Cadwell:That you love me, that you think it, and that you tell me—endlessly.
Olivia:You will betray me.
Cadwell:No, madam, never.
Olivia:Put it in writing.
Cadwell:In my blood if necessary.
Olivia: You no longer love Laura? You will live eternally for me? You promise me this and your hand is ready to sign the declaration?
Cadwell:Right now. Command me!
Olivia:Don't forget then, Cadwell, to put in all that confirms your oaths.
Cadwell: I am going to bring it to you, madam, while you in turn will give me proofs of your affection.
Olivia:You will be content.
Cadwell:That's enough.
Olivia:I will wait for you.
(Exit Cadwell) (Then, enter Jenny)
Jenny:Well, madam?
Olivia:Everything's going fine. And my brother—what's he doing?
Jenny: (seeing Laura enter with Worthy)Nothing much, madam.— Here he is.
(Enter Worthy and Laura)
Worthy:What, madam! Nothing can dissuade you!
Laura:Stop, Worthy. I know more about all that than you. It's as I told you.
Worthy:The letter that Arabella gave to Laura—was a letter written to Laura.
Laura: (to Olivia)That's the way it is.
Worthy: (to Olivia) Arabella for inexplicable reasons takes the opportunity of using the letter to injure Cadwell.
Olivia: Well, brother, the matter is doubtful. Laura loves Cadwell, she takes his side. What do you find extraordinary in that?
Laura: The thing is not doubtful, madam. There are circumstances which assure me it is true.
Olivia: (to Worthy) Madam's right. Show her he has deceived her so that Cadwell cannot deny it, then—
Laura: (interrupting) Oh, I tell you if you can bring that about I will never see him again in my life.
Worthy:But, madam, what more is necessary?
Olivia: Oh, brother! How silly you are. (taking him to a nearby room) Come into this room, I want to talk to you.
Worthy:But—
Olivia: (interrupting him)I want to talk to you, I tell you. Follow me.
(Exit Olivia and Worthy)
Laura: Ah, I've seen more than I want to see. They intend to hunt Cadwell out of my heart. They are taking measures to do it that will not succeed.
Jenny: For that they are wrong, madam. For me, at present I am on his side. He tells you that he loves you—why not believe him? They suspect him wrongly. They say he deceives you—all the world believes it. What does it matter? You are the interested party—he made you listen to what he pleased, that's all. Must he render an account of his actions to others?
Laura: My God, Jenny, I understand that language. But be advised that I am not a dupe. I have eyes like others—in an affair that was nobody's business but mine.
Jenny:I am speaking seriously, madam. That young fellow loves you terribly.
(Exit Jenny, then enter Cadwell)
Cadwell:Stay, madam—here—
Laura: (interrupting him)What have you there? What do you intend to do with that letter?
Cadwell:I am come to bring it to you, madam.
Laura:May I see it?
Cadwell: If you will bear with me. I must tell you the reasons that brought me to write it.
Laura:I am listening to you.
Cadwell:You must help me in this business.
Laura:Speak quickly then.
Cadwell: Madam, I can no longer stand all the nasty things said about us. I know that Olivia is part of it. I have decided to stop them, and I have found the way by pretending to make love to her.
Laura:What?
Cadwell: Listen, madam. Here's the best part. From the first interview, I have so well advanced that we are come to terms.
Laura:What are you saying?
Cadwell: Hear the rest, I beg you. She has exacted a promise from me that I will never love anyone other than herself. And she has even engaged that I must put in that I never loved you.
Laura:You were able to write it?
Cadwell:Pardon me for doing so. All appeared permissible to me to avenge you.
Laura:And what can assure me that this pretence doesn't hide a truth?
Cadwell: Everything, madam. And especially the care I have taken not to put this paper in her hands until you have seen it.
Laura:Ah, Cadwell, I will never be able to accept such a pretence.
Cadwell:Ah, madam, I beg you. Now I have the letter to Olivia in my hands.
Laura:Show me this paper.
Cadwell:Madam, I hear Olivia. Contain yourself, I beg you.
Laura:It will be hard.
Cadwell:It must be done.
(Enter Olivia)
Laura:Where have you come from, madam?
Olivia:I've just come from a conversation with my brother which concerns you.
Cadwell: (giving Olivia his letter) Madam, here's more than you asked me for. (Olivia takes the letter, reads it, and hands it to Laura) Madam, what are you doing?
Olivia: Cadwell: do not be surprised if, after having deceived so many times, you are deceived in your turn. I never loved you and I have not the least jealousy—but I could no longer suffer you to trick a person who does not deserve your trickery. Besides, my brother's interest engaged me to all this. I am going to disclose your perfidy. But in the future profit from this mischance. You have wit, mix in a little sincerity, and someday I hope you will thank me for the advice I have given you. (to Laura) Read, madam.
Laura: (reading the letter to herself in a low voice)Cadwell.
Olivia: (After Laura has finished reading)Well, what do you say to that?
Laura: That I am delighted, madam, to know your good faith, and to be persuaded that you didn't wish to betray me.
Olivia:You will continue to see Cadwell?
Laura:Yes, madam.
Olivia:You will continue to love him?
Laura:More than I have ever done in my life.
Olivia:Then I must never see you again!
(Exit Olivia)
Laura: Cadwell, I must leave. (in a tone marked with rage) I cannot leave her much longer in her error.
(Exit Laura)
Cadwell: What do you make of that? Laura doesn't appear to me much disabused. The uncertainty she was in when leaving me, her eyes which couldn't keep back some tears—all these things bode me no good. My shock at first, would have betrayed me without a doubt. What does it matter? Well, so much the worse for her. I take every precaution possible to spare her chagrin. If she must chagrin herself, I consent. The trick I'm using is not true, but it's possibly true or so it appears to me, and she ought always to give me consideration for the trouble I take to try to deceive her.
(Enter Worthy)
Worthy:Ah, my dear Cadwell, I am delighted.
Cadwell:Eh! What for, Worthy?
Worthy:By what they just told me.
Cadwell:Eh! What have they just told you?
Worthy:That you love my sister.
Cadwell:It's true.
Worthy: Oh, fine! I've come to assure you that nothing can prevent you from being happy together.
Cadwell:Eh, how?
Worthy: If you wish it, I promise you, I will employ all my credit with her to make her agree to marry you.
Cadwell:I don't intend to get married.
Worthy:What then?
Cadwell:That's the way it is.
Worthy:Didn't you tell me that you love my sister?
Cadwell:I remain in agreement.
Worthy:Uh—what do you intend by loving her?
Cadwell:To love her.
Worthy:Cadwell!
Cadwell:Worthy!
Worthy:You're not thinking of it.
Cadwell:Pardon me.
Worthy:You love my sister without thinking of marrying her?
Cadwell:Do you marry all those you love?
Worthy: There are certain men who ought not to love at all with ideas like that.
Cadwell:That I intend to see.
Worthy:You're losing your mind.
Cadwell:I don't see anything peculiar about a man not wanting to get married.
Worthy:Goodbye, Cadwell. You won't always be so happy or so clever.
(Exit Worthy)
Cadwell: We shall see. God, this is funny. Once, I would have accepted the role, but after the trick his sister just played me—
(Enter Bendish)
Bendish:Truly, you're prompt, I just came from Charlotte's—
Cadwell:Peace!
Bendish:I learned there that—
Cadwell:Peace!
Bendish:I went for your scarf—
Cadwell:Shut up!
Bendish:Your jerkin—
Cadwell:Will you shut up!
Bendish: (aside)Listen!
Cadwell:Bendish?
Bendish:Sir?
Cadwell: Give me the mirror. (Bendish goes and returns with the objects as they are called for) Listen—my snuff box—wait—bring the armchair— Eh! My writing table.— No, give me a comb. Come on then,—will you hurry up?
Bendish:Tell me exactly what you want—
Cadwell: I don't know. I want to sit down. (aside) Madam Olivia, madam Olivia, you have played me at trick—
(Enter Jenny)
Jenny:Madam, wants to know if you sup here?
Cadwell:Why, Jenny?
Jenny:Because if you don't sup here she will go in town.
Cadwell:I don't wish to constrain her, Jenny.
Jenny: Eh! You don't constrain her as much as you think. Are you supping here or not?
Cadwell:I will sup here if that will give her pleasure.
Jenny:I will go tell madam.
(Exit Jenny)
Cadwell:Do you know what has happened?
Bendish:Nobody is speaking of anything else downstairs.
Cadwell: But is Laura persuaded that the thing is as I wish her to understand it?
Bendish:Apparently, since she wanted to know if you will sup with her.
Cadwell:On my oath, this is really funny.
Bendish:Very droll.
Cadwell: Assuredly, she doubts nothing. What she has just sent to ask confirms that sufficiently. But finish. What did Caroline want with me?
Bendish: That she never wants to see you; that she regards you at all times as a man without faith, without honor, slanderous, indiscreet, a traitor, rascal, unfaithful.
Cadwell:Eh! What did you say?
Bendish: I said nothing, sir. It was Charlotte. (pulling from his pocket a pair of gloves and presenting them to Cadwell) Still, she gave me a pair of gloves to oblige you to go there. (The Petite Chevalier appears) Wait —here's her nephew who has come to fetch you without a doubt.
(Enter the Little Gentleman)
L. Gent.:Eh! Good day my friend.
Cadwell:Eh: Good day child. Where are you going?
L. Gent.: I've come to see you. Are you angry about it?
Cadwell:No, not at all. Hold on then.
L. Gent.:I intend to kiss you.
Cadwell: (embracing him)Here's the way it's done.
L. Gent.: (embracing Cadwell a second time)And for my aunt, don't I get one?
Cadwell: (retiring)Well—is it enough? Fie then, little trickster, you've ruined my wig.
L. Gent.:Yes, that's true. I made a big booboo. (to Bendish) Eh. Good day,Bendish. (presenting his hand to Bendish) Touch that.
Bendish: (touching his hand)That's how it is done.
Cadwell:Give him a seat.
L. Gent.:No. I don't know how to stay seated.
Bendish: (to Cadwell)Can he be trusted?
Cadwell: (to Little Gentleman)Come here.
L. Gent.: (throwing Cadwell's wig on the floor)Well?
Cadwell: What a villain to father a child like this! Isn't it time to grow wise?
L. Gent.: And you who are much larger than I? My aunt says you are not very wise.
Cadwell:Your aunt is crazy. Was it she who sent you here?
L. Gent.: She bet me half a crown that I wouldn't dare to come here to see if you were home.
Cadwell:You made a bet?
L. Gent.:Certainly.
Bendish: (aside)Plague. He knows. The little gossip has got him.
Cadwell: (grabbing the Little Gentleman's nose)What have you got there? (making him take some tobacco) There.
L. Gent.: Ah, fie! Plague on the villain and his tobacco. Hold on, you will see if I don't tell my aunt.
Cadwell:Will you shut up?
L. Gent.:Why'd you make me take tobacco then?
Cadwell:Peace.
L. Gent.:If I don't make my aunt scold you.
Cadwell:Little gallows bird.
L. Gent.:Patience.— You call my aunt crazy?
Cadwell:Bendish.
Bendish:Sir?
L. Gent.:When my aunt knows—
Cadwell:Shut his mouth. He cries like a little demon.
L. Gent.:I will tell all this to my aunt.
Bendish:Still?
Cadwell: Bring him to me. (Bendish marches the little Gentleman to Cadwell) My poor little man, I beg you. Don't make so much noise.
L. Gent.:You will see with your tobacco.
Cadwell:Well, I won't give you anymore.
L. Gent.:If you hadn't done that I would have told you something.
Cadwell:What?
L. Gent.:No, you'll never know.
Cadwell:I beg you.
L. Gent.:No.
Cadwell:My little dear.
L. Gent.:No.
Cadwell: Eh. The little animal doesn't see that I'm mocking him and that I know everything he intends to tell me.
L. Gent.: Yes? Do you know that my aunt told me to come here and to bring you to her, and that she told me to make it appear as if it came from me? But because of your tobacco you will know nothing. I know how to punish you.
Cadwell:And I—I don't want to listen to you.
L. Gent.:And I—I have no desire to say anything further, either.
Bendish:The good little messenger.
Cadwell:Are my porters below?
Bendish:Yes, sir.
Cadwell:Follow me.
Jenny: Go on, go on, fear nothing. Laura is beginning to open her eyes. Our man will soon be taken, I tell you.
Worthy:I am more afraid than ever.
Olivia:Frankly, I have trouble persuading myself that your plan will succeed.All that's happened will make him more careful.
Jenny: Him! It will make him more crazy. You don't know much about human nature. He's counting right now that he can make Laura believe black is white. Experience will only make him more bold. You will see if I don't know people.
Worthy:If you can make me happy with your cunning, believe that—
Jenny: Stop, you owe me nothing for whatever I do. I do it only because I want to do it. It's a natural bent I have to ruin all these little animals with beautiful manners and cold hearts. Ah, if all women were like me! I am furious when I think that they cause more honest men to be shunned, with their devilish jargon, their oaths, and endless tricks and rascalities. It puts me in a whopping rage.
Worthy:Your man is warned.
Jenny:He is instructed in what he must do.
Olivia:He is not a man to be won over by money?
Jenny: Oh, as to that I cannot say. I don't know if the mediocrity of his fortune and the natural desire to acquire money wouldn't tempt him from an untested probity. But there is a remedy for that. Promise to pay him only if all goes well and you will see that he will manage it.
Worthy:As to that, Jenny, he can be assured. Where is he?
Jenny:He's waiting in the Park for me to send for him.
Worthy:I will go there myself.
Jenny:You will do well.
(Exit Worthy)
Olivia: I won't hide from you, Jenny, that I wouldn't get involved in this for anything or anyone but my brother. I don't like doing wrong.
Jenny:You were not so scrupulous this morning.
Olivia:I admit that and I don't know why.
Jenny:I do.
Olivia:Why?
Jenny:You want me to say it?
Olivia:Yes.
Jenny:It's because he told you he loved you.
Olivia:Yes, I admit it. If only his heart agreed with his manners.
Jenny: (interrupting) Already more than half the way is taken. On my word, I thought I was speaking with a reasonable person, but I see that—
Olivia:How you twist things around!
Jenny: Eh! My God, I understand that talk "his heart agreed with his manners." There's the jargon about which I was just speaking to you.
Olivia:How crazy you are!
Jenny:I am not crazy; I know what I'm talking about.
(Enter Laura)
Laura: (to Olivia) Well, madam, again you bring me to the point of being disabused. Alas, when will you disoblige me by proving that Cadwell is unfaithful?
Jenny:There's time remaining in the day.
Laura: No, no, Jenny. Don't misunderstand. It's more than a day since I distrusted Cadwell. But can one separate so easily?
Olivia: Listen, madam, for myself, I will say no more. An error which pleases —contents us; a different state would seem harsh. I don't wish to poison your life's peace.
Laura: No, no, madam, let's finish it. It's time. I cannot remain for the rest of my life in the condition I am in. And I am tired of complaining.
Jenny:Ah, that's better. Here's a woman. Courage, madam.
Laura:I believe he's with Charlotte. Shall I send for him?
Jenny: To what good? They are not going to tell you anything, and you will merely increase their happiness.
Laura:Then do what you wish.
Jenny:I will do only what I said. (Seeing Captain Slice appear)Here's Captain Slice. This is the man I spoke to you about.
(Enter Slice)
Laura:Jenny has told you what must be done?
Slice:Don't worry about anything, madam.
Jenny:Have you some strong friends with you?
Slice:I've got all I need.
Jenny:Don't mess up, at least.
Slice:Not my intention.
Olivia: (aside) In truth, it makes me sad. (to Laura) Madam, yet once more— Don't push this any further. You will be unhappy.
Laura:No, madam, I tell you I am dying of it.
Jenny: (hearing someone)I hear someone on the little landing. Retire. Perhaps it's Cadwell.Oh, quickly. He mustn't see Captain Slice.
(Exit Laura, Olivia, and Slice) (After a moment enter Bendish)
Bendish:Jenny, have you seen my master?
Jenny:Bah! Silly, you know where he is better than I do.
Bendish:No, may the Devil take me!
Jenny:I just heard his porters.
Bendish:It's true but I was using them.
Jenny:But why in a chaise? Were you ill?
Bendish: Me? No. I wanted to make them earn their wages. I lost my master at the Opera. I don't know what has become of him. I believe one of his friends brought him home.
Jenny:Ah, I hear him. Assuredly it is he. Goodbye.
Bendish: Goodbye, my Princess. (exit Jenny) Pretty language. That's what you get from service—always learning something. My princess, my pretty lady, my little angel, my queen, my petite. Killing words like these and a few sighs, and behold, no more is needed to turn the heads of several ladies of my acquaintance.
(Enter Cadwell)
Cadwell: (laughing)Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Bendish:What's making you laugh so?
Cadwell: (still laughing)Ah, ah, ha, ha.
Bendish:Tell me what it is, so I can laugh, too.
Cadwell:I was at the Opera as you know.
Bendish: Indeed, you were there. What the devil do you want? You were in the pit, on the stage, in the balcony—there wasn't a place there you didn't get into.
Cadwell:Didn't you see me in one of the wings?
Bendish: Indeed, I saw you there, and I saw it when the house began to hiss you. They didn't hiss you like they do bad actors. If you persist, you will start a fashion of being hissed by spectators, fools, obviously. What the devil contortions were you making first on one foot, then the other?
Cadwell:I was ogling a lady in the second balcony that I believe I know.
Bendish: Do you call that ogling? Oh, at least I am not so gauche, now I know how to ogle. To shrug, turn one's head, kiss the tip of your gloves very tenderly, that's called ogling, right? Well, did she respond to this ogling?
Cadwell: So well that I went up to her lodge, where I stayed but a moment with her because of a jealous husband who put his head through the curtain to find us. We didn't wait for him so we went to another lodge where we watched him quarrel with a woman who had taken our original seats. I believe he even struck her with his fist. This caused such a disturbance that the music stopped. We didn't want to wait for the end of the adventure. So I took her home. Don't you find that funny?
Bendish: Not at all. Of all this, I only like the ogling part. I intend to study under you. You seem to me to be an expert at this work.
Cadwell: Me? I am only a school boy. I will show you a chap at the Opera who can put the whole stage down.
Bendish: Isn't he the one who's always sweet, who believes all the ladies are in love with him, who gushes, sighs,—and who can be heard from the back of the theatre.
Cadwell:You've got him.
Bendish:Ah, yes, I know him. Is he a lively fellow, too?
Cadwell:He says so.
Bendish:Is he rich?
Cadwell:Why?
Bendish: That's what I call lucky. Ah, I could be, too, since it's so easy. I intend to return to the Opera to ogle. (looking about him) Isn't there anybody here who likes ogling?
Cadwell:Shut up, you are so stupid.
Bendish: (hearing a knocking)Someone's knocking at the little stairway.
Cadwell:Who can it be?
Bendish:I don't know. Shall I see?
Cadwell:See. At this hour I won't wait on anyone.
(Bendish goes to the door and after an instant returns)
Bendish:They ask to speak to you and they want to know if you are alone.
Cadwell:Who is this fellow?
Bendish:He won't say. I've never seen him before.
Cadwell:His name?
Bendish: He won't say. Send him off, sir. For fear of a mischance. He doesn't look right.
Cadwell:You say that you've never seen him before?
Bendish: Right. But his mysterious demeanor, a pushed down hat, a cape that hides his nose—how the devil can I tell?
Cadwell:Is it his cape or his face that doesn't look right?
Bendish:Sir, there's talk of thieves. Suppose he's one?
Cadwell:Aren't there two of us?
Bendish:We are only one all the same.
Cadwell:Do what I tell you.
(Bendish goes and returns with Captain Slice)
Bendish:Enter, sir.
Slice:Is it you, sir, they call Mr. Cadwell?
Cadwell:Yes, sir.
Slice:Can we be overheard?
Cadwell:Not if you don't speak very loud.
Slice:Would you please have your man retire?
Bendish: (frightened and glad to go)Willingly.
Cadwell: Stay! (to Slice) Sir, Bendish is discreet. One can say anything before him.
Slice:It's a matter of some consequence.
Cadwell:I hide nothing from him—
Slice:If you like, but—
Cadwell: (interrupting Slice)Sir, in that case, I prefer not to know what you have to tell me.
Slice: As you prefer it thus, sir. In short, a widow lady of the finest quality—
Bendish: (aside)I can breathe again. For this we have courage.
Slice:A lady of quality, I tell you wishes to meet you in an hour.
Cadwell:Who is she?
Slice: Far from telling you her name, sir, you will not speak to her except on certain conditions—which perhaps you will not accept.
Cadwell:We must see.
Slice:Will you permit yourself to be blindfolded while I take you to her?Also, permit your hands to be tied?
Cadwell:Why all these precautions?
Slice: Sir, she wishes it so. You have too much wit, sir, not to see as well as I, that she intends to know the state of your heart before discovering herself to you. I say too much perhaps, and overstay my commission.
Cadwell:Are you something to her?
Slice:Sir, I have nothing to say to you about that.
Cadwell:I know who it is.
Slice:Perhaps.
Cadwell:Is she a brunette?
Slice:She could be.
Cadwell:Large green eyes?
Slice:Getting closer.
Cadwell:Mouth neither large nor small?
Slice:I say no more.
Cadwell:Pretty hand?
Slice:I won't reply.
Cadwell: Admirable teeth? The nose— Come, come, my boy, I know who she is. (to Bendish) Bendish, she's the one at the ball. Yes, it's she for sure. (to Slice) Yes, my boy, I will go. Yes, I will go, I tell you. Oho, there my friend, admit to me that I have discovered her. Doesn't she lodge near the Arsenal? Eh? If you please? Oh, I will go on my word. I've figured her out, right?
Slice: (hesitating to respond)Sir . . .
Cadwell: Oh, you are stupid, my poor heart, I am more clever than you. In what direction? At what time? You haven't said.
Slice:In an hour. From wherever you wish.
Cadwell:In the Palace Courtyard, in half an hour.
Slice:No, that's too soon.
Cadwell:Well, in an hour.
Slice:That's fine.
(Exit Slice)
Cadwell:It's Lady Julia—without a doubt.
Bendish:Oh, I believe it. But didn't you promise to have supper with Laura?
Cadwell: I will return. That doesn't worry me. What worries me is what I will do here for another hour. (looking at his watch) It's not yet— For me, I cannot remain here a minute longer. I have to do something.
Bendish: The time you employ doing nothing is the time you employ the least badly.
Cadwell:And you—you never are more witty than when I tell you to shut up.(Making Bendish examine his face) Tell me—how do I look? This jerkinappears to me to have a short waist. What do you think?
Bendish:Effectively,—I don't know. Yes, you're right.
Cadwell:Give me another.
Bendish:Which one?
Cadwell:Whichever you please. Bring me the one I wore yesterday.
Bendish:Fie!
Cadwell:Why?
Bendish:It won't go well with you. Keep this one.
Cadwell:I don't like it.
Bendish:The other one makes your shoulders too large.
Cadwell:Never mind.
Bendish:When you want something, you want it.
Cadwell:What talk! Are you going?
Bendish: (hesitating to reply)Sir?
Cadwell:What?
Bendish:You are going to be angry with me.
Cadwell:What's the scamp trying to say? Are you going to give me my jerkin?
Bendish: (half crying)Sir.
Cadwell:Well?
Bendish:I spilled tallow on it trying to clean it.
Cadwell:Where is it?
Bendish:I took it to have the grease taken off before I brought it back.
Cadwell:Go get it right away.
Bendish:Sir, it won't be ready.
Cadwell:Bring it to me in whatever condition it is.
Bendish:Sir.
Cadwell:What now? Will you go?
Bendish:Sir.
Cadwell:What now? Will you go?
Bendish: Sir, I must tell you the truth. I loaned it to a student for a tragedy.
Cadwell:My jerkin to a college boy? To a child?
Bendish: No, sir. He's a big fellow, handsome, well made—like you, and he plays the king in a tragedy.
Cadwell:Ah, truly, I am pleased to know that you loan my clothes. But themoment this tragedy is finished get it back the very instant. (SeeingBendish hesitate) What then? You won't do what I tell you?
Bendish: (hesitating)Sir?
Cadwell:Ah, I see what it is. You put it in pawn, correct?
Bendish: Sir, you've divined it. As you never give me my wages or advance money to me, I've had recourse to prompt expedients.
Cadwell:You will pay me for this, I promise you. Give me the red one, Bendish.(Bendish goes into Cadwell's room) But look at this little scoundrel.Put my clothes in pawn.
Bendish: (returning with a red jerkin and presenting it to Cadwell)Here it is.
Cadwell: (not putting on the jerkin that Bendish brings him but asking for different garments, as soon as they are brought) Ah, I know how to live, I assure you. Another wig. I will teach you to play such tricks. Another hat! But just watch and see, I beg you. A mirror. Who has ever heard of such a thing. A scamp that I have showered benefits on. The orange flower.— To abuse me so easily. Ah, you don't know me yet, I see that clearly. A handkerchief. You will repent, mark my words. (listening to rapping) Go open up. You will see a little the difference there is.
(Bendish opens the door and introduces Mr. Martin)
(Enter Martin, holding a scarf)
Bendish:Mr. Martin, your scarf—
Cadwell:Ah, Mr. Martin, your servant. You see me in a rage.
Martin:Sir, it's not my fault.
Cadwell: (to Bendish)Will you take this mirror? (Bendish holds the mirror for him)
Martin:I've come—
Cadwell:I am very glad to know you—
Martin:I'm in despair—
Cadwell: (to Bendish)I jut remembered.
Martin:I must tell you—
Cadwell: (to Bendish)A cad—
Martin: (astonished)Sir!
Cadwell:An insolent—
Martin:Sir!
Cadwell:An impudent.
Martin:Sir.
Cadwell:A rogue, a cheat—
Martin:Oh, sir!
Cadwell:Don't you see that I am talking to this scoundrel!
Bendish: (low to Martin)Want to be in it for half?
Martin: (low to Bendish)No, I won't play such a rotten game.
Cadwell: (to Bendish)I believe you are joking
Bendish: (pointing to Martin)Ask if I haven't spoken—
Cadwell: (to Martin)There, let's see. Do you have my scarf?
Martin: (displaying the scarf)Here it is.
Cadwell: (examining it)It's very pretty. How much did you pay him?
Martin: This morning a masked lady in a chaise came to my shop to purchase it from me. It was only ten o'clock. I believed that you would not be awake. Another lady, also masked paid my wife for it. My wife went out. A third purchased it from my daughter. What shall I do with this money? I don't know who gave it to me?
Cadwell:Make me two more scarves.
Martin:Same kind?
Cadwell:No, different. You have some wit, to adjust things like that.
Martin:Fine, sir, you will have them in the morning.
(Exit Martin)
Bendish: Sir, in favor of so many scarves, won't you pardon me for a little jerkin?
Cadwell: I will pardon you, but if ever in your life—I am going to spend a few minutes with this little shop girl near here, waiting for the hour.
Bendish:Shall I go to find you?
Cadwell:No, I have no need of you. I must be alone. Didn't they say that?
(Exit Cadwell)
Bendish: Plague! At least I wasn't so stupid as to give him the jerkin he asked for! It's a lucky jerkin for lucky men. They usually are employed in great matters, and I intend to use it in a great affair. For once in my life I intend to know what it is to be a man of fortune. I already know how to ogle, as for small talk I know that. I have only to dress quickly. (taking Cadwell's clothes from an armoire, and dressing with difficulty for Cadwell's clothes are a bit tight) Oh, let's begin with this divine jerkin. Plague! It's tight. Oh, who cares! A snip with the scissors and two or three stitches with a needle are no great matter. All right hips—get smaller. No good. What's the difference. I will say that they brought it this way. You will see that I will start a fashion of high hips. I have been seen before with big shoulders and elbows in arrear. Here's a jerkin which seems very easy for me to put on. These cursed tailors put the buttons so far from the button holes. I will burst. Well, who would not suffer for good luck. Was ever a man better dressed? Large head, small waist, low hips. Dammit, I intend to forget that Cadwell exists. Damnation, I almost forgot the best part. Orange flower water. Can one have good fortune without orange flower water? (he takes a flask from the toilet and sprays himself) It seems to me I have all the attributes of a lucky man. God protect us from mishap!
Jenny: Where the devil is Olivia? Where is Worthy? Worthy hasn't returned yet. What is all this? On my oath, I am going crazy? I take this business to heart worse than if it were my own.
(Enter Worthy)
Jenny:Eh! Where are you coming from?
Worthy:I've been to Arabella and then Selina.
Jenny:To do what?
Worthy: To bring them to witness the comedy. Didn't you tell me it was necessary for them to be present to prevent Laura from relapsing?
Jenny:Yes, but it's more important to know if the comedy is going to go on.
Worthy: Since Slice hasn't returned, all is going well. He's thought of everything without a doubt.
Jenny: (derisively)Oh, there, there, everything's going fine. Nothing could spoil it.
Worthy:What's Laura doing?
Jenny: Oh, my word. She's quite resolved never to see Cadwell again if he falls into the trap.
(Enter Slice)Slice:Sir?
Worthy:Ah, you here? Well?
Jenny:What have you done?
Slice: He's undoing himself. He's sure he knows the imaginary person I told him of. I didn't want to undeceive him since he's so sure of it.
Jenny:He's going to let you blindfold him?
Slice:Everything, I tell you.
Jenny:Ah, the funny dodo. His name will become famous.
Slice:He will meet me in the Park in a few minutes.
Worthy: It isn't far. Better for you to wait for him. Hurry! Have you a carriage?
Slice:I've everything that's necessary.
Jenny:If by chance he tries to tear off his blindfold?
Slice:Don't worry about anything. Two of us will prevent him.
Jenny:Get going, then.
(Exit Slice, then enter Laura and Olivia)
Laura: (to Jenny)Well—is he coming then?
Jenny:Yes, madam.
Laura:On the conditions imposed on him?
Jenny:Yes, madam.
Laura:I have trouble believing it.
Worthy:It's your tenderness speaking for him again, madam.
Laura:Don't speak of tenderness anymore, Worthy. But permit me to doubt whatI haven't seen.
Worthy:Do you really need this additional proof, after all that has passed?
Laura: My God, Worthy, I am not taking his side. But still all that's happened doesn't absolutely prove he's guilty.
Olivia:My brother always persists at the wrong time.
Laura:Not at all, madam, and we cannot both be right.
Jenny:The silly goose will not give up his intrigues.
Laura:Shut up, Jenny. These jokes don't please me, understand?
(Enter Arabella and Selina)
Laura: Ah, ladies, I am delighted to see you here. You couldn't come at a better time.
Arabella: (to Laura)Why, madam?
Selina:Eh? How's that madam?
Jenny:We are going to trap a goose. Don't say anything.
Laura: (to Arabella)And above all, you, madam.
Arabella:If it's something regarding Cadwell, as Worthy told me, (pointing toSelina) this lady can take a greater part than I.
Olivia:Selina is also a rival of Laura's?
Selina:Me? I don't know what they're talking about?
Jenny: Come, come, madam, admit the debt. There's no one here Cadwell has not deceived.
Worthy:Truly, it merits a public punishment.
Laura: You don't take it badly, sir. But if things don't work out as you plan won't his glory be greater?
Selina:I don't know what to say about it at all.
Olivia: (pulling Selina into a corner)I am going to instruct you, madam.
Laura:But, madam, if Cadwell doesn't come what good is it?
Jenny:Well! What a misfortune! Madam, is not an interested party?
Arabella: (going to Selina and Olivia) I intend to know all about this, too. They've told me quite imperfectly.
(The three talk)
Laura: (to Worthy)Worthy, the hour's passing. Cadwell, isn't coming. I admit to you thatI won't be angry if he makes fun of you.
Worthy: At least I will have the consolation of knowing he deserves the tenderness you have for him, madam. But I don't see anything to make you hopeful. It is not yet time.
(Olivia, Arabella, and Selina join Worthy and Laura)
Arabella: (to Olivia)Really, this is very pleasant.
Olivia:Will he be stupid enough to chance it?
Jenny:Oh, indeed yes.
Laura: I doubt it, Jenny. A man with the character you ascribe to him would be more careful.
Jenny: Unless another woman holds him off, I cannot conceive what would restrain him.
Laura:Worthy, he's not coming. (to Olivia) Madam, he's not coming. (ToSelina) Madam, do you believe he will come?
Selina:I truly don't know, madam.
Jenny:At the beginning, didn't he keep every rendez-vous you gave him?
Selina:Oh, shut up, Jenny. I am angry with myself.
Olivia: (hearing someone enter)I hear a noise.
(Enter Slice)
Slice:Snuff the lights.
(Jenny snuffs the lights)
Laura: (aside)I am lost.
Slice:My men are keeping him in the antechamber. Shall he be brought in?
Laura: Yes, let him come in. I intend to see him. Who will speak to him? I admit I lack the strength to do it myself.
Worthy: Is there need to speak to him? Aren't you satisfied madam? Besides, he knows your voice.
Jenny: Doesn't he know the voices of all the ladies here? By heart, by all the devils! This is the worst of it. Wait—I can change my voice. Let him enter. Do you wish it, madam?
Laura:Do what you wish.
(Slice brings in Bendish dressed like his master, blindfolded)
Slice: (to Bendish)We are entered into her apartment. You have only to wait to be happy.
Bendish: I've been here before, my boy. I assure you that it is only out of consideration for you, and because I don't wish you to lose your promised reward, that I am not at this very moment calming two irritated mistresses.
Slice: I am much obliged to you. Remember, that the least effort you make to see madam may cost you your life.
Bendish: Oh, I am not worried. Come, come, my friend, I am accustomed to these types of adventures, and we have brought off more perilous ones than this.
Slice:You are at present in her boudoir, and I leave you alone with her.
Jenny: (low to all but Slice and Bendish)Silence, don't make the least noise.
Bendish: (aside)Watch out for trouble!
Jenny: (aside)Nice beginning.
Bendish:Well, angel, here I am.
Laura: (aside)The traitor!
Jenny: Keep such sweet talk for when you know me better. Listen before responding to the things I have to say to you.
Bendish: Plague! You take me for a great fool! I intend to prove to you I merit the choice your heart has made. For I believe you didn't send for me to tell me you hate me.
Jenny:You won't know my true feelings if you don't clear up the uncertaintyI am in at once.
Bendish: Come, my little heart, my queen, let's not amuse ourselves with twaddle. Look at these stooping airs, this figure. When we know each other a little better I will ogle you.
Laura: (aside)This cannot be Cadwell!
Arabella: (aside, half voice)No, surely not.
Bendish:Who just said I am not Cadwell. You lied.
Olivia: (low to Worthy)Brother, it isn't him.
Worthy: (low)I don't know what to make of it.
Selina (low)It's not him.
Jenny: (to Laura in a half voice)Madam, it's Bendish.
Bendish:What do you mean, Bendish. Who's that then, my little friend?
Jenny: (low to Laura)It's him, madam.
Worthy: (half voice)A stick.
Bendish:What do you mean a stick? Madam, I will dishonor you.
(Jenny looks for and finds a stick)
Worthy:Quickly!
(Jenny beats Bendish with the stick)
Bendish: (trying to get off his blindfold)Assault! Again? Oh, murder. They're trying to assassinate me.
Worthy:What rogue! Are you playing with us?
Laura:Well, wasn't I right? Come Worthy, stop deluding yourself. Cadwellloves me and to mock you better he sends his valet. (to Arabella andSelina) What do you say ladies?
Arabella:I say it isn't astonishing, for he's never been caught in his life.
Laura: (to Selina)And you, madam?
Selina:That he will repent.
Olivia: (to Laura)For myself, I say nothing.
Jenny:And I, I always said he was a clever cheat.
Worthy: There's something in this that I don't understand, but I will soon find out. (To Bendish) Will you talk?
Bendish: (hesitating)Sir?
Worthy:Come on, quickly.
Bendish: (still hesitating)Sir?
Worthy: (putting his hand on his sword and menacing him)I will kill you.
Bendish: (throwing himself on his knees)Spare a lucky man.
Worthy:Come on, now, admit it. What do you say about all this?
Bendish: (hesitating and getting up)Whatever you wish, sir.
Worthy:Well?
Bendish: The curiosity to be a lucky man and the ease that I found in playing the role of one, made me try,—as you see.
Worthy:Ah, rogue! And how did you do it?
Bendish: I told my master the rendez-vous was changed to ten p.m. and I came at nine in his place.
Worthy:Then it still isn't ruined. It's not quite ten o'clock. Slice, go backto the Park. You've taken the valet for the master. You will findCadwell— Bring him as you did this one.
Slice:If I find him, I will be back here in no time.
(Exit Slice)
Worthy:Madam, Cadwell will not be so faithful as you imagine.
Laura: (to Bendish)Bendish, do you think he will come?
Bendish: Madam, I don't know anything about it. But if in my life, I get lucky—
Jenny: (interrupting him)Things don't always succeed.
Bendish: Experience makes me doubt a bit. But at least I know the rap that rapped me so distinctly. If it's this little rapper, she's devilishly strong.
Jenny:It was me. I ought to have done it to you a long time ago.
Bendish:I thank you for your favors.
Arabella: (to Laura) If Cadwell's going to come we won't be long in knowing. The Park isn't far from here.
Selina: I will be very irritated not to see the end of this adventure, although I preferred him to a person who wasn't very disagreeable.
Laura: (to Jenny)Jenny, see if someone isn't coming down there.
Bendish:I will go to hurry him if you wish, madam.
Worthy: (to Laura)Madam, don't let him leave, if you please.
Laura: (to Jenny)Someone's coming now.
(Jenny goes to the door)
Bendish: (aside)I see that he won't be here too soon.
Jenny: (returning) Madam, (to Laura) our man sent me to tell you he will be here in a moment. He's taking several detours so he cannot judge the distance.
Laura: Come on, it's over. I will be absolutely cured, and I think I will never speak to him again in my life.
Selina: Although you'd like a confession from me, know that I have more fortitude than you and that I have forgotten him more easily than I came to love him.
Arabella:As for me, I haven't got such a strong soul.
Selina: (to Olivia)But you, madam, he loves you.
Olivia:Like the others.
Bendish: I assure you that you are the only woman in the world of whom I never heard him say a bad thing.
Laura:And of me, Bendish?
Bendish:Oh, for you, he loves you, madam.
Laura: Who can doubt it after this. I am going to speak to him myself. I won't bother to change my voice.
Worthy:Madam.
Laura: (interrupting him)I beg you, let me do it. I intend to speak to him. (to Olivia,Arabella, and Selina making them sit in a corner) Ladies, be seated.(to Worthy, also placing him to the side) Worthy, you sit back, too.
Worthy:Tell Bendish to be silent.
Bendish: I don't intend to say a word. (to Laura) Do you treat all lucky men the way I was treated?
Laura:It is only a traitor who deserves it, a liar like your master.
Bendish:I will have my revenge.
Jenny: (low to Laura, leading in Cadwell)Madam, here he is.
Laura:Everybody retire.
(All go to their places. Jenny and Bendish beside each other. EnterCadwell blindfolded.)
Laura: (to Cadwell in a disguised voice) Here's an adventure that resembles those in a novel. Sir, I believe you won't find the precautions I have taken bad. Your reputation is bad enough as regards women so that I cannot see you otherwise. Nature, which perhaps has not protected me very well, engages me to know the state of your heart before disclosing mine. Some attentions paid to me persuade me that I am pretty, that I have wit, that I am always done justice. I've never found it in me to make a man unfaithful to his beloved. Even when my vanity flatters me to the point of making me believe I could, the goodness of my heart dissuades me from doing it. My pleasures do not augment from the shame of others. Nor does a false one cease to be false. Speak then sincerely, if you can. Are you free?
Cadwell: You will judge my sincerity by the confession you are about to hear. I don't have a free heart, madam. I don't wish to deceive you: I'm in love and I have been for a long time. You see at least that my behaviour gives the lie to the reputation ascribed to me.
Worthy: (low to Olivia)He recognizes her.
Olivia:Shut up.
Laura:You love, Cadwell? For a long time you say?
Cadwell:Yes, I love, madam. And with a love that will end only with my life.
Laura: But this so tender love—isn't it offended by the steps you are taking?
Cadwell:I will have a hard time telling you what made me come here.
Laura: Really, I don't know how to stop myself from praising you. If I cannot win you at least I have the pleasure of knowing you are not such as you have been painted. But Cadwell, can I obtain the bounty from you at the price of my tenderness?