Beau.Ariadne!—How vain is allMan’s Industry and CareTo make himself accomplish’d;When the gay fluttering Fool, or the half-witted rough unmanner’d Brute,Who in plain terms comes right down to the business,Out-rivals him in all his Love and Fortunes.[Aside.Aria.Methinks you cool upon’t, Captain.Beau.Yes,Ariadne.Aria.Beaumond!Beau.Oh what a World of Time have I mispent for want of being a Blockhead—’Sdeath and Hell,Wou’d I had been some brawny ruffling Fool,Some forward impudent unthinking Sloven,A Woman’s Tool; for all besides unmanageable.Come, swear that all this while you thought ’twas I.The Devil has taught ye Tricks to bring your Falshood off.Aria.Know ’twas you! no, Faith, I took you for as errant a right-down Captain as ever Woman wisht for; and ’twas uncivil egad, to undeceive me, I tell you that now.EnterWillmoreandLa Nucheby dark.Will.Thou art all Charms, a Heaven of Sweets all over, plump smooth round Limbs, small rising Breasts, a Bosom soft and panting—I long to wound each Sense. Lights there—who waits?—there yet remains a Pleasure unpossest, the sight of that dear Face—Lights there—where are my Vermin?[Ex.Will.Aria.My Captain with a Woman—and is it so—EnterWill.with Lights, seesAria, and goes to her.Will.By Heaven, a glorious Beauty! now a Blessing on thee for shewing me so dear a Face—Come, Child, let’s retire and begin where we left off.La Nu.A Woman!Aria.Where we left off! pray, where was that, good Captain?Will.Within upon the Bed, Child—come—I’ll show thee.Beau.Hold, Sir.Will.Beaumond!come fit to celebrate my Happiness; ah such a Woman-friend!Beau.Do ye know her?Will.All o’er, to be the softest sweetest Creature—Beau.I mean, do ye know who she is?Will.Nor care; ’tis the last Question I ever ask a fine Woman.Beau.And you are sure you are thus well acquainted.Will.I cannot boast of much acquaintance—but I have pluckt a Rose from her Bosom—or so—and given it her again—we’ve past the hour of the Berjere together, that’s all—Beau.And do you know—this Lady is my—Wife?[Draw.Will.Hah! hum, hum, hum, hum—[Turns and sings, seesLa Nuche, and returns quick with an uneasy Grimace.Beau.Did you not hear me? Draw.Will.Draw, Sir—what on my Friend?Beau.On your Cuckold, Sir, for so you’ve doubly made me: Draw, or I’ll kill thee—[Passes at him, he fences with his Hat,La Nu.holds Beau.Will.Hold, prithee hold.La Nu.Put up your Sword, this Lady’s innocent, at least in what concerns this Evening’s business; I own—with Pride I own I am the Woman that pleas’d so well to Night.Will.La Nuche!kind Soul to bring me off with so handsom a lye: How lucky ’twas she happen’d to be here!Beau.False as thou art, why shou’d I credit thee?La Nu.By Heaven, ’tis true, I will not lose the glory on’t.Will.Oh the dear perjur’d Creature, how I love thee for this dear lying Virtue—Harkye, Child, hast thou nothing to say for thy self, to help us out withal?—[ToAria.aside.Aria.I! I renounce ye—false Man.Beau.Yes, yes, I know she’s innocent of this, for which I owe no thanks to either of you, but to my self who mistook her in the dark.La Nu.And you it seems mistook me for this Lady; I favour’d your Design to gain your Heart, for I was told,that if this Night I lost you, I shou’d never regain you: now I am yours, and o’er the habitable World will follow you, and live and starve by turns, as Fortune pleases.Will.Nay, by this Light, Child, I knew when once thou’dst try’d me, thou’dst ne’er part with me—give me thy Hand, no Poverty shall part us.[Kisses her.—so—now here’s a Bargain made without the formal Foppery of Marriage.La Nu.Nay, faith Captain, she that will not take thy word as soon as the Parson’s of the Parish, deserves not the Blessing.Will.Thou art reform’d, and I adore the Change.Enter theGuardian,Blunt, andFetherfool.Guar.My Nieces stol’n, and by a couple of the Seignior’s Men! the Seignior fled too! undone, undone!Will.Hah, now’s my Cue, I must finish this Jest.[Goes out.EnterShiftandGiant,HuntandDwarf.Guar.Oh impudence, my Nieces, and the Villains with ’em! I charge ye, Gentlemen, to lay hold on ’em.Dwarf.For what, good Uncle, for being so courageous to marry us?Guar.How, married to Rogues, Rascals,John Potages!Blunt.Who the Devil wou’d have look’d for jilting in such Hobgoblins?Feth.And hast thou deceiv’d me,thou foul filthy Synagogue?EnterWillmorelike a Mountebank as before.Blunt.The Mountebank! oh thou cheating Quack, thou sophisticated adulterated Villain.Feth.Thou cozening, lying, Fortune-telling, Feetaking Rascal.Blunt.Thou jugling, conjuring, canting Rogue!Will.What’s the matter, Gentlemen?Blunt.Hast thou the Impudence to ask, who took my Money to marry me to this ill-favour’d Baboon?Feth.And me to this foul filthy o’ergrown Chronicle?Blunt.And hast suffered Rogues, thy Servants, to marry ’em: Sirrah, I will beat thee past Cure of all thy hard-nam’d Drugs, thyGuzman Medicines.Feth.Nay, I’ll peach him in the Inquisition for a Wizard, and have him hang’d for a Witch.Shift.Sir, we are Gentlemen, and you shall have the thirds of their Portion, what wou’d you more?[Aside to theGuar.Look ye, Sir.[Pulls off their Disguise.Blunt.Hunt!Feth.Shift!We are betray’d: all will out to the Captain.Will.He shall know no more of it than he does already for me, Gentlemen.[Pulls off his Disguise.Blunt.Willmore!Feth.Ay, ay,’tis he.Blunt.Draw, Sir—you know me—Will.—For one that ’tis impossible to cozen.[All laugh.Beau.Have a care, Sir, we are all for the Captain.Feth.As for that, Sir, we fear ye not,d’ye see, were youHerculesand all hisMyrmidons.[Draws, but gets behind.Will.Fools, put up your Swords, Fools, and do not publish the Jest; your Money you shall have again, on condition you never pretend to bewiser than your other Men, but modestly believe you may be cozen’d as well as your Neighbours.[TheGuardiantalking withHuntandShiftandGiantthis while.Feth.La you,Ned, why shou’d Friends fall out?Blunt.Cozen’d! it may be not, Sir; for look ye, Sir, theEssexFool, the cozen’d dull Rogue can shew Moveables or so—nay, they are right too—[Shews his Jewels.This is noNaplesAdventure, Gentlemen, noCopperChains; all substantial Diamonds, Pearls and Rubies—[Will.takes the Casket, and looks in it.La Nu.Hah, do not I know that Casket, and those Jewels!Feth.How the Pox came this Rogue by these?Will.Hum,Edward, I confess you have redeem’d your Reputation, and shall hereafter pass for a Wit—by what good fortune came you by this Treasure?—what Lady—Blunt.Lady, Sir! alas no, I’m a Fool, a Country Fop, an Ass, I; but that you may perceive your selves mistaken, Gentlemen, this is but an earnest of what’s to come, a small token of remembrance, or so—and yet I have no Charms, I; the fine Captain has all the Wit and Beauty—but thou’rt my Friend, and I’ll impart.[Brings outPetronellaveil’d.EnterAureliaandSancho.Aur.Hither we trac’d her, and see she’s yonder.San.Sir, in the King’s Name lay hold of this old Cheat, she has this Night robb’d ourPatronaof a hundred thousand Crowns in Money and Jewels.Blunt.Hah![Gets from her.La Nu.You are mistaken, FriendSancho, she only seiz’d ’em for my use, and has deliver’d ’em in trust to my Friend the Captain.Pet.Hah,La Nuche!Blunt.How! cozen’d again!Will.Look ye, Sir, she’s so beautiful, you need no Portion, that alone’s sufficient for Wit.Feth.Much good may do you with your rich Lady,Edward.Blunt.Death, this Fool laugh at me too—well, I am an errant right-down Loggerhead, a dull conceited cozen’d silly Fool; and he that ever takes me for any other, ’Dshartlikins, I’ll beat him. I forgive you all, and will henceforth be good-natur’d; wo’t borrow any Money? Pox on’t, I’ll lend as far as e’er ’twill go, for I am now reclaim’d.Guar.Here is a Necklace of Pearl lost, which, Sir, I lay to your Charge.[ToFetherfool.Feth.Hum, I was bewitcht I did not rub off with it when it was mine—who, I? if e’er I saw a Necklace of Pearl, I wish ’twere in my Belly.Blunt.How a Necklace! unconscionable Rogue, not to let me share: well, there is no Friendship in the World; I hope they’l hang him.Shift.He’ll ne’er confess without the Rack—come, we’ll toss him in a Blanket.Feth.Hah, toss me in a Blanket, that will turn my Stomach most villainously, and I shalldisimbogueand discover all.Shift.Come, come, the Blanket.[They lay hold on him.Feth.Hold, hold, I do confess, I do confess—Shift.Restore, and have your Pardon.Feth.That is not in Nature at present, for Gentlemen, I have eat ’em.Shift.’Sdeath, I’ll dissect ye.[Goes to draw.Will.Let me redeem him; here Boy, take him to my Chamber, and let the Doctor glyster him soundly, and I’ll warrant you your Pearl again.Feth.If this be the end of travelling, I’ll e’en to oldEnglandagain, take the Covenant, get a Sequestrator’s Place, grow rich, and defy all Cavaliering.Beau.’Tis Morning, let’s home,Ariadne, and try, if possible, to love so well to be content to marry; if we find that amendment in our Hearts, to say we dare believe and trust each other, then let it be a Match.Aria.With all my Heart.Will.You have a hankering after Marriage still, but I am for Love and Gallantry.So tho by several ways we gain our End,Love still, like Death, does to one Center tend.EPILOGUESpoken by Mrs.BARRY.POETS are Kings of Wit, and you appearA Parliament,by Play-Bill, summon’d here;When e’er in want, to you for aid they fly,And a new Play’s the Speech that begs supply:But now—The scanted Tribute is so slowly paid,Our Poets must find out another Trade;They’ve tried all ways th’ insatiate Clan to please,Have parted with their old Prerogatives,Their Birth-right Satiring, and their just pretenceOf judging even their own Wit and Sense;And write against their Consciences, to showHow dull they can be to comply with you.They’ve flatter’d all the Mutineers i’th’ Nation,Grosser than e’er was done in Dedication;Pleas’d your sick Palates with Fantastick Wit,Such as was ne’er a treat before to th’ Pit;Giants, fat Cardinals, Pope Joans and Fryers,To entertain Right Worshipfuls and Squires:Who laugh and cry Ads Nigs, ’tis woundy good,When the fuger’s all the Jest that’s understood.And yet you’ll come but once, unless by stealth,Except the Author be for Commonwealth;Then half Crown more younobly throw away,And tho my Lady seldom see a Play,She, with her eldest Daughter, shall be boxt that day.Then Prologue comes, Ads-lightikins, crys SirJohn,You shall hear notable Conceits anon:How neatly, Sir, he’ll bob the Court and French King,And tickle away—you know who—for Wenching.All this won’t do, they e’en may spare their Speeches,For all theirgreasingwill not buy ’em Britches;To get a penny new found ways must take,As forming Popes, and Squibs and Crackers make.In Coffee-Houses some their talent vent,Rail for the Cause against the Government,And make a pretty thriving living on’t,For who would let a useful Member want.Things being brought to this distressed Estate,’Twere fit you took the matter in Debate.There was a time, when Loyally by you,True Wit and Sense received Allegiance due,Our King of Poets had his Tribute pay’d,His Peers secured beneath his Laurel’s shade.What Crimes have they committed, they must beDriven to the last and worst Extremity?Oh, let it not be said of English Men,Who have to Wit so just and noble been,They should their Loyal Principles recant,And let the glorious Monarch of it want.
Beau.Ariadne!—How vain is allMan’s Industry and CareTo make himself accomplish’d;When the gay fluttering Fool, or the half-witted rough unmanner’d Brute,Who in plain terms comes right down to the business,Out-rivals him in all his Love and Fortunes.[Aside.
Beau.Ariadne!—How vain is allMan’s Industry and Care
To make himself accomplish’d;
When the gay fluttering Fool, or the half-witted rough unmanner’d Brute,
Who in plain terms comes right down to the business,
Out-rivals him in all his Love and Fortunes.[Aside.
Aria.Methinks you cool upon’t, Captain.
Beau.Yes,Ariadne.
Aria.Beaumond!
Beau.Oh what a World of Time have I mispent for want of being a Blockhead—’Sdeath and Hell,
Wou’d I had been some brawny ruffling Fool,Some forward impudent unthinking Sloven,A Woman’s Tool; for all besides unmanageable.Come, swear that all this while you thought ’twas I.The Devil has taught ye Tricks to bring your Falshood off.
Wou’d I had been some brawny ruffling Fool,
Some forward impudent unthinking Sloven,
A Woman’s Tool; for all besides unmanageable.
Come, swear that all this while you thought ’twas I.
The Devil has taught ye Tricks to bring your Falshood off.
Aria.Know ’twas you! no, Faith, I took you for as errant a right-down Captain as ever Woman wisht for; and ’twas uncivil egad, to undeceive me, I tell you that now.
EnterWillmoreandLa Nucheby dark.
Will.Thou art all Charms, a Heaven of Sweets all over, plump smooth round Limbs, small rising Breasts, a Bosom soft and panting—I long to wound each Sense. Lights there—who waits?—there yet remains a Pleasure unpossest, the sight of that dear Face—Lights there—where are my Vermin?[Ex.Will.
Aria.My Captain with a Woman—and is it so—
EnterWill.with Lights, seesAria, and goes to her.
Will.By Heaven, a glorious Beauty! now a Blessing on thee for shewing me so dear a Face—Come, Child, let’s retire and begin where we left off.
La Nu.A Woman!
Aria.Where we left off! pray, where was that, good Captain?
Will.Within upon the Bed, Child—come—I’ll show thee.
Beau.Hold, Sir.
Will.Beaumond!come fit to celebrate my Happiness; ah such a Woman-friend!
Beau.Do ye know her?
Will.All o’er, to be the softest sweetest Creature—
Beau.I mean, do ye know who she is?
Will.Nor care; ’tis the last Question I ever ask a fine Woman.
Beau.And you are sure you are thus well acquainted.
Will.I cannot boast of much acquaintance—but I have pluckt a Rose from her Bosom—or so—and given it her again—we’ve past the hour of the Berjere together, that’s all—
Beau.And do you know—this Lady is my—Wife?[Draw.
Will.Hah! hum, hum, hum, hum—[Turns and sings, seesLa Nuche, and returns quick with an uneasy Grimace.
Beau.Did you not hear me? Draw.
Will.Draw, Sir—what on my Friend?
Beau.On your Cuckold, Sir, for so you’ve doubly made me: Draw, or I’ll kill thee—[Passes at him, he fences with his Hat,La Nu.holds Beau.
Will.Hold, prithee hold.
La Nu.Put up your Sword, this Lady’s innocent, at least in what concerns this Evening’s business; I own—with Pride I own I am the Woman that pleas’d so well to Night.
Will.La Nuche!kind Soul to bring me off with so handsom a lye: How lucky ’twas she happen’d to be here!
Beau.False as thou art, why shou’d I credit thee?
La Nu.By Heaven, ’tis true, I will not lose the glory on’t.
Will.Oh the dear perjur’d Creature, how I love thee for this dear lying Virtue—Harkye, Child, hast thou nothing to say for thy self, to help us out withal?—[ToAria.aside.
Aria.I! I renounce ye—false Man.
Beau.Yes, yes, I know she’s innocent of this, for which I owe no thanks to either of you, but to my self who mistook her in the dark.
La Nu.And you it seems mistook me for this Lady; I favour’d your Design to gain your Heart, for I was told,that if this Night I lost you, I shou’d never regain you: now I am yours, and o’er the habitable World will follow you, and live and starve by turns, as Fortune pleases.
Will.Nay, by this Light, Child, I knew when once thou’dst try’d me, thou’dst ne’er part with me—give me thy Hand, no Poverty shall part us.[Kisses her.
—so—now here’s a Bargain made without the formal Foppery of Marriage.
La Nu.Nay, faith Captain, she that will not take thy word as soon as the Parson’s of the Parish, deserves not the Blessing.
Will.Thou art reform’d, and I adore the Change.
Enter theGuardian,Blunt, andFetherfool.
Guar.My Nieces stol’n, and by a couple of the Seignior’s Men! the Seignior fled too! undone, undone!
Will.Hah, now’s my Cue, I must finish this Jest.[Goes out.
EnterShiftandGiant,HuntandDwarf.
Guar.Oh impudence, my Nieces, and the Villains with ’em! I charge ye, Gentlemen, to lay hold on ’em.
Dwarf.For what, good Uncle, for being so courageous to marry us?
Guar.How, married to Rogues, Rascals,John Potages!
Blunt.Who the Devil wou’d have look’d for jilting in such Hobgoblins?
Feth.And hast thou deceiv’d me,thou foul filthy Synagogue?
EnterWillmorelike a Mountebank as before.
Blunt.The Mountebank! oh thou cheating Quack, thou sophisticated adulterated Villain.
Feth.Thou cozening, lying, Fortune-telling, Feetaking Rascal.
Blunt.Thou jugling, conjuring, canting Rogue!
Will.What’s the matter, Gentlemen?
Blunt.Hast thou the Impudence to ask, who took my Money to marry me to this ill-favour’d Baboon?
Feth.And me to this foul filthy o’ergrown Chronicle?
Blunt.And hast suffered Rogues, thy Servants, to marry ’em: Sirrah, I will beat thee past Cure of all thy hard-nam’d Drugs, thyGuzman Medicines.
Feth.Nay, I’ll peach him in the Inquisition for a Wizard, and have him hang’d for a Witch.
Shift.Sir, we are Gentlemen, and you shall have the thirds of their Portion, what wou’d you more?[Aside to theGuar.
Look ye, Sir.[Pulls off their Disguise.
Blunt.Hunt!
Feth.Shift!We are betray’d: all will out to the Captain.
Will.He shall know no more of it than he does already for me, Gentlemen.[Pulls off his Disguise.
Blunt.Willmore!
Feth.Ay, ay,’tis he.
Blunt.Draw, Sir—you know me—
Will.—For one that ’tis impossible to cozen.[All laugh.
Beau.Have a care, Sir, we are all for the Captain.
Feth.As for that, Sir, we fear ye not,d’ye see, were youHerculesand all hisMyrmidons.[Draws, but gets behind.
Will.Fools, put up your Swords, Fools, and do not publish the Jest; your Money you shall have again, on condition you never pretend to bewiser than your other Men, but modestly believe you may be cozen’d as well as your Neighbours.[TheGuardiantalking withHuntandShiftandGiantthis while.
Feth.La you,Ned, why shou’d Friends fall out?
Blunt.Cozen’d! it may be not, Sir; for look ye, Sir, theEssexFool, the cozen’d dull Rogue can shew Moveables or so—nay, they are right too—[Shews his Jewels.
This is noNaplesAdventure, Gentlemen, noCopperChains; all substantial Diamonds, Pearls and Rubies—[Will.takes the Casket, and looks in it.
La Nu.Hah, do not I know that Casket, and those Jewels!
Feth.How the Pox came this Rogue by these?
Will.Hum,Edward, I confess you have redeem’d your Reputation, and shall hereafter pass for a Wit—by what good fortune came you by this Treasure?—what Lady—
Blunt.Lady, Sir! alas no, I’m a Fool, a Country Fop, an Ass, I; but that you may perceive your selves mistaken, Gentlemen, this is but an earnest of what’s to come, a small token of remembrance, or so—and yet I have no Charms, I; the fine Captain has all the Wit and Beauty—but thou’rt my Friend, and I’ll impart.[Brings outPetronellaveil’d.
EnterAureliaandSancho.
Aur.Hither we trac’d her, and see she’s yonder.
San.Sir, in the King’s Name lay hold of this old Cheat, she has this Night robb’d ourPatronaof a hundred thousand Crowns in Money and Jewels.
Blunt.Hah![Gets from her.
La Nu.You are mistaken, FriendSancho, she only seiz’d ’em for my use, and has deliver’d ’em in trust to my Friend the Captain.
Pet.Hah,La Nuche!
Blunt.How! cozen’d again!
Will.Look ye, Sir, she’s so beautiful, you need no Portion, that alone’s sufficient for Wit.
Feth.Much good may do you with your rich Lady,Edward.
Blunt.Death, this Fool laugh at me too—well, I am an errant right-down Loggerhead, a dull conceited cozen’d silly Fool; and he that ever takes me for any other, ’Dshartlikins, I’ll beat him. I forgive you all, and will henceforth be good-natur’d; wo’t borrow any Money? Pox on’t, I’ll lend as far as e’er ’twill go, for I am now reclaim’d.
Guar.Here is a Necklace of Pearl lost, which, Sir, I lay to your Charge.[ToFetherfool.
Feth.Hum, I was bewitcht I did not rub off with it when it was mine—who, I? if e’er I saw a Necklace of Pearl, I wish ’twere in my Belly.
Blunt.How a Necklace! unconscionable Rogue, not to let me share: well, there is no Friendship in the World; I hope they’l hang him.
Shift.He’ll ne’er confess without the Rack—come, we’ll toss him in a Blanket.
Feth.Hah, toss me in a Blanket, that will turn my Stomach most villainously, and I shalldisimbogueand discover all.
Shift.Come, come, the Blanket.[They lay hold on him.
Feth.Hold, hold, I do confess, I do confess—
Shift.Restore, and have your Pardon.
Feth.That is not in Nature at present, for Gentlemen, I have eat ’em.
Shift.’Sdeath, I’ll dissect ye.[Goes to draw.
Will.Let me redeem him; here Boy, take him to my Chamber, and let the Doctor glyster him soundly, and I’ll warrant you your Pearl again.
Feth.If this be the end of travelling, I’ll e’en to oldEnglandagain, take the Covenant, get a Sequestrator’s Place, grow rich, and defy all Cavaliering.
Beau.’Tis Morning, let’s home,Ariadne, and try, if possible, to love so well to be content to marry; if we find that amendment in our Hearts, to say we dare believe and trust each other, then let it be a Match.
Aria.With all my Heart.
Will.You have a hankering after Marriage still, but I am for Love and Gallantry.
So tho by several ways we gain our End,Love still, like Death, does to one Center tend.
So tho by several ways we gain our End,
Love still, like Death, does to one Center tend.
POETS are Kings of Wit, and you appearA Parliament,by Play-Bill, summon’d here;When e’er in want, to you for aid they fly,And a new Play’s the Speech that begs supply:But now—The scanted Tribute is so slowly paid,Our Poets must find out another Trade;They’ve tried all ways th’ insatiate Clan to please,Have parted with their old Prerogatives,Their Birth-right Satiring, and their just pretenceOf judging even their own Wit and Sense;And write against their Consciences, to showHow dull they can be to comply with you.They’ve flatter’d all the Mutineers i’th’ Nation,Grosser than e’er was done in Dedication;Pleas’d your sick Palates with Fantastick Wit,Such as was ne’er a treat before to th’ Pit;Giants, fat Cardinals, Pope Joans and Fryers,To entertain Right Worshipfuls and Squires:Who laugh and cry Ads Nigs, ’tis woundy good,When the fuger’s all the Jest that’s understood.And yet you’ll come but once, unless by stealth,Except the Author be for Commonwealth;Then half Crown more younobly throw away,And tho my Lady seldom see a Play,She, with her eldest Daughter, shall be boxt that day.Then Prologue comes, Ads-lightikins, crys SirJohn,You shall hear notable Conceits anon:How neatly, Sir, he’ll bob the Court and French King,And tickle away—you know who—for Wenching.All this won’t do, they e’en may spare their Speeches,For all theirgreasingwill not buy ’em Britches;To get a penny new found ways must take,As forming Popes, and Squibs and Crackers make.In Coffee-Houses some their talent vent,Rail for the Cause against the Government,And make a pretty thriving living on’t,For who would let a useful Member want.Things being brought to this distressed Estate,’Twere fit you took the matter in Debate.There was a time, when Loyally by you,True Wit and Sense received Allegiance due,Our King of Poets had his Tribute pay’d,His Peers secured beneath his Laurel’s shade.What Crimes have they committed, they must beDriven to the last and worst Extremity?Oh, let it not be said of English Men,Who have to Wit so just and noble been,They should their Loyal Principles recant,And let the glorious Monarch of it want.
POETS are Kings of Wit, and you appear
A Parliament,by Play-Bill, summon’d here;
When e’er in want, to you for aid they fly,
And a new Play’s the Speech that begs supply:
But now—
The scanted Tribute is so slowly paid,
Our Poets must find out another Trade;
They’ve tried all ways th’ insatiate Clan to please,
Have parted with their old Prerogatives,
Their Birth-right Satiring, and their just pretence
Of judging even their own Wit and Sense;
And write against their Consciences, to show
How dull they can be to comply with you.
They’ve flatter’d all the Mutineers i’th’ Nation,
Grosser than e’er was done in Dedication;
Pleas’d your sick Palates with Fantastick Wit,
Such as was ne’er a treat before to th’ Pit;
Giants, fat Cardinals, Pope Joans and Fryers,
To entertain Right Worshipfuls and Squires:
Who laugh and cry Ads Nigs, ’tis woundy good,
When the fuger’s all the Jest that’s understood.
And yet you’ll come but once, unless by stealth,
Except the Author be for Commonwealth;
Then half Crown more younobly throw away,
And tho my Lady seldom see a Play,
She, with her eldest Daughter, shall be boxt that day.
Then Prologue comes, Ads-lightikins, crys SirJohn,
You shall hear notable Conceits anon:
How neatly, Sir, he’ll bob the Court and French King,
And tickle away—you know who—for Wenching.
All this won’t do, they e’en may spare their Speeches,
For all theirgreasingwill not buy ’em Britches;
To get a penny new found ways must take,
As forming Popes, and Squibs and Crackers make.
In Coffee-Houses some their talent vent,
Rail for the Cause against the Government,
And make a pretty thriving living on’t,
For who would let a useful Member want.
Things being brought to this distressed Estate,
’Twere fit you took the matter in Debate.
There was a time, when Loyally by you,
True Wit and Sense received Allegiance due,
Our King of Poets had his Tribute pay’d,
His Peers secured beneath his Laurel’s shade.
What Crimes have they committed, they must be
Driven to the last and worst Extremity?
Oh, let it not be said of English Men,
Who have to Wit so just and noble been,
They should their Loyal Principles recant,
And let the glorious Monarch of it want.