In this therefore (say the
Platonists
) consists the Punishment of a voluptuous Man after Death: He is tormented with Desires which it is impossible for him to gratify, solicited by a Passion that has neither Objects nor Organs adapted to it: He lives in a State of invincible Desire and Impotence, and always burns in the Pursuit of what he always despairs to possess. It is for this Reason (says
Plato
) that the Souls of the Dead appear frequently in Cœmiteries, and hover about the Places where their Bodies are buried, as still hankering after their old brutal Pleasures, and desiring again to enter the Body that gave them an Opportunity of fulfilling them.
Some of our most eminent Divines have made use of this
Platonick
Notion, so far as it regards the Subsistence of our Passions after Death, with great Beauty and Strength of Reason.
Plato
indeed carries the Thought very far, when he grafts upon it his Opinion of Ghosts appearing in Places of Burial. Though, I must confess, if one did believe that the departed Souls of Men and Women wandered up and down these lower Regions, and entertained themselves with the Sight of their Species, one could not devise a more Proper Hell for an impure Spirit than that which
Plato
has touched upon.
The Ancients seem to have drawn such a State of Torments in the Description of
Tantalus
, who was punished with the Rage of an eternal Thirst, and set up to the Chin in Water that fled from his Lips whenever he attempted to drink it.
Virgil
, who has cast the whole System of
Platonick
Philosophy, so far as it relates to the Soul of Man, in beautiful Allegories, in the sixth Book of his
Æneid
gives us the Punishment of a Voluptuary after Death, not unlike that which we are here speaking of.
...Lucent genialibus altisAurea fulcra toris, epulæque ante ora paratæRegifico luxu: Furiarum maxima juxtaAccubat, et manibus prohibet contingere mensas;Exurgitque facem attollens, atque intonat ore.They lie below on Golden Beds display'd,And genial Feasts with regal Pomp are made:The Queen of Furies by their Side is set,And snatches from their Mouths th' untasted Meat;Which if they touch, her hissing Snakes she rears,Tossing her Torch, and thund'ring in their Ears.Dryd.
That
I may a little alleviate the Severity of this my Speculation (which otherwise may lose me several of my polite Readers) I shall translate a Story
that
2
has been quoted upon another Occasion by one of the most learned Men of the present Age, as I find it in the Original.
The
Reader will see it is not foreign to my present Subject, and I dare say will think it a lively Representation of a Person lying under the Torments of such a kind of Tantalism, or
Platonick
Hell, as that which we have now under Consideration. Monsieur
Pontignan
speaking of a Love-Adventure that happened to him in the Country, gives the following Account of it
3
.
'When I was in the Country last Summer, I was often in Company with a Couple of charming Women, who had all the Wit and Beauty one could desire in Female Companions, with a Dash of Coquetry, that from time to time gave me a great many agreeable Torments. I was, after my Way, in Love with both of them, and had such frequent opportunities of pleading my Passion to them when they were asunder, that I had Reason to hope for particular Favours from each of them. As I was walking one Evening in my Chamber with nothing about me but my Night gown, they both came into my Room and told me, They had a very pleasant Trick to put upon a Gentleman that was in the same House, provided I would bear a Part in it. Upon this they told me such a plausible Story, that I laughed at their Contrivance, and agreed to do whatever they should require of me: They immediately began to swaddle me up in my Night-Gown with long Pieces of Linnen, which they folded about me till they had wrapt me in above an hundred Yards of Swathe: My Arms were pressed to my Sides, and my Legs closed together by so many Wrappers one over another, that I looked like anÆgyptianMummy. As I stood bolt upright upon one End in this antique Figure, one of the Ladies burst out a laughing, And now,Pontignan, says she, we intend to perform the Promise that we find you have extorted from each of us. You have often asked the Favour of us, and I dare say you are a better bred Cavalier than to refuse to go to Bed to two Ladies, that desire it of you. After having stood a Fit of Laughter, I begged them to uncase me, and do with me what they pleased. No, no, said they, we like you very well as you are; and upon that ordered me to be carried to one of their Houses, and put to Bed in all my Swaddles.TheRoom was lighted up on all Sides: and I was laid very decently between apair4of Sheets, with my Head (which was indeed the only Part I could move) upon a very high Pillow: This was no sooner done, but my two Female Friends came into Bed to me in their finest Night-Clothes. You may easily guess at the Condition of a Man that saw a Couple of the most beautiful Women in the World undrest and abed with him, without being able to stir Hand or Foot. I begged them to release me, and struggled all I could to get loose, which I did with so much Violence, that about Midnight they both leaped out of the Bed, crying out they were undone. But seeing me safe, they took their Posts again, and renewed their Raillery. Finding all my Prayers and Endeavours were lost, I composed my self as well as I could, and told them, that if they would not unbind me, I would fall asleep between them, and by that means disgrace them for ever: But alas! this was impossible; could I have been disposed to it, they would have prevented me by several little ill-natured Caresses and Endearments which they bestowed upon me. As much devoted as I am to Womankind, I would not pass such another Night to be Master of the whole Sex. My Reader will doubtless be curious to know what became of me the next Morning: Why truly my Bed-fellows left me about an Hour before Day, and told me, if I would be good and lie still, they would send somebody to take me up as soon as it was time for me to rise: Accordingly about Nine a Clock in the Morning an old Woman came to un-swathe me. I bore all this very patiently, being resolved to take my Revenge of my Tormentors, and to keep no Measures with them as soon as I was at Liberty; but upon asking my old Woman what was become of the two Ladies, she told me she believed they were by that Time within Sight ofParis, for that they went away in a Coach and six before five a clock in the Morning.
L.
Footnote 1:
Plato's doctrine of the soul and of its destiny is to be found at the close of his
Republic
; also near the close of the
Phædon
, in a passage of the
Philebus
, and in another of the
Gorgias
. In § 131 of the
Phædon
is the passage here especially referred to; which was the basis also of lines 461-475 of Milton's
Comus
. The last of our own Platonists was Henry More, one of whose books Addison quoted four essays back (in
No. 86
), and who died only four and twenty years before these essays were written, after a long contest in prose and verse, against besotting or obnubilating the soul with 'the foul steam of earthly life.'
return to footnote mark
Footnote 2:
which
return
Footnote 3:
Paraphrased from the
Academe Galante
(Ed. 1708, p. 160).
return
Footnote 4:
couple
return
ContentsContents p.4
In furias ignemque ruunt, Amor omnibus Idem.Virg.
Tho' the Subject I am now going upon would be much more properly the Foundation of a Comedy, I cannot forbear inserting the Circumstances which pleased me in the Account a young Lady gave me of the Loves of a Family in Town, which shall be nameless; or rather for the better Sound and Elevation of the History, instead of Mr. and Mrs. such-a-one, I shall call them by feigned Names. Without further Preface, you are to know, that within the Liberties of the City of
Westminster
lives the Lady
Honoria
, a Widow about the Age of Forty, of a healthy Constitution, gay Temper, and elegant Person. She dresses a little too much like a Girl, affects a childish Fondness in the Tone of her Voice, sometimes a pretty Sullenness in the leaning of her Head, and now and then a Down-cast of her Eyes on her Fan: Neither her Imagination nor her Health would ever give her to know that she is turned of Twenty; but that in the midst of these pretty Softnesses, and Airs of Delicacy and Attraction, she has a tall Daughter within a Fortnight of Fifteen, who impertinently comes into the Room, and towers so much towards Woman, that her Mother is always checked by her Presence, and every Charm of
Honoria
droops at the Entrance of
Flavia
. The agreeable
Flavia
would be what she is not, as well as her Mother
Honoria
; but all their Beholders are more partial to an Affectation of what a Person is growing up to, than of what has been already enjoyed, and is gone for ever. It is therefore allowed to
Flavia
to look forward, but not to
Honoria
to look back.
Flavia
is no way dependent on her Mother with relation to her Fortune, for which Reason they live almost upon an Equality in Conversation; and as
Honoria
has given
Flavia
to understand, that it is ill-bred to be always calling Mother,
Flavia
is as well pleased never to be called Child. It happens by this means, that these Ladies are generally Rivals in all Places where they appear; and the Words Mother and Daughter never pass between them but out of Spite.
Flavia
one Night at a Play observing
Honoria
draw the Eyes of several in the Pit, called to a Lady who sat by her, and bid her ask her Mother to lend her her Snuff-Box for one Moment. Another Time, when a Lover of
Honoria
was on his Knees beseeching the Favour to kiss her Hand,
Flavia
rushing into the Room, kneeled down by him and asked Blessing. Several of these contradictory Acts of Duty have raised between them such a Coldness that they generally converse when they are in mixed Company by way of talking at one another, and not to one another.
Honoria
is ever complaining of a certain Sufficiency in the young Women of this Age, who assume to themselves an Authority of carrying all things before them, as if they were Possessors of the Esteem of Mankind, and all, who were but a Year before them in the World, were neglected or deceased.
Flavia
, upon such a Provocation, is sure to observe, that there are People who can resign nothing, and know not how to give up what they know they cannot hold; that there are those who will not allow Youth their Follies, not because they are themselves past them, but because they love to continue in them. These Beauties Rival each other on all Occasions, not that they have always had the same Lovers but each has kept up a Vanity to shew the other the Charms of her Lover.
Dick Crastin
and
Tom Tulip
, among many others, have of late been Pretenders in this Family:
Dick
to
Honoria
,
Tom
to
Flavia
.
Dick
is the only surviving Beau of the last Age, and
Tom
almost the only one that keeps up that Order of Men in this. I wish I could repeat the little Circumstances of a Conversation of the four Lovers with the Spirit in which the young Lady, I had my Account from, represented it at a Visit where I had the Honour to be present; but it seems
Dick Crastin
, the admirer of
Honoria
, and
Tom Tulip
, the Pretender to
Flavia
, were purposely admitted together by the Ladies, that each might shew the other that her Lover had the Superiority in the Accomplishments of that sort of Creature whom the sillier Part of Women call a fine Gentleman. As this Age has a much more gross Taste in Courtship, as well as in every thing else, than the last had, these Gentlemen are Instances of it in their different Manner of Application.
Tulip
is ever making Allusions to the Vigour of his Person, the sinewy Force of his Make; while
Crastin
professes a wary Observation of the Turns of his Mistress's Mind.
Tulip
gives himself the Air of a restless Ravisher,
Crastin
practises that of a skilful Lover. Poetry is the inseparable Property of every Man in Love; and as Men of Wit write Verses on those Occasions, the rest of the World repeat the Verses of others. These Servants of the Ladies were used to imitate their Manner of Conversation, and allude to one another, rather than interchange Discourse in what they said when they met.
Tulip
the other Day seized his Mistress's Hand, and repeated out of
Ovid's Art of Love
,
'Tis I can in soft Battles pass the Night,Yet rise next Morning vigorous for the Fight,Fresh as the Day, and active as the Light.
Upon hearing this,
Crastin
, with an Air of Deference, played
Honoria's
Fan, and repeated,
Sedley hasthatprevailing gentle Art,That can with a resistless Charm impartThe loosest Wishes to the chastest Heart:Raise such a Conflict, kindle such a Fire,Between declining Virtue and Desire,Till the poor vanquish'd Maid dissolves awayIn Dreams all Night, in Sighs and Tears all Day.1
When
Crastin
had uttered these Verses with a Tenderness which at once spoke Passion and Respect,
Honoria
cast a triumphant Glance at
Flavia
, as exulting in the Elegance of
Crastin's
Courtship, and upbraiding her with the Homeliness of
Tulip's
.
Tulip
understood the Reproach, and in Return began to applaud the Wisdom of old amorous Gentlemen, who turned their Mistress's Imagination as far as possible from what they had long themselves forgot, and ended his Discourse with a sly Commendation of the Doctrine of
Platonick
Love; at the same time he ran over, with a laughing Eye,
Crastin's
thin Legs, meagre Looks, and spare Body. The old Gentleman immediately left the Room with some Disorder, and the Conversation fell upon untimely Passion, After-Love, and unseasonable Youth.
Tulip
sung, danced, moved before the Glass, led his Mistress half a Minuet, hummed
Celiathe Fair, in the bloom of Fifteen;
when there came a Servant with a Letter to him, which was as follows.
Sir, 'Iunderstand very well what you meant by your Mention ofPlatonickLove. I shall be glad to meet you immediately inHide-Park, or behindMontague-House, or attend you to Barn-Elms2, or any other fashionable Place that's fit for a Gentleman to die in, that you shall appoint for,Sir, Your most Humble Servant,Richard Crastin.
Tulip's
Colour changed at the reading of this Epistle; for which Reason his Mistress snatched it to read the Contents. While she was doing so
Tulip
went away, and the Ladies now agreeing in a Common Calamity, bewailed together the Danger of their Lovers. They immediately undressed to go out, and took Hackneys to prevent Mischief: but, after alarming all Parts of the Town,
Crastin
was found by his Widow in his Pumps at
Hide-Park
, which Appointment
Tulip
never kept, but made his Escape into the Country.
Flavia
tears her Hair for his inglorious Safety, curses and despises her Charmer, is fallen in Love with
Crastin
: Which is the first Part of the History of the
Rival Mother
.
R.
Footnote 1:
Rochester's
Imitations of Horace
, Sat. I. 10.
return to footnote mark
Footnote 2:
A famous duelling place under elm trees, in a meadow half surrounded by the Thames.
return
ContentsContents p.4
... Convivæ prope dissentire videntur,Poscentes vario multum diversa palato;Quid dem? Quid non dem?Hor.
Looking
over the late Packets of Letters which have been sent to me, I found the following one
1
.
Mr.Spectator,'Your Paper is a Part of my Tea-Equipage; and my Servant knows my Humour so well, that calling for my Breakfast this Morning (it being past my usual Hour) she answer'd, theSpectatorwas not yet come in; but that the Tea-Kettle boiled, and she expected it every Moment. Having thus in part signified to you the Esteem and Veneration which I have for you, I must put you in mind of the Catalogue of Books which you have promised to recommend to our Sex; for I have deferred furnishing my Closet with Authors, 'till I receive your Advice in this Particular, being your daily Disciple and humble Servant,Leonora.
In Answer to my fair Disciple, whom I am very proud of, I must acquaint her and the rest of my Readers, that since I have called out for Help in my Catalogue of a Lady's Library, I have received many Letters upon that Head, some of which I shall give an Account of.
In the first Class I shall take notice of those which come to me from eminent Booksellers, who every one of them mention with Respect the Authors they have printed, and consequently have an Eye to their own Advantage more than to that of the Ladies. One tells me, that he thinks it absolutely necessary for Women to have true Notions of Right and Equity, and that therefore they cannot peruse a better Book than
Dalton's Country Justice
: Another thinks they cannot be without
The Compleat Jockey
. A third observing the Curiosity and Desire of prying into Secrets, which he tells me is natural to the fair Sex, is of Opinion this female Inclination, if well directed, might turn very much to their Advantage, and therefore recommends to me
Mr
. Mede
upon the Revelations
. A fourth lays it down as an unquestioned Truth, that a Lady cannot be thoroughly accomplished who has not read
The Secret Treaties and Negotiations of Marshal
D'Estrades. Mr.
Jacob Tonson Jun.
is of Opinion, that
Bayle's Dictionary
might be of very great use to the Ladies, in order to make them general Scholars. Another whose Name I have forgotten, thinks it highly proper that every Woman with Child should read
Mr.
Wall's
History of Infant Baptism
: As another is very importunate with me to recommend to all my female Readers
The finishing Stroke: Being a Vindication of the Patriarchal Scheme
, &c.
In the second Class I shall mention Books which are recommended by Husbands, if I may believe the Writers of them. Whether or no they are real Husbands or personated ones I cannot tell, but the Books they recommend are as follow.
A Paraphrase on the History of
Susanna.
Rules to keep
Lent.
The Christian's Overthrow prevented. A Dissuasive from the Play-house. The Virtues of Camphire, with Directions to make Camphire Tea. The Pleasures of a Country Life. The Government of the Tongue
. A Letter dated from
Cheapside
desires me that I would advise all young Wives to make themselves Mistresses of
Wingate's Arithmetick
, and concludes with a Postscript, that he hopes I will not forget
The Countess of
Kent's
Receipts
.
I may reckon the Ladies themselves as a third Class among these my Correspondents and Privy-Counsellors. In a Letter from one of them, I am advised to place
Pharamond
at the Head of my Catalogue, and, if I think proper, to give the second place to
Cassandra
.
Coquetilla
begs me not to think of nailing Women upon their Knees with Manuals of Devotion, nor of scorching their Faces with Books of Housewifry.
Florella
desires to know if there are any Books written against Prudes, and intreats me, if there are, to give them a Place in my Library.
Plays
of all Sorts have their several Advocates:
All for Love
is mentioned in above fifteen Letters;
Sophonisba
, or
Hannibal's Overthrow
, in a Dozen;
The Innocent Adultery
is likewise highly approved of;
Mithridates King of Pontus
has many Friends;
Alexander the Great
and
Aurengzebe
have the same Number of Voices; but
Theodosius
, or
The Force of Love
. carries it from all the rest
2
.
I should, in the last Place, mention such Books as have been proposed by Men of Learning, and those who appear competent Judges of this Matter; and must here take Occasion to thank
A. B
. whoever it is that conceals himself under those two Letters, for his Advice upon this Subject: But as I find the Work I have undertaken to be very difficult, I shall defer the executing of it till I am further acquainted with the Thoughts of my judicious Contemporaries, and have time to examine the several Books they offer to me; being resolved, in an Affair of this Moment, to proceed with the greatest Caution.
In the mean while, as I have taken the Ladies under my particular Care, I shall make it my Business to find out in the best Authors ancient and modern such Passages as may be for their use, and endeavour to accommodate them as well as I can to their Taste; not questioning but the valuable Part of the Sex will easily pardon me, if from Time to Time I laugh at those little Vanities and Follies which appear in the Behaviour of some of them, and which are more proper for Ridicule than a serious Censure. Most Books being calculated for Male Readers, and generally written with an Eye to Men of Learning, makes a Work of this Nature the more necessary; besides, I am the more encouraged, because I flatter myself that I see the Sex daily improving by these my Speculations. My fair Readers are already deeper Scholars than the Beaus. I could name some of them who could talk much better than several Gentlemen that make a Figure at
Will's
; and as I frequently receive Letters from the
fine Ladies
and
pretty Fellows
, I cannot but observe that the former are superior to the others not only in the Sense but in the Spelling. This cannot but have a good Effect upon the Female World, and keep them from being charmed by those empty Coxcombs that have hitherto been admired among the Women, tho' laugh'd at among the Men.