Actus Tertius. Scena Prima.

EnterBeaupre.

Beaup.They are both come on, that may be a stubborn rascal,Take you that ground,

EnterLa-writ.

I'le stay here, fight bravely.La-writ.To't chearfully my boyes, you'l let's have fair play,None of your foyning tricks.Beaup.Come forward Monsieur;[Fight.What hast thou there? a pudding in thy belly?I shall see what it holds.La-writ.Put your spoon home then:Nay, since I must fight, have at you without wit, Sir:God a mercy bagg.Beaup.Nothing but bumbast in ye?The Rogue winks and fights.La-writ.Now your fine fencing, Sir:[Beau.loses his sword.Stand off, thou diest on point else,[La-writtreads on it.I have it, I have it: yet further off:I have his Sword.Cler.Then keep it, be sure you keep it.La-writ.I'le put it in my mouth else.Stand further off yet, and stand quietly,And look another way, or I'le be with you,Is this all? I'le undertake within these two daiesTo furnish any Cutler in this Kingdom.Beau.Pox, what fortune's this? disarm'd by a puppie?A snail? a Dog?La-writ.No more o' these words Gentleman,Sweet Gentleman no more, do not provoke me,Go walk i'th' horse-fair; whistle Gentleman,What must I do now?

EnterCleremont,pursued byVerdone.

Cler.Help me, I am almost breathless.La-writ.With all my heart, there's a cold pye for you, Sir.Cler.Thou strik'st me, fool.La-writ.Thou fool, stand further off then,Deliver, deliver.Cler.Hold fast.[He strikes up the others heels,and takes his Sword too.La-writ.I never fail in't,There's twelve pence, go buy you two leaden Daggers,Have I done well?Cler.Most like a Gentleman.Beau.And we two basely lost.Verd.'Tis but a fortune,We shall yet find an hour.[Ex.Beau. Verd.sad.Cler.I shall be glad on't.La-writ.Where's my cloak, and my trinkets?Or will you fight any longer, for a crash or two?Cler.I am your noble friend, Sir.La-writ.It may be so.Cler.What honour shall I do you,For this great courtesie?La-writ.All I desire of ye,Is to take the quarrel to your self, and let me hear no more on't,I have no liking to't, 'tis a foolish matter,And help me to put up my Sword.Cler.Most willingly.But I am bound to gratifie you, and I must not leave you.La-writ.I tell you, I will not be gratified,Nor I will hear no more on't: take the Swords too,And do not anger me but leave me quietly.For the matter of honour, 'tis at your own disposure,And so, and so.[ExitLa-writ.Cler.This is a most rare Lawyer:I am sure most valiant. WellDinant, as you satisfie me,I say no more: I am loaden like an Armorer.[ExitCler.

EnterDinant.

Din.To be dispatcht upon a sleeveless errand?To leave my friend engag'd, mine honour tainted?These are trim things. I am set here like a Perdue,To watch a fellow, that has wrong'd my Mistris,A scurvy fellow that must pass this way,But what this scurvy fellow is, or whence,Or whether his name beWilliamorJohn,OrAnthonyorDick, or any thing, I know not;A scurvy rascally fellow I must aim at,And there's the office of an Asse flung on me.SureCleremonthas fought, but how come off,And what the world shall think of me hereafter:Well, woman, woman, I must look your rascals,And lose my reputation: ye have a fine power over us.These two long hours I have trotted here, and curiouslySurvey'd all goers by, yet find no rascal,Nor any face to quarel with:What's that?[La-writsings within, then Enters.This is a rascally voice, sure it comes this way.La-writ.He strook so hard, the Bason broke,AndTarquinheard the sound.Din.What Mister thing is this? let me survey it.La-writ.And then he strook his neck in two.Din.This may be a rascal, but 'tis a mad rascal,What an Alphabet of faces he puts on!Hey how it fences! if this should be the rogue,As 'tis the likeliest rogue I see this day—La-wr.Was ever man for Ladies sake? down, down.Di.And what are you good Sir? down, down, down, down.La-writ.What's that to you good Sir? down, down.Din.A pox on you good Sir, down, down, down,You with your Buckram bag, what make you here?And from whence come you? I could fight with my shadow now.La-wr.Thou fierce man that like SirLancelotdost appear,I need not tell thee what I am, nor eke what I make here.Din.This is a precious knave, stay, stay, goodTristram,And let me ask thy mightiness a question,Did ye never abuse a Lady?La-writ.Not; to abuse a Lady, is very hard, Sir.Din.Say you so, Sir?Didst thou never abuse her honour?La-writ.Not; to abuse her honour, is impossible.Din.Certain this is the rascal: What's thy name?La-writ.My name isCock o' two, use me respectively,I will be Cock of three else.Din.What's all this?You say, you did abuse a Lady.La-writ.You ly.Din.And that you wrong'd her honour.La-writ.That's two lyes,Speak suddenly, for I am full of business.Din.What art thou, or what canst thou be, thou pea-goose,That dar'st give me the ly thus? thou mak'st me wonder.La-writ.And wonder on, till time make all things plain.Din.You must not part so, Sir, art thou a Gentleman?La-writ.Ask those upon whose ruins I am mounted.Din.This is some Cavellero Knight o'th' Sun.La-wr.I tell thee I am as good a Gentleman as the Duke;I have atchieved—goe follow thy business.Din.But for this Lady, Sir—La-writ.Why, hang this Lady, Sir,And the Lady Mother too, Sir, what have I to do with Ladies?

EnterCleremont.

Cler.'Tis the little Lawyers voice: has he got my way?It should be hereabouts.Din.Ye dry bisket rogue,I will so swinge you for this blasphemie—Have I found you out?Cler.That should beDinantstongue too.La-wr.And I defy thee do thy worst:O ho quothLancelottho.And that thou shalt know, I am a true Gentleman,And speak according to the phrase triumphant;Thy Lady is a scurvy Lady, and a shitten Lady,And though I never heard of her, a deboshed Lady,And thou, a squire of low degree; will that content thee?Dost [thou] way-lay me with Ladies? A pretty sword, Sir,A very pretty sword, I have a great mind to't.Din.You shall not lose your longing, rogue.Cler.Hold, hold.HoldDinant, as thou art a Gentleman.La-writ.As much as you will, my hand is in now.Cler.I am your friend, Sir:Dinantyou draw your swordUpon the Gentleman preserv'd your honour:This was my second, and did back me nobly,For shame forbear.Din.I ask your mercy, Sir, and am your servant now.La-writ.May we not fight then?Cler.I am sure you shall not now.La-wr.I am sorry for't, I am sure I'le stay no longer then,Not a jot longer: are there any more on ye afore?I will sing still, Sir.[ExitLa-writ,singing.Din.I look now you should chide me, and 'tis fit,And with much bitterness express your anger,I have deserv'd: yet when you know—Cler.I thank ye,Do you think that the wrong you have off'red me,The most unmanly wrong, unfriendly wrong—Din.I do confess—Cler.That boyish sleight—Din.Not so, Sir.Cler.That poor and base renouncing of your honour,Can be allaied with words?Din.I give you way still.Cler.Coloured with smooth excuses? Was it a friends part,A Gentlemans, a mans that wears a Sword,And stands upon the point of reputation,To hide his head then, when his honour call'd him?Call'd him aloud, and led him to his fortune?To halt and slip the coller? by my life,I would have given my life I had never known thee,Thou hast eaten Canker-like into my judgementWith this disgrace, thy whole life cannot heal again.Din.This I can suffer too, I find it honest.Cler.Can you pretend an excuse now may absolve you,Or any thing like honest, to bring you off?Ingage me like an Asse?Din.Will you but hear me?Cler.Expose me like a Jade to tug, and hale through,Laugh'd at, and almost hooted? your disgracesInvite mens Swords and angers to dispatch me.Din.If you will be patient.Cler.And be abus'd still: But that I have call'd thee friend,And to that name allow a Sanctuary,You should hear further from me, I would not talk thus:But henceforth stand upon your own bottom, Sir,And bear your own abuses, I scorn my swordShould travel in so poor and empty quarrels.Din.Ha' you done yet? take your whole swing of anger,I'le bear all with content.Cler.Why were you absent?Din.You know I am no Coward, you have seen that,And therefore, out of fear forsook you not:You know I am not false, of a treacherous nature,Apt to betray my friend, I have fought for you too;You know no business, that concern'd my state,My kindred, or my life.Cler.Where was the fault then?Din.The honour of that Lady I adore,Her credit, and her name: ye know she sent for me,And with what haste.Cler.What was he that traduc'd?Din.The man i'th' Moon, I think, hither I was sent,But to what end—

Enter oldLady.

Cler.This is a pretty flim-flam.O. La.I am glad I have met you Sir, I have been seeking,And seeking every where.Cler.And now you have found him,Declare what business, our Embassadour.O. Lady.What's that to ye good man flouter? O Sir, my Lady.Din.Prethee no more of thy Lady, I have too much on't.Cler.Let me have a little, speak to me.Old Lady.To you Sir?'Tis more than time: All occasions set aside Sir,Or whatsoever may be thought a business—Din.What then?Old Lady.Repair to me within this hour.Cler.Where?O. Lady.What's that to you? come you, Sir, when y'are sent for.Cler.God a mercyMumpsimus,You may goeDinant, and follow this old Fairie,Till you have lost your self, your friends, your credit,And Hunt away your youth in rare adventures,I can but grieve I have known you.Old Lady.Will ye goe Sir?I come not often to you with these blessings,You m[a]y believe that thing there, and repent it,That dogged thing.Cler.Peace touchwood.Din.I will not goe:Goe bid your Lady seek some fool to fawn on her,Some unexperienc'd puppie to make sport with,I have been her mirth too long, thus I shake from meThe fetters she put on; thus her enchantmentsI blow away like wind, no more her beauty—Old Lady.Take heed Sir what you say.Cler.Goe forward,Dinant.Din.The charms shot from her eyes—Old Lady.Be wise.Cler.Be Valiant.Din.That tongue that tells fair tales to mens destructionsShall never rack me more.Old Lady.Stay there.Cler.Goe forward.Din.I will now hear her, see her as a woman,Survey her, and the power man has allow'd, Sir,As I would do the course of common things,Unmov'd, unstruck.Cler.Hold there, and I forgive thee.Din.She is not fair, and that that makes her proud,Is not her own, our eyes bestow it on her,To touch and kiss her is no blessedness,A Sun-burnt Ethiops lip's as soft as her's.Goe bid her stick some other triumph up,And take into her favour some dull fool,That has no pretious time to lose, no friends,No honour, nor no life, like a bold Merchant,A bold and banquerupt man, I have ventur'd all these,And split my bottom: return this answer to her,I am awake again and see her mischiefs,And am not now, on every idle errand,And new coyn'd anger, to be hurried,And then despis'd again, I have forgot her.Cler.If this be true—O. Lady.I am sorry, I have troubled you,More sorrie, that my Lady has adventur'dSo great a favour in so weak a mind:This hour you have refus'd that when you come to know it,Will run you mad, and make you curse that fellow,She is not fair, nor handsom, so I leave you.Cler.Stay Lady, stay, but is there such a business?O. Lady.You would break your neck 'twere yours.Cler.My back, you would say.O. La.But play the friends part still, Sir, and undoe him,'Tis a fair office.Din.I have spoke too liberally.O. Lady.I shall deliver what you say.Cler.You shall be hang'd first,You would fain be prating now; take the man with you.O. Lady.Not I, I have no power.Cler.You may goeDinant.O. Lady.'Tis in's own will, I had no further charge, Sir,Than to tell him what I did, which if I had thoughtIt should have been receiv'd so—Cler.'Faith you may,You do not know how far it may concern you.If I perceiv'd any trick in't.Din.'Twill end there.Cler.'Tis my fault then, there is an hour in fortune,That must be still observ'd: you think I'le chide you,When things must be, nay see, an he will hold his head up?Would such a Lady send, with such a charge too?Say she has plaid the fool, play the fool with her again,The great fool, the greater still the better.He shall goe with you woman.Old Lady.As it please him,I know the way alone else.Din.Where is your Lady?O. Lady.I shall direct you quickly.Din.Well, I'le goe,But what her wrongs will give me leave to say.Cler.We'll leave that to your selves: I shall hear from you.Din.As soon as I come off—Cler.Come on then bravely;Farewel till then, and play the man.Din.You are merry;All I expect is scorn: I'le lead you Lady.[Exeunt severally.

EnterChampernel, Lamira, Beaupre, Verdone, Charlotte.

Beaup.We'l venture on him.Cham.Out of my doors I charge thee, see me no more.Lami.Your Nephew?Cham.I disclaim him,He has no part in me, nor in my blood,My Brother that kept fortune bound, and leftConquest hereditary to his IssueCould not beget a coward.Verd.I fought, Sir,Like a good fellow, and a Souldier too,But men are men, and cannot make their fates:Ascribe you to my Father what you please,I am born to suffer.Cham.All disgraces wretch.Lam.Good Sir be patient.Cham.Was there no tree,(For to fall by a noble enemies sword,A Coward is unworthy) nor no River,To force thy life out backward or to drown it,But that thou must survive thy i[n]famie?And kill me with the sight of one I hate,And gladly would forget?Beaup.Sir, his misfortuneDeserves not this reproof.Cham.In your opinion,'Tis fit you two should be of one belief,You are indeed fine gallants, and fight bravelyI'th' City with your tongues, but in the fieldHave neither spirit to dare nor power to do,Your swords are all lead there.Beaup.I know no duty,(How ever you may wreak your spleen on him,)That bindes me to endure this.Cham.FromDinantYou'l suffer more; that ever cursed I,Should give my honour up, to the defenceOf such a thing as he is, or my LadyThat is all Innocent, for whom a dove wouldAssume the courage of a daring Eagle,Repose her confidence in one that canNo better guard her. In contempt of youI loveDinant, mine enemy, nay admire him,His valour claims it from me, and with justice,He that could fight thus, in a cause not honest,His sword edg'd with defence of right and honour,Would pierce as deep as lightning, with that speed too,And kill as deadly.Verd.You are as far from justiceIn him you praise, as equitie in the censureYou load me with.Beaup.Dinant?he durst not meet us.Lam.How? durst not, Brother?Beaup.Durst not, I repeat it.Verd.Nor was itCleremont's valour that disarm'd us,I had the better of him; forDinant,If that might make my peace with you, I dareWrite him a Coward upon every post,And with the hazard of my life defend it.Lam.If 'twere laid at the stake you'd lose it, Nephew.Cham.Came he not, say you?Verd.No, but in his room,There was a Devil, hir'd from some MagicianI'th' shape of an Atturney.Beau.'Twas he did it.Verd.And his the honour.Beau.I could wishDinant—But what talk I of one that stept aside,And durst not come?Lam.I am such a friend to truth,I cannot hear this: why do you detractThus poorly (I should say to others basely)From one of such approv'd worth?Cham.Ha! how's this?Lam.From one so excellent in all that's noble,Whose only weakness is excess of courage?That knows no enemies, that he cannot master,But his affections, and in them, the worstHis love to me.Cham.To you?Lam.Yes, Sir, to me,I dare (for what is that which Innocence dares not)To you profess it: and he shun'd not the CombatFor fear or doubt of these: blush and repent,That you in thought e're did that wrong to valour.Beaup.Why, this is rare.Cham.'Fore heaven, exceeding rare;Why modest Lady, you that sing such EncomiumsOf your first Suiter—Verd.How can ye convince usIn your reports?Lam.With what you cannot answer,'Twas my command that staid him.Cham.Your command?Lam.Mine, Sir, and had my will rank'd with my power,And his obedience, I could have sent himWith more ease, weaponless to you, and bound,Than have kept him back, so well he loves his honourBeyond his life.Cham.Better, and better still.Lam.I wrought with him in private to divert himFrom your assur'd destruction, had he met you.Cham.In private?Lam.Yes, and us'd all Arts, all CharmsOf one that knew her self the absolute MistrisOf all his faculties.Cham.Gave all rewards tooHis service could deserve; did not he takeThe measure of my sheets?Lam.Do not look yellow,I have cause to speak; frowns cannot fright me,By all my hopes, as I am spotless to you,If I rest once assur'd you do but doubt me,Or curb me of that freedom you once gave me—Cham.What then?Lam.I'le not alone abuse your bed, that's nothing,But to your more vexation, 'tis resolv'd on,I'le run away, and then try ifDinantHave courage to defend me.Champ.Impudent!Verd.And on the sudden—Beau.How are ye transform'dFrom what you were?Lam.I was an innocent Virgin,And I can truly swear, a Wife as pureAs ever lay by Husband, and will dy so,Let me live unsuspected, I am no servant,Nor will be us'd like one: If you desireTo keep me constant as I would be, letTrust and belief in you beget and nurse it;Unnecessary jealousies make more whoresThan all baits else laid to entrap our frailties.Beau.There's no contesting with her, from a childOnce mov'd, she hardly was to be appeas'd,Yet I dare swear her honest.Cham.So I think too,On better judgement: I am no ItalianTo lock her up; nor would I be a Dutchman,To have my Wife, my soveraign, to command me:I'le try the gentler way, but if that fail,Believe it, Sir, there's nothing but extreamsWhich she must feel from me.Beau.That, as you please, Sir.Charl.You have won the breeches, Madam, look up sweetly,My Lord limps toward you.Lam.You will learn more manners.Charl.This is a fee, for counsel that's unask'd for.Cham.Come, I mistook thee sweet, prethee forgive me,I never will be jealous: e're I cherishSuch a mechanick humour, I'le be nothing;I'le say,Dinantis all that thou wouldst have him,Will that suffice?Lam.'Tis well, Sir.Cham.Use thy freedomUncheck'd, and unobserv'd, if thou wilt have it,These shall forget their honour, I my wrongs.We'll all dote on him, hell be my rewardIf I dissemble.Lam.And that hell take meIf I affect him, he's a lustfull villain,(But yet no coward) and sollicites meTo my dishonour, that's indeed a quarrel,And truly mine, which I will so revenge,As it shall fright such as dare only thinkTo be adulterers.Cham.Use thine own waies,I give up all to thee.Beau.O women, women!When you are pleas'd you are the least of evils.Verd.I'le rime to't, but provokt, the worst of Devils.[Exeunt.

Enter MonsieurSampson,and three Clients.

Samp.I know MonsieurLa-writ.1 Cly.Would he knew himself, Sir.Samp.He was a pretty Lawyer, a kind of pretty Lawyer,Of a kind of unable thing.2 Cly.A fine Lawyer, Sir,And would have firk'd you up a business,And out of this Court into that.Samp.Ye are too forwardNot so fine my friends, something he could have done,But short short.1 Cly.I know your worships favour,You are Nephew to the Judge, Sir.Samp.It may be so,And something may be done, without trotting i'th' dirt, friends;It may be I can take him in his Chamber,And have an hours talk, it may be so,And tell him that in's ear; there are such courtesies;I will not say, I can.3 Cly.We know you can, Sir.Sam.Peradventure I, peradventure no: but where'sLa-writ?Where's your sufficient Lawyer?1 Cly.He's blown up, Sir.2 Cly.Run mad and quarrels with the Dog he meets;He is no Lawyer of this world now.Sam.Your reason?Is he defunct? is he dead?2 Cly.No he's not dead yet, Sir;But I would be loth to take a lease on's life for two hours:Alas, he is possest Sir, with the spirit of fightingAnd quarrels with all people; but how he came to it—Samp.If he fight well and like a Gentleman,The man may fight, for 'tis a lawfull calling.Look you my friends, I am a civil Gentleman,And my Lord my Uncle loves me.3 Cly.We all know it, Sir.Sam.I think he does, Sir, I have business too, much business,Turn you some forty or fifty Causes in a week;Yet when I get an hour of vacancie,I can fight too my friends, a little does well,I would be loth to learn to fight.1 Cly.But and't please you Sir,His fighting has neglected all our business,We are undone, our causes cast away, Sir,His not appearance.Sam.There he fought too long,A little and fight well, he fought too long indeed friends;But ne'r the less things must be as they may,And there be wayes—1 Cly.We know, Sir, if you please—Sam.Something I'le do: goe rally up your Causes.

EnterLa-writ,and aGentleman,at the door.

2 Cly.Now you may behold Sir,And be a witness, whether we lie or no.La-writ.I'le meet you at the Ordinary, sweet Gentlemen,And if there be a wench or two—Gen.We'll have 'em.La-writ.No handling any Duells before I come,We'll have no going else, I hate a coward.Gent.There shall be nothing done.La-writ.Make all the quarrelsYou can devise before I come, and let's all fight,There is no sport else.Gent.We'll see what may be done, Sir.1 Cly.Ha? MonsieurLa-writ.La-writ.Baffled in way of business,My causes cast away, Judgement against us?Why there it goes.2 Cly.What shall we do the whilst Sir?La-wr.Breed new dissentions, goe hang your selves'Tis all one to me; I have a new trade of living.1 Cli.Do you hear what he saies Sir?Sam.The Gentleman speaks finely.La-wr.Will any of you fight? Fighting's my occupationIf you find your selves aggriev'd.Sam.A compleat Gentleman.La-writ.Avant thou buckram budget of petitions,Thou spittle of lame causes; I lament for thee,And till revenge be taken—Sam.'Tis most excellent.La-wr.There, every man chuse his paper, and his place.I'le answer ye all, I will neglect no mans businessBut he shall have satisfaction like a Gentleman,The Judge may do and not do, he's but a Monsieur.Sam.You have nothing of mine in your bag, Sir.La-writ.I know not Sir,But you may put any thing in, any fighting thing.Sam.It is sufficient, you may hear hereafter.La-writ.I rest your servant Sir.Sam.No more words GentlemenBut follow me, no more words as you love me,The Gentleman's a noble Gentleman.I shall do what I can, and then—Cli.We thank you Sir.[Ex.Sam.andClients.Sam.Not a word to disturb him, he's a Gentleman.La-writ.No cause go o' my side? the judge cast all?And because I was honourably employed in action,And not appear'd, pronounce? 'tis very well,'Tis well faith, 'tis well, Judge.

EnterCleremont.

Cler.Who have we here?My little furious Lawyer?La-writ.I say 'tis well,But mark the end.Cler.How he is metamorphos'd!Nothing of Lawyer left, not a bit of buckram,No solliciting face now,This is no simple conversion.Your servant Sir, and Friend.La-writ.You come in time, Sir,Cler.The happier man, to be at your command then.La-writ.You may wonder to see me thus; but that's all one,Time shall declare; 'tis true I was a Lawyer,But I have mew'd that coat, I hate a Lawyer,I talk'd much in the Court, now I hate talking,I did you the office of a man.Cler.I must confess it.La-w.And budg'd not, no I budg'd not.Cler.No, you did not.La-w.There's it then, one good turn requires another.Cler.Most willing Sir, I am ready at your service.La-w.There, read, and understand, and then deliver it.Cler.This is a Challenge, Sir,La-w.'Tis very like, Sir,I seldom now write Sonnets.Cler.O admirantis,To MonsieurVertaign, the President.La-w.I chuse no Fool, Sir.Cler.Why, he's no Sword-man, Sir.La-w.Let him learn, let him learn,Time, that trains Chickens up, will teach him quickly.Cler.Why, he's a Judge, an Old Man.La-w.Never too OldTo be a Gentleman; and he that is a JudgeCan judge best what belongs to wounded honour.There are my griefs, he has cast away my causes,In which he has bowed my reputation.And therefore Judge, or no Judge.Cler.'Pray be rul'd Sir,This is the maddest thing—La-w.You will not carry it.Cler.I do not tell you so, but if you may be perswaded.La-w.You know how you us'd me when I would not fight,Do you remember, Gentleman?Cler.The Devil's in him.La-w.I see it in your Eyes, that you dare do it,You have a carrying face, and you shall carry it.Cler.The least is Banishment.La-w.Be banish'd then;'Tis a friends part, we'll meet inAfrica,Or any part of the Earth.Cler.Say he will not fight.La-w.I know then what to say, take you no care, Sir,Cler.Well, I will carry it, and deliver it,And to morrow morning meet you in the Louver,Till when, my service.La-w.A Judge, or no Judge, no Judge.[ExitLa-writ.Cler.This is the prettiest Rogue that e'r I read of,None to provoke to th' field, but the old President;What face shall I put on? if I come in earnest,I am sure to wear a pair of Bracelets;This may make some sport yet, I will deliver it,Here comes the President.

EnterVertaign,with two Gentlemen.

Vert.I shall find time, Gentlemen,To do your causes good, is not thatCleremont?1 Gent.'Tis he my Lord.Vert.Why does he smile upon me?Am I become ridiculous? has your fortune, Sir,Upon my Son, made you contemn his Father?The glory of a Gentleman is fair bearing.Cler.Mistake me not my Lord, you shall not find that,I come with no blown Spirit to abuse you,I know your place and honour due unto it,The reverence to your silver Age and Vertue.Vert.Your face is merry still.Cler.So is my business,And I beseech your honour mistake me not,I have brought you from a wild or rather Mad-manAs mad a piece of—you were wont to love mirthIn your young days, I have known your Honour woo it,This may be made no little one, 'tis a Challenge, Sir,Nay, start not, I beseech you, it means you no harm,Nor any Man of Honour, or Understanding,'Tis to steal from your serious hours a little laughter;I am bold to bring it to your Lordship.Vert.'Tis to me indeed:Do they take me for a Sword-man at these years?Cler.'Tis only worth your Honours Mirth, that's all Sir,'Thad been in me else a sawcy rudeness.Vert.From oneLa-writ, a very punctual Challenge.Cler.But if your Lordship mark it, no great matter.Vert.I have known such a wrangling Advocate,Such a little figent thing; Oh I remember him,A notable talking Knave, now out upon him,Has challeng'd me downright, defied me mortallyI do remember too, I cast his Causes.Cler.Why, there's the quarrel, Sir, the mortal quarrel.Vert.Why, what a Knave is this? as y'are a Gentleman,Is there no further purpose but meer mirth?What a bold Man of War! he invites me roundly.Cler.If there should be, I were no Gentleman,Nor worthy of the honour of my Kindred.And though I am sure your Lordship hates my Person,Which Time may bring again into your favour,Yet for the manners—Vert.I am satisfied,You see, Sir, I have out-liv'd those days of fighting,And therefore cannot do him the honour to beat him my self;But I have a Kinsman much of his ability,His Wit and Courage, for this call him Fool,One that will spit as senseless fire as this Fellow.Cler.And such a man to undertake, my Lord?Vert.Nay he's too forward; these two pitch Barrels together.Cler.Upon my soul, no harm.Vert.It makes me smile,Why, what a stinking smother will they utter!Yes, he shall undertake, Sir, as my Champion,Since you propound it mirth, I'll venture on it,And shall defend my cause, but as y'are honestSport not with bloud.Cler.Think not so basely, good Sir.Vert.A Squire shall wait upon you from my Kinsman,To morrow morning make you sport at full,You want no Subject; but no wounds.Cler.That's my care.Ver.And so good day.[Ex.Vertaign,and Gentlemen.Cler.Many unto your honour.This is a noble Fellow, of a sweet Spirit,Now must I think how to contrive this matter,For together they shall go.

EnterDinant.

Din.OCleremont,I am glad I have found thee.Cler.I can tell thee rare things.Din.O, I can tell thee rarer,Dost thou love me?Cler.Love thee?Din.Dost thou love me dearly?Dar'st thou for my sake?Cler.Any thing that's honest.Din.Though it be dangerous?Cler.Pox o' dangerous.Din.Nay wondrous dangerous.Cler.Wilt thou break my heart?Din.Along with me then.Cler.I must part to morrow.Din.You shall, you shall, be faithful for this night,And thou hast made thy friend.Cler.Away, and talk not.[Exeunt.

EnterLamira,and Nurse.

Lam.O Nurse, welcome, where'sDinant?Nurse.He's at my back.'Tis the most liberal Gentleman, this GoldHe gave me for my pains, nor can I blame you,If you yield up the fort.Lam.How? yield it up?Nurse.I know not, he that loves, and gives so largely,And a young Lord to boot, or I am cozen'd,May enter every where.Lam.Thou'lt make me angry.

EnterDinant,andCleremont.

Nur.Why, if you are, I hope here's one will please you,Look on him with my Eyes, good luck go with you:Were I young for your sake—Din.I thank thee, Nurse.Nur.I would be tractable, and as I am—Lam.Leave the room,So old, and so immodest! and be careful,Since whispers will 'wake sleeping jealousies,That none disturb my Lord.[Exit Nurse.Cler.Will you dispatch?Till you come to the matter be not rapt thus,Walk in, walk in, I am your scout for once,You owe me the like service.Din.And will pay it.Lam.As you respect our lives, speak not so loud.Cler.Why, do it in dumb shew then, I am silenc'd.Lam.Be not so hasty, Sir, the golden ApplesHad a fell Dragon for their Guard, your pleasuresAre to be attempted withHerculeandanger,Or never to be gotten.Din.Speak the means.Lam.Thus briefly, my Lord sleeps now, and alas,Each Night, he only sleeps.Cler.Go, keep her stirring.Lam.Now if he 'wake, as sometimes he does,He only stretches out his hand and feels,Whether I am a bed, which being assur'd of,He sleeps again; but should he miss me, ValourCould not defend our lives.Din.What's to be done then?Lam.Servants have servile faiths, nor have I anyThat I dare trust; on nobleCleremontWe safely may rely.Cler.What man can do,Command and boldly.Lam.Thus then in my place,You must lye with my Lord.Cler.With an old man?Two Beards together, that's preposterous.Lam.There is no other way, and though 'tis dangerous,He having servants within call, and arm'd too,Slaves fed to act all that his jealousieAnd rage commands them, yet a true friend should notCheck at the hazard of a life.Cler.I thank you,I love my friend, but know no reason whyTo hate my self; to be a kind of pander,You see I am willing,But to betray mine own throat you must pardon.Din.Then I am lost, and all my hopes defeated,Were I to hazard ten times more for you,You should find,Cleremont—Cler.You shall not outdo me,Fall what may fall, I'll do't.Din.But for his Beard—Lam.To cover that you shall have my night Linnen,And you dispos'd of, myDinantand IWill have some private conference.

EnterChampernel,privately.

Cler.Private doing,Or I'll not venture.Lam.That's as we agree.[Exeunt.

Enter Nurse, andCharlotte,pass over the Stage with Pillows, Night cloaths, and such things.

Cham.What can this Woman do, preserving her honour?I have given her all the liberty that may be,I will not be far off though, nor I will not be jealous,Nor trust too much, I think she is vertuous,Yet when I hold her best, she's but a Woman,As full of frailty as of faith, a poor sleight Woman,And her best thoughts, but weak fortifications,There may be a Mine wrought: Well, let 'em work then,I shall meet with it, till the signs be monstrous,And stick upon my head, I will not believe it,[Stands private.She may be, and she may not, now to my observation.

EnterDinant,andLamira.

Din.Why do you make me stay so? if you love me—Lam.You are too hot and violent.Din.Why do you shift thusFrom one Chamber to another?Lam.A little delay, Sir,Like fire, a little sprinkled o'r with waterMakes the desires burn clear, and ten times hotter.Din.Why do you speak so loud? I pray'e go in,Sweet Mistriss, I am mad, time steals away,And when we would enjoy—Lam.Now fie, fie, Servant,Like sensual Beasts shall we enjoy our pleasures?Din.'Pray do not kiss me then.Lam.Why, that I will, and you shall find anon, servant.Din.Softly, for heavens sake, you know my friend's engag'd,A little now, now; will ye go in again?Lam.Ha, ha, ha, ha.Din.Why do you laugh so loud, Precious?Will you betray me; ha' my friends throat cut?Lam.Come, come, I'll kiss thee again.Cham.Will you so? you are liberal,If you do cozen me—

Enter Nurse with Wine.

Din.What's this?Lam.Wine, Wine, a draught or two.Din.What does this Woman here?Lam.She shall not hinder you.Din.This might have been spar'd,'Tis but delay and time lost; pray send her softly off.Lam.Sit down, and mix your spirits with Wine,I will make you anotherHercules.Din.I dare not drink;Fie, what delays you make! I dare not,I shall be drunk presently, and do strange things then.Lam.Not drink a cup with your Mistriss! O the pleasure.Din.Lady, why this?[Musick.Lam.We must have mirth to our Wine, Man.Din.Pl—— o' the Musick.Champ.God-a-mercy Wench,If thou dost cuckold me I shall forgive thee.Din.The house will all rise now, this will disturb all.Did you do this?Lam.Peace, and sit quiet, fool,You love me, come, sit down and drink.

EnterCleremontabove.

Cler.What a Devil ail you?How cold I sweat! a hogs pox stop your pipes,[Musick.The thing will 'wake; now, now, methinks I findHis Sword just gliding through my throat. What's that?A vengeance choak your pipes. Are you there, Lady?Stop, stop those Rascals; do you bring me hitherTo be cut into minced meat? whyDinant?Din.I cannot do withal;I have spoke, and spoke; I am betray'd and lost too.Cler.Do you hear me? do you understand me?'Plague dam your Whistles.[Musick ends.Lam.'Twas but an over-sight, they have done, lye down.Cler.Would you had done too,You know notIn what a misery and fear I lye.You have a Lady in your arms.Din.I would have—[The Recorders again.Champ.I'll watch you Goodman Wou'd have.Cler.Remove for Heavens sake,And fall to that you come for.Lam.Lie you down,'Tis but an hours endurance now.Cler.I dare not, softly sweet Lady ——heart?Lam.'Tis nothing but your fear, he sleeps still soundly,Lie gently down.Cler.'Pray make an end.Din.Come, Madam.Lam.These Chambers are too near.[Ex.Din. Lam.Cham.I shall be nearer;Well, go thy wayes, I'le trust thee through the world,Deal how thou wilt: that that I never feel,I'le never fear. Yet by the honour of a Souldier,I hold thee truly noble: How these things will look,And how their blood will curdle! Play on Children,You shall have pap anon. O thou grand Fool,That thou knew'st but thy fortune—[Musick done.Cler.Peace, good Madam,Stop her mouth,Dinant, it sleeps yet, 'pray be wary,Dispatch, I cannot endure this misery,I can hear nothing more; I'll say my prayers,And down again—[Whistle within.A thousand Alarms fall upon my quarters,Heaven send me off; when I lye keeping Courses.Pl—— o' your fumbling,Dinant; how I shake!'Tis still again: would I were in theIndies.[ExitCler.

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