A THRIFTLESS BENEFIT.
He was a man of humble dress and humble mien, and when he entered the parlor of the rich manufacturer he was obviously dazed by the upholstery and the pictures—especially the upholstery.He had to wait ten minutes before the lord of the mansion appeared—a pompous man with an expanse of shirt, waistcoat and watchchain that were imposing, and a couple of whiskers that bristled in uncompromising pride. He looked at the meek figure seated on the edge of the least expensive chair, with a slight expression of scorn and irritation, and grunted, “Well, sir?”
“You must excuse me for coming,” said the diffident one, “but I wish to speak to you on a matter that is of the most vital importance to yourself.”
“What! Are the hands going to strike again? D—n them!”
“Oh, sir, please do not use such language. I have recently been discouraged from using it myself, and it does hurt my feelings so! I beg that you will not employ those terms, at least, in my presence.”
“What in the devil”——
“There you are again, sir, if you please. Don’t, I beg of you.”
“Well, go on.”
The visitor sank his voice to a thrilling undertone: “I am told that you have wine on your table.”
“Of course I have. What of it?”
“Beware of it, sir. There is death in the glass.”
“Those infernal, beg your pardon, mill hands, I’ll bet.”
“No, sir, not that. It is the wine itself. Keep to water. It isn’t very good just now, but you can filter it, or use it for tea.”
“Bah!”
“Oh, do not bah at it, sir. I’m pleading for your good. Again, I am informed that you smoke. Stop it, please, at once.”
“What! Even my cigars poisoned? This is horrible.”
“Tobacco is itself a poison, sir. Again, you were not at church last Sunday. Nor at prayer meeting on Friday night. I am told that you made no contribution last month for foreign missions. I am credibly informed that you have had no Bible readings in your house for years. There is a rumor that you belong to a club, and that you once played poker there.”
The millionaire, who had been growing crimson, now turned purple; his waistcoat inflated, his whiskers were like quills on the porcupine. He glared and sputtered, but could find no words.
“Then, too,” resumed the visitor in a meek tone, “I hear that you patronize theaters, and have even been to the opera; that you permit your family to spend large sums on trivial entertainments and personal adornment; that the amount you wasted on dinners last winter would have repaired the alms-house;that you never visit the hospitals and jails; that if you keep on in this selfish and wasteful course you are likely to become a nuisance to the neighborhood and a burden on the public; that”——
The rich man found his voice in a roar: “You audacious scoundrel! Get out of this, or I’ll kill you. How dare you come here and lecture me in my own house?” And overcome by wrath he fell into an arm chair and hissed.
“It’s strange that it doesn’t work both ways,” continued the meek one, reflectively, “Your wife and daughter called on me yesterday in the interests of the East Side Charitable Interference Society, of which you are president. They made me see the error of my course, and I was actuated only by a hope of accomplishing your moral improvement by coming here. For is not wine worse than beer? Are not perfectos more injurious to the health than pipes? Is not poker more expensive than pinocle? Is not your club more luxurious than the Peter H. Milligan Association, of which I used to be floor manager? Isn’t it as bad for you to go to theaters and stay away from prayers as it is for me? Oh, brother, let me plead with you to have more faith—to exercise more the gifts of the spirit. Let me”——
At this point the millionaire struggled out of an impending fit of apoplexy and threw a chair at themeek man, who escaped. And the East Side Charitable Interference Society never called on him again. It gave him up as a hopeless case.
Charles M. Skinner.