On this hand Wealth, on that young Pleasures lie;He ne’er wants these, who has that kind Supply.Exeunt.The End of the First Act.ACT II.Scene I.SirRowland’sLodging.Enter SirRowland,Teresia, and LadyYouthly, &c.L. Youth.Well, SirRowland, if I should be inclin’d to cast away my self on your SonGeorge, what wou’d you settle?Sir Row.Settle! not a Souse, Madam; he carries the best younger Brother’s Fortune inChristendomabout him.L. Youth.Why, the young Man’s deserving, I confess. But he’s your Son, SirRowland, and something ought to be settled upon the Heirs of our Bodies, lawfully begotten.Sir Row.AllHerculeshis Labours were a Jig to his that shall beget ’em.Aside.If you like him upon these terms, to make him Master of your Fortune—L. Youth.For that, let him trust to me, and his own deservings.Sir Row.No trusting in these fickle Times, Madam—Why, I’ll let the young sturdy Rogue out to hire; he’ll make a pretty Livelihood at Journey-Work; and shall a Master-Workman, a Husband, deserve nothing?L. Youth.Ay, these Husbands that know their own Strength, as they say, set so high a value on their conjugal Virtues. And if he be disloyal, again o’t’other side he gives a Wife so ill an Example—for we are all liable to Temptations.Sir Row.Well said; if thou beest so, it must be the old Tempter himself.Aside.Look ye, Madam, I’ll propose a fair Swap; if you’ll consent that I shall marryTeresia, I’ll consent that you shall marryGeorge.L. Youth.How, my Grand-daughter? Why, I design’d her for your eldest Son, SirMerlin; and she has a good Fortune of five hundred a year that I cannot hinder her of; and is too young for you.Sir Row.So isGeorgefor your Ladyship; and as for his Fortune, ’tis more than likely I shall make him my eldest Son.L. Youth.Say you so, Sir, well, I’ll consider, and take Advice of my Friends.Sir Row.Consider! alas, Madam, my House will be besieged by all the Widows in Town; I shall get more by shewing him, than theRhinoceros. Gad, I’ll sell the young Rogueby Inch of Candle, before he’s debauch’d and spoil’d in this leud Town.L. Youth.Well, suppose—Sir Row.Nothing underTeresia—Gad, I think some old Dog-Star reigns to Day, that so many oldHeartsare burning in their Sockets—I’m in love with this young Tittymouse here, most damnably—Well, what say you, Widow? Speak now, or you know the Proverb.L. Youth.Well, SirRowland, you are too hard for me.Ex. all butTeresia.EnterOlivia, runs to her and embraces her.Ter.’Tis as you said,Olivia, I am destin’d to your Father.Oliv.What, the Sentence is past then?Ter.Ay, but the Devil is in us, if we stay till Execution Day: Why, this is worse than being mew’d up atHackney-School—my Fortune’s my own, without my Grandmother, and with that Stock I’ll set up for my self, and see what Traffick this wide World affords a young beginner.Oliv.That’s well resolv’d; I am of the same mind, rather than marry Mr.Welborn, whom I never saw.—But prithee let’s see what we have in Stock, besides ready Money—What Toys and Knick-nacks to invite.Ter.Faith, my Inventory is but small—Let me see—First, one pretty well made Machine, call’d a Body, of a very good Motion, fit for several uses—one pretty conceitedHead-Piece, that will fit any body’s Coxcomb,—when ’tis grave and dull, ’twill fit an Alderman; when politick and busy, a Statesman; turn it to Intrigue,’twillfit a City Wife; and to Invention, it will set up an Evidence.Oliv.Very well!Ter.Item, One Tongue, that will prattle Love, if you put the Heart in time (for they are Commodities I resolve shall go together) I have Youth enough to please a Lover, and Wit enough to please my self.Oliv.Most excellent Trifles all! As for my out-side, I leave to the Discretion of the Chafferer; but I have a rare Device, call’d an Invention, that can do many Feats; a Courage that wou’d stock a Coward; and a pretty Implement, call’d a Heart, that will strike fire with any convenient force: I have eight thousand Pounds to let out on any able Security, but not a Groat unless I like the Man.Ter.Thus furnish’d, we shall ruin all theJews, and undo theIndiaHouses—But where shall we show? where meet with the Love-Merchants?Oliv.What think you of the Gallery at the Play in Masks?Ter.Shu, a State-Trick, first taken up by Women of Quality, and now run into Ridicule, by all the little common Devils of the Town; and is only a Trap for aTermer, a small new rais’d Officer, or a City Cully, where they baul out their eighteen Pence in Baudy, and filthy Nonsense, to the disturbance of the whole House, and the King’s Peace: the Men of Quality have forsaken it.Oliv.What think you of theMall?Ter.As too publick to end an Intrigue; our Affairs require a Conquest as sudden as that ofCæsar, who came, saw and overcame.Oliv.’Tis true, besides there’s so many Cruisers, we shall never board a Prize. What think you of the Church?Ter.An hypocritical Shift; of all Masks I hate thatof Religion; and it shou’d be the last place I’d wish to meet a Lover in, unless to marry him.Oliv.And, Faith, that’s the last thing a Lover shou’d do, but we are compell’d to haste, ’tis our last Refuge; if we cou’d but see and like our Men, the business were soon dispatcht.—Let me see—Faith, e’en put on Breeches too, and thus disguis’d seek our Fortune—I am within these three days to be fetch’d fromHackney School, where my Father believes me still to be, and thou in that time to be marry’d to the old Gentleman; Faith, resolve—and let’s in and dress thee—away, here’s my Lady—They run out.Scene II.A Chamber.EnterMirtillaand Mrs.Manage.Mir.Ah, let me have that Song again.A Song by Mr.Gildon.I.No,Delia, no: What Man can rangeFrom such Seraphic Pleasure?’Tis want of Charms that make us change,To grasp the Fury, Treasure.What Man of Sense wou’d quit a certain Bliss,For Hopes and empty Possibilities?II.Vain Fools! that sure Possessions spend,In hopes of Chymic Treasure,But for their fancy’d Riches findBoth want of Gold and Pleasure.Rich in my Delia, I can wish no more;The Wanderer, like the Chymist, must be poor.Man.Not see him, Madam—I protest he’s handsomer, and handsomer,Parishas given him such an Air:—Lord,he’s all over Monsieur—Not see him, Madam—Why? I hope you do not, like the foolish sort of Wives, design a strict Obedience to your Husband.Mir.Away, a Husband!—when Absence, that sure Remedy of Love, had heal’d the bleeding WoundLejerehad made, by Heaven, I thought I ne’er shou’d love again—but sinceEndymionhas inspir’d my Soul, and for that Youth I burn, I pine, I languish.EnterGeorgerichly drest, stands at a distance gazing onMirtilla.Man.See, Madam, there’s an Object may put out that Flame, and may revive the old one.Mir.Shame and Confusion.—Lejere.Turns and walks away.Geo.Yonder she is, that Mien and Shape I know, though the false Face be turn’d with shame away.Offers to advance, and stops.—’Sdeath,—I tremble! yet came well fortify’d with Pride and Anger. I see thou’st in thy Eyes a little Modesty.Goes to her nearer.That wou’d conceal the Treasons of thy Heart.Mir.Perhaps it is their Scorn that you mistake.Geo.It may be so; she that sets up for Jilting, shou’d go on; ’Twere mean to find remorse, so young, and soon: Oh, this gay Town has gloriously improv’d you amongst the rest; that taught you Perjury.Mir.Alas! when was it sworn?Geo.In the blest Age of Love, When every Power look’d down, and heard thy Vows.Mir.I was a Lover then; shou’d Heaven concern it self with Lovers Perjuries, ’twould find no leisure to preserve the Universe.Geo.And was the Woman so strong in thee, thou couldst not wait a little? Were you so raving mad for Fool and Husband, you must take up with the next readyCoxcomb. Death, and the Devil, a dull clumsey Boor!—What was it charm’d you? The beastly quantity of Man about him?Mir.Faith, a much better thing, five thousand Pounds a Year, his Coach and Six, it shews well in thePark.Geo.Did I want Coach, or Equipage, and Shew?Mir.But still there wanted Fool, and Fortune to’t; He does not play at the Groom-Porter’s for it; nor do the Drudgery of some worn-out Lady.Geo.If I did this, thou hadst the spoils of all my Nation’s Conquests, while all the whole World was wondering whence it came; for Heav’n had left thee nothing but thy Beauty, that dear Reward of my industrious Love.Mir.I do confess—Geo.Till time had made me certain of a Fortune, which now was hasting on.—And is that store of Love and wondrous Joys I had been hoarding up so many tender Hours, all lavish’d on a Brute, who never lusted ’bove my Lady’s Woman? for Love he understands no more than Sense.Mir.Prithee reproach me on—Sighs.Geo.’Sdeath, I cou’d rave! Is this soft tender Bosom to be prest by such a Load of Fool? Damnation on thee—Where got’st thou this coarse Appetite? Take back the Powers, those Charms she’s sworn adorn’d me, since a dull, fat-fac’d, noisy, taudry Blockhead, can serve her turn as well.Offers to go.Mir.You shall not go away with that Opinion of me.—Geo.Oh, that false Tongue can now no more deceive—Art thou not marry’d? Tell me that, false Charmer.Mir.Yes.—Holding him.Geo.Curse on that word: wou’d thou hadst never learnt it—it gave thy Heart, and my Repose away.Mir.Dost think I marry’d with that dull design? Canst thou believe I gave my Heart away, because I gave my Hand?—Fond Ceremony that—A necessary trick, devis’dby wary Age, to traffick ’twixt a Portion and a Jointure; him whom I lov’d, is marry’d to my Soul.Geo.Art thou then mine? And wilt thou make Atonement, by such a charming way?—Come to my clasping Arms.Enter LadyBlunderat the Door. Sees ’em, and offers to go out again.L. Blun.Oh, Heavens! How rude am I?—Cry Mercy, Madam, I protest I thought you’d been alone.Geo.’Sdeath! my AuntBlunder!Aside.Mir.Only this Gentleman, Madam—L. Blun.Sir, I beg your Pardon—and am really sorry—Geo.That you find me with your Daughter, Madam.L. Blun.I hope you take me to be better bred, Sir: Nor had I interrupted you, but for an Accident that has happen’d to SirMorgan, coming out of the City in a beastlyHackney-Coach, he was turn’d over inCheap-side, and striking the filthy Coach-man, the nasty Mob came out, and had almost kill’d him, but for a young Gentleman, a Stranger, that came to his Rescue, and whom he has brought to kiss your Ladyship’s Hands—But I’ll instruct him in his Duty, he shall wait till your Ladyship is more at leisure—alas! he’s already on the Stairs.Exit.Mir.Let him wait there—Lejere, ’tis necessary you depart, sure of my Heart, you cannot fear the rest; the Night is hasting on; trust me but some few Hours, and then,Lejere, I’ll pay you back with Interest.Geo.All Blessings light on thee. But will your Lady Mother make no Discovery of my being here?Mir.She’d soonerpimpfor me, and believe it a part of good Breeding:—away, I hear ’em coming.She puts him out at a back-Door.Enter LadyBlunderpeeping.L. Blun.He’s gone—SirMorgan, you may approach.Enter SirMorgan, pulling in thePrince, SirMerlin, and aPageto thePrince.Sir Morg.Nay, as Gat shall save me, Sir, you shall see my Lady, or so, d’ye see, and receive the Thanks of the House.Prince.As Gat shall save me, Sir, I am sorry for it—another time, Sir: I have earnest business. Now, I am sure nothing worth seeing can belong to this litter of Fools.L. Blun.My Daughter is a Person of Quality, I assure you, Sir.Prince.I doubt it not, Madam—If she be of the same Piece—Send me a fair Deliverance.SirMorganleads him toMirtilla, he starts.—Ha! What bright Vision’s that?Mir.Heav’n! ’Tis the lovely Prince I saw inFlanders.Aside.Sir Mer.Look how he stares—why, what the Devil ails he?Sir Morg.To her, Sir, or so, d’ye see, what a Pox, are you afraid of her?L. Blun.He’s in Admiration of her Beauty, Child.Prince.By Heav’n, the very Woman I adore!Aside.Sir Morg.How d’ye, see, Sir, how do ye, ha, ha, ha?Prince.I cannot be mistaken; for Heav’n made nothing but young Angels like her!Sir Morg.Look ye, Page, is your Master in his right Wits?Sir Mer.Sure he’s in love, and Love’s a devilish thing.Sir Morg.Sa, ho, ho, ho, where are you, Sir, where are you?Prince.In Heav’n!Puts him away.Oh! do not rouse me from this charming Slumber, lest I shou’d wake, and find it but a Dream.Sir Mer.A plaguy dull Fellow this, that can sleep in so good Company as we are.Sir Morg.Dream—A Fiddle-stick; to her, Man, to her, and kiss her soundly, or so, d’ye see.Sir Mer.Ay, ay; kiss her, Sir, kiss her—ha, ha, ha, he’s very simple.Prince.Kiss her,—there’s universal Ruin in her Lips.Mir.I never knew ’em guilty of such Mischiefs.Sir Morg.No, I’ll be sworn, I have kist ’em twenty times, andtheynever did me harm.Prince.Thou kiss those Lips? impossible, and false; they ne’er were prest but by softSouthernWinds.Sir Morg.SouthernWinds—ha, ha, lookye, d’ye see, Boy, thy Master’s mad, or so, d’ye see—why, what a Pox, d’ye think I never kiss my Wife, or so, d’ye see.Prince.Thy Wife!—Mir.He will betray his Passion to these Fools: Alas, he’s mad—and will undo my Hopes.Aside.Prince.Thou mayst as well claim Kindred to the Gods; she’s mine, a Kingdom shall not buy her from me.Sir Morg.Hay day, my Wife yours! look ye, as d’ye see, what, is itMidsummer-moonwith you, Sir, or so, d’ye see?Mir.In pity give him way, he’s madder than a Storm.Prince.Thou know’st thou art, and thy dear Eyes confess it—a numerous Train attended our Nuptials, witness the Priest, witness the sacred Altar where we kneel’d—when the blest silent Ceremony was perform’d.Mir.Alas! he’s mad, past all recovery mad.Sir Mer.Mad, say, poor Soul—Friend, how long has your Master been thus intoxicated?Page.He’s mad indeed to make this Discovery.Aside.Alas, Sir, he’s thus as often as he sees a beautiful Lady, since he lost a Mistress, who dy’d inFlandersto whom he was contracted.Sir Mer.Good lack—ay, ay, he’s distracted, it seems.Page.See how he kneels to her! stand off, and do but mind him.Mir.Rise, Sir,—you’l ruin me—dissemble if you love—or you can ne’er be happy.In a low Voice, and raising him.Prince.My Transport is too high for a Disguise—give me some hope, promise me some Relief, or at your Feet I’ll pierce a wounded Heart.Mir.Rise, and hope for all you wish: Alas, he faints—She takes him up, he falls upon her Bosom.Page.Hold him fast, Madam, between your Arms, and he’ll recover presently. Stand all away.—Prince.Oh! tell me, wilt thou bless my Youth and Love? Oh! swear, lest thou shouldst break—for Women wou’d be Gods, but for Inconstancy.Page.See, he begins to come to himself again—keep off—Mir.You have a thousand Charms that may secure you—The Ceremony of my Nuptials is every Evening celebrated, the noise of which draws all the Town together; be here in Masquerade, and I’ll contrive it so, that you shall speak with me this Night alone.Prince.So, now let my Soul take Air—L. Blun.What pity ’tis so fine a Gentleman shou’d be thus.Mir.You must be bringing home your Fops to me, and see what comes of it.As she passes out.Sir Morg.Fops! I thought him no more a Fop, than I do my own natural Cousin here.Ex.Mir.in Scorn.Prince.Where am I?ThePagehas whispered him.Sir Mer.Why, here, Sir, here, atSirMorgan Blunder’sLodging inLincolns-Inn-Fields.Prince.That’s well, he has told me—Where have I been this long half hour, and more?Sir Mer.Nay, the Lord knows.Prince.I fancy’d I saw a lovely Woman.Sir Mer.Fancy’d—why, so you did, Man, my LadyMirtilla Blunder.Prince.Methought I slept upon her snowy Bosom, and dreamt I was in Heaven, where I claim’d her.Sir Mer.Good lack aday—why, so you did, Sir, ha, ha, ha.Prince.And rav’d on Love; and talk’d abundance of Nonsense.Sir Morg.Ha, ha, ha, by my Troth, and so you did, Sir.Prince.I ask your Pardon, Sir, ’tis an infirmity I have that ever takes me at the approach of a fine Woman, which made me so unwilling to see your Lady.Sir Morg.Lookye, I ask your Pardon heartily, or so, d’ye see—and am sorry you are not in a Condition to visit her often.Prince.I shall be better when I am us’d to her; ’tis the first time only affects me.Sir Morg.Pray, Sir, be pleas’d to use your self to her, or so, d’ye see—she’s a civil Person, and a Person of Quality before I marry’d her, d’ye see.L. Blun.My Son tells you Truth, Sir.Prince.Madam, I doubt it not, pray beg her Pardon, and do you give me yours.Bows and kisses her Hand and goes out.L. Blun.A most accomplish’d Person—Exeunt.Scene III.Another Chamber.EnterOliviaandTeresia, in Mens Clothes.Oliv.Well, the Ball does not begin these three Hours, and we’ll divert our selves at my Aunt’s Basset-Table, which you see is preparing; her natural Propensity to oblige both Sexes makes her keep a Bank on purpose to bring ’em together. There we shall see the old and the young, the ugly and the handsome, Fools that have Money, and Wits that have none; and if the Table affords nothing to please the Appetite, we’ll abroad for Forage.Enter SirMerlinpulling inGeorge, follow’d by SirMorgan, Page and Footmen toGeorge.Sir Mer.Nay, Sir, I am resolv’d you shall honour my Aunt’s Basset-Table—Geo.My Aunt’s Basset-Table? There may be Money stirring among these Fools, and Fortune may befriend me.Aside.Sir Mer.SirMorgan, pray know this worthy Gentleman, I have the honour to lodge in the House with him.They salute oneanother.Sir, this is SirMorgan Blunder, a Person of Quality inWales, I assure you.Geo.I question it not, Sir, and am proud of the Honour of kissing your Hands.Ter.Yonder’s a handsom Gentleman.Oliv.My BrotherGeorge, as I live, ’tis as I cou’d wish.Aside.EnterWelborn.Wel.Lejere!Geo.Welborn!Welcome fromParis, I heard of your arrival from PrinceFrederick.Wel.Yes, I am come to my Destruction, Friend.Geo.Ay, thou’rt to be marry’d, I hear, to aWelchFortune.Wel.Though Matrimony be a sufficient Curse, yet that’s not the worst—I am fall’n most damnably in love, since I arriv’d, with a young Creature I saw in theMallt’other Night; of Quality she was, I dare swear, by all that was about her; but such a Shape! a Face! a Wit! a Mind, as in a moment quite subdu’d my Heart: she had another Lady with her, whom (dogging her Coach) I found to be a Neighbour of mine, and Grand-Daughter to the LadyYouthly; but who my Conqueror was I never since could learn.Oliv.’Slife,Teresia, yonder’s the handsom Fellow that entertain’d us with so much Wit, onThursdaylast in theMall.Ter.What, when you chang’d your Breeches for Petticoats at my Lodgings.Oliv.That Night, and ever since, I have felt a sort ofa Tendrefor him.Ter.As I do for his Friend—Pray Heav’n he be not marry’d! I fear he has laid an Imbargo on my Heart, before it puts out of the Port.Geo.Are you not for the Basset?Wel.No, I’ve business at the Ball to night; besides, my LadyBlunderhas a Quarrel to me for last Night’s Debauch; I’ll wait on you in the Morning.ExitWelborn.Geo.Well, you to your Business, and I to mine.Speaks as the rest go out.Let the dull trading Fool by Business live,Statesmen by Plots; the Courtier cringe to thrive;The Fop of Noise and Wealth be cullied on,And purchase no one Joy by being undone,Whilst I by nobler careless ways advance,Since Love and Fortune are acquir’d by Chance.Exeunt Omnes.The End of the Second Act.A Song, sung by SirRowlandin the second Act.ToTERESIA.Though the Young prizeCupid’sFire,’Tis more valu’d by the Old;The Sun’s Warmth we now admire,More than when the Season’s cold.Dialogues in the Masque, at the beginning of the third Act.He.Time and Place you see conspire,With tender Wishes, fierce Desire;See the willing Victim standsTo be offer’d by your Hands:Ah! Let me on Love’s Altars lying,Clasp my Goddess whilst I’m dying.She.Oh Lord! what hard words, and strange things d’ye say;Your Eyestooseem closing, and just dying away:Ah! pray what d’ye want? Explain but your mind,Which did I but know, perhaps I’d be kind.He.My pretty soft Maid, full of innocent Charms,I languish to sigh out my Soul in thy Arms;Oh! then, if I’m lov’d, deny not the Bliss,But tell me I’m happy, with a ravishing Kiss.She.Oh! Fy, Sir, I vow I cannot endure you;Be civil, or else I’ll cry out I assure you;I will not be kiss’d so, nor tumbled, not I,I’ll tell all your tricks, that I will, if I die.He.Nay, never dissemble, nor smother that Fire;Your Blushes, and Eyes betray your Desire.The Practis’d, not Innocent, dally with Bliss,Then prithee be kind, and taste what it is.She.Let me die now, you’re grown a strange sort of a Man,To force a young Maid, let her do what she can;I fear now I blush to think what we’re doing,And is this the end of all you Men’s wooing?He.At this Pleasure all aim, both Godly and Sinners,And none of ’em blush for’t but poor young Beginners.In Pleasure both Sexes, all Ages agree,And those that take most, most happy will be.Chorus. In Pleasure both Sexes, &c.ACT III.Scene I.A rich Chamber.EnterOliviaas a Man,Teresiain Masquerade; the Scene opens, and discovers LadyYouthly, LadyBlunder,Mirtilla,Manage, PrinceFrederickin a rich Habi,Welbornin one like his, with a Cloke over him, stands aside, and several others of both Sexes.Oliv.Oh, my dearTeresia, I’m lost in Love! I’ve seen a Man,—or rather ’tis an Angel! so gay, so soft, so charming, and so witty; so dress’d! so shap’d! and danc’d with such an Air!Ter.Hey day! Prithee where’s this Wonder to be seen?Oliv.Why dost thou ask? Hast thou not seen a Man of Dress, and Movement of uncommon Fashion?Ter.A great many, very odd, and fantastick, I’m sure my dear Man is none of ’em.Sighs.Oliv.Thy Heart when fir’d burns easily, and soft, but I am all impatient, Darts, and Flames, and all the effects of Love are panting in my Heart, yet never saw his Face: but see, he comes, and I must find a way to let him know the mischiefs he has done.Mir.Endimion, where’s SirMorgan?Oliv.At his usual Diversion, Madam, drinking.Mir.Do you wait near me to Night, I may perhaps have kinder Business for you e’er the Morning.Oliv.You heap too many Blessings on me, Madam.Prince.Oh, turn thy lovely Eyes upon thy Slave, that waits and watches for a tender Look.Mir.Oh, Sir, why do you press a yielding Heart too much, undone by what you’ve said already?Oliv.Those soft Addresses must be those of Love.Aside.Mir.My Honour was in danger when I promis’d—and yet I blush to tell you I was pleas’d, and blest the dear necessity that forc’d me.Oliv.Ha! ’tis the Man I love—and courtsMirtilla, and she receives him with inviting Looks. ’Sdeath, she’s a common Lover! already I’m arriv’d to Jealousy!EnterGeorgein Masquerade, with a Paper on his Back and Breast, goes toMirtilla, sees one courting her.Geo.What gilded thing is that?—I must disturb ’em—’Tis I,Mirtilla, languishing for the appointed Happiness, while you, perhaps, are taken up with different Thoughts—Mir.Lejere!How very feeble do old Lovers charm! Only the new and gay have pow’r to warm—How shall I put him off? For now my ambitious Love declares forFrederick; ’tis great to enslave a Prince.Aside.—Lejere—wait till I give the word—perhaps it may be late—go mix your self i’th’ Crowd, you may be else suspected—Goes from him.Ter.I have a shreud guess that this should be my Man by his Shape, and Mein.Looking round aboutGeorge.Let me see—What’s this written on his Back?—To be lett ready furnish’d—Reading it.A very good hearing: So ho, ho, ho, who’s within here?Claps him on the Back.Geo.Who’s there?ExitOlivia.Ter.Love and Fortune.Geo.Two very good Friends of mine, prithee who art thou that bring’st ’em?Ter.A wandring Nymph, that has had a swinging Character of your Person and Parts—if thou be’st the Man, prithee, dear Stranger, let me see thy Face; and if I’m not mistaken, ’tis ten to one, but we may go near to strike up some odd Bargain or other.Geo.And I am as likely a Fellow for some odd Bargain or other, as ever you met with—Look ye, am I the Man?Ter.Let me see—a very handsome Face, inclining to round; fine wanton Eyes, with a plaguy Roguish Lear; plump, round, red Lips; not tall, nor low, and extremelywell fashion’d.Reads all this in her Tablets.—Ay, ay, you are the Man—Geo.I am glad on’t, and prithee, dear Creature, let me see if thou art not the Woman—Ter.Heav’n! what Woman, Sir?Geo.Why, any Woman that’s pretty, witty, young, and good-natur’d.Ter.I had rather shew anything almost than my Face.Geo.Faith, and that’s kind; but every thing in its due time: I love to arrive at Happiness by degrees, there’s as much Pleasure in the Journey of Love, as in the Arrival to’t, and the first Stage is a handsom Face.Ter.Where you bait a while, take a short Survey, and away.Geo.To Wit, and good Humour; where a Man finds Pleasure enough to engage him a long while.Ter.Then to all the small Villages, call’d little Freedoms, Kissing, Playing, Fooling, Sighing, Dying—and so on to the last Stage, where Whip and Spur laid by, all tir’d and dull, you lazily lie down and sleep.Geo.No, I’m a more vigorous Lover: And since inthe Country of True Lovethere remains aTerra Incognita, I shall always be making new Discoveries.Ter.True Love! is there such a thing in the whole Map of Nature?Geo.Yes, I once discover’d it in my Voyage round the World.Ter.Sure ’tis some enchanted Place, and vanishes as soon as ’tis approach’d.Enter SirRowland.Geo.Faith, let’s set out for it, and try; if we lose our Labour, we shall, like Searchers for the Philosophers Stone, find something that will recompense our pains.—LadyYouthlysees her, and sends her Woman to take her from him.Ha, gone—I must not part so with you—I’ll have you in my Eye.TheSpanishDance: Whilst they dance, thePrincetalks toMirtilla.Mir.This Night gives you an Assignation—I tremble at the thought—Ah, why will you pursue me thus to Ruin? Why with resistless Charms invade my Heart, that cannot stand their Force—alone—without my Woman?—the Enterprize with you would be too dangerous.Prince.Dangerous to be ador’d! and at your Feet behold your Slave making eternal Vows?Mir.If I were sure that you would pass no further—Prince.Let the fond God of Love be my Security—will you not trust a Deity?Mir.Whom should she trust, that dares not trust her self?Geo.That is some Lover, whom I must observe.Aside.Mir.Alas, the Foe’s within that will betray me, Ambition, and our Sex’s Vanity—Sir, you must prevail—Prince.And in return, for ever take my Soul.Mir.Anon I’ll feign an Illness, and retire to my Apartment, whither this faithful Friend shall bring you, Sir.Pointing toManage.Geo.Hum!—that looks like some Love Bargain, andManagecall’d to Witness. By Heav’n, gay Sir, I’ll watch you.Ter.But hark ye, my Fellow-Adventurer, are you not marry’d?Geo.Marry’d—that’s a Bug-word—prithee if thou hast any such Design, keep on thy Mask, lest I be tempted to Wickedness.Ter.Nay, truth is, ’tis a thousand pities to spoil a handsom man, to make a dull Husband of: I have known an old batter’d Bully of Seventy, unmarry’d, more agreeable for a Gallant, than any scurvy, out-of-humour’d Husband at Eight and Twenty.Geo.Gad, a thousand times.Ter.Know, I have Five Hundred Pounds a Year.Geo.Good.Ter.And the Devil and all ofExpectationsfrom an old Woman.Geo.Very good.Ter.And this Youth, and little Beauty to lay out in love.Pulls off her Mask.Geo.Teresia!the lovely Maid design’d for my Mother! now, what a Dog am I? that gives me the greater Gust to her, and wou’d fain cuckold my Father.Talks to her aside.Mirtillaseems to faint.Man.My Lady faints—help, help.Mir.Only the Heat oppresses me—but let it not disturb the Company, I’ll take the Air a little, and return.Goes out withManage.Geo.Is this design’d or real?—perhaps she is retir’d for me—Mrs.Manage.—Managere-enters, he pulls her by the Sleeve.Man.Hah! MonsieurLejere! what shall I feign to put him off withal.Aside.Geo.Why dost thou start? How does my dearMirtilla?Man.Reposing, Sir, awhile, but anon I’ll wait on her for your admittance.PrinceFrederickputs onWelborn’sCloke, goes out, andWelbornenters into the Company dress’d like thePrince.Geo.Ha, she spoke in passing by that gay thing—What means it, but I’ll trace the Mystery.Sir Row.The young People are lazy, and here’s nothing but gaping and peeping in one another’s Vizards; come, Madam, let you and I shame ’em into Action.SirRowlandand LadyYouthlydance. After the Dance,Oliviaenterswith a Letter, and gives it toWelborn.Wel.Ha! what’s this, Sir, a Challenge?Oliv.A soft one, Sir.Wel.A Billet—whoever the Lady be,Reads.She merits something for but believing I am worth her Mirth.Oliv.I know not, Sir, how great a Jest you may make of it; but I assure you the Lady is in earnest, and if you be at leisure to hear Reason from her—Wel.Fair and softly, my dear Love-Messenger, I am for no hasty Bargains; not but I shou’d be glad to hear Reason from any of the Sex—But I have been so damnably jilted—Is she of Quality?Oliv.Yes.Wel.Then I’ll not hear any thing from her: they are troublesome, and insolent; and if she have a Husband, to hide her Intrigues she has recourse to all the little Arts and Cunnings of her Sex; and she that jilts her Husband, will her Lover.Oliv.She is not troubled with a Husband, Sir.Wel.What, she’s parted from the Fool! then she’s expensive, and for want of Alimony, jilts all the believing Block-heads that she meets with.Oliv.But this is a Maid, Sir.Wel.Worse still! At every turn she’s raving on her Honour; then if she have a Kinsman, or a Brother, I must be challeng’d.Oliv.Sir, you mistake, my Lady is for Matrimony.Wel.How!Oliv.You have not forsworn it, I hope.Wel.Not so—but—Oliv.If a Lady, young and handsom, and Ten Thousand Pounds—Wel.Nay, I am not positive—Enter SirMorgan, and SirMerlin, drunk, singing.
On this hand Wealth, on that young Pleasures lie;He ne’er wants these, who has that kind Supply.
On this hand Wealth, on that young Pleasures lie;
He ne’er wants these, who has that kind Supply.
Exeunt.
Enter SirRowland,Teresia, and LadyYouthly, &c.
L. Youth.Well, SirRowland, if I should be inclin’d to cast away my self on your SonGeorge, what wou’d you settle?
Sir Row.Settle! not a Souse, Madam; he carries the best younger Brother’s Fortune inChristendomabout him.
L. Youth.Why, the young Man’s deserving, I confess. But he’s your Son, SirRowland, and something ought to be settled upon the Heirs of our Bodies, lawfully begotten.
Sir Row.AllHerculeshis Labours were a Jig to his that shall beget ’em.Aside.
If you like him upon these terms, to make him Master of your Fortune—
L. Youth.For that, let him trust to me, and his own deservings.
Sir Row.No trusting in these fickle Times, Madam—Why, I’ll let the young sturdy Rogue out to hire; he’ll make a pretty Livelihood at Journey-Work; and shall a Master-Workman, a Husband, deserve nothing?
L. Youth.Ay, these Husbands that know their own Strength, as they say, set so high a value on their conjugal Virtues. And if he be disloyal, again o’t’other side he gives a Wife so ill an Example—for we are all liable to Temptations.
Sir Row.Well said; if thou beest so, it must be the old Tempter himself.Aside.
Look ye, Madam, I’ll propose a fair Swap; if you’ll consent that I shall marryTeresia, I’ll consent that you shall marryGeorge.
L. Youth.How, my Grand-daughter? Why, I design’d her for your eldest Son, SirMerlin; and she has a good Fortune of five hundred a year that I cannot hinder her of; and is too young for you.
Sir Row.So isGeorgefor your Ladyship; and as for his Fortune, ’tis more than likely I shall make him my eldest Son.
L. Youth.Say you so, Sir, well, I’ll consider, and take Advice of my Friends.
Sir Row.Consider! alas, Madam, my House will be besieged by all the Widows in Town; I shall get more by shewing him, than theRhinoceros. Gad, I’ll sell the young Rogueby Inch of Candle, before he’s debauch’d and spoil’d in this leud Town.
L. Youth.Well, suppose—
Sir Row.Nothing underTeresia—Gad, I think some old Dog-Star reigns to Day, that so many oldHeartsare burning in their Sockets—I’m in love with this young Tittymouse here, most damnably—Well, what say you, Widow? Speak now, or you know the Proverb.
L. Youth.Well, SirRowland, you are too hard for me.
Ex. all butTeresia.
EnterOlivia, runs to her and embraces her.
Ter.’Tis as you said,Olivia, I am destin’d to your Father.
Oliv.What, the Sentence is past then?
Ter.Ay, but the Devil is in us, if we stay till Execution Day: Why, this is worse than being mew’d up atHackney-School—my Fortune’s my own, without my Grandmother, and with that Stock I’ll set up for my self, and see what Traffick this wide World affords a young beginner.
Oliv.That’s well resolv’d; I am of the same mind, rather than marry Mr.Welborn, whom I never saw.—But prithee let’s see what we have in Stock, besides ready Money—What Toys and Knick-nacks to invite.
Ter.Faith, my Inventory is but small—Let me see—First, one pretty well made Machine, call’d a Body, of a very good Motion, fit for several uses—one pretty conceitedHead-Piece, that will fit any body’s Coxcomb,—when ’tis grave and dull, ’twill fit an Alderman; when politick and busy, a Statesman; turn it to Intrigue,’twillfit a City Wife; and to Invention, it will set up an Evidence.
Oliv.Very well!
Ter.Item, One Tongue, that will prattle Love, if you put the Heart in time (for they are Commodities I resolve shall go together) I have Youth enough to please a Lover, and Wit enough to please my self.
Oliv.Most excellent Trifles all! As for my out-side, I leave to the Discretion of the Chafferer; but I have a rare Device, call’d an Invention, that can do many Feats; a Courage that wou’d stock a Coward; and a pretty Implement, call’d a Heart, that will strike fire with any convenient force: I have eight thousand Pounds to let out on any able Security, but not a Groat unless I like the Man.
Ter.Thus furnish’d, we shall ruin all theJews, and undo theIndiaHouses—But where shall we show? where meet with the Love-Merchants?
Oliv.What think you of the Gallery at the Play in Masks?
Ter.Shu, a State-Trick, first taken up by Women of Quality, and now run into Ridicule, by all the little common Devils of the Town; and is only a Trap for aTermer, a small new rais’d Officer, or a City Cully, where they baul out their eighteen Pence in Baudy, and filthy Nonsense, to the disturbance of the whole House, and the King’s Peace: the Men of Quality have forsaken it.
Oliv.What think you of theMall?
Ter.As too publick to end an Intrigue; our Affairs require a Conquest as sudden as that ofCæsar, who came, saw and overcame.
Oliv.’Tis true, besides there’s so many Cruisers, we shall never board a Prize. What think you of the Church?
Ter.An hypocritical Shift; of all Masks I hate thatof Religion; and it shou’d be the last place I’d wish to meet a Lover in, unless to marry him.
Oliv.And, Faith, that’s the last thing a Lover shou’d do, but we are compell’d to haste, ’tis our last Refuge; if we cou’d but see and like our Men, the business were soon dispatcht.—Let me see—Faith, e’en put on Breeches too, and thus disguis’d seek our Fortune—I am within these three days to be fetch’d fromHackney School, where my Father believes me still to be, and thou in that time to be marry’d to the old Gentleman; Faith, resolve—and let’s in and dress thee—away, here’s my Lady—
They run out.
EnterMirtillaand Mrs.Manage.
Mir.Ah, let me have that Song again.
No,Delia, no: What Man can rangeFrom such Seraphic Pleasure?’Tis want of Charms that make us change,To grasp the Fury, Treasure.What Man of Sense wou’d quit a certain Bliss,For Hopes and empty Possibilities?
No,Delia, no: What Man can range
From such Seraphic Pleasure?
’Tis want of Charms that make us change,
To grasp the Fury, Treasure.
What Man of Sense wou’d quit a certain Bliss,
For Hopes and empty Possibilities?
Vain Fools! that sure Possessions spend,In hopes of Chymic Treasure,But for their fancy’d Riches findBoth want of Gold and Pleasure.Rich in my Delia, I can wish no more;The Wanderer, like the Chymist, must be poor.
Vain Fools! that sure Possessions spend,
In hopes of Chymic Treasure,
But for their fancy’d Riches find
Both want of Gold and Pleasure.
Rich in my Delia, I can wish no more;
The Wanderer, like the Chymist, must be poor.
Man.Not see him, Madam—I protest he’s handsomer, and handsomer,Parishas given him such an Air:—Lord,he’s all over Monsieur—Not see him, Madam—Why? I hope you do not, like the foolish sort of Wives, design a strict Obedience to your Husband.
Mir.Away, a Husband!—when Absence, that sure Remedy of Love, had heal’d the bleeding WoundLejerehad made, by Heaven, I thought I ne’er shou’d love again—but sinceEndymionhas inspir’d my Soul, and for that Youth I burn, I pine, I languish.
EnterGeorgerichly drest, stands at a distance gazing onMirtilla.
Man.See, Madam, there’s an Object may put out that Flame, and may revive the old one.
Mir.Shame and Confusion.—Lejere.Turns and walks away.
Geo.Yonder she is, that Mien and Shape I know, though the false Face be turn’d with shame away.Offers to advance, and stops.
—’Sdeath,—I tremble! yet came well fortify’d with Pride and Anger. I see thou’st in thy Eyes a little Modesty.Goes to her nearer.
That wou’d conceal the Treasons of thy Heart.
Mir.Perhaps it is their Scorn that you mistake.
Geo.It may be so; she that sets up for Jilting, shou’d go on; ’Twere mean to find remorse, so young, and soon: Oh, this gay Town has gloriously improv’d you amongst the rest; that taught you Perjury.
Mir.Alas! when was it sworn?
Geo.In the blest Age of Love, When every Power look’d down, and heard thy Vows.
Mir.I was a Lover then; shou’d Heaven concern it self with Lovers Perjuries, ’twould find no leisure to preserve the Universe.
Geo.And was the Woman so strong in thee, thou couldst not wait a little? Were you so raving mad for Fool and Husband, you must take up with the next readyCoxcomb. Death, and the Devil, a dull clumsey Boor!—What was it charm’d you? The beastly quantity of Man about him?
Mir.Faith, a much better thing, five thousand Pounds a Year, his Coach and Six, it shews well in thePark.
Geo.Did I want Coach, or Equipage, and Shew?
Mir.But still there wanted Fool, and Fortune to’t; He does not play at the Groom-Porter’s for it; nor do the Drudgery of some worn-out Lady.
Geo.If I did this, thou hadst the spoils of all my Nation’s Conquests, while all the whole World was wondering whence it came; for Heav’n had left thee nothing but thy Beauty, that dear Reward of my industrious Love.
Mir.I do confess—
Geo.Till time had made me certain of a Fortune, which now was hasting on.—
And is that store of Love and wondrous Joys I had been hoarding up so many tender Hours, all lavish’d on a Brute, who never lusted ’bove my Lady’s Woman? for Love he understands no more than Sense.
Mir.Prithee reproach me on—Sighs.
Geo.’Sdeath, I cou’d rave! Is this soft tender Bosom to be prest by such a Load of Fool? Damnation on thee—Where got’st thou this coarse Appetite? Take back the Powers, those Charms she’s sworn adorn’d me, since a dull, fat-fac’d, noisy, taudry Blockhead, can serve her turn as well.Offers to go.
Mir.You shall not go away with that Opinion of me.—
Geo.Oh, that false Tongue can now no more deceive—Art thou not marry’d? Tell me that, false Charmer.
Mir.Yes.—Holding him.
Geo.Curse on that word: wou’d thou hadst never learnt it—it gave thy Heart, and my Repose away.
Mir.Dost think I marry’d with that dull design? Canst thou believe I gave my Heart away, because I gave my Hand?—Fond Ceremony that—A necessary trick, devis’dby wary Age, to traffick ’twixt a Portion and a Jointure; him whom I lov’d, is marry’d to my Soul.
Geo.Art thou then mine? And wilt thou make Atonement, by such a charming way?—Come to my clasping Arms.
Enter LadyBlunderat the Door. Sees ’em, and offers to go out again.
L. Blun.Oh, Heavens! How rude am I?—Cry Mercy, Madam, I protest I thought you’d been alone.
Geo.’Sdeath! my AuntBlunder!Aside.
Mir.Only this Gentleman, Madam—
L. Blun.Sir, I beg your Pardon—and am really sorry—
Geo.That you find me with your Daughter, Madam.
L. Blun.I hope you take me to be better bred, Sir: Nor had I interrupted you, but for an Accident that has happen’d to SirMorgan, coming out of the City in a beastlyHackney-Coach, he was turn’d over inCheap-side, and striking the filthy Coach-man, the nasty Mob came out, and had almost kill’d him, but for a young Gentleman, a Stranger, that came to his Rescue, and whom he has brought to kiss your Ladyship’s Hands—But I’ll instruct him in his Duty, he shall wait till your Ladyship is more at leisure—alas! he’s already on the Stairs.Exit.
Mir.Let him wait there—Lejere, ’tis necessary you depart, sure of my Heart, you cannot fear the rest; the Night is hasting on; trust me but some few Hours, and then,Lejere, I’ll pay you back with Interest.
Geo.All Blessings light on thee. But will your Lady Mother make no Discovery of my being here?
Mir.She’d soonerpimpfor me, and believe it a part of good Breeding:—away, I hear ’em coming.She puts him out at a back-Door.
Enter LadyBlunderpeeping.
L. Blun.He’s gone—SirMorgan, you may approach.
Enter SirMorgan, pulling in thePrince, SirMerlin, and aPageto thePrince.
Sir Morg.Nay, as Gat shall save me, Sir, you shall see my Lady, or so, d’ye see, and receive the Thanks of the House.
Prince.As Gat shall save me, Sir, I am sorry for it—another time, Sir: I have earnest business. Now, I am sure nothing worth seeing can belong to this litter of Fools.
L. Blun.My Daughter is a Person of Quality, I assure you, Sir.
Prince.I doubt it not, Madam—If she be of the same Piece—Send me a fair Deliverance.SirMorganleads him toMirtilla, he starts.
—Ha! What bright Vision’s that?
Mir.Heav’n! ’Tis the lovely Prince I saw inFlanders.Aside.
Sir Mer.Look how he stares—why, what the Devil ails he?
Sir Morg.To her, Sir, or so, d’ye see, what a Pox, are you afraid of her?
L. Blun.He’s in Admiration of her Beauty, Child.
Prince.By Heav’n, the very Woman I adore!Aside.
Sir Morg.How d’ye, see, Sir, how do ye, ha, ha, ha?
Prince.I cannot be mistaken; for Heav’n made nothing but young Angels like her!
Sir Morg.Look ye, Page, is your Master in his right Wits?
Sir Mer.Sure he’s in love, and Love’s a devilish thing.
Sir Morg.Sa, ho, ho, ho, where are you, Sir, where are you?
Prince.In Heav’n!Puts him away.
Oh! do not rouse me from this charming Slumber, lest I shou’d wake, and find it but a Dream.
Sir Mer.A plaguy dull Fellow this, that can sleep in so good Company as we are.
Sir Morg.Dream—A Fiddle-stick; to her, Man, to her, and kiss her soundly, or so, d’ye see.
Sir Mer.Ay, ay; kiss her, Sir, kiss her—ha, ha, ha, he’s very simple.
Prince.Kiss her,—there’s universal Ruin in her Lips.
Mir.I never knew ’em guilty of such Mischiefs.
Sir Morg.No, I’ll be sworn, I have kist ’em twenty times, andtheynever did me harm.
Prince.Thou kiss those Lips? impossible, and false; they ne’er were prest but by softSouthernWinds.
Sir Morg.SouthernWinds—ha, ha, lookye, d’ye see, Boy, thy Master’s mad, or so, d’ye see—why, what a Pox, d’ye think I never kiss my Wife, or so, d’ye see.
Prince.Thy Wife!—
Mir.He will betray his Passion to these Fools: Alas, he’s mad—and will undo my Hopes.Aside.
Prince.Thou mayst as well claim Kindred to the Gods; she’s mine, a Kingdom shall not buy her from me.
Sir Morg.Hay day, my Wife yours! look ye, as d’ye see, what, is itMidsummer-moonwith you, Sir, or so, d’ye see?
Mir.In pity give him way, he’s madder than a Storm.
Prince.Thou know’st thou art, and thy dear Eyes confess it—a numerous Train attended our Nuptials, witness the Priest, witness the sacred Altar where we kneel’d—when the blest silent Ceremony was perform’d.
Mir.Alas! he’s mad, past all recovery mad.
Sir Mer.Mad, say, poor Soul—Friend, how long has your Master been thus intoxicated?
Page.He’s mad indeed to make this Discovery.Aside.
Alas, Sir, he’s thus as often as he sees a beautiful Lady, since he lost a Mistress, who dy’d inFlandersto whom he was contracted.
Sir Mer.Good lack—ay, ay, he’s distracted, it seems.
Page.See how he kneels to her! stand off, and do but mind him.
Mir.Rise, Sir,—you’l ruin me—dissemble if you love—or you can ne’er be happy.In a low Voice, and raising him.
Prince.My Transport is too high for a Disguise—give me some hope, promise me some Relief, or at your Feet I’ll pierce a wounded Heart.
Mir.Rise, and hope for all you wish: Alas, he faints—She takes him up, he falls upon her Bosom.
Page.Hold him fast, Madam, between your Arms, and he’ll recover presently. Stand all away.—
Prince.Oh! tell me, wilt thou bless my Youth and Love? Oh! swear, lest thou shouldst break—for Women wou’d be Gods, but for Inconstancy.
Page.See, he begins to come to himself again—keep off—
Mir.You have a thousand Charms that may secure you—The Ceremony of my Nuptials is every Evening celebrated, the noise of which draws all the Town together; be here in Masquerade, and I’ll contrive it so, that you shall speak with me this Night alone.
Prince.So, now let my Soul take Air—
L. Blun.What pity ’tis so fine a Gentleman shou’d be thus.
Mir.You must be bringing home your Fops to me, and see what comes of it.As she passes out.
Sir Morg.Fops! I thought him no more a Fop, than I do my own natural Cousin here.Ex.Mir.in Scorn.
Prince.Where am I?ThePagehas whispered him.
Sir Mer.Why, here, Sir, here, atSirMorgan Blunder’sLodging inLincolns-Inn-Fields.
Prince.That’s well, he has told me—Where have I been this long half hour, and more?
Sir Mer.Nay, the Lord knows.
Prince.I fancy’d I saw a lovely Woman.
Sir Mer.Fancy’d—why, so you did, Man, my LadyMirtilla Blunder.
Prince.Methought I slept upon her snowy Bosom, and dreamt I was in Heaven, where I claim’d her.
Sir Mer.Good lack aday—why, so you did, Sir, ha, ha, ha.
Prince.And rav’d on Love; and talk’d abundance of Nonsense.
Sir Morg.Ha, ha, ha, by my Troth, and so you did, Sir.
Prince.I ask your Pardon, Sir, ’tis an infirmity I have that ever takes me at the approach of a fine Woman, which made me so unwilling to see your Lady.
Sir Morg.Lookye, I ask your Pardon heartily, or so, d’ye see—and am sorry you are not in a Condition to visit her often.
Prince.I shall be better when I am us’d to her; ’tis the first time only affects me.
Sir Morg.Pray, Sir, be pleas’d to use your self to her, or so, d’ye see—she’s a civil Person, and a Person of Quality before I marry’d her, d’ye see.
L. Blun.My Son tells you Truth, Sir.
Prince.Madam, I doubt it not, pray beg her Pardon, and do you give me yours.Bows and kisses her Hand and goes out.
L. Blun.A most accomplish’d Person—
Exeunt.
EnterOliviaandTeresia, in Mens Clothes.
Oliv.Well, the Ball does not begin these three Hours, and we’ll divert our selves at my Aunt’s Basset-Table, which you see is preparing; her natural Propensity to oblige both Sexes makes her keep a Bank on purpose to bring ’em together. There we shall see the old and the young, the ugly and the handsome, Fools that have Money, and Wits that have none; and if the Table affords nothing to please the Appetite, we’ll abroad for Forage.
Enter SirMerlinpulling inGeorge, follow’d by SirMorgan, Page and Footmen toGeorge.
Sir Mer.Nay, Sir, I am resolv’d you shall honour my Aunt’s Basset-Table—
Geo.My Aunt’s Basset-Table? There may be Money stirring among these Fools, and Fortune may befriend me.Aside.
Sir Mer.SirMorgan, pray know this worthy Gentleman, I have the honour to lodge in the House with him.They salute oneanother.
Sir, this is SirMorgan Blunder, a Person of Quality inWales, I assure you.
Geo.I question it not, Sir, and am proud of the Honour of kissing your Hands.
Ter.Yonder’s a handsom Gentleman.
Oliv.My BrotherGeorge, as I live, ’tis as I cou’d wish.Aside.
EnterWelborn.
Wel.Lejere!
Geo.Welborn!Welcome fromParis, I heard of your arrival from PrinceFrederick.
Wel.Yes, I am come to my Destruction, Friend.
Geo.Ay, thou’rt to be marry’d, I hear, to aWelchFortune.
Wel.Though Matrimony be a sufficient Curse, yet that’s not the worst—I am fall’n most damnably in love, since I arriv’d, with a young Creature I saw in theMallt’other Night; of Quality she was, I dare swear, by all that was about her; but such a Shape! a Face! a Wit! a Mind, as in a moment quite subdu’d my Heart: she had another Lady with her, whom (dogging her Coach) I found to be a Neighbour of mine, and Grand-Daughter to the LadyYouthly; but who my Conqueror was I never since could learn.
Oliv.’Slife,Teresia, yonder’s the handsom Fellow that entertain’d us with so much Wit, onThursdaylast in theMall.
Ter.What, when you chang’d your Breeches for Petticoats at my Lodgings.
Oliv.That Night, and ever since, I have felt a sort ofa Tendrefor him.
Ter.As I do for his Friend—Pray Heav’n he be not marry’d! I fear he has laid an Imbargo on my Heart, before it puts out of the Port.
Geo.Are you not for the Basset?
Wel.No, I’ve business at the Ball to night; besides, my LadyBlunderhas a Quarrel to me for last Night’s Debauch; I’ll wait on you in the Morning.ExitWelborn.
Geo.Well, you to your Business, and I to mine.Speaks as the rest go out.
Let the dull trading Fool by Business live,Statesmen by Plots; the Courtier cringe to thrive;The Fop of Noise and Wealth be cullied on,And purchase no one Joy by being undone,Whilst I by nobler careless ways advance,Since Love and Fortune are acquir’d by Chance.
Let the dull trading Fool by Business live,
Statesmen by Plots; the Courtier cringe to thrive;
The Fop of Noise and Wealth be cullied on,
And purchase no one Joy by being undone,
Whilst I by nobler careless ways advance,
Since Love and Fortune are acquir’d by Chance.
Exeunt Omnes.
The End of the Second Act.
Though the Young prizeCupid’sFire,’Tis more valu’d by the Old;The Sun’s Warmth we now admire,More than when the Season’s cold.
Though the Young prizeCupid’sFire,
’Tis more valu’d by the Old;
The Sun’s Warmth we now admire,
More than when the Season’s cold.
Dialogues in the Masque, at the beginning of the third Act.
He.Time and Place you see conspire,With tender Wishes, fierce Desire;See the willing Victim standsTo be offer’d by your Hands:Ah! Let me on Love’s Altars lying,Clasp my Goddess whilst I’m dying.She.Oh Lord! what hard words, and strange things d’ye say;Your Eyestooseem closing, and just dying away:Ah! pray what d’ye want? Explain but your mind,Which did I but know, perhaps I’d be kind.He.My pretty soft Maid, full of innocent Charms,I languish to sigh out my Soul in thy Arms;Oh! then, if I’m lov’d, deny not the Bliss,But tell me I’m happy, with a ravishing Kiss.She.Oh! Fy, Sir, I vow I cannot endure you;Be civil, or else I’ll cry out I assure you;I will not be kiss’d so, nor tumbled, not I,I’ll tell all your tricks, that I will, if I die.He.Nay, never dissemble, nor smother that Fire;Your Blushes, and Eyes betray your Desire.The Practis’d, not Innocent, dally with Bliss,Then prithee be kind, and taste what it is.She.Let me die now, you’re grown a strange sort of a Man,To force a young Maid, let her do what she can;I fear now I blush to think what we’re doing,And is this the end of all you Men’s wooing?He.At this Pleasure all aim, both Godly and Sinners,And none of ’em blush for’t but poor young Beginners.In Pleasure both Sexes, all Ages agree,And those that take most, most happy will be.Chorus. In Pleasure both Sexes, &c.
He.Time and Place you see conspire,
With tender Wishes, fierce Desire;
See the willing Victim stands
To be offer’d by your Hands:
Ah! Let me on Love’s Altars lying,
Clasp my Goddess whilst I’m dying.
She.Oh Lord! what hard words, and strange things d’ye say;
Your Eyestooseem closing, and just dying away:
Ah! pray what d’ye want? Explain but your mind,
Which did I but know, perhaps I’d be kind.
He.My pretty soft Maid, full of innocent Charms,
I languish to sigh out my Soul in thy Arms;
Oh! then, if I’m lov’d, deny not the Bliss,
But tell me I’m happy, with a ravishing Kiss.
She.Oh! Fy, Sir, I vow I cannot endure you;
Be civil, or else I’ll cry out I assure you;
I will not be kiss’d so, nor tumbled, not I,
I’ll tell all your tricks, that I will, if I die.
He.Nay, never dissemble, nor smother that Fire;
Your Blushes, and Eyes betray your Desire.
The Practis’d, not Innocent, dally with Bliss,
Then prithee be kind, and taste what it is.
She.Let me die now, you’re grown a strange sort of a Man,
To force a young Maid, let her do what she can;
I fear now I blush to think what we’re doing,
And is this the end of all you Men’s wooing?
He.At this Pleasure all aim, both Godly and Sinners,
And none of ’em blush for’t but poor young Beginners.
In Pleasure both Sexes, all Ages agree,
And those that take most, most happy will be.
Chorus. In Pleasure both Sexes, &c.
EnterOliviaas a Man,Teresiain Masquerade; the Scene opens, and discovers LadyYouthly, LadyBlunder,Mirtilla,Manage, PrinceFrederickin a rich Habi,Welbornin one like his, with a Cloke over him, stands aside, and several others of both Sexes.
Oliv.Oh, my dearTeresia, I’m lost in Love! I’ve seen a Man,—or rather ’tis an Angel! so gay, so soft, so charming, and so witty; so dress’d! so shap’d! and danc’d with such an Air!
Ter.Hey day! Prithee where’s this Wonder to be seen?
Oliv.Why dost thou ask? Hast thou not seen a Man of Dress, and Movement of uncommon Fashion?
Ter.A great many, very odd, and fantastick, I’m sure my dear Man is none of ’em.Sighs.
Oliv.Thy Heart when fir’d burns easily, and soft, but I am all impatient, Darts, and Flames, and all the effects of Love are panting in my Heart, yet never saw his Face: but see, he comes, and I must find a way to let him know the mischiefs he has done.
Mir.Endimion, where’s SirMorgan?
Oliv.At his usual Diversion, Madam, drinking.
Mir.Do you wait near me to Night, I may perhaps have kinder Business for you e’er the Morning.
Oliv.You heap too many Blessings on me, Madam.
Prince.Oh, turn thy lovely Eyes upon thy Slave, that waits and watches for a tender Look.
Mir.Oh, Sir, why do you press a yielding Heart too much, undone by what you’ve said already?
Oliv.Those soft Addresses must be those of Love.Aside.
Mir.My Honour was in danger when I promis’d—and yet I blush to tell you I was pleas’d, and blest the dear necessity that forc’d me.
Oliv.Ha! ’tis the Man I love—and courtsMirtilla, and she receives him with inviting Looks. ’Sdeath, she’s a common Lover! already I’m arriv’d to Jealousy!
EnterGeorgein Masquerade, with a Paper on his Back and Breast, goes toMirtilla, sees one courting her.
Geo.What gilded thing is that?—I must disturb ’em—’Tis I,Mirtilla, languishing for the appointed Happiness, while you, perhaps, are taken up with different Thoughts—
Mir.Lejere!How very feeble do old Lovers charm! Only the new and gay have pow’r to warm—How shall I put him off? For now my ambitious Love declares forFrederick; ’tis great to enslave a Prince.Aside.
—Lejere—wait till I give the word—perhaps it may be late—go mix your self i’th’ Crowd, you may be else suspected—Goes from him.
Ter.I have a shreud guess that this should be my Man by his Shape, and Mein.Looking round aboutGeorge.
Let me see—What’s this written on his Back?—To be lett ready furnish’d—Reading it.
A very good hearing: So ho, ho, ho, who’s within here?Claps him on the Back.
Geo.Who’s there?ExitOlivia.
Ter.Love and Fortune.
Geo.Two very good Friends of mine, prithee who art thou that bring’st ’em?
Ter.A wandring Nymph, that has had a swinging Character of your Person and Parts—if thou be’st the Man, prithee, dear Stranger, let me see thy Face; and if I’m not mistaken, ’tis ten to one, but we may go near to strike up some odd Bargain or other.
Geo.And I am as likely a Fellow for some odd Bargain or other, as ever you met with—Look ye, am I the Man?
Ter.Let me see—a very handsome Face, inclining to round; fine wanton Eyes, with a plaguy Roguish Lear; plump, round, red Lips; not tall, nor low, and extremelywell fashion’d.Reads all this in her Tablets.
—Ay, ay, you are the Man—
Geo.I am glad on’t, and prithee, dear Creature, let me see if thou art not the Woman—
Ter.Heav’n! what Woman, Sir?
Geo.Why, any Woman that’s pretty, witty, young, and good-natur’d.
Ter.I had rather shew anything almost than my Face.
Geo.Faith, and that’s kind; but every thing in its due time: I love to arrive at Happiness by degrees, there’s as much Pleasure in the Journey of Love, as in the Arrival to’t, and the first Stage is a handsom Face.
Ter.Where you bait a while, take a short Survey, and away.
Geo.To Wit, and good Humour; where a Man finds Pleasure enough to engage him a long while.
Ter.Then to all the small Villages, call’d little Freedoms, Kissing, Playing, Fooling, Sighing, Dying—and so on to the last Stage, where Whip and Spur laid by, all tir’d and dull, you lazily lie down and sleep.
Geo.No, I’m a more vigorous Lover: And since inthe Country of True Lovethere remains aTerra Incognita, I shall always be making new Discoveries.
Ter.True Love! is there such a thing in the whole Map of Nature?
Geo.Yes, I once discover’d it in my Voyage round the World.
Ter.Sure ’tis some enchanted Place, and vanishes as soon as ’tis approach’d.
Enter SirRowland.
Geo.Faith, let’s set out for it, and try; if we lose our Labour, we shall, like Searchers for the Philosophers Stone, find something that will recompense our pains.—LadyYouthlysees her, and sends her Woman to take her from him.
Ha, gone—I must not part so with you—I’ll have you in my Eye.
TheSpanishDance: Whilst they dance, thePrincetalks toMirtilla.
Mir.This Night gives you an Assignation—I tremble at the thought—Ah, why will you pursue me thus to Ruin? Why with resistless Charms invade my Heart, that cannot stand their Force—alone—without my Woman?—the Enterprize with you would be too dangerous.
Prince.Dangerous to be ador’d! and at your Feet behold your Slave making eternal Vows?
Mir.If I were sure that you would pass no further—
Prince.Let the fond God of Love be my Security—will you not trust a Deity?
Mir.Whom should she trust, that dares not trust her self?
Geo.That is some Lover, whom I must observe.Aside.
Mir.Alas, the Foe’s within that will betray me, Ambition, and our Sex’s Vanity—Sir, you must prevail—
Prince.And in return, for ever take my Soul.
Mir.Anon I’ll feign an Illness, and retire to my Apartment, whither this faithful Friend shall bring you, Sir.Pointing toManage.
Geo.Hum!—that looks like some Love Bargain, andManagecall’d to Witness. By Heav’n, gay Sir, I’ll watch you.
Ter.But hark ye, my Fellow-Adventurer, are you not marry’d?
Geo.Marry’d—that’s a Bug-word—prithee if thou hast any such Design, keep on thy Mask, lest I be tempted to Wickedness.
Ter.Nay, truth is, ’tis a thousand pities to spoil a handsom man, to make a dull Husband of: I have known an old batter’d Bully of Seventy, unmarry’d, more agreeable for a Gallant, than any scurvy, out-of-humour’d Husband at Eight and Twenty.
Geo.Gad, a thousand times.
Ter.Know, I have Five Hundred Pounds a Year.
Geo.Good.
Ter.And the Devil and all ofExpectationsfrom an old Woman.
Geo.Very good.
Ter.And this Youth, and little Beauty to lay out in love.Pulls off her Mask.
Geo.Teresia!the lovely Maid design’d for my Mother! now, what a Dog am I? that gives me the greater Gust to her, and wou’d fain cuckold my Father.Talks to her aside.Mirtillaseems to faint.
Man.My Lady faints—help, help.
Mir.Only the Heat oppresses me—but let it not disturb the Company, I’ll take the Air a little, and return.Goes out withManage.
Geo.Is this design’d or real?—perhaps she is retir’d for me—Mrs.Manage.—Managere-enters, he pulls her by the Sleeve.
Man.Hah! MonsieurLejere! what shall I feign to put him off withal.Aside.
Geo.Why dost thou start? How does my dearMirtilla?
Man.Reposing, Sir, awhile, but anon I’ll wait on her for your admittance.
PrinceFrederickputs onWelborn’sCloke, goes out, andWelbornenters into the Company dress’d like thePrince.
Geo.Ha, she spoke in passing by that gay thing—What means it, but I’ll trace the Mystery.
Sir Row.The young People are lazy, and here’s nothing but gaping and peeping in one another’s Vizards; come, Madam, let you and I shame ’em into Action.
SirRowlandand LadyYouthlydance. After the Dance,Oliviaenterswith a Letter, and gives it toWelborn.
Wel.Ha! what’s this, Sir, a Challenge?
Oliv.A soft one, Sir.
Wel.A Billet—whoever the Lady be,Reads.
She merits something for but believing I am worth her Mirth.
Oliv.I know not, Sir, how great a Jest you may make of it; but I assure you the Lady is in earnest, and if you be at leisure to hear Reason from her—
Wel.Fair and softly, my dear Love-Messenger, I am for no hasty Bargains; not but I shou’d be glad to hear Reason from any of the Sex—But I have been so damnably jilted—Is she of Quality?
Oliv.Yes.
Wel.Then I’ll not hear any thing from her: they are troublesome, and insolent; and if she have a Husband, to hide her Intrigues she has recourse to all the little Arts and Cunnings of her Sex; and she that jilts her Husband, will her Lover.
Oliv.She is not troubled with a Husband, Sir.
Wel.What, she’s parted from the Fool! then she’s expensive, and for want of Alimony, jilts all the believing Block-heads that she meets with.
Oliv.But this is a Maid, Sir.
Wel.Worse still! At every turn she’s raving on her Honour; then if she have a Kinsman, or a Brother, I must be challeng’d.
Oliv.Sir, you mistake, my Lady is for Matrimony.
Wel.How!
Oliv.You have not forsworn it, I hope.
Wel.Not so—but—
Oliv.If a Lady, young and handsom, and Ten Thousand Pounds—
Wel.Nay, I am not positive—
Enter SirMorgan, and SirMerlin, drunk, singing.