora thinks the honeymoon ought to end on the 21stprox., whereas Cedric thinks the honeymoon ought to end in about ten days' time, say 1stprox.The difference of opinion (ironical stress) on this highly important matter, this fundamental matter, is final. Hence Flora has absolutely decided to break off the marriage.Flora.That's it.Mr. R. Haslam.Nothing could be simpler.Mrs. R. Haslam.Flora, how can you sit there and trifle with our deepest feelings, in this utterly cynical manner?Flora.(Persuasively.) I hope we aren't going to converse as if we were characters in a powerful novel of modern society. This is real life, you know, let's talk as if we were real people—do you mind?Mrs. R. Haslam.Personally, I am not aware of being unreal. Butyouseem to be unaware that you are playing with tragic things.Flora.As I told Cedric in the first act——Mrs. R. Haslam.(Staggered beyond measure.) In the first act!Flora.My dear. I'm only trying to fall in with your wish to turn this affair into a tragedy. If it is a tragedy, the first act occurred this morning. As I told Cedric this morning, we've stumbled across a question of vital principle. Is our marriage to be the most important thing in our lives, or isn't it? If it is, then nothing less than an earthquake could possibly disturb the honeymoon, because I suppose you'll admit the honeymoon is the most urgent part of matrimony. If our marriage isnotto be the most important thing in our lives—all right! That's a point of view that I can understand; only—I don't want to get married. And I won't! (Pause.)Mrs. R. Haslam.Cedric, why don't you speak?Cedric.Nothing to say.Mrs. R. Haslam.Your silence is excessive.Flora.(Still persuasively.) We solemnly arrange our honeymoon. Then Cedric happens to see a newspaper and he as good as says, "Here's something more important than our honeymoon. Our honeymoon must give way to this." And after all, this terrific something is nothing whatever but a purely business matter—something to do with the works.Mrs. R. Haslam.Something to do with England, with Cedric's career, with Cedric's duty.Flora.(Turning toMr. Reach Haslam.) Supposing Cedric one day said he couldn't attend his father's funeral because his career called him elsewhere, because England wanted him, what should you say?Mr. R. Haslam.I probably shouldn't open my mouth.Mrs. R. Haslam.A funeral is different——Flora.It is. But I can't help thinking that if circumstances oughtn't to prevent a man from going to a funeral, they oughtn't to prevent him from going to his own honeymoon.Cedric.I hope you won't lose sight of the fact that I gave way to you absolutely about five hours ago.Mr. R. Haslam.That's the trouble.Mrs. R. Haslam.Father!Mr. R. Haslam.Yes, that's the trouble,because his giving way to her is a proof that he didn't share her views. What Flora objects to in Cedric is not what he does, but what he thinks. She seems to me to have no use for free-thinking in a husband.Flora.I won't argue any further.Mrs. R. Haslam.But why not? Surely that is unreasonable.Flora.Because in an argument I always begin rather well, but in the end I'm apt to get beaten. So I just stop, especially when I know I'm right. I'm a short distance woman. All I say is—can you imagine me—me, running off to Ostend with a man who had sacrificed his career, and Snowdon, and all England, unwillingly, in order to go ... what gay little suppers we should have together!Mrs. R. Haslam.One day, perhaps when it's too late, you'll realise that a wife's first duty, and therefore her greatest joy, is to help her husband. I knowIrealised it, at once. When I was married, Reach was only earning three hundred a year; he was a solicitor's managing clerk—weren't you, father? I said to myself that I ought to try to help him, and so I began to write. And as a wife, I've been doing my best to help him ever since. After ten years I thought it advisable for him to give up the law. How much did I pay income-tax on last year, dear?Mr. R. Haslam.Nineteen thousand four hundred pounds.Mrs. R. Haslam.I don't boast, but you see what comes of trying to do one's wifely duty!Flora.Some women can do nothing but earn money. (Cedricbegins playing mechanically with an object on the table.) I can only spend it. Two different talents! If I had a hundred pounds to throw away at this moment, I know what I should spend it on—— (A pause. She looks round; exerting all her wayward charm.) Come, why doesn't some one ask me what I should spend it on?Mrs. R. Haslam.(Gloomily perfunctory.) What should you spend it on?Flora.I should erect a statue to Mr. Frampington. It would be a good thing if there were a few more Frampingtons about, just to give people who've got as far as the vestry a chance of reconsidering their position.Mrs. R. Haslam.Upon my word, Flora (cuttingly), one would say, from your sparkling wit, that you were quite in high spirits over the situation.Flora.Well, my dear, in one way I could cry my eyes out, but in another Iamrather uplifted when I think of what Mr. Frampington has saved us from.Mrs. R. Haslam.Saved you from! (Very courteously and quietly.) Really, I shouldhave thought that any woman would have been more than a little flattered at the prospect of marrying into the Haslam family, of being the wife of Cedric. No house in London is more sought after than ours. It isn't too much to say that Cedric is now one of the most celebrated men in England——Cedric.(Crossly.) Look here, mater—— (He keeps his head down; he is still playing with the object on the table.)Mr. R. Haslam.(Sharply.) Cedric! (Mrs. Reach Haslamlooks at her husband, as if expecting him majestically to reprove his son.) I wish you'd play with something else for a change.Mrs. R. Haslam.I speak kindly, but I speak plainly, and I'm not ashamed of doing so. I say one of the most celebrated men in England. Indeed, it wouldn't surprise me to learn that among the masses of the people Cedric is better known even than I am myself.Cedric.Mater, I'm off!Mr. R. Haslam.(Severely to him.) You'll kindly stay where you are. There are times when one ought to be frank. (Still very courteously and quietly toFlora.) You know I was not at first altogether in favour of this marriage—not what could be described as uncontrollably enthusiastic about it. I have appreciated your excellent qualities, but——Flora.(Smiling.) Please don't expose me. Comfort yourself with the thought of what Mr. Frampington has savedyoufrom.(Mr. Reach Haslamrises softly and goes towards door, back.)Mrs. R. Haslam.Where are you going, father?Mr. R. Haslam.I thought I'd just make sure about Charlie's supper, before it slipped my memory. (Exit back.)Mrs. R. Haslam.(Turning toFloraagain, pained.) You are forgetting the terrible scandal that will ensue if you persist in your present course, dear Flora. The honeymoon actually begun! and then—this bombshell! How shall we break it to the Bishop? How can I ever look the Bishop in the face again! How can I ever look anybody in the face again?... To-day of all days, when my new book has just come out! And with my article to finish, on the decline of the birthrate among the well-to-do classes!... Howcanwe explain to people that the marriage is broken off when there's certain to be an account of the wedding in every paper to-morrow morning?Flora.That, at any rate, isn't my fault. By-the-way, howdidthat paragraph get into the "Piccadilly Gazette"? (Mischievously.) Isuppose it must have slipped in while you were looking the other way.Mrs. R. Haslam.(With controlled acerbity.) When you begin to figure prominently in the life of your country, Flora, you'll understand, perhaps, a little better than you do now that newspaper reporters, whatever their sex, simply will not be denied. They reside on the doorstep. One cannot be rude. At least I can't.Flora.I hope I never shall figure prominently in the life of my country. But I want to figure prominently in the life of my husband.Mrs. R. Haslam.The newspapers——Cedric.Excuse me, mater, but isn't this right off the point?Mrs. R. Haslam.(To herself.) And I was looking forward to a quiet half hour with my press-cuttings!(Silence.)(EnterMr. Reach Haslamcautiously, back.)Mr. R. Haslam.(Mildly cheerful.) Well, where have you got to?Flora.I think we're gradually working back again to the importance of marriage in the life of the husband.Mr. R. Haslam.That's better! That's better! (Sits.)Mrs. R. Haslam.Flora, you'll pardon meoffering my opinion, as an experienced student of human nature, but when you say "the importance of marriage," I think you really mean your own individual importance. Personal vanity is very misleading.Flora.Oh! It is.Mrs. R. Haslam.Your attitude might be more defensible if you were a differentkindof woman. I don't say it would be more defensible, but it might be.Cedric.Oh, look here, mater——Mrs. R. Haslam.Cedric, may I venture to converse in my own study?Flora.(ToCedric.) Don't you understand that this is not your act? (Rising.) How a different kind of woman?Mrs. R. Haslam.(Quietly courteous.) I mean, if you brought more to the marriage.Flora.Money? I'm not rich, but you see I'm rich enough to despise ten thousand pounds.Mrs. R. Haslam.(Protesting.) Flora! Please don't mention such a thing! HaveImentioned it? I think we Haslams are as capable as anybody of despising ten thousand pounds. (Very kindly.) No, I mean, if you had more to show in the way of—shall I say?—striking personal talent. You can have norôleexcept that of wife, purely social and domestic. And yet your attitude seems somehow to claim theprivileges of a—a great singer, or a great pianist, or——Flora.A great novelist?Mrs. R. Haslam.(Imperturbable.) No, no. I was thinking more of public performers.... Genius.... If you had genius, talents. Mind, I'm not blaming you for not having them. I make no reflection whatever.... Of course you are good, I hope, and you're beautiful.Flora.So they say.Mrs. R. Haslam.But beauty is a mere gift—from heaven.Flora.My dear, what's the difference between a talent, and a gift from heaven? I remember not very long since you were really quite annoyed because the "Saturday Review," I think it was, referred to you as "Mrs. Reach Haslam, the talented novelist." Whereas you are constantly being called the "gifted novelist," and you like it. (She begins to sit down.)Mr. R. Haslam.Pardon me. "Like" is too strong a word. My wife prefers to be mentioned as "Mrs. Reach Haslam," simply—don't you, dear? One doesn't expect to read in the papers "Mr. Balfour, the talented statesman," "Lord Northcliffe, the talented statesman." One expects only "Mr. Balfour," "Lord Northcliffe."Mrs. R. Haslam.(Waving him graciously intosilence.ToFlora.) I willingly admit, dear, that in its origin a talent—like mine, if you insist—isa gift from heaven. But what years of study are necessary to perfect it! Whereas mere beauty, charm——Flora.(Having sat down, and finally arranged her fan and shawl, etc.) It's taken me at least seven years of intense study to learn to sit down like that—and in another two years I shall do it even better. (With a delightful smile.)Mrs. R. Haslam.(Graciously lenient.) But seriously——Flora.Seriously? (Stopping, in a different tone.) My dear, did the Bishop say anything when I left the room?Mrs. R. Haslam.Say anything! About what?Flora.About me.Mr. R. Haslam.He remarked that you were a ravishing creature.Flora.Jokingly?Mr. R. Haslam.No. He was quite serious.Flora.That's just it. If it was only frivolous, empty-headed boys who were serious about it, but it isn't. The most high-minded, middle-aged men are serious about it. Why, even chaffeurs and policemen are serious about it. There must besomethingin it. Wherever I go people are more serious about me than about anybody else—even if singers andpianists happen to be present. If I arrive late at the theatres I'm the play for at least two minutes. And I assure you in the streets it often occurs that men I don't know hurry after me very seriously about it—even if I'm veiled. And yet you and I have the same dressmaker! It's always been like that—ever since my first marriage. And it's getting more and more marked. I don't mind telling you, my dear, that my own secret view of my importance is perhaps as modest as yours is of yours—but what can you and I do against the universal opinion? I've begin to bow before the storm. It's the wisest course. You talk about what I bring to the marriage (proudly). I bring to the marriage the gift of heaven, cultivated by the labour of a lifetime, and, as to its value, there's only one estimate, except yours (with a catch in her voice)—and Cedric's! Cedric puts an aeroplane higher.Cedric.I beg your pardon——Flora.(With emotion.) Yes, you do! Yes, you do! When there came a conflict between my honeymoon and your aeroplane, you decided instantly against the honeymoon, before I'd even been asked! You didn't even consult me.Cedric.Aeroplane! Aeroplane! You keep on saying aeroplane, but——Flora.(Calmer.) Listen. I know you've given way. I know you've offered not to sacrifice the honeymoon, but don't you really think still in your own mind that the honeymoonoughtto be sacrificed? (Cedricdoes not answer—pause.) You know perfectly well it's a relief to you that I've cried off! Come, honestly now?Mr. R. Haslam.(Warningly, under his breath.) Nottoohonestly.Cedric.(Quietly.) Yes, Idothink part of the honeymoon ought to be sacrificed. And I never dreamed that you would think otherwise. It's a difference of opinion that simply staggers me. It doesn't only stagger me—it frightens me. It makes one reflect, you know.Flora.Then youarerelieved? You're grateful.Cedric.(Moved and stammering.) I ought to be. Of course you're the only person who could cry off.Flora.What do you mean?Cedric.Some things a man can't do.Flora.Do you sit there and say that if I hadn't cut the knot, you'd have gone on, and you'd have let me go on, with a marriage you didn't believe in? Because you're a man, and there are some things a man can't do! Can't a man show as much pluck as a woman? Thatdoessettle it! (Controlling herself.)Mrs. R. Haslam.Flora, you'll regret you've thrown Cedric over. You'll certainly want to come back to him.Flora.(Disdainfully.) Shall I! (Politely.) Good-night, Mrs. Haslam.Mrs. R. Haslam.But where are you going?Flora.I don't know. How can I stay here? My official connection with this house is ended. I shall go to a hotel. Good-night.Somany thanks!Mrs. R. Haslam.(Rising and going to her; firmly.) I'm sure you'll oblige me by not scandalising the servants. You can choose a hotel to-morrow morning. I'll go with you to your room, if I may. All your trunks will be up there by this time.(ExeuntFlora,submissive, andMrs. Reach Haslam,back.)(Mr. Reach Haslamslowly prepares for work at desk.)Cedric.I'm off into the garden. (Pulls out his cigarette case.) (Exit,L.)Mrs. R. Haslam.(Aside asCedricgoes.) Nincompoop!(EnterMrs. Reach Haslam.)Mrs. R. Haslam.Dear, before I go on with that article, I should like to make a few noteson Flora's demeanour, while the thing's fresh in my mind. One never knows when that kind of stuff won't come in useful.Mrs. R. Haslam.Where's the boy?Mr. R. Haslam.In the garden. (Half to himself.) Of all places!Mrs. R. Haslam.(Collecting her thoughts and beginning to dictate.) "Essentially hysterical in a crisis, but does not pull a face before weeping, probably owing to advice from toilette specialist." Yes, full stop.(Curtain.)
(Frampingtongoes towards door.Charlesuncertainly goes in the same direction, then stops.)
(Frampingtongoes towards door.Charlesuncertainly goes in the same direction, then stops.)
Charles.(ToFrampington.) Just wait in the hall a moment, will you?
Frampington.Certainly. (Exit back.)
Mrs. R. Haslam.(Turning toFlora.) Well, it's not often that I'm left speechless——
Charles.Look here, mater. You send me off with this lunatic, but it doesn't seem to have occurred to you that I've had no dinner. I haven't even had time to wash.
Mrs. R. Haslam.(Before he has finished.) Whydidyou shake hands with him, dear? You were almost effusive.
Flora.I felt almost effusive.
Charles.But don't you think he's off his nut?
Flora.Whatever he is, he's saved me from something that's rather awful to think about.
Mrs. R. Haslam.He's what?
Flora.I may as well tell you now—Cedric and I aren't going to get married to-morrow.
Mrs. R. Haslam.Not going to—— (stops). But you've just arranged with the Bishop!
Flora.I know. But that was simply my cowardice. The truth is I hadn't the heart to tell him. I felt that we could express ourselves more comfortably in a telegram than by word of mouth.
Mrs. R. Haslam.We!But—but what's wrong with to-morrow, Flora?
Flora.Nothing. It's no worse than any other day. Only we aren't going to get married at all.
Mrs. R. Haslam.But youaremarried—practically. I mean——
Flora.(Shakes her head.) Not even theoretically.
Mrs. R. Haslam.(With a certain dignified appeal.) Flora, I'm not as young as you are. I'm a hard working woman. My work is terribly in arrear. But I've never broken a contract yet, and I must finish to-night that article of mine for "Harper's" on "A Remedy for the Decline of the Birthrate in London Society." The subject is delicate for a popular magazine, and I need to have my mind free. May I beg you to tell me exactly what you mean, without being too witty?
Flora.I'm really very sorry. Very sorry. If I'm witty, I honestly assure you it's an oversight. All I can tell you is that Cedric and I have had an extremely serious difference of opinion, on a vital matter, and there's no hope of our views being reconciled, and so we aren't going to get married.
Charles.Not really!
Flora.Yes.
Mrs. R. Haslam.(Half to herself.) And this is all you can find to do, to help me with my article! (ToFlora.) I suppose I must imitate your calmness.
Flora.(Winningly.) Oh! please do.
Mrs. R. Haslam.When did you and Cedric settle this?
Flora.We haven't settled it. Have we hada moment alone together since we left Pixton?I'vesettled it. One person can settle these things.
Mrs. R. Haslam.Do you mean to say that Cedric doesn't know what you're telling me?
Flora.Not unless he's listening behind the door. I inform you before anyone.
Mrs. R. Haslam.Of course father and I both noticed that you were far from being yourselves. But we put it down to the shock and disappointment.
Flora.To the Frampington accident? Oh, no! A Frampington accident might happen to any unmarried couple. I'm afraid our gloom was caused by nothing but a terrible fear.
Mrs. R. Haslam.Terrible fear?
Flora.Terrible fear lest neither of us would have the audacity to profit by Mr. Frampington's revelation.
Mrs. R. Haslam.Audacity! Your audacity astounds me.
Flora.Yes, it rather startles even me. Now, will you mind telling Cedric?
Mrs. R. Haslam.I! (Looks at her. Then exit,L.)
Flora.Are you also struck dumb?
Charles.I suppose the kick-up was about—Snowdon versus honeymoon.
Flora.Charlie, how penetrating you are, really! And you put it in a nutshell.
Charles.Well, when we burst into that hotel this morning I could have sworn something was wrong. Don't you remember I enquired what was the matter? And just now when I was asking Rick what he meant to do, it didn't want any very powerful penetration to see that there must have been a hades of a rumpus between him and you.
Flora.(Puzzlingly.) Oh! Didn't it? And what's your opinion? Do you think Snowdon ought to win?
Charles.Well, it's fiendishly important.
Flora.I know. But don't you think a honeymoon's somehow more important?
Charles.Somehoneymoons might be.
Flora.What should you have done in Cedric's place?
Charles.But look here, Flo, hehasgiven way, you know.
Flora.Yes, but against his judgment.
Charles.Well, he couldn't help that.
Flora.You're wrong, Charlie.
Charles.Am I?
Flora.Couldn't help it? If Cedric can't control his judgment better than that, in a serious matter, at the very start of the marriage, so much the worse for him and for me.
Charles.Perhaps so.
Flora.Charlie, there are some things that you understand better than Cedric.
Charles.That's what I always say, but no one believes me.
Flora.It's true. Do you know I'm simply shaking?
Charles.Fright? (Floranods.) I can believe you are, but nobody'd guess it.
(Half-enterCedric,L.)
Cedric.(Stopping at half-opened door. To somebody outside the room.) What's that you say? (Exit again, leaving door ajar.)
Flora.You'd better go. Don't forget the imitation curate's waiting for you.
Charles.Frizzle the imitation curate.
Flora.You'll be in the way here—don't you see?
Charles.But you're sending me off just at the interesting part. And you'll all be gone to bed before I get back from the office.
Flora.Yes, but I hope we shall all still be alive to-morrow. Now—there's a dear, before Cedric comes.
Charles.But—is it really serious? (Floranods.) Then we shan't have to go to Chelmsford to-morrow? (Florashakes her head.) Nor any other day? (Florashakes her head.Charlesmoves reluctantly towards the door.) Well, I can't realise it, and that's flat. I say——
Flora.Yes?
Charles.Would you mind telling father or mother to see that my supper is set for me in the garden to-night? And something solid, too!
(EnterCedric.)
Flora.I will.
(ExitCharles,back.)
Flora.I see your mother's told you. Well, what can I say to you?
Cedric.(Sitting down.) You might congratulate me on the way I'm keeping calm under stress.
Flora.But why do you come in like this and look at me like this?
Cedric.Idle curiosity! Having received the news from the mater, I was absurdly curious to hear any remarks you might have to make to me. So I came in—like this.
Flora.Cedric, I did it the best way I could. I thought I would imitate the blandness of the sham curate. You haven't seen him to-night, but I may tell you he carries blandness further than it has ever been carried before.... I was afraid if I didn't do it at once it might never be done. I could see the time going on and going on, and me preparing myself to do this thing in a nice, kind, tactful, proper way, exactly as it should be done—andnever doing it—never beginning to do it! And at last finding myself at Chelmsford to-morrow, and hypnotised by your mother and the Bishop. Cedric, I'm sure it's a mistake toprepareto do a thing like this, leading up to it, and so on. The best plan is to let it go off with a frightfulbang, anyhow, as I've done! Then the worst happens at the start instead of at the finish.
Cedric.I quite see the argument.
Flora.(With a nod of the head towards the door,L.) You've told her the reason?
Cedric.She'd half guessed it. I made it seem as plausible as I could, in my taciturn way. But you know it would need a course of lectures to explain it properly.
Flora.I suppose I ought to depart hence. Where is your mother now?
Cedric.She's briefly stating the facts to the head of the family.
Flora.Cedric, don't you feel as if I'd lifted an enormous weight off your chest? Candidly!
Cedric.No; but I feel as if we'd been sitting all day in a stuffy railway carriage with a window that wouldn't open, and there'd been a collision that had pitched us clean through it. I've got oxygen, but I'm dashed if I can feel my legs.
Flora.My dear Cedric, if you were seriously injured you couldn't talk like that.
(Enter,L.,during the last words,Mrs. Reach HaslamandMr. Reach Haslam,very solemn.)
(Enter,L.,during the last words,Mrs. Reach HaslamandMr. Reach Haslam,very solemn.)
Mrs. R. Haslam.Has Charlie gone?
Flora.Yes. By the way, he wants his supper set in the garden—he asked me to tell you.
Mrs. R. Haslam.Thank you.
Flora.Something solid, he said.
Mrs. R. Haslam.(Sitting down.) Cedric, I wish your father to hear for himself exactly what the situation is. I naturally turn to him and leave everythingtohim.... Now, father.
Mr. R. Haslam.So far as I've gathered, there seems to be some slight difficulty as to dates. To-day's the 20th—to-morrow will be the 21st (looking at date calendar). Yes, the 21st. Flora thinks the honeymoon ought to end on the 21stprox., whereas Cedric thinks the honeymoon ought to end in about ten days' time, say 1stprox.The difference of opinion (ironical stress) on this highly important matter, this fundamental matter, is final. Hence Flora has absolutely decided to break off the marriage.
Flora.That's it.
Mr. R. Haslam.Nothing could be simpler.
Mrs. R. Haslam.Flora, how can you sit there and trifle with our deepest feelings, in this utterly cynical manner?
Flora.(Persuasively.) I hope we aren't going to converse as if we were characters in a powerful novel of modern society. This is real life, you know, let's talk as if we were real people—do you mind?
Mrs. R. Haslam.Personally, I am not aware of being unreal. Butyouseem to be unaware that you are playing with tragic things.
Flora.As I told Cedric in the first act——
Mrs. R. Haslam.(Staggered beyond measure.) In the first act!
Flora.My dear. I'm only trying to fall in with your wish to turn this affair into a tragedy. If it is a tragedy, the first act occurred this morning. As I told Cedric this morning, we've stumbled across a question of vital principle. Is our marriage to be the most important thing in our lives, or isn't it? If it is, then nothing less than an earthquake could possibly disturb the honeymoon, because I suppose you'll admit the honeymoon is the most urgent part of matrimony. If our marriage isnotto be the most important thing in our lives—all right! That's a point of view that I can understand; only—I don't want to get married. And I won't! (Pause.)
Mrs. R. Haslam.Cedric, why don't you speak?
Cedric.Nothing to say.
Mrs. R. Haslam.Your silence is excessive.
Flora.(Still persuasively.) We solemnly arrange our honeymoon. Then Cedric happens to see a newspaper and he as good as says, "Here's something more important than our honeymoon. Our honeymoon must give way to this." And after all, this terrific something is nothing whatever but a purely business matter—something to do with the works.
Mrs. R. Haslam.Something to do with England, with Cedric's career, with Cedric's duty.
Flora.(Turning toMr. Reach Haslam.) Supposing Cedric one day said he couldn't attend his father's funeral because his career called him elsewhere, because England wanted him, what should you say?
Mr. R. Haslam.I probably shouldn't open my mouth.
Mrs. R. Haslam.A funeral is different——
Flora.It is. But I can't help thinking that if circumstances oughtn't to prevent a man from going to a funeral, they oughtn't to prevent him from going to his own honeymoon.
Cedric.I hope you won't lose sight of the fact that I gave way to you absolutely about five hours ago.
Mr. R. Haslam.That's the trouble.
Mrs. R. Haslam.Father!
Mr. R. Haslam.Yes, that's the trouble,because his giving way to her is a proof that he didn't share her views. What Flora objects to in Cedric is not what he does, but what he thinks. She seems to me to have no use for free-thinking in a husband.
Flora.I won't argue any further.
Mrs. R. Haslam.But why not? Surely that is unreasonable.
Flora.Because in an argument I always begin rather well, but in the end I'm apt to get beaten. So I just stop, especially when I know I'm right. I'm a short distance woman. All I say is—can you imagine me—me, running off to Ostend with a man who had sacrificed his career, and Snowdon, and all England, unwillingly, in order to go ... what gay little suppers we should have together!
Mrs. R. Haslam.One day, perhaps when it's too late, you'll realise that a wife's first duty, and therefore her greatest joy, is to help her husband. I knowIrealised it, at once. When I was married, Reach was only earning three hundred a year; he was a solicitor's managing clerk—weren't you, father? I said to myself that I ought to try to help him, and so I began to write. And as a wife, I've been doing my best to help him ever since. After ten years I thought it advisable for him to give up the law. How much did I pay income-tax on last year, dear?
Mr. R. Haslam.Nineteen thousand four hundred pounds.
Mrs. R. Haslam.I don't boast, but you see what comes of trying to do one's wifely duty!
Flora.Some women can do nothing but earn money. (Cedricbegins playing mechanically with an object on the table.) I can only spend it. Two different talents! If I had a hundred pounds to throw away at this moment, I know what I should spend it on—— (A pause. She looks round; exerting all her wayward charm.) Come, why doesn't some one ask me what I should spend it on?
Mrs. R. Haslam.(Gloomily perfunctory.) What should you spend it on?
Flora.I should erect a statue to Mr. Frampington. It would be a good thing if there were a few more Frampingtons about, just to give people who've got as far as the vestry a chance of reconsidering their position.
Mrs. R. Haslam.Upon my word, Flora (cuttingly), one would say, from your sparkling wit, that you were quite in high spirits over the situation.
Flora.Well, my dear, in one way I could cry my eyes out, but in another Iamrather uplifted when I think of what Mr. Frampington has saved us from.
Mrs. R. Haslam.Saved you from! (Very courteously and quietly.) Really, I shouldhave thought that any woman would have been more than a little flattered at the prospect of marrying into the Haslam family, of being the wife of Cedric. No house in London is more sought after than ours. It isn't too much to say that Cedric is now one of the most celebrated men in England——
Cedric.(Crossly.) Look here, mater—— (He keeps his head down; he is still playing with the object on the table.)
Mr. R. Haslam.(Sharply.) Cedric! (Mrs. Reach Haslamlooks at her husband, as if expecting him majestically to reprove his son.) I wish you'd play with something else for a change.
Mrs. R. Haslam.I speak kindly, but I speak plainly, and I'm not ashamed of doing so. I say one of the most celebrated men in England. Indeed, it wouldn't surprise me to learn that among the masses of the people Cedric is better known even than I am myself.
Cedric.Mater, I'm off!
Mr. R. Haslam.(Severely to him.) You'll kindly stay where you are. There are times when one ought to be frank. (Still very courteously and quietly toFlora.) You know I was not at first altogether in favour of this marriage—not what could be described as uncontrollably enthusiastic about it. I have appreciated your excellent qualities, but——
Flora.(Smiling.) Please don't expose me. Comfort yourself with the thought of what Mr. Frampington has savedyoufrom.
(Mr. Reach Haslamrises softly and goes towards door, back.)
(Mr. Reach Haslamrises softly and goes towards door, back.)
Mrs. R. Haslam.Where are you going, father?
Mr. R. Haslam.I thought I'd just make sure about Charlie's supper, before it slipped my memory. (Exit back.)
Mrs. R. Haslam.(Turning toFloraagain, pained.) You are forgetting the terrible scandal that will ensue if you persist in your present course, dear Flora. The honeymoon actually begun! and then—this bombshell! How shall we break it to the Bishop? How can I ever look the Bishop in the face again! How can I ever look anybody in the face again?... To-day of all days, when my new book has just come out! And with my article to finish, on the decline of the birthrate among the well-to-do classes!... Howcanwe explain to people that the marriage is broken off when there's certain to be an account of the wedding in every paper to-morrow morning?
Flora.That, at any rate, isn't my fault. By-the-way, howdidthat paragraph get into the "Piccadilly Gazette"? (Mischievously.) Isuppose it must have slipped in while you were looking the other way.
Mrs. R. Haslam.(With controlled acerbity.) When you begin to figure prominently in the life of your country, Flora, you'll understand, perhaps, a little better than you do now that newspaper reporters, whatever their sex, simply will not be denied. They reside on the doorstep. One cannot be rude. At least I can't.
Flora.I hope I never shall figure prominently in the life of my country. But I want to figure prominently in the life of my husband.
Mrs. R. Haslam.The newspapers——
Cedric.Excuse me, mater, but isn't this right off the point?
Mrs. R. Haslam.(To herself.) And I was looking forward to a quiet half hour with my press-cuttings!
(Silence.)
(EnterMr. Reach Haslamcautiously, back.)
Mr. R. Haslam.(Mildly cheerful.) Well, where have you got to?
Flora.I think we're gradually working back again to the importance of marriage in the life of the husband.
Mr. R. Haslam.That's better! That's better! (Sits.)
Mrs. R. Haslam.Flora, you'll pardon meoffering my opinion, as an experienced student of human nature, but when you say "the importance of marriage," I think you really mean your own individual importance. Personal vanity is very misleading.
Flora.Oh! It is.
Mrs. R. Haslam.Your attitude might be more defensible if you were a differentkindof woman. I don't say it would be more defensible, but it might be.
Cedric.Oh, look here, mater——
Mrs. R. Haslam.Cedric, may I venture to converse in my own study?
Flora.(ToCedric.) Don't you understand that this is not your act? (Rising.) How a different kind of woman?
Mrs. R. Haslam.(Quietly courteous.) I mean, if you brought more to the marriage.
Flora.Money? I'm not rich, but you see I'm rich enough to despise ten thousand pounds.
Mrs. R. Haslam.(Protesting.) Flora! Please don't mention such a thing! HaveImentioned it? I think we Haslams are as capable as anybody of despising ten thousand pounds. (Very kindly.) No, I mean, if you had more to show in the way of—shall I say?—striking personal talent. You can have norôleexcept that of wife, purely social and domestic. And yet your attitude seems somehow to claim theprivileges of a—a great singer, or a great pianist, or——
Flora.A great novelist?
Mrs. R. Haslam.(Imperturbable.) No, no. I was thinking more of public performers.... Genius.... If you had genius, talents. Mind, I'm not blaming you for not having them. I make no reflection whatever.... Of course you are good, I hope, and you're beautiful.
Flora.So they say.
Mrs. R. Haslam.But beauty is a mere gift—from heaven.
Flora.My dear, what's the difference between a talent, and a gift from heaven? I remember not very long since you were really quite annoyed because the "Saturday Review," I think it was, referred to you as "Mrs. Reach Haslam, the talented novelist." Whereas you are constantly being called the "gifted novelist," and you like it. (She begins to sit down.)
Mr. R. Haslam.Pardon me. "Like" is too strong a word. My wife prefers to be mentioned as "Mrs. Reach Haslam," simply—don't you, dear? One doesn't expect to read in the papers "Mr. Balfour, the talented statesman," "Lord Northcliffe, the talented statesman." One expects only "Mr. Balfour," "Lord Northcliffe."
Mrs. R. Haslam.(Waving him graciously intosilence.ToFlora.) I willingly admit, dear, that in its origin a talent—like mine, if you insist—isa gift from heaven. But what years of study are necessary to perfect it! Whereas mere beauty, charm——
Flora.(Having sat down, and finally arranged her fan and shawl, etc.) It's taken me at least seven years of intense study to learn to sit down like that—and in another two years I shall do it even better. (With a delightful smile.)
Mrs. R. Haslam.(Graciously lenient.) But seriously——
Flora.Seriously? (Stopping, in a different tone.) My dear, did the Bishop say anything when I left the room?
Mrs. R. Haslam.Say anything! About what?
Flora.About me.
Mr. R. Haslam.He remarked that you were a ravishing creature.
Flora.Jokingly?
Mr. R. Haslam.No. He was quite serious.
Flora.That's just it. If it was only frivolous, empty-headed boys who were serious about it, but it isn't. The most high-minded, middle-aged men are serious about it. Why, even chaffeurs and policemen are serious about it. There must besomethingin it. Wherever I go people are more serious about me than about anybody else—even if singers andpianists happen to be present. If I arrive late at the theatres I'm the play for at least two minutes. And I assure you in the streets it often occurs that men I don't know hurry after me very seriously about it—even if I'm veiled. And yet you and I have the same dressmaker! It's always been like that—ever since my first marriage. And it's getting more and more marked. I don't mind telling you, my dear, that my own secret view of my importance is perhaps as modest as yours is of yours—but what can you and I do against the universal opinion? I've begin to bow before the storm. It's the wisest course. You talk about what I bring to the marriage (proudly). I bring to the marriage the gift of heaven, cultivated by the labour of a lifetime, and, as to its value, there's only one estimate, except yours (with a catch in her voice)—and Cedric's! Cedric puts an aeroplane higher.
Cedric.I beg your pardon——
Flora.(With emotion.) Yes, you do! Yes, you do! When there came a conflict between my honeymoon and your aeroplane, you decided instantly against the honeymoon, before I'd even been asked! You didn't even consult me.
Cedric.Aeroplane! Aeroplane! You keep on saying aeroplane, but——
Flora.(Calmer.) Listen. I know you've given way. I know you've offered not to sacrifice the honeymoon, but don't you really think still in your own mind that the honeymoonoughtto be sacrificed? (Cedricdoes not answer—pause.) You know perfectly well it's a relief to you that I've cried off! Come, honestly now?
Mr. R. Haslam.(Warningly, under his breath.) Nottoohonestly.
Cedric.(Quietly.) Yes, Idothink part of the honeymoon ought to be sacrificed. And I never dreamed that you would think otherwise. It's a difference of opinion that simply staggers me. It doesn't only stagger me—it frightens me. It makes one reflect, you know.
Flora.Then youarerelieved? You're grateful.
Cedric.(Moved and stammering.) I ought to be. Of course you're the only person who could cry off.
Flora.What do you mean?
Cedric.Some things a man can't do.
Flora.Do you sit there and say that if I hadn't cut the knot, you'd have gone on, and you'd have let me go on, with a marriage you didn't believe in? Because you're a man, and there are some things a man can't do! Can't a man show as much pluck as a woman? Thatdoessettle it! (Controlling herself.)
Mrs. R. Haslam.Flora, you'll regret you've thrown Cedric over. You'll certainly want to come back to him.
Flora.(Disdainfully.) Shall I! (Politely.) Good-night, Mrs. Haslam.
Mrs. R. Haslam.But where are you going?
Flora.I don't know. How can I stay here? My official connection with this house is ended. I shall go to a hotel. Good-night.Somany thanks!
Mrs. R. Haslam.(Rising and going to her; firmly.) I'm sure you'll oblige me by not scandalising the servants. You can choose a hotel to-morrow morning. I'll go with you to your room, if I may. All your trunks will be up there by this time.
(ExeuntFlora,submissive, andMrs. Reach Haslam,back.)(Mr. Reach Haslamslowly prepares for work at desk.)
(ExeuntFlora,submissive, andMrs. Reach Haslam,back.)
(Mr. Reach Haslamslowly prepares for work at desk.)
Cedric.I'm off into the garden. (Pulls out his cigarette case.) (Exit,L.)
Mrs. R. Haslam.(Aside asCedricgoes.) Nincompoop!
(EnterMrs. Reach Haslam.)
Mrs. R. Haslam.Dear, before I go on with that article, I should like to make a few noteson Flora's demeanour, while the thing's fresh in my mind. One never knows when that kind of stuff won't come in useful.
Mrs. R. Haslam.Where's the boy?
Mr. R. Haslam.In the garden. (Half to himself.) Of all places!
Mrs. R. Haslam.(Collecting her thoughts and beginning to dictate.) "Essentially hysterical in a crisis, but does not pull a face before weeping, probably owing to advice from toilette specialist." Yes, full stop.
(Curtain.)