Footnote 1:
could both
return to footnote mark
Footnote 2:
Goblin
return
Contents
... Aliquando bonus dormitat Homerus.Hor.translation
My Correspondents grow so numerous, that I cannot avoid frequently inserting their Applications to me.
MrSpectator,'I am glad I can inform you, that your Endeavours to adorn that Sex, which is the fairest Part of the visible Creation, are well received, and like to prove not unsuccessful. The Triumph ofDaphneover her SisterLetitiahas been the Subject of Conversation at Several Tea-Tables where I have been present; and I have observed the fair Circle not a little pleased to find you considering them as reasonable Creatures, and endeavouring to banish thatMahometanCustom which had too much prevailed even in this Island, of treating Women as if they had no Souls. I must do them the Justice to say, that there seems to be nothing wanting to the finishing of these lovely Pieces of Human Nature, besides the turning and applying their Ambition properly, and the keeping them up to a Sense of what is their true Merit.Epictetus, thatplainhonest Philosopher, as little as he had of Gallantry, appears to have understood them, as well as the polite St.Evremont, and has hit this Point very luckily1.When young Women, says he,arrive at a certain Age, they hear themselves calledMistresses, and are made to believe that their only Business is to please the Men; they immediately begin to dress, and place all their Hopes in the adorning of their Persons; it is therefore, continues he,worth the while to endeavour by all means to make them sensible that the Honour paid to them is only, upon account of their conducting themselves with Virtue, Modesty, and Discretion.Now to pursue the Matter yet further, and to render your Cares for the Improvement of the Fair Ones more effectual, I would propose a new method, like those Applications which are said to convey their virtues by Sympathy; and that is, in order to embellish the Mistress, you should give a new Education to the Lover, and teach the Men not to be any longer dazzled by false Charms and unreal Beauty. I cannot but think that if our Sex knew always how to place their Esteem justly, the other would not be so often wanting to themselves in deserving it. For as the being enamoured with a Woman of Sense and Virtue is an Improvement to a Man's Understanding and Morals, and the Passion is ennobled by the Object which inspires it; so on the other side, the appearing amiable to a Man of a wise and elegant Mind, carries in it self no small Degree of Merit and Accomplishment. I conclude therefore, that one way to make the Women yet more agreeable is, to make the Men more virtuous.I am,Sir,Your most humble Servant,R. B.'April 26.Sir,'Yours ofSaturdaylast I read, not without some Resentment; but I will suppose when you say you expect an Inundation of Ribbons and Brocades, and to see many new Vanities which the Women will fall into upon a Peace withFrance, that you intend only the unthinking Part of our Sex: And what Methods can reduce them to Reason is hard to imagine.But, Sir, there are others yet, that your Instructions might be of great Use to, who, after their best Endeavours, are sometimes at a loss to acquit themselves to a Censorious World: I am far from thinking you can altogether disapprove of Conversation between Ladies and Gentlemen, regulated by the Rules of Honour and Prudence; and have thought it an Observation not ill made, that where that was wholly denied, the Women lost their Wit, and the Men their Good-manners. 'Tis sure, from those improper Liberties you mentioned, that a sort of undistinguishing People shall banish from their Drawing-Rooms the best-bred Men in the World, and condemn those that do not. Your stating this Point might, I think, be of good use, as well as much oblige,Sir,Your Admirer, andmost humble Servant,Anna Bella.'
No Answer to this, till
Anna Bella
sends a Description of those she calls the Best-bred Men in the World
.
Mr.Spectator,'I am a Gentleman who for many Years last past have been well known to be truly Splenatick, and that my Spleen arises from having contracted so great a Delicacy, by reading the best Authors, and keeping the most refined Company, that I cannot bear the least Impropriety of Language, or Rusticity of Behaviour. Now, Sir, I have ever looked upon this as a wise Distemper; but by late Observations find that every heavy Wretch, who has nothing to say, excuses his Dulness by complaining of the Spleen. Nay, I saw, the other Day, two Fellows in a Tavern Kitchen set up for it, call for a Pint and Pipes, and only by Guzling Liquor to each other's Health, and wafting Smoke in each other's Face, pretend to throw off the Spleen. I appeal to you, whether these Dishonours are to be done to the Distemper of the Great and the Polite. I beseech you, Sir, to inform these Fellows that they have not the Spleen, because they cannot talk without the help of a Glass at their Mouths, or convey their Meaning to each other without the Interposition of Clouds. If you will not do this with all Speed, I assure you, for my part, I will wholly quit the Disease, and for the future be merry with the Vulgar.I am,Sir,Your humble Servant.'Sir,'This is to let you understand, that I am a reformed Starer, and conceived a Detestation for that Practice from what you have writ upon the Subject. But as you have been very severe upon the Behaviour of us Men at Divine Service, I hope you will not be so apparently partial to the Women, as to let them go wholly unobserved. If they do everything that is possible to attract our Eyes, are we more culpable than they for looking at them? I happened lastSundayto be shut into a Pew, which was full of young Ladies in the Bloom of Youth and Beauty. When the Service began, I had not Room to kneel at the Confession, but as I stood kept my eyes from wandring as well as I was able, till one of the young Ladies, who is a Peeper, resolved to bring down my Looks, and fix my Devotion on her self. You are to know, Sir, that a Peeper works with her Hands, Eyes, and Fan; one of which is continually in Motion, while she thinks she is not actually the Admiration of some Ogler or Starer in the Congregation. As I stood utterly at a loss how to behave my self, surrounded as I was, this Peeper so placed her self as to be kneeling just before me. She displayed the most beautiful Bosom imaginable, which heaved and fell with some Fervour, while a delicate well-shaped Arm held a Fan over her Face. It was not in Nature to command ones Eyes from this Object; I could not avoid taking notice also of her Fan, which had on it various Figures, very improper to behold on that Occasion. There lay in the Body of the Piece aVenus, under a Purple Canopy furled with curious Wreaths of Drapery, half naked, attended with a Train ofCupids, who were busied in Fanning her as she slept. Behind her was drawn a Satyr peeping over the silken Fence, and threatening to break through it. I frequently offered to turn my Sight another way, but was still detained by the Fascination of the Peeper's Eyes, who had long practised a Skill in them, to recal the parting Glances of her Beholders. You see my Complaint, and hope you will take these mischievous People, the Peepers, into your Consideration: I doubt not but you will think a Peeper as much more pernicious than a Starer, as an Ambuscade is more to be feared than an open Assault.I am,Sir,Your most Obedient Servant.'
This Peeper using both Fan and Eyes to be considered as a
Pict,
and proceed accordingly.
KingLatinusto theSpectator, Greeting.'Tho' some may think we descend from our Imperial Dignity, in holding Correspondence with a privateLitterato2; yet as we have great Respect to all good Intentions for our Service, we do not esteem it beneath us to return you our Royal Thanks for what you published in our Behalf, while under Confinement in the Inchanted Castle of theSavoy, and for your Mention of a Subsidy for a Prince in Misfortune. This your timely Zeal has inclined the Hearts of divers to be aiding unto us, if we could propose the Means. We have taken their Good will into Consideration, and have contrived a Method which will be easy to those who shall give the Aid, and not unacceptable to us who receive it. A Consort of Musick shall be prepared atHaberdashers-HallforWednesdaythe Second ofMay, and we will honour the said Entertainment with our own Presence, where each Person shall be assessed but at two Shillings and six Pence. What we expect from you is, that you publish these our Royal Intentions, with Injunction that they be read at all Tea-Tables within the Cities ofLondonandWestminster; and so we bid you heartily Farewell.Latinus, King of theVolscians.'Given at our Court inVinegar-Yard,Story the Third from the Earth.April 28, 1711.
R.
Footnote 1:
Epictetus his Morals, with Simplicius his Comment,
was translated by George Stanhope in 1694. The citation above is a free rendering of the sense of cap. 62 of the Morals.
return to footnote mark
Footnote 2:
Litterati
return
Contents
... Sirenua nos exercet inertia.Hor.translation
The following Letter being the first that I have received from the learned University of
Cambridge
, I could not but do my self the Honour of publishing it. It gives an Account of a new Sect of Philosophers which has arose in that famous Residence of Learning; and is, perhaps, the only Sect this Age is likely to produce.
Cambridge, April 26.Mr.Spectator,'Believing you to be an universal Encourager of liberal Arts and Sciences, and glad of any Information from the learned World, I thought an Account of a Sect of Philosophers very frequent among us, but not taken Notice of, as far as I can remember, by any Writers either ancient or modern, would not be unacceptable to you. The Philosophers of this Sect are in the Language of our University calledLowngers. I am of Opinion, that, as in many other things, so likewise in this, the Ancients have been defective;viz. in mentioning no Philosophers of this Sort. Some indeed will affirm that they are a kind of Peripateticks, because we see them continually walking about. But I would have these Gentlemen consider, that tho' the ancient Peripateticks walked much, yet they wrote much also; (witness, to the Sorrow of this Sect,Aristotleand others): Whereas it is notorious that most of our Professors never lay out a Farthing either in Pen, Ink, or Paper. Others are for deriving them fromDiogenes, because several of the leading Men of the Sect have a great deal of the cynical Humour in them, and delight much in Sun-shine. But then again,Diogeneswas content to have his constant Habitation in a narrow Tub; whilst our Philosophers are so far from being of his Opinion, that it's Death to them to be confined within the Limits of a good handsome convenient Chamber but for half an Hour.Othersthere are, who from the Clearness of their Heads deduce the Pedigree ofLowngersfrom that great Man (I think it was eitherPlatoorSocrates1) who after all his Study and Learning professed, That all he then knew was, that he knew nothing. You easily see this is but a shallow Argument, and may be soon confuted.I have with great Pains and Industry made my Observations from time to time upon these Sages; and having now all Materials ready, am compiling a Treatise, wherein I shall set forth the Rise and Progress of this famous Sect, together with their Maxims, Austerities, Manner of living, &c. Having prevailed with a Friend who designs shortly to publish a new Edition ofDiogenes Laertius, to add this Treatise of mine by way of Supplement; I shall now, to let the World see what may be expected from me (first begging Mr.Spectator'sLeave that the World may see it) briefly touch upon some of my chief Observations, and then subscribe my self your humble Servant. In the first Place I shall give you two or three of their Maxims: The fundamental one, upon which their whole System is built, is this, viz. That Time being an implacable Enemy to and Destroyer of all things, ought to be paid in his own Coin, and be destroyed and murdered without Mercy by all the Ways that can be invented. Another favourite Saying of theirs is, That Business was designed only for Knaves, and Study for Blockheads. A third seems to be a ludicrous one, but has a great Effect upon their Lives; and is this, That the Devil is at Home. Now for their Manner of Living: And here I have a large Field to expatiate in; but I shall reserve Particulars for my intended Discourse, and now only mention one or two of their principal Exercises. The elder Proficients employ themselves in inspectingmores hominum multorum, in getting acquainted with all the Signs and Windows in the Town. Some are arrived at so great Knowledge, that they can tell every time any Butcher kills a Calf, every time any old Woman's Cat is in the Straw; and a thousand other Matters as important. One ancient Philosopher contemplates two or three Hours every Day over a Sun-Dial; and is true to the Dial,...Asthe Dial to the Sun, Although it be not shone upon2.Our younger Students are content to carry their Speculations as yet no farther than Bowling-greens, Billiard-Tables, and such like Places. This may serve for a Sketch of my Design; in which I hope I shall have your Encouragement.I am,Sir,Yours3.
...Asthe Dial to the Sun, Although it be not shone upon2.
I must be so just as to observe I have formerly seen of this Sect at our other University; tho' not distinguished by the Appellation which the learned Historian, my Correspondent, reports they bear at
Cambridge
. They were ever looked upon as a People that impaired themselves more by their strict Application to the Rules of their Order, than any other Students whatever. Others seldom hurt themselves any further than to gain weak Eyes and sometimes Head-Aches; but these Philosophers are seized all over with a general Inability, Indolence, and Weariness, and a certain Impatience of the Place they are in, with an Heaviness in removing to another.
The
Lowngers
are satisfied with being merely Part of the Number of Mankind, without distinguishing themselves from amongst them. They may be said rather to suffer their Time to pass, than to spend it, without Regard to the past, or Prospect of the future. All they know of Life is only the present Instant, and do not taste even that. When one of this Order happens to be a Man of Fortune, the Expence of his Time is transferr'd to his Coach and Horses, and his Life is to be measured by their Motion, not his own Enjoyments or Sufferings. The chief Entertainment one of these Philosophers can possibly propose to himself, is to get a Relish of Dress: This, methinks, might diversifie the Person he is weary of (his own dear self) to himself. I have known these two Amusements make one of these Philosophers make a tolerable Figure in the World; with a variety of Dresses in publick Assemblies in Town, and quick Motion of his Horses out of it, now to
Bath
, now to
Tunbridge
, then to
Newmarket
, and then to
London
, he has in Process of Time brought it to pass, that his Coach and his Horses have been mentioned in all those Places. When the
Lowngers
leave an Academick Life, and instead of this more elegant way of appearing in the polite World, retire to the Seats of their Ancestors, they usually join a Pack of Dogs, and employ their Days in defending their Poultry from Foxes: I do not know any other Method that any of this Order has ever taken to make a Noise in the World; but I shall enquire into such about this Town as have arrived at the Dignity of being
Lowngers
by the Force of natural Parts, without having ever seen an University; and send my Correspondent, for the Embellishment of his Book, the Names and History of those who pass their Lives without any Incidents at all; and how they shift Coffee-houses and Chocolate-houses from Hour to Hour, to get over the insupportable Labour of doing nothing. R.
Footnote 1:
Socrates in his
Apology
, or
Defence
before his Judges, as reported by Plato. The oracle having said that there was none wiser than he, he had sought to confute the oracle, and found the wise man of the world foolish through belief in his own wisdom.
'When I left him I reasoned thus with myself, I am wiser than this man, for neither of us appears to know anything great and good; but he fancies he knows something, although he knows nothing, whereas I, as I do not know anything, do not fancy that I do.'
return to footnote mark
Footnote 2:
True as Dial to the Sun,Although it be not shined upon.
Hudibras
. Part III. c. 2.
return
Footnote 3:
This Letter may be by Laurence Eusden. See Note to
No. 78
.
return
Contents
... Intus, et in jecore ægroNascuntur Domini ...Pers.translation
Most of the Trades, Professions, and Ways of Living among Mankind, take their Original either from the Love of Pleasure or the Fear of Want. The former, when it becomes too violent, degenerates into
Luxury
, and the latter into
Avarice
. As these two Principles of Action draw different Ways,
Persius
has given us a very humourous Account of a young Fellow who was rouzed out of his Bed, in order to be sent upon a long Voyage, by
Avarice
, and afterwards over-persuaded and kept at Home by
Luxury
. I shall set down at length the Pleadings of these two imaginary Persons, as they are in the Original with Mr.
Dryden's
Translation of them.
Mane, piger, stertis: surge, inquit Avaritia; ejaSurge. Negas, Instat, surge inquit. Non queo. Surge.Et quid agam? Rogitas? Saperdas advehe Ponto,Castoreum, stuppas, hebenum, thus, lubrica Coa.Tolle recens primus piper è siliente camelo.Verte aliquid; jura. Sed Jupiter Audiet. Eheu!Baro, regustatum digito terebrare salinumContentus perages, si vivere cum Jove tendis.Jam pueris pellem succinctus et ænophorum aptas;Ocyus ad Navem. Nil obstat quin trabe vastaÆgæum rapias, nisi solers Luxuria anteSeductum moneat; quo deinde, insane ruis? Quo?Quid tibi vis? Calido sub pectore mascula bilisIntumuit, quam non extinxerit urna cicutæ?Tun' mare transilias? Tibi torta cannabe fultoCœna sit in transtro? Veientanúmque rubellumExhalet vapida læsum pice sessilis obba?Quid petis? Ut nummi, quos hic quincunce modestoNutrieras, pergant avidos sudare deunces?Indulge genio: carpamus dulcia; nostrum estQuod vivis; cinis, et manes, et fabula fies.Vive memor lethi: fugit hora. Hoc quod loquor, inde est.En quid agis? Duplici in diversum scinderis hamo.Hunccine, an hunc sequeris! — —Whether alone, or in thy Harlot's Lap,When thou wouldst take a lazy Morning's Nap;Up, up, saysAvarice; thou snor'st again,Stretchest thy Limbs, and yawn'st, but all in vain.The rugged Tyrant no Denial takes;At his Command th' unwilling Sluggard wakes.What must I do? he cries; What? says his Lord:Why rise, make ready, and go streight Aboard:With Fish, fromEuxineSeas, thy Vessel freight;Flax, Castor,CoanWines, the precious WeightOf Pepper andSabeanIncense, takeWith thy own Hands, from the tir'd Camel's Back,And with Post-haste thy running Markets make.Be sure to turn the Penny; Lye and Swear,'Tis wholsome Sin: ButJove, thou say'st, will hear.Swear, Fool, or Starve; for theDilemma'seven:A Tradesman thou! and hope to go to Heav'n?Resolv'd for Sea, the Slaves thy Baggage pack,Each saddled with his Burden on his Back.Nothing retards thy Voyage, now; but He,That soft voluptuous Prince, call'dLuxury;And he may ask this civil Question; Friend,What dost thou make a Shipboard? To what End?Art thou ofBethlem'snoble College free?Stark, staring mad, that thou wouldst tempt the Sea?Cubb'd in a Cabbin, on a Mattress laid,On a brownGeorge, with lousy Swobbers fed;Dead Wine, that stinks of theBorachio, supFrom a foul Jack, or greasy Maple Cup!Say, wouldst thou bear all this, to raise the Store,From Six i'th' Hundred to Six Hundred more?Indulge, and to thy Genius freely give:For, not to live at Ease, is not, to live:Death stalks behind thee, and each flying HourDoes some loose Remnant of thy Life devour.Live, while thou liv'st; for Death will make us all,A Name, a Nothing but an Old Wife's Tale.Speak, wilt thouAvariceorPleasurechooseTo be thy Lord? Take one, and one refuse.
When a Government flourishes in Conquests, and is secure from foreign Attacks, it naturally falls into all the Pleasures of Luxury; and as these Pleasures are very expensive, they put those who are addicted to them upon raising fresh Supplies of Mony, by all the Methods of Rapaciousness and Corruption; so that Avarice and Luxury very often become one complicated Principle of Action, in those whose Hearts are wholly set upon Ease, Magnificence, and Pleasure.
The
most Elegant and Correct of all the
Latin
Historians observes, that in his time, when the most formidable States of the World were subdued by the
Romans
, the Republick sunk into those two Vices of a quite different Nature, Luxury and Avarice
1
: And accordingly describes
Catiline
as one who coveted the Wealth of other Men, at the same time that he squander'd away his own. This Observation on the Commonwealth, when it was in its height of Power and Riches, holds good of all Governments that are settled in a State of Ease and Prosperity. At such times Men naturally endeavour to outshine one another in Pomp and Splendor, and having no Fears to alarm them from abroad, indulge themselves in the Enjoyment of all the Pleasures they can get into their Possession; which naturally produces Avarice, and an immoderate Pursuit after Wealth and Riches.
As I was humouring my self in the Speculation of these two great Principles of Action, I could not forbear throwing my Thoughts into a little kind of Allegory or Fable, with which I shall here present my Reader.
There were two very powerful Tyrants engaged in a perpetual War against each other: The Name of the first was
Luxury
, and of the second
Avarice
. The Aim of each of them was no less than Universal Monarchy over the Hearts of Mankind.
Luxury
had many Generals under him, who did him great Service, as
Pleasure
,
Mirth
,
Pomp
and
Fashion
.
Avarice
was likewise very strong in his Officers, being faithfully served by
Hunger
,
Industry
,
Care
and
Watchfulness
: He had likewise a Privy-Counsellor who was always at his Elbow, and whispering something or other in his Ear: The Name of this Privy-Counsellor was
Poverty
. As
Avarice
conducted himself by the Counsels of
Poverty
, his Antagonist was entirely guided by the Dictates and Advice of
Plenty
, who was his first Counsellor and Minister of State, that concerted all his Measures for him, and never departed out of his Sight. While these two great Rivals were thus contending for Empire, their Conquests were very various.
Luxury
got Possession of one Heart, and
Avarice
of another. The Father of a Family would often range himself under the Banners of
Avarice
, and the Son under those of
Luxury
. The Wife and Husband would often declare themselves on the two different Parties; nay, the same Person would very often side with one in his Youth, and revolt to the other in his old Age. Indeed the Wise Men of the World stood
Neuter
; but alas! their Numbers were not considerable. At length, when these two Potentates had wearied themselves with waging War upon one another, they agreed upon an Interview, at which neither of their Counsellors were to be present. It is said that
Luxury
began the Parley, and after having represented the endless State of War in which they were engaged, told his Enemy, with a Frankness of Heart which is natural to him, that he believed they two should be very good Friends, were it not for the Instigations of
Poverty
, that pernicious Counsellor, who made an ill use of his Ear, and filled him with groundless Apprehensions and Prejudices. To this
Avarice
replied, that he looked upon
Plenty
(the first Minister of his Antagonist) to be a much more destructive Counsellor than
Poverty
, for that he was perpetually suggesting Pleasures, banishing all the necessary Cautions against Want, and consequently undermining those Principles on which the Government of
Avarice
was founded. At last, in order to an Accommodation, they agreed upon this Preliminary; That each of them should immediately dismiss his Privy-Counsellor. When things were thus far adjusted towards a Peace, all other differences were soon accommodated, insomuch that for the future they resolved to live as good Friends and Confederates, and to share between them whatever Conquests were made on either side. For this Reason, we now find
Luxury
and
Avarice
taking Possession of the same Heart, and dividing the same Person between them. To which I shall only add, that since the discarding of the Counsellors above-mentioned,
Avarice
supplies
Luxury
in the room of
Plenty
, as
Luxury
prompts
Avarice
in the place of
Poverty
.
C.
Footnote 1:
Alieni appetens, sui profusus.
Sallust.
return to footnote mark
Contents