FOOTNOTES

Dash’d with his Suite for Santarem that Night.

25At the close of the American War, such a number of Officers retired so astonishingly enriched, that it is imagined it excited the jealousy of Government. Hence enquiries and investigations were made; means were taken to put a stop to such iniquitous practices; and His Royal Highness, the Commander-in-Chief, has since taken measures to put an effectual termination to such disgraceful conduct.

I speak from authority when I assert, that when the Peace of 1783 took place, one Military Officer retired to his own Country (a Sister Kingdom) with the enormous Sum of £190,000, when the income arising from his Regimental Commission, together with his Staff situation, could not have been equal to £1000 a-year. He was seven years on service in America.

26It is certainly a gross imposition on the Public, but falls particularly heavy on the Naval and Military departments.

27The Officer whose gallantry took a praam in Boulogne Harbour, in sight of Buonaparte.

28We have seen M——rs of P——t driving to places, and scrutinizing into matters that did not concern them; when, had they turned their active powers to the circumstances above mentioned, they at least would have obtained more credit, and perhaps not have subjected themselves to a disgraceful defeat and general contempt.

29It has been whispered, that strange means were resorted to in order to get at the opinions of men in high rank, respecting the operations on the Peninsula. I own I do not credit the malicious story, but, as Sir John was conversant in state politics, I must leave him to form his own conjectures, and his directing his son to write typically might be defended.

30AtrueBill.

31Many ‘wise Men have come from the East,’ of late Years.

32The Right Honourable Sir Charles Stuart, K.B., &c. &c.

33Major-General Peacocke, of the Guards.

34The custom was introduced by H.R.H. the Duke of York, and is as follows: if any Officer, no matter the Rank he may hold, is desirous to pay a dutiful respect to the Commander of the Forces, or may have business to transact with His Royal Highness, he is directed to repair to the Horse-Guards at an early hour, on the day appointed for the Levee, and write down his Name and Rank in a list presented to him. He is then told at what hour the Duke commences his Levee, and according to the situation of the Signatures on the list, he is introduced.

A similar system is observed at the Offices of the Adjutant and Quarter-Master-General.

35I am afraid I expose my ignorance in making this remark; but, as I observed, those Gentlemen were not all dressed in the same kind of Uniform: (for instance, one in the Uniform of the Guards; another in the Uniform of some Militia Corps; a third, in the Uniform of a Light Regiment; but all with two blazing Epaulettes) I must own I was puzzled in endeavouring to account for this Masquerading.

36This has happened in a variety of instances; but particularly at the storming of St. Sebastian, where our Soldiers were seen arm in arm, Drunk, with the French Soldiers, and actually tumbling over the Bodies of their dead Companions.

37This is a melancholy truth. The immorality of the British Soldier is disgusting, and it is only by strict attention and severe discipline it is at all kept within bounds.

38The astonishing difficulties against which Lord Wellington had to struggle, from the disorganized state of his Army, may, in some respect, be understood by reverting to his Lordship’s General Orders. Three volumes are filled with recapitulations of General Courts-Martial.

39The handsome addition of Pay to General Officers is highly creditable to those who originally were the promoters of so well-timed a remuneration.

40I am but a poor Poet, and if I have taken the advantage in the invention of the wordachievancein this instance, I hope I may be excused, as we have instances of the richest Poets having done the same.

In respect to the term Grievance, I conceive it does not require explanation in our Military classes.

SEQUELTO THEMILITARY ADVENTURES OFJOHNNY NEWCOMEPART II

Johnlost no time, saw Guarda, and Almeida,Then rattled ’cross the Mountains to Freinada;In haste repaired to the great Chieftain’s Hall,To give his Letters, and to make his Call.John enter’d in, and in that temper found him,Diffusing ease and pleasure all around him.‘Your ardour,Newcome, much deserves requiting,‘To leave St. James’s Square and share our Fighting.‘Here, Aylmer! in next Orders let there be‘Newcome’s appointment, extraA. D. C.‘Well, what’s the fancy now, and what’s the Hoax?‘Our list of broken heads may please the Folks?‘If we’re successful, then ’tis mighty well;‘If not—by God! they send us all to Hell.’41‘Why, true, my Lord!’ says John, ‘it is well known‘That any small reverse will cast them down;‘But by success crown’d, our City Stumpers‘Will, with their Venison, swallow us in Bumpers.‘To talk of War, and Blood, no doubt is fine‘In a whole Skin—and that Skin full of Wine.’‘Why don’t they hand us out their Goods & Chattles?‘We should with much more pleasure Fight their Battles.‘But, as it is, I trust the next Campaign‘I shall drive all the Rascals out of Spain.‘Newcome, remember you’re attached to me:‘Good Morning now—you’ll find your way at Three.’Thus spoke the Noble Chief; in whom combin’dA sportive fancy, an immortal Mind—Who Pomp repell’d, and Pageantry of Show,And scorn’d the Homage, which from thence did flow;Simply attir’d, he sought th’ embattled Plain,}No studied Splendour, no refulgent Fame,}Could add one Bud of Laurel to his Name.}

Johnlost no time, saw Guarda, and Almeida,

Then rattled ’cross the Mountains to Freinada;

In haste repaired to the great Chieftain’s Hall,

To give his Letters, and to make his Call.

John enter’d in, and in that temper found him,

Diffusing ease and pleasure all around him.

‘Your ardour,Newcome, much deserves requiting,‘To leave St. James’s Square and share our Fighting.‘Here, Aylmer! in next Orders let there be‘Newcome’s appointment, extraA. D. C.‘Well, what’s the fancy now, and what’s the Hoax?‘Our list of broken heads may please the Folks?‘If we’re successful, then ’tis mighty well;‘If not—by God! they send us all to Hell.’41

‘Your ardour,Newcome, much deserves requiting,

‘To leave St. James’s Square and share our Fighting.

‘Here, Aylmer! in next Orders let there be

‘Newcome’s appointment, extraA. D. C.

‘Well, what’s the fancy now, and what’s the Hoax?

‘Our list of broken heads may please the Folks?

‘If we’re successful, then ’tis mighty well;

‘If not—by God! they send us all to Hell.’41

‘Why, true, my Lord!’ says John, ‘it is well known‘That any small reverse will cast them down;‘But by success crown’d, our City Stumpers‘Will, with their Venison, swallow us in Bumpers.‘To talk of War, and Blood, no doubt is fine‘In a whole Skin—and that Skin full of Wine.’

‘Why, true, my Lord!’ says John, ‘it is well known

‘That any small reverse will cast them down;

‘But by success crown’d, our City Stumpers

‘Will, with their Venison, swallow us in Bumpers.

‘To talk of War, and Blood, no doubt is fine

‘In a whole Skin—and that Skin full of Wine.’

‘Why don’t they hand us out their Goods & Chattles?‘We should with much more pleasure Fight their Battles.‘But, as it is, I trust the next Campaign‘I shall drive all the Rascals out of Spain.‘Newcome, remember you’re attached to me:‘Good Morning now—you’ll find your way at Three.’

‘Why don’t they hand us out their Goods & Chattles?

‘We should with much more pleasure Fight their Battles.

‘But, as it is, I trust the next Campaign

‘I shall drive all the Rascals out of Spain.

‘Newcome, remember you’re attached to me:

‘Good Morning now—you’ll find your way at Three.’

Thus spoke the Noble Chief; in whom combin’dA sportive fancy, an immortal Mind—Who Pomp repell’d, and Pageantry of Show,And scorn’d the Homage, which from thence did flow;Simply attir’d, he sought th’ embattled Plain,}No studied Splendour, no refulgent Fame,}Could add one Bud of Laurel to his Name.}

Thus spoke the Noble Chief; in whom combin’d

A sportive fancy, an immortal Mind—

Who Pomp repell’d, and Pageantry of Show,

And scorn’d the Homage, which from thence did flow;

Simply attir’d, he sought th’ embattled Plain,}

No studied Splendour, no refulgent Fame,}

Could add one Bud of Laurel to his Name.}

Johnny on Duty with his Chief.

This was an Honour rather unexpected,And John’s acknowledgments were not neglected.Congratulations flowed from all around—Such follows favour, whensoe’er it’s found.What ever Way he did his Footsteps bend,Johnny was sure to meet a hearty Friend.I’m High in Luck, such Friendships do accrue me—‘But when I was Sub, why no one knew me.’For John full well knew where the secret lay—Those were the Friendships of a Prosperous Day.Prosperity, like Poverty, you’ll find.Holds a strange influence o’er the Human Mind.On Memory’s42Compass are so adverse set,Remember, and, Remember to forget.John knew his Friends, & at what price he bought ’em,So nods, and How d’ye’s, gave to all that sought ’em.Now smiling Spring (such are Poetic Styles)Saluted John with her effulgent Smiles:This led him to commence his Operations,To make, as Dad advised, his Observations.Though for an A. D. C. the Chief did take him,Neither his sense, or judgment did forsake him.43When his Bucephœlus he got astride’Twas for more purposes than merely ride;Something picks up, which ever way he Steers,Making a proper use of Eyes, and Ears.Some Men have Eyes, and Ears, and yet you findThey merely see the Day, and hear the Wind;But ask them, and ’tis plain they do not knowWhat causes Light of Day, or Wind to Blow.John was a famous Horseman, and oft wentWith various Orders, by the Chieftain sent;Eager, and bold, he round the Country rode,True cut of Leicestershire, and Cattle good.At various times, with various Parties mixt,On different Objects his attention fixt;Saw all the Stations in his varying Courses,The Quarters, and Cantonments of the Forces;Artillery, Hospitals, Forage-yards, and Stores,Cavalry, Infantry, Light Troops, Caçadores;Made it his Business, took much pains and careTo ascertain the State in which each were:Dined with the Great, and mingled with their Minions,Treasur’d their observations, and opinions.As in the World those know each other bestWhere much familiarity’s the Test,A shallow Rogue may secret up a Comment,Or free expression of unguarded Moment;But urged by vanity, he can’t be Mute,And blabs to shew he’s Clever and Acute.Then wiser Folks, with very little Pains,Will undermine his Head, and pick his Brains.John angled well, and to his fullest Wish,Lured with the small, and took the largest Fish:Nor slacked his search, nor object did forget,’Till with rich Stores he’d fairly fill’d his Net.Sir John had often made a resolution,To speechify about the Constitution.He with the Livery stood in some repute,‘That there’s,’ ‘as how’s,’ ‘d’ye see’s,’ did just them suit.And then each day in Speech he bolder grew,And ’midst their Broils, shoved in a word, or two.But in the House, when he to speak arose,And would the labours of his mind disclose,When all was silent, every Muzzle Mum—He could not make a Speech—who made a Plum.But Johnny’s turn had kindled fresh his hopes,He’d now in Figures flourish, and in Tropes.This secret in his heart he’d closely pent;This it was led him wholly to consent,When John express’d his ardent wish againTo join Lord Wellington the next Campaign;This led him all his influence to use,That John might go, to send him Home the News;This led to giving John his strict directionsAbout his Scrutinizing and Inspections;To bid him earnestly take special careTo see the Troops, and write him what they were:Meaning on this to make a grand Oration,Both to astonish, and amaze the Nation.His adverse system too had not forgot—His Speech should hit like double-headed Shot.If seated snugly on the Treasury Bench,‘This mighty Force,’ yet did his friendsRetrench;But if on t’ other side he took his Post,‘This mighty Force,’th’ enormous sums it Cost.He culled high-sounding words too, for th’ occasion,Material, Bivouac, Demoralization.Yet poor Sir John, tho’ much he’d heard, and read,Felt still aware how treacherous was his Head;Tho’ yet he laboured like a Brewer’s Dray-Horse,’Twas but to Bother, and increase the Chaos.Tho’ battled hard some fixt idea to gain,No, not one particle would ere remain.A sudden brilliant thought, just then occurred,Which to accomplish he’d not be deterred.Then anxious on this darling object bent,Purchased a Seat for John in Parliament.Thus reinforc’d, he’d take up his Position—Johnny could give him Stores of Ammunition,And if deserted by his treacherous Mind,Johnny might snugly prompt him from behind.Our Knight now with redundancy of JoyHis thoughts communicated to his Boy,In haste indites a Letter to Sir John,Explaining every thing he would have done;Hoped with his aid, his object he’d complete—Wished him all happiness in his new Seat.‘Write, my dear John, as often as you can,‘But as we’re circumstanced, pursue this Plan,—‘The prying Folks my object now to pose is,‘So frame your Letter in a metamorphosis.‘One Letter you can straight direct to me—‘Another send to Ludgate, as the Key.‘That by this means we shall our secret smother,‘One can’t be understood, without the other.’’Twas odd enough that Johnny in his mindWas working at a plan of similar kind.Dad’s welcome News his spirits did elate,That he was now a Member of the State.New hopes were busy in his sanguine breast,Perhaps by th’ Speaker he might be addrest.Should he by chance some Gallant deed Achieve,He might th’ Honourable Speaker’s thanks receive.’Twas usual that, when Heroes took their Seat,A flowery flow of grateful thanks to meet.Whate’er John thought, he’d not point out a Flaw,The Speaker surely’d not offend the Law.His praise, so general, savour’d of Insanity,Tho’ often just—it flatter’d each one’s Vanity.Now in true earnest set about his Task,Followed old Dad’s advice and took the Mask.He knew in Martial Life that Truth no jest is,Their Courts of Honour were their Courts of Justice.He would, if possible, the Truth relate,Devoid of malice, naught extenuate.Dad would his secret keep, he could depend;As for himself, he meant not to offend:But should perchance his secret be let out,’Twas a mere Bagatelle to laugh about.Should he in Metaphoric style transposeMen into Beasts, or Parsons into Crows—Those who could be displeased he should disarm,His was mere trifling, really meant no harm;If, tho’ in his delineation free,It would be seen, ’twas mere necessity.At length his ardent object to pursue,A Schedule of his means he briefly drew,All that had come within his observation,And thus proceeded on with his Narration.‘By way of Introduction, you must know,‘It was, I think, but a few Years ago‘The Widow’s44intellects here were at a stand;‘Her Son then took to Farming of the Land.‘If there’s bad management, it always shows,‘’Twas out of Heart, and overrun with Crows.45‘Such a D——n’d flight of Crows did shocking harm—‘A few, we know, are useful to a Farm.‘The Squire,46’tis said, did naught but Eat, & Pray,‘Fearing his precious Soul might go astray.‘The Farm tho’ bad, and in such piteous case,‘Was situated in a lovely Place.‘The Air was charming, and the Soil was sound—‘No wonder Neighbours hanker’d for the Ground.‘So Foreign47Ants, and Locusts left their Station,‘With other Vermin from a distant Nation,‘Advanced in Hosts, and soon without controul,‘With little trouble occupied the whole.‘Fled to a Ship, the Squire the Canvas fills,‘To see a Farm he had at the Brazils:‘But he, before he boldly ventured forth,‘Wrote to his Friend, a Farmer48in the North;‘Trusting he would without delay determine‘To send some clever Chap to kill the Vermin:‘When that was done, he should return again,‘And so his loving Cousin did remain.‘The honest Man to whom he sent his Letter,‘A wealthy Farmer was, none could be better;‘He’d famous Implements, and famous Stock,49‘And truly was a Father to his Flock.‘His Shepherds,50Salesmen, Butchers, and his Stud,‘Were all well chosen, capitally good:‘His Stock51at times with wild vagaries tired him,‘But in their hearts they honour’d and admir’d him;‘One here and there would not from mischief keep—‘You find in every Flock, a few bad Sheep.‘This Letter52gave the Farmer much alarm—‘’Twas like enough they might infest his Farm.‘He’d send a Shepherd, who with little labour,‘Should clear the Lands of his poor frighten’d neighbour.‘So sent a Stock best suited for the Soil,‘Led by a Shepherd53from a Neighbouring Isle;‘Who wisely at the first a footing got,‘Then drove the Vermin from around that Spot;54‘Would, as ’tis said, completed soon the job,—‘Spite, like a Thief, did from his Laurels rob.‘Two elder Shepherds55came—and what was hard,‘With their D——n’d nonsense all his projects mar’d.‘If they were sent his active powers to fetter,‘Of those who did it, less that’s said the better.‘Ere since that time he’s toil’d both Night and Day,‘And from this Farm the Vermin clear’d away.‘Pre-eminently now he stands alone,‘Lov’d, and obey’d by all as Chief Patrone;‘In manners easy, wonderful in Mind,‘Jocose, familiar with the humblest Hind.56‘But that’s so wisely temper’d, so superior,‘Commanding due respect from each Inferior.‘His Shepherds57tho’ have caused him much anxiety,‘Such numbers sent from Home, and such variety;‘Some from all Countries, German, Irish, British—‘Some staid enough, but many Cursed skittish:‘Many from Envy—rancorous, and jealous,‘Esteem’d themselves most mighty clever Fellows,‘Would mar the Scheme that he’d so ably planned,‘Had he not held them with a steady Hand.‘Some swore he always studied to insult them,‘There peep’d the Cloven foot—he’d not consult them.‘He wisely judged, and smiled at the attack—‘He knew the whole concern was on his Back:‘Had things gone wrong, he knew so well their trim,‘Done what he would, they’d shoved the Blame on Him.‘Lots of Young Shepherds came, and it a fact is,‘Some Prudence wanted, but all wanted Practice.‘So proud to tend a Flock, they’d scorn denial,‘The Patron therefore took them all58on Trial:‘Kept those with him he thought most apt to learn,‘The others recommended to return.‘Now, my good Friend, ’tis thus the matter stands,‘No farmer can produce more able Hands.‘One more Patron59also, there will be found‘Who60Farms exclusively this Bit of Ground.‘Of him I cannot speak, I know him not,‘You’ll get his Character from Walter Scott:‘Of his pretensions I am in the Dark,‘But Folks pronounce him a D——n’d lucky Spark.‘That wond’rous Poet’s praise I can’t him grudge,‘As Mr. Scott must be a better judge.‘A largish Family our Chief attends,‘Two, or three Shepherds,61he retains his Friends.‘One that inspects the Roads, the Lands Survey,}‘Marks out the Pens, for fear the Herds might Stray,}‘Esteem’d a much superior Fellow in his Way.}‘Another62has the charge of his Accounts,‘Corrects the Bills, and adds up the Amounts:‘A third,63his Private matters does indite,—‘They’re both extremely Clever, and Polite.‘Then he’s a numerous Gang of Shepherd Boys,64‘Some go on errands, others kept as Toys.‘One Youth65amidst this lively Group appears,‘Victim to Miscreants in his early Years,‘Nobly came forth to act an humble part,‘T’ obtain a knowledge of the Farming Art:‘Fearless encounters Danger and Disaster,‘To be the Pupil of so great a Master.‘A Youth like him to every virtue prone,‘Britannia’s lovely Gem must make her own.‘Then shoals of Salesmen,66travelling in all Weathers,‘You know them by their Spur, long Swords, and Feathers.‘Smuggling, ’tis said, is grown to such a Pitch,‘That all these Feather’d Rogues are getting Rich.‘But Folks say any thing for the sake of chatter—‘I don’t believe a word about the matter:‘If in their course of Duty, and Employment,‘A Hare pick up, by way of some enjoyment,‘That’s quite enough to give the Rogues a Name—‘“See, these D——n’d Salesmen! why, they live on Game!”‘Then here’s a swarm of Butchers,67great and small,‘Some for the Carcase, others for the Stall.‘One Master Butcher68o’er the rest presides,‘And with the Patron usually resides:‘Their Journeymen, Apprentices, and Men,‘Distributed among each Flock and Pen.69‘’Tis wisely done to have them on the Spot,‘To keep them free from Murrain, and the Rot:‘Dexterous they are, and in their judgment sound,‘To amputate a Limb, and cure a Wound.‘Our Worthy, good Patron, with grief it fills‘To send the Farmer Home their Monstrous Bills.70‘Much as he likes the Chase—it does him shock‘To see so many worried of his Flock.‘In their Profession admirably skilled;‘That Arm, no doubt, could not be better filled.‘Skilful as they extract, and Bleed, and Cup,‘I hope my worthy Friends won’t Cut me up.‘Our Patron too, has got a Lot of Dogs71‘To clear the Woods and Fences, Fields and Bogs:‘They’re chiefly Pointers, but of various sorts—‘Some Guard the Flocks, others for Field Sports.‘They’re wond’rous docile, so well Broke, and Tame,‘Whene’er they point, they’re certain of their Game.‘Many attach’d to Herds72—but all have Marks,‘The Deep-toned,73Wide-mouth’d ones are kept in Parks.‘Steady, and staunch, whene’er the Huntsman calls,‘They follow up the Game, nor heed Stone Walls.‘The Master Huntsman74is a Man well known‘To be in favour with the great Patron.‘And then his underlings75of every sort,‘Are Keen, and able Fellows for the Sport.‘Added to these, should Flocks or Herds run riot,‘There’s Whippers-in76enough to keep them quiet.‘The various Stock is parcelled with precision,‘So many Herds are put in each Division.‘The Flocks of Sheep, & Droves of Mules & Goats,77‘Distinguished are by Marks upon their Coats.‘The Mules are in one Drove, and altogether,‘They’re chiefly Stalled, or fastened to a Tether:‘Tho’ famous Animals, it does appear‘They rather wildish ran the latter Year;‘Their Grooms were careless, so ’tis given out,‘Or knew not, really, what they were about.‘The Mules, it seems, were after Forage lurking,‘And so, to fill their Paunch, avoided working,78‘I’ll only this observe, as all is past,‘It was a general fault, from first to last.‘A few pick’d Shepherds79too, ’tis fair to Name,‘Tho’ all are good, not good alike the same.‘The First80who stands upon our Patron’s Book‘For Foreign Parts, he early Home forsook—‘Good-humoured, gay, yet one can well descry‘There’s much intelligence marked in his Eye;‘He’s oft detached with largish Flocks, and Droves‘To take advantage of the neighbouring Groves:‘I have not room his qualities to tell,‘He does his business, and he does it well;‘From sturdy Stem of Shropshire he’s a Limb,‘The proud Salopians may be proud of Him.‘Then there’s a rich old Shepherd,81fra’ the North,‘A braver Man ne’er stept on this side Forth.‘Tho’ master of a Farm, and oldish grown,‘He slighted all to serve with our Patron;‘Lively, and brisk, and, tho’ good-temper’d, rough—‘Scott’s praise of Him is scarcely praise enough.‘Here’s too a gaudy Shepherd,82come from Cheshire,‘Much like the rest I think, but rather fresher.‘The little I shall say needs no apology,‘The Speaker has, I know, pronounc’d his Eulogy.‘He manages the Mules, mark’d Red and Blue,‘Doing it well, he has enough to do.‘Then there’s another Roister,83also, fra’ the North,‘And like his Countryman, as High in worth;‘I know him well, and my opinion’s such,‘Say what I will, I cannot say too much.‘With Southern Farmers, this may cause a Smile,‘The Scots are Farmers in superior Style.‘Another Shepherd84also in request‘Is very justly placed amongst the Best;‘Ardent, and Brave, for Glory does aspire,‘And such a sentiment one must admire.‘If any trifling fault we to him lay,‘He’s anxious over-much—for so they say.‘Here’s a brisk Irish Lad85too, Devil a better,‘Who at the Vermin is a rattling Setter;‘Connected with the great Patron, ’tis true,‘But his Abilities will bear him through.‘Fain would I now describe in Epigram‘A bold descendant of Sir David Gam.86‘Connected to this Taffy blood, we find‘A noble Soul, and an expansive Mind;‘In Fields of Glory he such progress made,‘His Laurels now afford him ample Shade.‘Another too, a lively Irish Fellow,87‘Time, perhaps, may soften down, and render mellow;‘Impetuous by Nature, often Rash,‘But Stout, and Sturdy, famous at a Dash.‘And one more fra’ the North,88that I must mention,‘Who’s influenc’d no doubt by just intention;‘For Zeal, and Ardour he to none may yield,‘And thought an active Fellow in the Field.‘One more89I’ll mention, as I think it fair,‘That where there’s merit, it should have its share;‘Bold, Active, Mild, Intelligent, and Pleasant,‘Liked by his charge, from Herdsman to the Peasant.‘There’s Lots of others too, most Gallant Spirits,‘Volumes would not do justice to their merits;‘Suffice it must to say, their Country’s weal‘Can never be sustain’d by nobler Zeal.‘I’ll now describe how is arrang’d the Stock,‘The distribution of each Herd, and Flock:‘A Master Shepherd is attach’d to each,‘The whole to manage, ignorant to teach.‘A Junior to each Flock, Clerk, Surveyor,90‘A Whipper-in also, to catch the Strayer,—‘Herdsmen and Salesmen91—perhaps two Dogs or more,‘To scare away the Vermin with their Roar;‘These, well dispos’d, and parcell’d o’er the Land,‘At once pourtrays the able Master’s Hand.‘All are so excellent, and in such Heart,‘Thirsting for Glory, panting for the Start.‘Some Flocks there are, the produce of those Lands,‘Whose Shepherds were not reckon’d able Hands:‘’Twas evident their Stock should be new moulded,‘And under skilful Hands, fresh Penn’d, and Folded.92‘An Irish Shepherd,93now a Patron named,‘Who for Interior management was famed,‘Was bid to put, and in good order keep,‘This Lot of loose, disorder’d, scurvy Sheep.‘It was an arduous job, with danger fraught,‘And justly so describ’d by Mr. Scott.‘But, ere he could this business undertake,‘Some Shepherds,94Herdsmen, Hinds, was forced to make,‘Many from Britain, most from Ireland chose,‘Interest, they say, in this did interpose.‘There’s something always blameable appears,‘Whate’er’s the job, where interest interferes;‘But in this case, amongst the Numbers sent,‘Saving a Few, the rest were excellent,—‘Who by their Skill, and active perseverance,‘Soon gave the Flocks a different appearance,—‘And in small Herds, now Brousing with the rest,‘Are estimated as the Second best.‘Their Herdsmen too, once ignorant no doubt,‘Seem now to understand what they’re about.‘There’s also come, I’m told, some Fam’d Borachios,95‘With shortish Tails, but monstrous large Mustachios;‘One really would suppose, from their D——d braying,‘No Vermin in the Country dare be staying.‘They’re wondrous favourites with the Squire, I’ve heard,—‘Some think their Trappings foolish, and absurd.‘Their Herdsman too, tho’ he so often blunders,‘At home has got the Name for doing wonders.‘Be that as’t may—tho’ this Drove came the latest,‘They’re much the finest Asses, and the Greatest:‘But really I do think, when forward Straying,‘They’ll in a Gallant Style make good their Braying.‘From Lisbon, also, on the Road to join,‘Is a prime Lot of Large, and Royal Swine;96‘They’re no great Favourites with the Farmer’s Heir,‘And that He’d sell them all did oft declare.‘He’s of a different turn, and rests his Basis‘On rearing up a famous Breed of Asses.‘As for these Swine, I’m told they’re large, and good,‘At first were much averse to foreign Food.‘Such a wild Row was kick’d up by the Brutes,‘’Twas all dismay, disasters, and disputes:‘As for dismay each bristled up his Chine,‘Grunted for finest Wheat, and then for Wine,‘Then for disaster, their Swineherds pretend,‘They chose to Roam, refused to be close Penn’d.‘Disputes they had, no doubt, one with another,‘The Swine, and Swineherds grunted at each other.‘No wonder that these Animals play’d tricks,‘Their Senior Swineherds all, they say, are Sticks.97‘A drove from Oxford too, are with the rest,‘And judges say, are much by far the Best.‘Loose as they are, the Patron has no doubt,‘Bold as the best, they’ll route the Vermin out.‘I’ve now to tell you, that in all Directions‘Dry Forage98is amassed in vast Collections,‘That when by heat, or cold the Grass is dead,‘’Tis from these Stores the Flocks & Droves are fed.‘Warerooms of Medicine, kept with the intent‘To cure those Sick, or hurt by accident.‘In short, my Friend, without exaggeration,‘The whole reflects much credit on the Nation.‘A nobler Stock, more healthy and complete,‘Travel where’er you will, you’ll scarcely meet.‘No doubt Material has been well supplied;‘But in your judgment you will soon decide,‘That raw Materials, spoil without the aid‘Of Workmen highly eminent in Trade,—‘So, the perfection of this Stock alone‘Springs from the genius of our great Patron.’N. B.‘One word, or two I merely wish to say,‘A trifling circumstance, about the Pay:99‘If an Artificer a Work engages,‘He contracts to receive a certain Wages;‘If that’s withheld, he strikes—but here ’tis clear,‘Our’s daily strike, tho’ paid but once a Year.‘They only Strike, ’tis true; but when we need ’em,‘Then not for Lucre, but their Country’s freedom.‘Grumble they don’t, but yet it would be best,‘To have, no doubt, some little in the Chest.’John having thus transcrib’d all he’d Collected,The Letter sent, as honest Dad directed.The Summer Solstice did with strides advance—The Chief jocosely said, ‘Prepare for France,’The joke passed on, but yet it will appear,There was more meaning lurk’d than met the Ear.His wond’rous projects now might be effected,Success must crown where’er his power directed.Tho’ in Field-sports he join’d for recreationHis Nobler pursuits kept in reservation.A Gallant Army, in the finest state,Panting for glory, did his nod await.The toils, and labours of the late Campaigns,His great exertions, all his cares, and Pains,Were well repaid—for now he could fulfilThe boldest object of his Mighty Will.Now busy rumour of anticipationWhispers the general movement from each Station.And now the Staff, with air of consequence,A question cannot solve on no pretence—‘When do we move? you know; come, tell us, pray.’You move him not—he gravely moves away;His chill reserve, his cold repulsive mien,But hides the mighty nothings of his brain.‘Here,Newcome’s in the secret; he will tell us.’‘No, D—n me if I can, my honest Fellows.‘I’ll tell you what, my Boys, ’tis my belief,‘There’s no one in the secret but our Chief,‘The advantages of secresy he knows,‘No one can tell, what no one can disclose.’As for John’s part, whether ’twere False, or True,He freely told the trifle that he knew;It was a littleness he did despise,The poor conceit of being suspected Wise;But with the World he saw, that was the rule,The resource, and refuge, of each Fool.’Twas now the middle of the Month of May,When o’er the Hills the Warlike Hosts display—The Colours waving in the flitting Wind,The lengthened Columns tailing far behind.Now the steep Mountain-cliff their steps assail,Again descending, Wind into the Vale.The undulating Columns o’er the PlainProclaim a Host in motion once again.Fain would my Muse depict the Warlike scenery,The awful Grandeur of the vast Machinery;Fain make familiar to imaginationTh’ effect of moving War by combination;Fain teach unletter’d Minds to understand,The nice cohesion of the Warlike band—With diffidence, this object to obtain,I’ll try the subject in my humble Strain.Full Eighty thousand Men, in partial Bands,Extending wide in Quarters o’er the Lands;All well equipp’d, by Winter’s preparation,In order most complete to quit each Station.Cheerful, Repose, and Luxury they yield,Following their Mighty Chieftain to the Field;And thus in part the Warlike arts display’dThis numerous force, so skilfully array’d.In various Bodies, Marching to one Point,Communication kept, and no disjoint;Parallel move—so uniformly Led,None deviate, no Column shoots a-head.So well preserve the distance from each other,Contiguous Columns flanking one another.Day, after Day, this rigidly maintainO’er the rude Mountain, or extended Plain.Then Glittering Herds of Cavalry appear,Advanced in Front, on Flank, or in the Rear:So form’d, so organiz’d, this Mighty Host,All know their Station, every Man his Post.Can ought be seen more wond’rous, more Sublime,This great Machine in motion at one time;So well dispos’d, and all so closely cling,Receiving impulse from one active Spring?’Twas thus our Army open’d the Campaign,And Lusitania left, to burst on Spain.Thus our great Captain led his gallant Band,O’er the wide Plains of Leon’s fertile Land;Whilst all the Gallic Force, the Hostile Foe,Directed by Gazon, and great King Joe,Spread o’er the Country round, in varied Route,Bewilder’d in perplexity, and doubt:When t’wards the South their eager looks addrest,The Allied Troops surpriz’d them from the West;With all their Force array’d on Douro’s Bank,Our skilful Hero took them on the Flank;From Salamanca bravely chased them forth,And drove them in dismay towards the North.Burgos blown up, Pencorva forc’d to yield,Nor check’d their flight ’till reach’d Vittoria’s Field.Whilst o’er the Mountains, Bands of Spaniards100prowl,With little order, and with less controul;While desolation o’er their Country spread,The High-toned Blood, the Warlike soul was fled;Whate’er the Cause, the Motive, or the Reason,By Fraud, by Threats, by Artifice, or Treason,Whilst Hosts on Hosts did in succession grow,Judge from events, they merely were for Show;With other Troops they hold no sort of Rivalry,Cervantes quizz’d them out of all the Chivalry.Now all the Gallic force suspends its Flight,And at Vittoria Centre, and Unite;Joe, and Gazon had check’d its volitation,And in array the Army round it Station.Both Imbecile, and Vain, they treat with slightThe Hero and his Troops who’d caus’d their Flight.Puff’d with conceit, they Espionage neglected,So got a visit, sooner than expected.Tho’ he in Leon had their minds astonish’d,Joe, and his Chum were not to be admonish’d.For Joe was heard amidst his Dames to say,‘That our great Lord should Dine101with him that Day.‘And when he had prepar’d Ragouts and Soups,‘He’d take the noble Lord, and Route his Troops.’Forgetting he’d to deal with one so arch,Who on the Vaunter neatly stole a March.Then reconnoitring how they were dispos’d,To all his Generals his mind disclos’d—The one great object, anxious to obtain,‘To drive the Rascals fairly out of Spain.’On twenty-first of June, made DispositionTo force the Enemy from their Position.Full Sixty thousand Men, arrang’d in Sight(But more inclin’d, I think, to run than Fight),Tho’ seeming bent his progress to dispute,Receiv’d his Visit with a grand Salute.First on our right the great, the gallant Hill,Obedient to our noble Chieftain’s will,The Enemy, tho’ strongly posted found,Their Left drove in—they quickly left the Ground.Dalhousie, Picton, then the conflict enter,Intrepidly advance against the Centre:This forc’d, they hastily commenced the flight,For Graham, boldly press’d upon their Right.Tho’ Cannon, Mortars, play’d from every partSufficient to appal the bravest heart—Tho’ show’rs of Bullets whizzing from each Spot(The French are rather partial to long Shot),Nor Shots, nor Shells, nor Legions in Array,Not for one moment check’d them on their Way;But Slow and Firm, progressively they move,And from each Post, the Hostile miscreants Drove.In vain th’ embattl’d Foe, with Warlike Band,Bristled with Cannon, could the Charge withstand.Slaughter, and Death, on every side they meet,And only find their safety in Retreat.The fact was this, the Fellows ran away,Commenc’d their Flight so early in the Day;In haste the Road to Pampeluna took,And Ladies, Baggage, Cannon, all forsook;Fighting gave up, and had recourse to Cunning—They’re sure to beat us if it comes to Running.This I’ve observ’d, whene’er we Battle make,We overcome, but seldom overtake.And tho’ our Gallant Cavalry would fainHave shar’d the Glory of th’ ensanguin’d Plain,Their anxious wishes could not be effected,’Twas so by Ditches,102and Ravines, protected.Joe, and Gazon, as Generals, must be scouted—First out Manœuvred, then completely Routed.But of their Conduct, what we most upbraid is,They wanted Courage to protect their Ladies.Such dastards, as we generally find most,Secure themselves, the Devil take the hindmost,And now it was the Hussars103got their share,Took all the Coaches, Baggage, and the Fair.Not of their Gallantry I would speak slighting,No Troops, I’m sure, can beat them at fair Fighting.This was the Day on which our Gallant JohnWould crown his Fame, as he had told upon:Being by Order of his Chief dispatch’d—Bent on his purpose, he th’ occasion watch’d;Eager in search of Glory, and Renown,Dash’d, with some Hussars, boldly into Town.Joe, who had heard of the Hussars’ approach,Had with his Ladies hustled to his Coach;There, finding they were close upon his Back,Quickly104bounc’d out, and jump’d upon a Hack;In wild disorder, and in strange dismay,Spurr’d thro’ the Crowd, in hopes to steal away.Our Hero, in mean time, dash’d to and fro,By accident o’ertook poor scampering Joe—And with his Sabre lent him such a Lick,’Twas lucky that poor Joe’s skull was Thick,Who, to avoid the Blow, was stooping down—The Sabre from his Hat, cut off the Crown.Whilst hapless Joe, escaping, tho’ full sad,He’d lost that Day the only Crown he had,But felt consol’d, when at a distance fled,His Crown had lost, but still had got his Head.John, in the bustle, thought Joe’s Head had tumbled,And ’mongst the Ladies furbelows was jumbled.The poor Madames, arrested in their flight,Were sprawling in the Street, in woeful plight—Screaming, and fainting, prostrate sought protection,’Midst Hussars pillaging in all direction,Such struggling, rifling, squeezing, ’mongst the Folks,Whiskers, Mustachios, Petticoats, and Cloaks.When John, in eager search, fell oddly flat onMadame Gazon,105with Marshal Jourdon’s Baton;This charming Woman, tho’ a General’s Wife,Would much give up, in hopes to save her Life;And tho’ a careful Guardian of her honour,Freely resign’d whate’er John found upon her.Who rais’d the fair, and saw where she had sat,Not Joey’s Head, ’tis true, but bit of Hat.John, who had long on Glory anxious bent,This Day succeeded to his heart’s content:Honour, renown, he fairly now bespoke,For this Day’s job had been a lucky Stroke.Joe’s Head was gone, no doubt—but what of that?He’d got the Baton, and the bit of Hat;So from the noise, and tumult in the Street,He led the lovely Lady, and her Suite;And in full hopes by politesse to win her,Gave Her poor Joey’s Bed, and Joey’s Dinner.The Battle o’er, the French to flight resign’d ’em,}Running as if the Devil was behind ’em,—}Field-pieces left to those who’d luck to find ’em.}And there I leave the Cowards to their fate,Whilst I of other matters shall relate.The Victory gain’d, the Chieftain sought repose,When John in modest accents did discloseHis great exploits, the wond’rous Feats he’d done—The Trophies that he had so nobly won.The Chief, astonish’d, look’d with much amaze onThe Baton, bit of Hat, and Madame Gazon.The noble Chief in contemplation Sat,Admir’d the Dame, and archly touch’d the Hat:Tho’ at her charms in secret look’d askance,He, great, like Scipio, sent her back to France.And then, his humble duty to evince,Would send the Hat, and Baton, to the Prince.The Baton would be, in his Country’s Eyes,Deem’d both a noble, and a glorious Prize;And, p’rhaps, in spite of rumour, and of Chat,Some Folks might like a bit of Royal Hat.‘Newcomeshould have the honour to present,‘The Hat and Baton to the Prince Regent;‘Relate of Cannon taken, and the Pelf,106‘The Victory would best explain itself.’And now, almost as quick as I can tell,John found himself once more in dear Pall Mall.But, as he’d not from usual custom vary,In Chaise and Four, called on the Secretary.The Minister, with admiration struck,Soon advertised his Friends of their good Luck;This Victory, with all its consequences,Would seat them firmly on the Treasury Benches.Read the Dispatch—wrote off to the Lord Mayor,Who to the Cits should the great News declare;And they, Rich, Lusty Rogues, without alloy,As usual, Ate and Drank, to shew their joy.And now what hearty peals of exclamation,What Cannon firing, and what Conflagration;Such shouts, such grinning, ’mongst all Ranks of Men,You’d thought they ne’er would shut their mouths again.Such horizontal stretching of each Muzzle,Such Drinking healths, such roaring, and such Guzzle.But should some small mishap be buzz’d auricular,The horizontal would be perpendicular.John, who in most things had his share of Nouse,His humble duty left at Carlton House;And was inform’d, with certain pompous gravity(At Courts one seldom stumbles upon suavity),That He, the Hat, and Baton, Magnifique,Should be presented early in the Week;It was the R——t’s will, at sights so pleasant,The Q——n, and all her Ladies, should be present.Down to the ground our Hero made his bow,And to the Knight and Lady, off he flew.‘So, my dear John, you made poor Joey truckle’;Whilst at the Hat he slily gave a chuckle.My Lady, too, the Baton did explore—‘She’d never seen so fine a thing before.’Johnny then told them of his feats of Arms,Of Joe’s escape, and Madame Gazon’s charms.‘Come, John,’ says Dad, ‘from truth you cannot screen us;‘You were her Mars, my Boy, and she your Venus.’John now at every House was in request,And every where receiv’d a welcome Guest.He thought he ne’er should finish with his Glory,So often pester’d to repeat the story.We give him credit there for a pretence,He rather lik’d being made of Consequence.The Battle, Trophies, Folks were so much wrapt in,They made a mighty bustle ’bout the Captain.Captain no more—for in the next Gazette,Tho’ envious ones did vastly fume and fret,In recompence for wonderous Renown,Who seiz’d a Baton, and cut off a Crown:As C——n for a precedent was quoted,Lieutenant Colonel107was at once Promoted.

This was an Honour rather unexpected,

And John’s acknowledgments were not neglected.

Congratulations flowed from all around—

Such follows favour, whensoe’er it’s found.

What ever Way he did his Footsteps bend,

Johnny was sure to meet a hearty Friend.

I’m High in Luck, such Friendships do accrue me—

‘But when I was Sub, why no one knew me.’

For John full well knew where the secret lay—

Those were the Friendships of a Prosperous Day.

Prosperity, like Poverty, you’ll find.Holds a strange influence o’er the Human Mind.On Memory’s42Compass are so adverse set,Remember, and, Remember to forget.John knew his Friends, & at what price he bought ’em,So nods, and How d’ye’s, gave to all that sought ’em.

Prosperity, like Poverty, you’ll find.

Holds a strange influence o’er the Human Mind.

On Memory’s42Compass are so adverse set,

Remember, and, Remember to forget.

John knew his Friends, & at what price he bought ’em,

So nods, and How d’ye’s, gave to all that sought ’em.

Now smiling Spring (such are Poetic Styles)Saluted John with her effulgent Smiles:This led him to commence his Operations,To make, as Dad advised, his Observations.Though for an A. D. C. the Chief did take him,Neither his sense, or judgment did forsake him.43When his Bucephœlus he got astride’Twas for more purposes than merely ride;Something picks up, which ever way he Steers,Making a proper use of Eyes, and Ears.

Now smiling Spring (such are Poetic Styles)

Saluted John with her effulgent Smiles:

This led him to commence his Operations,

To make, as Dad advised, his Observations.

Though for an A. D. C. the Chief did take him,

Neither his sense, or judgment did forsake him.43

When his Bucephœlus he got astride

’Twas for more purposes than merely ride;

Something picks up, which ever way he Steers,

Making a proper use of Eyes, and Ears.

Some Men have Eyes, and Ears, and yet you findThey merely see the Day, and hear the Wind;But ask them, and ’tis plain they do not knowWhat causes Light of Day, or Wind to Blow.

Some Men have Eyes, and Ears, and yet you find

They merely see the Day, and hear the Wind;

But ask them, and ’tis plain they do not know

What causes Light of Day, or Wind to Blow.

John was a famous Horseman, and oft wentWith various Orders, by the Chieftain sent;Eager, and bold, he round the Country rode,True cut of Leicestershire, and Cattle good.At various times, with various Parties mixt,On different Objects his attention fixt;Saw all the Stations in his varying Courses,The Quarters, and Cantonments of the Forces;Artillery, Hospitals, Forage-yards, and Stores,Cavalry, Infantry, Light Troops, Caçadores;Made it his Business, took much pains and careTo ascertain the State in which each were:Dined with the Great, and mingled with their Minions,Treasur’d their observations, and opinions.

John was a famous Horseman, and oft went

With various Orders, by the Chieftain sent;

Eager, and bold, he round the Country rode,

True cut of Leicestershire, and Cattle good.

At various times, with various Parties mixt,

On different Objects his attention fixt;

Saw all the Stations in his varying Courses,

The Quarters, and Cantonments of the Forces;

Artillery, Hospitals, Forage-yards, and Stores,

Cavalry, Infantry, Light Troops, Caçadores;

Made it his Business, took much pains and care

To ascertain the State in which each were:

Dined with the Great, and mingled with their Minions,

Treasur’d their observations, and opinions.

As in the World those know each other bestWhere much familiarity’s the Test,A shallow Rogue may secret up a Comment,Or free expression of unguarded Moment;But urged by vanity, he can’t be Mute,And blabs to shew he’s Clever and Acute.Then wiser Folks, with very little Pains,Will undermine his Head, and pick his Brains.

As in the World those know each other best

Where much familiarity’s the Test,

A shallow Rogue may secret up a Comment,

Or free expression of unguarded Moment;

But urged by vanity, he can’t be Mute,

And blabs to shew he’s Clever and Acute.

Then wiser Folks, with very little Pains,

Will undermine his Head, and pick his Brains.

John angled well, and to his fullest Wish,Lured with the small, and took the largest Fish:Nor slacked his search, nor object did forget,’Till with rich Stores he’d fairly fill’d his Net.

John angled well, and to his fullest Wish,

Lured with the small, and took the largest Fish:

Nor slacked his search, nor object did forget,

’Till with rich Stores he’d fairly fill’d his Net.

Sir John had often made a resolution,To speechify about the Constitution.He with the Livery stood in some repute,‘That there’s,’ ‘as how’s,’ ‘d’ye see’s,’ did just them suit.And then each day in Speech he bolder grew,And ’midst their Broils, shoved in a word, or two.But in the House, when he to speak arose,And would the labours of his mind disclose,When all was silent, every Muzzle Mum—He could not make a Speech—who made a Plum.

Sir John had often made a resolution,

To speechify about the Constitution.

He with the Livery stood in some repute,

‘That there’s,’ ‘as how’s,’ ‘d’ye see’s,’ did just them suit.

And then each day in Speech he bolder grew,

And ’midst their Broils, shoved in a word, or two.

But in the House, when he to speak arose,

And would the labours of his mind disclose,

When all was silent, every Muzzle Mum—

He could not make a Speech—who made a Plum.

But Johnny’s turn had kindled fresh his hopes,He’d now in Figures flourish, and in Tropes.This secret in his heart he’d closely pent;This it was led him wholly to consent,When John express’d his ardent wish againTo join Lord Wellington the next Campaign;This led him all his influence to use,That John might go, to send him Home the News;This led to giving John his strict directionsAbout his Scrutinizing and Inspections;To bid him earnestly take special careTo see the Troops, and write him what they were:Meaning on this to make a grand Oration,Both to astonish, and amaze the Nation.His adverse system too had not forgot—His Speech should hit like double-headed Shot.

But Johnny’s turn had kindled fresh his hopes,

He’d now in Figures flourish, and in Tropes.

This secret in his heart he’d closely pent;

This it was led him wholly to consent,

When John express’d his ardent wish again

To join Lord Wellington the next Campaign;

This led him all his influence to use,

That John might go, to send him Home the News;

This led to giving John his strict directions

About his Scrutinizing and Inspections;

To bid him earnestly take special care

To see the Troops, and write him what they were:

Meaning on this to make a grand Oration,

Both to astonish, and amaze the Nation.

His adverse system too had not forgot—

His Speech should hit like double-headed Shot.

If seated snugly on the Treasury Bench,‘This mighty Force,’ yet did his friendsRetrench;But if on t’ other side he took his Post,‘This mighty Force,’th’ enormous sums it Cost.He culled high-sounding words too, for th’ occasion,Material, Bivouac, Demoralization.Yet poor Sir John, tho’ much he’d heard, and read,Felt still aware how treacherous was his Head;Tho’ yet he laboured like a Brewer’s Dray-Horse,’Twas but to Bother, and increase the Chaos.Tho’ battled hard some fixt idea to gain,No, not one particle would ere remain.

If seated snugly on the Treasury Bench,

‘This mighty Force,’ yet did his friendsRetrench;

But if on t’ other side he took his Post,

‘This mighty Force,’th’ enormous sums it Cost.

He culled high-sounding words too, for th’ occasion,

Material, Bivouac, Demoralization.

Yet poor Sir John, tho’ much he’d heard, and read,

Felt still aware how treacherous was his Head;

Tho’ yet he laboured like a Brewer’s Dray-Horse,

’Twas but to Bother, and increase the Chaos.

Tho’ battled hard some fixt idea to gain,

No, not one particle would ere remain.

A sudden brilliant thought, just then occurred,Which to accomplish he’d not be deterred.Then anxious on this darling object bent,Purchased a Seat for John in Parliament.Thus reinforc’d, he’d take up his Position—Johnny could give him Stores of Ammunition,And if deserted by his treacherous Mind,Johnny might snugly prompt him from behind.

A sudden brilliant thought, just then occurred,

Which to accomplish he’d not be deterred.

Then anxious on this darling object bent,

Purchased a Seat for John in Parliament.

Thus reinforc’d, he’d take up his Position—

Johnny could give him Stores of Ammunition,

And if deserted by his treacherous Mind,

Johnny might snugly prompt him from behind.

Our Knight now with redundancy of JoyHis thoughts communicated to his Boy,In haste indites a Letter to Sir John,Explaining every thing he would have done;Hoped with his aid, his object he’d complete—Wished him all happiness in his new Seat.‘Write, my dear John, as often as you can,‘But as we’re circumstanced, pursue this Plan,—‘The prying Folks my object now to pose is,‘So frame your Letter in a metamorphosis.‘One Letter you can straight direct to me—‘Another send to Ludgate, as the Key.‘That by this means we shall our secret smother,‘One can’t be understood, without the other.’’Twas odd enough that Johnny in his mindWas working at a plan of similar kind.Dad’s welcome News his spirits did elate,That he was now a Member of the State.New hopes were busy in his sanguine breast,Perhaps by th’ Speaker he might be addrest.Should he by chance some Gallant deed Achieve,He might th’ Honourable Speaker’s thanks receive.’Twas usual that, when Heroes took their Seat,A flowery flow of grateful thanks to meet.Whate’er John thought, he’d not point out a Flaw,The Speaker surely’d not offend the Law.His praise, so general, savour’d of Insanity,Tho’ often just—it flatter’d each one’s Vanity.Now in true earnest set about his Task,Followed old Dad’s advice and took the Mask.He knew in Martial Life that Truth no jest is,Their Courts of Honour were their Courts of Justice.He would, if possible, the Truth relate,Devoid of malice, naught extenuate.Dad would his secret keep, he could depend;As for himself, he meant not to offend:But should perchance his secret be let out,’Twas a mere Bagatelle to laugh about.Should he in Metaphoric style transposeMen into Beasts, or Parsons into Crows—Those who could be displeased he should disarm,His was mere trifling, really meant no harm;If, tho’ in his delineation free,It would be seen, ’twas mere necessity.

Our Knight now with redundancy of Joy

His thoughts communicated to his Boy,

In haste indites a Letter to Sir John,

Explaining every thing he would have done;

Hoped with his aid, his object he’d complete—

Wished him all happiness in his new Seat.

‘Write, my dear John, as often as you can,

‘But as we’re circumstanced, pursue this Plan,—

‘The prying Folks my object now to pose is,

‘So frame your Letter in a metamorphosis.

‘One Letter you can straight direct to me—

‘Another send to Ludgate, as the Key.

‘That by this means we shall our secret smother,

‘One can’t be understood, without the other.’

’Twas odd enough that Johnny in his mind

Was working at a plan of similar kind.

Dad’s welcome News his spirits did elate,

That he was now a Member of the State.

New hopes were busy in his sanguine breast,

Perhaps by th’ Speaker he might be addrest.

Should he by chance some Gallant deed Achieve,

He might th’ Honourable Speaker’s thanks receive.

’Twas usual that, when Heroes took their Seat,

A flowery flow of grateful thanks to meet.

Whate’er John thought, he’d not point out a Flaw,

The Speaker surely’d not offend the Law.

His praise, so general, savour’d of Insanity,

Tho’ often just—it flatter’d each one’s Vanity.

Now in true earnest set about his Task,

Followed old Dad’s advice and took the Mask.

He knew in Martial Life that Truth no jest is,

Their Courts of Honour were their Courts of Justice.

He would, if possible, the Truth relate,

Devoid of malice, naught extenuate.

Dad would his secret keep, he could depend;

As for himself, he meant not to offend:

But should perchance his secret be let out,

’Twas a mere Bagatelle to laugh about.

Should he in Metaphoric style transpose

Men into Beasts, or Parsons into Crows—

Those who could be displeased he should disarm,

His was mere trifling, really meant no harm;

If, tho’ in his delineation free,

It would be seen, ’twas mere necessity.

At length his ardent object to pursue,A Schedule of his means he briefly drew,All that had come within his observation,And thus proceeded on with his Narration.

At length his ardent object to pursue,

A Schedule of his means he briefly drew,

All that had come within his observation,

And thus proceeded on with his Narration.

‘By way of Introduction, you must know,‘It was, I think, but a few Years ago‘The Widow’s44intellects here were at a stand;‘Her Son then took to Farming of the Land.‘If there’s bad management, it always shows,‘’Twas out of Heart, and overrun with Crows.45‘Such a D——n’d flight of Crows did shocking harm—‘A few, we know, are useful to a Farm.‘The Squire,46’tis said, did naught but Eat, & Pray,‘Fearing his precious Soul might go astray.‘The Farm tho’ bad, and in such piteous case,‘Was situated in a lovely Place.‘The Air was charming, and the Soil was sound—‘No wonder Neighbours hanker’d for the Ground.‘So Foreign47Ants, and Locusts left their Station,‘With other Vermin from a distant Nation,‘Advanced in Hosts, and soon without controul,‘With little trouble occupied the whole.‘Fled to a Ship, the Squire the Canvas fills,‘To see a Farm he had at the Brazils:‘But he, before he boldly ventured forth,‘Wrote to his Friend, a Farmer48in the North;‘Trusting he would without delay determine‘To send some clever Chap to kill the Vermin:‘When that was done, he should return again,‘And so his loving Cousin did remain.‘The honest Man to whom he sent his Letter,‘A wealthy Farmer was, none could be better;‘He’d famous Implements, and famous Stock,49‘And truly was a Father to his Flock.‘His Shepherds,50Salesmen, Butchers, and his Stud,‘Were all well chosen, capitally good:‘His Stock51at times with wild vagaries tired him,‘But in their hearts they honour’d and admir’d him;‘One here and there would not from mischief keep—‘You find in every Flock, a few bad Sheep.‘This Letter52gave the Farmer much alarm—‘’Twas like enough they might infest his Farm.‘He’d send a Shepherd, who with little labour,‘Should clear the Lands of his poor frighten’d neighbour.‘So sent a Stock best suited for the Soil,‘Led by a Shepherd53from a Neighbouring Isle;‘Who wisely at the first a footing got,‘Then drove the Vermin from around that Spot;54‘Would, as ’tis said, completed soon the job,—‘Spite, like a Thief, did from his Laurels rob.‘Two elder Shepherds55came—and what was hard,‘With their D——n’d nonsense all his projects mar’d.‘If they were sent his active powers to fetter,‘Of those who did it, less that’s said the better.‘Ere since that time he’s toil’d both Night and Day,‘And from this Farm the Vermin clear’d away.

‘By way of Introduction, you must know,

‘It was, I think, but a few Years ago

‘The Widow’s44intellects here were at a stand;

‘Her Son then took to Farming of the Land.

‘If there’s bad management, it always shows,

‘’Twas out of Heart, and overrun with Crows.45

‘Such a D——n’d flight of Crows did shocking harm—

‘A few, we know, are useful to a Farm.

‘The Squire,46’tis said, did naught but Eat, & Pray,

‘Fearing his precious Soul might go astray.

‘The Farm tho’ bad, and in such piteous case,

‘Was situated in a lovely Place.

‘The Air was charming, and the Soil was sound—

‘No wonder Neighbours hanker’d for the Ground.

‘So Foreign47Ants, and Locusts left their Station,

‘With other Vermin from a distant Nation,

‘Advanced in Hosts, and soon without controul,

‘With little trouble occupied the whole.

‘Fled to a Ship, the Squire the Canvas fills,

‘To see a Farm he had at the Brazils:

‘But he, before he boldly ventured forth,

‘Wrote to his Friend, a Farmer48in the North;

‘Trusting he would without delay determine

‘To send some clever Chap to kill the Vermin:

‘When that was done, he should return again,

‘And so his loving Cousin did remain.

‘The honest Man to whom he sent his Letter,

‘A wealthy Farmer was, none could be better;

‘He’d famous Implements, and famous Stock,49

‘And truly was a Father to his Flock.

‘His Shepherds,50Salesmen, Butchers, and his Stud,

‘Were all well chosen, capitally good:

‘His Stock51at times with wild vagaries tired him,

‘But in their hearts they honour’d and admir’d him;

‘One here and there would not from mischief keep—

‘You find in every Flock, a few bad Sheep.

‘This Letter52gave the Farmer much alarm—

‘’Twas like enough they might infest his Farm.

‘He’d send a Shepherd, who with little labour,

‘Should clear the Lands of his poor frighten’d neighbour.

‘So sent a Stock best suited for the Soil,

‘Led by a Shepherd53from a Neighbouring Isle;

‘Who wisely at the first a footing got,

‘Then drove the Vermin from around that Spot;54

‘Would, as ’tis said, completed soon the job,—

‘Spite, like a Thief, did from his Laurels rob.

‘Two elder Shepherds55came—and what was hard,

‘With their D——n’d nonsense all his projects mar’d.

‘If they were sent his active powers to fetter,

‘Of those who did it, less that’s said the better.

‘Ere since that time he’s toil’d both Night and Day,

‘And from this Farm the Vermin clear’d away.

‘Pre-eminently now he stands alone,‘Lov’d, and obey’d by all as Chief Patrone;‘In manners easy, wonderful in Mind,‘Jocose, familiar with the humblest Hind.56‘But that’s so wisely temper’d, so superior,‘Commanding due respect from each Inferior.

‘Pre-eminently now he stands alone,

‘Lov’d, and obey’d by all as Chief Patrone;

‘In manners easy, wonderful in Mind,

‘Jocose, familiar with the humblest Hind.56

‘But that’s so wisely temper’d, so superior,

‘Commanding due respect from each Inferior.

‘His Shepherds57tho’ have caused him much anxiety,‘Such numbers sent from Home, and such variety;‘Some from all Countries, German, Irish, British—‘Some staid enough, but many Cursed skittish:‘Many from Envy—rancorous, and jealous,‘Esteem’d themselves most mighty clever Fellows,‘Would mar the Scheme that he’d so ably planned,‘Had he not held them with a steady Hand.‘Some swore he always studied to insult them,‘There peep’d the Cloven foot—he’d not consult them.‘He wisely judged, and smiled at the attack—‘He knew the whole concern was on his Back:‘Had things gone wrong, he knew so well their trim,‘Done what he would, they’d shoved the Blame on Him.

‘His Shepherds57tho’ have caused him much anxiety,

‘Such numbers sent from Home, and such variety;

‘Some from all Countries, German, Irish, British—

‘Some staid enough, but many Cursed skittish:

‘Many from Envy—rancorous, and jealous,

‘Esteem’d themselves most mighty clever Fellows,

‘Would mar the Scheme that he’d so ably planned,

‘Had he not held them with a steady Hand.

‘Some swore he always studied to insult them,

‘There peep’d the Cloven foot—he’d not consult them.

‘He wisely judged, and smiled at the attack—

‘He knew the whole concern was on his Back:

‘Had things gone wrong, he knew so well their trim,

‘Done what he would, they’d shoved the Blame on Him.

‘Lots of Young Shepherds came, and it a fact is,‘Some Prudence wanted, but all wanted Practice.‘So proud to tend a Flock, they’d scorn denial,‘The Patron therefore took them all58on Trial:‘Kept those with him he thought most apt to learn,‘The others recommended to return.

‘Lots of Young Shepherds came, and it a fact is,

‘Some Prudence wanted, but all wanted Practice.

‘So proud to tend a Flock, they’d scorn denial,

‘The Patron therefore took them all58on Trial:

‘Kept those with him he thought most apt to learn,

‘The others recommended to return.

‘Now, my good Friend, ’tis thus the matter stands,‘No farmer can produce more able Hands.

‘Now, my good Friend, ’tis thus the matter stands,

‘No farmer can produce more able Hands.

‘One more Patron59also, there will be found‘Who60Farms exclusively this Bit of Ground.‘Of him I cannot speak, I know him not,‘You’ll get his Character from Walter Scott:‘Of his pretensions I am in the Dark,‘But Folks pronounce him a D——n’d lucky Spark.‘That wond’rous Poet’s praise I can’t him grudge,‘As Mr. Scott must be a better judge.

‘One more Patron59also, there will be found

‘Who60Farms exclusively this Bit of Ground.

‘Of him I cannot speak, I know him not,

‘You’ll get his Character from Walter Scott:

‘Of his pretensions I am in the Dark,

‘But Folks pronounce him a D——n’d lucky Spark.

‘That wond’rous Poet’s praise I can’t him grudge,

‘As Mr. Scott must be a better judge.

‘A largish Family our Chief attends,‘Two, or three Shepherds,61he retains his Friends.‘One that inspects the Roads, the Lands Survey,}‘Marks out the Pens, for fear the Herds might Stray,}‘Esteem’d a much superior Fellow in his Way.}‘Another62has the charge of his Accounts,‘Corrects the Bills, and adds up the Amounts:‘A third,63his Private matters does indite,—‘They’re both extremely Clever, and Polite.

‘A largish Family our Chief attends,

‘Two, or three Shepherds,61he retains his Friends.

‘One that inspects the Roads, the Lands Survey,}

‘Marks out the Pens, for fear the Herds might Stray,}

‘Esteem’d a much superior Fellow in his Way.}

‘Another62has the charge of his Accounts,

‘Corrects the Bills, and adds up the Amounts:

‘A third,63his Private matters does indite,—

‘They’re both extremely Clever, and Polite.

‘Then he’s a numerous Gang of Shepherd Boys,64‘Some go on errands, others kept as Toys.‘One Youth65amidst this lively Group appears,‘Victim to Miscreants in his early Years,‘Nobly came forth to act an humble part,‘T’ obtain a knowledge of the Farming Art:‘Fearless encounters Danger and Disaster,‘To be the Pupil of so great a Master.‘A Youth like him to every virtue prone,‘Britannia’s lovely Gem must make her own.‘Then shoals of Salesmen,66travelling in all Weathers,‘You know them by their Spur, long Swords, and Feathers.‘Smuggling, ’tis said, is grown to such a Pitch,‘That all these Feather’d Rogues are getting Rich.‘But Folks say any thing for the sake of chatter—‘I don’t believe a word about the matter:‘If in their course of Duty, and Employment,‘A Hare pick up, by way of some enjoyment,‘That’s quite enough to give the Rogues a Name—‘“See, these D——n’d Salesmen! why, they live on Game!”

‘Then he’s a numerous Gang of Shepherd Boys,64

‘Some go on errands, others kept as Toys.

‘One Youth65amidst this lively Group appears,

‘Victim to Miscreants in his early Years,

‘Nobly came forth to act an humble part,

‘T’ obtain a knowledge of the Farming Art:

‘Fearless encounters Danger and Disaster,

‘To be the Pupil of so great a Master.

‘A Youth like him to every virtue prone,

‘Britannia’s lovely Gem must make her own.

‘Then shoals of Salesmen,66travelling in all Weathers,

‘You know them by their Spur, long Swords, and Feathers.

‘Smuggling, ’tis said, is grown to such a Pitch,

‘That all these Feather’d Rogues are getting Rich.

‘But Folks say any thing for the sake of chatter—

‘I don’t believe a word about the matter:

‘If in their course of Duty, and Employment,

‘A Hare pick up, by way of some enjoyment,

‘That’s quite enough to give the Rogues a Name—

‘“See, these D——n’d Salesmen! why, they live on Game!”

‘Then here’s a swarm of Butchers,67great and small,‘Some for the Carcase, others for the Stall.‘One Master Butcher68o’er the rest presides,‘And with the Patron usually resides:‘Their Journeymen, Apprentices, and Men,‘Distributed among each Flock and Pen.69‘’Tis wisely done to have them on the Spot,‘To keep them free from Murrain, and the Rot:‘Dexterous they are, and in their judgment sound,‘To amputate a Limb, and cure a Wound.

‘Then here’s a swarm of Butchers,67great and small,

‘Some for the Carcase, others for the Stall.

‘One Master Butcher68o’er the rest presides,

‘And with the Patron usually resides:

‘Their Journeymen, Apprentices, and Men,

‘Distributed among each Flock and Pen.69

‘’Tis wisely done to have them on the Spot,

‘To keep them free from Murrain, and the Rot:

‘Dexterous they are, and in their judgment sound,

‘To amputate a Limb, and cure a Wound.

‘Our Worthy, good Patron, with grief it fills‘To send the Farmer Home their Monstrous Bills.70‘Much as he likes the Chase—it does him shock‘To see so many worried of his Flock.‘In their Profession admirably skilled;‘That Arm, no doubt, could not be better filled.‘Skilful as they extract, and Bleed, and Cup,‘I hope my worthy Friends won’t Cut me up.

‘Our Worthy, good Patron, with grief it fills

‘To send the Farmer Home their Monstrous Bills.70

‘Much as he likes the Chase—it does him shock

‘To see so many worried of his Flock.

‘In their Profession admirably skilled;

‘That Arm, no doubt, could not be better filled.

‘Skilful as they extract, and Bleed, and Cup,

‘I hope my worthy Friends won’t Cut me up.

‘Our Patron too, has got a Lot of Dogs71‘To clear the Woods and Fences, Fields and Bogs:‘They’re chiefly Pointers, but of various sorts—‘Some Guard the Flocks, others for Field Sports.‘They’re wond’rous docile, so well Broke, and Tame,‘Whene’er they point, they’re certain of their Game.‘Many attach’d to Herds72—but all have Marks,‘The Deep-toned,73Wide-mouth’d ones are kept in Parks.‘Steady, and staunch, whene’er the Huntsman calls,‘They follow up the Game, nor heed Stone Walls.‘The Master Huntsman74is a Man well known‘To be in favour with the great Patron.‘And then his underlings75of every sort,‘Are Keen, and able Fellows for the Sport.

‘Our Patron too, has got a Lot of Dogs71

‘To clear the Woods and Fences, Fields and Bogs:

‘They’re chiefly Pointers, but of various sorts—

‘Some Guard the Flocks, others for Field Sports.

‘They’re wond’rous docile, so well Broke, and Tame,

‘Whene’er they point, they’re certain of their Game.

‘Many attach’d to Herds72—but all have Marks,

‘The Deep-toned,73Wide-mouth’d ones are kept in Parks.

‘Steady, and staunch, whene’er the Huntsman calls,

‘They follow up the Game, nor heed Stone Walls.

‘The Master Huntsman74is a Man well known

‘To be in favour with the great Patron.

‘And then his underlings75of every sort,

‘Are Keen, and able Fellows for the Sport.

‘Added to these, should Flocks or Herds run riot,‘There’s Whippers-in76enough to keep them quiet.

‘Added to these, should Flocks or Herds run riot,

‘There’s Whippers-in76enough to keep them quiet.

‘The various Stock is parcelled with precision,‘So many Herds are put in each Division.‘The Flocks of Sheep, & Droves of Mules & Goats,77‘Distinguished are by Marks upon their Coats.‘The Mules are in one Drove, and altogether,‘They’re chiefly Stalled, or fastened to a Tether:‘Tho’ famous Animals, it does appear‘They rather wildish ran the latter Year;‘Their Grooms were careless, so ’tis given out,‘Or knew not, really, what they were about.‘The Mules, it seems, were after Forage lurking,‘And so, to fill their Paunch, avoided working,78‘I’ll only this observe, as all is past,‘It was a general fault, from first to last.‘A few pick’d Shepherds79too, ’tis fair to Name,‘Tho’ all are good, not good alike the same.

‘The various Stock is parcelled with precision,

‘So many Herds are put in each Division.

‘The Flocks of Sheep, & Droves of Mules & Goats,77

‘Distinguished are by Marks upon their Coats.

‘The Mules are in one Drove, and altogether,

‘They’re chiefly Stalled, or fastened to a Tether:

‘Tho’ famous Animals, it does appear

‘They rather wildish ran the latter Year;

‘Their Grooms were careless, so ’tis given out,

‘Or knew not, really, what they were about.

‘The Mules, it seems, were after Forage lurking,

‘And so, to fill their Paunch, avoided working,78

‘I’ll only this observe, as all is past,

‘It was a general fault, from first to last.

‘A few pick’d Shepherds79too, ’tis fair to Name,

‘Tho’ all are good, not good alike the same.

‘The First80who stands upon our Patron’s Book‘For Foreign Parts, he early Home forsook—‘Good-humoured, gay, yet one can well descry‘There’s much intelligence marked in his Eye;‘He’s oft detached with largish Flocks, and Droves‘To take advantage of the neighbouring Groves:‘I have not room his qualities to tell,‘He does his business, and he does it well;‘From sturdy Stem of Shropshire he’s a Limb,‘The proud Salopians may be proud of Him.

‘The First80who stands upon our Patron’s Book

‘For Foreign Parts, he early Home forsook—

‘Good-humoured, gay, yet one can well descry

‘There’s much intelligence marked in his Eye;

‘He’s oft detached with largish Flocks, and Droves

‘To take advantage of the neighbouring Groves:

‘I have not room his qualities to tell,

‘He does his business, and he does it well;

‘From sturdy Stem of Shropshire he’s a Limb,

‘The proud Salopians may be proud of Him.

‘Then there’s a rich old Shepherd,81fra’ the North,‘A braver Man ne’er stept on this side Forth.‘Tho’ master of a Farm, and oldish grown,‘He slighted all to serve with our Patron;‘Lively, and brisk, and, tho’ good-temper’d, rough—‘Scott’s praise of Him is scarcely praise enough.

‘Then there’s a rich old Shepherd,81fra’ the North,

‘A braver Man ne’er stept on this side Forth.

‘Tho’ master of a Farm, and oldish grown,

‘He slighted all to serve with our Patron;

‘Lively, and brisk, and, tho’ good-temper’d, rough—

‘Scott’s praise of Him is scarcely praise enough.

‘Here’s too a gaudy Shepherd,82come from Cheshire,‘Much like the rest I think, but rather fresher.‘The little I shall say needs no apology,‘The Speaker has, I know, pronounc’d his Eulogy.‘He manages the Mules, mark’d Red and Blue,‘Doing it well, he has enough to do.

‘Here’s too a gaudy Shepherd,82come from Cheshire,

‘Much like the rest I think, but rather fresher.

‘The little I shall say needs no apology,

‘The Speaker has, I know, pronounc’d his Eulogy.

‘He manages the Mules, mark’d Red and Blue,

‘Doing it well, he has enough to do.

‘Then there’s another Roister,83also, fra’ the North,‘And like his Countryman, as High in worth;‘I know him well, and my opinion’s such,‘Say what I will, I cannot say too much.‘With Southern Farmers, this may cause a Smile,‘The Scots are Farmers in superior Style.

‘Then there’s another Roister,83also, fra’ the North,

‘And like his Countryman, as High in worth;

‘I know him well, and my opinion’s such,

‘Say what I will, I cannot say too much.

‘With Southern Farmers, this may cause a Smile,

‘The Scots are Farmers in superior Style.

‘Another Shepherd84also in request‘Is very justly placed amongst the Best;‘Ardent, and Brave, for Glory does aspire,‘And such a sentiment one must admire.‘If any trifling fault we to him lay,‘He’s anxious over-much—for so they say.

‘Another Shepherd84also in request

‘Is very justly placed amongst the Best;

‘Ardent, and Brave, for Glory does aspire,

‘And such a sentiment one must admire.

‘If any trifling fault we to him lay,

‘He’s anxious over-much—for so they say.

‘Here’s a brisk Irish Lad85too, Devil a better,‘Who at the Vermin is a rattling Setter;‘Connected with the great Patron, ’tis true,‘But his Abilities will bear him through.

‘Here’s a brisk Irish Lad85too, Devil a better,

‘Who at the Vermin is a rattling Setter;

‘Connected with the great Patron, ’tis true,

‘But his Abilities will bear him through.

‘Fain would I now describe in Epigram‘A bold descendant of Sir David Gam.86‘Connected to this Taffy blood, we find‘A noble Soul, and an expansive Mind;‘In Fields of Glory he such progress made,‘His Laurels now afford him ample Shade.

‘Fain would I now describe in Epigram

‘A bold descendant of Sir David Gam.86

‘Connected to this Taffy blood, we find

‘A noble Soul, and an expansive Mind;

‘In Fields of Glory he such progress made,

‘His Laurels now afford him ample Shade.

‘Another too, a lively Irish Fellow,87‘Time, perhaps, may soften down, and render mellow;‘Impetuous by Nature, often Rash,‘But Stout, and Sturdy, famous at a Dash.

‘Another too, a lively Irish Fellow,87

‘Time, perhaps, may soften down, and render mellow;

‘Impetuous by Nature, often Rash,

‘But Stout, and Sturdy, famous at a Dash.

‘And one more fra’ the North,88that I must mention,‘Who’s influenc’d no doubt by just intention;‘For Zeal, and Ardour he to none may yield,‘And thought an active Fellow in the Field.‘One more89I’ll mention, as I think it fair,‘That where there’s merit, it should have its share;‘Bold, Active, Mild, Intelligent, and Pleasant,‘Liked by his charge, from Herdsman to the Peasant.

‘And one more fra’ the North,88that I must mention,

‘Who’s influenc’d no doubt by just intention;

‘For Zeal, and Ardour he to none may yield,

‘And thought an active Fellow in the Field.

‘One more89I’ll mention, as I think it fair,

‘That where there’s merit, it should have its share;

‘Bold, Active, Mild, Intelligent, and Pleasant,

‘Liked by his charge, from Herdsman to the Peasant.

‘There’s Lots of others too, most Gallant Spirits,‘Volumes would not do justice to their merits;‘Suffice it must to say, their Country’s weal‘Can never be sustain’d by nobler Zeal.

‘There’s Lots of others too, most Gallant Spirits,

‘Volumes would not do justice to their merits;

‘Suffice it must to say, their Country’s weal

‘Can never be sustain’d by nobler Zeal.

‘I’ll now describe how is arrang’d the Stock,‘The distribution of each Herd, and Flock:‘A Master Shepherd is attach’d to each,‘The whole to manage, ignorant to teach.‘A Junior to each Flock, Clerk, Surveyor,90‘A Whipper-in also, to catch the Strayer,—‘Herdsmen and Salesmen91—perhaps two Dogs or more,‘To scare away the Vermin with their Roar;‘These, well dispos’d, and parcell’d o’er the Land,‘At once pourtrays the able Master’s Hand.‘All are so excellent, and in such Heart,‘Thirsting for Glory, panting for the Start.

‘I’ll now describe how is arrang’d the Stock,

‘The distribution of each Herd, and Flock:

‘A Master Shepherd is attach’d to each,

‘The whole to manage, ignorant to teach.

‘A Junior to each Flock, Clerk, Surveyor,90

‘A Whipper-in also, to catch the Strayer,—

‘Herdsmen and Salesmen91—perhaps two Dogs or more,

‘To scare away the Vermin with their Roar;

‘These, well dispos’d, and parcell’d o’er the Land,

‘At once pourtrays the able Master’s Hand.

‘All are so excellent, and in such Heart,

‘Thirsting for Glory, panting for the Start.

‘Some Flocks there are, the produce of those Lands,‘Whose Shepherds were not reckon’d able Hands:‘’Twas evident their Stock should be new moulded,‘And under skilful Hands, fresh Penn’d, and Folded.92‘An Irish Shepherd,93now a Patron named,‘Who for Interior management was famed,‘Was bid to put, and in good order keep,‘This Lot of loose, disorder’d, scurvy Sheep.‘It was an arduous job, with danger fraught,‘And justly so describ’d by Mr. Scott.‘But, ere he could this business undertake,‘Some Shepherds,94Herdsmen, Hinds, was forced to make,‘Many from Britain, most from Ireland chose,‘Interest, they say, in this did interpose.‘There’s something always blameable appears,‘Whate’er’s the job, where interest interferes;‘But in this case, amongst the Numbers sent,‘Saving a Few, the rest were excellent,—‘Who by their Skill, and active perseverance,‘Soon gave the Flocks a different appearance,—‘And in small Herds, now Brousing with the rest,‘Are estimated as the Second best.‘Their Herdsmen too, once ignorant no doubt,‘Seem now to understand what they’re about.‘There’s also come, I’m told, some Fam’d Borachios,95‘With shortish Tails, but monstrous large Mustachios;‘One really would suppose, from their D——d braying,‘No Vermin in the Country dare be staying.‘They’re wondrous favourites with the Squire, I’ve heard,—‘Some think their Trappings foolish, and absurd.‘Their Herdsman too, tho’ he so often blunders,‘At home has got the Name for doing wonders.‘Be that as’t may—tho’ this Drove came the latest,‘They’re much the finest Asses, and the Greatest:‘But really I do think, when forward Straying,‘They’ll in a Gallant Style make good their Braying.‘From Lisbon, also, on the Road to join,‘Is a prime Lot of Large, and Royal Swine;96‘They’re no great Favourites with the Farmer’s Heir,‘And that He’d sell them all did oft declare.‘He’s of a different turn, and rests his Basis‘On rearing up a famous Breed of Asses.‘As for these Swine, I’m told they’re large, and good,‘At first were much averse to foreign Food.‘Such a wild Row was kick’d up by the Brutes,‘’Twas all dismay, disasters, and disputes:‘As for dismay each bristled up his Chine,‘Grunted for finest Wheat, and then for Wine,‘Then for disaster, their Swineherds pretend,‘They chose to Roam, refused to be close Penn’d.‘Disputes they had, no doubt, one with another,‘The Swine, and Swineherds grunted at each other.‘No wonder that these Animals play’d tricks,‘Their Senior Swineherds all, they say, are Sticks.97

‘Some Flocks there are, the produce of those Lands,

‘Whose Shepherds were not reckon’d able Hands:

‘’Twas evident their Stock should be new moulded,

‘And under skilful Hands, fresh Penn’d, and Folded.92

‘An Irish Shepherd,93now a Patron named,

‘Who for Interior management was famed,

‘Was bid to put, and in good order keep,

‘This Lot of loose, disorder’d, scurvy Sheep.

‘It was an arduous job, with danger fraught,

‘And justly so describ’d by Mr. Scott.

‘But, ere he could this business undertake,

‘Some Shepherds,94Herdsmen, Hinds, was forced to make,

‘Many from Britain, most from Ireland chose,

‘Interest, they say, in this did interpose.

‘There’s something always blameable appears,

‘Whate’er’s the job, where interest interferes;

‘But in this case, amongst the Numbers sent,

‘Saving a Few, the rest were excellent,—

‘Who by their Skill, and active perseverance,

‘Soon gave the Flocks a different appearance,—

‘And in small Herds, now Brousing with the rest,

‘Are estimated as the Second best.

‘Their Herdsmen too, once ignorant no doubt,

‘Seem now to understand what they’re about.

‘There’s also come, I’m told, some Fam’d Borachios,95

‘With shortish Tails, but monstrous large Mustachios;

‘One really would suppose, from their D——d braying,

‘No Vermin in the Country dare be staying.

‘They’re wondrous favourites with the Squire, I’ve heard,—

‘Some think their Trappings foolish, and absurd.

‘Their Herdsman too, tho’ he so often blunders,

‘At home has got the Name for doing wonders.

‘Be that as’t may—tho’ this Drove came the latest,

‘They’re much the finest Asses, and the Greatest:

‘But really I do think, when forward Straying,

‘They’ll in a Gallant Style make good their Braying.

‘From Lisbon, also, on the Road to join,

‘Is a prime Lot of Large, and Royal Swine;96

‘They’re no great Favourites with the Farmer’s Heir,

‘And that He’d sell them all did oft declare.

‘He’s of a different turn, and rests his Basis

‘On rearing up a famous Breed of Asses.

‘As for these Swine, I’m told they’re large, and good,

‘At first were much averse to foreign Food.

‘Such a wild Row was kick’d up by the Brutes,

‘’Twas all dismay, disasters, and disputes:

‘As for dismay each bristled up his Chine,

‘Grunted for finest Wheat, and then for Wine,

‘Then for disaster, their Swineherds pretend,

‘They chose to Roam, refused to be close Penn’d.

‘Disputes they had, no doubt, one with another,

‘The Swine, and Swineherds grunted at each other.

‘No wonder that these Animals play’d tricks,

‘Their Senior Swineherds all, they say, are Sticks.97

‘A drove from Oxford too, are with the rest,‘And judges say, are much by far the Best.‘Loose as they are, the Patron has no doubt,‘Bold as the best, they’ll route the Vermin out.

‘A drove from Oxford too, are with the rest,

‘And judges say, are much by far the Best.

‘Loose as they are, the Patron has no doubt,

‘Bold as the best, they’ll route the Vermin out.

‘I’ve now to tell you, that in all Directions‘Dry Forage98is amassed in vast Collections,‘That when by heat, or cold the Grass is dead,‘’Tis from these Stores the Flocks & Droves are fed.‘Warerooms of Medicine, kept with the intent‘To cure those Sick, or hurt by accident.

‘I’ve now to tell you, that in all Directions

‘Dry Forage98is amassed in vast Collections,

‘That when by heat, or cold the Grass is dead,

‘’Tis from these Stores the Flocks & Droves are fed.

‘Warerooms of Medicine, kept with the intent

‘To cure those Sick, or hurt by accident.

‘In short, my Friend, without exaggeration,‘The whole reflects much credit on the Nation.‘A nobler Stock, more healthy and complete,‘Travel where’er you will, you’ll scarcely meet.‘No doubt Material has been well supplied;‘But in your judgment you will soon decide,‘That raw Materials, spoil without the aid‘Of Workmen highly eminent in Trade,—‘So, the perfection of this Stock alone‘Springs from the genius of our great Patron.’

‘In short, my Friend, without exaggeration,

‘The whole reflects much credit on the Nation.

‘A nobler Stock, more healthy and complete,

‘Travel where’er you will, you’ll scarcely meet.

‘No doubt Material has been well supplied;

‘But in your judgment you will soon decide,

‘That raw Materials, spoil without the aid

‘Of Workmen highly eminent in Trade,—

‘So, the perfection of this Stock alone

‘Springs from the genius of our great Patron.’

N. B.‘One word, or two I merely wish to say,‘A trifling circumstance, about the Pay:99‘If an Artificer a Work engages,‘He contracts to receive a certain Wages;‘If that’s withheld, he strikes—but here ’tis clear,‘Our’s daily strike, tho’ paid but once a Year.‘They only Strike, ’tis true; but when we need ’em,‘Then not for Lucre, but their Country’s freedom.‘Grumble they don’t, but yet it would be best,‘To have, no doubt, some little in the Chest.’

N. B.

‘One word, or two I merely wish to say,

‘A trifling circumstance, about the Pay:99

‘If an Artificer a Work engages,

‘He contracts to receive a certain Wages;

‘If that’s withheld, he strikes—but here ’tis clear,

‘Our’s daily strike, tho’ paid but once a Year.

‘They only Strike, ’tis true; but when we need ’em,

‘Then not for Lucre, but their Country’s freedom.

‘Grumble they don’t, but yet it would be best,

‘To have, no doubt, some little in the Chest.’

John having thus transcrib’d all he’d Collected,The Letter sent, as honest Dad directed.

John having thus transcrib’d all he’d Collected,

The Letter sent, as honest Dad directed.

The Summer Solstice did with strides advance—The Chief jocosely said, ‘Prepare for France,’The joke passed on, but yet it will appear,There was more meaning lurk’d than met the Ear.His wond’rous projects now might be effected,Success must crown where’er his power directed.Tho’ in Field-sports he join’d for recreationHis Nobler pursuits kept in reservation.A Gallant Army, in the finest state,Panting for glory, did his nod await.The toils, and labours of the late Campaigns,His great exertions, all his cares, and Pains,Were well repaid—for now he could fulfilThe boldest object of his Mighty Will.

The Summer Solstice did with strides advance—

The Chief jocosely said, ‘Prepare for France,’

The joke passed on, but yet it will appear,

There was more meaning lurk’d than met the Ear.

His wond’rous projects now might be effected,

Success must crown where’er his power directed.

Tho’ in Field-sports he join’d for recreation

His Nobler pursuits kept in reservation.

A Gallant Army, in the finest state,

Panting for glory, did his nod await.

The toils, and labours of the late Campaigns,

His great exertions, all his cares, and Pains,

Were well repaid—for now he could fulfil

The boldest object of his Mighty Will.

Now busy rumour of anticipationWhispers the general movement from each Station.And now the Staff, with air of consequence,A question cannot solve on no pretence—‘When do we move? you know; come, tell us, pray.’You move him not—he gravely moves away;His chill reserve, his cold repulsive mien,But hides the mighty nothings of his brain.‘Here,Newcome’s in the secret; he will tell us.’‘No, D—n me if I can, my honest Fellows.‘I’ll tell you what, my Boys, ’tis my belief,‘There’s no one in the secret but our Chief,‘The advantages of secresy he knows,‘No one can tell, what no one can disclose.’As for John’s part, whether ’twere False, or True,He freely told the trifle that he knew;It was a littleness he did despise,The poor conceit of being suspected Wise;But with the World he saw, that was the rule,The resource, and refuge, of each Fool.

Now busy rumour of anticipation

Whispers the general movement from each Station.

And now the Staff, with air of consequence,

A question cannot solve on no pretence—

‘When do we move? you know; come, tell us, pray.’

You move him not—he gravely moves away;

His chill reserve, his cold repulsive mien,

But hides the mighty nothings of his brain.

‘Here,Newcome’s in the secret; he will tell us.’

‘No, D—n me if I can, my honest Fellows.

‘I’ll tell you what, my Boys, ’tis my belief,

‘There’s no one in the secret but our Chief,

‘The advantages of secresy he knows,

‘No one can tell, what no one can disclose.’

As for John’s part, whether ’twere False, or True,

He freely told the trifle that he knew;

It was a littleness he did despise,

The poor conceit of being suspected Wise;

But with the World he saw, that was the rule,

The resource, and refuge, of each Fool.

’Twas now the middle of the Month of May,When o’er the Hills the Warlike Hosts display—The Colours waving in the flitting Wind,The lengthened Columns tailing far behind.Now the steep Mountain-cliff their steps assail,Again descending, Wind into the Vale.The undulating Columns o’er the PlainProclaim a Host in motion once again.Fain would my Muse depict the Warlike scenery,The awful Grandeur of the vast Machinery;Fain make familiar to imaginationTh’ effect of moving War by combination;Fain teach unletter’d Minds to understand,The nice cohesion of the Warlike band—With diffidence, this object to obtain,I’ll try the subject in my humble Strain.

’Twas now the middle of the Month of May,

When o’er the Hills the Warlike Hosts display—

The Colours waving in the flitting Wind,

The lengthened Columns tailing far behind.

Now the steep Mountain-cliff their steps assail,

Again descending, Wind into the Vale.

The undulating Columns o’er the Plain

Proclaim a Host in motion once again.

Fain would my Muse depict the Warlike scenery,

The awful Grandeur of the vast Machinery;

Fain make familiar to imagination

Th’ effect of moving War by combination;

Fain teach unletter’d Minds to understand,

The nice cohesion of the Warlike band—

With diffidence, this object to obtain,

I’ll try the subject in my humble Strain.

Full Eighty thousand Men, in partial Bands,Extending wide in Quarters o’er the Lands;All well equipp’d, by Winter’s preparation,In order most complete to quit each Station.Cheerful, Repose, and Luxury they yield,Following their Mighty Chieftain to the Field;And thus in part the Warlike arts display’dThis numerous force, so skilfully array’d.In various Bodies, Marching to one Point,Communication kept, and no disjoint;Parallel move—so uniformly Led,None deviate, no Column shoots a-head.So well preserve the distance from each other,Contiguous Columns flanking one another.Day, after Day, this rigidly maintainO’er the rude Mountain, or extended Plain.Then Glittering Herds of Cavalry appear,Advanced in Front, on Flank, or in the Rear:So form’d, so organiz’d, this Mighty Host,All know their Station, every Man his Post.Can ought be seen more wond’rous, more Sublime,This great Machine in motion at one time;So well dispos’d, and all so closely cling,Receiving impulse from one active Spring?’Twas thus our Army open’d the Campaign,And Lusitania left, to burst on Spain.

Full Eighty thousand Men, in partial Bands,

Extending wide in Quarters o’er the Lands;

All well equipp’d, by Winter’s preparation,

In order most complete to quit each Station.

Cheerful, Repose, and Luxury they yield,

Following their Mighty Chieftain to the Field;

And thus in part the Warlike arts display’d

This numerous force, so skilfully array’d.

In various Bodies, Marching to one Point,

Communication kept, and no disjoint;

Parallel move—so uniformly Led,

None deviate, no Column shoots a-head.

So well preserve the distance from each other,

Contiguous Columns flanking one another.

Day, after Day, this rigidly maintain

O’er the rude Mountain, or extended Plain.

Then Glittering Herds of Cavalry appear,

Advanced in Front, on Flank, or in the Rear:

So form’d, so organiz’d, this Mighty Host,

All know their Station, every Man his Post.

Can ought be seen more wond’rous, more Sublime,

This great Machine in motion at one time;

So well dispos’d, and all so closely cling,

Receiving impulse from one active Spring?

’Twas thus our Army open’d the Campaign,

And Lusitania left, to burst on Spain.

Thus our great Captain led his gallant Band,O’er the wide Plains of Leon’s fertile Land;Whilst all the Gallic Force, the Hostile Foe,Directed by Gazon, and great King Joe,Spread o’er the Country round, in varied Route,Bewilder’d in perplexity, and doubt:When t’wards the South their eager looks addrest,The Allied Troops surpriz’d them from the West;With all their Force array’d on Douro’s Bank,Our skilful Hero took them on the Flank;From Salamanca bravely chased them forth,And drove them in dismay towards the North.Burgos blown up, Pencorva forc’d to yield,Nor check’d their flight ’till reach’d Vittoria’s Field.Whilst o’er the Mountains, Bands of Spaniards100prowl,With little order, and with less controul;While desolation o’er their Country spread,The High-toned Blood, the Warlike soul was fled;Whate’er the Cause, the Motive, or the Reason,By Fraud, by Threats, by Artifice, or Treason,Whilst Hosts on Hosts did in succession grow,Judge from events, they merely were for Show;With other Troops they hold no sort of Rivalry,Cervantes quizz’d them out of all the Chivalry.Now all the Gallic force suspends its Flight,And at Vittoria Centre, and Unite;Joe, and Gazon had check’d its volitation,And in array the Army round it Station.Both Imbecile, and Vain, they treat with slightThe Hero and his Troops who’d caus’d their Flight.Puff’d with conceit, they Espionage neglected,So got a visit, sooner than expected.Tho’ he in Leon had their minds astonish’d,Joe, and his Chum were not to be admonish’d.For Joe was heard amidst his Dames to say,‘That our great Lord should Dine101with him that Day.‘And when he had prepar’d Ragouts and Soups,‘He’d take the noble Lord, and Route his Troops.’Forgetting he’d to deal with one so arch,Who on the Vaunter neatly stole a March.Then reconnoitring how they were dispos’d,To all his Generals his mind disclos’d—The one great object, anxious to obtain,‘To drive the Rascals fairly out of Spain.’On twenty-first of June, made DispositionTo force the Enemy from their Position.Full Sixty thousand Men, arrang’d in Sight(But more inclin’d, I think, to run than Fight),Tho’ seeming bent his progress to dispute,Receiv’d his Visit with a grand Salute.

Thus our great Captain led his gallant Band,

O’er the wide Plains of Leon’s fertile Land;

Whilst all the Gallic Force, the Hostile Foe,

Directed by Gazon, and great King Joe,

Spread o’er the Country round, in varied Route,

Bewilder’d in perplexity, and doubt:

When t’wards the South their eager looks addrest,

The Allied Troops surpriz’d them from the West;

With all their Force array’d on Douro’s Bank,

Our skilful Hero took them on the Flank;

From Salamanca bravely chased them forth,

And drove them in dismay towards the North.

Burgos blown up, Pencorva forc’d to yield,

Nor check’d their flight ’till reach’d Vittoria’s Field.

Whilst o’er the Mountains, Bands of Spaniards100prowl,

With little order, and with less controul;

While desolation o’er their Country spread,

The High-toned Blood, the Warlike soul was fled;

Whate’er the Cause, the Motive, or the Reason,

By Fraud, by Threats, by Artifice, or Treason,

Whilst Hosts on Hosts did in succession grow,

Judge from events, they merely were for Show;

With other Troops they hold no sort of Rivalry,

Cervantes quizz’d them out of all the Chivalry.

Now all the Gallic force suspends its Flight,

And at Vittoria Centre, and Unite;

Joe, and Gazon had check’d its volitation,

And in array the Army round it Station.

Both Imbecile, and Vain, they treat with slight

The Hero and his Troops who’d caus’d their Flight.

Puff’d with conceit, they Espionage neglected,

So got a visit, sooner than expected.

Tho’ he in Leon had their minds astonish’d,

Joe, and his Chum were not to be admonish’d.

For Joe was heard amidst his Dames to say,

‘That our great Lord should Dine101with him that Day.

‘And when he had prepar’d Ragouts and Soups,

‘He’d take the noble Lord, and Route his Troops.’

Forgetting he’d to deal with one so arch,

Who on the Vaunter neatly stole a March.

Then reconnoitring how they were dispos’d,

To all his Generals his mind disclos’d—

The one great object, anxious to obtain,

‘To drive the Rascals fairly out of Spain.’

On twenty-first of June, made Disposition

To force the Enemy from their Position.

Full Sixty thousand Men, arrang’d in Sight

(But more inclin’d, I think, to run than Fight),

Tho’ seeming bent his progress to dispute,

Receiv’d his Visit with a grand Salute.

First on our right the great, the gallant Hill,Obedient to our noble Chieftain’s will,The Enemy, tho’ strongly posted found,Their Left drove in—they quickly left the Ground.Dalhousie, Picton, then the conflict enter,Intrepidly advance against the Centre:This forc’d, they hastily commenced the flight,For Graham, boldly press’d upon their Right.Tho’ Cannon, Mortars, play’d from every partSufficient to appal the bravest heart—Tho’ show’rs of Bullets whizzing from each Spot(The French are rather partial to long Shot),Nor Shots, nor Shells, nor Legions in Array,Not for one moment check’d them on their Way;But Slow and Firm, progressively they move,And from each Post, the Hostile miscreants Drove.

First on our right the great, the gallant Hill,

Obedient to our noble Chieftain’s will,

The Enemy, tho’ strongly posted found,

Their Left drove in—they quickly left the Ground.

Dalhousie, Picton, then the conflict enter,

Intrepidly advance against the Centre:

This forc’d, they hastily commenced the flight,

For Graham, boldly press’d upon their Right.

Tho’ Cannon, Mortars, play’d from every part

Sufficient to appal the bravest heart—

Tho’ show’rs of Bullets whizzing from each Spot

(The French are rather partial to long Shot),

Nor Shots, nor Shells, nor Legions in Array,

Not for one moment check’d them on their Way;

But Slow and Firm, progressively they move,

And from each Post, the Hostile miscreants Drove.

In vain th’ embattl’d Foe, with Warlike Band,Bristled with Cannon, could the Charge withstand.Slaughter, and Death, on every side they meet,And only find their safety in Retreat.The fact was this, the Fellows ran away,Commenc’d their Flight so early in the Day;In haste the Road to Pampeluna took,And Ladies, Baggage, Cannon, all forsook;Fighting gave up, and had recourse to Cunning—They’re sure to beat us if it comes to Running.This I’ve observ’d, whene’er we Battle make,We overcome, but seldom overtake.And tho’ our Gallant Cavalry would fainHave shar’d the Glory of th’ ensanguin’d Plain,Their anxious wishes could not be effected,’Twas so by Ditches,102and Ravines, protected.Joe, and Gazon, as Generals, must be scouted—First out Manœuvred, then completely Routed.But of their Conduct, what we most upbraid is,They wanted Courage to protect their Ladies.Such dastards, as we generally find most,Secure themselves, the Devil take the hindmost,And now it was the Hussars103got their share,Took all the Coaches, Baggage, and the Fair.Not of their Gallantry I would speak slighting,No Troops, I’m sure, can beat them at fair Fighting.This was the Day on which our Gallant JohnWould crown his Fame, as he had told upon:Being by Order of his Chief dispatch’d—Bent on his purpose, he th’ occasion watch’d;Eager in search of Glory, and Renown,Dash’d, with some Hussars, boldly into Town.

In vain th’ embattl’d Foe, with Warlike Band,

Bristled with Cannon, could the Charge withstand.

Slaughter, and Death, on every side they meet,

And only find their safety in Retreat.

The fact was this, the Fellows ran away,

Commenc’d their Flight so early in the Day;

In haste the Road to Pampeluna took,

And Ladies, Baggage, Cannon, all forsook;

Fighting gave up, and had recourse to Cunning—

They’re sure to beat us if it comes to Running.

This I’ve observ’d, whene’er we Battle make,

We overcome, but seldom overtake.

And tho’ our Gallant Cavalry would fain

Have shar’d the Glory of th’ ensanguin’d Plain,

Their anxious wishes could not be effected,

’Twas so by Ditches,102and Ravines, protected.

Joe, and Gazon, as Generals, must be scouted—

First out Manœuvred, then completely Routed.

But of their Conduct, what we most upbraid is,

They wanted Courage to protect their Ladies.

Such dastards, as we generally find most,

Secure themselves, the Devil take the hindmost,

And now it was the Hussars103got their share,

Took all the Coaches, Baggage, and the Fair.

Not of their Gallantry I would speak slighting,

No Troops, I’m sure, can beat them at fair Fighting.

This was the Day on which our Gallant John

Would crown his Fame, as he had told upon:

Being by Order of his Chief dispatch’d—

Bent on his purpose, he th’ occasion watch’d;

Eager in search of Glory, and Renown,

Dash’d, with some Hussars, boldly into Town.

Joe, who had heard of the Hussars’ approach,Had with his Ladies hustled to his Coach;There, finding they were close upon his Back,Quickly104bounc’d out, and jump’d upon a Hack;In wild disorder, and in strange dismay,Spurr’d thro’ the Crowd, in hopes to steal away.

Joe, who had heard of the Hussars’ approach,

Had with his Ladies hustled to his Coach;

There, finding they were close upon his Back,

Quickly104bounc’d out, and jump’d upon a Hack;

In wild disorder, and in strange dismay,

Spurr’d thro’ the Crowd, in hopes to steal away.

Our Hero, in mean time, dash’d to and fro,By accident o’ertook poor scampering Joe—And with his Sabre lent him such a Lick,’Twas lucky that poor Joe’s skull was Thick,Who, to avoid the Blow, was stooping down—The Sabre from his Hat, cut off the Crown.Whilst hapless Joe, escaping, tho’ full sad,He’d lost that Day the only Crown he had,But felt consol’d, when at a distance fled,His Crown had lost, but still had got his Head.

Our Hero, in mean time, dash’d to and fro,

By accident o’ertook poor scampering Joe—

And with his Sabre lent him such a Lick,

’Twas lucky that poor Joe’s skull was Thick,

Who, to avoid the Blow, was stooping down—

The Sabre from his Hat, cut off the Crown.

Whilst hapless Joe, escaping, tho’ full sad,

He’d lost that Day the only Crown he had,

But felt consol’d, when at a distance fled,

His Crown had lost, but still had got his Head.

John, in the bustle, thought Joe’s Head had tumbled,And ’mongst the Ladies furbelows was jumbled.

John, in the bustle, thought Joe’s Head had tumbled,

And ’mongst the Ladies furbelows was jumbled.

The poor Madames, arrested in their flight,Were sprawling in the Street, in woeful plight—Screaming, and fainting, prostrate sought protection,’Midst Hussars pillaging in all direction,Such struggling, rifling, squeezing, ’mongst the Folks,Whiskers, Mustachios, Petticoats, and Cloaks.When John, in eager search, fell oddly flat onMadame Gazon,105with Marshal Jourdon’s Baton;This charming Woman, tho’ a General’s Wife,Would much give up, in hopes to save her Life;And tho’ a careful Guardian of her honour,Freely resign’d whate’er John found upon her.Who rais’d the fair, and saw where she had sat,Not Joey’s Head, ’tis true, but bit of Hat.

The poor Madames, arrested in their flight,

Were sprawling in the Street, in woeful plight—

Screaming, and fainting, prostrate sought protection,

’Midst Hussars pillaging in all direction,

Such struggling, rifling, squeezing, ’mongst the Folks,

Whiskers, Mustachios, Petticoats, and Cloaks.

When John, in eager search, fell oddly flat on

Madame Gazon,105with Marshal Jourdon’s Baton;

This charming Woman, tho’ a General’s Wife,

Would much give up, in hopes to save her Life;

And tho’ a careful Guardian of her honour,

Freely resign’d whate’er John found upon her.

Who rais’d the fair, and saw where she had sat,

Not Joey’s Head, ’tis true, but bit of Hat.

John, who had long on Glory anxious bent,This Day succeeded to his heart’s content:Honour, renown, he fairly now bespoke,For this Day’s job had been a lucky Stroke.Joe’s Head was gone, no doubt—but what of that?He’d got the Baton, and the bit of Hat;So from the noise, and tumult in the Street,He led the lovely Lady, and her Suite;And in full hopes by politesse to win her,Gave Her poor Joey’s Bed, and Joey’s Dinner.The Battle o’er, the French to flight resign’d ’em,}Running as if the Devil was behind ’em,—}Field-pieces left to those who’d luck to find ’em.}And there I leave the Cowards to their fate,Whilst I of other matters shall relate.

John, who had long on Glory anxious bent,

This Day succeeded to his heart’s content:

Honour, renown, he fairly now bespoke,

For this Day’s job had been a lucky Stroke.

Joe’s Head was gone, no doubt—but what of that?

He’d got the Baton, and the bit of Hat;

So from the noise, and tumult in the Street,

He led the lovely Lady, and her Suite;

And in full hopes by politesse to win her,

Gave Her poor Joey’s Bed, and Joey’s Dinner.

The Battle o’er, the French to flight resign’d ’em,}

Running as if the Devil was behind ’em,—}

Field-pieces left to those who’d luck to find ’em.}

And there I leave the Cowards to their fate,

Whilst I of other matters shall relate.

The Victory gain’d, the Chieftain sought repose,When John in modest accents did discloseHis great exploits, the wond’rous Feats he’d done—The Trophies that he had so nobly won.

The Victory gain’d, the Chieftain sought repose,

When John in modest accents did disclose

His great exploits, the wond’rous Feats he’d done—

The Trophies that he had so nobly won.

The Chief, astonish’d, look’d with much amaze onThe Baton, bit of Hat, and Madame Gazon.

The Chief, astonish’d, look’d with much amaze on

The Baton, bit of Hat, and Madame Gazon.

The noble Chief in contemplation Sat,Admir’d the Dame, and archly touch’d the Hat:Tho’ at her charms in secret look’d askance,He, great, like Scipio, sent her back to France.And then, his humble duty to evince,Would send the Hat, and Baton, to the Prince.The Baton would be, in his Country’s Eyes,Deem’d both a noble, and a glorious Prize;And, p’rhaps, in spite of rumour, and of Chat,Some Folks might like a bit of Royal Hat.‘Newcomeshould have the honour to present,‘The Hat and Baton to the Prince Regent;‘Relate of Cannon taken, and the Pelf,106‘The Victory would best explain itself.’And now, almost as quick as I can tell,John found himself once more in dear Pall Mall.But, as he’d not from usual custom vary,In Chaise and Four, called on the Secretary.

The noble Chief in contemplation Sat,

Admir’d the Dame, and archly touch’d the Hat:

Tho’ at her charms in secret look’d askance,

He, great, like Scipio, sent her back to France.

And then, his humble duty to evince,

Would send the Hat, and Baton, to the Prince.

The Baton would be, in his Country’s Eyes,

Deem’d both a noble, and a glorious Prize;

And, p’rhaps, in spite of rumour, and of Chat,

Some Folks might like a bit of Royal Hat.

‘Newcomeshould have the honour to present,

‘The Hat and Baton to the Prince Regent;

‘Relate of Cannon taken, and the Pelf,106

‘The Victory would best explain itself.’

And now, almost as quick as I can tell,

John found himself once more in dear Pall Mall.

But, as he’d not from usual custom vary,

In Chaise and Four, called on the Secretary.

The Minister, with admiration struck,Soon advertised his Friends of their good Luck;This Victory, with all its consequences,Would seat them firmly on the Treasury Benches.Read the Dispatch—wrote off to the Lord Mayor,Who to the Cits should the great News declare;And they, Rich, Lusty Rogues, without alloy,As usual, Ate and Drank, to shew their joy.And now what hearty peals of exclamation,What Cannon firing, and what Conflagration;Such shouts, such grinning, ’mongst all Ranks of Men,You’d thought they ne’er would shut their mouths again.Such horizontal stretching of each Muzzle,Such Drinking healths, such roaring, and such Guzzle.But should some small mishap be buzz’d auricular,The horizontal would be perpendicular.

The Minister, with admiration struck,

Soon advertised his Friends of their good Luck;

This Victory, with all its consequences,

Would seat them firmly on the Treasury Benches.

Read the Dispatch—wrote off to the Lord Mayor,

Who to the Cits should the great News declare;

And they, Rich, Lusty Rogues, without alloy,

As usual, Ate and Drank, to shew their joy.

And now what hearty peals of exclamation,

What Cannon firing, and what Conflagration;

Such shouts, such grinning, ’mongst all Ranks of Men,

You’d thought they ne’er would shut their mouths again.

Such horizontal stretching of each Muzzle,

Such Drinking healths, such roaring, and such Guzzle.

But should some small mishap be buzz’d auricular,

The horizontal would be perpendicular.

John, who in most things had his share of Nouse,His humble duty left at Carlton House;And was inform’d, with certain pompous gravity(At Courts one seldom stumbles upon suavity),That He, the Hat, and Baton, Magnifique,Should be presented early in the Week;It was the R——t’s will, at sights so pleasant,The Q——n, and all her Ladies, should be present.Down to the ground our Hero made his bow,And to the Knight and Lady, off he flew.

John, who in most things had his share of Nouse,

His humble duty left at Carlton House;

And was inform’d, with certain pompous gravity

(At Courts one seldom stumbles upon suavity),

That He, the Hat, and Baton, Magnifique,

Should be presented early in the Week;

It was the R——t’s will, at sights so pleasant,

The Q——n, and all her Ladies, should be present.

Down to the ground our Hero made his bow,

And to the Knight and Lady, off he flew.

‘So, my dear John, you made poor Joey truckle’;Whilst at the Hat he slily gave a chuckle.My Lady, too, the Baton did explore—‘She’d never seen so fine a thing before.’Johnny then told them of his feats of Arms,Of Joe’s escape, and Madame Gazon’s charms.‘Come, John,’ says Dad, ‘from truth you cannot screen us;‘You were her Mars, my Boy, and she your Venus.’

‘So, my dear John, you made poor Joey truckle’;

Whilst at the Hat he slily gave a chuckle.

My Lady, too, the Baton did explore—

‘She’d never seen so fine a thing before.’

Johnny then told them of his feats of Arms,

Of Joe’s escape, and Madame Gazon’s charms.

‘Come, John,’ says Dad, ‘from truth you cannot screen us;

‘You were her Mars, my Boy, and she your Venus.’

John now at every House was in request,And every where receiv’d a welcome Guest.He thought he ne’er should finish with his Glory,So often pester’d to repeat the story.We give him credit there for a pretence,He rather lik’d being made of Consequence.The Battle, Trophies, Folks were so much wrapt in,They made a mighty bustle ’bout the Captain.Captain no more—for in the next Gazette,Tho’ envious ones did vastly fume and fret,In recompence for wonderous Renown,Who seiz’d a Baton, and cut off a Crown:As C——n for a precedent was quoted,Lieutenant Colonel107was at once Promoted.

John now at every House was in request,

And every where receiv’d a welcome Guest.

He thought he ne’er should finish with his Glory,

So often pester’d to repeat the story.

We give him credit there for a pretence,

He rather lik’d being made of Consequence.

The Battle, Trophies, Folks were so much wrapt in,

They made a mighty bustle ’bout the Captain.

Captain no more—for in the next Gazette,

Tho’ envious ones did vastly fume and fret,

In recompence for wonderous Renown,

Who seiz’d a Baton, and cut off a Crown:

As C——n for a precedent was quoted,

Lieutenant Colonel107was at once Promoted.

Back to Index Next