NO BANKRUPT, THOUGH I BREAKS.A HORSE-DEALER
NO BANKRUPT, THOUGH I BREAKS.
NO BANKRUPT, THOUGH I BREAKS.
ISa double dealer, for he dealeth more in double meanings than your punster. When he giveth his word it signifieth little, howbeit it standeth for two significations. He putteth his promiseslike his colts in a break. Over his mouth, Truth, like the turnpike man, writeth up No Trust. Whenever he speaketh, his spoke hath more turns than the fore-wheel. He telleth lies, not white only, or black, but likewise gray, bay, chestnut-brown, cream, and roan—piebald and skewbald. He sweareth as many oaths out of court as any man, and more in; for he will swear two ways about a horse’s dam. If, by God’s grace, he be something honest, it is only a dapple, for he can be fair and unfair at once. He hath much imagination, for he selleth a complete set of capital harness, of which there be no traces. He advertiseth a coach, warranted on its first wheels, and truly the hind pair are wanting to the bargain. A carriage that hath travelled twenty summers and winters, he describeth well-seasoned. He knocketh down machine horses that have been knocked up on the road, but is so tender of heart to his animals that he parteth with none for a fault; “for,” as he sayeth, “blindness or lameness be misfortunes.” A nag, proper only for dog’s meat, he writeth down, but crieth up, “fit to go to any hounds;” or, as may be, “would suit a timid gentleman.” String-halt he calleth “grand action,” and kicking, “lifting the feet well up.” If a mare have the farcical disease, he nameth her “out of Comedy,” and selleth Blackbird for a racer because he hath a running thrush. Horses that drink only water, he justly warranteth to be “temperate,” and if dead lame, declareth them “good in all their paces,” seeing that they can go but one. Roaring he calleth “sound,” and a steed that high bloweth in running, he compareth to Eclipse, for he oustrippeth the wind. Another might be entered at a steeplechase, for why—he is as fast as a church. Thoroughpin with him is synonymous with “perfect leg.” If a nag cougheth, ’tis “a clever hack.” If his knees be fractured, he is “well broke for gig or saddle.” If he reareth, he is “above sixteen hands high.” If he hath drawn a tierce in a cart he is a good fencer. If he biteth, he shows good courage; and heis playful merely, though he should play the devil. If he runneth away, he calleth him “off the Gretna Road, and has been used to carry a lady.” If a cob stumbleth, he considereth him a true goer, and addeth “The proprietor parteth from him to go abroad.” Thus, without much profession of religion, yet is he truly Christian-like in practice, for he dealeth not in detraction, and would not disparage the character even of a brute. Like unto Love, he is blind unto all blemishes, and seeth only a virtue, meanwhile he gazeth at a vice. He taketh the kick of a nag’s hoof like a love token, saying only, before standers-by, “Poor fellow,—he knoweth me!”—and is content rather to pass as a bad rider, than that the horse should he held restive or over-mettlesome which discharges him from its back. If it hath bitten him beside, and moreover bruised his limb against a coach-wheel, then, constantly returning good for evil, he giveth it but the better character, and recommendeth it before all the studs in his stable. In short, the worse a horse may be, the more he chanteth his praise, like a crow that croweth over Old Ball, whose lot it is on a common to meet with the Common Lot.
REAR ADMIRAL.
REAR ADMIRAL.