Jerry.No; one will be sufficient. (They place themselves in position).
Tom.Holloa, Jerry, don’t swallow him.
Log.Use me gently, I’m but a green at this.
Tom.Now, then, come up to the scratch. (They play; Jerry makes a hit; Logic parries).
Tom.Well stopp’d—uncommon well, Bob.
Log.Do you think so; but, I say, none of your chaffing.
Tom.Now, really—
Jerry.Yes, yes, he’s up.
Log.Hum, I don’t think it was so much amiss myself.
Jerry.Now, Doctor, take care of your bread-basket—eyes right, look to your napper.
Tom.Ay, ay, be leary, Bob, take care of your ribs—mind your pipkin—be down on your pimple. (They play a second bout; Jerry breaks Logic’s head).
Tom.I say, Bob, did you hear anything knock?
Log.Yes; and nobody at home.
Jerry.Doctor! I touch’d your knowledge box there, I think.
Log.Touch’d it, zounds! you’ve broken it, Jerry, but it must have been cracked before, or I should never have entered the lists with you. Brown-paper and vinegar for one.
[Exit.
Scene in a Gin Shop.
Scene.—interior of a london gin shop.
TomandJerrytakingBlue Ruin,after theSpellis broken up.
Tomissluicingtheivoriesof some of the unfortunate heroines with blue ruin, whom the breaking up of theSpellhas turned-upwithout any luck, in order to send them to theirpanniesfull ofspirits.Jerryis inTip Streeton this occasion, and theMollishersare allnuttyupon him; putting it about, one to another, that he is awell breechedSwell.Fat Betis pretending toTom, that she had a great objection to every sort ofruin, no matter howcoloured, since she had once beenqueeredupon that suit.Swipy Bill,a translator of Soles, who has been out for a day’sfuddle, for fear his money should become too troublesome to him, has just called in at theGin Spinner’sto get rid of his lastduce, by way of a finish, and to have another drop ofblue ruin. This last glass would haveflooredhim, had it not been for the large butt of liquor which he staggered against. Hiccoughing, he swears “he’ll stand byOld Tomwhile he has asoleleft to support such a good fellow.”
GIN, GIN, SWEET, SWEET GIN!
Air.—Home, Sweet Home.
Walk through London town, in Alley, Lane or Street,Eight to ten of all the folks you overtake or meet,List to what they talk about, you’ll find amid the din,The end of every conversation is a drop of Gin.Gin, Gin, sweet, sweet Gin,There’s no drops like Gin.When the world was young, as we read in classic page,The shepherds drank the purling stream, and pass’d the golden age;For purling streams or golden age folks now don’t care a pin,So that they can raise the brass to keep this age of Gin.Gin, Gin, Hodge’s Gin, &c.When the weather’s cold and bleak—in rain and frost and snow,The Gin, the Gin they fly to, to warm them with its glow.In summer time, to cool their heat, we see them all flock inAnd joy or sorrow, heat or cold, all seek relief in Gin.Gin, Gin, Seager and Evans’s Gin, &c.
Battle of—A GIN COURT!
Sir Richard Burnie sad, declares that never in his time,Was seen so much depravity, want, misery and crime;And all the brawls—the roitings—the day and nightly din,Are caused by what he never tasted! filthy! horrid Gin!Gin, Gin, Booth’s Cordial Gin, &c.In India, when a Husband dies—the Widow ne’er can smile,She’s burnt alive, a sacrifice, upon her husband’s pile;In London many Wives and Widows deem it not a sin,To sacrifice and burn themselves alive with fire of Gin.Gin, Gin, Sir Robert Burnett’s Gin, &c.Decrepit age with furrow’d face, and one foot in the grave,Hobbles on his crutches, and for a drop does crave;Infants, e’er they plainly talk, perk up each little chinAnd cry, oh mammy, daddy, baby ’ont a d’op o’ din.Gin, Gin, Currie’s strong Gin, &c.
Gin Lane.
In former times we’d Goblins, Fairies, Witches, Ghosts and Sprites,Who ruled the people’s minds by day, and play’d sad pranks o’ nights;But now the tales of Ghosts and such the people can’t take inThey won’t believe in Spirits, yet put all their faith in Gin.Gin, Gin, Gaitskell’s Cordial Gin, &c.In the Reign of old Queen Bess good eating did prevail,Her Majesty and all the Court would breakfast on strong ale;But now through every Court, the folk the fashion to be in,Wouldailall day, unless ’fore breakfast they could take some Gin.Gin, Gin, renovating Gin, &c.Old women used to cheer their hearts and found it did agree,By sometimes taking with a friend a cuptoomuch of tea;But now they’re much morespirited—for tea don’t care a pin,And only use their tea pots for a cuptoo muchof Gin.Gin, Gin, tongue-relaxing Gin, &c.
Gin and Bitters.
Fighters take a “a shove in the mouth,” though it is their bane,Jack Ketch often has a “drop”—Scavengers a “drain”;Pris’ners “half a yard of tape” to get in merry pinAnd Actors oft get “mellow” with a “mellow dram” of Gin.Gin, Gin, Tragic, Comic Gin, &c.Thompson’s shop on Holborn Hill is crowded like a fair,All the taps continually running out are there;Swing swang go the doors, while some pop out and some pop in,Foreigners must surely think that John Bull lives on Gin.Gin, Gin, dear seductive gin, &c.This World was once deluged by water, drowning Son & Sire,But when it is destroy’d again, we read ’twill be by fire;And this must be the awful time, so prevalent is sin,As all the wicked world do burn their insides out with Gin.Gin, Gin, life-inspiring Gin, &c.
Tom and Jerry Catching Kate and Sue on the Sly Having their Fortunes told.
SCENE.—Interior of Fortune Teller’s Garret.
EnterJANE, KATE, SUE, TRIFLE, GREEN,andLANDLORD.
GLEE.—Omnes.Air.—“Who has seen the Miller’s Wife.”Jane, Kate, Sue, Trifle, and Green.Have you the Fortune Teller seen?I, I for hours have waiting been;A shilling o’er her palm I’ll passIf she’ll but look in Fortune’s glass.Have you, &c.
Land.Oh, here she comes at last.
EnterFORTUNE TELLER.
Land.Now mother, stir your stumps; here are two ladies waiting for you, and half a score more below.
F. Teller.Aye, aye! I turn hundreds away.
Green.Vhat an orrid hooman!
F. Teller.You must leave the room, gentlemen, (To Green and Trifle), my charms never hold good in the presence of a third person.
Sue.You hear, Mr. Green, her charms never hold good in the presence of a third person.
Green.I should vondor if they did—Her charms! Lord—I can take an int; I’m to go—wery vell, I shall absconce—Vat an ugly old vitch!
Trifle.(To Girls). We shall meet again at Logic’s, so I’ll leave you with the particularly frightful old hag,pan hanour—demme!
[Exeunt Green, Trifle, and Landlord.
F. Teller.(Sitting at Table). Now then, young women. I’ll tell you—I’ll tell you—but you must let me shuffle the cards first! (Produces cards) For its all done by shuffling! now then, cut them, Miss. (Sue cuts cards).
Kate.Let us sit down while we stay—rather short of furniture; but never mind, we must make shift.
(Turns down chair lengthways to sit; she sits on one side, Sue on the other—Sue is nearly let down by Kate suddenly rising).
F. Teller.(Looking over cards). Hey day! what have we here? You’ll be married soon.
Sue.I hope so, with all my heart!
F. Teller.There’s a fair man been paying some attention to you, lately—Hum! a cradle—three!—nine!—fourteen!—have a large family.
Sue.Fourteen! mercy on me!
Kate.Enough to make one faint!
F. Teller.There’s nothing more that I see at present.
Sue.Nor there hadn’t need been; if I’m to have fourteen children, I think I’ve heard quite enough.
F. Teller.(To Kate). Now, Miss, I’ll tell you your fortune; how many husbands, and how many children, and all about it—all about it.
Kate.But I don’t want to hear “all about it.” (Imitating her). I only want a peep into your magic mirror, and see who I’m to marry.
F. Teller.You should have told me that before, I always charge more for that, but I suppose I must throw it you in! Now, then, stand there; and be very still!——
(Music.—Fortune teller places Kate and Sue in position at off end of the stage—then advances to cabinet—waves her crutch; pulls curtain aside, and discovers a large glass—Landlord passes rapidly behind).
There! I told you I’d show him to you!
Kate.Wonderful! why that’s the man that opened the door to us! (Aside to Sue).
F. Teller.Now, Miss, I’ll show you your sweetheart!
(Music and ceremony as before:—Landlord repasses contrary way).
Kate.Ha, ha, ha! that’s the same man again! We’re both to marry the same husband!
Sue.Amazingly agreeable!
Kate.The old impostor!—Well, now you’ve told us our fortune; can’t you tell your own? (To Fortune Teller).
F. Teller.No, no—I have no power over my own stars.
Kate.Then I’ll tell it for you—In half an hour, unless you make good use of your time, you’ll have a visit from Union Hall.
F. Teller.O, dear me! It’s lucky I’ve a handy cockloft, and a safe way over the houses—I’ll be off directly, I’ll be off directly! (Throws down crutch, cloak, &c., and exits hastily).
Kate.“I’ll be off directly, off directly.” (Imitating Fortune Teller). Ha, ha, ha!—She left all her things behind her!—We can now set up in business for ourselves.
EnterJANEhastily,L.
Jane.Oh, my dear girls, as I was keeping watch below, I saw Tom and Jerry coming down the street, and making for this very house—depend on’t they have traced you here.
Kate.What’s to be done?—Tom and Jerry!
Sue.Jerry and Tom coming here! (Running about in confusion.—Knocking at door).
Jane.Don’t keep running about there, as if you were out of your senses, but listen to me—get behind that glass and leave me to manage; I’ll play the Fortune Teller, now!—Help me on with the things—there! there! that will do; now then, away with you!
(They hide behind Cabinet, after disguising Jane).
Tom.(As entering). Come, Jerry, here they—Eh!—not here!—well, we won’t have our walk for nothing—Let’s quiz the old one a bit. I say, Mother Mummery, can you tell our fortunes for us?
Jane.(As old woman). Oh, yes; but you must cross my hand first.
Tom.She wants the tippery—there—(Gives money). There, that’s the figure, Jerry.
Jane.(Looks at Jerry). Now, Sir!
Jerry.Oh! must I fork out, too. (Gives money)
Jane.(Looking at their palms). Dear me!—dear me!
Tom.You said that before, you know.
Jane.You’ve been sad rakes—sad rakes indeed!
Tom.(Imitating her). Have we, indeed?
Jerry.Why, you witch of Endor!
Tom.What! can the devil speak?—but come, I’ll find you out at once. I conjure you by that which you profess, how’er you come to know it. Answer me, though you untie the winds! unveil your magic mirror, and show us the images of the women we are to marry. Come up with your little machine.Whew!appear—appear!—they won’t come!
Jane.I must have a little more money first!
Tom.Why, you old cormorant! more blunt, eh? there— (Gives money).
Jane.There, then!
(Draws Curtain; Kate and Sue appear behind it in their own dresses; Jane slips away).
Tom.Well, Jerry, what do you see?
Jerry.(Going up to glass). Susan Rosebud!—astonishing.——
Tom.Susan Rosebud! Oh, my dear Jerry, your ogles must be queer! (Goes up; sees Kate). My Kate! by all that’s miraculous! Where is the juggling hag? (Looking for Jane). Why, she’s mizzled! Holloa, Mother Damnable! Oh, there’s some mystery in the infernal mirror, which thus I solve!
Jerry.What are you about, Tom?
Tom.I’m going to mill the glaze—I’ll——
(Is about to break the glass, when Kate and Sue appear as the Miss Trifles).
Tom.The Miss Trifles! by all that’s——
JANE, KATE,andSUEcome forward.
Kate.Ha, ha! fairly caught, upon my word. (Retires up the stage, then says aside to Jane and Sue). Now girls it is time we should bring our plans to a conclusion. Logic’s imprudent ramblings have involved him in difficulties which, unless timely met, must terminate in ruin. I have bought up most of his debts; and in the midst of the gaiety of this evening, it is my intention to have him arrested and conveyed to prison. I have sent the officer my card of invitation, that he may be sure to gain admittance. This will open the eyes of the thoughtless trio, and enable us to put the money we took in trust at the gambling-house to its proper use; so let’s away, and about it straight.
[They run off.]
SCENE.—Mr. Mace’s Crib.“All Max” in the East.[33]
“Oh! for a glass of Max.”—Byron’s Don Juan.
A plague on those malty cove fellows,Who’d have us in spirits relax;Drink, they say, and you’ll ne’er burn the bellows,Half-water instead of all max;A glass of good max, had they twigg’d it,Would have made them, like us, lads of wax;For Sal swigg’d, and Dick swigg’d,And Bob swigg’d, and Nick swigg’d.And I’ve swigg’d, and we’ve all of us swigg’d it,And, by Jingo, there’s nothing like max.All-Max!By Jingo, there’s nothing like max!
Here thetag-ragandbob-tailsquad who do not care how thebluntcomes or how it goes.Togsor notogs! but nevertheless, who must live at any price, and see a “bit of life,” let the world jog on how it will; yet who can drop atearupon a sorrowful event—laughheartily at fun—shakewith cold—perspirewith heat—and go toroostmuch sounder upon a dust-hill than many of theswellscansnoozeupon their featherdabs; likewise in comparingnotes, feel happy in the presumption that there are hundreds worse off in society than themselves.
EnterSAILORS, DUSTY BOB, AFRICAN SAL, MAHOGANY MARY, MRS.andMISS LILLYWHITE, ROSIN, &c., &c.,with gin measures, drinking—Mr. Mace in attendance.
Bob.Now, landlord, ’arter that ’ere drap of max, suppose ve have a drain o’ heavy vet, just by vay of cooling our chaffers—mine’s as dry as a chip—and, I say, do you hear, let’s have a twopenny burster, half a quarten of bees’ vax, a ha’p’orth o’ ingens, and a dollop o’ salt along vith it, vill you?
Mace.Here, Waiter! a burster and bees’vax—ingens and salt here. (Calling as he fetches the porter from the side wing). Now, then, here you are, Muster Grimmuzzle. (Holding out his right hand for the money, and keeping the porter away with the other).
Bob.That’s your sort; give us hold on it. (Takes Mace’s empty hand). Vy, vhere?
Mace.(Keeping the porter back). Vy, here.
Bob.Oh, you are afeard of the blunt, are you?
Mace.No, it ain’t that; only I’m no schollard—so I always takes the blunt with von hand, and gives the pot vith t’other. It saves chalk and prewents mistakes, you know.
Bob.Now then for the stumpy. (Searching about in his pockets for the money). My tanners are like young colts; I’m obliged to hunt ’em into a corner, afore I can get hold on ’em—there! hand us over three browns out o’ that ’ere tizzy; and tip us the heavy. (Landlord receives money and delivers porter). Vy don’t you fill the pot? Likes to have a head on the pot.
Mace.How can you have a head on the pot, vhen the chill’s off?
Bob.Vell, then let me have the next vith the chill on, vill you? (Bob drinks).
Sal.You leave some for me, Massa Bob. (Drinks and empties the pot).
Bob.Vy, Sarah, you seems fond on it—likes to see the end, eh?
(Bob sits down on one stool and pulls another to the front of him on which he arranges the bread, cheese, onions, &c., then tearing open the loaf discovers a live mouse which he holds up by the tail, and walking up to Mr. Mace, says:—I say guv’nor I didn’t axe ye for a hanimated sandvitch did I?
Mace.Oh! you is allus so werry partic’lar some times you is. But I say ladies and gemmen, I hopes for the harmony of the evening, you’ll not be back’ards in handing out your mags and duces to the teazer of the catgut here.
Bob.Aye, aye!—lend us a tanner on the bell, vill you?
Mace.Lend you a tanner on the bell?—It’s vhat I don’t like, Muster Bob; highly improper—you know I’ve a wery great objection to anything of the kind; however, for vonce, I suppose I must; though it ’aint right—but talking o’ that, I begs leave to hint, that I trusts heavy vet von’t be the order of the evening!:—
Tom.(Without).—No, no, damn up stairs, we’ll go in here.
Mace.Zounds, I hope no traps isn’t abroad, and that there ’aint any beaksmen out on the nose!
Sal.(Looking out). Law, lovee, no, it’s only some gemmen out on the spree—I dare say dat dey’ll stand a drop o’ summat all round.
EnterTOM, JERRY,andLOGIC.
Tom.Now, my dear Jerry, here we are amongst the unsophisticated sons and daughters of nature, at All Max in the East. Let the West boast of their highfliers as they will, you’ll find there are still some choice creatures of Society left here.
Log.What, my lily! here take a drop of mother’s milk. (Gives black child gin out of a measure he has received from Landlord). Landlord, let every one have a glass of what they like best, at our cost.
Mace.Regular trumps! I can charge vhat I likes here. (Aside). Now, Muster Bob, vhat’ll you take?
Bob.Oh, ax my Sal.
Mace.Now, Marm Sal, give it a name!
Sal.Vy, bring me de kwarten of de Fuller’s earth.
Tom.Come, it shall be a night of revelry, my pippins—Song—Dance—everything in the world!
Mace.Aye! a jig, a jig!—Remove the stand-stills—sit down, gemmen. Ve shall be as merry as mudlarks, and as gay as sand-boys soon—It’s a poor heart vhat never rejoices. Come, Muster Grimmuzzle, vhat say you to a minnyvit vith your ould lady in mourning, here.
Bob.Vith all my heart; I am never backward at any thing of that ’ere sort; am I Sal?
Sal.Dat you not, Massa Bob.—Massa Fiddler, you ought to be shame; your fiddle drunk, and no play at all.
Log.I’ll gin him a little, my Snow-ball; then he’ll rasp away like a young one; won’t you, my old one? (Gives Fiddler gin and snuff).
Bob.‘Snowball,’—come, let’s have none o’your sinnywations, Mister Barnacles; she’s none the vurser, though she is a little blackish or so!
Log.Here, Landlord, more Blue Ruin, my boy!
Tom.Ceremonies are not in use here, so there’s no occasion for the master of them, Come, start off, my rum ones! the double shuffle.
Jerry.Aye, aye! come it strong my regulars.
COMIC PAS DEUX—Dusty BobandBlack Sal.
Accompanied by Rosin, on his cracked Cremona, and Jerry on a pair of Tongs, to the Air—“Jack’s alive.” In the course of the Pas Deux, Sal, by way of a variation, and in the fulness of her spirits, keeps twirling about: at the same time going round the Stage—Bob runs after her, with his hat in his hand, crying “Sarah! vy, Sarah, ’aint you well?” &c.—The black child seeing this, and thinking there is something the matter with its mother, also squalls violently; stretching its arms towards her: at length, Sal, becoming tired of her vagaries, sets to Bob, who exclaims, “Oh! it’s all right!” and the dance concludes.
Jerry.That would do honour to any crib; there’s nothing like pairing off according to fancy. You’re quite fly to the trotter shaking department, I see, my rum one!
Tom.To be sure he is a regular gravel digger; come, Sal, my lily. (Gives Sal gin).
Bob.Vy, Sarah, vere’s your manners; vy don’t you kurchy to the gemman?
Sal.Me do dat de second time. (Receives another glass). Your good helts, gemmen all. (Drinks).
Tom.Here, Dusty, my prince, now then, sluice your bolt. (Gives Bob gin).
Bob.Vell, your honours, here’s your luck. (Bolts gin). That’s a regular kwortern, I knows by my mouth.
Tom.There’s a swallow, Jerry, this fellow is a perfect mop.
Jerry.Now, Doctor, we must think of starting—Eh!—zounds! what’s the matter with you? (To Logic).
Log.I’ve left off drinking in a great measure.
(Merry and singing). “There’s a difference between,”&c., &c.
Jerry.Tom, see how snugly Captain Lushington’s getting abroad of Logic. Come, my boy.
Tom.Remember your appointment with the ladies.
Log.I do like this fiddle, I will have this fiddle. (Pulling Fiddler along).
Tom.Eh, zounds, Doctor, you’re going to smug the fiddler, and prig the pewter. (Taking gin measure away from him). Now then, what’s to pay, landlord?
Mace.All out, vill be fourteen bob and a kick, your honour.
Tom.Well, there’s a flimsy for you; serve the change out in max to the coves and covesses. (Gives money).
Mace.Thank your honour—and good luck to you.
Tom.Now then, Doctor, this way, my boy; come, come along.
Log.(Singing). “A Queen she cannot swagger.” I will have this fiddle—“nor get drunk like a beggar.”—More max here—“Nor be half so merry as I.”
[Logic becoming obstreperous, they partly force him off, and exeunt with him.]
Mace.Regular out-and-outers those ’ere! quite gemmen—I’ve stuck it into ’em a bit! (Aside).
Bob.Aye, ay, ve knows it! vith the chill off!—you’re an out-and-outStringer, you are!
Mace.So I don’t mind standing a trifle of summat all round, just by way of drinking their healths; and vhen ve’ve had the liquor, ve’ll kick up a reel, and all go to our dabs.
Bob.Ay ay! but before that, mind you get us a bit of grub for me and my Sal—about a pound and a half of rump steak—
Sal.No, two pound Massa Bob, for her rather peckish.
Bob.Very vell, two pound, vith a pickled cowcumber, and a pen’orth o’ ketchup, to make some gravy of; and stick it up to the bell!—d’ye hear?
Mace.You’ll melt that ’ere bell if you don’t mind, Muster Bob; this is vhat I don’t like—vhy don’t you always take care and bring plenty of money in your pockets?—You know I’m wery particular in things of this here kind!—though I don’t mind obligingyou——
Bob.Ay, ay, vith the chill off, I knows!—but it’s all right—must have the bell in the morning, you know, even if I spout the togs for it.
Mace.Now then, strike up, my beauty!
Bob.Aye, aye, pull it out, my pink!
[Comic Characteristic Reel by all the Characters; who, under the influence of All Max, at last reel off.]
Poor Logic in the Fleet Prison.
SCENE.—Interior of Whistling Shop; Master and Mistress of Whistling Shop—Racket players—Poor Tradesman, Smuggler, and Debtors discovered.
CHORUS.—(Omnes).All in the fleet we’re safely moor’d,But while we’ve trusty pals on board,Law may toThe devil go;Then, brother Debtors, sport and play.Let tempests whistle as they will,Our Whistling Shops will drown them still;A yard of tapeWill prove the Cape.And drive each thought of care away,Tol de rol.
EnterTURNKEYandLOGIC.
Turn.Here’s Doctor Logic come to pay you a visit, gentlemen—You’ll get good accommodation here, Sir; and find some regular trumps among ’em.
Log.Thank’ye.——
Turnkey.Is that all?—Only thank’ye?
Log.Oh, want some tippery! (Gives money). There! (Exit Turnkey)—Brothers, your most obedient. Some of my friends, thinking my learning was not complete, have sent me to your College to finish my education; not that I owe anything!—
Omnes.Oh, no!—we none of us owe anything!—Oh! dear no.
Log.I’m only here on suspicion of debt.
Omnes.That’s the case with all of us!—we’re all of us only here on suspicion!
Log.You’ll not find me a bad chum—but ready to hunt down any game you can start. Landlady, serve them with a glass of tape, all round; and I’ll stand Sammy—
Omnes.A regular trump! (Landlady serves them all with liquor, out of a bladder, as directed; Logic pays).
Smug.Well, while I can blow my cloud, and get a drop on the sly, I sets the Excise at defiance. What’s a little smuggling?
Poor T.(Aside). Could I have conveyed the value of that liquor to my wife and children, it might have saved them another day from starvation!
Log.(Overhearing). What! hard up!—wife and children starving!—that sha’n’t be while Bob Logic has a quid left.—Here, my honest fellow, go fill their bellies and make them happy. (Gives money).
Poor T.May heaven bless you, Sir—you know not half the good you have done!
[Exit poor T.]
Log.No: but I know one thing enough, and that is, the value of money—a prison is the only place to learn that in; and if ever I get out again——
EnterTOMandJERRY.
Log.Ah, Tom and Jerry! my boys! this is kind indeed!
Tom.Never desert an old pal in limbo, Bob; but when you get safe out of the river tick, take my advice, lookintonotoveryour affairs; if young men would but deign to consider this, would but, in the flowery wilds of pleasure, cast one glance at the guiding star of prudence—their pockets would be more full, and the prisons of the law more empty.
Log.Never doubt me, Tom—but welcome to ‘Freshwater Bay,’ to my new settlement on board the Never-Wag man of war;—homeward station—forced to be on goodtermswith others, if I am not with myself——
Jerry.Still as lively as ever, eh, Doctor?
Log.And so will you be when the haberdasher has served you with a good yard of tape.
Jerry.‘Haberdasher! Tape!’ I’m at fault again.
Logic.The haberdasher is the whistler, otherwise the spirit-merchant Jerry—and tape the commodity he deals in—It’s a contrabrand article here—white is Max, and red is Cognac.
Jerry.Then give me a yard and a half of red, if you please. (Landlady gives Jerry liquor).
EnterTURNKEY,with a letter.
Turn.Here’s a stiffener for you, Doctor!——
Log.A letter for me!——
Turn.It ’aint paid for.
Log.More tip, eh! (Pays him). This fellow’s a regular leech! you never use any chalk here?
Turn.Can’t afford it; besides it ain’t in our way, and then it makes such a mess over the walls.
Log.(Opening the letter). Aye, aye, that will do, go along—(Exit Turnkey) What’s this?—Five hundred pounds!—(Takes out note).—Wheugh!—Let me read—“Sir Jeremy Brag and the Captain, present compliments to Doctor Logic, request his acceptance of the enclosed, to free him from his present difficulties; it is the same sum his friends threw away on anoddtrick the other evening.—If Mr. Logic and his friends will look in at the Venetian Carnival, this evening, they will be joined by the Captain, Sir Jeremy, the Miss Trifles, and the Mendicants from the Holy Land; when, if properly solicited, the Masqueraders may unmask.” Prodigious!—I’mat fault here. I’ll away at once; drop the debt and costs in the hatchway, and be off to the Carnival.
Tom.We’ll go with you, Doctor.
[Exeunt Tom, Jerry, and Logic.
Smug.Why, they’ve hoisted sails, lads—well, success to them—oh the changes of life!
CHORUS.—(Omnes).Air.—“Here we go up, up, up.”Some there are up, up, up,And some there are down, down, down,But whether above or below,Let us always take care of the crown.They that are out may grin,While those that are in may fret,Yet poverty ne’er was a sin,And we’re sure they can’t hang us for debt.Fol, lol.
[Exeunt.
LOTS OF FUN AND FROLIC.
SCENE.—Leicester Square.—Characters dressed in Masquerade, cross the stage, as if going to the Carnival—Dominoes lead the way.
EnterOLD MAIDandPOODLEfollowed byCLOWN—CLOWNstealsPOODLE,and pops his own head inPOODLE’Splace—OLD MAIDenraged, pummelsCLOWN’Spate till she breaks her fan—CLOWNcarries her off squallingR.They are followed by grotesgueDWARF,in chintz gown and cap, with big head; preceded by servants with candles, who also exit.
EnterLILLIPUTIAN HARLEQUIN, COLUMBINE,andCLOWN;L.CharacteristicPASdeTRIOS,to the“NATIONAL WALTZ;”littleCOLUMBINEcoquetting betweenHARLEQUINandCLOWN—after they are off.O. P.variousMASKSenter severally—business ad libitum.
SCENE.—Venetian Carnival brilliantly illuminated—various characters on—Music, Dancing, Tumbling, and masquerade business ad libitum, till enter Jerry (as Sportsman) and Sue as Domino.
Sue.(Coming down). What game would you start here, Mr. Sportsman?
Jerry.None, my pretty Domino—I only hunt in Somersetshire; that’s my manor.
Sue.Manners makes the man, certainly; but you’re making game of me.
Jerry.I speak truth, by heaven!—Oh, Susan, lovely Susan, never can I forget thee, dear.
Sue.Indeed! then Susan takes you at your word. (Unmasks).
Jerry.Susan Rosebud!—Astonishment! then the Captain—Miss Trifle, and the pretty ballad singer!——
Susan.Were one and the same person, your humble servant!—I followed to preserve and reclaim you; I have done so, and I am happy—but your cousin comes, stand aside.
[They retire.
EnterTOM,as Don Giovanni, withKATEas Domino.
Tom.(Advancing with Kate). Could I find one of your sex that would be faithful, I would never rove again.
Kate.Are you sincere?—
Tom.By heaven!—I am!
Kate.Then behold the reward of your sincerity, the constancy of your faithful Kate. (Unmasks).
Tom.Kate! oh, my dear Kate!
EnterLOGIC,as Doctor Pangloss, withJANEin Domino.
Log.(Advancing with Jane). I am an L.L.D. and A.S.S.
Jane.(Unmasks). You are indeed an A-S-S, not to have found me out before.
Log.What! my Jenny!——
Jerry.Don’t be astonished, Bob—I’ll explain all:—Tom and I are going to make two matches; you must make the third—form a bunch of matches—exchange one imprisonment for another, her arms, you dog!—’aint you up?—
Log.I’m fly—Oxford has no fellowship like this! (Embracing Jane).
Tom.(Coming down with Kate). You are right, Bob, it has not.—Well, we have been amused by Life in London, now let us endeavour to profit by it;—let our experience teach us to avoid its quicksands, and make the most of its sunshine;—and in that anticipation let us hope our kind friends will pardon Tom, Jerry, and Logic all their sprees and rambles.
Jerry Going Back to the Country.
The White Horse Cellar, Piccadilly:—
Was now the parting scene, and the hand of the clock pointed very near to the time for the departure of the coach. The bustle of this place prevented the Trio from much conversation; but theseparationof suchstaunch palswas a trying moment to the feelings of poorJerry: and though he was aboveblubberinglike aJohnny Raw, yet hisHeartwas rathertouched, and hisoglesunderwent somequeersensations, which he endeavoured to suppress, whenCoachyasked “if all was right” and began to smack his whip.
The hearty grasps of the hand, and thegood-byeswere over betweenHawthornand hispals, andTomandLogicwere only waiting to see the coach start, whenJerry, with much eagerness of expression, as if he had forgotten to mention the circumstance previously, said, “my dear Coz”—but the coach was now fast rattling over the stones, and the last broken sentence which the ear of theCorinthiancaught was, “Mention me in the kindest manner to the lovelySue; tell her I am only gone intotraining, and in the course of a few weeks I shall most certainly return to London to enjoy a few moresprees(which I have so unexpectedly been deprived of), and also to have with her the pleasure of another game at romps.”
The End.
The Adelphi version of Tom and Jerry, or Life in London, was performed ninety-three nights in succession; and itsgoldencareer only stopped by the termination of the season. At the end of which,LittleBob Keeley, who had made agreathit as Jemmy Green—a character imported into the piece by Mr. W. T. Moncrieff—went with Walbourn, the great Dusty Bob, and Cooper, who played to the life, Little Jemmy, the cripple, to Sadler’s Wells Theatre, were Pierce Egan’s own version was produced April 8th, 1822. Keeley was threatened by the Adelphi lessees—Messrs. Rodwell and Jones—with an action for breach of engagement, but the action was never brought. In the season of 1822-3 at the Adelphi, John Reeve—‘Glorious John!’ became Jerry Hawthorn, Mr. Brown took the part of Jemmy Green, and several other changes in the original cast were effected. At Christmas, 1822,TomandJerrywas compressed so as to admit of the production of a pantomime calledBeauty and the Beast, or,Harlequin and the Magic Rose. When the managers announced that:—