Chapter 3

The Street before the Playhouse.MirabelandDuretete,as coming from the Play.

Dur.How d'ye like this play?Y. Mir.I liked the company;—the lady, the rich beauty, in the front box, had my attention: These impudent poets bring the ladies together to support them, and to kill every body else.For deaths upon the stage, the ladies cry,But ne'er mind us, that in the audience die:The poet's hero should not move their pain,But they should weep for those their eyes have slain.Dur.Hoyty, toyty! did Phillis inspire you with all this?Y. Mir.Ten times more; the playhouse is the element of poetry, because the region of beauty; the ladies, methinks, have a more inspiring, triumphant air in the boxes than any where else—they sit, commanding on their thrones, with all their subject slaves about them;—Their best clothes, best looks, shining jewels, sparkling eyes; the treasure of the world in a ring.—I could wish that my whole life long, were the first night of a new play.Dur.The fellow has quite forgot this journey;—have you bespoke post horses?Y. Mir.Grant me but three days, dear Captain, one to discover the lady, one to unfold myself, and one to make me happy, and then I'm yours to the world's end.Dur.Hast thou the impudence to promise thyself a lady of her figure and quality in so short a time?Y. Mir.Yes, sir; I have a confident address, no disagreeable person, and five hundred Lewis d'ors in my pocket.Dur.Five hundred Lewis d'ors! you an't mad!Y. Mir.I tell you, she's worth five thousand; one of her black, brilliant eyes, is worth a diamond as big as her head.Dur.But you have owned to me, that, abating Oriana's pretensions to marriage, you loved her passionately; then how can you wander at this rate?Y. Mir.I longed for a partridge t'other day, off the king's plate, but d'ye think, because I could not have it, I must eat nothing?EnterOriana,in Boy's Clothes, with a Letter.Oriana.Is your name Mirabel, sir?Y. Mir.Yes, sir.Oriana.A letter from your uncle, in Picardy.[Gives the Letter.Y. Mir.[Reads.]The bearer is the son of a protestant gentleman, who, flying for his religion, left me the charge of this youth.—A pretty Boy!—He's fond of some handsome service, that may afford him opportunity of improvement: your care of him will oblige,Yours.Hast a mind to travel, child?Oriana.'Tis my desire, sir; I should be pleased to serve a traveller in any capacity.Y. Mir.A hopeful inclination; you shall along with me into Italy, as my page.Dur.[Noise without.] Too handsome—The play's done, and some of the ladies come this way.[Lamorcewithout, with her Train borne up by aPage.Y. Mir.Duretete, the very dear, identical she!Dur.And what then?Y. Mir.Why, 'tis she!Dur.And what then, sir?Y. Mir.Then!—Why, lookye, sirrah, the first piece of service I put upon you, is to follow that lady's coach, and bring me word where she lives.[ToOriana.Oriana.I don't know the town, sir, and am afraid of losing myself.Y. Mir.Pshaw!EnterLamorceandPage.Lam.Page, what's become of all my people?Page.I can't tell, madam; I can see no sign of your ladyship's coach.Lam.That fellow has got into his old pranks, and fallen drunk somewhere;—none of the footmen there?Page.Not one, madam.Lam.These servants are the plague of our lives—what shall I do?Y. Mir.By all my hopes, Fortune pimps for me! now, Duretete, for a piece of gallantry!Dur.Why, you won't, sure?Y. Mir.Won't, brute!—Let not your servants' neglect, madam, put your ladyship to any inconvenience; for you can't be disappointed of an equipage, whilst mine waits below: and, would you honour the master so far, he would be proud to pay his attendance.Dur.Ay, to be sure![Aside.Lam.Sir, I won't presume to be troublesome, for my habitation is a great way off.Dur.Very true, madam, and he's a little engaged; besides, madam—a hackney coach will do as well, madam.Y. Mir.Rude beast, be quiet! [ToDuretete.] The farther from home, madam, the more occasion you have for a guard—pray, madam—Lam.Lard, sir——[He seems to press, she to decline it, in dumb show.Dur.Ah! The devil's in his impudence! now he wheedles, she smiles—he flatters, she simpers—he swears, she believes—he's a rogue, and she's a w——in a moment.Y. Mir.Without there! my coach! Duretete, wish me joy![Hands the Lady out.Dur.Wish you a——! Here, you little Picard, go follow your master, and he'll lead you——Oriana.Whither, sir?Dur.To the Academy, child—'tis the fashion with men of quality, to teach their pages their exercises—go.Oriana.Won't you go with him too, sir? That woman may do him some harm, I don't like her.Dur.Why, how now, Mr. Page, do you start up, to give laws of a sudden? Do you pretend to rise at court, and disapprove the pleasure of your betters?—Lookye, sirrah, if ever you would rise by a great man, be sure to be with him in his little actions; and, as a step to your advancement, follow your master immediately, and make it your hope, that he goes to a bagnio.Oriana.Heavens forbid![Exit.Dur.Now would I sooner take a cart in company of the hangman, than a coach with that woman:—What a strange antipathy have I taken against these creatures! a woman to me, is aversion upon aversion! a cheese, a cat, a breast of mutton, the squalling of children, the grinding of knives, and the snuff of a candle.

Dur.How d'ye like this play?

Y. Mir.I liked the company;—the lady, the rich beauty, in the front box, had my attention: These impudent poets bring the ladies together to support them, and to kill every body else.

For deaths upon the stage, the ladies cry,But ne'er mind us, that in the audience die:The poet's hero should not move their pain,But they should weep for those their eyes have slain.

Dur.Hoyty, toyty! did Phillis inspire you with all this?

Y. Mir.Ten times more; the playhouse is the element of poetry, because the region of beauty; the ladies, methinks, have a more inspiring, triumphant air in the boxes than any where else—they sit, commanding on their thrones, with all their subject slaves about them;—Their best clothes, best looks, shining jewels, sparkling eyes; the treasure of the world in a ring.—I could wish that my whole life long, were the first night of a new play.

Dur.The fellow has quite forgot this journey;—have you bespoke post horses?

Y. Mir.Grant me but three days, dear Captain, one to discover the lady, one to unfold myself, and one to make me happy, and then I'm yours to the world's end.

Dur.Hast thou the impudence to promise thyself a lady of her figure and quality in so short a time?

Y. Mir.Yes, sir; I have a confident address, no disagreeable person, and five hundred Lewis d'ors in my pocket.

Dur.Five hundred Lewis d'ors! you an't mad!

Y. Mir.I tell you, she's worth five thousand; one of her black, brilliant eyes, is worth a diamond as big as her head.

Dur.But you have owned to me, that, abating Oriana's pretensions to marriage, you loved her passionately; then how can you wander at this rate?

Y. Mir.I longed for a partridge t'other day, off the king's plate, but d'ye think, because I could not have it, I must eat nothing?

EnterOriana,in Boy's Clothes, with a Letter.

Oriana.Is your name Mirabel, sir?

Y. Mir.Yes, sir.

Oriana.A letter from your uncle, in Picardy.

[Gives the Letter.

Y. Mir.[Reads.]The bearer is the son of a protestant gentleman, who, flying for his religion, left me the charge of this youth.—A pretty Boy!—He's fond of some handsome service, that may afford him opportunity of improvement: your care of him will oblige,Yours.

Hast a mind to travel, child?

Oriana.'Tis my desire, sir; I should be pleased to serve a traveller in any capacity.

Y. Mir.A hopeful inclination; you shall along with me into Italy, as my page.

Dur.[Noise without.] Too handsome—The play's done, and some of the ladies come this way.

[Lamorcewithout, with her Train borne up by aPage.

Y. Mir.Duretete, the very dear, identical she!

Dur.And what then?

Y. Mir.Why, 'tis she!

Dur.And what then, sir?

Y. Mir.Then!—Why, lookye, sirrah, the first piece of service I put upon you, is to follow that lady's coach, and bring me word where she lives.[ToOriana.

Oriana.I don't know the town, sir, and am afraid of losing myself.

Y. Mir.Pshaw!

EnterLamorceandPage.

Lam.Page, what's become of all my people?

Page.I can't tell, madam; I can see no sign of your ladyship's coach.

Lam.That fellow has got into his old pranks, and fallen drunk somewhere;—none of the footmen there?

Page.Not one, madam.

Lam.These servants are the plague of our lives—what shall I do?

Y. Mir.By all my hopes, Fortune pimps for me! now, Duretete, for a piece of gallantry!

Dur.Why, you won't, sure?

Y. Mir.Won't, brute!—Let not your servants' neglect, madam, put your ladyship to any inconvenience; for you can't be disappointed of an equipage, whilst mine waits below: and, would you honour the master so far, he would be proud to pay his attendance.

Dur.Ay, to be sure![Aside.

Lam.Sir, I won't presume to be troublesome, for my habitation is a great way off.

Dur.Very true, madam, and he's a little engaged; besides, madam—a hackney coach will do as well, madam.

Y. Mir.Rude beast, be quiet! [ToDuretete.] The farther from home, madam, the more occasion you have for a guard—pray, madam—

Lam.Lard, sir——

[He seems to press, she to decline it, in dumb show.

Dur.Ah! The devil's in his impudence! now he wheedles, she smiles—he flatters, she simpers—he swears, she believes—he's a rogue, and she's a w——in a moment.

Y. Mir.Without there! my coach! Duretete, wish me joy!

[Hands the Lady out.

Dur.Wish you a——! Here, you little Picard, go follow your master, and he'll lead you——

Oriana.Whither, sir?

Dur.To the Academy, child—'tis the fashion with men of quality, to teach their pages their exercises—go.

Oriana.Won't you go with him too, sir? That woman may do him some harm, I don't like her.

Dur.Why, how now, Mr. Page, do you start up, to give laws of a sudden? Do you pretend to rise at court, and disapprove the pleasure of your betters?—Lookye, sirrah, if ever you would rise by a great man, be sure to be with him in his little actions; and, as a step to your advancement, follow your master immediately, and make it your hope, that he goes to a bagnio.

Oriana.Heavens forbid![Exit.

Dur.Now would I sooner take a cart in company of the hangman, than a coach with that woman:—What a strange antipathy have I taken against these creatures! a woman to me, is aversion upon aversion! a cheese, a cat, a breast of mutton, the squalling of children, the grinding of knives, and the snuff of a candle.

Lamorce'sLodgings.EnterMirabelandLamorce.

Lam.To convince me, sir, that your service was something more than good breeding, please to lay out an hour of your company upon my desire, as you have already upon my necessity.Y. Mir.Your desire, madam, has only prevented my request:—My hours! Make them yours, madam, eleven, twelve, one, two, three, and all that belong to those happy minutes.Lam.But I must trouble you, sir, to dismiss your retinue, because an equipage at my door, at this time of night, will not be consistent with my reputation.Y. Mir.By all means, madam, all but one little boy—Here, page!EnterOriana.Order my coach and servants home, and do you stay; 'tis a foolish country-boy, that knows nothing but innocence.Lam.Innocence, sir! I should be sorry if you made any sinister constructions of my freedom.Y. Mir.O, madam, I must not pretend to remark upon any body's freedom, having so entirely forfeited my own.Lam.Well, sir, 'twere convenient towards our easy correspondence, that we entered into a free confidence of each other, by a mutual declaration of what we are, and what we think of one another.—Now, sir, what are you?Y. Mir.In three words, madam,—I am a gentleman, and have five hundred pounds in my pocket.Lam.And your name is——Y. Mir.Mustapha.—Now, madam, the inventory of your fortunes?Lam.My name is Lamorce—my birth, noble; I was married young, to a proud, rude, sullen, impetuous fellow;—the husband spoiled the gentleman;—crying ruined my face, till at last, I took heart, leaped out of a window, got away to my friends, sued my tyrant, and recovered my fortune.—I lived from fifteen to twenty, to please a husband; from twenty to forty, I'm resolved to please myself, and from thence, upwards, I'll humour the world.Y. Mir.Ha! ha! ha! I rejoice in your good fortune, with all my heart!Lam.O, now I think on't, Mr. Mustapha, you have got the finest ring there, I could scarcely believe it right; pray let me see it.Y. Mir.Hum! Yes, madam, 'tis—'tis right—but—but—but—but—but it was given me by my mother—an old family ring, madam—an old-fashioned, family ring.Lam.Ay, sir!—If you can entertain yourself for a moment, I'll wait on you immediately.Y. Mir.Certainly the stars have been in a strange, intriguing humour, when I was born.—Ay, this night should I have had a bride in my arms, and that I should like well enough! But what should I have to-morrow night? The same. And what next night? The same. And what next night? The very same: Soup for breakfast, soup for dinner, soup for supper, and soup for breakfast again—But here's variety.I love the fair, who freely gives her heart,That's mine by ties of nature, not of art;Who boldly owns whate'er her thoughts indite,And is too modest for a hypocrite.[Lamorceappears at the Door; as he runs towardsher, FourBravoesstep in before her.Hestarts back.She comes, she comes—Hum, hum—Bitch—Murdered, murdered, to be sure! The cursed strumpet! To make me send away my servants—Nobody near me! These cut-throats always make sure work.——What shall I do? I have but one way. Are these gentlemen your relations, madam?Lam.Yes, sir.Y. Mir.Gentlemen, your most humble servant;—sir, your most faithful; yours, sir, with all my heart; your most obedient—come, gentlemen, [Salutes all round.] please to sit—no ceremony—next the lady, pray, sir.Lam.Well, sir, and how d'ye like my friends?[They all sit.Y. Mir.O, madam, the most finished gentlemen! I was never more happy in good company in my life; I suppose, sir, you have travelled?1 Bra.Yes, sir.Y. Mir.Which way, may I presume?1 Bra.In a western barge, sir.Y. Mir.Ha! ha! ha! very pretty! facetious pretty gentleman!Lam.Ha! ha! ha! sir, you have got the prettiest ring upon your finger there—Y. Mir.Ah! Madam, 'tis at your service, with all my heart![Offering the Ring.Lam.By no means, sir, a family ring![Takes it.Y. Mir.No matter, madam.——Seven hundred pound, by this light![Aside.2 Bra.Pray, sir, what's o'clock?Y. Mir.Hum! Sir, I have left my watch at home.2 Bra.I thought I saw the string of it, just now.Y. Mir.Ods my life, sir, I beg your pardon, here it is!—but it don't go.[Putting it up.Lam.O dear sir, an English watch! Tompion's, I presume?Y. Mir.D'ye like, it, madam? No ceremony—'tis at your service, with all my heart and soul!—Tompion's! Hang ye![Aside.1 Bra.But, sir, above all things, I admire the fashion and make, of your sword hilt!Y. Mir.I'm mighty glad you like it, sir!1 Bra.Will you part with it, sir?Y. Mir.Sir, I won't sell it.1 Bra.Not sell it, sir!Y. Mir.No, gentlemen, but I'll bestow it, with all my heart![Offering it.1 Bra.O sir, we shall rob you!Y. Mir.That you do, I'll be sworn! [Aside.] I have another at home; pray, sir,—Gentlemen, you're too modest—have I any thing else that you fancy?—Sir, will you do me a favour? [To the FirstBravo.] I am extremely in love with that hat which you wear, will you do me the favour to change with me?1 Bra.Lookye, sir, this is a family hat, and I would not part with it, but if you like it——[They change Hats.]—I want but a handsome pretence to quarrel with him—Some wine! Sir, your good health.[PullsMirabelby the Nose.Y. Mir.Oh, sir, your most humble servant! a pleasant frolic enough, to drink a man's health, and pull him by the nose! ha! ha! ha! the pleasantest, pretty-humoured gentleman——Lam.Help the gentleman to a glass.[Mirabeldrinks.1 Bra.How d'ye like the wine, sir?Y. Mir.Very good o'the kind, sir:—But I tell ye what, I find we're all inclined to be frolicsome, and 'egad, for my own part, I was never more disposed to be merry; let's make a night on't, ha!—This wine is pretty, but I have such burgundy at home! Lookye, gentlemen, let me send for half a dozen flasks of my burgundy, I defy France to match it;—'twill make us all life, all air, pray, gentlemen.2 Bra.Eh? Shall us have his burgundy?1 Bra.Yes, 'faith, we'll have all we can; here, call up the gentleman's servant.—[ExitFootman.] What think you, Lamorce?Lam.Yes, yes—Your servant is a foolish country boy, sir, he understands nothing but innocence.Y. Mir.Ay, ay, madam.—Here, Page,——EnterOriana.Take this key, and go to my butler, order him to send half a dozen flasks of the red burgundy, marked a thousand; and be sure you make haste, I long to entertain my friends here; my very good friends.Omnes.Ah, dear sir!1 Bra.Here, child, take a glass of wine—Your master and I have changed hats, honey, in a frolic.—Where had you this pretty boy, honest Mustapha?Oriana.Mustapha!Y. Mir.Out of Picardy—this is the first errand he has made for me, and if he does it right, I will encourage him.Oriana.The red burgundy, sir?Y. Mir.The red, marked a thousand, and be sure you make haste.Oriana.I shall, sir.[Exit.1 Bra.Sir, you were pleased to like my hat, have you any fancy for my coat?—Lookye, sir, it has served a great many honest gentlemen, very faithfully.Y. Mir.The insolence of these dogs is beyond their cruelty![Aside.Lam.You're melancholy, sir.Y. Mir.Only concerned, madam, that I should have no servant here but this little boy—he'll make some confounded blunder, I'll lay my life on't; I would not be disappointed of my wine, for the universe.Lam.He'll do well enough, sir; but supper's ready; will you please to eat a bit, sir?Y. Mir.O, madam, I never had a better stomach in my life.Lam.Come, then, we have nothing but a plate of soup.Y. Mir.Ah! the marriage soup I could dispense with now.[Aside.—Exit, handing the Lady.2 Bra.Shall we dispatch him?3 Bra.To be sure; I think he knows me.1 Bra.Ay, ay, dead men tell no tales; I han't the confidence to look a man in the face, after I have done him an injury, therefore we'll murder him.[Exeunt.

Lam.To convince me, sir, that your service was something more than good breeding, please to lay out an hour of your company upon my desire, as you have already upon my necessity.

Y. Mir.Your desire, madam, has only prevented my request:—My hours! Make them yours, madam, eleven, twelve, one, two, three, and all that belong to those happy minutes.

Lam.But I must trouble you, sir, to dismiss your retinue, because an equipage at my door, at this time of night, will not be consistent with my reputation.

Y. Mir.By all means, madam, all but one little boy—Here, page!

EnterOriana.

Order my coach and servants home, and do you stay; 'tis a foolish country-boy, that knows nothing but innocence.

Lam.Innocence, sir! I should be sorry if you made any sinister constructions of my freedom.

Y. Mir.O, madam, I must not pretend to remark upon any body's freedom, having so entirely forfeited my own.

Lam.Well, sir, 'twere convenient towards our easy correspondence, that we entered into a free confidence of each other, by a mutual declaration of what we are, and what we think of one another.—Now, sir, what are you?

Y. Mir.In three words, madam,—I am a gentleman, and have five hundred pounds in my pocket.

Lam.And your name is——

Y. Mir.Mustapha.—Now, madam, the inventory of your fortunes?

Lam.My name is Lamorce—my birth, noble; I was married young, to a proud, rude, sullen, impetuous fellow;—the husband spoiled the gentleman;—crying ruined my face, till at last, I took heart, leaped out of a window, got away to my friends, sued my tyrant, and recovered my fortune.—I lived from fifteen to twenty, to please a husband; from twenty to forty, I'm resolved to please myself, and from thence, upwards, I'll humour the world.

Y. Mir.Ha! ha! ha! I rejoice in your good fortune, with all my heart!

Lam.O, now I think on't, Mr. Mustapha, you have got the finest ring there, I could scarcely believe it right; pray let me see it.

Y. Mir.Hum! Yes, madam, 'tis—'tis right—but—but—but—but—but it was given me by my mother—an old family ring, madam—an old-fashioned, family ring.

Lam.Ay, sir!—If you can entertain yourself for a moment, I'll wait on you immediately.

Y. Mir.Certainly the stars have been in a strange, intriguing humour, when I was born.—Ay, this night should I have had a bride in my arms, and that I should like well enough! But what should I have to-morrow night? The same. And what next night? The same. And what next night? The very same: Soup for breakfast, soup for dinner, soup for supper, and soup for breakfast again—But here's variety.

I love the fair, who freely gives her heart,That's mine by ties of nature, not of art;Who boldly owns whate'er her thoughts indite,And is too modest for a hypocrite.

[Lamorceappears at the Door; as he runs towardsher, FourBravoesstep in before her.Hestarts back.

She comes, she comes—Hum, hum—Bitch—Murdered, murdered, to be sure! The cursed strumpet! To make me send away my servants—Nobody near me! These cut-throats always make sure work.——What shall I do? I have but one way. Are these gentlemen your relations, madam?

Lam.Yes, sir.

Y. Mir.Gentlemen, your most humble servant;—sir, your most faithful; yours, sir, with all my heart; your most obedient—come, gentlemen, [Salutes all round.] please to sit—no ceremony—next the lady, pray, sir.

Lam.Well, sir, and how d'ye like my friends?[They all sit.

Y. Mir.O, madam, the most finished gentlemen! I was never more happy in good company in my life; I suppose, sir, you have travelled?

1 Bra.Yes, sir.

Y. Mir.Which way, may I presume?

1 Bra.In a western barge, sir.

Y. Mir.Ha! ha! ha! very pretty! facetious pretty gentleman!

Lam.Ha! ha! ha! sir, you have got the prettiest ring upon your finger there—

Y. Mir.Ah! Madam, 'tis at your service, with all my heart!

[Offering the Ring.

Lam.By no means, sir, a family ring![Takes it.

Y. Mir.No matter, madam.——Seven hundred pound, by this light![Aside.

2 Bra.Pray, sir, what's o'clock?

Y. Mir.Hum! Sir, I have left my watch at home.

2 Bra.I thought I saw the string of it, just now.

Y. Mir.Ods my life, sir, I beg your pardon, here it is!—but it don't go.

[Putting it up.

Lam.O dear sir, an English watch! Tompion's, I presume?

Y. Mir.D'ye like, it, madam? No ceremony—'tis at your service, with all my heart and soul!—Tompion's! Hang ye![Aside.

1 Bra.But, sir, above all things, I admire the fashion and make, of your sword hilt!

Y. Mir.I'm mighty glad you like it, sir!

1 Bra.Will you part with it, sir?

Y. Mir.Sir, I won't sell it.

1 Bra.Not sell it, sir!

Y. Mir.No, gentlemen, but I'll bestow it, with all my heart![Offering it.

1 Bra.O sir, we shall rob you!

Y. Mir.That you do, I'll be sworn! [Aside.] I have another at home; pray, sir,—Gentlemen, you're too modest—have I any thing else that you fancy?—Sir, will you do me a favour? [To the FirstBravo.] I am extremely in love with that hat which you wear, will you do me the favour to change with me?

1 Bra.Lookye, sir, this is a family hat, and I would not part with it, but if you like it——[They change Hats.]—I want but a handsome pretence to quarrel with him—Some wine! Sir, your good health.

[PullsMirabelby the Nose.

Y. Mir.Oh, sir, your most humble servant! a pleasant frolic enough, to drink a man's health, and pull him by the nose! ha! ha! ha! the pleasantest, pretty-humoured gentleman——

Lam.Help the gentleman to a glass.

[Mirabeldrinks.

1 Bra.How d'ye like the wine, sir?

Y. Mir.Very good o'the kind, sir:—But I tell ye what, I find we're all inclined to be frolicsome, and 'egad, for my own part, I was never more disposed to be merry; let's make a night on't, ha!—This wine is pretty, but I have such burgundy at home! Lookye, gentlemen, let me send for half a dozen flasks of my burgundy, I defy France to match it;—'twill make us all life, all air, pray, gentlemen.

2 Bra.Eh? Shall us have his burgundy?

1 Bra.Yes, 'faith, we'll have all we can; here, call up the gentleman's servant.—[ExitFootman.] What think you, Lamorce?

Lam.Yes, yes—Your servant is a foolish country boy, sir, he understands nothing but innocence.

Y. Mir.Ay, ay, madam.—Here, Page,——

EnterOriana.

Take this key, and go to my butler, order him to send half a dozen flasks of the red burgundy, marked a thousand; and be sure you make haste, I long to entertain my friends here; my very good friends.

Omnes.Ah, dear sir!

1 Bra.Here, child, take a glass of wine—Your master and I have changed hats, honey, in a frolic.—Where had you this pretty boy, honest Mustapha?

Oriana.Mustapha!

Y. Mir.Out of Picardy—this is the first errand he has made for me, and if he does it right, I will encourage him.

Oriana.The red burgundy, sir?

Y. Mir.The red, marked a thousand, and be sure you make haste.

Oriana.I shall, sir.[Exit.

1 Bra.Sir, you were pleased to like my hat, have you any fancy for my coat?—Lookye, sir, it has served a great many honest gentlemen, very faithfully.

Y. Mir.The insolence of these dogs is beyond their cruelty![Aside.

Lam.You're melancholy, sir.

Y. Mir.Only concerned, madam, that I should have no servant here but this little boy—he'll make some confounded blunder, I'll lay my life on't; I would not be disappointed of my wine, for the universe.

Lam.He'll do well enough, sir; but supper's ready; will you please to eat a bit, sir?

Y. Mir.O, madam, I never had a better stomach in my life.

Lam.Come, then, we have nothing but a plate of soup.

Y. Mir.Ah! the marriage soup I could dispense with now.

[Aside.—Exit, handing the Lady.

2 Bra.Shall we dispatch him?

3 Bra.To be sure; I think he knows me.

1 Bra.Ay, ay, dead men tell no tales; I han't the confidence to look a man in the face, after I have done him an injury, therefore we'll murder him.[Exeunt.

Old Mirabel'sHouse.EnterDuretete.

Dur.My friend has forsaken me, I have abandoned my mistress, my time lies heavy upon my hands, and my money burns in my pocket—But now I think on't, my myrmidons are upon duty to-night; I'll fairly stroll down to the guard, and nod away the night with my honest lieutenant, over a flask of wine, a story, and a pipe of tobacco.[Going off,Bisarremeets him.Bis.Who comes there? stand!Dur.Heyday, now she's turned dragoon!Bis.Lookye, sir, I'm told you intend to travel again.—I design to wait on you as far as Italy.Dur.Then I'll travel into Wales.Bis.Wales! What country's that?Dur.The land of mountains, child; where you're never out of the way, 'cause there's no such thing as a highroad.Bis.Rather, always in a high road, because you travel all upon hills; but be't as it will, I'll jog along with you.Dur.But we intend to sail to the East Indies.Bis.East, or West, 'tis all one to me; I'm tight and light, and the fitter for sailing.Dur.But suppose we take through Germany, and drink hard?Bis.Suppose I take through Germany and drink harder than you?Dur.Suppose I go to a bawdy house?Bis.Suppose I show you the way?Dur.'Sdeath, woman! will you go to the guard with me, and smoke a pipe?Bis.Allons donc!Dur.The devil's in the woman!—Suppose I hang myself?Bis.There I'll leave you.Dur.And a happy riddance: the gallows is welcome.Bis.Hold, hold, sir, [Catches him by the Arm, going.] one word before we part.Dur.Let me go, madam,—or I shall think that you're a man, and, perhaps, may examine you.Bis.Stir if you dare; I have still spirits to attend me, and can raise such a muster of fairies, as shall punish you to death.—Come, sir, stand there now, and ogle me: [He frowns upon her.] Now a languishing sigh: [He groans.] Now run, and take my fan,—faster. [He runs, and takes it up.] Now play with it handsomely.Dur.Ay, ay.[He tears it all in pieces.Bis.Hold, hold, dear, humorous coxcomb! Captain, spare my fan, and I'll—Why, you rude, inhuman monster! don't you expect to pay for this?Dur.Yes, madam, there's twelve pence; for that is the price on't.Bis.Sir, it cost a guinea.Dur.Well, madam, you shall have the sticks again.[Throws them to her, and exit.Bis.Ha! ha! ha! ridiculous, below my concern! I must follow him, however, to know if he can give me any news of Oriana.[Exit.

[Going off,Bisarremeets him.

Bis.Who comes there? stand!

Dur.Heyday, now she's turned dragoon!

Bis.Lookye, sir, I'm told you intend to travel again.—I design to wait on you as far as Italy.

Dur.Then I'll travel into Wales.

Bis.Wales! What country's that?

Dur.The land of mountains, child; where you're never out of the way, 'cause there's no such thing as a highroad.

Bis.Rather, always in a high road, because you travel all upon hills; but be't as it will, I'll jog along with you.

Dur.But we intend to sail to the East Indies.

Bis.East, or West, 'tis all one to me; I'm tight and light, and the fitter for sailing.

Dur.But suppose we take through Germany, and drink hard?

Bis.Suppose I take through Germany and drink harder than you?

Dur.Suppose I go to a bawdy house?

Bis.Suppose I show you the way?

Dur.'Sdeath, woman! will you go to the guard with me, and smoke a pipe?

Bis.Allons donc!

Dur.The devil's in the woman!—Suppose I hang myself?

Bis.There I'll leave you.

Dur.And a happy riddance: the gallows is welcome.

Bis.Hold, hold, sir, [Catches him by the Arm, going.] one word before we part.

Dur.Let me go, madam,—or I shall think that you're a man, and, perhaps, may examine you.

Bis.Stir if you dare; I have still spirits to attend me, and can raise such a muster of fairies, as shall punish you to death.—Come, sir, stand there now, and ogle me: [He frowns upon her.] Now a languishing sigh: [He groans.] Now run, and take my fan,—faster. [He runs, and takes it up.] Now play with it handsomely.

Dur.Ay, ay.[He tears it all in pieces.

Bis.Hold, hold, dear, humorous coxcomb! Captain, spare my fan, and I'll—Why, you rude, inhuman monster! don't you expect to pay for this?

Dur.Yes, madam, there's twelve pence; for that is the price on't.

Bis.Sir, it cost a guinea.

Dur.Well, madam, you shall have the sticks again.

[Throws them to her, and exit.

Bis.Ha! ha! ha! ridiculous, below my concern! I must follow him, however, to know if he can give me any news of Oriana.[Exit.

Lamorce'sLodgings.EnterYoung Mirabel.

Y. Mir.Bloody hell-hounds! I overheard you:—Was not I two hours ago, the happy, gay, rejoicing Mirabel? How did I plume my hopes in a fair, coming prospect, of a long scene of years! Life courted me with all the charms of vigour, youth, and fortune; and to be torn away from all my promised joys, is more than death;—the manner too, by villains!—O my Oriana, this very moment might have blessed me in thy arms!—and my poor boy! the innocent boy! Confusion!—But hush, they come—I must dissemble still.—No news of my wine, gentlemen?Enter the FourBravoes.1 Bra.No, sir, I believe your country booby has lost himself, and we can wait no longer for't:—True, sir, you're a pleasant gentleman, but, I suppose you understand our business?Y. Mir.Sir, I may go near to guess at your employments; you, sir, are a lawyer, I presume—you a physician, you a scrivener, and you a stock jobber.——All cut-throats, egad![Aside.4 Bra.Sir, I am a broken officer; I was cashiered at the head of the army, for a coward, so I took up the trade of murder, to retrieve the reputation of my courage.3 Bra.I am a soldier too, and would serve my king; but I don't like the quarrel, and I have more honour than to fight in a bad cause.2 Bra.I was bred a gentleman, and have no estate; but I must have my whore and my bottle, through the prejudice of education.1 Bra.I am a ruffian too; by the prejudice of education, I was born a butcher.—In short, sir, if your wine had come, we might have trifled a little longer.—Come, sir, which sword will you fall by? mine, sir?2 Bra.Or mine?[Draws.3 Bra.Or mine?[Draws.4 Bra.Or mine?[Draws.Y. Mir.I scorn to beg my life; but to be butchered thus!—O, there's the wine!—this moment for [Knocking.] my life or death.EnterOriana.Lost! for ever lost!—Where's the wine, child![Faintly.Oriana.Coming up, sir.[Stamps.EnterDuretetewith his Sword drawn, and six of theGrand Musqueteers,with their Pieces presented,theRuffiansdrop their Swords.—Orianagoes off.Y. Mir.The wine, the wine, the wine! Youth, pleasure, fortune, days and years, are now my own again! Ah, my dear friends! did not I tell you, this wine would make me merry?—Dear Captain, these gentlemen are the best natured, facetious, witty creatures, that ever you knew.EnterLamorce.Lam.Is the wine come, sir?Y. Mir.O yes, madam, the wine is come——see there! [Pointing to theSoldiers.] Your ladyship has got a very fine ring upon your finger.Lam.Sir, 'tis at your service.Y. Mir.O ho! is it so? Thou dear seven hundred pound, thou'rt welcome home again, with all my heart!—Ad's my life, madam, you have got the finest built watch there! Tompion's, I presume?Lam.Sir, you may wear it.Y. Mir.O madam, by no means, 'tis too much—Rob you of all!—[Taking it from her.] Good, dear time, thou'rt a precious thing, I'm glad I have retrieved thee. [Putting it up.] What, my friends neglected all this while! Gentlemen, you'll pardon my complaisance to the lady.—How now! is it civil to be so out of humour at my entertainment, and I so pleased with yours? Captain, you're surprised at all this—but we're in our frolics, you must know.—Some wine here!EnterServant,with Wine.Come, Captain, this worthy gentleman's health.[Tweaks the FirstBravoby the Nose; he roars.But now, where—where's my dear deliverer, my boy, my charming boy?1 Bra.I hope some of our crew below stairs have dispatched him.Y. Mir.Villain, what say'st thou? dispatched! I'll have ye all tortured, racked, torn to pieces alive, if you have touched my boy.—Here, page! page! page![Runs out.Dur.Here, gentlemen, be sure you secure those fellows.1 Bra.Yes, sir, we know you, and your guard will be very civil to us.Dur.Take them to justice. [TheGuardscarry off theBravoes.] Now for you, madam;——He! he! he! I'm so pleased to think that I shall be revenged of one woman, before I die.—Well, Mrs. Snap Dragon, which of these honourable gentlemen is so happy to call you wife?1 Bra.Sir, she should have been mine to-night, 'cause Sampre, here, had her last night.—Sir, she's very true to us all four.EnterOld Mirabel,Dugard,andBisarre.Old Mir.Robin! Robin!—Where's Bob? where's my boy!—What, is this the lady? a pretty creature, 'faith!—Harkye, child, because my son was so civil as to oblige you with a coach, I'll treat you with a cart, indeed I will.Dug.Ay, madam, and you shall have a swinging equipage, three or four thousand footmen at your heels, at least.Dur.No less becomes her quality.Bis.Faugh! the monster!Dur.Monster! ay, you're all a little monstrous, let me tell you.EnterYoung Mirabel.Old Mir.Ah, my dear Bob! art thou safe, man?Y. Mir.No, no, sir, I am ruined: the saver of my life is lost!Old Mir.No, he came and brought us the news.Y. Mir.But where is he?EnterOriana.Ha! [Runs and embraces her.] My dear preserver! what shall I do to recompense your trust?—Father, friends, gentlemen, behold the youth, that has relieved me from the most ignominious death!—Command me, child; before you all—before my late, so kind, indulgent stars, I swear to grant whate'er you ask.Oriana.To the same stars, indulgent now to me, I will appeal, as to the justice of my claim: I shall demand but what was mine before—the just performance of your contract to Oriana.[Discovering herself.Omnes.Oriana!Oriana.In this disguise I resolved to follow you abroad, counterfeited that letter, that brought me into your service; and so, by this strange turn of fate, I became the instrument of your preservation; few common servants would have had such cunning; my love inspired me with the meaning of your message, because my concern for your safety made me suspect your company.Dur.Mirabel, you're caught.Y. Mir.Caught! I scorn the thought of imposition—Caught! No, 'tis my voluntary act; this was no human stratagem, but by my providential stars, designed to show the dangers wandering youth incurs, by the pursuit of an unlawful love; to plunge me headlong in the snares of vice, and then to free me by the hands of virtue: Here, on my knees, I humbly beg my fair preserver's pardon; my thanks are needless, for myself I owe: And now, for ever, do protest me yours.Old Mir.Tall, all di dall! [Sings.] Kiss me, daughter—no, you shall kiss me first, [ToLamorce.] for you're the cause on't. Well, Bisarre, what say you to the captain?Bis.I like the beast well enough, but I don't understand his paces so well as to venture him in a strange road.Old Mir.But marriage is so beaten a path, that you can't go wrong.Bis.Ay, 'tis so beaten that the way is spoiled.Dur.There is but one thing should make me thy husband—I could marry thee to-day, for the privilege of beating thee to-morrow.Old Mir.Come, come, you may agree for all this;—Mr. Dugard, are not you pleased with this?Dug.So pleased, that, if I thought it might secure your son's affection to my sister, I would double her fortune.Y. Mir.Fortune! has she not given me mine? my life—estate—my all? and what is more, her virtuous self?—Behold the foil [Pointing toLamorce.] that sets this brightness off! [ToOriana.] Here view the pride, [ToOriana.] and scandal of the sex!

Enter the FourBravoes.

1 Bra.No, sir, I believe your country booby has lost himself, and we can wait no longer for't:—True, sir, you're a pleasant gentleman, but, I suppose you understand our business?

Y. Mir.Sir, I may go near to guess at your employments; you, sir, are a lawyer, I presume—you a physician, you a scrivener, and you a stock jobber.——All cut-throats, egad![Aside.

4 Bra.Sir, I am a broken officer; I was cashiered at the head of the army, for a coward, so I took up the trade of murder, to retrieve the reputation of my courage.

3 Bra.I am a soldier too, and would serve my king; but I don't like the quarrel, and I have more honour than to fight in a bad cause.

2 Bra.I was bred a gentleman, and have no estate; but I must have my whore and my bottle, through the prejudice of education.

1 Bra.I am a ruffian too; by the prejudice of education, I was born a butcher.—In short, sir, if your wine had come, we might have trifled a little longer.—Come, sir, which sword will you fall by? mine, sir?

2 Bra.Or mine?[Draws.

3 Bra.Or mine?[Draws.

4 Bra.Or mine?[Draws.

Y. Mir.I scorn to beg my life; but to be butchered thus!—O, there's the wine!—this moment for [Knocking.] my life or death.

EnterOriana.

Lost! for ever lost!—Where's the wine, child![Faintly.

Oriana.Coming up, sir.[Stamps.

EnterDuretetewith his Sword drawn, and six of theGrand Musqueteers,with their Pieces presented,theRuffiansdrop their Swords.—Orianagoes off.

Y. Mir.The wine, the wine, the wine! Youth, pleasure, fortune, days and years, are now my own again! Ah, my dear friends! did not I tell you, this wine would make me merry?—Dear Captain, these gentlemen are the best natured, facetious, witty creatures, that ever you knew.

EnterLamorce.

Lam.Is the wine come, sir?

Y. Mir.O yes, madam, the wine is come——see there! [Pointing to theSoldiers.] Your ladyship has got a very fine ring upon your finger.

Lam.Sir, 'tis at your service.

Y. Mir.O ho! is it so? Thou dear seven hundred pound, thou'rt welcome home again, with all my heart!—Ad's my life, madam, you have got the finest built watch there! Tompion's, I presume?

Lam.Sir, you may wear it.

Y. Mir.O madam, by no means, 'tis too much—Rob you of all!—[Taking it from her.] Good, dear time, thou'rt a precious thing, I'm glad I have retrieved thee. [Putting it up.] What, my friends neglected all this while! Gentlemen, you'll pardon my complaisance to the lady.—How now! is it civil to be so out of humour at my entertainment, and I so pleased with yours? Captain, you're surprised at all this—but we're in our frolics, you must know.—Some wine here!

EnterServant,with Wine.

Come, Captain, this worthy gentleman's health.

[Tweaks the FirstBravoby the Nose; he roars.

But now, where—where's my dear deliverer, my boy, my charming boy?

1 Bra.I hope some of our crew below stairs have dispatched him.

Y. Mir.Villain, what say'st thou? dispatched! I'll have ye all tortured, racked, torn to pieces alive, if you have touched my boy.—Here, page! page! page![Runs out.

Dur.Here, gentlemen, be sure you secure those fellows.

1 Bra.Yes, sir, we know you, and your guard will be very civil to us.

Dur.Take them to justice. [TheGuardscarry off theBravoes.] Now for you, madam;——He! he! he! I'm so pleased to think that I shall be revenged of one woman, before I die.—Well, Mrs. Snap Dragon, which of these honourable gentlemen is so happy to call you wife?

1 Bra.Sir, she should have been mine to-night, 'cause Sampre, here, had her last night.—Sir, she's very true to us all four.

EnterOld Mirabel,Dugard,andBisarre.

Old Mir.Robin! Robin!—Where's Bob? where's my boy!—What, is this the lady? a pretty creature, 'faith!—Harkye, child, because my son was so civil as to oblige you with a coach, I'll treat you with a cart, indeed I will.

Dug.Ay, madam, and you shall have a swinging equipage, three or four thousand footmen at your heels, at least.

Dur.No less becomes her quality.

Bis.Faugh! the monster!

Dur.Monster! ay, you're all a little monstrous, let me tell you.

EnterYoung Mirabel.

Old Mir.Ah, my dear Bob! art thou safe, man?

Y. Mir.No, no, sir, I am ruined: the saver of my life is lost!

Old Mir.No, he came and brought us the news.

Y. Mir.But where is he?

EnterOriana.

Ha! [Runs and embraces her.] My dear preserver! what shall I do to recompense your trust?—Father, friends, gentlemen, behold the youth, that has relieved me from the most ignominious death!—Command me, child; before you all—before my late, so kind, indulgent stars, I swear to grant whate'er you ask.

Oriana.To the same stars, indulgent now to me, I will appeal, as to the justice of my claim: I shall demand but what was mine before—the just performance of your contract to Oriana.

[Discovering herself.

Omnes.Oriana!

Oriana.In this disguise I resolved to follow you abroad, counterfeited that letter, that brought me into your service; and so, by this strange turn of fate, I became the instrument of your preservation; few common servants would have had such cunning; my love inspired me with the meaning of your message, because my concern for your safety made me suspect your company.

Dur.Mirabel, you're caught.

Y. Mir.Caught! I scorn the thought of imposition—Caught! No, 'tis my voluntary act; this was no human stratagem, but by my providential stars, designed to show the dangers wandering youth incurs, by the pursuit of an unlawful love; to plunge me headlong in the snares of vice, and then to free me by the hands of virtue: Here, on my knees, I humbly beg my fair preserver's pardon; my thanks are needless, for myself I owe: And now, for ever, do protest me yours.

Old Mir.Tall, all di dall! [Sings.] Kiss me, daughter—no, you shall kiss me first, [ToLamorce.] for you're the cause on't. Well, Bisarre, what say you to the captain?

Bis.I like the beast well enough, but I don't understand his paces so well as to venture him in a strange road.

Old Mir.But marriage is so beaten a path, that you can't go wrong.

Bis.Ay, 'tis so beaten that the way is spoiled.

Dur.There is but one thing should make me thy husband—I could marry thee to-day, for the privilege of beating thee to-morrow.

Old Mir.Come, come, you may agree for all this;—Mr. Dugard, are not you pleased with this?

Dug.So pleased, that, if I thought it might secure your son's affection to my sister, I would double her fortune.

Y. Mir.Fortune! has she not given me mine? my life—estate—my all? and what is more, her virtuous self?—Behold the foil [Pointing toLamorce.] that sets this brightness off! [ToOriana.] Here view the pride, [ToOriana.] and scandal of the sex!

What liberty can be so tempting there,[ToLamorce.As a soft, virtuous, am'rous bondage here?[ToOriana.

TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE

Punctuation and orthography in the text depart from modern practice, especially in the use of capitalisation following semi-colon and colon, and in the failure to capitalise such terms as, e.g. christendom.On a few occasions where no confusion is possible, Young Mirabel (Y. Mir.) appears simply as Mirabel (Mir.)The name of a character is not italicised where it is immediately preceded or followed by text in italics.Towards the end of Act 3, it is conceivable that the following line should be spoken by Young Mirabel:Old Mir. What's that to you, sir?The following substantive changes have been made and can be identified in the body of the text by a grey dotted underline:

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