James
, before he beheld
Betty
, was vain of his Strength, a rough Wrestler, and quarrelsome Cudgel-Player;
Betty
a Publick Dancer at Maypoles, a Romp at Stool-Ball: He always following idle Women, she playing among the Peasants: He a Country Bully, she a Country Coquet. But Love has made her constantly in her Mistress's Chamber, where the young Lady gratifies a secret Passion of her own, by making
Betty
talk of
James
; and
James
is become a constant Waiter near his Master's Apartment, in reading, as well as he can, Romances. I cannot learn who
Molly
is, who it seems walked Ten Mile to carry the angry Message, which gave Occasion to what follows.
ToElizabeth...My Dear Betty, May 14, 1711.Remember your bleeding Lover,who lies bleeding at the ...Where two beginning Paps were scarcely spy'd,For yet their Places were but signify'd.WoundsCupidmade with the Arrows he borrowed at the Eyes ofVenus, which is your sweet Person.Nay more, with the Token you sent me for my Love and Service offered to your sweet Person; which was your base Respects to my ill Conditions; when alas! there is no ill Conditions in me, but quite contrary; all Love and Purity, especially to your sweet Person; but all this I take as a Jest.But the sad and dismal News whichMollybrought me, struck me to the Heart, which was, it seems, and is your ill Conditions for my Love and Respects to you.For she told me, if I came Forty times to you, you would not speak with me, which Words I am sure is a great Grief to me.Now, my Dear, if I may not be permitted to your sweet Company, and to have the Happiness of speaking with your sweet Person, I beg the Favour of you to accept of this my secret Mind and Thoughts, which hath so long lodged in my Breast; the which if you do not accept, I believe will go nigh to break my Heart.For indeed, my Dear, I Love you above all the Beauties I ever saw in all my Life.The young Gentleman, and my Masters Daughter, theLondonerthat is come down to marry her, sat in the Arbour most part of last Night. Oh! dearBetty, must the Nightingales sing to those who marry for Mony, and not to us true Lovers! Oh my dearBetty, that we could meet this Night where we used to do in the Wood!Now, my Dear, if I may not have the Blessing of kissing your sweet Lips, I beg I may have the Happiness of kissing your fair Hand, with a few Lines from your dear self, presented by whom you please or think fit. I believe, if Time would permit me, I could write all Day; but the Time being short, and Paper little, no more from your never-failing Lover till Death, James ...
Poor James! Since his Time and Paper were so short; I, that have more than I can use well of both, will put the Sentiments of his kind Letter (the Stile of which seems to be confused with Scraps he had got in hearing and reading what he did not understand) into what he meant to express.
Dear Creature, Can you then neglect him who has forgot all his Recreations and Enjoyments, to pine away his Life in thinking of you?When I do so, you appear more amiable to me thanVenusdoes in the most beautiful Description that ever was made of her. All this Kindness you return with an Accusation, that I do not love you: But the contrary is so manifest, that I cannot think you in earnest. But the Certainty given me in your Message byMolly, that you do not love me, is what robs me of all Comfort. She says you will not see me: If you can have so much Cruelty, at least write to me, that I may kiss the Impression made by your fair Hand. I love you above all things, and, in my Condition, what you look upon with Indifference is to me the most exquisite Pleasure or Pain. Our young Lady, and a fine Gentleman fromLondon, who are to marry for mercenary Ends, walk about our Gardens, and hear the Voice of Evening Nightingales, as if for Fashion-sake they courted those Solitudes, because they have heard Lovers do so. OhBetty!could I hear these Rivulets murmur, and Birds sing while you stood near me, how little sensible should I be that we are both Servants, that there is anything on Earth above us. Oh! I could write to you as long as I love you, till Death it self.James.
N.B.
By the Words
Ill-Conditions
, James means in a Woman
Coquetry
, in a Man
Inconstancy
.
R.
Footnote 1:
The next couplet Steele omits:
return to footnote mark
Footnote 2:
James Hirst, a servant to the Hon. Edward Wortley (who was familiar with Steele, and a close friend of Addison's), by mistake gave to his master, with a parcel of letters, one that he had himself written to his sweetheart. Mr. Wortley opened it, read it, and would not return it.
'No, James,' he said, 'you shall be a great man. This letter must appear in the Spectator.'
And so it did. The end of the love story is that Betty died when on the point of marriage to James, who, out of love to her, married her sister.
return
Contents
... Genus immortale manet, multosque per annosStat fortuna Domus, et avi numerantur avorum.Virg.translation
Having already given my Reader an Account of several extraordinary Clubs both ancient and modern, I did not design to have troubled him with any more Narratives of this Nature; but I have lately received Information of a Club which I can call neither ancient nor modern, that I dare say will be no less surprising to my Reader than it was to my self; for which Reason I shall communicate it to the Publick as one of the greatest Curiosities in its kind.
A Friend of mine complaining of a Tradesman who is related to him, after having represented him as a very idle worthless Fellow, who neglected his Family, and spent most of his Time over a Bottle, told me, to conclude his Character, that he was a Member of the
Everlasting Club
. So very odd a Title raised my Curiosity to enquire into the Nature of a Club that had such a sounding Name; upon which my Friend gave me the following Account.
The
Everlasting Club consists of a hundred Members, who divide the whole twenty four Hours among them in such a Manner, that the Club sits Day and Night from one end of the Year to
another
1
, no Party presuming to rise till they are relieved by those who are in course to succeed them.
By
this means a Member of the Everlasting Club never wants Company; for tho' he is not upon Duty himself, he is sure to find some
who
2
are; so that if he be disposed to take a Whet, a Nooning, an Evening's Draught, or a Bottle after Midnight, he goes to the Club and finds a Knot of Friends to his Mind.
It
is a Maxim in this Club That the Steward never dies; for as they succeed one another by way of Rotation, no Man is to quit the great Elbow-chair
which
2
stands at the upper End of the Table, 'till his Successor is in a Readiness to fill it; insomuch that there has not been a
Sede vacante
in the Memory of Man.
This
Club was instituted towards the End (or, as some of them say, about the Middle) of the Civil Wars, and continued without Interruption till the Time of the
Great Fire
3
, which burnt them out and dispersed them for several Weeks. The Steward at that time maintained his Post till he had like to have been blown up with a neighbouring-House, (which was demolished in order to stop the Fire;) and would not leave the Chair at last, till he had emptied all the Bottles upon the Table, and received repeated Directions from the Club to withdraw himself.
This
Steward is frequently talked of in the Club, and looked upon by every Member of it as a greater Man, than the famous Captain
mentioned in my LordClarendon, who
2
was burnt in his Ship because he would not quit it without Orders. It is said that towards the close of 1700, being the great Year of Jubilee, the Club had it under Consideration whether they should break up or continue their Session; but after many Speeches and Debates it was at length agreed to sit out the other Century. This Resolution passed in a general Club
Nemine Contradicente
.
Having given this short Account of the Institution and Continuation of the Everlasting Club, I should here endeavour to say something of the Manners and Characters of its several Members, which I shall do according to the best Lights I have received in this Matter.
It appears by their Books in general, that, since their first Institution, they have smoked fifty Tun of Tobacco; drank thirty thousand Butts of Ale, One thousand Hogsheads of Red Port, Two hundred Barrels of Brandy, and a Kilderkin of small Beer. There has been likewise a great Consumption of Cards. It is also said, that they observe the law in
Ben. Johnson's
Club, which orders the Fire to be always kept in (
focus perennis esto
) as well for the Convenience of lighting their Pipes, as to cure the Dampness of the Club-Room.
They
have an old Woman in the nature of a Vestal, whose Business it is to cherish and perpetuate the Fire
which
2
burns from Generation to Generation, and has seen the Glass-house Fires in and out above an Hundred Times.
The Everlasting Club treats all other Clubs with an Eye of Contempt, and talks even of the Kit-Cat and October as of a couple of Upstarts.
Their
ordinary Discourse (as much as I have been able to learn of it) turns altogether upon such Adventures as have passed in their own Assembly; of Members who have taken the Glass in their Turns for a Week together, without stirring out of their Club; of others
who
2
have smoaked an Hundred Pipes at a Sitting; of others
who
2
have not missed their Morning's Draught for Twenty Years together: Sometimes they speak in Raptures of a Run of Ale in King Charles's Reign; and sometimes reflect with Astonishment upon Games at Whisk,
which
2
have been miraculously recovered by Members of the Society, when in all human Probability the Case was desperate.
They delight in several old Catches, which they sing at all Hours to encourage one another to moisten their Clay, and grow immortal by drinking; with many other edifying Exhortations of the like Nature.
There are four general Clubs held in a Year, at which Times they fill up Vacancies, appoint Waiters, confirm the old Fire-Maker or elect a new one, settle Contributions for Coals, Pipes, Tobacco, and other Necessaries.
The Senior Member has out-lived the whole Club twice over, and has been drunk with the Grandfathers of some of the present sitting Members.
C.
Footnote 1:
The other
return to footnote mark
Footnotes 2:
(several): that
return (1)
return (2)
return (3)
return (4)
return (5, 6, 7)
Footnote 3:
Of London in 1666.
return
Contents
... O Dea certé!Virg.translation
It is very strange to consider, that a Creature like Man, who is sensible of so many Weaknesses and Imperfections, should be actuated by a Love of Fame: That Vice and Ignorance, Imperfection and Misery should contend for Praise, and endeavour as much as possible to make themselves Objects of Admiration.
But notwithstanding Man's Essential Perfection is but very little, his Comparative Perfection may be very considerable. If he looks upon himself in an abstracted Light, he has not much to boast of; but if he considers himself with regard to it in others, he may find Occasion of glorying, if not in his own Virtues at least in the Absence of another's Imperfections. This gives a different Turn to the Reflections of the Wise Man and the Fool. The first endeavours to shine in himself, and the last to outshine others. The first is humbled by the Sense of his own Infirmities, the last is lifted up by the Discovery of those which he observes in other men. The Wise Man considers what he wants, and the Fool what he abounds in. The Wise Man is happy when he gains his own Approbation, and the Fool when he Recommends himself to the Applause of those about him.
But
however unreasonable and absurd this Passion for Admiration may appear in such a Creature as Man, it is not wholly to be discouraged; since it often produces very good Effects, not only as it restrains him from doing any thing
which
1
is mean and contemptible, but as it pushes him to Actions
which
1
are great and glorious. The Principle may be defective or faulty, but the Consequences it produces are so good, that, for the Benefit of Mankind, it ought not to be extinguished.
It
is observed by Cicero
2
, — that men of the greatest and the most shining Parts are the most actuated by Ambition; and if we look into the two Sexes, I believe we shall find this Principle of Action stronger in Women than in Men.
The Passion for Praise, which is so very vehement in the Fair Sex, produces excellent Effects in Women of Sense, who desire to be admired for that only which deserves Admiration:
And I think we may observe, without a Compliment to them, that many of them do not only live in a more uniform Course of Virtue, but with an infinitely greater Regard to their Honour, than what we find in the Generality of our own Sex. How many Instances have we of Chastity, Fidelity, Devotion? How many Ladies distinguish themselves by the Education of their Children, Care of their Families, and Love of their Husbands, which are the great Qualities and Atchievements of Womankind: As the making of War, the carrying on of Traffic, the Administration of Justice, are those by which Men grow famous, and get themselves a Name.
But as this Passion for Admiration, when it works according to Reason, improves the beautiful Part of our Species in every thing that is Laudable; so nothing is more Destructive to them when it is governed by Vanity and Folly. What I have therefore here to say, only regards the vain Part of the Sex, whom for certain Reasons, which the Reader will hereafter see at large, I shall distinguish by the Name of
Idols
. An
Idol
is wholly taken up in the Adorning of her Person. You see in every Posture of her Body, Air of her Face, and Motion of her Head, that it is her Business and Employment to gain Adorers. For this Reason your
Idols
appear in all publick Places and Assemblies, in order to seduce Men to their Worship. The Play-house is very frequently filled with
Idols
; several of them are carried in Procession every Evening about the Ring, and several of them set up their Worship even in Churches. They are to be accosted in the Language proper to the Deity. Life and Death are in their Power: Joys of Heaven and Pains of Hell are at their Disposal: Paradise is in their Arms, and Eternity in every Moment that you are present with them. Raptures, Transports, and Ecstacies are the Rewards which they confer: Sighs and Tears, Prayers and broken Hearts, are the Offerings which are paid to them. Their Smiles make Men happy; their Frowns drive them to Despair. I shall only add under this Head, that
Ovid's
Book of the
Art of Love
is a kind of Heathen Ritual, which contains all the forms of Worship which are made use of to an
Idol
.
It
would be as difficult a Task to reckon up these different kinds of
Idols
, as
Milton's
was
3
to number those that were known in
Canaan
, and the Lands adjoining. Most of them are worshipped, like
Moloch
, in
Fire and Flames
. Some of them, like
Baal
, love to see their Votaries cut and slashed, and shedding their Blood for them. Some of them, like the
Idol
in the
Apocrypha
, must have Treats and Collations prepared for them every Night. It has indeed been known, that some of them have been used by their incensed Worshippers like the
Chinese Idols
, who are Whipped and Scourged when they refuse to comply with the Prayers that are offered to them.
I must here observe, that those Idolaters who devote themselves to the
Idols
I am here speaking of, differ very much from all other kinds of Idolaters. For as others fall out because they Worship different
Idols
, these Idolaters quarrel because they Worship the same.
The Intention therefore of the
Idol
is quite contrary to the wishes of the Idolater; as the one desires to confine the Idol to himself, the whole Business and Ambition of the other is to multiply Adorers.
This
Humour of an
Idol
is prettily described in a Tale of
Chaucer
; He represents one of them sitting at a Table with three of her Votaries about her, who are all of them courting her Favour, and paying their Adorations: She smiled upon one, drank to another, and trod upon the other's Foot which was under the Table. Now which of these three, says the old Bard, do you think was the Favourite? In troth, says he, not one of all the three
4
.
The Behaviour of this old
Idol
in
Chaucer
, puts me in mind of the Beautiful
Clarinda
, one of the greatest
Idols
among the Moderns. She is Worshipped once a Week by Candle-light, in the midst of a large Congregation generally called an Assembly. Some of the gayest Youths in the Nation endeavour to plant themselves in her Eye, whilst she sits in form with multitudes of Tapers burning about her. To encourage the Zeal of her Idolaters, she bestows a Mark of her Favour upon every one of them, before they go out of her Presence. She asks a Question of one, tells a Story to another, glances an Ogle upon a third, takes a Pinch of Snuff from the fourth, lets her Fan drop by accident to give the fifth an Occasion of taking it up. In short, every one goes away satisfied with his Success, and encouraged to renew his Devotions on the same Canonical Hour that Day Sevennight.
An
Idol
may be Undeified by many accidental Causes. Marriage in particular is a kind of Counter-
Apotheosis
, or a Deification inverted. When a Man becomes familiar with his Goddess, she quickly sinks into a Woman.
Old Age is likewise a great Decayer of your
Idol
: The Truth of it is, there is not a more unhappy Being than a Superannuated
Idol
, especially when she has contracted such Airs and Behaviour as are only Graceful when her Worshippers are about her.
Considering therefore that in these and many other Cases the
Woman
generally outlives the
Idol
, I must return to the Moral of this Paper, and desire my fair Readers to give a proper Direction to their Passion for being admired; In order to which, they must endeavour to make themselves the Objects of a reasonable and lasting Admiration. This is not to be hoped for from Beauty, or Dress, or Fashion, but from those inward Ornaments which are not to be defaced by Time or Sickness, and which appear most amiable to those who are most acquainted with them.
C.
Footnote 1:
that
return to footnote mark
Footnote 2:
Tuscul. Quæst.
Lib. v. § 243.
return
Footnote 3:
Paradise Lost
, Bk. I.
return
Footnote 4:
The story is in
The Remedy of Love
Stanzas 5-10.
return
Contents
... Pendent opera interrupta ...Virg.translation