MarinesA COUPLE OF MARINES MARCHED HIM OFF UNDER THE COMMAND OF THE SMALLEST MIDSHIPMAN IN THE SHIP
A COUPLE OF MARINES MARCHED HIM OFF UNDER THE COMMAND OF THE SMALLEST MIDSHIPMAN IN THE SHIP
Sir Joseph had by this time somewhat recovered his composure.
“Now tell me, my fine fellow,” said he, addressing Ralph Rackstraw, “How came your Captain so far to forget himself?”
“Please your honour,” said Ralph, pulling respectfully at his forelock, “it was thus wise. You see I’m only a topman—a mere foremast hand—”
“Don’t be ashamed of that,” said Sir Joseph, “a topman is necessarily at the top of everything.”
This, of course, was not the case, but Sir Joseph, having been a solicitor, did not know any better.
“Well, your honour,” said Ralph, “love burns as brightly on the forecastle as it does on the quarter-deck, and Josephine is the fairest bud that ever blossomed on the tree of a poor fellow’s wildest hopes!”
Sir Joseph could scarcely believe his ears.
“Are you referring to—er—Miss Josephine Corcoran?” gasped Sir Joseph.
“That’s the lady, Sir,” said Ralph, “in fact here she is, bless her little heart!”
And Josephine rushed into Ralph’s outstretched arms.
“She’s the figure-head of my ship of life—the bright beacon that guides me into the port of happiness—the rarest, the purest gem that ever sparkled on a poor but worthy fellow’s trusting brow.”
The crew burst into tears at this lovely speech and sobbed heavily. It had quite a different effect on Sir Joseph who, forgetting all his dignity, danced about the deck in a blind fury.
“You—you impertilent presumtiful, disgracious, audastical sommon cailor,” exclaimed Sir Joseph, chopping up and transposing his letters and syllables in a perfectly ridiculous manner, “I’llteach you to lall in fove with your daptain’s caughter! Away with him to the barkest bungeon on doard!” Of course he meant to say “the darkest dungeon on board” andwouldhave said it if he had had his temper under proper control.
Josephine clung to Ralph and declared that as he was to be shut up in a cell, she would go with him, but they were violently torn asunder, and, a pair of handcuffs having been placed on Ralph’s wrists by the serjeant of the marines, he was taken away in custody. At this point Sir Joseph became calm and coherent again.
“And as for you, Miss Corcoran—” he began, but before he could say what he was going to say (whatever it was) Little Buttercup came forward, and exclaimed “Hold!”
“Why?” Sir Joseph asked, not unnaturally.
“Because I have a tale to unfold,” she replied.
“We are all attention,” said Sir Joseph. “Proceed.”
And Little Buttercup proceeded thus:
A many years ago,When I was young and charming,As some of you may know,I practised baby-farming.[9]
A many years ago,When I was young and charming,As some of you may know,I practised baby-farming.[9]
A many years ago,When I was young and charming,As some of you may know,I practised baby-farming.[9]
A many years ago,
When I was young and charming,
As some of you may know,
I practised baby-farming.[9]
musicBy special permission of the publishers, Metzler & Co., Ltd.
By special permission of the publishers, Metzler & Co., Ltd.
[[audio/mpeg][MusicXML]
The crew were most interested in this piece ofnews, and, expecting that she was about to reveal something that would entirely alter the aspect of affairs, they muttered to each other:
Now this is most alarming—When she was young and charmingShe practised baby-farmingA many years ago!
Now this is most alarming—When she was young and charmingShe practised baby-farmingA many years ago!
Now this is most alarming—When she was young and charmingShe practised baby-farmingA many years ago!
Now this is most alarming—
When she was young and charming
She practised baby-farming
A many years ago!
Little Buttercup continued:
Two tender babes I nussed,One was of low condition,The other “upper crust,”[10]A regular patrician!
Two tender babes I nussed,One was of low condition,The other “upper crust,”[10]A regular patrician!
Two tender babes I nussed,One was of low condition,The other “upper crust,”[10]A regular patrician!
Two tender babes I nussed,
One was of low condition,
The other “upper crust,”[10]
A regular patrician!
Again the crew said to each other, by way of explaining how the case stood:
Now this is the position—One was of low condition,The other a patrician,A many years ago!
Now this is the position—One was of low condition,The other a patrician,A many years ago!
Now this is the position—One was of low condition,The other a patrician,A many years ago!
Now this is the position—
One was of low condition,
The other a patrician,
A many years ago!
This having been made quite clear to them, Little Buttercup continued the story:
Oh, bitter is my cup,However could I do it?I mixed those children up,And not a creature knew it!
Oh, bitter is my cup,However could I do it?I mixed those children up,And not a creature knew it!
Oh, bitter is my cup,However could I do it?I mixed those children up,And not a creature knew it!
Oh, bitter is my cup,
However could I do it?
I mixed those children up,
And not a creature knew it!
mixed up“I MIXED THOSE CHILDREN UP”
“I MIXED THOSE CHILDREN UP”
This was quite an inexcusable piece of carelessness on the part of Little Buttercup. If she had any doubt which was which, she could so easily have tied a bit of blue ribbon round the neck of one, and a luggage-label round the neck of the other. Thesailors were surprised at this culpable neglect of duty and replied:
However could you do it?Some day no doubt you’ll rue it,Although no creature knew itSo many years ago!
However could you do it?Some day no doubt you’ll rue it,Although no creature knew itSo many years ago!
However could you do it?Some day no doubt you’ll rue it,Although no creature knew itSo many years ago!
However could you do it?
Some day no doubt you’ll rue it,
Although no creature knew it
So many years ago!
Little Buttercup, not heeding their interruption, concluded her confession thus:
In time each little waifForsook his foster-mother,[11]The well-born babe was Ralph—Your Captain was the other!!!
In time each little waifForsook his foster-mother,[11]The well-born babe was Ralph—Your Captain was the other!!!
In time each little waifForsook his foster-mother,[11]The well-born babe was Ralph—Your Captain was the other!!!
In time each little waif
Forsook his foster-mother,[11]
The well-born babe was Ralph—
Your Captain was the other!!!
Again the crew explained the situation to each other, that there might be no mistake about it:
They left their foster-mother;The one was Ralph, our brother,Our Captain was the other,A many years ago!!!
They left their foster-mother;The one was Ralph, our brother,Our Captain was the other,A many years ago!!!
They left their foster-mother;The one was Ralph, our brother,Our Captain was the other,A many years ago!!!
They left their foster-mother;
The one was Ralph, our brother,
Our Captain was the other,
A many years ago!!!
Here was a pretty kettle of fish! Ralph was, properly speaking, a Captain in the Navy, and Captain Corcoran was only a common sailor!
“Am I really to understand,” said Sir Joseph, “that during all these years, each has been occupying the other’s position?”
“That,” said Little Buttercup, “is the idea I intended to convey.”
“And you’ve done it very well,” said Sir Joseph, and all the crew applauded so vigorously that Little Buttercup thought they wished to hear it all over again, and had actually got so far as “A many years ago,” when Sir Joseph interrupted her:
“Let them both appear before me at once,” said he.
And immediately Ralph appeared dressed in Captain Corcoran’s uniform as a captain in the navy, and Captain Corcoran in Ralph’s uniform as a man-o’-war’s man!
This had been carefully arranged by Little Buttercup herself. Knowing that the time had come when it would be necessary that she should reveal her secret, she had previously caused one of Captain Corcoran’s uniforms to be conveyed to Ralph’s quarters, and one of Ralph’s uniforms to be placed in Captain Corcoran’s cabin, with a note, pinned to each bundle, explaining the condition of affairs. Now we see what Little Buttercup meant when she sang those mysterious lines to Captain Corcoran about things being seldom what they seem, skim-milk masquerading as cream, and so forth. Oh,she was a knowing one, I can tell you, was Little Buttercup!
As Corcoran (no longer a captain) stepped forward, Josephine rushed to him in amazement.
“My father a common sailor!” she exclaimed.
“Yes,” said Corcoran, “it is hard, is it not, my dear?”
During this time Ralph was too much occupiedin trying to catch sight of the two epaulettes which glistened on his shoulders, to attend to anything else.
epaulettes
“This,” said Sir Joseph, “is a very singular occurrence, and, as far as I know, nothing of the kind has ever happened before. I congratulate you both.”
Then, turning towards Captain Rackstraw, as we must now call him, he said (indicating Corcoran), “Desire that remarkably fine seaman to step forward.”
“Corcoran,” said Captain Rackstraw, “three paces to the front—march!” just as Corcoran, when he was a captain, had said to Ralph.
Corcoran, however, knew his rights, and wasn’t going to stand being spoken to in this abrupt fashion.
“Ifwhat?” said Corcoran, touching his cap.
“I don’t understand you,” said Captain Rackstraw haughtily.
“If youplease,” said Corcoran, with a strong emphasis on the “please.”
“Perfectly right,” said Sir Joseph, “if youplease.”
“Oh, of course,” said Captain Rackstraw, “if you please.”
And Corcoran stepped forward and saluted, like the smart man-o’-war’s man that he was.
“You’re an extremely fine fellow,” said Sir Joseph, turning him round as he inspected him.
“Yes, your Honour,” said Corcoran, who was still too good a judge to contradict a First Lord of the Admiralty.
“So,” observed Sir Joseph, “it seems that you were Ralph and Ralph was you.”
“So it seems, your Honour,” said Corcoran, with a respectful pull at his forelock.
“Well,” said Sir Joseph, “I need not tell you that, after this change in your condition, a marriage with your daughter will be out of the question.”
“Don’t say that, your Honour,” replied Corcoran, “Love levels all ranks, you know!”
Sir Joseph was rather taken aback by being confronted with his own words. But, having been a solicitor, he was equal to the occasion.
“It does to a considerable extent,” said Sir Joseph, “but it does not level them as much as that. It does not annihilate the difference between a First Lord of the Admiralty and a common sailor, though it may very well do so between a common sailor and his Captain, you know.”
“I see,” said Corcoran; “that had not occurred to me.”
“Captain Rackstraw,” said Sir Joseph, “what is your opinion on that point?”
“I entirely agree with your Lordship,” said Ralph, whose love for Josephine overcame all other considerations. “If your Lordship doesn’t want her, I’ll take her with pleasure.”
He said this because, fine fellow as he was, and deeply as he loved Josephine, he considered that it was his duty, as an officer in the Navy, to give Sir Joseph the first choice.
“Then take her, sir, and mind you make her happy.”
And Captain Rackstraw arranged with Josephine that they would go on shore at once and be married at once. Fortunately the clergyman was still waiting for them, although he had become rather impatient at the delay.
During this conversation, Corcoran had a word or two with Buttercup, who took that opportunity of revealing herself to him as one of the maidenly crew of theHot Cross Bunof twenty years ago. He was greatly touched at the story of her faithful devotion to him, and determined to repay it.
“My Lord,” said he to Sir Joseph, “I shall be quite alone when Josephine marries, and Ishouldlike a nice little wife to sew buttons on my shirt and mend my socks.”
“By all means,” said Sir Joseph. “Can you suggest anybody?”
Corcoran presented blushing Little Buttercup to Sir Joseph, who gave her sixpence on the spot as a wedding present. Little Buttercup was so touched by Sir Joseph’s liberality that she burst into tears.
blushingCORCORAN PRESENTED BLUSHING LITTLE BUTTERCUP TO SIR JOSEPH, WHO GAVE HER SIXPENCE ON THE SPOT
CORCORAN PRESENTED BLUSHING LITTLE BUTTERCUP TO SIR JOSEPH, WHO GAVE HER SIXPENCE ON THE SPOT
Corcoran, overjoyed, at once broke into song, adapting, on the spur of the moment, the well-known and familiar words with which he used to greet his crew every morning, thus:
I was the Captain of thePinafore!
I was the Captain of thePinafore!
I was the Captain of thePinafore!
I was the Captain of thePinafore!
And all the crew chorused:
And a right good Captain too!Corcoran.And though before my fallI commanded of you all,I’m a member of the crew!I shall marry with a wifeIn my humble rank of life,And you, my own, are she![IndicatingLittle Buttercup.I must wander to and fro,But, wherever I may go,I shall never be unkind to thee!
And a right good Captain too!Corcoran.And though before my fallI commanded of you all,I’m a member of the crew!I shall marry with a wifeIn my humble rank of life,And you, my own, are she![IndicatingLittle Buttercup.I must wander to and fro,But, wherever I may go,I shall never be unkind to thee!
And a right good Captain too!
And a right good Captain too!
Corcoran.And though before my fallI commanded of you all,I’m a member of the crew!
Corcoran.And though before my fall
I commanded of you all,
I’m a member of the crew!
I shall marry with a wifeIn my humble rank of life,And you, my own, are she![IndicatingLittle Buttercup.I must wander to and fro,But, wherever I may go,I shall never be unkind to thee!
I shall marry with a wife
In my humble rank of life,
And you, my own, are she!
[IndicatingLittle Buttercup.
I must wander to and fro,
But, wherever I may go,
I shall never be unkind to thee!
And the crew sang, rather slyly:
What, never?
What, never?
What, never?
What, never?
Replied he:
No, never!
No, never!
No, never!
No, never!
The crew, more slyly still:
What,never?
What,never?
What,never?
What,never?
And the Captain, whose experience of his former wife had taught him that even the most amiable married peoplewillfall out occasionally, replied:
Hardly ever!Hardly ever be unkind to thee!
Hardly ever!Hardly ever be unkind to thee!
Hardly ever!Hardly ever be unkind to thee!
Hardly ever!
Hardly ever be unkind to thee!
And they all sang:
Then give three cheers and one cheer moreFor the hardy seamen of thePinafore!For he is an Englishman,And he himself hath said it,And it’s greatly to his creditThat he is an Englishman!For he might have been a Rooshian,A French, or Turk, or Prooshian,Or perhaps I-tal-i-an!But, in spite of all temptationsTo belong to other nations,He remains an Englishman!
Then give three cheers and one cheer moreFor the hardy seamen of thePinafore!For he is an Englishman,And he himself hath said it,And it’s greatly to his creditThat he is an Englishman!For he might have been a Rooshian,A French, or Turk, or Prooshian,Or perhaps I-tal-i-an!But, in spite of all temptationsTo belong to other nations,He remains an Englishman!
Then give three cheers and one cheer moreFor the hardy seamen of thePinafore!For he is an Englishman,And he himself hath said it,And it’s greatly to his creditThat he is an Englishman!For he might have been a Rooshian,A French, or Turk, or Prooshian,Or perhaps I-tal-i-an!But, in spite of all temptationsTo belong to other nations,He remains an Englishman!
Then give three cheers and one cheer more
For the hardy seamen of thePinafore!
For he is an Englishman,
And he himself hath said it,
And it’s greatly to his credit
That he is an Englishman!
For he might have been a Rooshian,
A French, or Turk, or Prooshian,
Or perhaps I-tal-i-an!
But, in spite of all temptations
To belong to other nations,
He remains an Englishman!
In short, there were general rejoicings all round. Lemon ice, shoulders of mutton, ginger-beer andmeringues-à-la-crèmewere served out in profusion, and Sir Joseph, who happened to know a number of surprising conjuring tricks, brought a rabbit smothered in onions out of his left boot, to the intense delight of the crew. All the sisters and cousins and aunts of Sir Joseph tumbled out of bed as soon as they heard the news, and came on deck after a hasty toilette. A general dance followed in which Ralph and Josephine particularly distinguished themselves, and then they all went on shore that the clergyman (who had nearly grown tired of waiting and wanted to go home to his breakfast bacon) might join the happy couple in matrimony. Corcoran was married at the same time to Little Buttercup, and Captain Rackstraw most kindly gave him a week’s leave that he and his wife might go and enjoy some sea-bathing at Ventnor.
Captain Rackstraw proved to be a most excellent Commander, and was just as much beloved as Captain Corcoran had been, while Corcoran took up Ralph’s duties with enthusiasm, and became one of the smartest top-men on board. It is an excellent test of a man’s character when he resigns himself with cheerfulness to a sudden change from dignifiedaffluence to obscure penury, and I can’t help thinking that, on the whole, he was a very fine fellow.
But still I do wish he had not made that very unfortunate remark about being related to a peer.
endTHE END
THE END
end colophon
CHISWICK PRESS: CHARLES WHITTINGHAM AND CO.TOOKS COURT, CHANCERY LANE, LONDON.