Lop.
A Lawyer, that entangles all mens honesties,
And lives like a Spider in a Cobweb lurking,
And catching at all Flies, that pass his pit-falls?
Puts powder to all States, to make 'em caper?
Would he trust you? Do you deserve?
Die.
I find, Gentlemen,
This Cataplasm of a well cozen'd Lawyer
Laid to my stomach, lenifies my Feaver,
Methinks I could eat now, and walk a little.
Bar.
I am asham'd to feel how flat I am cheated,
How grossly, and maliciously made a May-game,
A damned trick; my Wife, my Wife, some Rascal:
My Credit, and my Wife, some lustful Villain,
Some Bawd, some Rogue.
Ars.
Some crafty Fool has found ye:
This 'tis, Sir, to teach ye to be too busie,
To covet all the gains, and all the rumours,
To have a stirring Oare in all mens actions.
Lop.
We did this, but to vex your fine officiousness.
Bar.
Good yield ye, and good thank ye: I am fooled, Gentlemen;
The Lawyer is an Ass, I do confess it,
A weak dull shallow Ass: good even to your Worships:
Vicar, remember Vicar, Rascal, remember,
Thou notable rich Rascal.
Die.
I do remember, Sir,
'Pray ye stay a little, I have ev'n two Legacies
To make your mouth up, Sir.
Bar.
Remember Varlets,
Quake and remember, Rogues;
I have brine for your Buttocks.
[Exit.
Lop.
Oh how he frets, and fumes now like a Dunghil!
Die.
His gall contains fine stuff now to make poysons,
Rare damned stuff.
Ars.
Let's after him, and still vex him,
And take my Friend off: by this time he has prosper'd,
He cannot lose this dear time: 'tis impossible.
Mil.
WellDiego, thou hast done.
Lop.
Hast done it daintily.
Mil.
And shalt be as well paid, Boy—
Ars.
Go, let's crucifie him.
[Exeunt.
SCENA VI.
EnterAmaranta, Leandro.
Lean.
I have told ye all my story, and how desperately.
Ama.
I do believe: let's walk on, time is pretious,
Not to be spent in words, here no more wooing,
The open Air's an enemy to Lovers,
Do as I tell ye.
Lean.
I'le do any thing,
I am so over-[joy'd], I'le fly to serve ye.
Am.
Take your joy moderately, as it is ministred,
And as the cause invites: that man's a fool
That at the sight o'th' Bond, dances and leaps,
Then is the true joy, when the mony comes.
Lean.
You cannot now deny me.
Ama. Nay, you know not,
Women have crotchets, and strange fits.
Lean.
You shall not.
Ama.
Hold ye to that and swear it confidently,
Then I shall make a scruple to deny ye:
'Pray ye let's step in, and see a friend of mine,
The weather's sharp: we'll stay but half an hour,
We may be miss'd else: a private fine house 'tis, Sir,
And we may find many good welcomes.
Lean.
Do Lady,
Do happy Lady.
Ama.
All your mind's of doing,
You must be modester.
Lean.
I will be any thing.
[Exeunt.
SCENA VII.
EnterBartolus.
Bar.
Open the doors, and give me room to chafe in
Mine own room, and my liberty: why Maid there,
Open I say, and do not anger me,
I am subject to much fury: when, ye Dish-clout?
When do ye come? asleep ye lazie Hell-hound?
Nothing intended, but your ease, and eating?
No body here? why Wife, why Wife? why Jewel?
No tongue to answer me? pre'thee, good Pupil,
Dispense a little with thy careful study,
And step to th' door, and let me in; nor he neither?
Ha! not at's study? nor asleep? nor no body?
I'le make ye hear: the house of ignorance,
No sound inhabits here: I have a Key yet
That commands all: I fear I am Metamorphiz'd.
EnterLopez, Arsenio, Milanes, Diego.
Lop.
He keeps his fury still, and may do mischief.
Mil.
He shall be hang'd first, we'll be sticklers there, boys.
Die.
The hundred thousand Dreams now, that possess him
Of jealousie, and of revenge, and frailtie,
Of drawing Bills against us, and Petitions.
Lop.
And casting what his credit shall recover.
Mil.
Let him cast till his Maw come up, we care not.
You shall be still secured. [A great noise within.
Die.
We'll pay him home then;
Hark what a noise he keeps within!
Lop.
Certain
H'as set his Chimneys o' fire, or the Devil roars there.
Die.
The Codixes o'th' Law are broke loose, Gentlemen.
Ars.
He's fighting sure.
Die.
I'le tell ye that immediately—
[Exit.
Mil.
Or doing some strange out-rage on himself.
Ars.
Hang him, he dares not be so valiant.
Enter
Diego.
Die.
There's no body at home, and he chafes like a Lyon,
And stinks withal. [Noise still.
Lop. No body?
Die.
Not a Creature,
Nothing within, but he and his Law-tempest,
The Ladles, Dishes, Kettles, how they flie all!
And how the Glasses through the Rooms!
EnterBartolus.
Ars.
My friend sure
Has got her out, and now he has made an end on't.
Lop.
See where the Sea comes? how it foams, and brustles?
The great Leviathan o'th' Law, how it tumbles?
Bar.
Made every way an Ass? abus'd on all sides?
And from all quarters, people come to laugh at me?
Rise like a Comet, to be wonder'd at?
A horrid Comet, for Boys tongues, and Ballads?
I will run from my wits.
EnterAmaranta, Leandro.
Ars.
Do, do, good Lawyer,
And from thy mony too, then thou wilt be quiet.
Mil.
Here she comes home: now mark the salutations;
How like an Ass my friend goes?
Ars.
She has pull'd his ears down.
Bar.
Now, what sweet voyage? to what Garden, Lady?
Or to what Cousins house?
Ama.
Is this my welcome?
I cannot go to Church, but thus I am scandal'd,
Use no devotion for my soul, but Gentlemen—
Bar.
To Church?
Amar.
Yes, and ye keep sweet youths to wait upon me,
Sweet bred-up youths, to be a credit to me.
There's your delight again, pray take him to ye,