Page.Nay, do not fly; I think we have watch’d you now:Will none but Herne the hunter serve your turn?Mrs Page.I pray you, come, hold up the jest no higher.Now, good Sir John, how like you Windsor wives?105See youthese, husband? do not thesefair yokesBecome the forest better than the town?Ford.Now, sir, who’s a cuckold now? Master Brook, Falstaff’s a knave, a cuckoldly knave; here are his horns, Master Brook: and, Master Brook, he hath enjoyed nothing110of Ford’s but his buck-basket, his cudgel, and twenty pounds of money, which must bepaid to Master Brook; his horses are arrested for it, Master Brook.Mrs Ford.Sir John, we have had ill luck; we could never meet. I will never take you for my love again; but115I will always count you my deer.Fal.I do begin to perceive that I am made an ass.Ford.Ay, and an ox too: both the proofs are extant.Fal.And these are not fairies? I was three or four times in the thought they were not fairies: and yet the120guiltiness of my mind,the suddensurprise of my powers, drove the grossness of the foppery into a received belief, in despite of the teeth of all rhyme and reason, that they were fairies. See now how wit may be made a Jack-a-Lent, when ’tis upon ill employment!V. 5.125Evans.Sir John Falstaff, serve Got, and leave your desires, and fairies will not pinse you.Ford.Well said, fairy Hugh.Evans.And leave you your jealousies too, I pray you.Ford.I will never mistrust my wife again, till thou art130able to woo her in good English.Fal.Have I laid my brain in the sun, and dried it, that it wants matter to prevent so gross o’erreaching as this?Am I ridden with a Welsh goat too? shall I have a coxcomb of frize? Tis time I were choked with a piece of135toasted cheese.Evans.Seese is not good to give putter; yourpellyis all putter.Fal.‘Seese’ and ’putter’! have I lived to stand at the taunt of one that makes fritters of English? This is enough140to be the decay of lust and late-walking through the realm.Mrs Page.Why, Sir John, do you think, though we would have thrust virtue out of our hearts by the head and shoulders, and have given ourselves without scruple to hell, that ever the devil could have made you our delight?145Ford.What, a hodge-pudding? a bag of flax?Mrs Page.A puffed man?Page.Old, cold, withered, and of intolerable entrails?Ford.And one that isas slanderousas Satan?Page.And as poor as Job?V. 5.150Ford.And as wicked as his wife?Evans.And given to fornications, and to taverns,and sack, and wine, and metheglins, and to drinkings, and swearings, andstarings, pribbles and prabbles?Fal.Well, I am your theme: you have the start of155me; I am dejected; I am not able to answer the Welsh flannel; ignorance itselfis a plummet o’er me: use me as you will.Ford.Marry, sir, we’ll bring you to Windsor, to one Master Brook, that you have cozened of money, to whom160you should have been a pander: over and above that youhave suffered, I think to repay that money will be a biting affliction.Page.Yet be cheerful, knight: thou shalt eat a posset to-night at my house; where I will desire thee to laugh at165my wife, that now laughs at thee: tell her Master Slender hath married her daughter.Mrs Page.[Aside]Doctors doubt that: if Anne Page be my daughter, she is, by this, Doctor Caius’ wife.EnterSlender.Slen.Whoa, ho! ho, father Page!170Page.Son, how now! how now, son! have you dispatched?Slen.Dispatched!—I’ll make the best in Gloucestershire know on’t; would I were hanged, la, else!Page.Of what, son?V. 5.175Slen.I came yonder at Eton to marry Mistress Anne Page, and she’s a great lubberly boy. If it had not beeni’ thechurch, I would have swinged him, or he should have swinged me. If I did not think it had been Anne Page, would I might never stir!—and ’tis a postmaster’s boy.180Page.Upon my life, then, you took the wrong.Slen.What need you tell me that? I think so, when I took a boy for a girl. If I had been married to him, for all he was in woman’s apparel, I would not have had him.Page.Why, this is your own folly. Did not I tell you185how you should know my daughter by her garments?Slen.I went to her inwhite, and cried ‘mum,’ and she cried ‘budget,’ as Anne and I had appointed; and yet it was not Anne, but a postmaster’s boy.Mrs Page.GoodGeorge, be not angry: I knew of190your purpose; turned my daughterintogreen; and, indeed, she is now with the doctor at the deanery, and there married.EnterCaius.Caius.Vere is Mistress Page? By gar, I am cozened: I ha’ marriedun garçon, a boy;un paysan, by gar, aboy; it195is not Anne Page: by gar, I am cozened.Mrs Page.Why,did youtake her ingreen?Caius.Ay, by gar, and ’tis a boy: by gar, I’ll raise all Windsor.Exit.Ford.This is strange. Who hath got the right Anne?V. 5.200Page.My heart misgives me:—here comes Master Fenton.EnterFentonandAnne Page.How now, Master Fenton!Anne.Pardon, good father! good my mother, pardon!Page.Now, mistress, how chance you went not with205Master Slender?Mrs Page.Why went you not with master doctor, maid?Fent.You do amaze her: hear the truth of it.You would have married her most shamefully,Where there was no proportion held in love.210The truth is, she and I, long since contracted,Are now so sure that nothing can dissolve us.The offence is holy that she hath committed;And this deceit loses the name of craft,Of disobedience, or unduteoustitle;215Since therein she doth evitate and shunA thousand irreligious cursed hours,Which forced marriage would have brought upon her.Ford.Stand not amazed; here is no remedy:In love the heavens themselves do guide the state;220Money buys lands, and wives are sold by fate.Fal.I am glad, though you have ta’en a special stand to strike at me, that your arrow hath glanced.Page.Well, what remedy? Fenton, heaven give thee joy!V. 5.225What cannot be eschew’d must be embraced.Fal.When night-dogs run, all sorts of deer are chased.Mrs Page.Well, I will muse no further. Master Fenton,Heaven give you many, many merry days!Good husband, let us every one go home,230And laugh this sport o’er by a country fire;Sir John and all.Ford.Let it be so. Sir John,To Master Brook you yet shall hold your word;For he to-night shall lie with Mistress Ford.Exeunt.
Page.Nay, do not fly; I think we have watch’d you now:Will none but Herne the hunter serve your turn?
Page.Nay, do not fly; I think we have watch’d you now:
Will none but Herne the hunter serve your turn?
Mrs Page.I pray you, come, hold up the jest no higher.Now, good Sir John, how like you Windsor wives?105See youthese, husband? do not thesefair yokesBecome the forest better than the town?
Mrs Page.I pray you, come, hold up the jest no higher.
Now, good Sir John, how like you Windsor wives?
105See youthese, husband? do not thesefair yokes
Become the forest better than the town?
Ford.Now, sir, who’s a cuckold now? Master Brook, Falstaff’s a knave, a cuckoldly knave; here are his horns, Master Brook: and, Master Brook, he hath enjoyed nothing110of Ford’s but his buck-basket, his cudgel, and twenty pounds of money, which must bepaid to Master Brook; his horses are arrested for it, Master Brook.
Mrs Ford.Sir John, we have had ill luck; we could never meet. I will never take you for my love again; but115I will always count you my deer.
Fal.I do begin to perceive that I am made an ass.
Ford.Ay, and an ox too: both the proofs are extant.
Fal.And these are not fairies? I was three or four times in the thought they were not fairies: and yet the120guiltiness of my mind,the suddensurprise of my powers, drove the grossness of the foppery into a received belief, in despite of the teeth of all rhyme and reason, that they were fairies. See now how wit may be made a Jack-a-Lent, when ’tis upon ill employment!
V. 5.125Evans.Sir John Falstaff, serve Got, and leave your desires, and fairies will not pinse you.
Ford.Well said, fairy Hugh.
Evans.And leave you your jealousies too, I pray you.
Ford.I will never mistrust my wife again, till thou art130able to woo her in good English.
Fal.Have I laid my brain in the sun, and dried it, that it wants matter to prevent so gross o’erreaching as this?
Am I ridden with a Welsh goat too? shall I have a coxcomb of frize? Tis time I were choked with a piece of135toasted cheese.
Evans.Seese is not good to give putter; yourpellyis all putter.
Fal.‘Seese’ and ’putter’! have I lived to stand at the taunt of one that makes fritters of English? This is enough140to be the decay of lust and late-walking through the realm.
Mrs Page.Why, Sir John, do you think, though we would have thrust virtue out of our hearts by the head and shoulders, and have given ourselves without scruple to hell, that ever the devil could have made you our delight?
145Ford.What, a hodge-pudding? a bag of flax?
Mrs Page.A puffed man?
Page.Old, cold, withered, and of intolerable entrails?
Ford.And one that isas slanderousas Satan?
Page.And as poor as Job?
V. 5.150Ford.And as wicked as his wife?
Evans.And given to fornications, and to taverns,and sack, and wine, and metheglins, and to drinkings, and swearings, andstarings, pribbles and prabbles?
Fal.Well, I am your theme: you have the start of155me; I am dejected; I am not able to answer the Welsh flannel; ignorance itselfis a plummet o’er me: use me as you will.
Ford.Marry, sir, we’ll bring you to Windsor, to one Master Brook, that you have cozened of money, to whom160you should have been a pander: over and above that youhave suffered, I think to repay that money will be a biting affliction.
Page.Yet be cheerful, knight: thou shalt eat a posset to-night at my house; where I will desire thee to laugh at165my wife, that now laughs at thee: tell her Master Slender hath married her daughter.
Mrs Page.[Aside]Doctors doubt that: if Anne Page be my daughter, she is, by this, Doctor Caius’ wife.
Slen.Whoa, ho! ho, father Page!
170Page.Son, how now! how now, son! have you dispatched?
Slen.Dispatched!—I’ll make the best in Gloucestershire know on’t; would I were hanged, la, else!
Page.Of what, son?
V. 5.175Slen.I came yonder at Eton to marry Mistress Anne Page, and she’s a great lubberly boy. If it had not beeni’ thechurch, I would have swinged him, or he should have swinged me. If I did not think it had been Anne Page, would I might never stir!—and ’tis a postmaster’s boy.
180Page.Upon my life, then, you took the wrong.
Slen.What need you tell me that? I think so, when I took a boy for a girl. If I had been married to him, for all he was in woman’s apparel, I would not have had him.
Page.Why, this is your own folly. Did not I tell you185how you should know my daughter by her garments?
Slen.I went to her inwhite, and cried ‘mum,’ and she cried ‘budget,’ as Anne and I had appointed; and yet it was not Anne, but a postmaster’s boy.
Mrs Page.GoodGeorge, be not angry: I knew of190your purpose; turned my daughterintogreen; and, indeed, she is now with the doctor at the deanery, and there married.
Caius.Vere is Mistress Page? By gar, I am cozened: I ha’ marriedun garçon, a boy;un paysan, by gar, aboy; it195is not Anne Page: by gar, I am cozened.
Mrs Page.Why,did youtake her ingreen?
Caius.Ay, by gar, and ’tis a boy: by gar, I’ll raise all Windsor.Exit.
Ford.This is strange. Who hath got the right Anne?
V. 5.200Page.My heart misgives me:—here comes Master Fenton.
How now, Master Fenton!
Anne.Pardon, good father! good my mother, pardon!
Page.Now, mistress, how chance you went not with205Master Slender?
Mrs Page.Why went you not with master doctor, maid?
Fent.You do amaze her: hear the truth of it.You would have married her most shamefully,Where there was no proportion held in love.210The truth is, she and I, long since contracted,Are now so sure that nothing can dissolve us.The offence is holy that she hath committed;And this deceit loses the name of craft,Of disobedience, or unduteoustitle;215Since therein she doth evitate and shunA thousand irreligious cursed hours,Which forced marriage would have brought upon her.
Fent.You do amaze her: hear the truth of it.
You would have married her most shamefully,
Where there was no proportion held in love.
210The truth is, she and I, long since contracted,
Are now so sure that nothing can dissolve us.
The offence is holy that she hath committed;
And this deceit loses the name of craft,
Of disobedience, or unduteoustitle;
215Since therein she doth evitate and shun
A thousand irreligious cursed hours,
Which forced marriage would have brought upon her.
Ford.Stand not amazed; here is no remedy:In love the heavens themselves do guide the state;220Money buys lands, and wives are sold by fate.
Ford.Stand not amazed; here is no remedy:
In love the heavens themselves do guide the state;
220Money buys lands, and wives are sold by fate.
Fal.I am glad, though you have ta’en a special stand to strike at me, that your arrow hath glanced.
Page.Well, what remedy? Fenton, heaven give thee joy!V. 5.225What cannot be eschew’d must be embraced.
Page.Well, what remedy? Fenton, heaven give thee joy!
V. 5.225What cannot be eschew’d must be embraced.
Fal.When night-dogs run, all sorts of deer are chased.
Mrs Page.Well, I will muse no further. Master Fenton,Heaven give you many, many merry days!Good husband, let us every one go home,230And laugh this sport o’er by a country fire;Sir John and all.
Mrs Page.Well, I will muse no further. Master Fenton,
Heaven give you many, many merry days!
Good husband, let us every one go home,
230And laugh this sport o’er by a country fire;
Sir John and all.
Ford.Let it be so. Sir John,To Master Brook you yet shall hold your word;For he to-night shall lie with Mistress Ford.
Ford.
Let it be so. Sir John,
To Master Brook you yet shall hold your word;
For he to-night shall lie with Mistress Ford.
Exeunt.