Chapter 3

The untried youth first quits a father’s arms; -

“Oh! be like him,” the weeping sire shall say;

“Like MANNERS walk, who walk’d in Honour’s way;

In danger foremost, yet in death sedate,

Oh! be like him in all things, but his fate!”

If for that fate such public tears be shed,

That Victory seems to die now THOU art dead;

How shall a friend his nearer hope resign,

That friend a brother, and whose soul was thine?

By what bold lines shall we his grief express,

Or by what soothing numbers make it less?

’Tis not, I know, the chiming of a song,

Nor all the powers that to the Muse belong,

Words aptly cull’d, and meaning well express’d,

Can calm the sorrows of a wounded breast;

But Virtue, soother of the fiercest pains,

Shall heal that bosom, RUTLAND, where she reigns.

Yet hard the task to heal the bleeding heart,

To bid the still-recurring thoughts depart,

Tame the fierce grief and stem the rising sigh,

And curb rebellious passion, with reply;

Calmly to dwell on all that pleased before,

And yet to know that all shall please no more; -

Oh! glorious labour of the soul, to save

Her captive powers, and bravely mourn the brave.

To such these thoughts will lasting comfort give -

Life is not measured by the time we live:

’Tis not an even course of threescore years, -

A life of narrow views and paltry fears,

Gray hairs and wrinkles, and the cares they bring,

That take from Death the terrors or the sting;

But ’tis the gen’rous spirit, mounting high

Above the world, that native of the sky;

The noble spirit, that, in dangers brave

Calmly looks on, or looks beyond the grave: -

Such MANNERS was, so he resign’d his breath,

If in a glorious, then a timely death.

Cease, then, that grief, and let those tears subside;

If Passion rule us, be that passion pride;

If Reason, reason bids us strive to raise

Our fallen hearts, and be like him we praise;

Or if Affection still the soul subdue,

Bring all his virtues, all his worth in view,

And let Affection find its comfort too:

For how can Grief so deeply wound the heart,

When Admiration claims so large a part?

Grief is a foe - expel him then thy soul;

Let nobler thoughts the nearer views control!

Oh! make the age to come thy better care,

See other RUTLANDS, other GRANBYS there!

And, as thy thoughts through streaming ages glide,

See other heroes die as MANNERS died:

And from their fate, thy race shall nobler grow,

As trees shoot upwards that are pruned below;

Or as old Thames, borne down with decent pride,

Sees his young streams run warbling at his side;

Though some, by art cut off, no longer run,

And some are lost beneath the summer sun -

Yet the pure stream moves on, and, as it moves,

Its power increases and its use improves;

While plenty round its spacious waves bestow,

Still it flows on, and shall for ever flow.

THE NEWSPAPER

E quibus, hi vacuas implent sermonibus aures:

Hi narrata ferunt alio; mensuraque ficti

Crescit, et auditis aliquid novus adjicit auctor:

Illic Credulitas, illic temerarius Error,

Vanaque Laetitia est, consternatique Timores,

Seditioque repens, dubioque auctore Susurri.

OVID, Metamorphoses

THE ARGUMENT

This not a Time favourable to Poetical Composition: and why - Newspapers enemies to Literature, and their general Influence - Their Numbers - The Sunday Monitor - Their general Character - Their Effect upon Individuals - upon Society - in the Country - The Village Freeholder - What Kind of Composition a Newspaper is; and the Amusement it affords - Of what Parts it is chiefly composed - Articles of Intelligence: Advertisements: The Stage: Quacks: Puffing - The Correspondents to a Newspaper, political and poetical - Advice to the latter - Conclusion.

A time like this, a busy, bustling time,

Suits ill with writers, very ill with rhyme:

Unheard we sing, when party-rage runs strong,

And mightier madness checks the flowing song:

Or, should we force the peaceful Muse to wield

Her feeble arms amid the furious field,

Where party-pens a wordy war maintain,

Poor is her anger, and her friendship vain;

And oft the foes who feel her sting, combine,

Till serious vengeance pays an idle line:

For party-poets are like wasps, who dart

Death to themselves, and to their foes but smart.

Hard then our fate: if general themes we choose,

Neglect awaits the song, and chills the Muse;

Or should we sing the subject of the day,

To-morrow’s wonder puffs our praise away.

More blest the bards of that poetic time,

When all found readers who could find a rhyme;

Green grew the bays on every teeming head,

And Cibber was enthroned, and Settle read.

Sing, drooping Muse, the cause of thy decline;

Why reign no more the once-triumphant Nine?

Alas! new charms the wavering many gain,

And rival sheets the reader’s eye detain;

A daily swarm, that banish every Muse,

Come flying forth, and mortals call them NEWS:

For these, unread, the noblest volumes lie;

For these, in sheets unsoil’d, the Muses die;

Unbought, unblest, the virgin copies wait

In vain for fame, and sink, unseen, to fate.

Since, then, the Town forsakes us for our foes,

The smoothest numbers for the harshest prose;

Let us, with generous scorn, the taste deride,

And sing our rivals with a rival’s pride.

Ye gentle poets, who so oft complain

That foul neglect is all your labours gain;

That pity only checks your growing spite

To erring man, and prompts you still to write;

That your choice works on humble stalls are laid,

Or vainly grace the windows of the trade;

Be ye my friends, if friendship e’er can warm

Those rival bosoms whom the Muses charm;

Think of the common cause wherein we go,

Like gallant Greeks against the Trojan foe;

Nor let one peevish chief his leader blame,

Till, crown’d with conquest, we regain our fame;

And let us join our forces to subdue

This bold assuming but successful crew.

I sing of NEWS, and all those vapid sheets

The rattling hawker vends through gaping streets;

Whate’er their name, whate’er the time they fly,

Damp from the press, to charm the reader’s eye:

For soon as Morning dawns with roseate hue,

The HERALD of the morn arises too;

POST after POST succeeds, and, all day long,

GAZETTES and LEDGERS swarm, a noisy throng.

When evening comes, she comes with all her train;

Of LEDGERS, CHRONICLES, and POSTS again.

Like bats, appearing when the sun goes down,

From holes obscure and corners of the town.

Of all these triflers, all like these, I write;

Oh! like my subject could my song delight,

The crowd at Lloyd’s one poet’s name should raise,

And all the Alley echo to his praise.

In shoals the hours their constant numbers bring,

Like insects waking to th’ advancing spring;

Which take their rise from grubs obscene that lie

In shallow pools, or thence ascend the sky:

Such are these base ephemeras, so born

To die before the next revolving morn.

Yet thus they differ: insect-tribes are lost

In the first visit of a winters frost;

While these remain, a base but constant breed,

Whose swarming sons their short-lived sires succeed;

No changing season makes their number less,

Nor Sunday shines a sabbath on the press!

Then lo! the sainted MONITOR is born,

Whose pious face some sacred texts adorn:

As artful sinners cloak the secret sin,

To veil with seeming grace the guile within;

So moral Essays on his front appear,

But all is carnal business in the rear;

The fresh-coin’d lie, the secret whisper’d last,

And all the gleanings of the six days past.

With these retired through half the Sabbath-day,

The London lounger yawns his hours away:

Not so, my little flock! your preacher fly,

Nor waste the time no worldly wealth can buy;

But let the decent maid and sober clown

Pray for these idlers of the sinful town:

This day, at least, on nobler themes bestow,

Nor give to WOODFALL, or the world below.

But, Sunday past, what numbers flourish then,

What wondrous labours of the press and pen;

Diurnal most, some thrice each week affords,

Some only once, - O avarice of words!

When thousand starving minds such manna seek,

To drop the precious food but once a week.

Endless it were to sing the powers of all,

Their names, their numbers; how they rise and fall:

Like baneful herbs the gazer’s eye they seize,

Rush to the head, and poison where they please:

Like idle flies, a busy, buzzing train,

They drop their maggots in the trifler’s brain:

That genia soil receives the fruitful store,

And there they grow, and breed a thousand more.

Now be their arts display’d, how first they choose

A cause and party, as the bard his Muse;

Inspired by these, with clamorous zeal they cry,

And through the town their dreams and omens fly;

So the Sibylline leaves were blown about,

Disjointed scraps of fate involved in doubt;

So idle dreams, the journals of the night,

Are right and wrong by turns, and mingle wrong with right.-

Some champions for the rights that prop the crown,

Some sturdy patriots, sworn to pull them down;

Some neutral powers, with secret forces fraught,

Wishing for war, but willing to be bought:

While some to every side and party go,

Shift every friend, and join with every foe;

Like sturdy rogues in privateers, they strike

This side and that, the foes of both alike;

A traitor-crew, who thrive in troubled times,

Fear’d for their force, and courted for their crimes.

Chief to the prosperous side the numbers sail,

Fickle and false, they veer with every gale;

As birds that migrate from a freezing shore

In search of warmer climes, come skimming o’er,

Some bold adventurers first prepare to try

The doubtful sunshine of the distant sky;

But soon the growing Summer’s certain sun

Wins more and more, till all at last are won:

So, on the early prospect of disgrace,

Fly in vast troops this apprehensive race;

Instinctive tribes! their failing food they dread,

And buy, with timely change, their future bread.

Such are our guides; how many a peaceful head,

Born to be still, have they to wrangling led!

How many an honest zealot stol’n from trade,

And factious tools of pious pastors made!

With clews like these they thread the maze of state,

These oracles explore, to learn our fate;

Pleased with the guides who can so well deceive,

Who cannot lie so fast as they believe.

Oft lend I, loth, to some sage friend an ear,

(For we who will not speak are doom’d to hear);

While he, bewilder’d, tells his anxious thought,

Infectious fear from tainted scribblers caught,

Or idiot hope; for each his mind assails,

As LLOYD’S court-light or STOCKDALE’S gloom prevails.

Yet stand I patient while but one declaims,

Or gives dull comments on the speech he maims:

But oh! ye Muses, keep your votary’s feet

From tavern-haunts where politicians meet;

Where rector, doctor, and attorney pause,

First on each parish, then each public cause:

Indited roads, and rates that still increase;

The murmuring poor, who will not fast in peace;

Election zeal and friendship, since declined;

A tax commuted, or a tithe in kind;

The Dutch and Germans kindling into strife;

Dull port and poachers vile; the serious ills of life.

Here comes the neighbouring Justice, pleased to guide

His little club, and in the chair preside.

In private business his commands prevail,

On public themes his reasoning turns the scale;

Assenting silence soothes his happy ear,

And, in or out, his party triumphs here.

Nor here th’ infectious rage for party stops,

But flits along from palaces to shops;

Our weekly journals o’er the land abound,

And spread their plague and influenzas round;

The village, too, the peaceful, pleasant plain,

Breeds the Whig farmer and the Tory swain;

Brookes’ and St Alban’s boasts not, but, instead,

Stares the Red Ram, and swings the Rodney’s Head:-

Hither, with all a patriot’s care, comes he

Who owns the little hut that makes him free;

Whose yearly forty shillings buy the smile

Of mightier men, and never waste the while;

Who feels his freehold’s worth, and looks elate,

A little prop and pillar of the state.


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