(Hallway of the DeSmythe house. Flowers on extra tables, cards attached. Door bell in vestibule rings constantly; flowers and packages arriving. Maude's picture hat, gloves and fan on chair.Mr. Bulbuson ladder, measuring the wall.Katherineenters and re-enters, with flowers and gifts.Miss Hoppenhoerflits in and out. Everybody nervous.)
(Hallway of the DeSmythe house. Flowers on extra tables, cards attached. Door bell in vestibule rings constantly; flowers and packages arriving. Maude's picture hat, gloves and fan on chair.Mr. Bulbuson ladder, measuring the wall.Katherineenters and re-enters, with flowers and gifts.Miss Hoppenhoerflits in and out. Everybody nervous.)
KatherineThe bill's been a-ringin' all morning like that. (arranges flowers).
Mr. B.I should think you'd be tired. Ain't yer?
KatherineNo, it's as exciting as a wedding.
Mr. B.You wimmen like weddin's. I never see a woman as didn't.
Katherine(wonderingly). Are you going to decorate the hall?
Mr. B.(largely). Of course,–palms and ropes of smilax–
(EnterJack,carrying his hat and gloves.)
Jack(agreeably). Good morning, Katherine. I let myself in, you not being a regiment. (Katherine goes). Good morning, Mr. Bulbus. You look pretty festive in here. (examines bouquets, reading cards aloud and commenting). "Compliments of Harold Taylor."–Umph, got them here in time, I should say. "With love of Edith."–girls always put on "with love of." "Wishing you a joyous day. Dick Dowell." That's nice of Dick, considering the late unpleasantness. "Lucile," of course; "Lucile" in white and gold! A girl couldn't graduate unless she had three 'Luciles' and a 'Maurine!' Golden Gate roses! Whew, that means dough! Professor Graham, I'll bet! He's got dough and cheek–
(Mauderuns down the stairs.)
JackO, hello, Maude! (gives a long whistle). Aren't we fine? Swagger!
Maude(imploringly). Jack, how do I look?
JackTurn around,–slowly. (Maude revolves very slowly.)
Maude(anxiously). Well?
JackYou look–you look–out of sight! By George, you do!
Maude(caressing her dress skirt). You like the train?
(Mr. Bulbusgets down and goes out, unnoticed byMaude.)
JackIt's splendid. You're a–a queen! I'd kiss you–
Maude(startled). H-u-s-h! Mr. Bulbus!
Jack(coolly). Oh, he's gone.
MaudeGoodness, what if he'd been there!
Jack(comfortably). He wasn't.
Maude(trying to see the back of her train in glass). But you didn't know it!
JackDon't youthinkI didn't know it! 'Spose I want to make the poor duffer green with envy? I can't kiss you anyway, you're too fine.
MaudeNo, I can't even sit down! Jack, you look awfully handsome.
JackThank you. Would you wear a rose?
MaudeOf course–one of Dick's. Nice of Dick, wasn't it? (gets one; puts it on; an operation requiring time and patience).
JackDon't leave so much green show. I want a contrast, not a study in tints.
MaudeDon't touch me! Hold your arms out straight.
Jack(standing like a sign post). Then hurry up! I am not the stuff martyrs are made of.
MaudeIs that all right?
JackStand off and get the effect. How can I tell?
Maude(standing back). Put down your arms!
Jack(obediently). Well?
Maude(with enthusiasm). Perfectly lovely! My, I shall be proud of you! For pity's sake, don't look at me!
JackCan't help it.
MaudeI don't meannow–goosey! I mean when I read. If I should forget!
JackYou won't! Keep your eye on Old South Church and–
MaudeOnwhat?
JackI beg your pardon. On Miss Rantum.
MaudeOh! It must be time,–where is everybody?
JackI'm here, (sits on arm of chair and gazes at her.)
MaudeO you, yes! But I mean mamma! I am so nervous!
JackYou girls just try to be nervous. You think it's becoming.
(EnterMrs. De Smythe,in black silk.)
Mrs. De S.The carriages have come. Where can Papa be?
Maude(in dismay). O, it isn't time, is it? O horrors, where is my essay? Jack, please look in my desk.
(Jack dashes out.)
MaudeMamma, is my hair all right?
Mrs. De S.Yes, Maudie, yes, (dismally) you look lovely.
(Jack dashes in, essay in hand.)
JackHere it is, but don't practice now.
Maude(pacing the floor). "As a traveler, among the mighty mountains, fails to realize–to realize the heights to which he has climbed, so we, in Life's dusty pathway, cannot estimate the distance we have–we have,–cannot estimate the distance we have–" There, I knew I didn't know it! What shall I do?
Jack(brilliantly). Open your manuscript.
(Katherine enters, with letters and small package.)
Maude(unseeing, resumes). "Deep, deep are the mysteries of nature, infinite are–are–"
Mrs. De S.Maudie, here is a letter from Uncle John. (withholds package).
Maude(drops essay). O, I wonder what he sent! Is this all!
Mrs. De S.Why, Maudie! Read it.
Maude(tears it open; reads). "My dearest Niece: Hail to the happy day! 'Way down here in South Africa, 'mong monkeys and Boers, I feel the excitement. We don't graduate down here, but we know people who do. Never, I know, has the house of De Smythe been so shaken. In honor thereof, I am sending a–a–" O, goodness, I can't–"a diamond ring,"–a diamond! Hasn't it come?
Mrs. De S.Does he say when?
Maude(referring to the letter). He says "I amsending–" Katherine is such a stupy! (calls). Katherine–
Mrs. De S.Maybe this is it. (gives package).
(Katherinecomes with pink roses.)
MaudeO, O. O.! Isn't it a beauty! Jack, look!
Jack(just glancing). Umph! Yes, I see.
MaudeDearUncle John! Everybody issogood! It's bigger than Valeria's. Must I wear gloves? I don't care, I just won't.
Mrs. De S.Your roses, Maudie.
MaudeO, your roses, Jack! They're lovely!
Jack(slowly). The red weren't pretty, so I got pink. I hope you'll–
Maude(rapturously). I just lovepinkroses!
(Katherinecomes in with a big package.)
Maude(tearing away pink ribbons and tissue papers). "With Valeria's dearest love." A bonbon dish! Isn't it lovely! And violets on it!
Jack(with a grimace). It will hold two pounds!
MaudeIt isn't a bit too big! If you won't fill it–well, there are others. I'm forgetting my piece. "Deep, deep are the mysteries–"
JackAre you going tosayit?
MaudeNo, but I must really know it, you know, so I can look up often.
Jack"O, I see clearly," said the blind man.
Mrs. De S.Dear, dear, this is just as if you were getting married! (sinks into a chair; she has been examining the flowers). The presents and the flowers and the carriages and–and everything. O, suppose you were–suppose you were!
Maude(with intense indignation). But I'm not! I'm graduating!
Jack(disconsolately). I don't think they're much alike!
Mrs. De S.But whereisPapa?
JackAs I came, I saw him at the drug store.
Mrs. De S.The drug store! Why in the world–oh, I remember now,–I sent him. We'll never get off.
(Miss Hoppenhoer'svoice is heard from somewhere, "O Jennie!")
Mrs. De S.(rising and collecting things dropped). I wonder what's happened now? I hope Papa isn't killed! (hurries out).
Maude(gazing at her ring). Aren't my presents pretty?
JackYes, but you are prettier.
Maude(archly). Thank you, Mr. Hamilton, but aren't you a little rash? (holds roses to her face by way of contrast.)
Jack(critically). No, I think not, on mature consideration. Your hair looks like gold–California gold, and those lovely lilies! Who gave you those lilies-of-the-valley? (suddenly).
Maude(evasively). Why California gold?
JackO, it's redder, and then, it is a native product. You'd be mad if I said antique gold.
MaudeBut do you like antique gold better?
JackThat isn't the point. Who gave you those lilies?
MaudeAren't they dear?
Jack(cruelly). Don't know,–didn't buy 'em. Whose tribute are they?
Maude"Tribute" sounds like a funeral.
Jack(with awful meaning). There may be a funeral. Whose are they?
Maude(demurely). Mine.
Jack(with infinite patience). You know what I mean, (with terrible calmness). Who gave you those?
Maude(preparing to cry). You're awfully cross, I think.
(Mr. Bulbusenters in rear hunting something.Maudesees him.)
Jack(unmoved). Who gave you those?
Maude(graciously, sweetly). Mr. Bulbus, the lilies are lovely.
Mr. B.(surprised into dropping a hammer). Yes'sum, I'm glad you–you like 'em. (retreats in confusion.)
JackOh! (slowly). That's awfully nice of you.
(EnterMrs. De SmytheandMiss Hoppenhoer,bonnets and gloves on.)
Mrs. De S.Whereisyour father? It's time to go.
JackPast time. Grindem said to be there at 9:30.
Mrs. De S.What shall we do? I knew he would be late! I hope I shall not have an attack!
Miss H.(grimly). No, Ihopenot–in that dress!
Mrs. De S.As if one's dress made any difference with an attack! O, there he is! Well, Papa, you–good morning, Madam.
(Mr. De SmytheandMadam Sateenecome in together.)
Mr. De S.My, how fine we look!
MaudeMadam Sateene, this shoulder–wrinkles.
MadamLet me see. (Madam and Maude consult apart.)
Mrs. De S.We ought to go.
Mr. De S.Miss Rantum hasn't come.
Jack(looking up from his own Ms.) O, I forgot! Miss Baked Beans will meet us there. She couldn't come here.
MaudeShe promised she would!
Mr. De S.All ready. How many of these do we take? (indicating flowers). Need a dray?
MaudeOnly Jack's–and I carry them. Jack, youcarry my essay and fan. (puts on hat). Is it straight? Where are my roses?
(Miss HoppenhoergivesMr. De Smythetwo shawls and he goes.)
Madam(anxiously). Wait one moment. (adjusts Maude's train). Now.
Miss H.Have you any lemon drops?
MaudeOf course not,–nobody carries lemon drops! Whereismy handkerchief!
Jack(sheepishly, taking it out of his vest). Here it is.
Mr. De S.(from door). Come on, you people.
Mrs. De S.O dear, dear, I shall never stand it.
Miss H.(collecting salts and fans). We're coming.
Mrs. De S.O dear,–kiss me, Maudie. (sits down exhausted). It's just like a wedding! I can't stand it! Some day you'll be getting married!
(Mr. Bulbusenters in the rear and just stands.)
Jack(cheerfully). I hope so.
Maude(arranging train to carry it gracefully). Poor Mamma!
Mr. De S.(from outside). Come on! Matilda, bring Mamma!
Mrs. De S.O, O, O!
MaudeBrace up, Mamma, youmust.
Mrs. De S.(to her handkerchief). And only yesterday she was a baby!
Miss H.(snappishly.) And only day before yesterday you were!
Mrs. De S.(from outside). Come on–wemustgo.
ChorusWe're coming! (All start, collecting fans, handkerchiefs, and gathering up trains, adjusting bonnets anew, etc.)
Maude(as they rush for the door). O, look outfor my flowers! Jack, got my piece? I know I shall forget! What if we're late? Good-bye, Mr. Bulbus! (all go).
(Curtain drops onMr. Bulbus,gazing afterMaudein a sort of trance.)
EPILOGUE.
(A Wednesday morning in May, 1905.Mr.andMrs. Jack Hamiltonat breakfast. He reading a paper, totally absorbed. She opening her letters; there are two by her plate.)
(A Wednesday morning in May, 1905.Mr.andMrs. Jack Hamiltonat breakfast. He reading a paper, totally absorbed. She opening her letters; there are two by her plate.)
Maude(reading letter and talking to herself). Well, Well! (reading). I am not angry–not in the least. Youdearold girl! (drops letter and meditates). Youdearold girl! (resumes reading). I know better,–you wouldn't! (reads about a page without comment, then) W-h-y!Why!O goodness gracious! Jack!
(Jacklooks over top of paper absently, then resumes reading.)
Maude(explosively). Jack, whatdoyou think? Only fancy–Valeria is–Jack, listen! Put down your horrid paper! Valeria ismarried.
(He looks at her vacantly.)
JackWell?
MaudeWell? Listen: Valeria is married.
Jack(waking to the situation). Is that so! Valeria–well, well. I'm not astonished.
Maude(pensively). Why not?
Jack(at a venture). O, because–she is so–so handsome.
Maude(scornfully). She isn't handsome! Where are your eyes? She's clever–clever, that's what Valeria is. But not handsome,–certainly not. She squints.
Jack(staring). I thought you were so fond of her.
Maude(with dignity). I am, I am awfully fond ofher–I've always been. But (cuttingly) affection doesn't blindme. I can love her and see her faults. Nobody ever called Valeria handsome.
Jack(hunting his place on the page). Maybe it was stunning.
Maude(with intense emphasis). Stunning!
Jack(turning the page with a prodigious rattling). Hal used to rave over her.
MaudeO! Hal, he–don't rattle your paper so, you make me nervous! Hal didn't care for her.
Jack(absently). No, I suppose not, I suppose not. Of course, nobody could.
(Silence. Both read.)
Maude(intent on letter and all to herself). I wonder what she wore! She is too old for white. (reads aloud). "You'll be surprised, my dear." Yes, I confess I am. (gazing at coffee urn thoughtfully). Yes, I am. (resumes reading). Where was I? "I want to tell you first, dear." Here it is. So shedidwear white–now, I am astonished. (reads on). For pity sakes! Jack
Jack(starts violently, crushing paper). A man might as well live on Vesuvius.
Maude(in great excitement). But,Jack, guesswhomarried her.
Jack(with calm certainty). The man in the Moon. He's too jolly to mind squints.
MaudeJust guess. You never can.
Jack(impatiently, much wrought upon.) Then tell me.
Maude(in an explosive). Hal!
Jack(inanely). Hal!
Maude(calmly, the mine sprung). Hal Taylor.
JackHal Taylor. Well, I am–bobbed!
MaudeI'm not surprised.
JackYou said Hal didn't care for her.
Maude(very slowly). He doesn't, Jack. Hal was–roped in.
Jack(stares, then gives vent to a long whistle of astonishment). Well, you women!
MaudeDon't talk to me. I am disgusted!
Jack(ruefully). Well! (He stares, folds napkin, unfolds it and takes up his newspaper.)
MaudeDon't sit there, just saying "Well" all the time!
Jack(slowly). Say, what is it to you?
Maude(sobs a little). She h-has deceived me–basely deceived me. But I don't care. I shall send her a cut-glass berry dish,–maybe a Tiffany c-c-cut! (dries her eyes resolutely). Coffee, dear?
Jack(irritably; a trifle suspicious yet). Yes, don't Ialwaystake coffee?
Maude(plaintively). Don't scold me. I cannot endure much more. To think Valeria–
Jack(with decision, carving the steak). Don't think, then. Drop it. What's your other letter?
Maude(sadly). I don't care–I don't care for anything. (takes a biscuit). The biscuits are burned.
JackNo, they are not. Never mind–give the letter to me.
(Maudegazes pensively at nothing.Jackopens the letter with a fork, and reads silently.)
Jack(to himself, muttering). Of course, it's money,–always money. Only a dollar and fifty cents apiece,–a man ought not growl. Umph! "The happy old days." Yes, I remember.
Maude(meekly). Remember what, Jack, dear? (He reads. Silence. She folds and unfolds Valeria's letter.)
Jack(suddenly). By George!
Maude(buttering a biscuit, slowly). What is it?
JackBy George!
MaudeWhat is it? A woman might as well live on–on Vesuvius!
JackGeorge Graham is in the New York legislature!
MaudeProfessor George De Witt Graham!
Jack(reading while he speaks). The same, my dear. We're to banquet him; it seems he's made a big speech.
MaudeHe was very handsome, and nice to us girls. He pulled us all through chemistry.
Jack(absently). Yes, he was a good wire puller. And now he's Senator, Senator in New York. That's great.
MaudeHow do you know? Is that from him?
JackThis is the Alumni Letter.
MaudeAlumni?
Jack(slowly and elaborately). Yes, my dear, the Alumni Letter,–Alumni. We graduated in 1902,–possibly you remember the circumstances. You ought to.
MaudeHow long ago it seems,–how long, long ago!
JackThank you. It is. Three years.
(Silence. He stirs coffee.)
MaudeThe lace for my dress gave out,–do you remember? And I wore Paris muslin and Mamma was sick.
JackIt was a great day! You remember your Aunt?
MaudePoor Aunty! I can see her now–so 'fraid I would forget–sitting on the edge of her chair! And those lemon drops,–I thought I should faint when Bob brought 'em up!
JackYes, I remember how his shoes squeaked! And Bobwouldusher!
MaudePoor Aunty, I hope she is happier now out among the Hottentots. Aren't they Hottentots?
Jack(with scholarly precision). Your Aunt, my dear, is in Korea. Korea is an island just east of–
Maude(vaguely). Well aren't the Hottentots there,too? I thought they were all together over there somewhere,–all fat and dusty together, with their queer hats like plates,–all praying and embroidering lovely silks.
JackAs I was saying, Korea is east of–of Asia.
Maude(taking another biscuit). Asia was always hard for me. The rivers had such dreadful names! "1902! 1902! We are the people, who are you?" What fun we had! Let's go back!
JackHaven't time. You write 'em greetings and so on, and enclose three dollars. I wonder where old Grindem is?
MaudeOld Grindem! You remember his side whiskers? I couldn't bear that man! He was horrid on Commencement day–wouldn't wait one second! Not one second! And Valeria, (she sighs heavily). Poor Valeria!
Jack(cheerfully). You looked mighty pretty that day. You didn't need any lace.
(She sighs gently and shakes her head.)
Jack(with desperate cheerfulness). And your hair was like gold,–and those lilies-of-the-valley! I remember I went so far as to think of Solomon. How is it? "Solomon in all his glory–all his glory was–was–Solomon was"–how is it?
Maude"Was not arrayed like one of these."
JackO yes–"like one of these," of course. "Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these." You were a sort of female Solomon. Not a Mrs. Solomon,–perish the thought!
Maude(reproachfully). Jack!
Jack(still cheerfully). Who gave you those lilies? Come on–tell me now. This is a sort of anniversary when "all things shall be made clear." Old Bulbus?
(She braces herself with visible effort.)
JackIt was awfully hard on me, your just carrying my roses and putting old Bulbus' lilies in your Solomon hair.
MaudeThey weren't B-B-Bulbuses.
JackHonest?
MaudeH-honest.
Jack(gravely). Whose were they?
(Silence. Maude twists her napkin.)
Jack(more gravely). Whose were they, Mrs. Hamilton?
MaudeYou won't be mad?
JackDo I get "mad"? I am not a two-year-old!
MaudeNor cross?
JackWhose lilies were those, I ask!
Maude(sitting very erect). I am going to tell you!
Jack(a trifle viciously). See that you do.
MaudeHal sent those lilies.
Jack(incredulous). Hal Taylor?
Maude(with a dead period). Hal Taylor.
(He gazes at her sternly; she hides her face behind the coffee urn.)
JackTherefore, Valeria squints!
MaudeOdon't, Jack!
Jack(severely). The vanity of woman!
Maude(rising quickly and coming round to his chair). But I have your roses, Jack, in the box with my dress! And I shall send Valeria a cut-glass berry-bowl–maybe a Tiffany cut!
(He pulls her down to him as curtain falls.)