“He speaks advisedly,” said a Holland publisher; “we have put to press all the follies of certain authors, who wished to revenge themselves, either upon a mistress, judge, minister of state, or prince; and for this we must needs be adjudged guilty of other’s faults, and share their punishment! but that wouldhave been slight, if we had not meddled with books of religion. We have published in Holland the works of all parties; Christians, Jews, Catholics, Protestants, Socinians, Quakers, and every other sect; and often in the same book, sold both sides of the controversy.”
“You have then,” said I, “no religion!”
“We are,” replied the Dutchman, “the historians of authors; and as a historian must have neither relations, country, friends, nor religion, even so we have none of these; but under the name of citizens of the world, have but one object, and that, the advancement of our own interests.”
Immediately upon these words, he hastily fled with the others, to re-assemble themselves near the demon of the book merchants, who called for his whole crew. I felt great compassion at the fate of these unhappy wretches, condemned to hell, because they were brought up to the profession of publishing the dreams and extravagances of authors: it is worthy also of reflection, that they are compelled to consult the taste of the age, and of the multitude.Now the taste of the age is exceedingly fickle: it is not that of learned men and wits; books of morality and criticism are purchased much less readily than novels and profane histories; so that book merchants, in their condition, have an unhappiness that attaches itself to no other trade, independently of the fact, that this business is not held in the same estimation at the present day, that it formerly was. They were then ranked with men of letters; they were admitted to the bar and church; the cardinal Ximenes bestowed on them great preferments; he ennobled him who published the famousBible d’arrias montars. We see, in his time, publishers who possessed rich abbeys and seats in the council. And what was not done for them by the fifth Sixtus, that incomparable genius? In France, they arrived at great distinction, and have been seen in the first posts of the principal cities of the kingdom; and we know that a celebrated emperor of Germany, was one of the first publishers, if not himself the inventor of printing. But to return from this digression: when the book merchants werere-assembled, the notaries, who had just arrived, wished to place themselves in their ranks; but the devil used his authority to separate them, averring that there was, in fact, a vast difference.
“Without doubt,” said the notaries, “we are the book merchants of manuscripts; we compose and publish our works, to which the public accord the same faith, as to things they have themselves seen; we are faithful public witnesses, the guarantees of contracts, promises, and obligations; the guardians of titles, rights, and privileges; our testimony is true, infallible; above suspicion, deceit, and fraud.”
“Why,” said the devil, “are you come to hell? for if you fulfilled those duties, you are honest people, and I declare, not only useful, but necessary to the public; for, between ourselves, there is so little public sincerity, that if one could not prove, by writings and witnesses, the price at which he bought or sold, he would often find himself cheated of his money.”
“It is,” said one of the notaries, “for some antedates or superfluous ciphers, that we aredamned; judge you, if the matter is of such vital consequence; one is so often deceived by writings, and one figure is so easily substituted for another;—the pen too, slips sometimes, and a nought is so easily made!”
“You are right, in truth,” said the devil, addressing himself to me; “they wrong these poor people, in sending them to us; they have committed trifling faults, while they do not punish the apothecaries, even, for putting up the recipes sent them. I have a great mind to send these unfortunate persons home again.—Go; return, my friends; you have suffered great injustice.”
“And we also,” said the corps of bankrupts; for they had done them the honour to separate them from the merchants, who had dealt honestly.
“As to you, Signors,” said the devil, “enter into the furnace, without further examination: we leave it to the notaries to enter at pleasure; they have within them a torment as cruel as fire; it is conscience, that never yet respected any person.”
“Oh, oh! ah, ah!” cried the bankrupts,“if they had not wronged us, we should have kept our faith with every one: would you, because we were cheated, that we should send our families to the almshouse?”
“I did not go to Holland, or to the islands, when I failed,” said one; “I shut myself up in a private room in my house, and there negotiated, through my wife, with my creditors, making each one to remit a part of his just claims: you know what would have happened, had I appeared; there is seldom much charity among creditors.”
“I,” said another, “did much better; for I transported from Madrid to Venice all the merchandises I had collected, changed my name, and after having made a fortune upon these goods, paid the principal, on condition they would remit the interest: was there not in this bankruptcy, good faith, justice, and prudence?”
“Yes,” replied the devil, “and I cannot conceive on what grounds you were condemned; it is very evident it must have been for something else.”
“No,” continued the man, “it was for thisvery thing; because they pretend that for these twenty years, I have injured my creditors, in depriving them of the enjoyment and possession of their property; consider, Signor devil, if I am under an obligation to repair this damage? would it not only be ridiculous, but render them guilty of usury towards me.”
“Ah! the honest man,” said the devil; “why do they send to us folks so upright and sincere? but my friend,” continued he, “you have the ill luck to be found in bad company; we cannot help you; arm yourself, therefore, with courage, and prepare to support the sufferings to which the bankrupts are destined; you will be forced to accustom yourself to much pain; but console yourself, by uniting your complaints with those of your comrades.”
Directly the devil stamped upon the pavement, where the publishers, notaries, and bankrupts stood, when a trap door, springing open, engulphed them all, and closed itself as before.
At this stage of my dream, I was awakened by a serenade of violins and hautboys, thatsome one gave to a young lady of the house. I immediately arose, and looking from the window, saw a number of young men, who, after a prelude upon their instruments, began to sing. As there was no window but mine open, they imagined they beheld the beauty to whom their homage was addressed; and to amuse myself at their expense, I threw out a splendid handkerchief, which one of them eagerly caught; he kissed it more than an hundred times; then putting a diamond, worth thirty pistoles, into a purse, threw it into my chamber, with a billet couched in these terms:—
“My charming princess, at night my heart awakes for thee; by day, I am only occupied with your charms. I burn, without cessation, with the love you have inspired; when shall I have the happiness to express to you in private, what I feel, and what your silence causes me to suffer? one sweet line from your hand, shall re-assure and console me. Speak, and nothing can equal my happiness; continue silent, my misery is at its height, and I have no relief, but in death.”
After perusing this billet, I answered it in the following manner, the substance of which was furnished by a song I happened to remember.
“When one reigns, or when one loves, the pain is not without its pleasures; solicitude renders them more vivid. Happy prince! Happy lover! it is not in vain you suffer; they will resist you but slightly, when they themselves suffer from protracted resistance; yes, when one reigns, or when one loves, the pain is not without its pleasures.”
I cast my billet from the window, and it was soon taken up. The adventure seemed to me very pleasant: behold what followed; I deposited in the bed of the fair, the diamond that was designed for her, not being able to keep it longer with honour, and without exposing myself to the anger of the young lady, who would soon know by what window it entered. Upon retiring the next night, she found it; she informed her lover of the discovery, and he explained the whole affair. She thanked me graciously for my gallantry;I gave her the billet I had received, and she returned my handkerchief. The mistake arose from my having lain, that night, in the chamber ordinarily occupied by this young lady, her bed having been removed to that of her father, and on that account was unable, as usual, to answer her gallant. She made me the confidant of her attachment, and besought my good offices with her father, which I so zealously used, that in less than a month, I assisted at the marriage of these lovers.
Those who interpret dreams, say, that the one I had concerning hell, hardly presaged this adventure. I pray those who read my reveries, or nocturnal visions, to consider that they contain more truth, than one would be apt, at first, to imagine: by day they ought to occupy themselves with thoughts upon hell, as intently as they would in the most important affair; or as they would seek the means of deliverance, if shut up in prison, for a crime against the state. One is damned for a less offence than the robbery of the treasury, revolt, or parricide. Yes, for a muchslighter fault, one shall be eternally tormented in hell.—Reflect often upon this, dear readers, lest you have it to say, through the interminable ages of futurity, “I could not have thought it.”
AsI promenaded one day in my garden, thinking of demons, which are always at the back of every one, the foolish idea struck me, that it would not be wholly useless to reform my life. I felt a curiosity to see my evil demon; but, thought I to myself, if I should see him I believe I should die with fear. No, said I again, I should not be terrified, if he would but show himself in a human shape. After having repressed this improper curiosity, and resumed my composure, I heard a man speaking to me; and turning my eyes to that side from whence the voice proceeded, I perceived, through a grated door, which separated the garden from the park, on the other side, a gentleman of a good mien, who requested me to open the gate, as he wished to have some conversation with me. As he resembled a man with whom I had formerly some misunderstanding, I refused; but hepassed over it before I had the power to prevent him. Immediately drawing my sword, I set upon him; and he doing the same, parried my thrusts and stood upon the defensive only. As I perceived that his figure at one moment contracted, and anon dilated to a huge magnitude, I began to suspect that he was either a magician or a demon; and stepping rearward some paces, demanded who he was. He answered that he was my demon, and wished to render me a service.
“I have no need of such service,” said I to him; “for demons are both deceptive and malicious.”
“No, no,” replied he; “fear nothing; only come with me.”
Forthwith he transported me into the air, and I soon lost sight of my house and garden. In a short time we drew near the moon; and while passing, I gazed attentively upon those valleys, mountains, and lakes, which are but imperfectly perceived from the earth by the aid of telescopes. The demon transported me to Sicily and set me down upon the summit of a mountain covered with cinders yet hot,which he told me was Etna. There was, from this place, a very fine prospect; one sees all the beauties of the isle, and of the surrounding seas: in the distance, the highlands of Africa are distinguished, like fleecy clouds, upon the verge of the horizon; a multitude of vessels were sailing in view, which seemed like white ants, or flies, sporting upon the surface of the ocean. After we had rested there about one hour, the demon told me to follow him. We descended into an aperture from whence belched forth smoke and flame that illumined the whole mountain.
“It is here,” said the demon, “that Pliny fell, when he had the temerity to approach too near.”
The whole way, as we proceeded, was composed of rocks and fat earth, like bitumen, and from time to time, might be seen veins of sulphur. The rocks were full of little crevices, from whence issued vapours and sulphurous exhalations, and sometimes slight gusts of wind. When we had travelled downwards about the space of an hour, we came to a vast cavern, into which we entered; at its extremitywas an immense palace, hewn in the rock, and elevated upon massive pillars.
“This,” said the demon, “is the palace of Lucifer. Let us enter into the great hall, where we shall see him give a general audience to the damned: listen attentively to what shall be said; examine the events that take place, and let what you shall see serve for your instruction.”
The following is a correct account of what I saw in these subterraneous abodes.—For a long time, Lucifer, the ruler of hell had not given audience to his subjects: the disorder that ordinarily obtain in states from the negligence of princes, are incidental as well among demons as men. The evil spirits remained sometimes for ages in the world, without rendering any account of the souls they had gained, and often suffered themselves to be driven from the tenements of which they were masters; the address of some monk or priest snatching from them their conquest. Men performed in hell the office of demons; and as they frequently left their chains to seek their enemies, battles were as common, asformerly between the Romans and Gauls. Lucifer, either from a fear for his crown, or weariness at seeing so many combats, resolved one day to hear, in general convention, the complaints of the damned; to introduce a reform among the demons; to re-establish the submission and obedience due to his sceptre, and to extend the boundaries of his empire by new conquests: this was very easy of execution, provided he would give access and free parlance to his subjects, and compel his demons to render an exact account of their administrations. With this design he secretly consulted with Belzebub, the prince of devils, Belial, the governor-general of Pagan nations, and Ashtaroth, the princess who commands all women. At the termination of this council, circular letters were published, which ordained that all those who had complaints to prefer, and all the demons scattered over the world, should assemble upon an appointed day in the great hall of the palace, when and where they should be heard.
The day fixed being arrived, the hall was presently filled, and measures taken, that assoon as one party was heard, another should enter. Lucifer was seated upon his golden throne, having upon each side those princes I have before mentioned. After having inveighed against the disorders prevalent in hell, and stated his determination to rectify them, he signified his permission to the standers by to speak. At this intimation there arose an old man of a haughty appearance, and having a crown of laurel upon his head; he read the Roman laws touching parricides, and amplified upon the ingratitude of natural and adopted children towards their parents.
“The parties,” said Belzebub to Lucifer, “must be ordered, before commencing their speeches, to announce their names, because many of them have been dead a great length of time.”
Such a decree was accordingly made; and he who had now spoken about half an hour, said that he was Julius Cæsar, the first emperor of the Romans. “Under the pretext of the liberty of our common country,” continued he, “Brutus and Cassius, to gratify their ambition, assassinated me in the midst of thesenate, their enmity was not directed against the empire and monarchy, which were, on the contrary, the object of their desires; but they hated the emperor, who had magnified the Roman power, and extended its dominion both north and east. Was the government better administered in the hands of those senators, who, by their feuds and personal dislikes, perilled the salvation of the republic, by resigning it into the hands of a perpetual dictation, whom they were obliged shortly afterwards to elect? Rome having once tasted the benefits of monarchy, preferred rather to obey a Nero, a Tiberius, a Caligula, or a Heliogabulus, than to re-establish this pretended public liberty, for which Brutus and Cassius, those two traitors, took up arms against the father of their country.”
He continued his discourse in this strain, and concluded by moving, that they should be treated in hell as assassins, public disturbers, and traitors.
Brutus then arose, and with a trembling voice, said: “Senators, you have heard Cæsar; have you not been biassed by hiseloquence? But will you forget the services I have rendered? Remember the advice you privately gave me, to encourage the glorious design I had conceived in favour of your liberty? Answer then to Cæsar, that it was by your advice I gave the fatal stab; that if the laws had not been abrogated and violated by the formidable power of tyranny, you would, yourselves, have put him to death under the forms of justice; and that your silence, after the execution of my project, was an evidence of your approbation.”
Cassius, assuming the discourse, said he would not undertake to plead his own cause if Cicero was present.
“I will not,” said Cæsar, “listen to this timid sycophant; this cowardly soul; this selfish orator: when he feared my power, he said, in full senate, that he would be my buckler against enemies, and, at the same time, conspired against my life, and defends the act of Brutus and Cassius. His cupidity was so eager, that for money, he might be bought on the same day to speak upon both sides of a case; and so sober-tongued, that there wasnot a soldier in the army, who would have bestowed upon his greatest foe one tittle of the scurrility he heaped upon Anthony. You recollect, Signors, his phillipics: he had not the courage to support a change of fortune; and the common cause was abandoned by this patriotic man before he was slain by Anthony.”
“May all such wretches be ever punished in the same manner! and with what can they reproach me? Did I put any senator to death? Did I pillage the commonwealth? Did I not return, by my will, what I had amassed and conserved for her defence? Will they accuse me of tyranny and usurpation? I, who delivered the Romans from the ambition of a Pompey? Will they charge me with cruelty? I, who could not behold without weeping the head of my most inveterate enemy? Yes, I can truly say, that it was grief at the sad fate of Pompey, that invited me to declare war against Egypt. I was desirous of avenging the death of this great man. He would have made himself master of Rome if I had not prevented him; and because I stood forth asthe defender of the public liberty, was assassinated as a usurper. What wickedness! What perfidy! What cruelty! The senate recognized every thing I had done, when, after my death, they erected statues, and built me temples. Infernal judge, will you bear with these impious men, who killed him whom the empire delighted to honour?”
Cicero would have spoken, fearing the eloquence of Cæsar, or his vehemency, would impose upon the judges; but Cæsar constantly interrupting him, Lucifer, tired with their clamours and the length of the cause, ordered that the emperor, as a punishment for not having profited by the advice he received on his way to the senate, upon the day of his death, should remain in his present place.
“It was I,” said Cicero, “who caused this information to be sent him.”
“Base liar! perfidious man!” cried Cæsar, “it was you who gave me this information! why did you not bring it yourself?”
“It was the will of Fate, that Brutus, Cassius, and other senators, involved in this conspiracy, should be marks for infamy, astraitors to their country, and as having afforded a direful example of politicians without courage.”
After him arose Alexander the Great, very much vexed that Cæsar had spoken before him, and pretending that the cause of this Roman emperor should not be considered before that of the emperor of the world; but he abandoned his pretensions, when a crier had made proclamation, that in hell, all conditions were equal, and that the damned had among them, no other distinctions than those of crime.
“Infamous prince,” said Clytus, who stood behind Alexander, “dare you speak, after having murdered the best of your friends? Is not the brightness of thy conquests tarnished by the shame of thy cruelty? What punishment dost thou merit, for having despoiled princes so distant from Macedon, who, so far from having wronged or injured you, did not even know you?”
“Silence,” said Alexander.
“What! I be silent! if Lucifer, the chief of this empire, imposes silence upon me, Iwill obey: but shall I yet receive orders from you, cruel brigand, notorious robber, sacrilegious rascal, debauchee, fool, drunkard, incendiary?”
“No, no: speak, son of Olympias,” said Lucifer to Alexander.
He began thus: “Alexander, son of Jupiter Amnion, lord of the world, most high and mighty emperor, conqueror of the habitable globe—”
Clytus laughed at the boasts: “what a lord! what an emperor! what a god! Behold the titles which I dispute. In the first place, his mother was a virtuous woman. She but mocked her son, who, through pride, accused her with having committed adultery with Jupiter Amnion. Secondly, he was not lord of the world; since he did not conquer the tenth part of it: and thirdly, it is false that he is a great emperor; for an emperor is only ennobled by heroic virtues and qualities, which he did not possess. And how is it possible that he should be the conqueror of the habitable globe, having never been neither to Africa, nor very far in Europe, nor toChina? Thus he is only Alexander, as I am Clytus.”
Here Lucifer passed an order that this prince should only assume the titles that veritably pertained to him, and permitted Clytus to continue.
“I was,” said Clytus, “the prime favourite of this Alexander, who, wishing to conquer every body, had no enemy nearer and more powerful than himself. Contemplate our portraits: I was his favourite, and I have always seen him as ambitious of distinction in wickedness as he was for honourable action: but as a foundation to my complaints against him, I ought to state, that this prince, elevated by his flatterers to a place among the gods, was accustomed to speak without respect of Philip his father. He showed himself more munificent towards gladiators, musicians, and drunkards, than towards his bravest captains. In conformity to this disposition, he gave the kingdom of Sidon to Abdolonymus, a well-digger; he committed numberless extravagances at the instigation of his mistresses; to please a courtesan named Roxana, he burntthe palace of the Persian kings; his conduct towards Parmenio, Philotas, and Calisthenes, as well as Aminthus, his relation, is sufficient proof of his barbarity. And did he not exhibit more than cruelty towards me? I was the most faithful of his confidants; he who flattered him the least; who gave him the best of counsel; to whom he owed his reputation and honour. Alas! because I had the presumption to speak my true sentiments at a feast, he arose from the table and inflicted upon me a mortal wound. I now demand expiation. King of hell, revenge Clytus, punish Alexander.”
This prince then replied as follows:—“Favourites bear the same relation to sovereigns as mice to cats.”
At this exordium Clytus began to laugh, and said: “Listen to a comparison worthy of the disciple of Aristotle.”
“The mouse,” continued Alexander, “seems at first to divert itself with the cat; but finally this animal, being more powerful, devours the mouse, who cannot accuse her with cruelty for wishing to take her turn in the sport.Such, about me, was the condition of Clytus: but to demonstrate the mistake of this ungrateful favourite, I aver, that it is the policy of princes to keep favourites, who are towards them neither forward nor haughty; and not to accord them too much power. The liberties they take with us cause us to fall into contempt; their hauteur makes us appear timid, and their power fills us with just suspicions. Clytus having thus taken advantage of me, I was frequently ashamed of his familiarities. Such was his pride, that if I dared to contradict him in the least thing, he reared up like an unruly horse: my bounty had rendered him so powerful, that he was in fact Alexander, and I was but Clytus. In particular, he abused my mistresses, and the officers of my house; in counsel he was always right and I wrong; in every battle, it was he that was victorious, and I who had been slack and timid. If I put some to death, it was but consonant with justice, to punish the seditious or conspiring; if I burnt the palace of the kings of Persia, it was for the purpose of destroying a fortress that had been used againstme; if the pleasures that were indulged in after my conquests were sometimes too free, it arose from a desire to gratify my generals; in fine, the death of Clytus crushed those treasonous designs of which I had notice. He only waited for an opportunity to set one part of my army against the other, and to despatch me. I sang at a feast the songs my soldiers had composed upon their officers and myself; I rallied Clytus for having, in a certain action, taken to flight: this madman let loose his rage upon me; he loaded me with contumely; the wine he had drank deprived him of reason: I thought it was time to punish his audacity, and to prevent the excesses to which it might carry him. Thus perished an usurping, traitorous, insolent and unworthy favourite. Lucifer, I have spoken the truth.”
After having heard the parties, the king said to his demons, “Take notice how proper it is that a subject should be faithful and submissive to his prince; and that a favourite should not go beyond the respect he owes to his sovereign.We do orderthat as long as Alexander shall be tormented by his ambition,Clytus shall experience all the remorse that springs from rashness and ingratitude.”
At the same moment was heard the voice of Seneca, speaking to Nero: “Cruel prince, how have you profited by the lessons of clemency, goodness, and humanity I have given you? Did you not murder me to repossess yourself of the wealth I had received from you? Such was my recompense for having raised you to empire. Was it not I who saved you from the conspiracy formed by Piso, after you had set fire to all quarters of Rome? Was it not I who delivered you from the snares which had been spread for you by the friends of your mother Agrippina, whom you afterwards put to death? I was more careful of your reputation than yourself, when I advised you not to exhibit yourself as a comedian upon the theatre; when you entered the lists to dispute the prize of poetry with Lucan, whom you afterwards assassinated.”
“Old fool,” said Nero, in a slender voice, “thou wert become unworthy of my favours by thy excessive ambition, and by the dishonouryou brought upon my palace. Great Lucifer, you see a man who, being my preceptor, did not profit by his own theory. He maintained a shameful commerce with my mother; and with a view to favour it, poisoned the Emperor Claudius, my father, who did not commit suicide, as was the prevalent opinion at Rome. The partiality of my mother filled him with such audacity, that he projected mounting the throne, and having me poisoned. I was informed of the intrigue, which I suspected before having received positive advice. I observed that his immense wealth had obtained him very many friends among the senators, gentlemen, and officers of the army; and it is worth while, also, to know, that this man who preached so much about frugality, and the love of mediocrity, was far from practising these virtues, which are easily reported of a man possessing twelve millions of revenue. After having punished the tyranny and usurpation of my mother, I was bound to punish the crimes of Seneca; but I was yet lenient enough to leave the manner of his death to his own choice.”
“The subjects and favourites of princes,” said Lucifer, “are always culpable, when they are ungrateful, or entertain any other desire than the prosperity of their masters: they ought to leave to them the recompense of their services, without attempting to reward themselves.We will, then, that the philosopher, Seneca, born in Spain, should be punished as if he had compassed his designs upon Nero: and that Nero be treated as an unjust and barbarous prince.”
“This ordinance,” said Sejanus, “does not concern me: Tiberius caused me to be assassinated without reason, actuated by one of those suspicions to which he was usually addicted. He was troubled more by a fear of losing his life, than the empire. His courtezans had too much influence over him. As to myself, I have never punished any but the enemies of Tiberius: to be sure, they were also mine. But were not, in truth, the opposers of a minister who governed as well as I did, foes to their prince and country?”
Tiberius would have answered; but Lucifer, interrupting him, ordered that all thefavourites of princes should come in. There appeared a vast number, among them Plautius, the favourite of Severus, was particularly remarkable: also Faustus, the favourite of Phyrrhus, king of Epirus; Pyreneus and Cleandrus, favourites of the emperor Commodus; Cincinnatus, favourite of Britulus; Rufus, favourite of Domitian; Ampronisius, favourite of Adrian; Belisarius, favourite of Justinian.
“Listen,” said Lucifer; “the favour of princes is like quick-silver, the motion of which cannot be arrested, and which flies the endeavour to restrain it. If one would sublimate it, it is a vapour that exhales itself; and often, if too much is used, it becomes dangerous. If one anoints with it, it penetrates to the very bones: those who are accustomed to draw it from the mine, and purify it, contract a malady which makes them tremble all their lives. This is the character of princes’ favour: it is inconstant, because it depends upon the humour and passion of one who seeks only novelty and the pleasure of the moment. If you are importunate, if you exhibit the least sign of impatience, if you are even suspected of prudence in themanagement of your credit or fortune, the attachment of the prince will cool. If you show any marks of envy against another, of discontent in yourself, or indifference in the presence of your protector, he suspects you, and passes straightway from suspicion to enmity and hatred. Bear then with resignation your bad fortune and the humour of your master: your pains, attentions, time, health, wealth all lost, you are at length obliged to return into your humble retreat, there to expect death; which, to your grief, comes not soon enough to free you from regret and the remembrance of your follies. A casual sally, an instant of good humor, a lucky word, a sudden caprice, a nothing, makes a favourite. Five or six years suffice for his fortune; if delayed, it escapes him. The same causes can bestow or withdraw favour. A favourite ought to make these reflections in his prosperity,—that he must abstain from those liberties that are common among equals, and that freedom which friends indulge in; that he must be constantly submissive, and know how to accompany respect with complaisance; that theprince ought always to speak the first word in a confidential affair; and to preserve his secrets, he must dispose himself to every kind of privation. He who hath not regulated his conduct by these precepts must bear the burden of his own imprudence; and for this reasonwe orderthat those favourites who have incurred the displeasure of their sovereigns shall be punished as unfaithful subjects.”
Lucifer then commanded an old man to advance, whom he perceived in the hall behind the others. There advanced then a man of a pleasant countenance, in a Greek habit, and followed by other persons clothed in the same manner.
“I am Solon,” said this old man: “I gave to the Athenians laws which they did not exactly follow; this person contiguous to me is the philosopher Anaxarchus, whom the tyrant Nicocreon caused to be brayed in a mortar: in this little hump-back, behold the famous Aristotle, preceptor to the great Alexander: his philosophy excused the disciple from practising the morality he taught. This academician is Socrates, whom his fellowcitizens put to death with a cup of hemlock. This old man is the divine Plato, who, spite of the sublimity of his doctrine, sold oil for the defrayment of his expenses. All the rest are men of letters, who, like ourselves, have excited the envy, and experienced the vengeance of the princes, Archons and Tyrants, of Athens; and it is now upon these tyrants we unitedly demand vengeance.”
Then Denis, the tyrant, accompanied by some other princes, presented themselves and spoke in this manner:—“Of whom do these old dotards complain? Infatuated by their conceits, they pretended to dictate law to the whole world! In fact they had so imbued the people with their dogmas and their customs, that when we wished to make some changes, they excited sedition. They had so much pride and presumption, that they arrogated to themselves alone the possession of common sense and reason; while in truth they were distinguished but for opinions founded upon vain subtleties, and by a language not common and familiar to men:—and now I should like to ask them what certain knowledge they had;what was their idea upon the nature of the soul? and what constituted the reason and equity of their laws?”
“I will add to that,” said Julian, the apostate, “that there are pedants, who, under the affectation of austerity, concealed the most extreme ambition. Do they complain of the contempt that was shown them, when their manner of living exposed them to it? Will they speak of their poverty, who would not labour for a living? The people of letters deceive themselves if they believe that princes and the public ought to enrich them for vain and useless sciences. Should they not make their calculation for that, when, idle in their cabinets, they amuse themselves in contemplating the figures and number of the stars, which they apply, to find fault with the common prejudices of our ancestors?”
“At least,” observed Cato of Utica, “you cannot make those remarks with regard to Cicero, or myself, who have exercised the highest magistracies of Rome.”
“Old fox,” answered Julian, “I cannot, it is true, say so of you two; for if you wereattached to letters, you were still more so to your fortunes. And of whom can you complain, you who accelerated your own death? Did you not hope to gain an easy immortality in thus quitting your terrestrial abode? It was to arrive at this, that you did not wish to survive the pretended misfortunes of your country. Fine courage that, of a man who kills himself to escape fighting with his enemies! Would you not have done better to have preserved yourselves for the defence of Rome, its liberty, and your goods?”
“I recommend you,” said Cato, “to the Antiochians: they will tell the truth of you better than I can: they know you; they are fully acquainted with your pusillanimity, your vices, but, above all, with your vanity, which surpasses your knowledge and eloquence. Look at this great emperor, who, to punish Antioch, quits the sword, assumes the pen, and is, after all, nothing but an ignoramus.”
“I am called Suetonius,” said he, who presented himself next.
“Yes, this is Suetonius,” said the emperorDomitian, who was at his side; “this is that notorious forger, and compiler of histories and chronicles, who, after the example of other historians, being a partisan and a flatterer, speaks the truth from caprice, and lies from inclination.”
“I!” said Suetonius; “I have said nothing that I cannot prove by indubitable evidence. Is it not true, that upon the testimony of vile informers, you have taken from the living, the estates of the dead who were accused? Is it not true that you have levied upon your subjects tributes so enormous, that they were forced to claim protection from a foreign power? Is it not true that you have despoiled the Jews of their goods only because they were born Jews? Is it then a crime to have been circumcised at birth and not to adore the gods of the Roman empire? Is it not true that by your excessive expenses for theatres, and buildings, you have exhausted the purses of the Romans, and left to perish with hunger the bravest soldiers of the army? To escape the consequences of a sedition, you committed horrible pillages, and thus paid your debts.Your pride and impiety are exhibited in these few words, extracted from one of your declarations: ‘Your Lord,your God,’ commands thus.”
“What signifies that?” said Domitian: “Are not the emperors gods as well during their lives as after their death? Were not Augustus and Cæsar adored in the empire? I was as much a god at the time I willed it, as my predecessors have been gods after their death. The divinity of men is nothing but a power superior to that of others, as the present divinity of Augustus is but a perfection above the virtues and qualities of living men. But who, among men of sense, has ever believed that the gods were like men? or adored in the statue any thing more than the virtue of the original? Who ever believed that the number of gods was equal to their names, their temples, or their statues? No, no, Suetonius, you did not believe all this, and it is from perfidiousness that you have accused me of impiety for being called a god.”
“And your unjust vexations,” replied Suetonius.
“As it regards that,” said the emperor, “subjects who cannot penetrate the designs of their sovereigns always consider the tributes imposed upon them as unjust; but if enemies were about to inundate the kingdom; if the empire was menaced with approaching ruin; if there was danger of the pillage and sack of frontier cities, would not the prince have reason to take measures for the prevention of these disasters by a heavier levy, and a stronger assemblage of troops? If I had apprized the Romans of these things, which I had learned by my spies, they would have been more likely to have risen against myself, than against the common enemy: so powerful is the voice of interest with the multitude!”
Here Lucifer interrupted the emperor and ordered all the historians, historiographers, authors of journals, of memoirs and chronicles, to advance, to listen to their sentence. “It is,” said he, “for the public interest, that mendacity should be punished in writers, as in those who speak falsely; but it is of equal interest that writers should be permitted to speak the truth, without flattery and withoutfear, to the end, that men by reading the history of their ancestors, may learn to become good, and detest the conduct of the unjust. Although it is crime that brings us subjects,we wish, nevertheless, that it should be punished in our empire; and it is that which constitutes the justice of the torments they feel. A prince flatters himself in vain with a fine and secret policy, if his subjects are rendered unhappy by the rules he has prescribed for their conduct; whatever colour he may take to cover his actions, and make them appear just, if they are not so in effect, which the event proves, he expects in vain the approbation, the esteem and love of his subjects. The writer who undertakes a history ought to divest himself of the sentiments of both love and hatred; he ought to have no partiality for country, relations or friends; he is the sole judge of the affairs of which he treats, and the master of princes when he describes their actions. Accordingly,we ordain, that Domitian and the other princes shall submit to the judgments of their historians; that the historians shall be punished for flatteries and lies;for the examination of which, we order them before the tribunals of conscience, to whom we delegate plenary authority for the decision of their cases; and as a judgment upon the geometricians, geographers, astronomers, and mathematicians, we condemn the one party to measure by minutes, seconds, and lines, the dimensions of all the provinces, kingdoms, and empires of the earth; and the others to be shut up in the planets upon which they have pretended to make observations, to the end that they may be instructed by their experience. Furthermore we decree, that afterwards, the aforesaid geometricians, geographers, astronomers, and mathematicians, to be there punished for their foolish and rash opinions.”
The audience having now lasted a considerable time, Lucifer commanded something to eat to be brought into the middle of the hall. Forthwith there appeared a vast number of chirurgians, cooks of hell, with an almost equal number of apothecaries, having the title of confectioners to the devil. They set forth a great table of gold, upon which they placeda vast quantity of silver plate: they informed me that this table and plate had been fabricated with the gold and silver stolen, and afterwards sold to the goldsmiths. I have never any where seen such a quantity of linen: it proceeded from the thefts committed by linen dealers and washer women; for all that is stolen upon earth, goes into hell after the second or third generation of thieves. They served for the first course a heap of tailors roasted upon the spit. Lucifer is very fond of this meal; and the expression, “may the devil swallow me,” which the tailors often use, is not inappropriate; for he does swallow many; and the demons, his table companions, do the same: the subjects always having tastes similar to those of their masters, be they good or bad. I inquired of one of the demons, why his infernal majesty devoured more tailors than cooks, sausage makers, butchers, peruquiers, in short, people of other trades.
“It is,” said he, “for a very politic reason; for otherwise he would soon want subjects of any other description; those of other trades are by far the least in number, whilethe others are so plenty, that if we could eat them all in one day, the morrow would supply as many more: they arrive continually, in one eternal troop. Sometimes in beholding them afar off, we imagine them to be entire armies, coming to besiege us: this trade is more useful in hell, than you would be apt to think: we send among the tailors, young devils without experience: their shops are so many academies for our youth. If you had nice eyes, you might perceive more than fifty young demons in each tailor shop; some cut the cloth; others the list; these take away the superfluous pieces; those put them in the place they call thestreet; while some do nothing but open and shut the place they call theeye. Some carry the cabbaged pieces to sell; others make complete suits out of the patterns cut from the cloth; in fine, there are many about the women, girls, and valets of the tailor, to assist them in stealing the cloth, or stretching the binding. When these young devils have finished their diabolical apprenticeship, they are sent to the merchants. In that station they abridge all the measures, andsometimes throw themselves into the scale, among the merchandise, to make it weigh more: if you could see all their tricks, you would be highly amused.”
When this course was removed from the table, they served another of tailors, roasted upon the gridiron: after that, others, baked in pates, smothered in a pot, fried in a pan, and dressed in a hundred different ways, with this only difference, that those of each nation had a particular dressing. The French tailors were spitted; the English, grilled; the Holland, fried; the Germans, smothered in a pot; the Italians, made into ragout; the Spanish, boiled, because they are ordinarily hard; the Polonese, in pates; the Hungarians, salad; the Turks, cooked in rice; the Greeks, in wine; the Arabians, dried in the sun; the Egyptians, with onion sauce; the Algerines, fried in lard; the Portuguese, preserved in sugar; the Danish, Swedish, and Muscovite, were almost all dressed in the same manner; that is to say, baked in brandy; the Tartar, boiled in horse grease; the Persian, fricaseed with gravyde demon; the Indians, baked inbananas; the Chinese, and all the islanders, were very much seasoned with spices and sugar; the Ethiopians, negroes of Fez, Morocco, and Guinea, were baked in black butter; and the Americans, in milk.
“What an immense quantity of tailors,” said I to the demon who was near me; “your cooks must understand their business, to be able to compound so many dishes of viands, which differ no more the one from the other, than the bullocks of Spain from those of Ireland.”
They served to Lucifer wine of the various publicans of the world. “Fie!” said I to the demon; “your master is hardly a connoisseur of wine.”
“You are mistaken,” said he; “it is true, that this wine has been mixed with water, sugar, and spices; but the publicans are obliged to separate all these drugs, even the water which they ordinarily put in, from the rest, which remains pure, fair and clear; if the publicans did not do this, they would put them in the press, and draw from their veins all the wine they had themselves drank.”
“How!” said I, “do you live upon nothing but human flesh?”
“How should we live else?” answered he. “Can we eat beef, mutton, partridges, fish, and beans? These animals come not hither, but in smoke; and herbs will not grow in a place so hot.”
“How can you say that animals come here in smoke?”
“It is those the idolaters sacrifice to the prince of demons: this smoke penetrates even to this place, and is the only perfume agreeable to our sovereign; for as to the scented oils, powders, and pomatums, of which the men and women of the other life make use, Lucifer is so incommoded, that those who are thus scented, dare not approach his apartment.”
“Egad!” said I, “Lucifer has then a smell keener than that of a hound.”
“Yes: he has so fine a scent, that he instantly knows whether a girl has been cautious or not; whether she has been married, or not, and the exact number of times: and the other day there came here amenette, whomade a profession ofmenettisme, wearing the habits, air,et cetera: she wanted to make every thing appear smooth, saying, that she had been sent here for having administered to herself the discipline, contrary to the direction of her directors: but the prince approaching her, perceived, and said immediately, that this habit, modest as it was, covered much indevotion, sacrilege, gallantry, and falsehood. The young girl retired abashed; she had not imagined that any person could discover, under the exterior of such simplicity, what she had been guilty of, during her life; you see Lucifer has an exquisite nose.”
“If he has,” said I, “the other senses in a similar perfection, he well merits the commandery of hell.”
In the mean time, Lucifer, and the other lords, invited to his table, continued to eat with good appetite: besides the individuals of his council, there were a great number whom I heard designated by the names given to the gods of fable, such as Jupiter, Saturn, Apollo, Mercury: and to goddesses, such as Juno, Venus, Diana, Proserpina, and others;I should think there were at least fifty persons at table. These gods and goddesses were men and women, like the others; and in reflecting upon that circumstance, I thought they were princesses and princes, whom the people had put in the place of gods. But these ignorant people deceive themselves; for their gods, instead of being in heaven, are in hell. The same thing often happens in the world; a particular person is looked upon as a man of honour, who is, in fact, worse than one whom they consider the most knavish; another as a good man, who, in truth, is one of the worst; they frequently speak of one as happy after death, whose lot, if they did but know it, is quite the contrary: this is the sentiment of saint Pere, who said, “they peopled heaven with the inhabitants of hell.” The dessert served up to this great demon, was very pleasant to behold: it consisted of hypocrites, bigots, and apostate monks, all preserved in sugar: in the middle of it was a country seat in sugar: one could perceive the chateau, with its fosses, garden, park, wood, closes, vineyards, fish-ponds, fountains, jets of water,mill, stables, and farms; the whole being executed in the most perfect symmetry of architecture.
The demon observing my surprise, told me, the devil usually devoured goods unjustly acquired: “have you not,” said he, “heard it remarked, that property illy gotten, failed notto go to the devil? It comes to us; for be it known to you, that what is lost in the world, falls down here. You can find in our magazines things of every description: the entire shops of merchants, stores of grain and wine, tons of silver, an arsenal filled with arms, cabinets of jewellery and precious stones, tablets covered with antique medals, a kind of pantheon, filled with idols of gold, silver, and bronze, which you have no doubt seen at the houses of antiquaries: for the fruits of larcenies, spunging, and usury, always come straight to us.”
After the desert, the Jews and Turks brought coffee, tea, chocolate, tobacco, aqua vitæ, liquors, and opium. The lords drank of all, and Jupiter partook so freely of tobacco and brandy, that he became quite elevated:he began to sing a song in the Greek language, the substance of which was: “What a charming spectacle for the mighty Lucifer! the dead dispersed throughout this cavern, are to him delicious meats. Subtle Love, and you gods of combat, theft, and drunkenness, contribute to content the taste and desires of our sovereign. So long as one remains in Tartarus, he must not hope for any other pleasure; we must not think of objects to be procured in other places.”—While Jupiter repeated this song, Juno accompanied him, saying: “So long as one regains in Tartarus, he must not hope for any other pleasure. Lovers, you enhance our joy, for death hath separated you for ever.”—In imitation of Jupiter and Juno, Mercury and Mars sang thus: “Yes, while one remains in Tartarus, he cannot hope for other pleasures. The money which was our love, is lost for ever: we love it still, but despairing of enjoyment.”—Mars, with a voice of thunder, sang. “Yes, when one is in Tartarus, he must not hope for other pleasures. War, which was our delight, is no more for us, but a vain flourish: here one hears neither fife nor drum.”
After this little concert, which amused Lucifer, he made them call the players upon instruments, who joined the gods and goddesses. There was then heard the most frightful music: with the sound of violins and other instruments, which were played upon by those who had been musicians in the other world, there mingled a horrid noise of thunder, and raging wind, such as it produces when it rushes through a straight street, or groans, amid a wood of firs. This noise was succeeded by another, like that which is heard at the eruption of Mount Vesuvius or Etna: my ear was struck with a bellowing, like that of the sea, when agitated by a furious tempest. All these agents yielded to a choir of voices, that issued from the lowest depths: there was heard nothing but complaints, groans, cries, and howlings, similar to those of dogs, impatient of confinement. I should have expired with fear, if I had not been previously warned, that this was the music which would divert the prince of hell. Jupiter and Mars, in spite of their intrepidity, found this music so disagreeable, that they ceased singing, andsignified their uneasiness to Lucifer. They then removed the table, and the service of plate; and the audience having been resumed, they began to call up cases of different states; and after having disposed of those pertaining to the people of justice, the sword, and the church, they cited the women of all conditions. The beautiful Helen then appeared, who complained that at her return from the siege of Troy, she had been condemned to be hung by Polixo, her relation, at whose house, in the isle of Rhodes, she had taken refuge, Nisistratus and Megapontus having driven her from Greece. She was asked if she had consented to be abducted by Paris; if she had accorded him the last favours before leaving Peloponessus; if she had granted the same to the king of Egypt, when his vessel touched at her country. She answered ingenuously to these questions, that having been married by policy and force, to prince Menelaus, she had acquainted him that she did not love him.
“Did you love,” said Lucifer, “the Trojan prince before marriage?”
“I had not then seen him; but my heart was never for Menclaus; it was free when Paris came to Argos, and its first impression was in favour of this stranger prince. Am I culpable for all the evils caused by the siege of Troy? Furthermore, the Greeks ought not to complain of this abduction, as a breach of hospitality: some years before, they had taken away a Trojan lady; and in ancient times, had not Jupiter, of Grecian origin, stolen Europa, a young princess of Asia, from this part of the world, inhabited by Trojans?”
Menelaus spoke after his wife, whose ingratitude and infidelity he exaggerated; he accused her of having poisoned him on the return from Troy. “Why assassinate me, when she had the liberty to go to her relations? Could I have done more to express my regret at her loss, after her elopement, than by building to her memory a temple, consecrated to Venus?”
“You are a very clever man,” said Jupiter to Menelaus; “who told you that a husband could make his wife love him by caresses and services? A woman who does not loveher husband, takes all his cares for stratagems, invented by jealousy: she believes him false and wicked. Accuse only your patience and weakness; and between ourselves who are dead, since the living cannot hear it, it is a very good joke, to make so much noise about the infidelity of a coquette:” and Jupiter sang a song, the burden of which was, that one was often very happy to be rid of his wife, as he then could enjoy the advantages of liberty.
“Am I permitted to be as stoical as you are?” said Menelaus. “One must have a great force of spirit, to vanquish a passion like that of love: how cruel, to love without return! Ah! I now condemn myself: let Helen prosecute her quarrel with her relation Polixo, to which I am a stranger.”
“Since this Grecian prince is voluntarily condemned,” said Lucifer, “I am about to pass sentence upon the husbands who have complained of their wives; and upon the wives who have complained of their husbands.”
The judgment was couched in these words:“Since love is natural, and no one can dictate a woman’s will, and since neither the jealousy nor severity of a husband are of any avail, to compel a wife to conjugal fidelity, we order, that all husbands shall suffer the pain of foolish and indiscreet love, without having from that any pretence to restrain them; provided, however, that they may revenge themselves with chance intrigues, and contribute, by their patience and complaisance, to the ruin of their rivals. We ordain, also, that women who complain of the amours of their husbands, shall be condemned to the torments of jealousy; with an equal permission to those ladies who are not beloved by their husbands, to receive the cares and attentions of their neighbours. Finally, we forbid the married of both sexes, to bring any more actions upon these subjects, and reject them, in advance, from court. We command our demons, and principally Asmodeus, the demon of marriage, to bear in hand the execution of the present ordinance. Given in hell, at the grand audience hall, to be signified to whom it may concern.—Signed,Lucifer, king ofhell: and countersigned by my lord, the devilPatiras.”
“Signor,” said Cleopatra, “this edict cannot prejudice my rights against Augustus, emperor of the Romans: his ambition prompted him to attach to his triumphal car the queen of the Egyptians: to save myself from this shame, I laid violent hands upon myself. I demand that Augustus should be punished as guilty of my death.”
“Am I responsible for your actions?” said Augustus. “Who informed you that I should put this indignity upon you? Cæsar had loved you; Pompey also, as I believe: that Antony did, no one can doubt. The reputation of those charms by which you had subdued the conquerors of the world, had made such an impression upon my heart, that I would not only have made you its governor, but have re-established you upon the throne of your ancestors; but the timidity so natural to your sex, pride, and haughtiness, misled you: the poison you employed to produce death was so subtle, that I could never discover its nature.”
“All! tyrant,” said Antony to Augustus, “you were not satisfied with having at the same time caused my death and the loss of my empire; but you must also effect the death of my spouse, whom I preferred to the throne.”
“I deny that,” replied Augustus; “you abandoned the field of battle to follow Cleopatra; yourself commanded a servant to give the blow of death, to prevent falling into my hands; it was in conformity to your counsel that Cleopatra killed herself; great Lucifer, I am innocent of these things.”
“We ordain,” said Lucifer, “that both parties should be delivered to their remorse of conscience; if they are not satisfied with this judgment, let them present themselves before Astarte, sovereign of women, to whom Venus and Pallas are associated, where their cases shall be more amply examined.”
There came next a queen, accompanied by many women and girls, armed as soldiers: this was said to be the foundress of the kingdom of the Amazons. To this troop, Zenobia, queen of Palmyra, Elizabeth, queen of England,and other princesses who had governed their states, joined themselves. Amazonide, daughter of Samornas, (so they called the foundress of this female monarchy,) complained against Hercules that he had made some of her subjects captive: against Theseus, who had married one, when their army was defeated in Greece; against Achilles, who had put to death the princess Orythia, for having succoured the Trojans; against Alexander the Great, because, not content with the favours he had received from the queen Thalestris, he had put her kingdom under contribution; against the Ephesians, who, for their ingratitude towards the Amazons, who had founded their city, were themselves delivered to other masters: and thus in the same manner against many other princes and people.
“Illustrious women,” said Lucifer, “a sex so fragile as yours, a monarchy so naturally given to tenderness, could not resist the force of men, nor get away from an empire so sweet as that of love. You have wished to act contrary to your destiny: made to submit,you have desired to command; but women cannot reign but by submissions to the laws of love; that renders men completely amenable to the will of woman. If men have done you wrong, accuse your own hearts; they have done the injury of which you complain. A warrior, proud and gallant, is full of ardour for victory when a fair Amazon is the price of conquest; and on the other hand an Amazon fears to vanquish a young soldier whose amiable qualities have now disarmed her. So we re-commit to yourselves the examination of those affairs you have brought to our tribunal: do yourselves the justice I should do, if I examined the matter with more care, and let all women be convinced, they have no greater enemies than their own hearts.”
Zenobia then took the stand, and said to Lucifer, that her heart had never been master of her head: “I lost,” continued she, “my husband Odenatus, for whom I had the purest attachment: although he left me young, my subjects were willing to obey me. During the thirty years of my government, I cannow say, that I maintained my sway with as much mildness as wisdom. When the thirty tyrants under Galienus divided the empire, I took possession of a province in Syria, that had formerly been separated, and united it to my kingdom. Aurelian declared war against me, and having taken me captive, led me in chains behind his triumphal car. In the endeavour to overcome the fidelity with which I preserved the memory of my spouse, and which was my sole consolation for the loss of my crown, he exiled me, under a specious pretext, into the Tybertine country; but he could not vanquish my constancy. Spite and rage seized him; he put to death Herennianus and Timolaus, my two sons, whom I had myself brought up; I had given them an excellent education, and had taught them the Egyptian, Greek and Latin languages; it was for their use, that I had compiled an abridgment of the oriental history, and that of Alexandria. What was my grief at seeing myself deprived of two children, who would have perpetuated my name, and honoured my blood upon the throne of Palmyra! Let noone boast to me of the liberality of this prince towards his subjects: I am aware that he often distributed among them clothing, corn, wine and oil: but this virtue was tarnished by his avarice towards strangers. Could he not be contented with the boundaries of the Roman empire, which was a world of itself, in which one could make voyages both by land and sea? And why should I not accuse him of the murder of my two sons, since he even put to death the son of his sister? His cruel jealousy might well extend itself to the children of a queen whom he had ruined. Justice, god of hell! do not suffer Zenobia to remain under the tyranny of this haughty emperor; for even here, he pretends to exercise it over me. Does not death reduce to an equality monarchs and their subjects, conquerors and their slaves? A distinguished Roman poet has said, ‘he knocks, without distinction, at the gates of palaces and huts.’ Lucifer, hell, remorse, eternity, do me justice for these grievous tyrannies.”
“Speak Aurelian,” said Lucifer; “what prerogative do you pretend over this princess?”
The emperor answered in this manner: “Aurelian, emperor of the Romans, pontifex maximus, consul, censor, augur, tribune of the people, supreme head of Germany, Parthia, Persia, Arabia, Scythia, and Africa, to Lucifer—”
“Lay aside these vain titles,” said Belial, who sat near Lucifer: “could not the scurviest beggar who had traversed with his pack, for a living, the various countries of the globe, assume as many with as much propriety?”
“I must then be but plain Aurelian?”
“Yes, you are nothing else.”
“I will not consent to it; and I had rather be condemned than not to affix my titles to the head of my defence.”
This emperor having declined answering, Lucifer accorded to queen Zenobia what she had demanded.
Elizabeth, queen of England, then came forward: she complained of the count of Essex, who slighted her affections at the time she was sought by all the princes of Europe. Lucifer referred her to the tribunal of Astarte, where he had sent the Amazons.
After her appeared Dido, queen of Carthage. She testified great dissatisfaction at Virgil, who had represented her as enamoured with a man she had never seen.—Referred to the same tribunal.
Sappho also was in court: she averred that there had never been any other Sappho than herself, who was born in the Island of Mitylene: had given her name to the sapphic poetry, and was the author of poems dedicated to her friend Phaon, one of which had been translated by Ovid.
The other Sappho declared that she was the true, the only Sappho who had existed; that she was born at Erise, in the time of the elder Tarquin, king of Rome; that she had married Cersyla, of Andros, one of the ancestors of the muse Clio; and that she had composed poems of different kinds. The claims of Sappho of Mitylene were then recognized, and the other forbidden to assume this name, or any work thereunto appertaining, because the property of a wife belonged to her husband: and according to the laws of all nations, her acts ought to appear in his name.
Sappho having been confirmed in her rights, accused Phaon of coldness and ingratitude. “When,” said she, “I had given him my heart, I was no more mistress of myself; I wished by my works to immortalize my love and his name: hard as the rocks of Parnassus, inflexible as the fiercest dog of Thessaly, impenetrable as the isthmus of Corinth, he disdained my flame; my verse made no impression upon him; weary of my love, he sought but to escape from me; insensible to my anguish, when I threw myself from the precipice of Leucadia, he manifested no sorrow. O, rage! O, fury of love! avenge my wrongs.”
Lucifer ordained that Sappho should present her case before the goddess of females.
Artemisa rehearsed all she had done to eternise the memory of her spouse: she repeated a hundred times the name of her dear Mausoleus, and demanded that he should be again restored to her, since she had died for love of him.
The matron of Ephesus, who stood near her, began to laugh loudly, at the idea of awoman’s demanding her lost husband from hell.
Both of them being adjudged fools, for contrary reasons, were remanded to their dungeons.
Lucretia, a Roman lady, succeeded them; she demanded justice against Tarquin, who, by her violation, had been the cause of her death. Jupiter, who wished to amuse himself, asked her if she had made any resistance.
“Yes,” said she.
“What hindered you from stabbing Tarquin as he approached you?”
“He was the stronger party, and would have killed me.”
“Was he alone?”
“Yes.”
“Was there ever seen a man, who could, unassisted, force a woman to the gratification of his lust? Why did you not rather suffer death, than permit him to consummate his enterprise?”
“You are so importunate, that I must needs avow the truth: Collatinus, my husband, discovering my intrigues with the young prince,poinarded me, and then spread a false report, to advance the designs of Brutus and himself. This Jupiter,” murmured she, retiring, very angry, “is an impertinent—he will not believe that any woman could be capable of so heroic an action as that attributed to me, and that they are all coquettes.”
“Let all the women,” said Lucifer, “betake themselves to the tribunal established for them.” He then gave orders for the approach of four princes, who craved audience: the first was Darius, who impleaded Alexander the Great: the second, Bajazet, who accused Tamerlane of robbery: the third, Constantine Paleologus, who reproached Mahomet with his cruelty and ambition; the fourth, Montezuma, king of Mexico, who complained against Fernandez Cortes, and the usurpation of the Spaniards. The three first replied, custom, and the laws of war: as to the last, he was listened to, more from curiosity than any intention to reinstate him in his possessions.
Montezuma spake very nearly in these words: “I was formerly the legitimate and peaceful possessor of the Mexican states,which my fathers had enjoyed from the universal deluge, if not before; for there are people calledpreadamites, who maintain, that God created men in that part of the world calledAmerica, who did not descend from the first man born in Asia, and whom they calledAdam. The avarice and temerity of certain merchants, led them across the immense sea, which separates America from Europe; they represented themselves as persons, who, having been shipwrecked, had need of succour: we gave them firs, wood, and silver; we aided them to the extent of our power. All these gifts, which ought to have served for the establishment of an honourable commerce and friendship, only inflamed their cupidity and avarice. We were their friends; they made us their vassals, after having combatted us with arms, of which we were ignorant: mounted on horses of which we were horribly afraid, they put us to flight with the terrible noise of their cannon; having rallied, we assembled all our troops; they prevailed by the superiority of their arms; shutting us up in villages, theybesieged, they massacred, they took us captive, and carried all before them, with fire and sword. Regardless of royal majesty, which I held of God, they took my life. If it is right to usurp the goods and estate of another, why do not subjects war against their sovereigns? Why do not families seek the downfall of families? Why do not the wicked and strong dominate, the one over the weak, and the other take away their goods? Natural right, which bestows every thing that hath no owner, was it upon the side of the king of Spain, or on mine, who had received the kingdom of Mexico, as an inheritance from my fathers? The civil law, which maintains possession, and which protects legitimate proprietors, was it in favour of the king of Spain, or in mine? The reason of all ages and countries accuse the Spaniards. We learn in childhood, that we must not do to others, what we would not have them to do to us; Did I carry war into Spain? Why then have they brought it to me, and that too, in a country where they had experienced the cares of hospitality, to destroy a prodigious number ofmen? What horrible ingratitude! what frightful injustice! what atrocious cruelty! Lucifer, be the avenger of one half the world: punish the Spaniards.”