THE major had been unusually serious during the day, and toward evening approached me with his right hand extended. "I cannot too forcibly express to you the deep obligation I owe you for the many kindnesses you have shown me. Thankful am I to escape the clutches of that doctor, though, perhaps, it would have been well to have enlisted his generosity, and got him to apply his plasters to my horse, for his legs stand much in need of them. As to the misfortune that befel me, pray think no more of it; for though I confess to being found naked to my shirt, a bishop could not be more innocent of wrong intention, even though he were an Onderdonk, who had been persecuted for his virtues. And now, let us change this matter, for I have been considering the profoundness of my purpose all day; and as our reception in New York will be an affair of much magnitude, I want to consult you on the most proper measures to be adopted in the present state of affairs. My reputation being already established, it will no doubt be agreeable to you that I receive and acknowledge the honors, you paying that deference to me which an adjutant general pays to his superior. We must master fortune by the quickest process; and as it matters nothing to the politicians of New York which of us they honor, so long as the ovation affords them excitement, your ends will be best served by keeping me well backed up. And as there is no knowing what sort of a turn the grand reception may take, I have been much concerned lest those who get it up discover in me (as they have done in worse men) an excellent candidate for President, in which case I must give great care to the wording of my speech, for that must be made to square with coming events." Holding it, as I always have, and shall still continue to do, more generous to forgive the vagaries of men who are given to imagining themselves great, as they, rightly viewed, can do no harm, and, indeed, afford much of that amusement so necessary to good digestion, I replied, that I had always considered his claims to public favor as superior to my own. And this so pleased him, that he declared it the first time, notwithstanding his great experience in life, that he had found a politician willing to sacrifice himself for the benefit of another, which he swore to remember until the day of his death. We now sat down together, and continued consulting upon various matters appertaining to our journey, and in which the major took great delight, especially as I acquiesced in all his opinions.
Night had now overtaken us, and the "Two Marys" was proceeding slowly on her course, close in shore. It was impossible the mind could conceive a finer night, for not a cloud was visible in the heavens, which formed over us a gorgeous arch of azure blue, hung with what poets call liquid pearls, now casting shadows like frolicking fairies over the broad sea plane below; and then, after flitting and coquetting, passed away into the mysterious distance. In truth, so seductive was the scene, that it excited in my breast a few of those fancies of heaven that give so much employment to the brains of young lovers. Yonder, tall light houses ranged along the shore, like stately giants in their night robes, filling the horizon to the right with a halo of pale light. Then a noise as of the rilling of distant brooks came floating in sweet cadences through the air, which seemed laden with the perfumes of new made hay; and the hollow echo of the watch dog's bark mingled in the soul inspiring chorus. And as I turned thinking of Hervey and his Meditations, my eye caught the ripe moon rising to invest all with that reposing softness poets and painters have so long in vain attempted to describe.
A streak of bright light trailed along the heavens in the west, and beneath it were steamboats so gigantic in proportions that they resembled illuminated palaces vaulting over the sea; while close off our starboard bow, there appeared advancing toward us a fairy like fleet, with low, rakish hulls, taut rig, and sails made whiter by the moonbeams playing upon them. The whole fleet seemed to skim over the sea, though the "Two Marys" scarce moved. One, more tiny than the rest, and which appeared to have made an offing, bore down for us, and seemed intent upon crossing our bows. The major, whose attention had been directed to them for some minutes, and who seemed always to have a pirate haunting his mind, rose quickly to his feet, swearing that he could not this time be mistaken in the character of the craft advancing upon us, since pirates always stole upon the objects of their plunder, and were, as he had read in various novels, just the sort of craft there seen. So disturbed was he in his feelings, that he demanded of Captain Luke Snider that he make a signal of warning-first notifying the fellow to keep off, and then through the trumpet telling him of what a thrashing he would get if he dared to come on board a vessel with so terrible a major for passenger. Had not old Battle been lying down, and the time required to get him up been fatal to such a great undertaking, he would have had him saddled and got ready for the contest, which he felt in his heart would be bloody enough to furnish material for three popular novels. Twice he started for the cabin, vowing to get his sword and be ready; twice he halted, and with much concern inquired of the captain, what he thought of the saucy looking craft. But the captain shook his head, looked aloft, and shrugged his shoulders, which increased the major's fears, and afforded Luke no little diversion, though he maintained his silence with becoming gravity. He had no fear of the fellow, "but a good soldier ought always to be ready for an emergency," the major said. "Faith, and I can swear it by St. Dennis, (who was as good a saint as any of them, for what I know,) he means us no harm, and may bring us good news. I have sailed the Sound these thirty years without meeting a craft that would harm me in hull or rigging. A wharf thief now and then carries off my ropes; but then he belongs to a tribe of scurvy vagabonds who never venture out of New York harbor, for there they have the law on their side, which is well enough for them."
The major's thoughts were now for several minutes, hung between his fears and this comforting reply. But not being quite satisfied, he turned to me, as I leaned over the rail contemplating the beauty of the scene before me, and inquired what I thought of pirates and their pranks. If the approaching craft was not a pirate, he said, her movements at least bespoke her bent on no good. The little craft was now seen to sheer, which caused the major's perturbation to become irresistible; and suddenly putting his hands to his lips, he shouted at the top of his voice: "Ho, strange ship! Whence come you? and what want you, that you steer right in our way? Bear away, there, or may the devil take me but you'll get the worst of it, for this is the Two Marys, of Barnstable." All on board were much amused at this freak, and stood silent, as if waiting for a reply. In a few moments the music of a harp was heard, and such was the skill and delicacy with which it was played, that the very air seemed filled with mysterious spirits, who, having carried off the lutes of some companion lovers, were chanting dulcet requiems. And the soft, sweet notes floated over the sea in seductive cadences. Then two female voices sang sweetly to the accompaniment of the harp; and so exquisite was the effect that I fancied rejoicing angels whispering their songs to the winds that played so gently around us. One of the voices was a soprano of much sweetness and flexibility, for it ascended the scale with great ease, and its higher notes were flutelike. The other was a contralto of no mean order. And there joined in chorus with these, two male voices, evidently well trained, and of much compass.
The singing threw an air of mystery over the little craft, which served to make the major more impatient to know her character. Had the place of meeting been in the Caribbean Sea, he said, why, there could be no mistaking her character, for the pirates who infested it, as he had read in one of Sims's novels, made their captive females sing to them at night, whereas on the Sound, there was no record of what pirates and oystermen really did with their female captives, unless it was that they banished them to Blackwell's Island. But he was still more surprised and confounded when he heard the words of the song the party in the little craft were singing, and which ran thus:
"Beneath the stars, so pure and bright,Come let us be merry on the sea to-night!On the sea to-night! on the sea to-night!
"Let lovers to groves where moonbeams enchant;But we have hearts that are free,And we'll woo on the sea to-night!On the sea to-night! on the sea to-night!"
This song, so curious in sentiment and rhyme, was also written by the very learned Dr. Easley, who, in consideration of its being a prize song, had it copyrighted. I have, therefore been extremely scrupulous only to purloin this small portion of it, (knowing, as I do, the high value he places upon all his literary productions,) lest he hold me amenable to the laws of the country, made and provided for the protection of poor authors.
The little craft had now approached so near, that her low, black hull, with the figures upon deck, was distinctly seen. It was evident that she espied us, for the singing suddenly ceased as she hauled her wind, which at that moment increased a little, and came dashing down upon us in fine style. And as those on board were heard keeping up a conversation in French, the major's fears again returned, and after an ineffectual attempt to get old Battle upon his legs, he ran aft in a state of alarm, and thus addressed Captain Snider, who had taken the helm of the "Two Marys":
"I verily believe, sir, these are no friends, for they speak in an unknown tongue, which is that used by pirates when devising infernal plots!"
The Captain, after casting a careless glance upward, as if to count the mast hoops upon his great mainsail, replied, "That as he was not gifted in tongues, and knew but little of his own, he could not be a judge; but this he would say, that they were only a party of yachters, who instead of intending us harm, would pay us the compliment of coming on board to regale us with their 'good cheer,' of which they usually had an abundant stock."
The major's fears now entirely deserted him, and his thoughts were directed to how he could best appear before such distinguished pleasure seekers. It has before been described how the major was not a little vain of his military position; and lest the humble character of the craft on which he voyaged might not be regarded in its proper light by the strangers, he thought of mounting his uniform, in which they would not fail to recognize him as a person of distinction. While, however, he paused in a state of uncertainty, the little craft came within a fathom of us, and a voice cried out, "What sloop is that? and from whence came you?"
"The Two Marys, of Barnstable! six days out. You will be welcome on board, and such fare as we have shall be at your service!" replied the captain, in the manliness of his nature, as he at the same time ordered one of his sons to get "fasts" ready. The yacht (which was none other than the "Saucy Kate," of the Harlem Yacht Club) now dropped her fenders, and rounded to, like a thing of life, under the stern of the "Two Marys," while Captain Luke put his helm down, and luffed into the wind. Another minute and she was fast alongside, when there came rollicking on board two ladies accompanied by two gentlemen, whose demeanor, though they were dressed in garbs peculiar to the occasion, at once bespoke them persons of ease circumstance. One of the men was peculiarly tall and and erect of person, had a long, brown mustache, and hair that is called Saxon, which he had evidently taken some pains to keep well ordered. As to his face, though there was nothing particularly striking in it, (if a resemblance to the great General Webb be excepted,) I very much doubt if Brady could have selected a better subject to fill a vacant niche among those handsome men whose photographs adorn the entrance to his gallery on Broadway. The other was a frisky little man, with a promising red beard and mustache, and a dull blue eye, and a little freckled face, and a puggish nose. His dress was trowsers of white canvas, and a Norseman's jacket, with rows of large horn buttons down the sides, and a corpulent cigar pouch in the breast pocket.
"Upon my life, now, but you can't have much comfort aboard here," spoke the frisky little man, in a voice of singular effeminacy, as he tipped the narrow brimmed glazed hat that had covered his narrower head. "As for ourselves," he continued, fingering the great blood stone studs in his brown cambric shirt bosom, "we are navigating merely for the love of the thing. Want to get the thing right, and don't care a straw for the expense, not we!" This he concluded by saying, in a manner so finical that one might have mistaken him for a Bond Street milliner in the garb of a sailor, that his name was Nat Bradshaw, a recently elected member of the Union Club. The little, finicking man addressed no one in particular, but seemed much concerned lest we should not fully comprehend his respectability, though in truth he might have passed easily enough for a fool. The man of the tall figure, and whose frank and manly manner was enough to banish the sorrow excited by the effeminacy of the other, pressed forward with his hand extended, and inquired for the captain.
"It's me, Luke Snider, who's skipper," spoke the honest-hearted old salt, as the other grasped him by the hand, and gave him such a warm greeting as made him think he had met an old friend. And while these civilities were being interchanged, one of the damsels, a blonde so beautiful that earth had not, as I thought, another to compare with her, tripped gayly about the deck, singing as unconcernedly as a lark at sunrise:
"But give me the sea,And from the old folks free,And we'll wait for the tide to-night!For the tide to-night-for the tide to-night."
"He whose thoughts are not given to evil needs no censuring eyes," thought I, as she turned, and tripping lightly towards me, flung her left arm round the waist of her companion who was a girl of slender form and features, and had a countenance in which pensiveness was deeply written; then, with her right hand resting gently upon her shoulder, she looked roguishly up in her face, for her eyes were of crystal blue, and beamed with mischief, and said, in a voice of much solicitude, "Rose, dear Rose! let me snatch away your troubles, for Nat Bradshaw, you know, always was a fool. It's a habit he's got of kissing everybody who will let him. And what's worse, you can't get it out of his head, little as it is, but that he is a great beauty-that everybody admires his white hand, and the big diamond I know he has'nt paid Tiffany for yet. And because we girls, just to tease him, and have a bit of fun, invite him to polk with us, he's got to fancying it's all in admiration of his graceful bearing. Oh! he is such a fool; and I don't believe he's got any money! I don't! Just snap your fingers at Master Nat, and tell him not to try it again! that's the way I do with such jokers." She spoke with so much simplicity, and in so sweet a voice, that the girl of the slender figure seemed at once to regain her spirits, while the major, who had given particular attention to this little episode, now stood in admiration at the beauty of the speaker's face. Then he approached me, and placing his lips close to my ear, whispered, "Pray say to them who I am, and leave me to take care of the rest." These words being overheard by the gay hearted belle, she turned on her heel coquettishly, and vaulting to where he of the tall figure stood, making certain inquiries of the captain concerning his voyage, locked her hands in his arm, and there leaned gracefully for a few moments.
Flora, for such was this damsel's name, had her home in Madison Square, New York; and there was about her something so artless and yet so tantalizing, that her power over the affections was irresistible. In fine, she was one of those dashing, merry hearted creatures, who make chaos of the affections to-day, and have a balm to heal them to-morrow.
THE captain and he of the tall figure had sufficiently exchanged compliments, when good Dame Snider came on deck, and invited the strangers into the cabin to partake of the refreshments she had there prepared. But Flora, who was much diverted by the good woman's earnestness, spoke up and declared the hospitalities of the occasion must be left to her, for she had charge of the larder; and so well stocked was it, that they could feed six aldermen for a week without fear of stint. Nat Bradshaw, too, raised the cigar exquisitely from his lips, and in his finicking manner said, the "Saucy Kate" was famous for the quality of her stores, nor ever permitted a stranger to do the hospitalities. In truth, it must be confessed that Nat had what is called a streak of generosity mixed with all his weaknesses.
"No, mother, (you won't think me bold for calling you mother?) leave the refreshments to me, and I am satisfied," interposed Flora, taking the honest hearted woman cordially by the hand. Then she doffed the little hat, that rolled up so pertly at the sides, and had given her such a saucy air; and as she did so, there fell upon her shoulders such a profusion of golden curls as would have crazed the heart of a Frenchman. The exquisiteness of her beauty was now fully disclosed. Her complexion resembled alabaster, and in addition to a face so oval that a sculptor could not have improved it, her great blue eyes, which, as I have said before, sparkled like pure crystals, were set off with finely curved arches, giving perfection to a brow poets call Grecian, and over which two broad wavy plaits of golden hair floated, as it were. Her nose, too, was of that high born order we recognize in the delicate but prominent lines, and, together with her mouth and chin, were such that the most fastidious could not have detected an imperfection. And as the moonbeams played upon her features, lighting them up as it were, she seemed a creature more of heaven than earth.
"Flora! Flora! my dear cousin," spoke he of the tall figure, seeing her thus doff her hat, "you must not, for I am anxious lest you catch cold."
"Cold?" she interrupted with a coquettish smile; "not I, indeed. The colds have a liking for Nat Bradshaw. They can get through him with so little difficulty, that they never take to me while he's by."
"Now, ah! 'pon my soul, that's clever. Say how I owe you one." Thus Nat replied, stopping in a desperate effort to light a short cigar without damaging the down he persisted in calling his mustache. He also raised his hat, and throwing his body into the shape of a triangle, made one of these bows which are peculiar to members of the Union Club.
Rose now came to the assistance of the merry hearted Flora, who quickly doffed the blue jerkin that, girded round her waist, had given her such a sailor-like air, and disclosed a bust of such perfect symmetry, that it would have served as a model for a statue of Diana. And this was charmingly displayed in a sleeved corset of dark green color, cut after the fashion of a habit, with an incision in front, disclosing a stomacher of fine Spanish lace, set with rows of tiny brilliants. Her gauntlets quickly followed her jerkin, exposing tiny, swan white fingers, sparkling with jewels. And although herself unconscious of the cause, such was the perfection of her beauty, that I stood as if transfixed, gazing upon her in mute admiration, until my emotions melted into confusion. Nor was Nat Bradshaw unaffected by it, for I saw him cast an envious eye now and then. As for the major, he either stood bowing with his hat in his hand, or was getting in every one's way, and was anxious lest his introduction be delayed another minute. He afterwards told me in great confidence that, when Flora doffed her hat and gauntlets, he would have sworn her nothing less than an angel he would have taken to his arms, and pledged his military honor to worship until death, had not Polly Potter stood in the way.
Again, Flora struck up her song, and tripping on board the "Saucy Kate," which, with her sails half brailed up, had been left in charge of two boatmen, brought back with her a curious little packet, she soon spread into a table, and, with the assistance of Rose and Nat Bradshaw, had it mounted in a trice with cold iris ribbed beef, boned turkey, chickens, bird pies, jellies, and a basket of delicious fruit; to which was added lemons, and sundry bottles of champagne, and sherry that had been cooled in ice.
And while these preparations were proceeding, Major Potter, whom I had not yet had an opportunity to introduce, whispered something in the ear of Captain Snider, who, on turning to him of the tall figure, said, "And now sir, since an opportunity offers, perhaps you will permit me to introduce you to my distinguished passenger, Major Roger Sherman Potter; whose name is come famous in our part of the country, where he is acknowledged to be the greatest living politician."
"Major Roger Potter, I am commonly called," repeated the Major, placing his left hand to his heart, and, with a motion of his right, in which he held his hat, making one of his politest bows. "And as I see (and it required no effort) that you are no common people, my reputation is, doubtless, familiar to you, for much has been written of me in the newspapers. As to what you say of me as a politician, I will leave my right to such honors in the hands of others, since, being a military man, it would not become me to speak of myself."
"Major Potter!" exclaimed the stranger, extending his hand, and shaking that of the major so earnestly as to make him verily believe he stood before one who had long been familiar with his history. "I would indeed be confessing myself stupid to say I was not acquainted with a name so famous in the political world. Truly, sir, if one so humble as myself may be permitted, I will here say, that nothing could have afforded me so much pleasure as this meeting, for there is nothing I so much reverence as the man who has deserved well of his country." The stranger, who was something of a wag, was not long in discovering the major's weakness, though he addressed him with great deference. But as the major held politeness as something which chivalry demanded of all military men that they never let themselves be outdone in, and for any little neglect of which they were held to a severe account, he, after making a becoming number of bows, replied in this wise: "And since you know me so well, and the etiquette of the profession commands that we speak not of ourselves, will you honor me with your name and the profession you follow?"
"Without the slightest hesitation, sir. I was educated to the law; but since the bar of our city is come to be not what it should be, I have thought it as well to live on my money, and save my character. As to my name, they call me Frank Story."
"Combining all that is great, glorious, and honorable!" exclaimed the major. "In the village where I was born, your name is as familiar as that of the landlord of the tavern. Having done much for your country, I make no doubt you have sustained the honors left you by the great dead!"
"I see, sir," returned he of the tall figure, "that you take me for a descendant of the good and much lamented Story."
"Truly so," interrupted the major.
"Which I am not," rejoined the speaker.
"It makes no difference; for I hold it just as well that a man inherit the characteristics of a great man from a similarity of name and profession as by having the same blood in his veins. I hold to this philosophy, which I find squares with that accepted by most of our great politicians at this day. On my reputation as a military man, sir, I came to respect these principles from first hearing them advanced by General Cheves McDuffy Quattlebum, while in the Mexican War, which I had the honor to fight in. Yes, sir; I had the honor of fighting in that war, and have seen many a man killed!" Here the major gave his head a significant toss, and placing his hat under his arm, thrust his hand into the inevitable pockets of his trowsers. "And as it was said of this Quattlebum that he was the greatest living politician known in his state, which, if my memory serves me, and it's not bad, was South Carolina, I make no doubt you will give great weight to the opinion. In truth, sir, you must know that this General Quattlebum was so well thought of in his state, that she would make no exception to his greatness, not even for so great a general as Pringle, Allston Commander, who rose from an honest man and a blacksmith, to be a great military politician, embodying in himself all the necessary elements for dissolving the Union, so desirable an object with the people of Carolina."
He of the tall figure listened with commendable gravity to this strange display of sense and nonsense, which afforded him much amusement. When the major concluded, he presented me as the greatest living politician Cape Cod, or indeed any other district of Massachusetts, had ever given to the world. He, however, corrected himself, lest what he had said might compromise his own preeminence, and added that I had joined him merely to gain that experience so necessary to the perfection of all great minds. This done, he commenced to give an account of his horse and pig, whose rare qualities he failed not to extol highly; all of which afforded the listener an infinite amount of amusement. Begging the major to excuse him for a few moments, Frank Story slipped slily to where Flora and Rose were setting the table, and calling the former aside, held a conversation with her that showed they were intent upon mischief, for she was heard to say, "Let me alone, and you shall see how I will play my part."
And now that the refreshments were ready, (seats being dispensed with on such occasions,) the party gathered round the table, and were served by Flora with so much ease and grace as to surprise even her own companions, who had not thought her capable of such skill in the duties of "a lady of the house." The major commenced to eat with his eyes fast fixed upon Flora, to whom he anxiously waited for an introduction. Meanwhile Nat Bradshaw, exhibiting great familiarity with corkscrews and cigars, had uncorked the first bottle of champagne, for which the major had expressed a preference, seeing that it was a favorite drink with the army. He of the tall figure now lifted his effervescing glass, and having cast a glance at the major and a wink at Flora, said: "Now, my pretty cousin, prepare for a surprise!" Flora looked up as if confounded, while the others held their peace. "I will not keep you longer in suspense," resumed the speaker, "but inform you that the great statesman whom we seek, and for whose reception in New York the city treasury has been flung wide open, and which it is the object of the Yacht Club to enhance by tendering him an escort, now stands before you. My cousin, I now present you to Major Roger Sherman Potter, whose political and military fame even the most malicious writers have not dared to defame-"
"Commonly called Major Roger Potter," whispered the major, with a bow.
Having offered a sufficient number of apologies for the error, he of the tall figure in turn introduced his cousin Flora and her friend Rose to the major. The ladies affected not to believe their senses, and for some moments looked at one another in doubt, while the major, for the first time in his life, acknowledged himself completely overwhelmed by the compliment, as well as the strange news it conveyed. Twice he bowed, and twice his tongue refused to serve him. But in order the better to express his feelings, he had recourse to that method most common with our great actors, who lay their hands upon their waistcoats, look devoutly into the pit, and seem very generally ready to thank the gods for all their favors.
"And now, sir," spoke Flora, with great softness of manner, "since fortune has been so kind as to afford me this great and unexpected pleasure of being the first introduced to one so renowned, I will propose a toast, and with your permission couple it with your name. I propose that we drink, with three cheers: 'All honor to him who has worthily served his country, in whose history his name will be enshrined for the benefit of unborn generations.'" Having concluded, Flora gave her glass a twirl over her head, and three cheers were given so heartily that they went directly to the major's heart, and made him declare within himself that there could now be no doubt of his own greatness.
"Madam, upon my honor I am no flatterer, but being a military man, gallantry demands of me some acknowledgement of this compliment you have paid me, and which it would be my life's happiest event to make, were it not that your beauty so embarrasses me. Indeed, madam, I have, while in Mexico, led various forlorn hopes, charged the enemy's lines, and looked a shower of bullets in the teeth without winking; and all these dangers I would repeat a dozen times rather than face the fire of your beauty, to which every hero, however great, must surrender himself a captive."
"What you say of my beauty, I might say of your valor, than which there is to woman no stronger object of admiration. To pay homage to valor is womanly on the part of our sex. And never in my life have I felt, though I have seen some brave men, that I was paying homage to greatness with so much honor to myself. I have read in the newspapers that our nation, like a sinking ship, was by you saved from inevitable fate-"
"Indeed, madam, I leave it to others to say what I have done for the nation. But you will not find me wanting when called upon; and, as I have always said, give me but a chance, and they shall have enough of my greatness!"
"Truly, sir," rejoined Flora, "I hold it fortunate that the nation should have found so honest a man. But as government is something our sex take no part in, perhaps you can tell me if there be any truth in the report, that politicians have no higher aims in these days than plundering the government; and that patriotism being a thing quite unknown, the great object with our congressmen is how they can best put money in their pockets, in the pursuit of which they are so insatiable as to sell their manliness in exchange for it?"
"Since you have set me down for an honest man, madam, which is no small compliment, I will say that my wife, Polly Potter, who is something of a politician, and as true a wife as needs be, always says of me, that my honesty will be my fortune. And as she has a queer way of expressing herself, she has many times said to me, 'Roger, when them politicians get to strippin' the nation to her very skin, do thou be the man to come forward and hold down the apron, and keep her shame from being altogether exposed.' And this I have pledged her I would do, and may heaven protect her. As for stripping the nation to the skin, or even taking away her clothes, that, though I am neither prophet nor editor, they shall never do while Major Potter has an arm and a tongue."
Flora blushed, and for some minutes held her peace, as well she might. And as he had gorged himself to that degree that serious consequences were apprehended, and was somewhat disturbed at the questions Flora would put at the moment when his mouth was most full, and which true politeness command that he reply to, the silence which prevailed afforded him an excellent opportunity for despatching his meal in peace. Nat Bradshaw, whose countenance wore a sinister smile, added to the joke by constantly filling the major's glass and pledging him in a toast.
When the major had finished his supper, Flora, whose nature was of such a turn that she could not give much rest to her mischief, entreated him that he relate for their entertainment some of the wonderful exploits of which he was the hero during the Mexican War.
"Your grace and beauty, madam, and I am no flatterer, demands that I comply with your request, though it is against the rules of the profession, which set forth that the deeds of all great military men are the property of the nation," replied the major. But as his vanity was stronger than his respect for the rules of the service, he at once commenced and went on to relate some of the most wonderful exploits ever achieved by mortal valor, all of which he described as having taken place during the war with Mexico, though I venture to assert that they have never been recorded in any published history of that war. Nor will it be necessary to add, that he made himself the hero of every one of them. Indeed, if there was a forlorn hope he had not led, or a plan of attack that had not been suggested by him long before it was executed, they were not worthy of mention in this history. And he would interpolate by saying: "All these things I relate no man will deny, but as history takes care of my General Scott, so such as me, who have braved the brunt of it, must see to ourselves." And these marvelous adventures the major would have gone on relating until the hour of morning, when sparrows rise, had not he of the tall figure put an end to Flora's mischief, by remarking, that as the wind was freshening, and the squadron had tacked ship, it was necessary they return and report what had taken place to the commodore, who would no doubt receive it as great good news. "And now, sir," said he, taking the major by the hand, "this meeting will long live in my memory; and since I see you need rest from your labors, the night, too, being far advanced, we will return and report, for I see the fleet is put on the other tack, and our commodore is strict in the enforcement of his orders. But if it meet your pleasure, the squadron will to-morrow at ten o'clock form port and starboard lines, fire a salute, and proceed in escort. This done, the commodore will come on board and pay the respect due to your distinguished position." The major replied, that the honor, so unexpected, and in truth so unmerited, he could not but confess would be most gratifying to him; he would therefore prepare himself for the occasion, hoping they would excuse any little deficiency, for barring now and then he was not clever at an impromptu speech. The party now took leave of him for the night, and having handsomely rewarded Dame Snider for the trouble they had given her, set sail on board the Saucy Kate, her white sails flashing in the moonbeams as she made for the fleet, and the music of Flora's voice floating sweetly over the sea.
UNGRATEFUL indeed would it be in me, the writer of this history, the companion in arms, and admirer of all that is great and good in the major as a military politician, did I fail to record, in honor of his gallantry, of which none could be more scrupulous, that he offered his arm and escorted Flora safe on board the Saucy Kate, apologizing for the worn condition of his raiment, and regretting exceedingly that he was not habited in his uniform. And although flushed with the importance of what had taken place, the major was haunted with a misgiving as to what ladies of such quality would think of his traveling in so humble a manner. But he bethought himself, that neither scepters, nor miters, nor grand equipages, make the man-in fine, that a man may ride an ass without saddle or bridle and find a good home in heaven, when the doors would be shut against bishops who roll about in liveries devised by the devil, which is his occupation. And this brought him such infinite relief, that he hastened to his faithful old Battle, and having bestowed upon him sundry caresses, told him he ought to be thankful he had so fortunate a master. He also paid a visit to his pig, who was sleeping soundly in his cage of slats. "Now, then," said the major to himself, as he looked in upon the animal with an air of great self-satisfaction, "in the possession of this gifted creature I have a staunch reliance. And should fortune again send me strolling upon the world, as it has done many a popular politician, I will so develop this fellow's gifts that they shall be worth a bank in Wall Street. In truth, he is as well bred as most of our politicians; and as to his honesty, I will pit him against any of them." As Duncan did not manifest the slightest regard for these kindly tokens, the major went quietly into the cabin, and there occupied himself for more than an hour furbishing up a sword of uncommon size, and a three cornered hat the moths had reduced to dilapidation, though he charged it all to the bullets of the Mexicans. And when they were polished to his entire satisfaction, and he had twice or thrice thanked God that it was not the failing of politicians to turn parsons, as it was with parsons to turn politicians, he lay down upon the locker and soon was in a sound sleep, in which he dreamed of a thousand or more things that were to take place in honor of him on the following day.
The Saucy Kate was not long in gaining the commodore's yacht, a rakish looking schooner of some two hundred tons, whose lofty spars and middle staysail were seen overtopping the sails of her lesser companions, like a giant among dwarfs. And although it was past midnight when Frank Story entered her cabin, he found it filled with members of the club, who, at the invitation of the commodore, had left their several yachts, and were making night jubilant over a table spread with choice wines, of which there was no stint. There were also massive punch bowls, of chased silver, standing here and there along the table, and filled with delicious punch, which those who preferred drank from goblets of silver and gold. Commodore Skim- merhorn, who sat at the head of the table, was a man of rotund figure, had a bright, ruddy face, and was frank and easy in his bearing. When he of the tall figure entered they were discussing a question of Greek criticism, some of the members of the club being men of much taste and learning. But this they suspended in order to hear his report of the strange sloop. And this he commenced to relate, describing with so much quaint humor the wonderful major he had found on board, that they were all surprised and astonished. In truth, not a few proposed going immediately to pay their respects to him, and learn to what manner of mankind he belonged. But if they were surprised with the description, they marveled when told that this major was no less a person than he whom the New York politicians intended to make such an ado over. However, as the New York politicians were most known for their folly, and making a hero now and then was with them a means of getting bread, it was not so surprising that they chose for a candidate one who would pass readily for a fool.
The speaker added, that with all the vanity of the man, (and in conceits he could not be surpassed even by the erudite Dr. Easley, who contemplated himself the most learned scholar and critic,) he sometimes spoke such sense as to make the listener mistake him for a wise man. He next afforded them much diversion by relating what passed when he informed the major how the squadron had come in search of him, and were delighted at being first to do him honor. Every one present entered immediately into the joke they resolved to carry out on the following day, which was arranged with great deliberation, lest any part of it should fail of being properly executed.
And now that Aurora had taken down her shutters, and was filling the eastern sky with pale, misty light, that threw an halo over the deep, dark foliage of the mountain heights, reflecting their shadows along the still, polished waters, so lovely was the morning, so like a picture of repose each object, and the whole so invested with a mysterious stillness, that one might have mistaken it for a fairy scene. The yacht squadron was ranging alongside of the "Two Marys," forming a port and starboard line, with the Commodore off the weather bow. As the sun peeped out from the watery horizon, two guns were discharged from the Commodore's yacht, and so loud was the report that the major suddenly stopped his snoring, and springing to his feet in a state of great confusion, began to call out at the top of his voice that the sloop was sinking. But he as suddenly regained his senses, and called to mind the honors that were to be paid him, he felt great alarm lest he had overslept himself, and besought Captain Luke Snider, who turned out of his berth at the same moment, to run upon deck and say he was not quite ready to receive them. But as Captain Luke took no heed of his request, and thought only of getting into port, the major, in his great anxiety, ran himself upon deck in his shirt, and cut so sorry a figure that no man would have envied him. All was as still and lonely as the Lybian coast-not a wail came over the sea. Now only the dull stillness was broken by some forlorn robin whistling his song along the shore.
The major, satisfied that the cannon were fired only to welcome the rising sun, and not in honor of him, returned to the cabin, where he got into his breeches and boots. He then drew from under a pile of rubbish in one of the berths, a pair of holsters, he declared were presented to him by General Jefferson Davis, for gallant deeds done during the Mexican War, though no sensible man would have given a dime for them. With these, and his saddle and bridle, he again repaired upon deck, where, after no little exertion, he got old Battle upon his feet.
"It seems, my faithful horse, as if heaven lent thee to me for a mighty purpose," said the major, addressing his horse, who gave himself a hearty shake, and stretched his head and neck to their utmost extent. And after he had said many other encouraging things to his horse, he gave him such an excellent rubbing down that, had it not been for the immense size of his legs, which now appeared quite as short as the major's, no one would have taken him for the same animal. This done, he bridled and saddled him; and with the holsters secured (though they were without pistols,) he was in the major's eye, as war-like a horse as could be desired.
The morning advanced, and breakfast was scarcely over, when a breeze sprung up, which, giving the squadron a leading wind, they began to trim their sails. A port gun was then fired from the commodore's yacht, which was followed by their colors being run up, and floating gayly in the wind. A boat now put off, and being rowed by four men, with an officer in the stern sheets, soon reached the "Two Marys." The officer came on board, and with great courtesy of manner, inquired for Major Roger Potter, who now came forward dressed in the most wonderful uniform ever worn by military politician, inasmuch as there were two patches on his seat of honor, and his coat, which could boast of but one epaulette, had lost a portion of the tails.
"He whom you seek, honored sir," replied the major, making a low bow, "stands before you. And as I see you are an officer, here's my hand, for it does me good to meet a brave man."
The officer who was slender of figure, and had a youthful appearance, now delivered a letter from the commodore, saying that he was delighted to have met one who had so distinguished himself in the country's service, and that he held it an honor of no small importance that he had been selected to perform this mission. And when he had taken his departure, which he did without further ceremony, the major approached me, and opening the letter, asked me to read it, as he was none of the quickest at reading writing, which, indeed, was a failing with all great men. I took the letter from his hands, and read as follows: "On board Yacht —, June 14th, Throg's Point bearing W.N.W. 12 miles distance.
"The Commodore of the Yacht Squadron presents his compliments to his honor, Major Potter, and begs to say that on becoming aware of the great reception to be given him in New York, and that it was solely in consideration of the great services rendered his country, in war as well as peace, the members of this club, desirous of enhancing the grandeur of that reception, passed a resolution declaring it their unanimous will to proceed without delay to meet you, offer you their congratulations, and escort you to the city. And as the duty of presenting you their congratulations devolves upon me, I have in accordance with the usages now common among all public speakers, transmitted a copy of the remarks I intend to make, to the end that you may be released from all embarrassment.
"With great consideration, &c., &c.,
"VAN STIVER SKIMMERHORN, "Commodore Commanding, &c., &c."
"To the Hon. Major Roger Potter, On board the sloop 'Two Marys.'"
On hearing this read, the major's head seemed to fill with various suspicions, for his hands again went into his inevitable pockets, and he gave his shoulders a shrug expressive of his thoughts. But his suspicions never stuck to him long, and he soon found comfort in the fact that there was the commodore's full name attached to it. He then set to teasing his beard, and giving himself to his thoughts. "Pray, young man," said he, "say nothing of my trade in tin, for I see these are men of quality, and, having heard of me only through the newspapers, know but little of my true history. But, let my enemies say what they will, I am not a man to stand at trifles. Honors never puzzle me: it's the thickness of them. I say, though, that when fame puts a man on the pedestal he must never think of falling to the ground, for that would be a fear unworthy my profession." He now read and reread the commodore's letter, and at length said, that though he had written speeches for and given grammar lessons to New York members of Congress, the composing a suitable reply on such an occasion as this alarmed him not a little. In truth, such little things belonged entirely to polite society, and required a grace and diction rarely attained by politicians. Indeed, he regretted much that he was not where he could obtain the services of one of those New York critics, who, being the sons and grandsons of poor bishops, write learned book notices by the yard, and get up addresses for distinguished actresses, who deliver them on occasions of receiving bracelets and necklaces from their admiring friends. "Remember, young man," he resumed, "that the path of honor is open to you as well as me. I say this, because it has just struck me, that we can best fulfill our obligations to one another, by your writing the speeches and me delivering them. Heaven forbid that I should want to wrong you; but we must take up the fruit as it falls. Now surely you will write me a neat reply to this fellow-say much about what I have sacrificed, making it, at the same time, so easy that they shall not have a suspicion of the authorship. And above all, endeavor to make me speak like a sensible gentleman."
Having taken great pains to aid the major in all his exploits, I was more than anxious that he should deport himself properly on this occasion, and hence readily consented to accept the task of preparing his reply, selecting for the service all the choice words I could find in an old speech of Thomas Benton's, delivered by him many years ago, in reply to an address in compliment of his thirty years' services in the United States Senate, and presented by a committee of the Young Men's Missionary Society for distributing bibles to indigent authors. It must here be said of these young gentlemen, that they had no masked motive in thus complimenting the venerable senator, which they did simply from hearing that his compassions had taken a new turn.
I soon arranged the method of my important task, and was teaching the major how to deliver the speech, when a barge was seen along side of the commodore's yacht. Then a salute of seven guns announced the embarkation, and when the smoke rolled away, the barge, rowed by eight sturdy fellows, was seen skimming over the sea, and making for the Two Marys with all speed. "Upon my soul they are coming, and a merry party they are," said the major, settling himself in his strange uniform. The barge pulled alongside, as the portly figure of the commodore, his chapeau raised, stood up in the stern for a moment, and then mounting over the rail was on the deck of the Two Marys in a trice. The major now came forward with an air of pomp and circumstance it would not be easy for the reader to paint in his imagination, unless indeed he had seen General Webb on his way to a tea party. The commodore now elongated his body and bowed, and the major elongated his body and bowed; after which they approached one another as men so distinguished ought to do, when he of the tall figure, who accompanied the commodore, came forward, and with great deference of manner did the honors of the introduction. And when they had exchanged civilities and bows to their satisfaction, the commodore spoke as follows: "Since, sir, the high honor of presenting you with the congratulations of our club devolves upon me, I may here be permitted to say, that no event of my whole life has afforded me so much pleasure. In presenting, then, their hearty congratulations, welcoming you at the same time to our great metropolis and its hospitalities, I cannot too highly express my sense of the many services you have rendered the country, which owes you a higher reward than this club can bestow. In addressing the great and the good-the hero who has fought his country's battles, and the statesman who has carried her safely through impending dangers, our emotions too frequently carry away our power to render due homage. Let me beg you, then, to make every allowance for this feeble manifestation of our high regard. Your fame as a statesman and patriot, as a soldier and a gentleman, is well known and appreciated among us. You have, whenever your country required, lent it the strength of your arm and the influence of your high position; and we seek to pay you homage, because we know, that should she need it again, you would not be found wanting. Nor do we forget your high personal worth, for we have read how well and worthily you have acted the part of a philanthropist, in raising up suffering humanity and redressing the outraged. As an humble expression of our esteem, we beg you then to accept the services of the squadron under my command, in escorting you to the city, where your many political admirers are prepared to receive you with such honors as greatness never fails to command." The speaker concluded, maintaining his gravity of countenance. But the major bowed and was not a little confused, while several of those who stood by, cried out "bravo!" and were much diverted.
"Truly, Mr. Commodore," replied the major, whose head was so thin that he had let every word of the speech I prepared for him get out of it, "as a principle, you may set it down that the weight of an honor is best felt by the man who has deserved it. In accepting the flattering tribute of respect you offer me, let me say, that although I am no scurvy politician, and have opinions enough of my own, I intend to let history take care of my acts, for the verdict of the nation, which is an exacting tribunal, is rendered in my favor, and if the devil and my enemies only mind their business, there will be no need to meddle with it, as I have heard it said of other men. And now that I am more a man of acts than words, as no doubt you have read, let me say that I accept this great honor, the sincerity of which is evident in the earnestness with which you offer it, with as many thanks as a man can, hoping that your great metropolis may grow greater and be all you expect of it; and like a chaste and virtuous woman, do you see to her, that she be not exposed to the designs of demagogues, and that her virtues creep along with her fair fame." The major delivered these remarks with so much ease and fluency, that the listeners stood in silence, and began to think the man they had had described to them for a fool, was in truth an eccentric politician, who was using this mode of discourse only as a means of deception. But when he invited them to examine his horse and pig, which he did while giving the most wonderful description of their varied good qualities, and the many services they had rendered him, the color of his brain at once discovered itself.
One after another, the party, having exchanged congratulations, engaged the major in conversation, and found that he had ready answers for all their questions, though many of them were far off the mark, illustrating the fact, that his mind had been much given to the affairs of the nation, of which he had the most confused ideas. In order to afford the visitors some diversion, he also uncaged his pig, and made him perform a series of antics truly wonderful, and with which they not only expressed themselves highly satisfied, but deeply interested.
The major now visited the commodore's yacht, and was received with a salute of thirteen guns, which he felt in his heart were solely in compliment to his humble worth. A party of richly dressed ladies were on board the yacht, and received the major with so much deference, that he felt sure not even the slightest mark of respect had been omitted. In fine, the ladies all gathered about him, and were so eager to emulate one another in showing him respect and conciliating his favor, that even Flora, who declared herself his first admirer, could with difficulty get an opportunity to present him her souvenir in the shape of a wine cup bearing her name. "Ah! sir," said Flora, reproachfully, "last night you condescended to smile upon me, and I took your smiles for serious intentions. Indeed, I say it in honest truth, that your winning manners had much affected me, though my heart is not of the melting sort. But now, sir, I see you are an arrant coquette, and no exception to the rest of your profession." Another damsel of comely features had set upon the major, and was exciting his vanity to no small extent, when Flora interrupted with the above remarks, preserving a most impatient countenance as she did so.
"As I live, fair maiden, I have no wrong intentions, for my wife, Polly Potter, is not yet dead; nor is it right of a soldier to trifle with the weaknesses of woman. Being a soldier and no flatterer, I will say this, that your beauty has made me your vassal, and had I a dozen hearts, ten at least would be yours."
When they had frolicked with him to their hearts' content, they escorted him into the cabin, where a sumptuous collation was prepared, and to which he, after considerable ceremony, sat down and ate enough to have satisfied three critics for at least a week. They then plied him with punches and other strong drinks, which were so mixed as to seriously affect his brain, for it began to reel up his vision, and he broke forth in the most spasmodic strains, addressing those present, whom he declared a political assemblage, on the state of the nation. In my determination never to swerve from the truth in this history, I am compelled here to record, that the Yacht Club found they had paid dearly for their joke, inasmuch as the major, adopting the conduct most in fashion among the politicians of Tammany Hall, did, during one of his strongest oratorical displays, suddenly spring upon the table, demolishing much valuable glass, and making wreck of everything in the vicinity, which, as a popular politician, he swore he had a right to do. The state of confusion being now complete, the ladies ran screaming up on deck, and it was with great difficulty the major could be restrained from behaving himself like a madman. At length, from raving about the state of the nation, he relapsed into a state of stupor, in which he became so insensible that they were all alarmed lest death step in and put an untimely end to his existence. In truth, so much did they fear the result of their joke, that they would have sent for a parson and begged him to pray kindly for the poor man, but that he opened his eyes, and gave out such other signs of returning consciousness as assured them that the only danger now to be feared was that he would soil certain portions of his raiment, which, were it to get out, (and there were always malicious persons ready to speak ill of a politician so famous,) it would do him irreparable damage.
And now, having transcended the limits of my chapter, I must beg the impatient reader, if he love a joke, and have no scruples about its nakedness, to turn to the next, where he will find a result to his satisfaction.